What do I do when I see him? Like this is horrifying. Ofc imma hug him and all but all I want to do is just smother him in love and kiss him but I can’t do that bc I’ll be with my dad and my sister and I’ll get in trouble. But it’s gonna be awkward . I don’t know what I’m gonna say, what we’re gonna talk ab, what my dad and my sister are gonna ask him, what we’re going to do . I wanna die

I feel like Shit.

I’m so close to crying . Literally everything is setting me off. I should of stayed home idk why I came. I don’t know I think it’s just bc I’m supposed to get my period

A poem by me

I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning I break my legs, and every afternoon I break my arms. At night, I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep.

Idk.

Why is it so hard to talk out my feelings. Like this is why I wrote bc I just like straight talking . No body judging me, nobody interrupting, just letting me get it out as quick and easy as I can. The only thing about writing is it feels just as bad as keeping it in like I only feel well if I know everything clear but I can’t talk to someone face to face it’s just to much pressure and anxiety. That’s usually why I confront over text it’s too overwhelming otherwise and it gives me time to thoroughly think about what I want to say and what I want to do and what I want to change. I just feel so emotionless or over emotional lately and it’s so annoying. When it first started I just thought maybe it’s bc I was getting/ had my period and it was just my hormones but like it’s happening so often. I think mostly it’s just bc I’m sad. I’m mostly sad bc my bfs always busy and doing things and I’m not sad bc of that I’m just sad bc we don’t talk as much or he doesn’t talk to me the way he used to, I feel like the more busy he gets our relationship changes. But everything happens for a good reason maybe it’s just a sign that I need to stop being so clingy. But at the same time we are in a long distance relationship and all we have is our phones and we barely text, we we don’t call anymore, and I feel like I don’t get as much as his attention. I love him so much and he treats me really well and I haven’t felt this way about someone in a long time and Ik there’s something special about him and he loves me, I know we’re just going through a little rough patch in our relationship, but hopefully Christmas break is coming up and I’ll actually get to see him and everything will be better and go back to normal after that . And then when summer comes he’ll be less busy and we can text more . Idk I think I’m just overthinking / overreacting anyways

🤞🏽.

He’s all I think ab, he’s so sweet. I love him . I think my friends are tired of me talking ab him already lol. I’m just scared that I’m doing too much like since I can’t physically see him I feel the need to text him a lot plus I just like talking to him, and face time him bc his smile is so cute and ughh plus he’s stupid so it’s funny😂 but yea , he’s back in school and I’m back in school and I feel like we haven’t been talking as much so I’ve been feeling the need to text him more but I don’t wanna bother him. I just always have a constant fear I’m gonna lose someone and I just really don’t want to lose him. He’s one of the best things that happened to me in a while ♥️I’m really happy that I have him. Shit let me go to sleep bc I’m really bout to ramble on for hours about nothing lmao

🧡☹️

I love him so much and he’s great and he makes me happy but it just makes me sad to know I can’t do some stuff with him bc it’s long distance. Like I wish we could go to one of the football games at the school at night or the bonfires, or I could go to one of his games😞 I just wish he lived here. I won’t be able to do any of that stuff bc by time that happens for me he’s in school and he can’t come out or I’ll probably be working or getting ready fo go back by time his season starts. Idk I just wish I could experience everything with him bc I feel like this is my first real relationship like I’ve been in other relationships but I counted the one with (L) my first real one but it’s not bc I didn’t get the same love back that I showed him it wasn’t like me and (N), (L) used me time and time again bc he knew he could and I’d allow it, (N) doesn’t want to do that , he’s sweet, and I’m not afraid or scared of getting used or being lied to and heartbroken , or at least not yet. I just wish he was closer 😭 I’m really emotional rn and I’m in tennis practice. I don’t have my physical yet so I can’t play so I’m sitting on my phone. Idk if I can do this like my asthmas too bad for all this. I just wanna be skinny and be able to be active. I hate being able to not run for long or not being able to do things my friends can, or being the biggest out of almost every room I walk into , or being self conscious about little things. It just sucks man I can’t do anything without wanting to cry or feeling pathetic. I just want help so I can’t keep on my self and actually try and push my self but I can’t do it and I feel pathetic asking for help. I’m just tired of it all. 😩

idk.

I wanna cuddle andddddddd sleep forever.

I'm tired.

I'm tired

Work.

Currently in work. My back hurts and so do my ankles I’m on break so I ate so that cured my stomach hurting I saw someone buy these mango Italian ices today and omg lol I’m tired.

bf.

my boyfriend is so cute, he's the sweetest thing ever I cant. he also annoying asf tho lmao. he should be coming to ny this month or next month and we can chill, I'm so happy.

