rhoewrites - Tumblr blog

rhoewrites · 4 years

Text

a thought everyday since you left.

legends: DAY N - grieving/moving on DAY N - getting better/trying to be better DAY N - moved on and/or healing

DAY 1

You told me you’ll never be like them, but you turned out to be just like everybody else.

DAY 2

Did you let me go because you didn’t love me enough to stay?

DAY 3

I’d give anything to have you back and for you to love me like how you used to.

DAY 4

Are you coming back? Do I wait for you?

DAY 5

Too many thoughts and questions that I can’t put into words.

DAY 6

Do you cry yourself to sleep too?

DAY 7

I loved every single inch of your body and soul yet you still left.

DAY 8

Barely holding on to life because the one thing I’m looking forward to left.

DAY 9

What do I have to do to be enough for you?

DAY 10

Realized that the next time I see you, you aren’t mine anymore.

DAY 11

Why do you act like you still care about me in that way when you’re the one who left?

DAY 12

You told me you’ll always pick me, every hour, every minute, and every second of every day, I was never informed it had a deadline.

DAY 13

I’ll miss the feeling of your lips in mine, with nothing in mind but love.

DAY 14

I miss you.

DAY 15

Your world only lost its colors, mine lost everything.

DAY 16

I hope you’re doing fine, but I also hope you’re as miserable as me.

DAY 17

I wonder if you still love me. Maybe not.

DAY 18

I’m tired of being sad but what can I do about it?

DAY 19

Sulking and sulking, while you’re getting better. Sucks to be me.

DAY 20

Everything hurts at this point and I really can’t do anything about it.

DAY 21

Please come back, I can’t take this anymore. Love me again, just like before.

DAY 23

I need distractions, I need you out of my head.

DAY 24

I keep dreaming of you and it sucks. You already left, can you leave my head and heart too?

DAY 25

I wrote a song about you, a song you’ll never hear, of course.

DAY 26

Am I even making progress?

DAY 27

I miss the way you look at me, full of love, full of admiration, will you ever look at me the same way?

DAY 28

I love you more than anything, that will never change.

DAY 29

I miss your random I love you’s, I really took them for granted, huh?

DAY 30

I need to be better, I need to move on too, like you already did.

DAY 31

I made a move, I gave myself the biggest distraction I could give myself, I hope it works out.

DAY 32

It’s been a month, huh? I wonder if you already moved on.

DAY 33

I don’t honestly if I’ll be able to move on, maybe soon enough, I will, but I think my love will continue even without you here now

DAY 34

You told me things you hate about me, you said you hate me. Even if you said it’s just the slightest, it really hurt me.

DAY 35

You’re really good at hurting me, maybe you can add it as a professional skill of yours.

DAY 36

I wish I could turn back time and make myself less of a bother back then, or maybe turn back to the time of not meeting you at all.

DAY 37

It hurts so much, listening to Harry Styles reminds me of you and I hate it. You made the most beautiful of songs sound painful.

DAY 38

I hope you’re finally happy.

DAY 39

The moment I think I’m doing okay after some time of sulking you HAVE to show up again and make me lose my progress. AGAIN. Why won’t you let me recover?

DAY 40

You are confusing, do you care or you just don’t want to see me happy?

DAY 41

I hate that I can hate you in the morning but still love you wholeheartedly at the end of the day.

DAY 42

You’re just a friend now. You’re just a friend now. You’re just a friend now. Repeat until true.

DAY 43

We could’ve been 8 months now, but we didn’t make it.

DAY 44

I hope I can just quickly forget you like how fast you dropped me.

DAY 45

I hate that I’m still not over you, and you’re even pushing me to others now just clearly shows you’re over me.

DAY 46

I wonder how you’re doing, your mind, your heart, your emotions, are they okay? Are you okay?

DAY 47

It’s been so hard today. When will this pain stop?

DAY 48

Every day’s the same. It’s so tiring, I don’t want to feel like this anymore.

DAY 49

Heard you’re already talking and getting attached to someone new, fuck you and fuck her. It’s so unfair.

DAY 50

I blocked you, please let me heal. Enough with the pain, I have to heal, I have to grow, I have to be okay. For my sake.

DAY 51

I’m trying to be better, trying to be more involved in creating stuff or writing, this works.

DAY 52

I was doing fine in the morning but it really hits hard at 4 am, I miss you, so bad. If only you knew.

DAY 53

Feeling a little better today, but I can’t deny that I miss you, and I know you don’t and it sucks.

DAY 54

You went private. I can’t stalk you anymore, maybe it really begins now.

DAY 55

I’m the biggest clown I know, I can’t believe I still love you after all.

DAY 56

Did you forget that I was even alive? Did you forget, everything we’ve ever had? Did you forget about me?

DAY 57

Sometimes I’m feeling better, sometimes I don’t, but it’s okay. It’s a progress, my progress. I’ll be fine too, one day.

DAY 58

I deleted most of our pictures on IG, you know how hard it is for a memory hoarder like me but I need to stop romanticizing the pain, I need to let you go.

DAY 59

I burned the roses, along with some of the love I still have with you. You already let me go, and I should too.

DAY 60

I tried to look back on our chats post break up, we did talk a lot, maybe that’s why it’s hard now, it’s just about to sink in real deep.

DAY 61

I feel a little bit better today, I hope it continues.

DAY 62

There are really some days that I just break down, this is one of those days.

