Guess I’m going for some sort of cross between beachy bohemian and dark academia in my living room. My curtains arrived, they’re gorgeous, and they go so much better with my vibe than those ugly orange with grey, white, and gold diamonds. Though they did give more of a dark academia vibe to the living room, the beachy orange to blue ombre ones are much more aesthetically pleasing. I already know my grandma is going to have something to say about them being sheer as though I don’t keep the curtains and blinds open the majority of the time anyway.

Thinking about staining the living room table red oak to match the entertainment center, and maybe even the plastic wood storage cube shelf. Definitely would like to stain the two small bookshelves on either side of the couch. Thinking I’ll leave the one lighter side table the way it is and probably move it to one of the kid’s rooms eventually. Of course none of this goes with the light grey wood color of the floor, but that isn’t really a huge deal and I’m debating between two rugs on Amazon for that. One is described as bohemian abstract sunburst, and is very vibrant and colorful. The other one is a blue and green pond with orange and white and gold koi fish. The koi fish one only comes in 7′ x 5′ which I guess doesn’t really mean anything considering it’s still bigger than the blue, grey, and white one I have under the coffee table now. Definitely leaning more towards the bohemian abstract sunburst for the living room though. I don’t mind the darker furniture, but I definitely need the room itself to have a lighter appearance. You would think the light blue walls and light grey floors would do well enough, but paint and floors are only a small portion when you start to add a bunch of darker colored furniture. I’m sure lightening the table and cube shelf should help though. The two bookshelves really should have been darker to begin with, and will look much better next to the dark blue couch with a red oak finish to match the entertainment center.

Trying to get a full length mirror with a gold frame for the space in my bedroom between my closet and dresser, and there’s a very pretty pink floral rug on Etsy I’m trying to get for my closet. I’m trying to go for a more girly vibe in the closet area, and make my room more dreamy meets light academia vibes. My grandma already got me to paint the walls in my room the same pink as in my adjoining bathroom. I would have been fine if we had just put a fresh coat of white on them, but I guess it looks better with her antique bedroom furniture set since it’s all an antique white and I wouldn’t want that on my walls.

It’ll all come together eventually, but I also don’t want to end up spending too much since I know I’ll have to get my own place not owned by my grandparents at some point. I should be able to have a good amount in my savings by this time next year as long as I don’t spend too much or get into anymore legal trouble. Still need to pay my lawyer, so I guess that’s where most of my next paycheck needs to go since I already put any excess money to build up interest in my savings account. I say this as I already have a six pack of black thigh highs in my cart. It’s getting hot out, so they’re really convenient when wearing shorts or dresses around the house, and I can only find one and a half of the two pairs I already had. Plus some in other colors and striped.

Ordered new curtains and led strips for the living room

My grandma originally got these(low key kind of ugly) orange curtains with gray and white diamonds or whatever on them. Should’ve just had her get the plain orange ones like in the kitchen. Anyway, I ordered orange to blue ombre ones with yellow in the middle(like a sunrise/set). Also ordered 130ft of led strip lights in a pack of two, and, based on my measurements, that should be enough to fit one around my living room and one around my bedroom. Since my birthday is in two weeks, went ahead and ordered myself a gift set of 4 candles and 5 bath bombs. I also just wanted some nice candle jars so I could use them to make my own once they’re gone, so it worked out. Especially since I ended up making my grandma buy me an espresso scented one at Home Goods yesterday lmao. Also bought myself a Weathered Spice scented one which, I swear, smells just like the Gothic Church oil incense I’ve been looking for, for years. It’s really a very intoxicating scent, and the brand of oil incense doesn’t even exist anymore, so I’m more than pleased to have found this. I was about to not get it, but then something in my brain clicked, I got angry, and I decided that no one else was going to get it for me, so I would get it for myself(and drop the cheaper one with my grandma’s stuff so she would have to get it for me with my honey pot lol). I definitely needed both of these scents in my life though, as well as more candles in general. 

It’s 7am

The sun is just rising above the tree line. Over caffeinating too early. Probably going to need a nap anyway after 5 hours of sleep despite the caffeine. Should work out and take a shower. Really need to vape a lot less than I currently am

Back to this blog again

I have to abandon my original blog. As well as Facebook, and any other type of social media where actually human interaction is made, or where there’s the possibility of knowing what’s going on in the world. It’s time to disconnect from this world.

