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rafesapologist · 2 days

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the setback ─ rafe cameron; part nine

summary: it's been two years since your departure from the outer banks and rafe cameron has seemingly convinced himself that he can go on with his life as if you never happened, except now more than ever his addiction is at an all time high. whether he was snorting lines of cocaine at wild parties or drowning himself in alcohol to numb the pain, rafe couldn't escape the memories of you. despite his efforts to bury his feelings, your absence lingered like a shadow, haunting him at every turn. meanwhile, you've been navigating life outside the outer banks, trying to carve out a new path for yourself. but no matter how far you've traveled, the memories of rafe cameron still linger in your heart, leaving you with a sense of unfinished business. as you find yourself facing new challenges and opportunities, you can't help but wonder if fate will eventually bring you back to the place where it all began.

warnings: swearing, angst, topper being topper

author's note: i listened to 'one more hour' by tame impala before writing this so do what you will with that (this is a warning in itself)

As the morning sun filtered through your shut eyelids, you groaned, trying to fend off the burning light that threatened to pull you from the depths of sleep. But despite your efforts, the persistent glow seeped through, coaxing you back to consciousness.

With a reluctant sigh, you finally succumbed to wakefulness, blinking away the haze of sleep as you reached out to check the time on your phone. But just as your fingers brushed against the familiar shape of your device, the door to your room burst open with a bang, startling you from your drowsy reverie.

"Y/n, wake up!" JJ's voice echoed through the room, filled with urgency and impatience. "You've got twenty minutes before your shift at the golf course starts!"

You blinked, momentarily disoriented by the sudden intrusion. "What?" you mumbled, rubbing the sleep from your eyes as you tried to process JJ's words.

"Your shift, remember?" JJ reminded you, his tone tinged with exasperation. "Our job at the golf course starts today, first shift remember?"

Realization dawned on you as the fog of sleep lifted from your mind, memories of your earlier conversation with JJ flooding back to you. "Right, my shift," you muttered, scrambling to sit up in bed as you shook off the remnants of sleep.

JJ stood in the doorway, arms crossed impatiently as he waited for you to get moving. "Come on, y/n, chop chop! We don't have all day," he urged, his tone bordering on frantic.

With a resigned sigh, you threw back the covers and swung your legs over the edge of the bed, forcing yourself to push through the grogginess that still clung to your limbs. "Alright, alright, I'm up," you grumbled, shooting JJ a half-hearted glare as you dragged yourself out of bed.

As you splashed cold water on your face, the sensation jolting you into wakefulness, you couldn't help but feel a sense of apprehension gnawing at the edges of your consciousness. It had been a while since you last set foot in the golf course, since you left the familiar shores of the Outer Banks behind. And now, as you prepared to return to your old stomping grounds, a wave of uncertainty washed over you like a tidal surge.

The golf course was a haven for the kooks – the privileged elite who roamed the island with an air of entitlement that bordered on arrogance. It was a world apart from the humble simplicity of life in the Outer Banks, a world where money and status reigned supreme.

You sighed, trying to shake off the lingering doubts and fears that threatened to consume you whole. You couldn't let the expectations of others dictate your life – couldn't let the judgmental glares and whispered gossip of the kooks dictate your worth.

With a determined shake of your head, you forced yourself to focus on the task at hand. You slicked back your hair, tying it into a low ponytail to keep it out of your face as you braced yourself for the day ahead. You stared at your reflection in the mirror, steeling yourself for whatever challenges lay in store.

"It's not a big deal," you whispered to yourself, the words a silent mantra of encouragement. "It's just the golf course."

With a quick brush of your teeth, you left the bathroom feeling slightly more refreshed. Hastily throwing on your tennis skirt and tank-top uniform, you wasted no time in rushing out into the kitchen, eager to ensure that JJ was ready to go.

"Hurry up, JJ!" you called out, your voice echoing through the empty hallway as you searched for your boyfriend.

Just as you were starting to worry, JJ emerged from his room with a sheepish grin, his hair still slightly tousled from sleep. "I'm ready, I'm ready!" he exclaimed, his words punctuated by a hint of breathlessness.

You couldn't help but giggle at his disheveled appearance, shaking your head in amusement at his lack of time management when it came to getting ready. "You really need to work on your timing, JJ," you teased, unable to resist poking fun at him.

JJ rolled his eyes playfully, though there was a hint of sheepishness in his expression. "Yeah, yeah, I know," he admitted with a chuckle, his tone filled with good-natured resignation. "But hey, at least we're not late, right?"

You nodded in agreement, unable to suppress a smile at JJ's infectious enthusiasm. "Yeah, I guess you're right," you replied, feeling a sense of camaraderie with the blond as you prepared to face the day together.

As you followed JJ out of the front door and towards his motorcycle parked in the front yard, you couldn't help but feel a sense of anticipation building within you. Riding on the back of JJ's motorcycle always brought a rush of adrenaline, a feeling of freedom and exhilaration that you couldn't find anywhere else.

But just as you were about to hop on behind him, JJ stopped you with a gentle hand on your shoulder. Before you could protest, he swiftly placed a helmet over your head, securing it in place with practiced ease.

You couldn't help but roll your eyes at his gesture, a playful grin tugging at the corners of your lips. JJ had always been one to prioritize safety, even if it meant being a bit overprotective at times. But deep down, you couldn't deny the warmth that flooded your heart at his show of affection and care for you.

"Thanks, Jay," you said, your voice soft with gratitude as you adjusted the helmet, ensuring that it fit snugly over your head.

JJ flashed you a grin in response, his eyes sparkling with mischief as he climbed onto the motorcycle, revving the engine to life. "Safety first, y/n," he teased, his tone lighthearted yet sincere.

You couldn't help but laugh at his antics, feeling a sense of comfort wash over you as you settled onto the back of the motorcycle, wrapping your arms around JJ's waist as he guided the bike onto the road.

As the motorcycle roared to life and JJ guided it onto the road, you couldn't help but feel a surge of nervous energy coursing through your veins. The ride to the golf course seemed to pass in a blur, each moment tinged with a sense of urgency and anticipation that made time fly by in an instant.

You attributed the quickness of the journey to your own anxiety, the nerves coiling tightly in the pit of your stomach as you braced yourself for the day ahead. But despite the whirlwind of emotions that threatened to overwhelm you, there was a small sense of relief in the feeling of the wind against your skin and the warmth of JJ's body pressed close to yours.

As you clung to him, the steady rhythm of the motorcycle beneath you provided a comforting anchor, grounding you in the present moment and soothing the turmoil that churned inside you. With each passing mile, you felt the tension in your muscles begin to ease, replaced by a sense of calm and clarity that you hadn't realized you'd been craving.

And as the golf course loomed into view, the familiar sights and sounds of the bustling establishment filling the air, you couldn't help but feel a sense of disquietude wash over you.

"If you had went any faster you probably would have killed us," you quipped as you removed the bulky helmet off of your head, "I think I have whiplash."

