.retrieve arms

.retrieve arms

You swiftly CAPTCHALOUGE the ARMS.

[PROPOSE]

[START]

.Take a look in your closet.

.look in closet

You take a LOOK in your closet. Evidently, this is where you hang up your BUTTON-UPS and JACKETS as any dapper young man would. You also keep your PANTS on top of your BOOKSHELF, where you house a VARIETY of BOOKS and KNIK-KNACKS.

There's also a LIFESIZE PLASTIC SKELETON, because it's funny.

[.retrieve arms]

[START]

John: *captchalogue notecard*

.john captchalogue notecard

You CAPTCHALOUGE the NOTECARD into the same QUEUESTACK that the bunny is in. You never know when you'll need fatherly words of encouragement. Probably NEVER.

[.look in closet]

[START]

John *examine notecard*

.john examine notecard

It's another EMBARASSING NOTE from your DAD. He likes to leave these around the house in both CONSPICUS and BIZZARE locations. He’s always baking you FRESH TREATS or expressing his APPRECIATION FOR YOU. It’s incredibly embarrassing and honestly rather annoying. He always wants to ENGAGE IN YOUR INTERESTS and SPEND TIME WITH YOU. What is his problem?

[.john captchalouge notecard]

[START]

john: take bunny

.john take bunny

You TAKE the bunny, CAPTCHALOGUING it into your SYLLADEX. You barely understand what this means.

[.john examine notecard]

[START]

.==>

Another drawer contains a STUFFED BUNNY. Not just any stuffed bunny, however, but a GENUINE MOVIE PROP from the 1997 American action thriller CON-AIR starring Nicolas Cage, John Cusack and John Malkovich. This is the best and most precious gift you have ever received, so you keep it safe in this drawer. The CERTIFICATE OF AUTHENTICITY is somewhere around here. You tear up a little, both from sheer AWE and because it smells.

The last drawer contains your UNMENTIONABLES, which you don't feel comfortable digging through right now.

[.john take bunny]

[START]

.john explore inside your dresser

.john explore dresser

You OPEN your DRESSER DRAWER. This is where you keep your T-SHIRTS. You also keep VARIOUS PROPS for any SPONTANEOUS GAGS, PRANKS, and/or MAGIC TRICKS you decide to bust out. Contents Include: SEVERAL (~) GRAPHIC T-SHIRTS, ONE (1) WHOOPEE CUSHION, ONE (1) PAIR of PLASTIC VAMPIRE TEETH, A FEW (~) PIECES of FLASH PAPER, ONE (1) PACK of ELECTRIC TRICK GUM, ONE (1) RUBBER CHICKEN, and SEVERAL (~) COINS. Most of your T-SHIRTS have GHOST IMAGERY on them. This is because GHOSTS are AWESOME.

[.==>]

[START]

.reexamine bedroom

.re-examine bedroom

You RE-EXAMINE your bedroom, taking note of everything around you. You have ONE (1) MAGIC CHEST, ONE (1) DRESSER, on which sits ONE (1) NOTE CARD. ONE (1) TWIN-SIZE BED, ONE (1) HAMMER, SEVERAL (~) NAILS, ONE (1) PC SETUP on your DESK and ONE (1) MEDIA STORAGE UNIT. You also have SEVERAL (~) POSTERS and ONE (1) CLOSET which is currently out of view. What an interesting environment that can be explored further!

[.john explore dresser]

[START]

.==>

...maybe not all random impulses are fun to indulge in.

[.re-examine bedroom]

[START]

tear down your least favorite poster and eat half of it like a feral hog, kicking and screaming preferably

.tear and consume least favorite poster in a hoglike fashion

You LEAP on to your bed and RIP OFF the BOTTOM HALF of your MAC AND ME B POSTER with your TEETH. You then SHAKE IT AROUND LIKE A FERAL ANIMAL while on ALL FOURS, all while GROWLING like some sort of BEAST.

[.==>]

[START]

do a little dance!

.do a little dance

You do a LITTLE DANCE because you're whimsical like that. Random impulses are very fun to indulge in!

[.tear and consume least favorite poster like in a hoglike fashion]

[START]

.==>

ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG]

EB: hey, happy birthday. GG: hi!! thank you!!! EB: how does it feel to be old now? GG: pshsh you say that every year!! im only half a year older than you, silly EB: yeah and i will say it again! EB: ooooooooold. GG: >:( GG: hehehe EB: i sent you a gift, i hope it arrives on time. trying to mail anything to you is dumb and stupid. GG: yeah… TnT GG: its okay though! i feel like itll get here! right on time ^w^ EB: okay, i trust you 100% EB: you and your freaky mind powers. GG: i dont have freaky mind powers!! i just have really good intuition!!!!! EB: FREAKY FREAKY MIND POWERS GG: shut up!! GG: kidding! hehe EB: yeah i know you are kidding LOL. GG: oh! did you get that new game yet? GG: im really excited to play it with everyone :D EB: it just arrived today! my dad took in the mail so i think it is in his office. GG: yay!!! GG: oh! i need to go. cake wont make itself!! EB: bluhhh do NOT talk to me about cake. i can already smell the fumes. GG: oh soooorry mr pastry hater. i forgot about your feud with she-who-must-not-be-named EB: THE WICKED BATTER WITCH HAS HER GOOEY BATTERY EYES HIDDEN EVERYWHERE! EB: actually that is gross don't imagine batter in your eyes. GG: actually im scarred >~> EB: LMAO okay bye.

ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG]

[.do a little dance]

[START]

.JOHN: Talk to one of your friends.

.john talk to friend

You walk over to your desktop computer and open up PESTERCHUM, your chat client of choice. You use this chat client to converse with ALL of your friends, of which there are THREE.

You open up a new chat window to pester your aforementioned friend. It seems like she is online, which is ALWAYS a GAMBLE.

[.==>]

[START]

have birthday anyways

.have birthday anyways

NO. Although your DAD would be DELIGHTED to put on another celebration, that would also mean he would bake you a CAKE. This is the WORST POSSIBLE EVENT. Although, you WILL be celebrating a birthday today. Today happens to be the birthday of your longtime FRIEND, who lives very far away.

Speaking of which, you should probably wish her a happy birthday!

[.john talk to friend]

[START]

.==>

Your name is JOHN. As was previously mentioned it is NOT your BIRTHDAY. It is, however, another SPECIAL DAY. You have a variety of INTERESTS. You have a passion for REALLY TERRIBLE MOVIES. You like to program computers but you are NOT VERY GOOD AT IT. You have an affinity for PARANORMAL LORE, and are an aspiring AMATEUR MAGICIAN and CUNNING PRANKSTER. You also like to play GAMES sometimes. What will you do?

[.have birthday anyways]

[START]

.JOHN EGBERT

.john egbert

Spot on.

[.==>]

[START]

.JOSH ERLACH

.josh erlach

What a wonderful name for a young boy of such caliber! Unfortunately, you're wrong. Try again.

[.john egbert]

[START]