Fer // 23 // she/her // If I die, clear my search history.
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My readers making connections and going crazy with the deep lore of my writing
Me who planned nothing and just typed out whatever random string of words my brain whispered to me today
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Book 2 au with Zuko and Katara Lee and Huamei
Katara is separated from her friends, and so she's left to travel the earth kingdom on her own. She stumbles across Zuko, who is similarly travelling on his own. They decide that pairing up and travelling together would be best
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Fanfic tiktok is wild... I see so many people saying shit like "I could never read anything below 60k!!", or "What story can you even tell in under 5k words?" or "A oneshot below 10k isn't even a story!" or "I always filter completed fics by 100k< only!"
And I'm like...
A) which fandoms are you reading fics for where you have this kind of offerings on the regular?
B) have you heard of short stories? If you truly think every story NEEDS to be longform to connect with people, I sincerely feel sorry for you.
C) Average novel length is between 50k to 100k. I'm sorry, but CONSISTENTLY demanding fic writers to push out fics of that length is insane. Just think about it: YOU DEMAND AUTHORS TO PUT OUT FICS THAT COMPARE TO COMMERCIAL NOVELS IN LENGTH (AND QUALITY) AS A BASELINE.
Yall are wilding.
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Is anyone else a little insane about how many times v tells songbird "this is the homestretch" in other words "just a couple more steps cmon"
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I think it would have made for an interesting conversation if So Mi could have sensed the ICEbreaker from Reed that V got implanted with during the surgery—regardless of it being activated or not.
I imagine So Mi bringing it up during the days they were apart after Firestarter and asking: "So about that ICEbreaker..." and V replying: "Reed wanted it implanted during the surgery an' I accepted. Never plan to use it, don't worry. Was prob'ly what kept him from gettin' suspicious and flatlining me like he and Alex did with the twins." The resentment over the twins is still there, maybe she can pick up on that, too. "I couldn't do that to you." Could see this making So Mi cry.
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Book 2 au: sparring sessions and short hair katara
They like to have sparring sessions in order to keep their bending skills sharp. They allow themselves to go all out and not hold back at all cause they know if anyone got hurt, Katara could just heal them
But anyways, wouldn't it be kinda funny if Zuko accidentally burned Katara's hair tho? Aofkqldkkajfjd
The "I think we can save the hairloops" line is from @linnoya-writes thank you for that!! :>>
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can we talk about how V gives other people second chances to live when he was only granted a second chance to die, and how little v is kind of a dying sunflower because he, too, is something cheerful that’s wasting away..?
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*actual footage of me writing my next chapter*
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Started out wondering how So Mi would look in V's signature jacket and it sorta just spiraled from there-
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Let's talk about So Mi's sacrifices for the NUSA
Basically, I'm just unpacking girl's trauma, because I have nothing better to do (that's a lie, but hush). Also, I gathered some little details about her that I like.
Enjoy and suffer.
When So Mi was recruited to the FIA by Reed she lost her home and all her friends. She was blackmailed and only because she cared about them and wanted to protect them she agreeded to join. And as So Mi herself says, the girl she was died that day and someone new was born.
Over time she bonded with Reed who became her mentor and friend. He was the only person in FIA who she could trust.
She was already lonely and was seeking someone whom she could trust completely - and Reed was always there for her. He taught her his craft. He taught her about the greater values and honour. He taught her how to follow orders.
And when the orders came, she obeyed. Betraying the one who was so very dear to her. It wasn't easy or fair, but that's what he taught her. That's what he always wanted from her. We hear a lot in game that Reed died that day, but we must realise that with his death part of So Mi died as well.
The only thing left in her life was duty... And when the president Myers herself gave the order to go beyond the Blackwall, So Mi was in no position to refuse. They told her it was for the greater good of their country that needed an edge against their enemies... even if it meant breaking the international laws. Laws that So Mi knew all to well as a netrunner were created for a reason.
Once again, she had to pay the price for the 'greater good'. This time it cost her her body. We don't know the specifics as of why was she so heavily implanted (unless I missed something, then feel free to correct me). My suspicion is that the organic body simply couldn't withstand interacting with AIs in a degree that So Mi was doing it. The body may have also proven an obstacle in communicating with the Blackwall, so she had to be upgraded. Something about becoming partially a machine to communicate with another machine? I'm actually willing to believe it actually enhances her analysis capabilities (example - our girlie being able to do three things at once).
Losing her body and detachment from reality.
At this point in the world of cyberpunk someone can replace their entire body and still look human.Then why Songbird's upgrades left her looking like a machine? Her entire upper body was replaced with only front looking like her old self, while her back remained revealed. What was the reason for it? (besides that it looks hot af) To easily 'fix her' whenever Blackwall caused her more damage and pain? To allow her easier access to the Net? To make her feel more like a tool she was?