"Yeah, whatever boosts your ego," you replied with a playful shrug, grabbing your tote bag from the bike's satchel. "I just can't believe you managed to get us our jobs back here." Shaking your head, you turned your gaze to the ground beneath you as you and JJ approached the golf course's main entrance gate.

Your heart raced a million beats per minute as you stepped foot onto the lush Bermuda grass that covered the course. Though JJ was likely still talking to you, your attention was elsewhere, your mind consumed by the memories and emotions that flooded back at the familiar sight of the golf course.

With a heavy sigh, you hauled yourself and the looming anxiety into the locker room, determined to put away your bag and clock in for your shift. The familiar routine helped to ground you, providing a sense of structure amidst the chaos of your racing thoughts.

As you stowed your belongings and straightened up your appearance, you couldn't shake the nagging feeling of apprehension that settled like a weight in the pit of your stomach. The prospect of facing whoever would show up during your shift, especially Rafe Cameron, sent a shiver down your spine.

Summoning every ounce of courage you could muster, you pulled up your socks just above your ankles, a small gesture of determination to face whatever challenges lay ahead. With a deep breath to steady your nerves, you squared your shoulders and stepped out onto the course, ready to begin your shift.

Despite the lingering unease that gnawed at the edges of your mind, you pushed aside your fears and focused on the task at hand. You had a job to do, and you were determined to do it to the best of your ability, no matter what – even if it meant coming face to face with Rafe Cameron.

As you ventured out onto the course, the warm rays of the sun danced across your glistening skin, casting a comforting glow over the lush green landscape. The figure-eight pattern of sunlight filtered through the swaying branches of the trees, creating a mesmerizing dance of light and shadow that enveloped you as you went about your duties.

The first half of your shift passed by without much incident, the familiar routine of serving drinks and catering to the whims of the patrons keeping you busy. You dealt with your fair share of middle-aged men who were more interested in flirting with a girl half their age than actually playing golf, but you handled them with ease, deftly navigating their advances with a polite yet firm demeanor.

Despite the occasional flirtatious comment or suggestive wink, you found yourself settling into a rhythm, the tasks at hand becoming second nature as you moved from one group of patrons to the next. It was smooth sailing for the most part, and you couldn't help but feel a sense of gratitude as the hours ticked by without any mishaps or run-ins with your past to corrupt your day.

As you were in the midst of refilling the cooler of drinks, lost in your own thoughts, your boss's sudden appearance jolted you back to reality. He approached with purpose, pulling you out of your reverie as he delivered the news of a large group of young men arriving to golf for the next few hours.

The request was simple – ensure their needs were met and provide exceptional service throughout their time at the course. While you obliged with a nod of understanding, internally, you couldn't help but feel a pang of apprehension at the prospect of dealing with a rowdy group of young men.

Though you maintained a professional demeanor, the thought of catering to their demands and managing their potentially unruly behavior wasn't exactly thrilling. Nevertheless, you knew it was all part of the job, and you were determined to fulfill your duties to the best of your ability, regardless of any personal reservations.

With a resigned sigh, you set aside your misgivings and prepared yourself to meet the challenge head-on. After all, you were no stranger to handling difficult patrons, and you were confident in your ability to navigate the situation with grace and professionalism. With a reassuring nod to your boss, you returned to your tasks, steeling yourself for whatever the next few hours might bring.

As you braced yourself for the impending arrival of the group, you couldn't help but feel the need to vent to JJ before diving into what promised to be a challenging few hours. You wandered around the course, scanning the area until you spotted JJ outside, meticulously polishing golf clubs hung up on the racks.

With a sense of determination, you made your way over to him, catching him by surprise with your abrupt greeting. JJ looked up, noting the irritation in your tone, and immediately sensed that something was amiss. He set down the club he was working on and turned his full attention to you, ready to listen.

"What's wrong?" he asked, his brows furrowing with concern as he regarded you.

You sighed, feeling a weight lift off your shoulders as you prepared to unload your frustrations. "There's a group of kooks coming in soon, and I have a feeling they're going to be a handful," you explained, your voice tinged with exasperation.

JJ's expression hardened at the mention of the kooks, a flicker of annoyance crossing his features. He knew all too well the challenges that came with dealing with entitled tourists, especially those who frequented the golf course.

"Well, you know you can handle them," JJ reassured you, his tone firm yet supportive. "And if they give you any trouble, just let me know. I'll take care of it."

As you exchanged a nod and a small smile with JJ, appreciative of his offer of support, the sound of your boss's voice shattered the moment, calling out for you to head over to the other end of the course to greet the arriving group.

"Looks like duty calls," you remarked with a wry grin, casting a glance over your shoulder at JJ.

"Yeah, go handle those kooks. You got this," JJ replied, his tone laced with confidence.

Rolling your eyes playfully, you shot back, "Easy for you to say. You're not the one dealing with them."

With a chuckle, JJ waved you off. "Just remember, if they give you any trouble, you know where to find me." Nodding in agreement, you turned and began to make your way towards the other end of the course, your steps quickening with each stride.

Hurriedly making your way over to the other side of the golf course, you felt a sense of urgency creeping in as you fumbled to find your notepad. The weight of the impending interaction with the large group of customers loomed over you, fueling your determination to be prepared for whatever they might throw your way.

As you approached the group, you plastered on your best fake customer service voice, offering a warm greeting despite the mounting tension in your chest. "Good afternoon, gentlemen! Welcome to the golf course. How can I assist you today?" Your words flowed smoothly, practiced and polished, even as your gaze remained fixated on your skirt pocket, still searching for your notepad. With each passing moment, the pressure mounted, and you couldn't help but feel a twinge of frustration at your inability to locate the notepad.

The sound of a male voice broke through the tension, pulling you out of your internal turmoil. "No shot," the voice exclaimed, its familiarity causing your heart to skip a beat. "Y/N, is that you?"

Your head snapped up at the mention of your name, your eyes widening in disbelief as you locked gazes with the source of the voice. And there, standing before you, was none other than Topper. Time seemed to stand still as you took in his appearance, his blond hair tousled by the breeze, his features sharp and familiar.

For a moment, you couldn't believe your eyes. It felt as though you were either dreaming or on the brink of insanity. Topper, of all people, here at the golf course – it was a surreal sight to behold. Your heart raced in your chest as you stood there in stunned silence, unable to form words as you processed the unexpected encounter.

You stumbled over your words, the unexpected encounter catching you off guard. "Hey, Top…" you stammered, your voice trailing off as you struggled to find your footing in the conversation. Your gaze flickered to the ground, a feeble attempt to avoid further interaction with him, but deep down, you knew Topper thrived on drama.

His snarky remark pierced through the awkward silence, poking at your nerves with surgical precision. "I haven't seen your face in a while. How was your little trip to Barbados?" His words hung in the air, laced with an unmistakable edge as he watched you carefully, clearly enjoying the discomfort he was causing.

