by far the best part of grocery shopping is the little babies. i was carefully selecting mushrooms when i felt upon me a piercing gaze and looked up to see a very chubby and very red-cheeked baby staring intently at me from a grocery cart with a slightly furrowed brow, hand clutching an apple for dear life. i wiggled a mushroom at her and she gasped and kept staring. i turned back to the mushrooms and heard a shriek. i turned around and the baby stared in anticipation. i wiggled another mushroom and she shrieked again in delight. she looked down at the apple in her hand, considering it for a moment. fair-minded as she was, she decided it would only be right to wiggle produce at me in return, and she held up the apple and shook it with all her might. i think i could live forever now

snek cooking

reblog to give the person you reblogged it from a good night’s sleep (maybe)(please)(I’m begging the universe)

YOOOOOO

and this is why baseball is the best sport (see also: these baseball sidequests)

some of you are dangerously susceptible to men hating terf ideology

When I’m scrolling through a blog and see they reblogged one of my posts

a part of adult life you never really realize as a child is the constant need for bowls in so many different sizes. you're always doing something and going "man i wish i had the right size bowl for this" no matter how many bowl sizes you have

last night my partner held a somber little passover seder to show me what it’s about and when they got to the part where they were supposed to open the door for elijah they paused, frowned, and said “oh. huh. there is a clown.” and I looked out. and sure enough. there was a clown.

The ace attorney experience is being like "if I press here phoenix will undoubtedly say what I've been thinking and the trial will keep going smoothly" and then phoenix says the dumbest thing you've ever heard

When I was a kid one of my moms would call her period "moon time" or "her monthlies" or shit like that and my other mom straight up stealthed it, but when I'm a dad I think I'm gonna go straight down the middle and call it Werewolf Week. Like sorry kids, dad can't roughouse right now, it's Werewolf Week

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