I hate everything I am. I hate everything I am. I hate everything I am. I hate everything I am. I hate everything I am. I hate everything I am. I hate everything I am. I hate everything I am. I hate everything I am. I hate everything I am. I hate everything I am. I hate everything I am. I hate everything I am. I hate everything I am. I hate everything I am. I hate everything I am. I hate everything I am. I hate everything I am. I hate everything I am. I hate everything I am. I hate everything I am. I hate everything I am. I hate everything I am. I hate everything I am.I̷͓͇̔̌̎̾̀̇́̀͘ ̴̡̰̙͔͓͎̖̹̭̾̆h̷̛̘̤̋͋͐̈́́́a̶̢̱̼̰̹͍̻͇̳͖̽̄͗̍t̴̨̪̪̗̉ẽ̷̺́͆ ̶̛̞̩̫̖̗̙̗̬̆̊͆̍̓̃̀͐e̸̫͓͕̜͇̼̜̰̲̾̿̓̅̅̕ͅv̷̼̄̔ę̷͙͕͕͑͂̒͠r̵̞̂̋̿͐̓͒͑̄̑ẏ̸̛̹̰͎͊̉͗̅́̅͐̈́t̴̪̥̝̆̌̑͐́͐͂͝h̴͕̰̳̣̻̭̫̩̟̒į̷̯̼̙͓̬̬̹͖̈́̏̃̏̆̈́́̌n̸̹̣͉̽̌͗̄̽̈́̈́̐͂g̵̨͖̣̥̥̥̭̘͑̔͛̈́̏͝ ̶̧̤̩͙̝̻͍͖̖̃͒͊͗̆̔̆͜͝I̷̢̛͍͖̗̺͇̭̼̓̀͊͗͛̊̿ ̴̟͔͆͌̋̐̃̎̈́͘ǎ̵̟̍̍͘m̴̡̛̞̺̻̰̯̔ͅ.