rollupjay - Tumblr blog

rollupjay · 6 years

Text

It’s fucked up to hold someone’s past against them, especially if they’re doing their best to change. You don’t know how much they could hate that part of themselves.

33 notes · View notes

rollupjay · 6 years

Photo

lesbian jesus

6K notes · View notes

rollupjay · 6 years

Text

Last Goodbye

Anyone who knows this story knows that when a long update is posted the news is rarely good. I am anything if not consistent. So for those of you kind souls who have championed us, and through our story, championed your own, I ask you, for the last time… hold on to yourselves.

After 11 years, Cori and I have decided that we are better, and stronger as friends. There is no blame. No fault. We did incredible things as a couple. We will do incredible things on our own. We will continue to cheer each other on from the sidelines.

Cori and I were babies when we met, broken and struggling in a very hard world. We recognized each other’s bruises and scars immediately, and even more immediately, began to lick each other’s wounds. It truly was “Us” against the world and that is how I will always remember those first years. We met. Set roots. Took hold of each other. This is what allowed us to weather the storms that followed, of which you’re all too familiar.

During the storm of “Cori and Kacy”, her air was my air and vice versa. Her story and mine were the same, and had that been the only gale our story may have remained. But it was not.

She lost someone in her foundation. I lost someone in my foundation. In order to stay standing, we had to find our own footing. Once we did, we noticed that we could weather storms on our own. She found her own laughs and joy in wonderful new friends and a new career. I rediscovered my old self, and started to unpeel my layers to reveal the athlete beneath.

When you’re standing on the outside of something looking in, you have new perspective. She used to say my face was a vacation. Then one day I noticed that I wasn’t that anymore. I was a reminder of the worst days, through sheer virtue of being there to witness them, but nonetheless, a reminder. People grow. Some together. Us, apart.

Yet I digress, as there is no more simple reason for this update other than to say this: We don’t owe anyone an explanation, but it felt irresponsible to pretend as if Cori and I weren’t used as pins to some of your hopes as proof that love does exist and that it’s real.

Despite this news, I can tell you whole-heartedly, that if love didn’t exist, I wouldn’t be writing this. If we hadn’t loved each other for 11 years, we wouldn’t have been able to let each other go when we knew it was causing the other pain.

When you promise to love someone forever, it doesn’t mean you get to keep her. It means you know they are free and in the world and that knowledge fills you with joy. Rings are symbols of her existence – a circle of life. You wear it because you have chosen to be a witness to that life. That’s all.

It’s not a cuff. It’s not ownership. It’s proof.

I think you all loved and championed us because, no matter what we faced, we faced it together with grace. We are anything if not consistent. We have separated as quickly as we joined. Life is easy to untangle when your foundation is intact. We’ve done so gracefully, respectfully, as you should do for those you love.

I hope you continue to follow both of us separately, to see what life looks like when you’re brave enough to say the words “I want more” out loud. If I’ve learned two things in my time on earth it’s this: life is short and hurting those you love because you’re afraid of being alone is the greatest sin you can commit.

It’s been an honor to represent one half of this “Us”. It was a great story. 11 years is a long time and my god did we live a lifetime of life in those years. We’re ready for a new song.

For our final bow, I‘d like to leave you with what I feel is the very best ending. I find it defines love. Real love. Not the kind in movies or on TV. It’s the kind that you see in the world if you’re brave enough to feel.

On Instagram, you will see the lasting image of “Cori and Kacy”. After 11 years of pictures, we both chose this one to represent our last goodbye. One where two girls look to the future, eyes fixed forward, and smiling. This is how you end something.

Thank you for your love and support. We wouldn’t be here without it.

Sincerely,

Kacy. Cori.

187 notes · View notes

rollupjay · 6 years

Photo

267K notes · View notes

rollupjay · 6 years

Photo

89K notes · View notes

rollupjay · 6 years

Text

walking thru the streets late at night would be so Good and calming if I wasn’t scared of every man and car I see after 8pm

570K notes · View notes

rollupjay · 6 years

Text

date idea: take me to a cemetery so we can go row by row in the oldest sections and whisper kind words to the graves who haven’t gotten visitors for decades

45K notes · View notes

rollupjay · 6 years

Photo