Teeth are bullshit. What do you mean you’re decaying. Get a fucking grip. You’re a bone now act like it. You don’t see my finger bones decaying from jerking it too much now do you
75K notes
·
View notes
34K notes
·
View notes
hey boss i can't come in today it's a sunny day and there's a lovely breeze coming in through my window, yeah it's rustling the branches of the tree outside that's finally bloomed so it's pretty serious
78K notes
·
View notes
the idealized version of my tomorrow self will fix this
98K notes
·
View notes
sometimes im like "wow holy shit im being really fucking annoying. i should stop talking" and then i pull out my magic 8 ball and it says "youve always been annoying and your friends chose to talk you anyways. youll be fine" and im like wow thanks magic 8 ball. and then the ogre attacks me
72K notes
·
View notes
Please help the family of a non-verbal autistic child (who has been losing weight because he only eats certain kinds of food, largely unavailable during this time) leave Gaza!
59K notes
·
View notes
you should be able to say "line" if you don't know what to say in a social situation
35K notes
·
View notes
My three girlfriends.
And yes, they smoke weed.
332K notes
·
View notes
15K notes
·
View notes
135K notes
·
View notes
ive gotten so much mileage out of this tweet. every time i see something on the internet that makes me mad i just think to myself "people in real life: hey man how's it going" and i keep it pushing
86K notes
·
View notes
citationless behavior
32K notes
·
View notes
Immaru, as Eris points a spray bottle at him: I ain't scared of you, mooncrust. This little thing here ain't nothin' more than an empty threat. You ain't got the guts to use it, so go on, prove your worth, I don't believe for a sec-
Eris: (spritzes him right in the face)
Immaru, immediately recoiling: ECK-
202 notes
·
View notes
do not understand people who get bored of seeing common animals. understand even less when they act with annoyance or hostility just because they're common animals. a deer or a sparrow or a field mouse is like a sunset to me
13K notes
·
View notes
god I fucking love strawberries
33K notes
·
View notes
88K notes
·
View notes