̶̞͈̿̓̽̉͘ ̴̭̈͐̽I̸̢̞̱̮͓̜̫͙̿͘ͅ ̵̡̤̯̰̦̳̠͚̩̉̔̈̎̊̋͂͠h̷̖̫̹̫͊́́̃̚ą̷͚̞͇̻̤͖̩̦͎̑̈́͌̀̉͋̓̏́͝t̴̢̧̰͚̼̰͙͆̌͊̄̈̋̂͘ẽ̶̛͉̯̏͒͌̆̕̕ ̴̥͎̣̗̗͓͗͆̃͛̽͗́̏ẻ̷̫̥̮͎̠̰͓̽̏̀ṿ̵̽̎̂̓̇̎e̸̡̡̧̛͔̘̥̮͙͍̞̋̑̔̂̂̾̈́̏̕r̵̼̮̙̟͍̙͓̹̔̾̆́͜y̵̨̢͖͘ţ̷̮̘͚̻͔̝̳̰̥͂̌h̶̢̜͎͍̎ǐ̵̛̩͙͔͕̖͈̰̣̍̃̚̚n̶̛͓̦͍͉̩̳̦̻͆̃́̃̓́̚g̴͈̪̺̬̰͇̝̉̆̌̐̿̒̀̚ͅ ̴̖͔͔̒͒͗͌̓̈́̕͝ͅḮ̵͇̻͙̌̀̃̐ ̷̛͚͓͒̌̾͝a̸̧͇̘̬̩͂̾m̷̼͖̀̓̿̐͆͋̊̚.̷̡͚̩̘̝͚͚̮̑͛̈̿̋ ̴͙̮̰͇͕̑̏ͅĮ̴̟͔̙̗̱̱͑͑̓̊̔̾̋͝ ̵̨̟̲̤̫̼͍̤͎͆̈́̈͋̓̇̏͠h̵̺͉͔̙͎̖̳̙̑̈́͝á̵̧̱̯̲͈̈̉͐̐͗̀͝ţ̴̺͈̼͎͚̼́̒̓̈́e̷̩͎̯̚ ̸̨̡͇̻̺̰̑̎̕͝e̶̠͈̫̪̭͗̐̀ͅv̴̢̰̣̦̯͙̪̑̃͘ȅ̶̼͚̎͆̈̀̓͋͊͜ŕ̷̞͕̪̹̼͊̚͜͠ỹ̵̰̭̺̖̦͙̟̜̈́͋̀̃͘͠͝ṱ̵̡̢͙̹͈̻̤̥̀̃̈́̈́̽̓̚̕ḣ̵͈̰̈́͒į̶͍̖̲̬̦̠͗̑̃́̌̄͆̅͝͝ͅṇ̴͔͖̰̫͙̞̙̖͗̀̇͝g̴͙̼̤͕̤̘͒͋͊̅͘ ̴̨̲̺̦̠̫͔̞͍͐̽̂͊͂̑͆Ī̸̡̠͓͇͈͚̗ͅͅ ̷̦͕͈̣̠̩̌͗ͅa̸̡̨̻͙͚͇͇̝͚͗̃̐ḿ̸̡͇̲̥̭̤̝̈́.̶͚͔̗̝̯̪͗̀̐̉͝ ̶͍̹̣̠͋Ị̴̥͚͇͌́̀̊ ̷̛̠̞̯͓̺̱̤̽̆̈́̂͋͗͘̚ḩ̵̤͇͖̳̥̆̅̋̄a̵̝̽͛̈́ţ̶͎̠̯̖̥͖̠̼͙́͒̏̿̚͠e̶̜̒̈̋̀ ̸̡̧̫̥̱̖͔͚͊̑̏ę̷͓͙̥̙͇͖̞̆̀̀ͅv̸̡̨̛̗͕͔͒̈̋̏̑͊̀́ͅé̸̛̗̻̟̩̝̠̮͌̑̏̌͂̚̕r̵̞̗̫̖̫͗́̀̅̂̈́ȳ̵̗̗͗̒̓̈͐ẗ̵̢͙͍̜̦́̂͒̚ȟ̵̢̢̰̯̥͈̳̓͜i̴͈̮̇n̷͈̹̬̮̄̋̕͜g̶̨͇̫̯͕̥̤͛̐͆̊̿ͅͅ ̵̧̦̦̠̦̟̭̱͐̆͐̿Ĩ̸̳͇̲̱̏͊̓̚ ̶̨̱͕̰̟͔̂̾͋͂̐̾̒ͅą̴̘̈́m̶̙͚̠̞̱͈̅.̷͔̮̼̟̬̤͋͂̋͑͑͋͒̇̆͊ ̴̨̲̮̣̹̠͚̰̦̎̀̊͐͠͝ ̷̫͕͉͇̮͂͊I̷̡̙̟̼̼͉̗͇̗̝͒́̉ ̷̧̢̛̜̲̹͔̼̠̻͙̇͋́̊̕h̶̡͍̬̘̺͓̃̉̋͒̓á̷͔̺̞̣̺̜ͅt̶̳͈̘̏ͅe̸̢̞͛̃̓̕ ̵̧̝̼͓̥̓͝e̵͚͇̣͔͈̾͋̈́̂̄͐̔̚v̵̫͈̥̲̰̮̯̰͐̕̕͝è̷̼̓̉̂̆̌̓̕ṛ̴͉̳͈͈̂̂̃͜͜͝y̶̯̲̳̙̟̳̩͎̪̲̑̑̄̕̕t̵̨̡̻̺̮̹̫̭͈̥̾͗͆̂̏͑h̵̼͈̜̩̪̹̣͎͕̉̾į̷̳̝̝̮͕̮̀̎̓͑̋̽̑͝ņ̴̨̹͇̠͆͊̍̅̌̽͒̌̈g̶̗̥͉̮̀͂͐̒̆̂̄ ̸̗̻̪̺̈́̎I̵̼̫̞͕͕̱͔͓̬͉̿ ̴̹͗̈́͗͆ȃ̵̞̹̮͂̂̆ͅḿ̷̡̪̲̩̾͐̏̕.