Your eyes shot up to meet his, a mix of surprise and suspicion flickering in your gaze. How did he know about your trip to Barbados? It was something you hadn't even shared with Rafe, let alone anyone else. The realization sent a shiver down your spine, a nagging sense of unease settling in the pit of your stomach as you grappled with the implications of Topper's words.

Caught off guard by the sudden interruption, you welcomed the distraction with a relieved cough, hoping to diffuse the tension that had been building between you and Topper. But before you could respond, another member of the group chimed in, his words cutting through the air like a knife.

"Wait… Holy shit, are you Rafe's ex?"

The question hung in the air, heavy with implication, as the group turned their attention to you, awaiting your response. You felt a surge of panic rise within you, unsure of how to navigate this unexpected turn of events. The truth threatened to spill from your lips, but you quickly clamped down on the impulse, your mind racing as you searched for a suitable response.

The weight of everyone's attention bore down on you, intensifying the clamminess in your palms and the heat rising to your cheeks. "Um…" you began, your voice wavering slightly as you struggled to find the right words. Your brows furrowed in concentration as you shook your head, attempting to deflect the question with a vague response. "We used to be close is all," you muttered, your tone terse as you kept your reply short and to the point.

You hoped your answer would suffice, deflecting any further inquiries about your relationship with Rafe. But deep down, you couldn't shake the feeling of unease that lingered in the air, knowing that the truth was far more complicated than you were willing to admit.

Topper's laughter cut through the air like a knife, his amusement at your response evident in the way his laughter echoed around you. But it was his next words that struck deep, like a blow to the chest.

"That's a funny way of saying you two dated until he found out you were a backstabbing bitch."

Your eyes widened in shock at the venom in his words, feeling the sting of his insult like a physical blow. The tightness in your throat threatened to suffocate you as you struggled to process the weight of his accusation. Flinching at the sincerity in his voice, you realized with a sinking feeling that Rafe must have confided in Topper about the real reason for your breakup all those years ago.

The truth of his words hit you like a ton of bricks, stirring up a whirlwind of emotions that threatened to consume you. Anger, hurt, and betrayal mingled together, leaving you feeling raw and exposed in front of Topper and the rest of the group. You swallowed hard, fighting to keep your composure as you grappled with the devastating revelation that your past had come back to haunt you in the most unexpected of ways.

"What's going on? What are you guys laughing at-" The sound of a familiar voice cut through the laughter like a knife, bringing a sudden halt to the jovial atmosphere. Your heart sank as you recognized the voice, dread pooling in the pit of your stomach. And then, as if on cue, his face came into view, confirming your worst fears.

Rafe.

Your breath caught in your throat as you locked gazes with him, feeling a wave of emotions crash over you like a tidal wave. Guilt, fear, and a deep-seated sense of apprehension washed over you, leaving you feeling exposed and vulnerable in his presence.

As Rafe's eyes scanned the scene before him, confusion flickering across his features, you braced yourself for the inevitable confrontation that was sure to follow. The weight of his gaze bore down on you, and you couldn't help but feel a sense of dread gnawing at your insides as you waited for him to speak.

You watched with bated breath as Rafe's shoulders slumped, a flicker of recognition crossing his features as he realized the source of his friends' laughter. The sight of you, on the verge of tears, must have been a stark contrast to the jovial atmosphere he had walked into.

"Rafe! Look who we ran into. Funny, right? Who would've thought she'd show her face here after what she did." Topper's snarl pierced through the tense silence, his gesture pointing towards you as if you were some spectacle to be mocked.

Rafe's expression hardened at Topper's words, a glimmer of warning in his voice as he responded, "Top, knock it off. It's all in the past."

His words were like a lifeline in the midst of the chaos, a reminder that despite the hurt and betrayal of the past, there was still a chance for redemption and forgiveness. You felt a faint flicker of hope stir within you, tempered by the uncertainty of what lay ahead. But for now, in this moment, you clung to Rafe's words as a beacon of hope in the heat of the moment.

Topper's chuckle grated on your nerves, his persistence in dredging up the past only adding fuel to the fire of your emotions. His next words cut through the air like a knife, each syllable laced with venomous intent.

"Oh, c'mon, you hated her guts right after she left. You think I forgot all those times you said she was nothing but a heartless bitch?" Topper's jab landed with precision, causing Rafe's expression to falter, his facade of composure cracking under the weight of his friend's accusations.

Rafe's gaze immediately found yours, searching for any sign of the impact Topper's words had on you. As you met his eyes, he saw the hurt reflected in your expression, a painful reminder of the wounds that had yet to heal. Guilt washed over him like a tidal wave, hitting him with the force of a truck as he realized the depth of the pain he had caused you.

In that moment, the tension between you and Rafe was palpable, a silent acknowledgment of the turmoil that lay beneath the surface. And as you held each other's gaze, the weight of the past hung heavy in the air, threatening to suffocate you both with its unresolved emotions.

Fighting back tears, you clenched your jaw, determined to maintain your composure and professionalism in front of the large group of men. With a quick nod, you shielded your emotions from the prying eyes of the boys surrounding you.

"Right. Well, if you guys need anything, I'll be over here. Enjoy your day," you replied stoically, your voice betraying none of the turmoil raging within you. Turning on your heel, you swiftly walked away, each step a silent retreat from the painful confrontation unfolding before you. Reaching a nearby golf cart, you wasted no time in packing up your belongings and drinks, your movements brisk and efficient as you prepared to escape to somewhere far away from the suffocating presence of Rafe and his friends.

"Y/N please, wait."

As you hurriedly packed up your things, a voice called out your name from behind, growing closer with each step. You recognized the voice all too well, and a wave of conflicting emotions washed over you. It was Rafe.

Despite knowing it was him, you refused to turn around and acknowledge him. You couldn't bear to face him after everything that had transpired. You knew he was probably coming over to do damage control for his friend's spitefulness, but after what Topper had said, you had heard enough.

"Go away, Rafe," you muttered, your voice tinged with hurt and frustration as you continued to focus on packing up your belongings. It came out more harshly than you intended, but you couldn't bring yourself to face him, not after the pain his friend's words had caused you.

Despite your request, you knew Rafe well enough to anticipate that he wouldn't simply leave until you faced him. His stubbornness had always been both a blessing and a curse to you.

"Y/N, look, I'm sorry about what happened back there. You know Topper, he just says things," Rafe's voice broke through the tension, his tone laced with regret and sincerity.

"So you weren't calling me a heartless bitch while I was gone?" you spat, the bitterness evident in your words as you crossed your arms defensively, turning to face Rafe abruptly. The hurt and anger simmered beneath the surface, threatening to spill over at any moment.

Rafe fell silent, his blue eyes flickering back and forth between yours as he struggled to find the right words. Eventually, he sighed, a gesture of resignation as he brought a hand to his temple in frustration.

"I'm not going to lie to you and say that I didn't," he began, his voice heavy with remorse, "and I know it was wrong. But I did it because I was hurt and angry at you for leaving, okay? I shouldn't have said it, but I did, and I'm sorry, Y/N. I didn't mean it."