Apparently my living room is about to be a lot of blue and gray. The floors are all being replaced with water resistance gray wood looking vinyl. I’ve already stated that my couch is a couple shades lighter than navy blue and that I’d like matching lamp shades. I also already mentioned that I was thinking about painting the living room and adjoining kitchen wall a light blue similar to the hydrangeas on my lamps. Now nana’s talking about painting the wood paneling on the rest of the walls because it won’t match the floors, so now I’m not sure. She’s very much a, “all of the walls in a room should be the same color if you’re going to paint them,” type of person. Since she owns the trailer, there’s only so much she’ll allow while she’s involved. I was thinking maybe it could have a kind of spacy vibe(maybe even a bit of a nautical spacy vibe?) since there are the gray floors with the different shades of blue. I already know nana’s going to find a way to incorporate some types of pink/coral. Maybe I could get some LED lights to make it look futuristic. I don’t know. I won’t be able to do any special details until I’m moved and settled in. Then, since I’ll only be paying for utilities and internet, I’ll have a little extra money to be able to get things like the beaded door curtains I want, LED lights, and themed items for my kid’s bed and bathroom.

I always end up drinking so I can stay up all night and go crazy by myself. Then I remember that I have the exact same energy when no one else is around anyway. I could literally sit here and enjoy the mild psychoses that comes from sleep deprivation alone and it would be almost exactly the same as me staying up all night to drink

The biggest problem with picking paint and colors is that nana isn’t a fan of bold colors. It’s all good though. I can go along with her on whatever she won’t compromise and make or buy art to fix it

Still waiting to move. Apparently the floors were on the verge of caving in, so no floors in the living room right now. Plus the floor in the very back room that was already missing.

Nana keeps trying to get excited about decorating, but I don’t really know what I want to do. I have a couch, a table, and two lamps that need shades for the living room. Most of the rooms have at least one wall that needs to be painted. I’d like to pick out a shower curtain before picking out a color for my bathroom. It would be easier to match a color to a shower curtain I like than matching a shower curtain I like to a color.

Probably just going to keep the walls in my room white for the time being. One less hassle, and I already need to find a quilt or comforter that goes well with my sheets. I really just needed new sheets and these were the nicest looking ones I could find at the store, so I could always get another set once I move and get settled. I’m not even sure exactly what type of style I’m going for though. I’d like something that looks both classy and cute. I don’t want a lot of unnecessary colors, but I enjoy a splash here and there. I’d also like to incorporate bohemian and traditional Japanese aspects as well. I don’t have a door for my closet or the bathroom in my room. I wanted to find a couple of the nice bamboo beaded curtains that make an image for them.

The kitchen is already a pale yellow, but I’d like to go over it with a brighter one. There’s one wall that conjoins to the living room. I’d like to have that one and the living room the same color, but I’m not sure which one. The couch is maybe a shade or two lighter than navy blue. The lamps are antiques from my great-grandmother with engraved pink and blue hydrangeas. I was thinking that shades similar to the color of the couch might look nice with those. Then nana’s talking about how we need side tables for them and how all of the rooms need new light fixtures. Considering that, I was thinking a light blue similar to the hydrangeas on the lamps would go well. Nana has ideas of peachy pink accents, but I think a bolder orange would look nice.

I’d like to turn the second bedroom into an office/workout/art type area, but I don’t want to get ahead of myself on that. It’ll most likely be used as storage for a while after we move, and I’ll probably be more prone to doing any of those things in the living room, my room, or on the porch anyway. Eventually it will most likely be turned into a boy’s room.

As far as the kid’s bed and bathroom are concerned. Initially, they’re all going to be in the back bedroom which is next to their bathroom. I’m really not sure what color to paint either. I was thinking Studio Ghibli would be easy enough to use as inspiration for gender neutral rooms that still look “pretty” without being overly girly.

Completely forgot I had made this secondary account on my secondary account

Just transferred a bunch of posts I accidently posted on the main account for this email to this one. Fortunately, tumblr allowed me to fix the date and time as well.

I really should use my secondary accounts more, but I’ve been able to go back to my main. Not to mention that I don’t get on much if I’m on my phone, and I don’t use my laptop as much as I’d like to right now. 

Actually, I just looked it up; I might merge this one and my decaffeinatedchaostraveler(the one this is a sub account of) to my main, and switch the name of the sub on that account to decaffeinatedchaostraveler.

Might switch the emails over too since I’ve had this one for a few years and it’s the main one I use. Honestly might figure out what I want to use to make a new email at some point this year. Who knows?

Oh, look. I’m back again. Not that anyone was here to miss me. I really have to start writing more. Hopefully I’ll be in a better and more stable situation to be able to write regularly after I move.

Everything is so dirty and cluttered here. It makes it hard to think. Even when I clean up someone comes along and makes a mess of everything again, and I don’t mean my children. There’s also been a roach problem here since before we moved in, and my children’s father’s choice of friends hasn’t done anything but make it worse. Though it does seem like there are less than there were. I never wanted to be back somewhere like this after I was a kid. Even if it isn’t anywhere near as bad.

