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Killing Me Softly
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If I had a dime for every dime for everytime ive been punished for doing what I thought was the right thing, i'd be a wealthy man.😔
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I'm grateful for today. I helped take down a page on Facebook that has been running since 2017, that justifies the idea pedophillia. Clovergender rights community page is no more. Cheers!
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An "idea" is what created a nuclear bomb. An "idea" is just as dangerous as a nuclear bomb.
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I'm a winning loser
Rub my name in manure
Yeah I loved
But I never really knew her
Heavy are these burdens
I carry on my shoulder
Come and warm my heart
The world is getting colder
Heavy is the crown
Heavy as a boulder
Mad is the hatter
Don't accept the whimper
Only the laughter
You dont hafta love me
Just tolerate the bastard
Kick rocks kick cans
Kick back ends kick dust
Look at the flesh in disgust
A vertical stance
A forward. Thrust
Pull my heart out
And watch it rust
so addicted
to things
That just hurt us
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Ive been fighting my demons again/ a battle that's impossible to win/I was born into this world of sin/the handshake mistaken for a fist/a razor turned towards wrist/waiting on death to give me my last kiss
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If I fuck up, it would be nice to know😔
It sucks being ignored, the awkward stares, the silence when I enter the room. I carry on talking and participating in conversation only for everyone to grow quiet.I don't know what I did?😐 How is this fair?I do feel the pressure of speaking my mind, for I don't alwsys try to act out my raw emotions, it's processing that stings and the uncertainty whether it's all in my head, or legit some thing I did or said...either way,the anxiety kills me in my silence
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Just like that😐 another game with my head..i'm such a tool and a fool,I hate that i feel anything at all..i wish I could just be numb and stay numb..
Morning how are you??
I don't even know how or what to say, but I need to do what's right, I love talking to you, and you're literally the best guy ever, but I don't think we should carry on speaking in the capacity that we have. I like you I really do n this is why I feel like It needs to stop now before it gets too far , I am not in the business of hurting people, not you, not myself and not my family😔 I'm not a kid anymore and I shouldn't do stuff like this and it was really immature of me, I whole heartedly apologise for any hurt I may cause by this, but I really do hope you see that I have your best intentions at heart, I don't want to hurt you. I still wanna carry on talking to you and being there for you if that's what you want to do i completely understand if not and again I'm so sorry. But I really do think it's best for all sides😪
I'll just leave this here..this is where I can hide, none of you know me, none of you can hurt me..that is all
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Keep it simple/ balance myself in the middle/clusterfucked lives a riddle/disappointment hurts more then just a little/ take my heart/rip it apart/ I'm an anxiety fueled race car/ till I draw the spade card/sometimes i try to hard/ look at me I'm made of such beautiful scars
Who am i just a man/ the blue print doesnt always work out as planned/it gets rough/ the calises on my hand/say have ive done enough?/ survialism a must/ despite my heart gathering rust/ so many times ive wanted to just give up
But here i am/ 10 toes i still stand / despite sinking in the quick sand/ I'm not perfect/ I'm just a man/the worlds not in my hand/is this repitition worth it?/I'm never for certain/too busy workin/heart heavy hurtin/does anyone understand?I'm gritting my teeth/father are you with me?/machines never sleep/laugh, the world wants you to weep/I'm drowning i went too deep
Take this burden/am i the man in the mirror?/am I silent or can you not hear?/that's I'm uncertain/am i worthless?/some wounds never heal/ yes im hurtin/am I the one behind the wheel?/do I give a damn?/ am I as God am?/am I perfect?/in mirrors reflection I stare/ my worst enemies there
The devil stands behind/the back of my mind/when is enough, enough?/I'm running outta fucks/kick me when im down/stomp my name in the ground/ heart cold as winter/soul stubborn as a splinter/a loser but a winner/I'll never fuckin surrender
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I am not a great man
I did help kill an acronym
Lay truth that deaf ears
Will never understand
Change is what they fear
Look one direction
But be blind to the other
Take aim at my brother
I'll burn this bridge
then build another
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While doing push ups in a verticle stance
The concretes stained blood on my hands
My mirrors reflection doesnt reveal who I am
The Tetris pieces fit in world made of plastic
Hold a bible and while holding an automatic
An orphan the abominations a bastard
Its a cold world and not getting better faster
Mask on mask off I aint ever hid
If I said I did you best believe I did
Anxiety driven im a race car I race hard
I'm anxiety fueled race car till some one draws the spade card
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I see
but I rather be blind
Am I ugly?
Or just not the loving kind?
These memories
Constantly shuffled on repeat
I'm losing my mind
Ask me how I'm doing
My reply
I'm forever " just fine"
I rather you smile then weep
Maybe it's just me
Maybe if I erase your pain
I can feel atleast a little sane
Maybe it makes me happy
To know you're good
Was the handshake
Mistaken for a fist?
Then maybe you misunderstood
I'm Mr.self destruct
Mind tied in knot
Clusterfucked
Laugh
And the world's your stage
Weep
And the cynics
Just tare the page
A toast from a ghost
I'm fading
Fading away
Appreciate me today
Before it's too late
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Leave me be with my imaginary expectations of what It truly means to be free
No chains around my feet but between this debt and stress I struggle to breathe, this anxiety is killing me
Under lady liberty the quote reads give me your sick poor and weak but liberties fade like the red white and blue flag bleeds when submerged in bleach
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My moral fabric is spread thin
Repeat the repetition
The bone machine needs fed
Again again and again
I am my best and least favorite friend
But here i am
My patience balances on the point of safety pin
I'm doing my best to hold it all in
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