rainofaugustsith
Rain of August
Introverted, sapphic, demisexual lady squees about fannish stuff and occasionally goes off on tangents about very vintage films or history. She/her. Over 21. This blog is trans/ace/ nonbinary/aro/bi/pan inclusive!! Occasional NSFW content. 18+ ADULTS ONLY, MINORS WILL BE BLOCKED. Thank you friend for the icon art.
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Consent Culture: What it is and isn’t
In some of the hypnokink discord spaces I’m in, I’ve noticed a worrying trend. People saying other folk can’t talk about a specific topic, or use certain words, etc, because they “didn’t consent to that.” It’s a weaponization of consent culture to force *purity* culture, often, and I’m really tired of seeing the culture I fought so hard to help establish be used to silence folk just trying to talk about things they enjoy!
So. Let’s all have a little chat about what consent culture is and means, what it isn’t, and what any given individual’s responsibilities are in a consent culture.
Being in a consent culture means not *doing things* to other people without their consent; touch, sharing information about them, in my community’s context hypnotizing them or using/attempting to use triggers on them… things like that. It also includes giving people space where they can feel comfortable disagreeing, saying ‘no’ to requests, and so on. Respecting other people’s boundaries, and not always demanding their time and energy. It involves making a good faith effort to respect not only the letter of the rules, but the *spirit* of the rules in a space, as well.
It is not, however, shutting down anything that causes anyone in the space discomfort. We’re all adults here, as this is a kink space. As adults, we SHOULD be able to handle a little discomfort. And if something is truly upsetting to you? You can ask something like “hey, can we change the topic,” of course, but if the others don’t want to? Or, if, say, you’re in a public play space and someone is doing a scene you don’t like? That’s when the rule of two feet comes in.
For those who are unfamiliar with the rule/law of two feet, it’s a concept taken from a meeting style called “open spaces” - and loosely what unconferences are based around.
A businessman named Harrison Owen, involved in spaces that promote this philosophy, sums it up thusly:
“Briefly stated, this law says that every individual has two feet, and must be prepared to use them. Responsibility for a successful outcome in any Open Space Event resides with exactly one person—each participant. Individuals can make a difference and must make a difference. If that is not true in a given situation, they, and they alone, must take responsibility to use their two feet, and move to a new place where they can make a difference.”
What does that mean in kink spaces? Well, it’s less about productivity/making a difference, and more about finding the right comfort level. Is a class covering topics that you don’t enjoy? Or is the demo a bit more graphic than you’d like to see? Step out (whether for a moment or the rest of the class) and get some air, going back in later if you want to see if they’ve moved to something you find more comfortable. People talking about a kink that you find squicky or that triggers negative emotions? Walk away for a bit, or stop reading the channel. On places like here, on tumblr, mute a tag/word. Let people enjoy the thing and rejoin them when the topic changes.
Because that’s your responsibility in a consent culture - advocating for your own comfort *in a way that lets people enjoy the things they enjoy.* Sometimes that means you miss out on time with people you like, yes. But it’s better than making people dislike you because you keep telling them that they can’t engage with something they enjoy!
Also? Because it bears calling out, though it’s a bit tangential here? Disgust is not and never will be a gauge of immorality or unethical behaviour. Plenty of people are disgusted by the concept of rape play - but that doesn’t mean that consenting adults engaging in rape play are acting unethically. Some things are both disgusting AND unethical, of course - actual rape, for example! - but if your main reason for saying something is immoral or unethical is “it makes me uncomfortable” or “I find it disgusting”? Probe harder and consider that your aversion may just be distaste, and it isn’t a moral judgement.
Bystander consent is a different topic for another day, mostly, but I do want to note - it tends to come into play when the Rule of 2 Feet doesn’t really work, such as in places of business where employees cannot walk away.
I also want to take a moment to discuss the distinction between consent and having boundaries.
Consent is about things being done to or by you; boundaries are about other people’s actions that are not directly involving you.
So “don’t pull my hair” is a consent line. “Don’t talk about X around me or I’ll stop interacting with you” is a boundary.
“Don’t talk about X around me” without a consequence is just a rule, and outside of power exchange dynamics where the ability to give rules is negotiated? Rules in relationships typically just breed resentment. But also, if you disagree with a boundary someone is trying to draw for you, and you’re willing to bear the consequences? That *is not* a consent violation. That isn’t what consent is for. Having said that, a violation is a violation - whether a violation of boundaries or of consent - and either can hurt just as much as the other.
And claiming otherwise? Is weaponizing consent culture to manipulate people, whether intentionally or not. And we all need to do better than that.
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In response to a guy mansplaining something, just say “Impressive. Every word in that sentence was wrong.”
