First Night (As a Fourth Year Student)

  Kalungkutan ang naghatid sa’kin dito, ewan ko ba kung bakit  sa t’wing sumasapit ang Lunes, mas malungkot ako at mas nakakaramdam ng stress. Btw hi? Katatapos ko lang basahin mga nai-post ko  dito, ang  trying hard mag English pero nararamdaman ko pa rin ‘yung pakiramdam ko habang sinusulat ‘yon kahit na hindi ko na talaga maalala, 2020 pa yata ‘yon? Or 2021? Idk, may date ba? Hindi ko nakita pasensya na. Malungkot ako, natatakot na baka dahil sa lungkot ko hindi ko matapos lahat. Ang daming gagawin, sabi nga ni Ma’am kanina, humanap ng inspirasyon. Paano ba? Sino? Or Ano? Wala na kasi ako n’on (tama ba spelling? haha). Pero serysoso, alam niyo ba ‘yung pakiramdam na mawalan ng pakialam? Kung anong mangayayari sige na lang, kung walang pupuntahan okay lang kasi para saan pa? Ang sakit sakit na minsan ka lang magkaroon ng detalyadong plano nasira pa, kinuha sa’kin ‘yung kaibigan/anak na tinuring ko. Two months  ago, June 6, 2022 namatay ‘yung pusa ko, para akong sinaksak ng ilang libong beses dahil never ko naimagine na siya ‘yung mauuna sa’min, akala ko ako.. Ang babaw siguro sa iba noh? Sa’kin kasi ‘yung sugat sobrang lalim. Parang bumalik ako umpisa, wala na ‘kong karamay sa mga araw na presensya niya lang ang kalngan ko, kasi wala naman talaga siyang dapat gawin.. Nakakaiyak pala ‘to tangina HAHAHAHAHAHA shout-out sa’yo Bb!! Palagi akong nahihirapan sa online class, pero kapag lumalabas ako ng pinto o kahit makita ko lang ang anino mo, doon mas nabubuhayan ako.. Pero ngayon? Paano na.. Ang daming exam ang bobo ko na nga mukhang mapipiga pa.. Pero syempre napapasaya pa rin ako ng mga tropa mo and mga gf mo dati, sina kutit, buntis, at epilepsy pati mga pusang nakiki kain lang dito.. Puro regrets and what if’s lang palagi, masaya naman ako minsan, pero ang sakit sakit pa rin. Sana may spoiler sa future natin para alam ko kung tama ba na nandito pa ‘ko.. Sana bukas makalawa mas magaan na, sana lahat ng hindi ko nagawa magawa ko na, at sana lahat ng mga nangyayari ngayon magbunga.. Mahirap maging mahirarap ‘yon ‘yung isa sa mga tinitignan ko.. Kung hindi ko pipilitin baka mas malungkot ang kinabukasan ko, siguro kung may maipagmamalaki lang ako, ‘yon ‘yung nandito pa rin ako? Mabuti ng umiyak ako palagi, siguro kung nandito siya masasaktan rin siya, nasaksihan ko siya hanggang sa mga huling sandali n’ya kaya wala akong karapatang sumuko, kasi  siya lumaban siya hanggang dulo, at ‘yon na lang siguuro ang isa sa mga panghahawakan ko:((( I miss you everyday BB.. Mahal na mahal kita at pasensya ka na, kapos ako/kami noong mga panahon na ‘yon.. Araw araw pa rin akong magsisisi, babangon ako para hindi na maulit ‘yung nangyari sa’yo.. 

Fourth year na ako, August 15, 2022 Monday saktong 11:30 pm ako natapos.

Abangan niyo kung paano ko ‘to matatapos.

Should I?

I am planning to post my own poems here. Actually some of them was posted on my other social media accounts. It just happen that vacation is getting near, probably I’ll just spend my time on mobile legends, sleeping and overthinking about my grades.. I want to accomplish something that would satisfy me before this year end, or just to make myself productive. Anyway I was quiet happy this afternoon because of my quiz. I wish to pass in this semester. I couldn’t feel the Christmas vibe because of the requirements that I need to finish.. May God continue to bless me. Anyway have a blessed Friday to all! Stay safe and keep on going:>

-Sheen

“Two weeks left”

Hello! after how many years I’m back! I couldn’t remember what was my email before! I was in high school when I created my account here, sadly because I couldn’t remember the infos, good thing because I’m finally back:) Sadness brought me here, I’d like to isolate myself but because of my online class and this pandemic I couldn’t. Two weeks left before this semester will end, I am psych student. Actually I love my course, I remember how I defended it on an interview. I need to surpass that moment for me to be accepted in this course, of course I couldn’t explain the happiness I’ve felt indeed. But I couldn’t also deny the fact that I am having a hard time. For the first two weeks of my class I am starting to miss my shs life. Perhaps my friends, and the kind of environment that I used to have. As time goes by, I realize that being  a college student wasn’t easy. I guess it took me two months before adapting everything. I usually cry and ask myself why I always feel that I am just wasting my time.  It was me who love this course but slowly losing the interest. Constantly doubting myself and hoping to find the willingness and courage. Seriously speaking there are times that I am getting inspired, but it couldn’t take away all the fears and worries. Just like now, I doubt if I’ll be able to pass now. I’m scared because even if I’m trying I feel like I’m getting worst. I wish that I could accomplish everything in the remaining days. I think it’s getting too long and I’m glad because sharing this here will be kept as a secret? I don’t have followers and I do not follow anyone here.  If you’ve seen this post and still reading, I thank you for being part of this dramatic night/day of mine. God bless you and stay safe:) ) Keep on going..