quirkcounselor-asuka - Tumblr blog

quirkcounselor-asuka · 4 years

Text

[Case number: OP-0166255-550 Examination recording number: N/A Physician/Psychiatrist: Asuka, Ayumu Recording date: Thursday, March 19th Recording time: 1:30 pm] @v-overhaul

[Morning hits and sunlight smacks hard against his blood-shot eyes, illuminating just how much of a headache Chisaki has from the drugs injected into him the night before. He wakes up uncomfortable, as usual. No memories of the previous evening immediately come to mind - things tend to blur together when one is forcibly given painkillers and walked between the same two rooms every day. Chisaki wishes the sunlight would fade, it’s painful where it hits his eyes and he’s already had enough of it. When they first brought him here he used to cherish the few rays that filtered in through the tiny, barred window, but now they’re just like everything else in this place. They hurt.

Chisaki wriggles into a sitting position with a groan. Everything is so much harder without his arms. The bastards seeing to him said there would be the chance of prosthetics but he's seen no such proof of that yet. He grits his teeth as he swings his legs off the bed. It feels awful to be so weak, so pitiful. He's not been at the mercy of another since her and he swore it would never happen again.

But then-

That exceptional boy-hero. Eri. The League of Villains and their demented leader-

Kai swallows. Panic creeps in so easily these days. Even the thought of Shi- of that man turn his stomach. He tries not to think of him as he sits and waits for whatever will be thrown at him today.]

[Eventually... the door starts to unlock. It's a deep and unsettling sound in the cell, loud and harsh clicks and a quieter whirling as the mechanisms that kept Chisaki locked inside were undone, one by one. After the very last padlock was done, there was a rush of movement as two guards suddenly burst into the room, faces shadowed and glaring.

They storm towards the bed, each grabbing hold of him, vicelike grips digging first around what's left of his arm, and then into his shoulder. Then they each take a turn, one striking him hard in the gut with a balled fist and then the other, smirking and laughing as they did. Then, once they were finally satisfied with this brief and cruel show of violence, they haul the man up like he's nothing, so roughly it's obvious they want him to know he's nothing, and they drag him out without a word or a care.

Outside the room, two more guards, both holding guns and sneering at the sight of him. With their prisoner in tow, they lead him down the quiet hall, occasionally exchanging words or tossing a casual insult. They bring him down a few floors, and then into a white room, a wide one with a door on either side and a massive pane of glass cutting the room in half. This is when Chisaki is tossed to the floor and the door is slammed shut behind him.

He's left alone for a moment.

Then, on the other side of the glass, the adjacent door is opened. A figure steps inside, smiling politely as they haul in a chair and sit down as close to the glass as possible, looking at him in curiosity before brightening up all the more.]

AYUMU: Hello Chisaki-san...! [It's brutal, but at least it's quick. There are some guards, those who proclaim they 'ain't none too fond of people who pick on little kids', who like to take their time in beating the shit out of him. Some of them spit on him. He's learned to stop fighting back, they only continue if he lashes out. Chisaki barely has time to bring air back into his winded body before he's tossed into the interview room like a sack of shit and drops heavily to the floor.

With no arms to catch his fall, his shoulder takes the brunt. Chisaki groans under his breath and rolls onto his back, squinting at the bright lights dotted along the ceiling. At least he's not in the lab today. They'll just be poking around in his head, rather than his flesh, and he's somewhat relieved.

When he hears someone call his name, he sits up and turns his head to look at them. Immediately, his face screws up with disgust. Right. This idiot.

He crosses his legs and pointedly stares at the floor, silent.] [Asuka only pouts at him when their greeting isn't returned. It rarely ever is, but they can't help but hope that one day...

Ah, well.]

AYUMU: How are you today, Chisaki-san? You're looking much better today! [they say, though they always seem to be saying that. In truth, Chisaki always wears some sort of damage on him, always decorated in bruises and healing cuts. It's a tragic sight, how clearly tortured the man is.]

AYUMU: Are you ready to begin or would you like a moment?

[Chisaki glares at them. He stays silent.] [They pout. So difficult.]

AYUMU: ... Okay, we can take a moment. I understand this week has been really hard... It must be nice to get a moment of peace with a friend, right? So we can stay like this for a bit.