I wanna go to kaylers pond and the movies and the beach and the pools and to the mall and out to eat and take naps together and play ball

Oofah.

Soo I had to be in at work today at 10. I woke up to that text from my bf and it made me happy and I thought it was gonna just make me have a great day bc I was already in a great mood. I get to work and I just keep on messing up and shit, just puttin stress and shit on me, n on top of that some customers were just being rude and it was just stressing me out. And then I feel some shit goin on and I’m like oh damn please not now so I ask my manager if I can go to the bathroom and I got my fuckin period, soo now I’m stressed, I feel nasty, I have cramps , already emotional, and then I gotta work 7 more hours ? He’ll nah sooo I legit just started to break down in the stall like Ik for a fact I was in that bitch crying for a good 5 minutes at the least. Thank god my boss is great and nice bc she gave me somethin and let me count out and go home . Yeahhh that was somethin But hey I got to go shopping after with my mom so that was pretty fun And I’m otp with my bf♥️ So as of right now I’m nice and happy 😊

Omfg.

Yo I have the best bf in the world I can’t. So like last night I wasn’t feeling well so I took a screenshot of something I wrote on here and sent it to him and we were talking about it and he’s just so sweet about it and I went to sleep and I woke up to a long ass paragraph of him telling me how perfect I am and it doesn’t matter what other people want and how he loves me and omfg This nigga is the best I really can’t , That just made me mad happy. I can’t stop smiling 😂

Mmmh.

I kinda feel like shit rn tbh. I must be pmsing bc I’m emotional asf

Confused.

I got a pretty high sex drive but I don’t wanna do anything bc like my self confidence don’t let me lol like I don’t feel comfortable showing my body to someone, shit I don’t even wanna see myself , and it’s just I hate the fact that I spend my time assuring my friends they’re perfect and shit and thinking no one needs surgery and that god made everyone perfect in his own way and I feel the need to have surgery to feel pretty and happy. Like I’m tired of feeling absolutely disgusting all the time or not being able to do the Shit I want to bc I’m afraid of getting judged or someone seeing myself how I see myself. And it doesn’t help all every guy wants is nudes or just sex and I can’t/ don’t wanna give that to them. I except everybody for what they look like and want to make them feel perfect in they’re own skin but some how I can’t assure my self of the same thing I wanna teach others ?

Happy asf.

Haven’t been on here a while, kinda forgot but lemme fill in . A bitch got a job, A loving bf (N) Clear skin bc no stress A passing grade on my first regents tests And A lil bit of self confidence 🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️ pretty fuckin lit ngl

Hi.

Ok so -brother gets out tm -friends again with one of old best friend (i) -friends with this dude who lives in Maryland (d) -I want a pool bc it's starting to get hot -I need a fucking job -MY SISTERS PREGNANT -me gustan los chicos negros, no blancos Yup That's all for now

Mm☺️ (w)

I met this dude on ig through (t) and he’s soooo damn fine, all I can think ab lately, he’s my side hoe tho bc (m) still bae🤗. But yea this dude is my age, he from nc too so he got an accent, his voice so damn deep 😩, he’s 6'3, he play football and basketball, he’s sweet, his name is cute, he’s fineeeee, he also got a shlong so 😚😛.

On another note td one of my girl friends cousins ft me and ion mess with him like that bc I respect my friend and like that’s just wrong , or at least feels wrong, plus this dude like a year or 2 younger than me, but back to the story he facetimed me and he’s with his cousin and he’s like “ damn bae u got a fatty” “show your face again” “u making my dick hard” blah blah blah, shit a 12/13 year old shouldn’t be sayin 😂, but he starts Talkin bout his dick and then I’m steady Talkin and he prop up his phone pull down his pants and start swangin and I was like omg put that away lmao bc I ain’t expect that , and he kept doin that, I think the whole time we was on ft I seen his dick like 4 times. Ngl made me a lil horny Bc he ain’t small but like that’s sin , gotta remember that’s my friends cousin, that’s wrong. Ion know I’m just thirsty atm . Need me a bf so I can get some dick and shut up🤐

Also (t) somewhat Talkin to me more, he either starting conversations , or he’s not too dry , or he just snapped back my streaks, either way he bein a lil interactive, he complimented my titties today also so that’s somethin.

My acrylics are off and my nails aren’t as long as last time but they nice length and compaired to what I usually have they so perttyy

I wanna go shopping Also wanna go hoe around

I can’t lose weight for my life and I can’t work out for a long time bc my asthma and plus food is my life and omggg Summer coming soon too and I ain’t ready Oml Gotta look good at the pool for my side hoe bc like That nigga is daddy asf