̴̢͓̤͚̠̥̪̣̐̀̍͆̋͆̑̉͗̃ ̷̧̩̽̐̋̽̅̃̀Ị̴̺̞͚͚̪̘̣̳͑ ̸̨͓̯̲̤͂̇̃̾̈̇̋̕͠h̴̡̙̬̪̰̱̫͙͍̑̓͑ͅa̶̩̝͔̞̦̤̣͎̯͑̌͗̒͊̍̇t̵͖͕̲̹̿̄̌͋́̿̄̐͐͜e̸͕̱̳̙̓͒̈͛̐͒̓ ̴̧̻̩̥̠̹̳͗̿̊̂̋̀̐̒ͅe̸͍̺̘͉̬̲̰̞̰̝̽͋̈̈́̈́̐̌̕̚͝v̶͎̻͍̏͒é̷̱̥̯̈́̌̓͘r̵͕̭̜̗̅̍̅̀̄͜͜͝y̸̢̮͕͕̜͍͎͍̫͛̈́̈͜͝ẗ̵̝͖͎͎̜̟̜́̆͜͝ḩ̵͚͔̿̓̏̍͝i̸̧̜͚̖͆͛̈́́͛̚n̶͎̟͙̲̗̯̫̱̲̔̊̑́͗̾g̸͉̓͂̐̒ͅͅ ̵̯̠̬̞̤̗̲̠̇̎̇̚Ǐ̵̢͓̻͎͕͕̓̄͒̌ ̶̧̢̲̜͔̝͇̭̇̉̎̊̈́̀̆͆͘͝a̸̹̥̥̞̝̹͐̒̓̊͆͜m̶̢̠̮̙͕͍̳̊̿̈͝ͅ.̷͚̝̻̝͖̬̎̑̕̚͝͝ͅ ̶̌́ͅI̸̢̻̟̲̥̻̠̓̑͑́̄̓͝ ̴̗̣̣̱̻̻̰̠̆̇́́͒̈́̐̚h̵̛̞͋̈́̑̽͋̈́̂͒̕ä̸̧͇̭͕̺́̏̎̾̕̕ẗ̷̡̳͕̠͉̬̖͕̟͚̈́͆e̸̛̛̹͎͖̔́̾̂̀̿̋͂ ̴̡̛͍̬̋̀̐̏̓́͐͛e̴̠̲̺̬̥̫̲͖͋̀͂͌̐̃̈́͊͜ṿ̷̧̼̫̟̈́͑́̔̽ę̵̲͕͇̩̞͐͗̈́̑͒̓̾̅͘r̴͔̖̻̾̄̿̚ÿ̴̫́͂̈ͅt̴̼̘̦͝h̷̦̙͚̜͓͚̱͊͛̇͑͆̐̒͘ͅǐ̴̡̹̆͑̄̌ņ̴͉̳̣̌͐̐̽̓͗͘g̴̛̼̲̰̀̊͑̆̚͘ͅ ̷̧̧̪̟̻͆̀͗̎͗̐̉I̵̠̖̓̄̂ ̶̢̛̳̮̇͗̅͌̾͜a̶̢͈͓̰̒̿̃̈́̀͐̏̓̿͜͝m̴̟̪̘̻̓̈́.̶̛̥͍̘̠̲̹̇͆̏̒̎̒̈̌ ̵̲͔̬̪̝͎̱̳͒̄̆̋̅́̅̔̕͝I̷̮̱͕͂̇̔͊̈͂͒ ̴̥͙̲̩̻̗͙͐̑̊̓̀̆̃̏͛͜ḩ̴̡̱̼̓̆͛̎̔a̴͈͎͍̻̦̜̰̭̥̐̑̒̊̒ͅt̷̖̩͊͐̆̇̅̈e̸̡̟̰̮̔͋̄̈͊̎̃̕͘ ̷̤̻̈́̄̌̐̾̏̀̚̕̕e̷̠̞͉̘͚͐̔̓v̷̨̞̔e̶̳͕͍̐̓͆͑͛͐̚͜r̴͙͚̅̎y̵̧̨̥̪̳̠͑̉̐̑̄͐͋̿̊͜͜t̸̨̧̹́͌̃̑̊͋̿͝ḫ̵̛͍͔̞̣̻̊͒̈́́̿̄̌͝i̷̧̡̢̦̮̟̯͌͋͐̀̌̚͜͝ṋ̷̲͐̐͘g̸̨̡͚̱̻͙͈̽̀̍̏̊̚ ̵̱̭̠̘̘͙̣̼͕̲͗͋̄I̶̧͕̞͔̘̮̦̱̗̟͌̔̀͘ ̶̼͎̕a̶͇̪͉͈̲̻̓̀͗͐̇̎͝m̵̧̧̹̳̖̃.