1) It only gets better the longer he spoke
2) Luke Skywalker would be proud
3) He’ll immediately fly to bafflement and telling you why YOU’RE wrong and HE’S right
4) Mark Hamill would be proud
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this is purely for fun and I've certainly been guilty of a few of these things myself in my years of fic writing. don't be weird in the notes and don't use this as an excuse to insult someone's writing.
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#please tell me this is satire#because if they are serious about this ---#maybe they need to chill out a little#you know Tetris is good for relaxing and destressing#just saying
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nearly all libraries have a ghost, but medical libraries frequently have a ghost and a skeleton
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Every single piece of anon hate comes from someone who is a cat mad you locked them out of the bathroom except they're not even YOUR cat and are in fact just a weird guy who wandered into your house and is frothing at the mouth over the fact that not only did you lock your bathroom door; you also did not offer them their specific favorite drink when they wandered into your house uninvited. The day you realize this is the day you will know internet enlightenment.
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"Don't use Libby because it costs libraries too much, pirate instead" is such a weird, anti-patron, anti-author take that somehow manages to also be anti-library, in my professional librarian-ass opinion.
It's well documented that pirating books negatively affects authors directly* in a way that pirating movies or TV shows doesn't affect actors or writers, so I will likely always be anti-book piracy unless there's absolutely, positively no other option (i.e. the book simply doesn't exist outside of online archives at all, or in a particular language).
Also, yeah, Libby and Hoopla licenses are really expensive, but libraries buy them SO THAT PATRONS CAN USE THEM. If you're gonna be pissed at anybody about this shitty state of affairs, be pissed at publishing companies and continue to use Libby or Hoopla at your library so we can continue to justify having it to our funding bodies.
One of the best ways to support your library having services you like is to USE THOSE SERVICES. Yes, even if they are expensive.
*Yes, this is a blog post, but it's a blog post filled with links to news articles. If you can click one link, you can click another.
#It's well documented that pirating books negatively affects authors directly#please read that again#you're not sticking it to the man when you pirate a book#you're likely sticking it to an author who really needs the money
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Ontario says it will force employers to scrap requirements for sick notes as part of an effort to cut down on paperwork for family physicians.
The change will be part of new legislation tabled by the minister of labour in coming weeks, a government official says. The amendments would eliminate the need for a doctor's note from employees who want to use part or all of their three days of provincially-mandated annual sick leave.
Employers will retain the right to require another form of evidence that an employee is ill, which could include self-attestations or a receipt for over-the-counter medication, the official said.
Continue Reading.
Tagging: @newsfromstolenland
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kristi noem shot her dog. on purpose.
when i first heard this, i knew shed use the "farm life" excuse, but reading into it, it wasnt cause the dog was so severely injured and that waiting to bring the dog to a vet was going to take so long that it would be more humane to do it herself. NO the fucking crazy disgusting conservative republican shot the the puppy, named Cricket, because he attacked some chickens instead of attacking pheasants which she was trying to train the dog to kill. the poor 14 month old puppy attacked the wrong kind of bird, so kristi noem took the puppy to a gravel pit and shot it in the back of the head. its so fucking insane! its so fucking demented! she should literally be in jail for animal abuse.
and this is all from her memoirs, so she freely admits it in her book. she told the fucking crazy story to say she can do the “difficult, messy and ugly” things when necessary. no bitch! youre fucking crazy! its fucking unhinged! it fucking abuse!
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Thanks for the question, Anon! I had to combine the “10” with the “more than 10” because I ran out of space! Hope it works.
For me I have a lot of health issues and can’t work because of it, and family issues as well, but if it was a perfect world, I would choose two kids. That way they have each other.
-submit your poll!-
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btw if you're annoyed with Google search giving you results for stuff that's similar to but not actually what you typed in, go to search tools, go to where it says "all results" and change that to "verbatim" and then it will search for what you actually asked for
why this is not the default is beyond me other than obvs enshittification but it has rescued a bunch of searches for me lately where the top results were completely unhelpful until i switched to that so. might be helpful for others
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Reblogging would be a great help, but don’t feel pressured to
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Holy fucking shit, pain is not a matter of fucking willpower. I'm not being fucking weak when I can't push through my fucking pain. Sometimes, I just fucking can't. I don't need to fucking "stick it out" or "keep fighting." When I say I want to give up it is not because I am not fucking trying hard enough. I am trying so fucking hard every fucking second of every fucking day. The fucking able-bodied assholes that say this shit have never been in actual pain a day in their fucking lives, and it is SO obvious. I think I don't want to talk to another able-bodied person for the rest of my entire life.
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