bro i’m sorry i said “good game” after we had sex

chasemery​.

Chase wasn’t a party crasher - at least, he liked to think that he wasn’t.  But practical jokes were fun and it was easy to sneak away into someones bedroom to saran wrap everything when everyone else was drunk, dancing, hooking up, or chasing each other through the street.  It was even better when the parties were off campus - less cameras, and less likely anything was going to be traced back to him.  He unrolled the wrap and he started draping it from the ceiling fan, attaching it to different parts of the room and back, jolting a little when he heard the door begin to open.  “Someone’s in here!” he exclaimed, before the other opened it all the way, catching him right as he was draping the plastic from the bed post to a bookshelf.  “I was just tidying up,” he said, his eyes never leaving the intruder. *// @rorybergstrom​

In all honesty, Rory was just looking for an empty place with semi-decent lighting to take a nude. He’d joined a couple of dating apps earlier that day in an attempt to make him feel less lonely, but this one guy wouldn’t shut the fuck up about scoring a dick pic to see if talking was ‘worth his time’, and rather than just say no like any sane individual would, Rory’d passed the point of drunkenness when sending a nude to Riley, 27, from Grindr seemed like an okay thing to do. One hand on his belt and the other on his phone (sheathed in the pocket of his jeans) he looked something like a cowboy at a Wild West shootout as he slung open the door of the saloon, blinking a couple of times to check he wasn’t tripping. “Oh, shit...” Rory started, all thoughts of camera angle momentarily pushed aside as he took in the state of the room. “Woah... I’m not... Okay I don’t wanna’ judge you, dude, like do whatever the fuck makes you happy, but I just gotta say this one thing---” Steadying himself against the wall, Rory pursed his lips, and began fiddling in his pocket for the baggie he’d borrowed from Lana. “Saran wrap’s, slike, superbadforthe environment...” Half-slurred, it was probably hard to take him seriously, yet the tone he adopted was resolute, wide-eyed and stumbly. “Like, do you know how long it takes that shit to biodegrade?” He actually waited for a few moments, like Chase owed him an answer, before cutting his own silence with a frantic burst of, “it doesn’t!” Somewhere between looking for a room to take a nude in and discovering this site of sustainability mayhem, Rory had taken on all the betrayal and anguish of that lawyer up bit in The Social Network. Either that, or he’d done another key and forgotten about it. “A turtle’s gonna eat that shit and... And choke to death, dude. So like... while it might seem cool and harmless... kinda a dick move.” Hands held up in surrender, he backed towards the wall, kissing his teeth. “I’m just sayin’.”

@russianbot69420: @fishbowlstew pussy

@fishbowlstew: @russianbot69420 um..... get gud, n00b

@fishbowlstew: one nation under my cock

@fishbowlstew: @fishbowlstew on second thoughts this is rlly offensive and just downright inappropriate my sincerest apologies to anyone affected by the aforementioned tweet

@fishbowlstew: one nation under my cock

@russianbot69420: @fishbowlstew jst as long as we're united against the ultra capitalist neoliberal scourge that is webkinz

@russianbot69420: @fishbowlstew ofc i do

@russianbot69420: @fishbowlstew altho................ :/ this might be a dealbreaker https://i.imgur.com/RL2NmJy.png

@russianbot69420: @fishbowlstew @RockstarGames LET ARTHUR FUCK . ALSO STOP WORKING UR PPL TO DEATH 3

@fishbowlstew: @russianbot69420 wow i have literally never been more attracted to you

@fishbowlstew: @russianbot69420 @RockstarGames ye i was confused abt that bcos i play this legendary female outlaw in the online version n she's like.... well in my head she's this victorian orphan who was taken in by a convent

@fishbowlstew: @russianbot69420 @RockstarGames bt she ran away n then got snatched by child snatchers and made to work in a brothel n eventually won the help of a tradesman from the east india trading company n escaped to saint denis on a ship

@fishbowlstew: @russianbot69420 @RockstarGames in the game u cant rlly have a backstory for yr oc but that's my rough plan. and she's also a radical left queer feminist but i realised she cnt sleep w prostitutes in the brothels? n thot it might be a gender / heteronormative thing??

@fishbowlstew: @russianbot69420 glad to hear its not homophobia but sad to hear even arthur has to endure no nut november in the eternal wasteland of the midwest. @RockstarGames let arthur fuck and #getgood at maintaining ur staff's wellbeing

@fishbowlstew: @russianbot69420 idk why im still tweeting u literally jst come round, our friendly neighbourhood tortoiseshell , chairman meow, is back

         On reflection, the text he’d sent in restless agitation was perhaps a little hasty. No one was dying. There was no grand catasrophe. He’d simply woken in the dead of night with a pain in his chest so fierce he could swear he’d swallowed a needle.

