Urgh so important

i hate how embarrassing and shameful desperation feels...like looking back at more recent times in my life where I was begging for love and care and then scorning myself for needing it is so so sad to me - it's so natural and human, even if it's unhealthy at times...people arent meant to be perfect well adjusted beings and it's so stupid to wish I was always in control and respectable

like i think of my most embarrassing moments of weakness in the last 5 years where i really put myself on blast and when i wipe away all the self hate and need for control i just see me there, needing a friend and trying to be genuine with myself and i cant believe i bully that person even in the privacy of my mind

Just so I can see this whenever I want

on my hands and knees begging you to eat food that nourishes u, stay hydrated, dance to feel good music first thing in the morning, give urself grace for mistakes but simultaneously hold urself accountable, give others grace but simultaneously expect them to do better, care about other people even if it doesn’t directly affect you, get a good lash serum, get a lip balm that doesn’t feel too grainy and has the perfect glossy finish, consume poetry in appreciable quantities even on days where life is packed, experience negative emotion without sanitizing it with therapy speak bc ur a human and u were put on this earth to feel feel feel, moisturize every inch of ur body, truly introspect and ask urself if u urself match the standards u have for other people, put perfume on ur pulse points and feel it emanate ur heartbeat, do something challenging to stimulate ur soul, take up a skill based hobby, make lists and stick w them, take an intentional day off ur phone to detox, stop comparing bc no one is u (only u are u), put urself in clothes that make u feel confident in that wonderful miraculous body of urs, tilt ur head towards the sun whenever u step out of the house, clean ur bedroom w the windows open and the breeze fluttering past the curtains, make meaningful connections both with urself and with other people (including ur seniors bc they have so much wisdom to impart)

the light that shines when things end – iain thomas

unfortunately for all of us i cannot shut the fuck up

The way this hit me

the vocabulary of loss is the dictionary

““That’s how you know you love someone, I guess, when you can’t experience anything without wishing the other person were there to see it, too.” - Kaui Hart Hemmings”

—

to want and be wanted

georges bataille / emily palermo / olivia laing / @chaandajaan / georges bataille / cj hauser / @kvetchkween / @nicholasbraungf / vi khi nao / silas denver melvin

In another universe, I make no mistakes and love you the way you should be loved.

I love you the way you want to be loved.

In another universe, I love you just right.

“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”

— George Bernard Shaw

And suddenly, all the love songs were just painful reminders of you.

“And then I felt sad because I realized that once people are broken in certain ways, they can’t ever be fixed, and this is something nobody ever tells you when you are young and it never fails to surprise you as you grow older as you see the people in your life break one by one. You wonder when your turn is going to be, or if it’s already happened.”

— Douglas Coupland, Life After God

IM EVIL IM UNLOVEABLE IM WRETCHED IM TURNING INTO SOMETHING UNRECOGNIZABLE IM A MONSTER <- sat alone in room for too long

The places I’ve built for us in my head are so beautiful, if only you’d let me show you

Khata by Eugeniusz Wrzeszcz, 1900

This is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen

If you do choose to cut me open, make sure you remove every last bit of yourself