Also, we can see in So Mi's memories that this change happened in only one surgery. Every time person implants new tech it is a huge trauma for their body. Now, imagine how she felt waking up with her entire upper body gone and replaced? What once felt as a soft skin now being a metal piece and thought she can still touch, she can't really feel?
How wouldn't this cause her to feel detached from people and the reality around her? In the psychological report about her we can read that she indeed has these moments of escapism and her general mental health was decreasing over time.
Let's not forget that So Mi had no one at this point in her life. Without Reed there was no who could she confide in. No one who could protect her from damaging herself even more. When the difference between her and people around her grew larger with each new sacrifice, especially after the operation, she became isolated, trapped in the metal shell that was her new body.
Also, I think it's worth mentioning here the foreshadowing we see in game about her cyborg body. Thanks to @yuri-bullets for pointing this out.
Her jacket with rib cage on the back just screams it's message and here I am oblivious to it. Really nice touch👌
So Mi being uncomfortable with her body.
When V meets Songbird face to face for the first time, she is visibly embarrassed and I'd say even a bit uncomfortable. The image of herself that she showed V through Relic is nothing more but her wish to how she could look and be percieved. This version of So Mi probably never even existed, yet she still wants V to see her as this person.
Through the Relic So Mi is much more comfortable and chatty. She moves around more freely, speaks more calmly. And I do realise that whenever V meets So Mi in her physical form she's either a prisoner or in pain, so she doesn't really have an opportunity to show 'her real face'. Yet, there are moments when So Mi's personality slips through, confirming that this person is truly somewhere there, trapped inside the metal cage of her body.
And no, this is not up for the debate - So Mi is touch starved. She wants to touch V on multiple occasions. She craves the feeling of someone being by her side, she yearns for comfort of the flesh, because she was deprived of it for so very long.
Another thing I noticed is the change in So Mi's haircut. Maybe she's just truly getting older and her preferences change... or maybe she's trying to hide something?
This might sound a bit silly, but So Mi doesn't even have ears at this point. Her current hair is arranged in a way that it hides the sides of her head. But, notice how So Mi's Relic version tucks her hair behind her ear. Is this another 'normally insignificant' thing that she misses?
This makes me so, so sad and literally drives me insane.
The breaking point.
So Mi gave away everything in the name of duty and empty promises and she was still asked for more. Again, we don't know the specifics, but she was infected with something that originates from beyond the Blackwall. Both Johnny's engram and the AI result in the same thing - a person fading away. But, while the Relic is overwriting V's memories and replacing them with Johnny's, changing the very structure of who they are, AI that lives inside Songbird is stealing the memories away, feeding on them in order to evolve. Her own self is literally being ripped away.
The only thing So Mi had left was herself and they tried to take it away from her. The very essence of being a person. It was being stolen, piece by piece. Every memory, every sensation fading away to the point where she could not remember her old home's address or her mother's voice. She'd be left an empty void, searching aimlessly for any scrap that once used to be her. Even Johnny admits that the worst thing someone can do to another person is to change who they are. The terryfing concept of taking someone's self... ceasing to exist. A fate, some might argue, worse than death (and we see it a lot in game - Songbird, Johnny, V, Peralez, hell even Garry The Prophet talks about it!). I will probably make a seperate post about it in the future.
So Mi had to do something in order to survive. This act of self preservation born from pure desperation to remain oneself led to the events of Phantom Liberty. Please notice how despite the pain and anger that she must have felt for being treated like a tool through all her life she still didn't wish for other people to suffer. For Myers she was just another weapon, yet So Mi didn't want her dead or hurt. She didn't wish her wrong, but she had to resort to treason for her own sake. Songbird never wanted revange. She just wanted to survive and be free. She just wanted to live.
Final thoughts.
Honestly, considering how faithfully Songbird served the NUSA throughout all these years they should be building statues in her honour. Alas, history will probably never know her name and her sacrifice.
I can't get over the fact how So Mi is still a good person with good intentions. Her heart remained pure despite everything she suffered. She's tormented by guilt and regret, making the same mistakes over and over again, but she doesn't want to anymore.
I do not doubt she always wanted to help V. She wanted to be honest with them. Yet, the circumstances forced her to manipulate the truth and lie to them about the cure. I'm sure that if she wasn't at a verge of dying she'd do everything in her power to be fair and keep her word.
She was lucky though, for meeting a rare kind of person in Night City who could truly care and forgive.
Thank you for reading, hope at least some part of whatever it is I wrote makes sense. Ta-ta
and yes i will count how many times she smiles at v
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they are doomed by the narrative and they didn't have gay sex but something worse (tenderly holding each other)
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The most tragic part of sending So Mi to the Moon: She's been raised by people who would backstab you under orders with her loved ones probably moving on from her. By sending her to the Moon despite everything, So Mi has found a true friend and she didn't realize it until now when she gets there.
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you would be upset too if some cute kid you met at work was possessed by your shitbag cheating ex who died 50 odd years prior
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