̸̯͔̯͓̮̲̆̃̍͒̈͆̓̉͜ ̵̲͖̝̈͑͋̔͋̍̐͘̕͝I̵̼̮̳̲͎̋̅͂́́̒̌̍̊̀ ̶̲̞͎͙̱̯̥͔̟̠̿̉̏̓͠h̵̢̧̳̮̖̥̩̥̙͈̿̎͆̀́̌͂̍ȧ̸̡͇͙͙͔̟̙̰͒̈́̉̓͘t̶̪̥͎̻̕e̷̗͚̰͎͖͗̆̋͗͊̐̉ͅ ̸̢͙̝͙͔̪͔̩̗̈̈́̐̔̒̂ề̶̢͖̯̣̦̱͚̪̥͍̀̽́v̸̪̌̄̀̒̂́̂̆è̵͔̰͛̀̃͌̀̀̀́ŗ̶̙̱̮̩͇̩͕̭̬͂͌͑̅̍̃̈́̅ý̷̢̡͍̟̝̣̤̰̌̽̓̊͂͘͝͠͝t̴̯͒̂ḫ̶̛̹̣̹͙̼̤͔̽͂̓̇̃͘͠͝͠i̸̡̫̹̝̹̥͖̬͍͂̀ṉ̷̹̞̓̉̎ͅg̷̢̛̭̝͙̰̳͎̲͍̳̽̉̑̂̃̑͆ ̸̡̡̡̧̮̱̯̥̆ͅḮ̷̜͉ ̶̨̥̫͈̟̺̰͚͑a̵̜̟̥͔̥͐͗̉̋̅͆͂̃͊̾͜m̵̛̭̹̱̝̯̮̫͆͆͊̅͋.̷̢̻͈͑͋̃̈́͊̑̎̃͘̚͜ ̷̲͕̲̝͎͒̑̐͌̎͛͊̍̿ ̸̨̛̖͉͙̫̬̓͑̉̇̃̐Ĭ̷̺͍̟͙̜̿̈́͊̐͜͝ͅ ̸̧̢͖̲͎͈̥̄̓̄h̷̥͎͈̉̀͝a̷̡͇͎̽́̑̑͌̔͝t̷̨͓̾̈͊̀͑̿͛̓́ȇ̷̖̈̐͝͝ ̵̙͇̻͎̺̭̉͑̉̽́̋͛̕ȩ̸̬͔̝̱͆̽̇ͅv̶̧͈͈͓̻̟̣͖̬̑́̕̕͜e̶̮̼̻̜̮̫͎̊̑̑̄́͜ͅr̵̝̔̄̓y̴̭̯̅̈́̇͑̄̃͗͜t̷̼̦̫̳̝̫͒̄́͂ͅḩ̴̥͋̃͠î̵̗̘͍̫̜͙̼͇̏̂͋̆̈́͒͘͠n̴̳̫̜̩̠̮͈͝g̷̤͍̮̋͗̏ ̴̛̛̝̯̞̲̳̩͔͍̩̃̉̐͛̋̽̚͜Í̶̝͖̤̳̲͓̄͐̉̏̒̔̏̕͜͝ ̵̳̭͚͎̉̓̽̂̽̏̐̕͝a̸̡̲̪͑̅̊̔̂͂̏̈͠m̷̡̧͖͚̼͎̗̞̅̀̓͜.̷͓͓̞́͐̓͗͆͘͘ ̷̢̛͕̣͉̬̹͍̗̌͌̾̚̚̚I̸̗̩̱͖̩͋̓͝ ̷̫͕̰͇̱̭͚̭̌͛ḧ̸̙̜̥̥̭̖̀̑͐̌̑̇͑ǎ̷̟̥̦̣̈́͋̐͊́̚͝t̵̨̫̮̥̥͑̾͒̊͗̍̋̽͝͠ę̵̟̥͕̤̩̿ ̴̧̨̤̥̤̹̬̰̩̈́̃̾̅̓͊͌͑̀e̴͔͍̖͂v̶̢͍̰̪̥̜̟̜̹͉̑́̈́e̶̦̺͕͎̱̗̜̹͉̒̃ŗ̵͈̞̝͖̄͒̓̽̍͆͠y̶̧̬̙̥̰̼̬̩̌̓̾̄t̷̨̙̲͚̥̱̳̘̓̄̎͒̐͑̉̄̚h̸̢̧͍̦̙̔͑̊͠į̷̱̘̹͍̈́̌̈́ń̵͔̥̾̕g̶͓͓͙͚͔̭̯̰̳͆̆̆̄ ̵̙̰͎̘̑͑̍̈́̒́I̵͓͉̺̦̱͕̻̞̿̋̾̀̇͌ ̷̛̼̺̖̂̆́͊̄̓̍̿̏á̷̢̜̥̳̯̪̦̐̐̓m̸̧̜̠̪͈͚̣̪̮̗͐̏͑̔̋̽̄͒̒̽