His admission hung in the air, the weight of his words sinking in as you processed his apology. Despite the pain and anger that still lingered within you, you couldn't deny the sincerity in Rafe's voice. He was vulnerable in that moment, his walls crumbling as he laid bare his regrets and shortcomings.

You felt a twinge of sympathy, recognizing the turmoil that must have plagued him in the aftermath of your departure. And as you looked into his eyes, you saw the flicker of remorse mirrored in his gaze, a silent plea for forgiveness that tugged at your heartstrings.

For a moment, you hesitated, unsure of how to respond to his apology. But deep down, you knew that holding onto resentment would only prolong the pain for both of you. With a sigh, you let your arms fall to your sides, the tension easing from your stance as you met Rafe's gaze with a nod of acknowledgment.

You looked up at him, a softness in your gaze as you nodded, taking in his apology and the acceptance of his words. "We can't keep hurting each other like this, Rafe," you admitted, your voice filled with a mixture of weariness and determination.

The weight of the past hung heavy between you, a reminder of the pain and heartache that had plagued your relationship. But in that moment, you felt a glimmer of hope, a longing for a future where the wounds of the past could be healed, and where you and Rafe could find a way to move forward together.

Rafe met your gaze with a solemn nod, his expression reflecting a similar sentiment. "I know, Y/N," he replied softly, his voice tinged with regret, "I don't want to keep making the same mistakes. I want to do better, for both of us." His words resonated with you, stirring a sense of hopefulness within your heart.

As you closed your eyes, a wave of conflicting emotions washed over you, threatening to drown you in their intensity. The weight of your choices hung heavy on your shoulders, each one fraught with its own set of consequences. You couldn't help but feel torn between loyalty to JJ, your best friend, and the lingering feelings you still held for Rafe, your first love.

The thought of hurting either of them filled you with a profound sense of guilt and despair. You wished you could simply escape from it all, to tune out the world and retreat into solitude where the weight of your decisions couldn't reach you. But you knew that running away wasn't an option, not when the consequences of your actions were looming over you like a storm cloud on the horizon.

With a heavy heart, you knew that you had to face the reality of your situation head-on. No matter how much you wished for an easy way out, the truth was that there was no escaping the difficult choices that lay before you. And as you took another deep breath, steeling yourself for the challenges that lay ahead, you knew that you couldn't afford to remain passive any longer. It was time to confront the complexities of your heart and the tangled web of emotions that bound you to both JJ and Rafe, knowing that the path forward would be anything but easy.

"I still have things to figure out for now, Rafe," you confessed, your voice laced with uncertainty, "and I hope that you can be okay with that until I'm able to do so. I just... I don't want to hurt anyone else more than I've already done."

Rafe's gaze softened, his eyes reflecting a deep understanding of your dilemma. "I understand, Y/N," he replied gently, his voice a soothing presence amidst the turmoil of your emotions, "I'll respect your need for time and space. Just... know that I'll be here, whenever you're ready."

You offered him a small, grateful smile, the weight of your indecision still heavy on your heart. "Thank you, Rafe," you murmured, hoping that he could sense the depth of your gratitude and the complexity of your emotions.

As you drove across the expansive golf course, the hum of the cart's engine providing a steady backdrop to your turbulent thoughts, you couldn't help but feel a sense of unease settle over you. The weight of the choices you faced seemed to grow heavier with each passing moment, threatening to crush you beneath their burden.

You hated the complexity of the situation, the tangled web of emotions that bound you to both JJ and Rafe. It felt like no matter which path you chose, someone would end up hurt, and the thought weighed heavily on your conscience.

Memories of your past with Rafe flashed through your mind, each one a painful reminder of the bond you once shared and the feelings that still lingered beneath the surface. Despite your efforts to move on, it seemed that the past had a way of catching up to you, refusing to let you forget the love you once knew.

And yet, as you navigated the winding paths of the golf course, you knew that you couldn't afford to dwell on the past. The present demanded your attention, and the future loomed uncertain and fraught with challenges.

You spotted JJ outside the lobby building, his expression grave as he motioned for you to come over. Your heart sank as you approached, already bracing yourself for bad news.

"What's going on, Jay?" you asked, your voice tinged with worry as you crossed your arms, waiting for his response.

"Okay, so get this. Pope just called and told me they found out that Ward is trying to track John B before he can expose all of Ward's fucked up lies. Apparently, he has a hit out on him," JJ explained urgently, his words hitting you like a punch to the gut.

Your eyes widened in horror, your arms falling to your sides as you processed the gravity of the situation. The thought of John B being in danger sent a surge of fear coursing through your veins.

"Shit," you breathed, your mind racing as you tried to comprehend the direness of the situation. "We have to do something, Jay. We can't just sit back and let Ward get away with this."

JJ fell silent for a moment, his expression telling you he was hesitant to say whatever it was that he wanted to tell you. You cocked your eyebrow, waiting for him to speak but to no avail.

"Well, what is it JJ?"

"Look, I know it's a lot to ask," JJ began, his tone hesitant as he gauged your reaction. "But we really need you to spy on Rafe again. It's the only way we can find out what Ward's next move is."

You felt a surge of confliction, the memories of your previous attempts to spy on Rafe flooding back with a pang of guilt. "Spy on Rafe?" you repeated, your voice wavering with uncertainty as you processed JJ's request.

"Yeah," JJ confirmed with a solemn nod, his expression grave. "I know it's asking a lot, but we need to know what Ward's planning. Rafe might have some insight that could help us."

Your heart sank at the thought of betraying Rafe's trust once again, but you couldn't deny the urgency of the situation. "But JJ, you know what happened last time I tried to spy on him," you reminded him, your voice tinged with apprehension.

JJ's gaze softened with understanding, his tone gentle as he replied, "I know, Y/N. I'm not asking you to do this lightly. But right now, we need all the information we can get if we're going to take down Ward and keep John B safe."

You shook your head, your gaze falling to the floor, overwhelmed by JJ's request. "JJ, this is a lot to ask... I don't know if I can do this again. I feel like I'm just hurting him all over again."

"Why does it matter if he's hurt? He's Rafe Cameron, he doesn't deserve your pity," JJ countered, his voice tinged with frustration.

You looked up at JJ, a mix of emotions swirling inside you. "I know he's made mistakes, but he's still a person, JJ. I can't just use him like some pawn in a game," you insisted, your voice tinged with anguish.

"But this isn't about him, Y/N. It's about taking down Ward and keeping John B safe," JJ argued, his tone firm.

You sighed heavily, torn between loyalty to your friends and your own moral compass. "I need some time to think about it, JJ. This isn't a decision I can make lightly," you replied, your voice wavering with uncertainty.

JJ folded his arms, frustration evident on his face. "Well, let me know when you make your decision, although I thought it should be pretty easy considering John B is your friend, too," he stated firmly, his tone laced with disappointment.

You flinched at JJ's words, feeling the weight of his expectations bearing down on you. "I know, JJ. I'll... I'll figure it out," you replied, your voice barely above a whisper, unable to meet his gaze.

