You, a heroic paladin have successfully slain a fearsome dragon. But the dragon warns you that death is but a door, and dragons don’t die, they reincarnate. You paid it no mind….until your son was born with golden, slitted eyes.
Boy, I say boy – and I mean that in a gender-neutral sense – what the heck’s gotten into you? You take one, I say, ONE nap an’ you’re more heated than tarmac in a July heatwave! You’re makin’ everyone uncomfortable, you’re like a pebble in a sock! I’ve heard of gettin’ up on the wrong side of the bed, but you, I say, you must’ve missed the floor entirely! Wham! Fell straight into the kitchen!
Now, I know nothin’ goes over that head of yours, what with ya bein’ dressed like a traffic cone full o' cortisol, so you know, I say you KNOW you gotta dust yourself off, n’ open up to all your family before you find yourself down the creek without a paddle!
2015 - Here are some gifs of Donald Trump being attacked by a bald eagle named Uncle Sam, literally the least patriotic thing that can happen to an American. [video]