sar-caustic-and-awkward - Tumblr blog

sar-caustic-and-awkward · 6 years

Text

in skyrim i married a homeless man and even though we are married and he lives in my huge fuckin house he still wears rags and asks me to give him 1 gold whenever i see him

287K notes · View notes

sar-caustic-and-awkward · 6 years

Text

after i move i really wanna get a used roomba

206K notes · View notes

sar-caustic-and-awkward · 6 years

Video

My dog and my bunny were playing in the back yard and I thought other people might enjoy watching as much as me

422K notes · View notes

sar-caustic-and-awkward · 6 years

Text

i walk into starbucks and order a pumpkin spice latte with 13 shots of espresso. i tell the barista that i intend to transcend humanity and become a god. i ask for no whip cream

481K notes · View notes

sar-caustic-and-awkward · 6 years

Text

Person: I have a crush on you. Me: Just wait, it’ll go away.

72K notes · View notes

sar-caustic-and-awkward · 6 years

Text

reblog this if you want anonymous opinions of you

244K notes · View notes

sar-caustic-and-awkward · 6 years

Text

im gonna take this moment and do something I’ve been meaning to for a while now

I’d like to clear the air and clarify my stance because I know a lot of you are probably wanting to know this too, so here it is

i don’t LIKE elmo. i wouldn’t even say he’s one of my top ten muppets I’d hang out with. he’s a benevolent chaos god in the body of a four year old, and he quite possibly has the ability to overcome death it’s self as evidence by his goldfish being alive for 25 fucking years

BUT for this very reason, I RESPECT elmo. he’s cheerful, regardless of what lays under his decieving fur, he loves kids, and most importantly he is RED. (A trait I both appreciate, and admire)

i don’t like Elmo. I respect him. Would I hang out with him? Probably not.

I hope this clears stuff up and if anyone has questions feel free to hit me up! I don’t mind clarifying if you still are confused

61K notes · View notes

sar-caustic-and-awkward · 6 years

Photo

4K notes · View notes

sar-caustic-and-awkward · 6 years

Photo

383K notes · View notes

sar-caustic-and-awkward · 6 years

Text

Someone said "Are you really so stupid to think that Africa has the same technological advances as us? If they did they would probably have clean water and not live in houses made of sticks and mud. Get over yourself and stop being so ignorant."..... Below is a tiny collection of images of the Africa they refuse to show you..

ches

I’m sorry you’ve been made to believe that the whole of Africa is poor, I really am..

784K notes · View notes

sar-caustic-and-awkward · 6 years

Video

oh my god

1M notes · View notes

sar-caustic-and-awkward · 7 years

Text

Kara Zor-El’s pod was knocked off course so she could love and protect Lena Luthor in the future and no one can convince me otherwise

1K notes · View notes

sar-caustic-and-awkward · 7 years

Text

i had a discussion today with a friend who was genuinely trying to understand why people are working so hard to ID the charlottesville nazis and contact their employers. “but won’t that just make them more desperate and violent?” they asked. “if they get fired from their jobs or kicked out of school? if they think they have nothing to lose?”

and i said, “i don’t know. maybe. but right now, these motherfuckers think they can be nazis on the weekend.”

like, i somewhat understood my friend’s hesitance re: doxxing, because doxxing is so often a tool of evil. but these motherfuckers think they can show up to a white supremacist rally on saturday where people got fucking murdered by white supremacists, and then on monday they can go back to the IT desk and log into outlook and answer their fucking office phone. they think they can show up to a rally on saturday with a shield and a helmet and beat black teenagers with fucking sticks in a parking garage, and on monday they can be back on campus, taking notes in accounting. these putrid pieces of human garbage think they can be nazis all weekend, and then on thursday they can go to the professional development workshop with the department and enjoy those brownies that diane brought in.

no. no, they fucking cannot.

if you want to be a goddamned weekend nazi, you have to be a nazi every goddamned day. you want to be a weekend nazi? then you face the fucking music on monday, you cowardly piece of shit. you go ahead and live in a world where your hatred of other people means nobody wants to hire you, work with you, live with you, break bread with you; you hateful fuck. you get to suffer the natural consequences of your belief in the lesser humanity of others. you get to live the outcome of your violence, your acts of bigotry. you get to live your ugly truth, alone.

56K notes · View notes

sar-caustic-and-awkward · 7 years

Text

Being in a room with straight people talking about straight things is so exhausting.

102K notes · View notes

sar-caustic-and-awkward · 7 years

Text

i’m about to tell you the actual funniest thing i’ve ever heard.

i’m training to become a sign language interpreter, and today i asked my mentor about weird jobs she’s been on. like has there ever been one that when she left she was like “what the actual fuck just happened to me?” and i swear her soul transcended this plane of existence for a few minutes while she told me this story.

a few years back she and a colleague got an interpreting assignment from the agency that said “spice party”. so it was like a tupperware party where someone works for a company that sells a product, and they invite people into their home to show them the product and then the guests can place an order and buy the products and in this case it was spices.

they get there, and ring the doorbell. the host opens the door and tells them that the guests haven’t arrived yet but that they’re welcome to go into the other room to look at the products so they’ll know what will be discussed during the night.

so these two interpreters were like pfft spices?? lmao we don’t need to look this up, there’s salt pepper and chilli like how hard can it be. so they walk up to the door. open it. look into the room where this spice party is supposed to take place. and stop dead in their tracks.

flashback to when the interpreting agency got the order from the host of the party. apparently it said “it’s a party where they can order products from a company called something something spicy”. so this old little lady that handles the orders just thinks “hey, it says spicy, so that must mean spices right?” she rewords the order and sends it to the interpreters.

fun fact. that company did NOT sell spices. these two interpreters open the door expecting oregano or some shit and they get dildos. just. everywhere. dildos. lube. vibrators. condoms in 75 different sizes. it was a sex toy party.

the guests arrive. this is a small ass town. the interpreters know everybody at this party. throughout the night the guests can go into a private room with the host to place an order, and the interpreters have to come along because the host is the one who is deaf. to this day they see these people on the street and have to be like “hey :)” because it’s a small town, everyone knows everyone, and they have to say hi to people knowing that they have a two foot dildo and licorice flavoured lube at home.

anyway what i got from that story is that i picked the right profession.

50K notes · View notes

sar-caustic-and-awkward · 7 years

Text

I’m in Poland and they keep showing this pizza advert and it’s amazing.

It starts off with rival pizza makers who argue over who has the best pizza and are driving the customers away