[They make a show of getting comfortable in their chair, displaying the actions in the same way one would mime for a young child. Then they flash another smile.]

AYUMU: I can get you a chair if you ask for one, too. I'm sure the floor is uncomfortable? [It's a feeble attempt to get on his good side. Chisaki doesn't have a fucking good side.]

CHISAKI: A 'friend'. [They smile sheepishly.]

AYUMU: Yes? [Chisaki scoffs and wrinkles his nose. Pathetic. But, he might as well drag this conversation out for as long as possible, he's only got his cell and a potential beating to get back to.]

CHISAKI: Lucky me. The floor is fine.

[He rolls his bruised shoulder around in the socket, wincing at the pain that radiates across his back. That'll leave a lovely bruise, one more for the collection.]

CHISAKI: What do you want? [Their smile turns bright as he responds. They knew that little friendly comment would get to him in one way or another... If only it didn't take such a thing to get him talking.]

AYUMU: I just want to check up on you, Chisaki-san. Make sure you're okay. Know how you're feeling. Same as ever, you know? I worry.

[They watch him carefully, expression turning more serious.]

AYUMU: You're hurting...

CHISAKI: No shit. If you're that concerned then have a talk with your attack dogs.

[Chisaki narrows his eyes at Asuka. They're dedicated to playing good cop, huh? Presumably they want something from him. They're only ever nice to him when they want something. He feels a lump rise in his throat and the seeds of panic take root in the pit of his stomach.]

CHISAKI: I feel like shit. What do you expect?

[Chisaki speaks very matter of factly. Bored. Like he's reading a shopping list.]

CHISAKI: Are you going to kill me soon? Dragging this out is so dull. AYUMU: Kill you...?

[It's then that they slowly pull free a small pad of paper from their jacket, withdrawing a pen next. They open to a new page and jot down Chisaki's name and the date before they continue.]

AYUMU: Why ever would you think we would kill you...? [Chisaki huffs and lays back flat on the floor. He starts idly doing leg raises as he speaks. It's best to keep fit, if there's even the slightest chance of escape then he'll need to be in good enough health to run.]

CHISAKI: Because I'm a waste of resources, time and money. It seems more sensible to clean up a mistake. Bleach it out of existence.

[He turns his head to look at Asuka and narrows his eyes.]

CHISAKI: Unless you want something from me, that is. I presume that's the case, but I'm struggling to figure out what it is. [Asuka tries to keep a small laugh at bay, but it's hard to keep themselves from giggling just a little. It's almost adorable, the way he huffs to himself.]

AYUMU: Do you consider every human life that isn't dedicated to some cause or another a waste of resources? Because if so, that's very reductive...

[They jot that down as well. That clear disregard for others, the... quite plainly, fascinating way that his own wellbeing is just as easily shed as the people he encounters. The fact that he lacks so much empathy that he struggles to understand that someone could simply sympathize wth him, just for existing...]

AYUMU: Would it make you happier if I wanted something more? CHISAKI: 'Happier'?

[Chisaki sneers and sets his leg back on the floor.]

CHISAKI: The only things that you could do that would make me happy would be to let me go or take me out back and shoot me between the eyes.

[This existence is tantamount to torture for him. Purposeless, pathetic, he's undoubtedly the bottom of the food chain in this place. He clenches his stomach muscles and eases himself into a standing position so that he can move across the small space between them to the pane of glass. Little pustules have started to sprout along his cheekbone, a clear sign that he is getting stressed. And too, a clear sign that his quirk is still alive in him somewhere, with no way of bursting free.]

CHISAKI: But it wouldn't serve your purpose to do either of those, would it? So why don't you tell me the point of all these absurd tests?

[Chisaki grits his teeth, thinking of the undignified way the doctors working on him have him stripped and cut open and bled like a pig.]

CHISAKI: Why won't anyone tell me? AYUMU: What is there to tell?

[Is he perceptive or paranoid? Asuka takes that moment to try and decide as they watch him pace, looking sad. It's one of the sadder sights in the field, they think. Watching a prisoner drive themselves mad inside their cages, pacing like animals in a zoo. The hives are worse. If they keep up, they think, they might have to find a way to tranquilize him, and they don't want that. That would cause for another delay, and they are tired, so tired of how long this all was taking.]