With that, JJ nodded stoically and turned back around to go into the building, leaving you standing there with the weight of your decision heavy on your shoulders. You took a deep breath, trying to steel yourself against the conflicting emotions swirling inside you. The gravity of the situation pressed down on you, leaving you feeling torn between loyalty to your friend and the potential consequences of betraying someone you cared about.

As you stood there, lost in your thoughts, the world seemed to blur around you, the only sound echoing in your ears being the tumultuous beating of your own heart. With each passing moment, the weight of the choice you had to make grew heavier, threatening to crush you under its burden.

But despite the overwhelming uncertainty that loomed over you, one thing remained clear – whatever decision you made would have far-reaching consequences, forever altering the course of your relationships and the trajectory of your life. And as you grappled with the weight of your choices, you couldn't help but wonder if there was any path forward that wouldn't leave you broken and alone in the end.

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#rafe cameron #drew starkey #rafe cameron x reader #obx #outer banks #rafe cameron fanfiction #rafe angst #rafe cameron imagine #rafe #rafe outer banks #rafe obx #rafe x reader #rafe x you #rafe x y/n #rafe cameron x pogue!reader #rafe cameron x y/n #rafe cameron x you #jj maybank #jj maybank x reader

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rafesapologist · 15 days

Text

the setback ─ rafe cameron; part eight

warnings: swearing, angst, mentions of infedelity

As you woke up, an unbearable throbbing ache in your head greeted you, causing you to groan in discomfort. You instinctively shoved your face into the pillow, seeking refuge from the harsh sunlight that only seemed to intensify the pain. Your body felt miserably sore, as though you had been hit by a truck during the night.

Slowly, you forced yourself to sit up, grimacing at the sharp pain that shot through your temples. Blinking away the haze of sleep, you glanced around the room, trying to take in your surroundings. As you noticed a glass of water on the bedside table, a wave of gratitude washed over you. With a sigh of relief, you reached out and grabbed the glass, feeling an overwhelming sense of thirst as if you hadn't had water in months.

Without hesitation, you chugged the water greedily, each sip feeling like a lifeline after a painfully long drought. The cool liquid soothed the dryness in your throat and helped to alleviate the pounding in your head, if only slightly.

With each gulp, you felt a renewed sense of energy coursing through your body, pushing back against the fatigue and discomfort that had plagued you moments before. And as you emptied the glass, you couldn't help but feel a sense of gratitude for the simple yet profound relief that water had provided.

As you placed the cup back down quietly, you glanced around the room, your eyes widening as you spotted Rafe on the side of the room, nestled on the futon. His arms were crossed, and his head rested on a single decorative pillow.

A pang of sympathy washed over you as you observed him. You couldn't help but imagine how uncomfortable he must have been, sleeping on that futon with its sparse cushions, especially given his tall stature. It was clear that he had sacrificed his own comfort to ensure that you had a proper place to sleep.

As you nestled back against the headboard, your eyes wandered around the sunlit room, illuminated by the soft morning light filtering in through the window. Memories of your past flashed before you, each one accompanied by a bittersweet ache in your heart.

You couldn't help but think back to the times you had spent in this room with Rafe, the nights that stretched into the early hours of the morning as you sought refuge in each other's company. The countless movie marathons, the whispered conversations, the shared laughter – it all came flooding back to you, filling the room with a sense of nostalgia and longing.

As you gazed out the balcony window, lost in the silence of your thoughts, guilt and nostalgia gnawed at your subconscious. The memories of the past weighed heavily on your mind, leaving you feeling conflicted and uncertain about the path ahead.

Lost in your contemplation, you were taken by surprise when you noticed Rafe beginning to stir on the futon. His movements were slow and deliberate, as though he was gradually awakening from a deep slumber. You watched quietly as he groaned softly, his eyes fluttering open with a sense of drowsy reluctance.

For a moment, you remained still, observing him with a mixture of curiosity and apprehension. It had been a while since you had seen him like this, vulnerable and unguarded in the early hours of the morning.

As he blinked away the remnants of sleep, his gaze met yours, and a flicker of recognition crossed his features. You offered him a small, tentative smile, unsure of how he would react to seeing you awake.

"Morning," you greeted softly, breaking the silence that hung between you.

"Morning," Rafe greeted with a groan as he rubbed his eyes awake, his morning voice fully prominent. The sound made butterflies erupt in your stomach, a familiar sensation that brought a sense of warmth to your cheeks.

"How do you feel?" he asked, peering over at you with a hint of concern in his eyes, which squinted as they struggled to fully open.

You offered him a small smile, trying to push aside the lingering discomfort from the throbbing ache in your head. "Not the best, but I'll survive," you replied, trying to sound nonchalant despite the lingering effects of last night's revelry.

Rafe nodded in understanding, his expression softening with sympathy. "Yeah, I know the feeling," he admitted with a small chuckle, the sound melodic and soothing to your ears. As you watched him, a sense of familiarity washed over you, reminding you of the countless mornings you had spent together in the past. Despite the time that had passed, there was still a comfort in his presence that you couldn't deny.

"Thank you for the water, by the way. My head is killing me," you said, offering Rafe a small smile of gratitude.

Rafe nodded sympathetically, understanding the discomfort all too well. "Of course, I figured you might need it," he replied, his voice gentle and reassuring.

As you sat in silence, you found yourself gazing at Rafe in his vulnerable state of half-awakeness. His tousled bedhead somehow looked effortlessly stylish, adding to his rugged charm. You admired the contour of his chiseled face, the subtle lines that spoke of a life lived with intensity and purpose. And despite the disheveled appearance, there was a certain allure to him, a magnetism that drew you in and made it hard to look away.

You couldn't help but notice the contrast between his appearance now and the memories of him from years past. Time had changed him, sculpting him into a man with a quiet strength and undeniable charisma. And as you studied him, a sense of nostalgia washed over you, reminding you of the bond that had once existed between you.

With a soft sigh, you tore your gaze away, feeling a flutter of emotions stir within you. Despite the uncertainties of the future, one thing was certain – the history between you and Rafe was still as potent as ever, a reminder of the deep bond that had once bound you together.

"I can take you back to your place if you want, or I can have Sarah come get you. Whichever you feel more comfortable with," Rafe offered, his voice gentle and considerate.

"Shit, Sarah," you panicked, remembering that you left without notice last night, wondering if she knew the circumstances. "Did you talk to her?"

Rafe shook his head, his expression apologetic. "No, I haven't had a chance yet. But I can text her and let her know you're okay," he offered.

Your heart raced as you anticipated Sarah's response, wondering if she would be more upset about you leaving abruptly or the fact that you were with Rafe. You watched as Rafe typed out his message to his younger sister, your mind racing as you dreaded the worst to come.

After what felt like an eternity, Rafe finally hit send, and you held your breath as you waited for Sarah's reply. The seconds ticked by slowly, each one filled with a mounting sense of anxiety as you braced yourself for her reaction.

