I love those "asking cosplayers at a con what their day job is" videos because it's always like

*muffled voice issuing from a huge suit of armor* im a cybersecurity specialist

Things that work in fiction but not real life

torture getting reliable information out of people

knocking someone out to harmlessly incapacitate them for like an hour

jumping into water from staggering heights and surviving the fall completely intact

calling the police to deescalate a situation

rafting your way off a desert island

correctly profiling total strangers based on vibes

effectively operating every computer by typing and nothing else

ripping an IV out of your arm without consequences

heterosexual cowboy

i’m obsessed with the mum from ponyo. driving single lane on a cliff edge? drift those turns in your nissan cube. husband has to work an extra shift? tell him to fuck off in morse code. pet fish turned into a child on your driveway? adopt her. town drowned in a tsunami? leave your 5 year old in charge, he’s the man of the house now

People characterise Ghastly as 'the sensible one', and yes, he is sensible generally, but I also think it's worth bearing in mind that sometimes, he only seems sensible because he's standing next to Skulduggery Pleasant. It's comparative.

This is the guy who is best friends with Skulduggery who is, you know, Skulduggery. This is the man who fell in love with Tanith Low.

This is the man who, during the middle of a centuries-long war, as a member of an elite squad, went missing for weeks (his friends thought he might be dead) and what was he doing? He was in a cabin with a French woman. Ghastly Bespoke was in the middle of a war, and decided to peace out to have a weeks-long hookup. If he'd had a phone, you know the notifications would have been turned off. Responsibilities, who? The man looked around at death and destruction and thought, you know what? There is a pretty woman with me and I will take some 'me time'. Love that for him.

one time i had a dream that tiktok users deemed “kid” as a slur and that you HAD to refer to them as minors otherwise you would get harassed and threatened with doxxing. you couldn’t say “when i was a kid” anymore for example you HAD to say “when i was a minor” instead

*pulls up to the fanfic drive-thru window* uh yeah, i’ll take a fake relationship with a side of mutual pining and thinking the other isn’t interested, thanks

Look at this goofy fucker pretending to be a writer. GET OUTTA HERE

HAAANK! THAT'S NOT ART BY THE OP HANK! OP REPOSTED IT WITHOUT CREDIT! HANK!