Anne Carson, from Grief lessons: Four plays by Euripides.

I wish mental illness was how it is in the movies; crying in your bathtub at 2 am and doing all of these wild things, and someone coming along to save you. But in reality you just lock yourself in your room all day and stare at the ceiling; and the world keeps moving around you but you just stand still.

i literally have to lay down after every minor task. going to the supermarket is a herculean effort. how am i supposed to live a life like this

Nothing will ever get better, will it? It’s been years and years and nothing has changed.

“Being suicidal doesn’t mean that I’m going to kill myself. Being suicidal is having this inexplainable ache while you’re living. It’s waiting for your life to end, and wishing that you didn’t have to carry on. Having this ache, and incapability to feel happy living, doesn’t mean that I am going to kill myself; it just means that I wouldn’t mind dying.”

— (via lost-alone-broken)

no matter how much time passes you will always be that socially awkward sad 13 year old girl who feels like no one gets it

my struggles seem so insignificant.

maybe I'm not sick enough. not scarred enough. not skinny enough. not fat enough. not sleep deprived enough. not failing enough. I'm not visibly struggling enough.

I'm. not. sick. enough. for. you. to care.

What is wrong with me. What is wrong with me. What is wrong with me. What is wrong with me. What is wrong with me. What is wrong with me. What is wrong with me. What is wrong with me. What is wrong with me. What is wrong with me. What is wrong with me. What is wrong with me. What is wrong with me. What is wrong with me. What is wrong with me. What is wrong with me. What is wrong with me. What is wrong with me. What is wrong with me. What is wrong with me. What is wrong with me. What is wrong with me. What is wrong with me. What is wrong with me.

Yes yes yes but the problem is that my fucked up brain doesn’t believe anyone’s reassurance und just thinks they’re lying to me.

i need this more than oxygen