Finally, a notification pinged on Rafe's phone, and you both looked at the screen anxiously. As Rafe read the message, you held your breath, waiting for him to share the news.

"She said she's coming to get you," Rafe read out the text, the response simple and short.

The brevity of Sarah's message sent a pang of worry through you, and you couldn't help but feel a knot form in your stomach. Was she upset? Did she suspect something?

Rafe noticed your unease and placed a comforting hand on your shoulder. "Hey, don't worry. She just wants to make sure you're okay," he reassured you, his voice gentle and reassuring.

You nodded, trying to push aside your fears and trust that Sarah's intentions were genuine. "Yeah, you're right," you replied, forcing a smile.

"Hey, it's gonna be okay," Rafe restated, his voice calm and reassuring as he held out his arm towards you. He placed his hand on your thigh, offering a comforting squeeze.

You felt a sense of warmth flood through you at his touch, and you couldn't help but lean into it, finding solace in his presence. "Thanks, Rafe," you murmured, grateful for his reassurance.

Rafe gave you a reassuring smile, his eyes meeting yours with unwavering support. "Sarah isn't gonna do anything. Trust me," he added, his voice filled with conviction.

With a nod, you took a deep breath, allowing yourself to trust in Rafe's words. Despite the lingering unease in your stomach, you knew that Sarah was truly the more understanding one of the Pogues, aside from Kiara. She never really held grudges and you found that you could confide in her about practically anything, even your darkest secrets. So you figured, this shouldn't be any different, right?

Your stomach churned in a nauseating way, the discomfort making you feel hot and clammy. Each passing minute felt like an eternity as you waited in Rafe's room for Sarah to arrive. Despite Rafe's reassurances, you couldn't shake the feeling of unease that gnawed at you from the inside out.

You had to admit, you were definitely assuming the worst-case scenario, bracing yourself for a potential confrontation with Sarah. It was a symptom of your own anxiety, the fear of what might happen feeding into your racing thoughts and escalating worries.

With each passing moment, the tension in the room seemed to grow thicker, suffocating you in its grip. You tried to distract yourself, focusing on anything other than the impending conversation with Sarah. But no matter how hard you tried, the anxiety lingered, a constant weight pressing down on your chest.

As you sat in silence, lost in your own thoughts, you couldn't help but wish for the minutes to pass by faster, dreading the inevitable confrontation that lay ahead. All you could do was brace yourself for whatever might come, hoping that you would find the strength to face it head-on when the time came.

As the minutes dragged on, each one feeling heavier than the last, you found yourself grappling with a mix of emotions – fear, anticipation, and a lingering sense of regret. The air in the room felt charged with tension, making it hard to focus on anything other than the impending conversation with Sarah.

Rafe's presence beside you offered a small measure of comfort, his reassuring touch a reminder that you weren't facing this alone. You drew strength from his silent support, grateful for his unwavering presence in this moment of uncertainty.

Finally, the sound of footsteps echoing down the hallway broke the suffocating silence, signaling Sarah's arrival. Your heart leaped into your throat, a rush of adrenaline coursing through your veins as you braced yourself for what was to come.

The door creaked open, and Sarah stepped into the room, her expression a mix of concern and relief as she laid eyes on you. "Hey, there you are," she greeted softly, her voice carrying a hint of worry.

You offered her a weak smile, trying to mask the nerves that churned in your stomach. "Hey, Sarah," you replied, your voice barely above a whisper.

Rafe shifted beside you, his presence a silent reassurance as Sarah's gaze flickered between the two of you, her brow furrowing in confusion. "What's going on? Are you okay?" she asked, her concern deepening as she took in the scene before her.

You hesitated, unsure of how to begin explaining the events of last night and the complicated emotions that accompanied them. But before you could find the words, Rafe spoke up, his voice steady and calm.

"We had a rough night. But everything's okay now," he reassured Sarah, his tone firm yet gentle.

Sarah's eyes widened in understanding, her expression softening with relief.

"How did you end up leaving with him, y/n?" Sarah's voice was gentle but insistent, her concern palpable.

You swallowed hard, grappling with how to explain the tangled mess of emotions that had led you to make such a decision. "I... It's complicated," you began, struggling to find the right words.

Sarah's expression softened, a mix of understanding and curiosity in her eyes. "Complicated how?" she pressed, her tone encouraging you to open up.

You hesitated, unsure of how much to reveal, but knowing you couldn't avoid the question entirely. "I just needed some time to clear my head," you admitted, hoping it would suffice as an explanation.

Sarah studied you for a moment, her gaze searching your face for any hint of the truth. "And you thought leaving with Rafe was the best way to do that?" she asked, her skepticism evident.

Guilt gnawed at you as you struggled to find the right response. "I know it probably wasn't the best choice," you confessed, regret weighing heavily in your voice. "But in the moment, it felt like the right thing to do."

Sarah's voice faltered, her brows knitting together in confusion. "Y/n... I don't know what to say. I mean, JJ could've come and got you. I don't understand-"

Before Sarah could finish her sentence, Rafe interjected, his voice calm but firm. "Well, I was already at the party, and she wasn't feeling well, so I brought her back here."

Sarah's sudden shift in demeanor caught you off guard, her irritation palpable as she directed her gaze towards Rafe. "Yeah, well, thanks Rafe, but I've got it from here," she said curtly, her tone laced with annoyance.

Rafe's expression remained unreadable, but you could sense a hint of tension in the air as he nodded in acknowledgment. "Sure thing, Sarah," he replied, his voice neutral.

You felt a pang of guilt at the abruptness of your departure, wishing there was a way to convey your gratitude to Rafe for his hospitality. With a quick glance in his direction, you offered him a silent apology, hoping he would understand.

As Sarah motioned for you to leave with her, you stood up quickly, eager to follow her lead. With one last look at Rafe, a silent farewell hanging in the air, you turned and followed Sarah out of the room, leaving behind the lingering tension and uncertainty.

You hurried down the steps of Rafe's house, your footsteps echoing in sync with Sarah's brisk pace. The urgency in her movements matched the intensity of her frustration, and you could feel the tension radiating off her in waves.

The front door slammed shut behind you with a resounding thud, the sound punctuating the gravity of the situation. You both reached John B's van simultaneously, and Sarah wasted no time in sliding into the driver's seat, her jaw set with determination.

You followed suit, settling into the passenger seat as Sarah's hands tightened around the steering wheel. Her knuckles turned white with the force of her grip, her gaze fixed firmly on the road ahead as she navigated the streets with practiced ease.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Sarah's voice was sharp, her tone cutting through the silence with unyielding force.

You winced at the intensity of her words, knowing you deserved every bit of her anger. "I don't know, Sarah. It was stupid," you admitted, your voice tinged with regret.

Sarah's grip on the steering wheel tightened even further, her frustration palpable as she glanced over at you. "Stupid doesn't even begin to cover it, y/n. You could've gotten hurt. I mean, what business do you even have with Rafe?" She scolded, her concern underlying her anger.

You nodded, unable to refute her words. "I know, Sarah. I'm sorry," you apologized, feeling the weight of your actions pressing down on you like a heavy burden.