AYUMU: Have you considered that we want to help you? That we want you to be better? That, maybe, all this unpleasantness is all going to be worth something in the future? [They huff.] You stew in so much negativity... you expect so much wrong, you can't see what's right in the world, that's the thing that's killing you, not us.

[They sigh again.]

AYUMU: I try to talk to you. You push me away. How can you be expect to be told anything if you can't seem to handle a simple conversation? [The levied accusation makes Chisaki's eye twitch. He can handle whatever they through at him, he just thinks these pitiful conversations about feelings are utterly pointless. They don't care, they can't possibly care, they just want information from him. They want something from him but he can't figure it out and it's driving him crazy.

Utterly crazy.

He continues to stare at Asuka with wide, bloodshot eyes.]

CHISAKI: Fine. Then talk. AYUMU: ...

[They don't answer for a moment, forcing the room into silence for a few seconds.]

AYUMU: ... I've noticed you suffer from psychosomatic symptoms... [they start slowly.] When you're stressed, you break out. This stresses you out, does it not...? Why? [Chisaki doesn't stop staring at them. He turns his body to face them.]

CHISAKI: Because I don't like talking about something as pointless as feelings. I don't understand why it's necessary for my jailer to know if I got my delicate little feelings hurt. I don't trust you. I don't trust why the fuck you need to know those things about me.

[He's almost hissing at them by the time he pauses for breath.

The hives aren't from the stress alone. They're the product of his quirk, worsened by the fact that it cannot be unleashed. Chisaki can feel it boiling beneath his skin, dormant, but certainly still there.]

CHISAKI: They're worse because my quirk isn't functioning properly. AYUMU: ... I am not your jailer. I am your therapist. And because I am such, your feelings are important to me. I don't want you to suffer here, and if you are suffering I can help you get better treatment if and when you cooperate with me. I'm not asking for your trust...

[Though, they are. They really are. They ache for it, that coveted vulnerability that seems rarer and rarer with every moment and every session.]

AYUMU: I'm just asking for you to let me help you. That's all.

[Asuka nods slowly, then writes that down in their pad.]

AYUMU: I had no idea, though... thank you. Can you please tell me more about your quirk and how that's affected you...?

[Therapist, huh? What a bunch of utter bullshit they're spouting. All that talk of care and trust and help, he doesn't believe it for a second. Chisaki has put his trust in Trojan horses once before and stamped its hooves on his life's work. But, he could play along for a little while, it might be to his benefit. He can tailor his responses, reveal nothing important, maybe feign a little emotion if that's what they want.

His face is pulled tight when he takes a seat on the floor again. He sighs.]

CHISAKI: It's called- it's called Overhaul.

[That name seems so sour now.]

CHISAKI: The activation point is- was my hands. I can still feel it there but-

[Chisaki frowns. He looks down at his stumps and clenches his jaw. They couldn't be happy with his research, his dreams, his syndicate, oh no. There was a final blow needed.]

CHISAKI: But there's no way for me to get it out anymore. Not properly. [Another slow nod as they write it down. Basic information. The heroes had found out his quirk on their own, and they had access to every bit of that information they'd gathered during that particular mission. But it's nice to hear it in his own words.]

AYUMU: It's always complicated when a quirk's use is so entwined with one's health... [they murmur, more for themselves than for him.] Do you feel your quirk often? What does this all feel like to you, having it...

[They search for the words.]

AYUMU: ...having it prohibited from you so...? [They're taking notes. What are they writing about him?

Chisaki's eye twitches again.]

CHISAKI: I feel it all the time. Having it linger inside me without being able to use it doesn't feel pleasant. If I could access it, I could fix myself. It's...frustrating.

[He furrows his brows and slumps over himself with another huff. This is pointless conversation.]

CHISAKI: Being stuck like this is frustrating. AYUMU: Mm...

[As he continues, they scrawl in their pen. Possibility of restricted quirk use following thorough rehabilitation?

They wonder if it's possible. The commission doesn't tell them everything, but they've had more than a few glimpses of their plans. They know what's been done and they know what's to come. They know that Chisaki has been deemed utterly unredeemable, more or less anyway, and that they plan to use him for their own purposes as much as they possibly could with little to no mercy attached. They know, with all the commission's studies of extraction and implantation, and with every quirk scientist in the country absolutely rushing to achieve a fraction of everything All for One has accomplished, that there is something that could be done here, not just to help hero society, but to help Chisaki too.

