jumping past elon's guards into his limo with him and saying "they call me the tesla model 3 the way I explode without warning" before pulling on the cord coming out of my jacket

ben franklin gates from national treasure is autistic, thank you and goodnight

god today i ID’d an old dude buyin booze and he pulled out a fake ID with an elvis pic, then laughed and pulled out a matching one but with curly from three stooges on it, and im like okay please and he finally pulled out his real license and his legal name was steve sinner

I love jaywalking with strangers. They can’t kill all of us!!!

asmr videos post workout is my favorite part of the human condition

but mike wasowski is autistic your honor

countries be like our covid cases are up again. my brother in christ you lifted the mask requirements

support group for niche blorbo appreciators

I don’t take hints. Throw a rock at me

the lawsuit of shane dawson sounds like the most satire thing ever it doesn’t even surprise me it’s from the actual channel

i’ve had 5 krispy kreme glazed doughnuts in the span of the past two days

as bad as cancel culture is, i do love it when someone’s whole career is slowly being dragged through the mud on tiktok, twitter, etc. it’s the closest modern day equivalent to an ex royal being locked up in the stockade and hoards of peasants banning together to throw rotting tomato’s and demand bloodshed

I know screenshotting braindead Twitter takes is low hanging fruit but just. lmao

BALL.

mandarin clementine tangerine whoever named the citrus family did an amazing job

How long do you have?

but what if *I* made the pizzas