Sarah sighed heavily, her anger beginning to soften as she turned her gaze back to the road. "I just... I worry about you, y/n. You mean a lot to me, and I don't want to see you get hurt," she confessed, her voice softening with genuine concern.

Guilt gnawed at you, knowing you had caused Sarah unnecessary worry and stress. "I know, Sarah. And I'm sorry for making you worry," you said, your voice filled with sincerity.

Sarah glanced over at you, a hint of a smile playing at the corners of her lips. "Just promise me you won't do something like that again, okay? I don't think my heart can take it," she said, her tone softening with affection.

You nodded, feeling a sense of gratitude wash over you for Sarah's unwavering support. "I promise, Sarah. I won't do anything reckless like that again," you vowed, knowing you couldn't bear to see her worried or upset because of your actions.

"So, on a serious note, did something happen with you and Rafe? Because... there's no way you just miraculously ended up back at his house. I mean, the other day you practically loathed him," Sarah's voice was filled with a mixture of concern and curiosity, her words cutting through the tension in the air.

Your heart skipped a beat at Sarah's direct question, your mind racing to find a plausible explanation for your sudden appearance at Rafe's house. The truth was far more complicated than you could ever convey, and you found yourself grappling with the guilt of keeping her in the dark about your tangled history with Rafe.

"I just... ran into him, I guess," you began, your voice hesitant as you struggled to find the right words. "We talked for a minute, and he gave me a ride back because I wasn't feeling well."

Your explanation felt flimsy even to your own ears, and you couldn't help but feel the weight of Sarah's scrutiny bearing down on you. The truth was far more complicated than you could ever convey, and you found yourself grappling with the guilt of keeping her in the dark about your tangled history with Rafe.

Sarah's brow furrowed in disbelief, her expression a mix of skepticism and concern. "So, what, you just happened to bump into him and suddenly everything's fine?" she pressed, her tone incredulous.

You shifted uncomfortably in your seat, feeling the weight of Sarah's questioning gaze bearing down on you. "It's not like that, Sarah. We just... talked," you insisted, your voice tinged with defensiveness.

Sarah's laughter caught you off guard, her tone unexpectedly light despite the weight of her previous questions. "Look, as much as I love JJ, you were my friend first. So if you think I'm gonna tell him anything, you're wrong," Sarah chuckled softly, shaking her head in amusement. "And I know when you're lying. So tell me," she urged, her tone gentle yet insistent.

You hesitated for a moment, a knot forming in your stomach as you kept your gaze down, your hands fidgeting nervously in your lap. You could feel Sarah's eyes on you, waiting patiently for your response as you mustered up the courage to tell her the truth.

"We... kissed," you finally confessed, the words tumbling out in a rush as you braced yourself for Sarah's reaction.

There was a beat of silence, and you could feel Sarah's surprise palpable in the air. When she spoke, her voice was barely a whisper, filled with disbelief. "You and Rafe... kissed?" she echoed, her tone a mixture of shock and uncertainty.

You nodded slowly, finally meeting Sarah's gaze as you searched her expression for any sign of judgment or reproach. Instead, you found only a flicker of understanding in her eyes, tempered by a hint of concern.

"Yeah," you confirmed softly, the weight of your confession hanging heavy in the air between you.

Sarah took a moment to process your words, her brow furrowing in thought as she searched for the right response. "I... I see," she murmured finally, her voice tinged with uncertainty.

"I know that sounds terrible, but it was just a heat-of-the-moment thing, and when I ran into him, all these emotions came back, and I just..." you trailed off, struggling to find the right words to explain the whirlwind of emotions that had led to the kiss.

"Y/n, it's okay," Sarah interrupted gently, cutting through your self-reproach. "I mean, I don't love the idea of you and Rafe considering he's insane, but I also know you can't control what your heart wants."

Her words offered a balm to your guilt-stricken conscience, and you felt a wave of gratitude wash over you for her understanding. "Thank you, Sarah," you murmured, feeling the weight of your confession beginning to lift.

Sarah gave your shoulder another reassuring squeeze, her expression soft with empathy. "Hey, we all make mistakes. What matters is how we handle them," she said, her voice filled with wisdom beyond her years.

You returned Sarah's small smile, a flicker of gratitude passing between you before you averted your gaze to the passenger window. The scenery outside blurred as the van navigated the winding roads of the Outer Banks, the rhythmic hum of the engine lulling you into a sense of calm.

Lost in your thoughts, you found yourself watching the world pass by in a blur of greenery and coastal vistas. The wind whipped through your hair, carrying with it the salty scent of the ocean and the promise of adventure.

Despite the weight of the conversation with Sarah, you couldn't help but feel a sense of peace settle over you as you rode back to the chateau. There was something comforting about the familiarity of the landscape, the way the sunlight danced across the waves and the seagulls soared overhead.

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"Just be chill when you go in," Sarah advised sincerely as she shut the van engine off, "you know JJ can read you like a book."

"Yeah," you let out a half-hearted laugh through your nose, nodding in agreement at Sarah's point, "he's good at that. It's a blessing and a curse I guess." You sighed, bracing yourself for your entrance into the chateau while you unbuckled your seatbelt wearily, trying to stall as much as possible.

You knew that you could easily conceal yourself from JJ's inquisitions, but you couldn't escape your own guilt from what happened the night before. Despite your attempts to rationalize it, part of you couldn't shake the whirlwind of emotions that had flooded back when you ran into Rafe at the party.

As you approached the chateau, you couldn't shake the feeling of apprehension that gnawed at your insides. Each step felt heavier than the last, the weight of your guilt pressing down on you like a burden you couldn't shake.

Sarah walked beside you, her presence a source of comfort in the face of uncertainty. She offered you a reassuring smile, a silent reminder that you weren't alone in this.

"Just remember to breathe," she whispered, her voice barely above a murmur as you reached the front door of the chateau. "You've got this."

You nodded, drawing in a deep breath to steady your nerves before pushing open the door and stepping inside. The familiar sights and sounds of the chateau greeted you, but there was an underlying tension in the air that you couldn't ignore.

JJ was lounging on the couch, his gaze flicking up as you entered the room. There was a knowing look in his eyes, a silent acknowledgment of the unspoken turmoil that lingered between you.

"Hey," he greeted casually, his tone betraying none of the curiosity that you knew lay beneath the surface.

"Hey," you replied, trying to keep your voice steady despite the butterflies that churned in your stomach.

Sarah gave you a supportive pat on the back before slipping away, leaving you to face JJ alone. You watched her go with a sense of gratitude, knowing that you would need her support now more than ever.

Turning back to JJ, you braced yourself for the inevitable questions that would follow. But as you met his gaze, you couldn't help but feel a glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, you could navigate this minefield of emotions without causing too much damage.

JJ's casual demeanor belied the intensity of his curiosity as he lounged on the couch, his gaze fixed on you expectantly. "So, where did you end up crashing after the party?" he asked, his tone casual yet tinged with a hint of curiosity.