DAY 63

I don’t feel the need of stalking you and her anymore, and honestly it feels great.

DAY 64

There are sad moments, but it doesn’t take a whole day for me now, and I think that’s progress.

DAY 65

I’ve deleted the videos on YouTube, it was a lot. I left 6 of them, for the sake of memories. For the sake of remembering the good times when I finally heal.

DAY 66

I keep burning pictures when I’m reminded of you, and let me tell you, shits therapeutic.

DAY 67

I’m proud to say that I’m doing better, I’m happy I’m learning to let go.

DAY 68

I love you and I miss you, but I also do not want you back.

DAY 69

I’m outgrowing you, and honestly it feels good. I’m not mad at you anymore, you’re just a beautiful part of my history, my memory.

DAY 70

I tried adding and following you again, but it seems like you ignored me, I don’t really mind if you really want me out of your life now.

DAY 71

You appeared in my dreams though, like everything’s back to before, but I also know it will be just a dream.

DAY 72

Thursday, 11 days before I become an adult. It sure feels good to be better every day, without anybody’s help.

DAY 73

Letting go is hard, but once you’ve started it, it just gets better and better from there.

DAY 74

You still pop up in my mind before I drift to sleep and the moment I wake up, but looking back, I don’t feel as heavy as before.

DAY 75

You can really do something if you really set your mind to it, and telling myself to actually let go of you is hard, but it sure feels great.

DAY 76

Realizations hit you hard when you’re no longer in love, all the bad things I’ve done, all the bad things you’ve done, I guess we were really on the same page.

DAY 77

Something is still bothering me, I have to do something, I think that will really help me drop you off and get on with my own life.

DAY 78

I apologized to you, no hidden messages, no reading between the lines. Full transparency. I’ve kept my promise to be honest and true up to that last letter.

DAY 79

So that’s what’s keeping me in the pit, that’s what is pulling me down; my guilt. Now that I have apologized, I feel free. A prisoner in her own cell found the key and freed herself.

DAY 80

From a thought about you every day to listing out my progress, I think that’s growth.

DAY 81

Loving you was amazing, I’d tell you that, but loving me is marvelous.

DAY 82

I’ve never been this happy for a long time. It feels unbelievable. I thought I can never be happy without you but I forgot there’s a lot of people who love me, having myself and them is more than enough.

DAY 83

Less of those down days, I’m completely getting better, and I just love it.

DAY 84

I miss you, but not the person I once loved romantically, but the best friend that I had.

DAY 85

I missed being young, I miss not giving a fuck about anything because I’m just a kid, nobody can ever make me feel that way but One Direction.

DAY 86

I had flashbacks today. Folklore is just THAT album. It reminded me of you, of myself, in so many ways I can’t describe. I think I’m going to have a relapse.

DAY 87

I can’t stop listening to Folklore even if it hurts, but at the same time it’s also nostalgic to listen to. She fully described the emotions and thoughts of the person I was on day one.

DAY 88

You cross my mind sometimes, but it doesn’t hurt anymore.

DAY 89

Friendship breakups are hard, but if I got over you for leaving me, I’ll move on for losing my best friend too.

DAY 90

It feels surreal sometimes that I went through a lot for the past 90 days, but I’m really glad that I did. It just proves nothing really lasts forever, even your pain and sufferings.

DAY 91

I miss my old enthusiastic self, but I’ll get her back. I’ll find her again.

DAY 92

Did a list of to dos and don’ts, I’ll live up to it.

DAY 93

I’m loving myself, a little by little, every day.

DAY 94

Just realizing the things I wish I realized sooner, and maybe I could’ve saved both me and you some time.

DAY 95

Surprisingly, I’m content with being alone now.

DAY 96

You are still important to me, I’m not gonna lie, but I don’t love you that way anymore. You’re just a dear friend to me and a beautiful part of my past that I’ll surely never forget. Remembering you doesn’t bring me pain anymore.

DAY 97

Hearing news of you being not who you used to be, changing into a bad version of yourself. I know before I also bad mouthed you publicly, but that was because I was hurt, now that you’re doing it, is it because you’re in pain right now?

DAY 98

I can get mad at you for acting the way you are right now but I can never hate you.

DAY 99

I’d fall in love over and over again to the version of you that I first met, but you’re a completely different person now, that’s not you anymore. I don’t love you anymore.

DAY 100

Hey, I made it. Just months ago I thought I wouldn’t but here I am, standing strong today.

DAY 101

I can’t deal with the news I keep hearing about you, I really want to help you but I can’t do that now, since I’m not a part of your life anymore. I’ll leave the job to experience, I guess.

DAY 102

I’m going to finally cut you off too, I hope you’ll realize things and grow out of your bad habits like I did. If this life would be kind and reconnect us some time in the future, that would be great, too. I hope you really find that inner peace now.

DAY 103

I blocked you everywhere. I don’t want to associate myself with you anymore, maybe not right now. See you when I see you, I guess.

DAY 104

You cross my mind every once in a while but I think that’s normal, because I once loved you more than anything and anyone else, and I never lied when I said you’ll always have a special place in my heart, and even I say I don’t, a part of me will still care about you. I hope you completely heal soon, I hope we both will.

DAY 105

Thank you for everything, for the smiles, the joyful days, even for the tears and the sorrowful days. Thank you for being a part of my growth.

I’ve learned that someone could be the whole song for you but you're just a line on a song for them.

I’m ending it all here.

0 notes