Jessica: I'm not great at the advice

Jessica: Can i interest you in a sarcastic comment?

Danny: First you have to seek to understand before you can be enlightened.

Jessica: I will literally pay you cash to stop talking.

Danny: So what time does the judgemental express arrive?

Matt: Jessica gets here at noon

Danny: *doesn’t listen to anyone and does something dumb*

Everyone:

you know what’s great about the defenders?? like, there’s a lot, but specifically the way they colour the scenes so before they appear, you know who the scene focuses on - yellow? it’s my man Luke, red? hi there Matthew, purple? oh look, here’s Jessica, but most importantly, it means that when i see a hint of green, i am prewarned and given time to prepare for whatever dumb shit Danny Rand is about to say

The Hand is so lucky that Karen is a good person. Because if she wasn’t I am pretty sure she would have called Frank immediately and by the time Defenders reached Midland Circle all they would find would be the shredded bodies of the entire Hand who quickly found out that kung fu doesn’t work against machine guns

Danny: No one calls Danny Rand, the Immortal Iron Fist, Sworn Enemy of The Hand and Protector of Kun’ Lun a thief!

Luke: No one’s got the time.

one of my favorite things about jessica jones is that she’s such a huge asshole but her two best friends are the purest cinnamon rolls on the planet and all she wants to do is protect them 

[insp: http://danasmulder.tumblr.com/post/164425467520/jessica-that-costume-looks-kinda-lame-matt-you]

watching the Defenders is so surreal

you can always tell when luke cage is coming next because the cinematography gets 357% better and the music takes on a soft, comforting tone

then jessica stumbles onto the screen and it’s like “quick, how manny blue lights can we get in this scene?? can everyone be a little more angry?”

The Defenders, on Wearing Costumes

Matt: I'm not bulletproof, have no healing factor, and need to keep my identity a secret. I'm wearing body armor no matter how much you laugh at me.

Luke: I AM bulletproof, and everybody already knows who I am. I'd like a hoodie, though.

Danny: Hi! I'm the Immortal Iron Fist, sworn enemy of The Hand! I punched a dragon in the heart!

Jessica: I'm not a superhero, fuck off.

Matt Murdock: So me and Jessica went to get some coffee this morning-

Luke Cage: WHAT?! NO!

Matt: *awkwardly holds up box of Starbucks*

Matt: Um...I was going to say that we got you a mocha latte.

Luke: Oh...okay.

Luke: *awkwardly takes his coffee and drinks it, trying not to look at Matt*

Matt: *drinks his coffee, still confused*

The Defenders

Looks like a cinnamon roll, is actually a cinnamon roll: Danny Rand

Looks like a cinnamon roll, could actually kill you: Matt Murdock

Looks like they could kill you, is actually a cinnamon roll: Luke Cage

Looks like they could kill you, could actually kill you: Jessica Jones

I find it funny that the Iron Fist is supposed to be the greatest threat to The Hand, but the hand is legitimately terrified of Daredevil or “The Devil of Hell’s Kitchen”. it’s perfectly illustrated too by the fact Danny gets his ass handed to him by just about everyone. While Matt out of practice, hesitant, and unwilling to kill, still fights on par with the Hand’s greatest warriors. Also that time Jessica had to step in because she was worried Matt was gonna hurt Danny.

All right, I am done with this tin-foil-hat shit.

Matthew: Several months ago I lost my dear girlfriend, Elektra.

Elektra: Quit telling people I'm dead!

Matthew: Sometimes I can still hear her voice.

*sees that The Punisher series has 13 episodes*

*sees that Karen Page is in 13 episodes*