You felt a twinge of panic shoot through you at JJ's question, scrambling to come up with a believable lie to cover your tracks. "Oh, uh, I just crashed at a friend's place nearby," you replied, hoping your voice sounded convincing enough.

JJ raised an eyebrow, clearly not entirely convinced by your answer. "Which friend?" he pressed, his gaze searching yours for any sign of deception.

You racked your brain for a name, any name, that might sound plausible in this situation. "Um, Sarah's friend," you improvised, hoping JJ wouldn't see through your hastily concocted lie.

JJ nodded slowly, seemingly satisfied with your response. "Alright, cool," he said, his tone casual as he leaned back against the couch. "Just making sure you didn't end up sleeping on the beach or something."

You let out a nervous laugh, relieved that JJ seemed to buy your explanation. "Nope, nothing like that," you replied, trying to sound nonchalant despite the guilt that still gnawed at you from the events of the previous night.

After a moment of silence, JJ turned to you, his expression serious yet tinged with a hint of vulnerability. "Hey, y/n, can we talk for a moment?" he asked, his voice soft yet filled with a sense of urgency.

You nodded, a knot forming in your stomach as you braced yourself for whatever JJ had to say. "Of course, JJ. What's on your mind?" you replied, trying to keep your voice steady despite the unease that churned within you.

JJ hesitated for a moment, as if struggling to find the right words. "I know this might sound silly, but... I couldn't help but notice that you've seemed a bit off lately," he admitted, his gaze searching yours for any sign of understanding.

Your heart skipped a beat at JJ's words, a surge of panic rising within you as you wondered what he had noticed. "What do you mean?" you asked, trying to keep your tone casual despite the fear that coiled in the pit of your stomach.

JJ sighed, running a hand through his hair in frustration. "I don't know, it's just... you've been distant, and I worry about you," he confessed, his voice trailing off as he struggled to articulate his thoughts.

You swallowed hard, trying to push down the rising tide of guilt that threatened to consume you. "I'm sorry, JJ. I didn't mean to worry you," you replied, your voice tinged with regret.

After a moment of silence, JJ's voice cut through the air, his tone gentle yet filled with concern. "Y/n, I need to ask you something, and I want you to be honest with me. Is this about Rafe?"

You tensed up at JJ's question, your heart pounding in your chest as you stared at him in shock. How could he have possibly known? Your mind raced as you struggled to come up with a response, your thoughts spiraling out of control.

"Uh... I..." you stammered, your voice faltering as you searched for the right words to say.

JJ's expression softened, his gaze steady as he waited patiently for your answer. "Y/n, you can tell me," he said gently, his voice filled with empathy. "I just want to help."

You felt a surge of emotions welling up inside you – guilt, fear, uncertainty. How could you possibly explain the tangled mess of feelings that had been swirling around inside you ever since that day Rafe had shown up at the chateau looking for Sarah?

You shrugged off JJ's concern, trying to downplay the significance of his question. "Nah, JJ, you're overthinking it," you replied, forcing a casual tone despite the turmoil brewing inside you. "It's nothing, really."

JJ studied you for a moment, his gaze searching yours for any sign of deception. "Are you sure?" he asked, his tone cautious yet persistent.

You nodded quickly, plastering on a reassuring smile. "Yeah, JJ, I'm sure," you insisted, hoping he would drop the subject.

"I just... worry you have feelings for him still. I can't just forget the history you two had." He stared over at you, although you avoided his gaze intently.

You felt a knot tighten in your stomach at JJ's words, his concern striking a nerve deep within you. "JJ, come on," you replied, your voice tinged with frustration. "That's ancient history. I'm over him, I promise."

But even as the words left your mouth, you couldn't shake the lingering doubts that gnawed at you from the inside out. No matter how hard you tried to convince yourself otherwise, there was still a part of you that couldn't let go of the past – of the memories, the feelings, the connection that had once bound you to Rafe.

You could sense the persistence in JJ's tone, his concern unwavering despite your attempts to brush it off. "Y/n, I just want you to know that you can tell me anything," he said earnestly, his eyes searching yours with genuine care. "I'm here for you, no matter what."

But the weight of JJ's words only served to intensify the turmoil brewing inside you, a tempest of guilt, fear, and uncertainty that threatened to consume you whole. "Damn it, JJ!" you snapped, unable to contain the frustration that boiled over within you. "I said I'm fine, okay? I don't need you interrogating me like this."

JJ recoiled slightly at your outburst, his expression a mixture of surprise and hurt. "Y/n, I'm not trying to interrogate you," he protested, his voice tinged with hurt. "I'm just worried about you."

You felt a pang of guilt shoot through you at the sight of JJ's wounded expression, knowing that you had lashed out at him unfairly. Taking a deep breath, you tried to reign in your emotions, but the turmoil still churned inside you like a stormy sea.

"JJ, you don't need to worry," you said firmly, trying to regain control of the conversation. "I appreciate your concern, I really do, but I can't function with you harping on about a relationship that doesn't exist anymore," you affirmed although you knew you were lying through your teeth.

Your words hung heavy in the air, the weight of them pressing down on both of you like a lead blanket. You could see the hurt in JJ's eyes, a flicker of pain that mirrored your own inner turmoil.

"I didn't mean to upset you, y/n," JJ replied, his voice soft with remorse. "I just... I care about you, and I don't want to lose you."

You sighed, the tension in your shoulders easing slightly as you softened towards JJ's genuine concern. "I know, JJ, and I appreciate that," you said, your voice tinged with sincerity. "But you have to trust me when I say that I'm okay. I've moved on from whatever was between me and Rafe."

JJ nodded slowly, seeming to accept your words even as doubt lingered in his eyes. "Okay, y/n," he said quietly, his voice tinged with uncertainty. "I trust you."

As you glanced over at JJ once more, a pang of guilt washed over you like a tidal wave. You knew deep down that you weren't being completely honest with him. The truth gnawed at you, clawing at the corners of your mind, begging to be set free. But you couldn't bring yourself to do it – couldn't bring yourself to admit the tangled mess of emotions that still lingered between you and Rafe.

The guilt weighed heavily on your shoulders, a heavy burden that threatened to suffocate you with every passing moment. You knew that JJ shouldn't trust you around Rafe – not after everything that had happened, not after the way your heart still ached at the mere thought of him. But you couldn't bear to hurt JJ – couldn't bear to see the hurt and betrayal reflected in his eyes.

He was more than just a friend to you – he was your confidant, your partner in crime, the one person you could always count on to be there for you, no matter what. And the thought of losing that – of losing him – was too much to bear.

So you pushed aside your guilt, burying it deep beneath the surface where no one could see. You plastered on a smile, hoping to mask the turmoil that churned inside you like a stormy sea. And as you sat beside JJ, surrounded by the warmth of his friendship and the comfort of the chateau, you couldn't help but feel a sense of sadness wash over you – a sadness born of the secrets you were forced to keep and the lies you had to tell to protect the ones you loved.

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