you dont have to be a parent to understand the horror of walking into a room to discover that the baby crawled out of his crib and onto that pottery wheel you forgot to turn off, and while the baby is spinning around and around, the dog is sitting there all calm, like a person, gently using his paws to fashion the babys soft cartilage head into something a little more modern.  it might be the classic tale of bad parenting, but lets see where the dog is going with this

the tumblrina mind is a beautiful thing. through an iron-clad unwillingness to verbalize sexual desire, she sublimates attraction with her well recognized lust for high octane violence. "I want to fuck him" becomes "I want to slam his dick into a car door", but if ever given the opportunity, she would be unwilling to do either. I want to believe in a future where women both express and receive what they want. I want to believe in a future where desire is transformed by acceptance and exploration. I want to believe in a future where she can slam his dick into a car door as like a sex thing.

I kept repeating the phrase "I'm a wario, imma gonna kill myself" in the wario voice for the last 20 minutes and imagined an even more evil wario who just uses emotional manipulation to like, achieve his ends instead of being a normal villain. "Whahahahaha, gimme your coins or imma gonna kill myself" and you know mario being the good boy he is folds like a house of cards everytime, he doesnt want that on his conscience. "What if he does it this time luweegi?"

who is this and why did he hurt me

START BLEEDING

Instagram story 9:44 pm: really sick and tired of being treated like im disposable. Im not some wet wipe. But you arent ready to hear that

Lex post 1:08 am: will someone PLEEEEASE play with me in the toilet 😭😭😭😭

Fextralife Dark Souls II SotFS Smelter Demon page comments section 6:30 am: to my family layeer Benny Shits this is my persounal last willing testamanet, FUCK my fanily sell everything except my sybian,

holehunter.com has infinitely more value than deciding to go to a grindr man’s house

so im being horny and wayching porn and i burst out laughing because the top came and he literally sounds like someone chopped off his finger or some shit it's so fucking extra and i wish i could post it but i can't but its so fucking funny

if I play my cards right maybe this tumblr mutual and I will have sex one day

reddit is dying twitter is dying tumblr is next as people move over here in response and the corporate side of the company starts drooling at the prospect of EVEN MORE MONEY so they make staff change the website to be shittier and more like the dying websites. whats next? fireside gathering at my house where we pass the posting stick around that indicates youre allowed to make a post with words that come out of your mouth

The patient said he is on day 450 of nofap … He must fap to live 

Beware the Weedwolf!

(Commission)

I love being blocked and then being curious and I’m like I guess I’ll check their blog and it’s like ohhhh okay. You are one of the most annoying people in the world got it

1975: There is mass panic in Adelaide after a house painter / part time psychic claimed God was about to send a tsunami to wipe out the city, should a plan to legalise homosexuality become law, with news reports reaching as far as London.

In response to the media frenzy, and to reassure the public, Premier Don Dunstan announced that he will be travelling to the beach to fight the sea, where he was met by hundreds of locals who had used the apocalypse as an excuse to take the day off work.

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Fuck with me