When I move it’ll just be me and my youngest. The older two, I’m sure, will still be with me on the weekends. Unless their father actually decides to show some interest in actually seeing them. Though I’m sure he’ll just come over to my place to see them. It will be nice not to have to clean up behind him or deal with his shitty attitude towards me and the kids anytime he gets a wild hair up his ass. I am going to enjoy being by myself in a nicer, cleaner environment, but that’s not to say that I don’t enjoy being around him when he isn’t being a totally self-absorbed ass hat.

Really, this is what I’ve needed for a long time. I wish I could have lived alone before I had kids, but I guess that just isn’t how it was meant to happen. They’re young now, and I’m sure I’ll have plenty of time to myself when they’re older. It’ll just be nice not to have another adult who doesn’t know what they’re talking about half of the time trying to reign over my babies and me.

Sometimes I wish I had just kept to myself in terms of relationships as a whole, but I know I needed those experiences. I don’t have a single ex I didn’t learn something from.

For now I’m just waiting to move. I want to be more organized, but I know that isn’t a feasible option until after I move. I feel like there really isn’t much of anything I can do right now until I move. I can’t even do much as far as packing until the trailer is ready for me to move in

I want to be able to have a nice, clean house for my children, and to be able to have actually routines for both them and myself. I want house rules(that won’t be under minded) and regular times to eat, sleep, bathe, clean up etc.

I want to be able to cook and not have to clean everything that someone else used just to be able to use the sink. I want to be able to have nice dishes without having someone use them to feed whatever animals they’ve rescued only to neglect this week or use them as an ashtray.

I want somewhere to put my desk and actually be able to do work at it (that’s not to say I won’t go back to my bad habit of preferring to do work in my bed), or to have a clear space to do literally any form of exercise.

Set an actual alarm last night

since my body’s natural inclination is to sleep for 10 hours without one. I’m actually up 15 minutes before it’s set to go off. I guess sleeping close to 30 hours in the last three days must have done something decent for my body.

Now that I’m up in the 7-7½ hour range, I should probably keep setting an alarm each night to keep it that way. I actually have two different apps I’ve been using on and off for years to help with and track my sleep. The first is the Sleepytime app that I discovered sometime almost 10 years ago. It’s just a simple time calculator to help determine what time would be best to go to sleep/wake up to help wake up at a decent point within your sleep cycle and feel less groggy. The other one I’ve been using for 5+ years is the Sleep Cycle app. This one actually calculates the amount of time you spend asleep and creates a graph to show you around what times you were in different stages of sleep. It also has an alarm function to wake you up within a 15 minutes window of your alarm going off. It also gives little sleep tips sometimes. They give you more statistics if you pay for it, but I only have to free version.

Other than that, I need a better pillow to put in between my legs when I’m on my side. If I don’t sleep with the pillow in between my legs, I will twist my back in my sleep while I’m on my side(probably actually a cross between on my side and my stomach).

I had done research on chronotypes and found that I’m most likely a late-bear with dolphin tendencies, but outside of finding a nice pre-made routine to base mine off of it doesn’t really do anything to help with the life changes that affect my sleep schedule. The only thing I can hope to do right now is to start setting an alarm to make myself go to bed at a more decent time and set another alarm to ensure that I don’t oversleep and make myself feel more exhausted throughout the day.

And I’m back

Anyway, so the last load went all the way through. The previous load, it just shut off when the spin cycle went to start and didn’t even finish draining all of the water. This is an issue I’ve had with it since I got it, but has been much more frequent the last few months. I guess a cheap one we can hopefully get from a moving military family nearby is what I’m going to be getting for Christmas. I honestly just started looking up camp washers and laundry wringers and mangles to do it myself before nana told me to look for one on the Facebook marketplace.

Might have to take a more serious read at Laundry Love: Find Joy in a Common Chore by Patric Richardson with Karin B. Miller

My family was obsessed with it earlier this year. I borrowed the book from nana before she had my cousin(her niece) send me a copy in the mail. It seems like everyone else has kind of fallen off the bandwagon, but I’m more interested in doing things by hand and like my grandma(great-grandma; nana’s mom) use to. Which is why I’m really glad cottagecore is a thing now, because it’s really just all of the stuff my grandma use to do. Except now it’s more acceptable and my family can’t make fun of me for it as much.

I’m just appalled by how much a mangler/wringer is. I could easily get two used washing machines for the price of something you manually crank to get the water out of clothing.

Anyway, I guess I should try to get to sleep earlier than I have been. Even if it’s only 15-30 minutes. Night.

Just here to spout useless nonsense again

Probably getting a new(used) washer. Mine keeps shitting out on the spin cycle. Speaking of...I need to go switch that out real quick. BRB.