          SMS from RORY, 01.14: hey man i know it’s late so no worries if you don’t see this til morning. if on the off chance you’re a) awake n b) not busy can we talk?? going for a smoke @ the knocking lake either way x

        The kiss, he realised upon reflection, had been a bad call. Or maybe he was just overthinking it. He put kisses on his text messages to Levi, to Lana, to Felix. Why shouldn’t Teddy be the same? The weight of something unsaid, heavy on his shoulders like a long-carried secret, shifted in response to his question. Perhaps the unease that he felt from his neck to his toes was answer enough, though it settled into something thinner and warmer like hot spaghetti the moment Teddy’s image came into view. “Oh. Shit. I was beginning to think you were...” With Blake. “--asleep.” Rory finished, feeling a twinge of guilt in his stomach, despite how agreeable and easy this should feel by now. They were friends. This was fine. This was exactly what Rory had always wanted. So why did every time he saw Teddy feel like a fucking rugby ball to the stomach? “Did you happen to bring a lighter, old man? My zippo’s fucked.” Hands rubbing together for warmth --- although it wasn’t cold, he was simply full of a kind of static --- Rory pulled his legs up onto the grass verge a threw a stone out, watching it’s rough back skip over the surface of the lake. “I’ve just been sat here with this joint in my mouth like... like when you’re a kid and you finish a lollypop and pretend to be smoking the stick. Or was that like, an English thing? Anyway, it’s pretty soggy now. Kinda gross actually. But I’m not a butt-sucker, I promise. I just... couldn’t light it. You can still have some, if you want. But I’ll get it if it’s a hard pass because of saliva or whatever. Germ city.”      @teddylawrence

@russianbot69420: @fishbowlstew try wizard101

@russianbot69420: @fishbowlstew did u know neopets used to be owned by the church of scientology 😘

@fishbowlstew: @russianbot69420 drag neopets one more time i fucking dare u [elmo rise image]

@fishbowlstew: @russianbot69420 haha jst kidding..... i don't even know how to neopet!! i ws more of a toontown kind of guy.. fighting capitalism from a young age :-)

@fishbowlstew: @russianbot69420 also do u want to maybe hang out tonight?? cld get weird n play red dead redemption :))

@fishbowlstew: any1 got any good FREE MMORPG suggestions?? i DONT want to spend MONEY on an economy which benefits from prison labour!! i just want to have an anime avatar where i can run around committing crimes and talk 2 my online friends!! no $$ pls why is tht so hard???

@fishbowlstew: DO NOT say WoW i have used every email i can think of n maxed out to lvl 20 on every 1 n i REFUSE to pay :///// suck my communist Bobba

duckyfm​:

( @radopens​ )

It’d been twelve minutes since he’d been pulled off of the other - a brawl in the middle of the living room, party still going on around them despite the flying punches and spilling drinks - and Ducky’d still been sat inside the bathroom, first aid supplies from the medicine cabinet mostly ransacked, now - wet cloth ( they’d run out of ice in the kitchen ) applied sheepishly, uselessly, to the black eye that’d already been there when the fight had begun. Not so old, but not so new either. He stood when the bathroom door opened - knocking over the roll of bandages he’d used to clumsily ( messily ) wrap his knuckles, clambering up sheepishly, almost, “Ah - fucking, sorry. I - uh - forgot to lock the fucking … door, I guess. Lucky I wasn’t fucking, uh - pissing. Would’ve been … unfortunate. For both of us - I think. Uh - you need to piss? I can - I can uh, go. Sorry.”

Sometimes, Rory only bothered to attend the campus parties so he’d be clued up when the gas hit Twitter. There was nothing worse than seeing a tweet that like, every single one of his friends had liked, and not being in on the joke. Well maybe fascism, famine, the fact that African-Americans made up 40% of the United States prison population due to racially biased cops, mass-unemployment and dictatorship under late-stage capitalism. But in the context of a safety net on Twitter, nestled between his white privilege and the harrowing critique of supposedly woke teenagers who paint on their e-girl freckles, there was basically nothing more embarrassing. Three drinks in, he’d once again found himself asking why he’d even showed and seeking refuge in the silence of the bathroom when he stumbled into Ducky, an immediate feeling of both invading his privacy but somehow wanting to lock the door and secrete them both within this void space where nothing else existed. Kinda fucked up. “Uh... What, no I just---” Grappling for an explanation with little success, he felt like one of those arcarde machines that’d dupe you into thinking you’d won a plush Yogi bear toy before dropping it back into the abyss. And that in itself was a massive fucking metaphor for the American dream or some shit. You always thought you were on the edge of reaching it then bam. ACAB or whatever. “Nah, man... It’s cool, I just came to get some space from it all actually?” A hand raking through his hair, he tried to render his expression into something less Anxious Cockapoo. “Uh--- do you mind if I lock this? I was gonna’ do a line. You’re welcome to some if that’s your thing but like... Cool if not. No judgement here.”

@freyanils: @fishbowlstew WEEKS. scribbles something down furiously 📝 we will b speaking soon. bt also? if u wna sext we can ❤️ i'm generous ❤️

@freyanils: @fishbowlstew nice try. but i take secret photos of u whenever we're together. sometimes when we're not.

DM @freyanils: disgusting behavior.

