“May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you’re wonderful, and don’t forget to make some art – write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.”

— Neil Gaiman (via quotemadness)

I think I need a place that’s mine I need a home that’s not just a house and I’ve had that but now that I’m older it’s like I wanna go out and have fun but I value my home more and my people. I think that at my absolute core I know I need to move to the city I feel in love with fifteen and all my weird feelings/anger have been because I know that and I’m just not ready to make that jump. On one hand it seems like the simplest thing in the world and on the other id have to give up an entire world. Despite that world sucking sometimes it feels like too much to give up rn but giving up the idea of moving is too much too and it’s all just a lot. But despite the overwhelming and shifty night sitting on the balcony and thinking about the vastness of my life and the choices to come and breathing air that doesn’t feel sofcating is what I needed. I was supposed to sit in this chair in this moment and breathe

“Your entire universe is in your mind and nowhere else. To expand the universe, expand your mind.”

— Deepak Chopra

“All great art comes from a sense of outrage.”

— Glenn Close (via quotemadness)

“Before you can change the world, you must realize you are part of it.”

— Bernardo Bertolucci

This year I’m going to get wiser, hotter, kinder, healthier, stronger, richer but most of all lovelier

How do I explain that my life has not become my life anymore but it also is my life.. i don’t know I think this Ials what happy feels like. Like normal people happy feels like. And it fells strange and off but I think I’m happy.. and it feels good.

I feel normal?

Sunday January 19 (in technaitles). Today I am navy blue. I am the color of the team we both love. I am regret for lastnight without you. I am navy like the sheets on I slept I. The past but despite your small bed I like yours more. I’m navy like your pants tonight. I’m navy like that comfort of something you know so well. I’m navy like that softness of you picking me up and you telling me all your friends like me. But I’m also navy like that dull blue that is incomplete. I’m navy like the way I don’t know if this will work and it’s Terrible cause I wish it could. And I’m navy like the euphoria of sitting on a rooftop and watching the world go by. I am navy and it may not make sense but I’m some weird sense of happy and it doesn’t need to be defined. I am not a blue that needs a name. I am navy and for today I love that.

I dont know what’s gonna happen and I’m okay with that because I’m happy now

I am going to stop worrying and let myself be optimistic for a possibility with you but I keep pushing myself to decide I like or or see if you like me and I can’t. That’s not how it works. Here’s what we know: I think you’re very cool and I want to see you again. You said you want to see me again. I can believe it and keeping living and have a brilliant day. Or I can obsess over if it’s true and drive myself mad. I am going to trust it until there’s a reason I shouldn’t. I am going to be optimistic but I am not going to kill myself over every little detail in that optimism. So I hope you have a brilliant week and I hope I see you sometime in it. And I am going to have one as well.

Mickey fucking rivers. I am going to let this pan out how it will and I refuse to be the girl I’ve been where I run at something so goddamn fast my feet give out.

in one universe

My friend invited a boy over tonight and I got these flash backs of you, with everything that’s happened and I just love myself for growing so damn much. It hurts my bones, in the best god damn way possible, knowing how much I’ve grown. And I got an urge to text you but I don’t even know what I’d say. I guess I’d say despite everything, anything, I hope you’re happy. And I’ve been thinking lately how I want my trait to be when someone thinks of me.. I want it to be compassionate. But all this love I’ve given to men... to you it’s nothing but that. And I want to manifest that into my friendships. Because I am so lucky to have the humans I do in my life, it hurts my soul thinking that I got this lucky cause I am so beautifully loved. And I deserve that too. After everything I hope you find a love like that.

I want to tell you I’m happy and I’m happy you’re happy but it feels drawn out and sad

in one universe

I think next thursday is gonna be the best day of my entire life tbh

I’m utterly terrified that I keep trying to not like you and I keep doing it and every time you text me my heart skips and then anything stressful just disapates. It’s dichotomous, the idea of you puts me on edge but your presence is the most calming thing in the word. And I keep holding on cause I know in my bones that this is good and we’re it and if given the chance we could be brilliant. But my bones have Been wrong before and I want to trust myself. And it is once again dichotomous because I could fold into you in a second but I am also so utterly scared of doing so, and yet I want to with every bone, with every fiber, with every inch of my being. And I guess I am just praying to the universe that I get the chance to see it through. We get the chance to see what this could really be.

I want to be brilliant with you.

The day before I met you I saw you coming, I had this feeling this deep inherent feeling you were about to walk into my life. And everything about this past year hasn’t been necessarily predictable but I could feel the things. With him and how I know what days I’m going to see him; even with you and our patterns of talking. And I think what scares me is I don’t know what’s coming anymore. I’m in a void with you and I think what’s scarier is the things I do sense, aren’t the outcome I want. So I don’t want to believe them I would rather be in this void. But I just wish for a second I could crawl in that brain of yours and meet the guy living in there and feel for a brief moment in time anything you do and just maybe I could see what’s coming with us again.