Guess this is mostly gonna be a brain dump for now

Pretty sure I fractured my thumb...never mind. Upon current research, it’s only sprained. It happened when I got in that fight almost 3 weeks ago, but it didn’t start bothering me until I went back to work. There are certain things, like folding and opening boxes, that I hadn’t realized used it like that. Now it’s bothering me in general. I guess I’ll see if I have enough money to get an elastic bandage to wrap it before work, but I’m not even sure I have enough for gas later this week. I shouldn’t have looked. I barely have enough to get a brace. Much less gas later this week before my SO gets paid. I suppose the gas situation(other than to improve my credit) is why I got a credit card in the first place, so that should be enough of a non-issue. Got to go get the kids ready to go to their grandma’s. Then to get the bandage, come back, and get ready for work. Bleh.

Yeah, so fuck the writing prompt

I guess it’s time to start actual traditions with my kids. My great aunt Hazel died earlier this year, so Christmas Eve probably won’t really be a thing. Christmas has already been less of an event since my great-grandparents and mom died in 2008. Christmas Eve would start with dinner being made at aunt Hazel’s. Everyone would open gifts from her and uncle Mike. After that, we would go up the street to my great-grandparent’s for coffee, dessert, and presents from them. They always had a giant tree and the entire main areas of the house tastefully decorated. Then it was time to go back to either my mom’s or nana’s. If I was lucky I might be allowed to open one thing that night, and we usually got new pajamas before bed.

Christmas day started at my mom’s with her staying up all night to build anything that needed to be.  assembled(particularly K’nex roller coasters that I suspect she enjoyed putting together more than my brother and I did). She would come wake us up to see what “Santa” got us. Then we would go to nana’s, open presents, eat pancakes and watch to Macy’s parade on TV. Everyone would get showed and dressed(most likely in new clothes we’d just gotten), and pile up to go to aunt Teresa and uncle Steve’s for lunch and one more gift exchange with them and our other great-grandparents. I’d get to hang out with my cousin for a bit, and papa would usually be grouchy and tired by the time we left lol I’d really like to be able to have a nice, clean house with a pretty tree and classy looking decorations. Have a small group of close friends to invite over for dinner, a small gift exchange, and coffee/tea and dessert. I wouldn’t mind taking up the Icelandic tradition of Jolabokaflod. New pajamas and a book to read before bed on Christmas Eve? Count me in.

The real question though, is how will all of this further change with most of my relatives aging and the fact that I’m a terrible friend who never regularly keeps up with any of the people I care about? I want to say maybe I should make cards or something, but I can’t hold myself accountable for all of that. The stress of getting some type of order to my house leave me paralyzed when it come to most everything else. I know that until I get it properly clean, I cannot think or physically do anything else. Isn’t that my constant problem though? So much stuff, and it isn’t even as if I don’t have actual use for all of it. This place is just too small for two adults(one of whom must have their own room for gaming) and three small children.

I’m hoping to save up for a house upon getting this better job though.

Still thinking about writing...

still unsure of what I’m doing with it. I know I at least need to learn about expository writing before I can try to go back to college. Especially now that I’ve ruined my financial aid and will have to pay out of pocket, but at least they can’t force me to take more than I can handle this way. It’s just the expository writing class that gets me every time. They give you enough work for that one class that you can practically forget about your job, your children, and any other classes you’re trying to take. At least one of those has to fall off in order to do all of the work for that one class, and it kills me every fucking time. I’m hoping if I read through this “Everyone’s an Author” book that they’ve been using since I first tried in 2012(and they were still using in 2020) that, that might at least give me some amount of an advantage. I’m hoping when I get this other job that I’ll be able to maintain a sleep schedule(I say as I’m, once again, on my laptop at 1am when I had originally intended to go to bed a hour ago). I really want to be productive and have a regular type of schedule, but I’m just working on getting my house some type of clean and organized. Don’t think I’m doing a tree this year. I had wanted to get a nice LED one, but this trailer is too much of a mess and just has too much of a roach problem for me to even attempt to fight them in a tree. I mean, it’s been a bit better and more manageable recently. I think the mothballs have worked a bit, so I might have to get some more of those. I know we’ve moved a lot of stuff around and cleaned up A LOT. One of the main problems is still the kitchen. I just switched my room back to the bigger one so that I can bring my cat from my nana’s house since my papa might be allergic to her. In doing that, I moved my portable closet thing(this trailer only has a linen closet in the hallway) into my room. That means that there’s probably at least a small amount of space in the area where it was next to the kitchen. If I get some more storage crates, that might be able to maximize a small amount of space to clear up the kitchen a little better. Anyway, I actually came here to possibly look at some writing prompts, but I had a lot of other stuff I needed to get out of my head first. I guess it’s time to see what happens next...

What do people even write about?

How do they even figure that out. All I can think is like shit, shit, shit, fuck, shit. I’m just trying to get my life together. You know? The same this I’ve been trying to do for the last 28 years. There are still far too many things for me to learn and unlearn, and I don’t even know where to start