DM @freyanils: omg? u wanna? fuck ducky? :/

DM @freyanils: i'll b honest rory. none of that means anything to me. and the sound of a milky bar sounds vile but i'm glad we have come 2 the agreement that my first purchase will have a 100% off discount....💖 no worries tho, i'll b giving u free services in return. business, am i right?

@fishbowlstew: @freyanils hm i dnt think im gd at the whole sexting thing. once i tried to have a phone date with this girl i met at splatterhouse n i used my vocoder pedal so the call cldn't be traced bk 2 me if the line was bugged n she threatened to call the police :/

@fishbowlstew: @freyanils creepy.... but in a fun and cute way. is this a john green novel where sad depressed boy makes fun quirky witty gal his new Reason For Being Alive?

DM @fishbowlstew: no i dnt wanna fuck ducky!! barely know the guy. its just interesting?? tht ur ?? sleeping with him i guess

DM @fishbowlstew: i mean ur my friend. n like, i take an active interest in ur life and whats going on in it etc

DM @fishbowlstew: wait did ur school never make u study charles dickens a christmas carol?? it was like... required reading over our side of the pond.

DM @fishbowlstew: nd thts very cheeky considering i dont actually need ur 'services' or whatever illicit operation u and jameson are running, but.... maybe i'll let it slide.

For @babyfionn

marlacrane‌:

marla had donned every piece of camouflage print in her wardrobe, which amounted to one pair of cargo pants unless you also counted her shoes, which had once shone a bright crest 3D white but were now the colour of dirt and broken dreams. her bare arms were mosquito bitten in spite of the hoodie now tied around her waist, which she was on the verge of forgetting in a tree. it was fucking with her aerodynamics. there was noise in the distance; she shut off her flashlight a moment too late and found herself face to face with… “uh, okay? so, what? one of us causes a diversion, the other makes a run for it?” she shifted in place. “or are we jumping the fence as a collective? ‘cause there’s, like, a door. like, right over there.” she pointed to the door, several feet away, then took on a pensive air. “we could, like, lock it behind us somehow. ‘cause, you know. fuck them.“ 'them,’ a word which here meant 'the other team.’

           rory slowed to a stop, sneakers skidding over pebbles and sending him onto his knees. despite enjoying the thrill of a run, his body certainly wasn’t used to it. the most exercise he got was either head-banging in a dingy basement gig or in his left hand shredding the bass guitar.  struggling to make out the face attached to the voice, rory shuffled to his feet. “shit... is that you, marla singer? you look like... fuckin’... carole baskin or some shit.” he noted, nodding at the camouflage armour, his voice hitching above a whisper and sending him scooting over behind the building. after a moment of silence to judge that no --- he’s not being followed, he’s simply paranoid --- he returns his glance to marla, her features eerie in the half glow emitted by his cell  phone. “oh... no, she’s leopard print, right? i’ve not actually, y’know, watched it. i’ve just seen the twitter memes.” for a moment, he was left simply standing half clueless before he followed her indication towards doorway. now he felt fucking foolish. “shit. you’re right. although that definitely wasn’t there like... five seconds ago.” pausing, he tucked his phone back into the pocket of his combats and began to scoot closer. “are you a witch? think you could probably... i don’t know, convince me that you were. a cool one, though --- not like... not an ugly disney villain one, i meant---” if he fetched a shovel now, he could be done digging his own grave by the time the sun rose. cheeks flushed, rory attempted to steer the subject onto more pressing concerns as he kicked a pebble and strolled up to the doorway in question. “uh... i don’t have like, a swiss army knife or any of that pocket tool shit. do you have a hair pin we could use to like, fuck the lock up? or, i don’t know... a sewing kit. haha.”

@freyanils: @fishbowlstew omg sorry...FBI agent rory is innocent here. i'm the one talking ab dicks. specifically his dick :pensive:

@freyanils: @fishbowlstew smart! i'll use pics of u 4 my linkedin profile

DM @freyanils: that's so noble of u. altho i'm not sucking dick for weed...:/ i promise

@freyanils: @fishbowlstew no? i lied? i would absolutely like my rory avatar w their dick out

@freyanils: @fishbowlstew i'll subscribe ❤️ n make it double. i've got a friend's birthday coming up

@freyanils: @fishblowstew haha. i lied rory i rly lied. it's not a date. it's a dick appt for weed 😔 bt i'm a lil concerned ab this history of catfishing? hw do i know ur not catfishing me rn?

@freyanils: @fishblowstew b honest am i actually talking to anthony hopkins 😍

@fishbowlstew: @freyanils haha that's cool. anyways im gonna have to stop u there because i don't want an x rated convo to tarnish the FBI agent in my computer's impression of me

@fishbowlstew: @freyanils n also i'm pretty sure havin my avatar as the lil cartoon egg u get when u join twitter isn't catfishing....... im vegan lol. but i did used to use pics of this random guy i found on myspace for my linked in profile. u can never be too careful

DM @fishbowlstew: u kno u could get weed from me for prob a better price n i wouldnt make u fuck me after :/ not tryna pinch their clientele just letting u know u have ~options~

DM @fishbowlstew: not that im trying to be a pariah of feminism or whatever. just looking out for u boo!!!