It's a little naive, they know. They are fully aware of every crime the villain before them has committed. It may not be possible, it may be too late to sow even a single seed of good within him. But they do want to try.

At the very least, they do want to inch them closer to where he's meant to be. ...

Lost in thought, they glance upwards towards him again.]

AYUMU: Do you feel broken, Chisaki-san?... [What a question. An intrusive, unwanted, ridiculous question. To think that someone like him could possibly be broken? What are they writing? What are they writing?! His expression turns strained. He hasn't been broken down and he hasn't lost, not yet. Sure, his research, his men, his quirk, his arms, all might have been taken from him but- but he'll get them back. He can fix this, definitely, definitely. It isn't over until he says it is. He's the boss, he's-

Somewhere in his noisy thoughts, he begins to tremble. The seeds of panic feel like they're sprouting, blossoming along the inside of his guts and up his throat, making it difficult to breathe. It is a sad state of affairs that he should find himself acting like a simpering child, but the feeling is not something he can stop - and believe him, he's tried to eradicate it.]

CHISAKI: N-no, I-

[Chisaki's breath quickens. He reaches up to grip his face but phantom hands cannot touch the living. His stomach pitches unpleasantly and he feels acid burn the back of his throat.]

CHISAKI: I- no, I don't feel-

[He drags in a shaky breath]

CHISAKI: I feel dirty. [They want to hold him. It almost hurts to have this glass seperating them, when he's already so harmless anyway, so that they could comfort him properly. No one deserves to be this lost, to drown in their thoughts in isolation like this.]

AYUMU: ...

[The next question is cruel, they know. Such a loaded phrase clearly carries a bloody history with it. But they can't keep from letting it fall from their mouths anyway.]

AYUMU: Why? [Asuka asks quietly.] Why would you feel dirty...? [Chisaki grits his teeth and looks up at them. His eyes sting. He wants to curl over himself as a form of protective comfort but his pride doesn't allow such a shameful action in front of this therapist.]

CHISAKI: Because there's filth everywhere. Always, can't- can't get to stay off. People don't see it, they don't see they're teeming with rot.

[The ever-present voice in the back of his mind tells him he's filthy, filthy and failing, disappointing, a worthless rotten little beast of a child-

With his chin jut out in a pointless attempt at defiance, Chisaki continues complaining. He ignores that he's started to cry.]

CHISAKI: I want a sh-shower! Or a bath. I want to get c-clean and no-one will let me!

[Such mundane, petty complaints. They're easier to address than the things stuffed deep inside, locked away, hidden.] AYUMU: ...

[Gently, Asuka eases down from their chair. They lower themselves to the floor, inching closer to the glass, placing a hand against it as they watch the tears drip down the broken man before them's cheeks. They take the sight in, wondering how rare it is, coveting it quietly like a precious jewel.]

AYUMU: Chisaki-san... I don't think you're filthy... [they murmur carefully, meaning every word.] I don't think you're rotten either. And I want to help you, okay? I want to help you...

[Their fingers move along the glass somewhat. If they could wipe his tears away, they would.]

AYUMU: I'll talk to someone for you. We can get you a shower, or a bath, whichever... okay? I'll help you feel clean again, okay? [Chisaki rubs his face against his shoulder to scrub some of the tears away. Silly signs of weakness, they fall unbidden, without his consent. He grinds his teeth, hissing through them as Asuka continues to talk.]

CHISAKI: Why the fuck would you do that? Why would someone like you want to help me?

[There's bitterness in his voice as he spits at the therapist. They don't care about his wants or comfort, why would they?]

CHISAKI: Th-this pathetic attempt to get on my good side...

[Chisaki laughs mirthlessly]

CHISAKI: I don't have a good side, I fucking hate you. All of you.

[He's getting more and more stressed, and the hives on his face spread. Without his realisation, the bandages covering his stumps start to shred.] [So focused on his expression and the way his hives grow to cover it, they almost don't notice at first.]

AYUMU: I don't care that you hate me, Chisaki... [they assure relentlessly, starting to speak over all the hateful words that leave him.] And if you wanted to hurt me, I wouldn't care either. Even if you tried to kill me, I'd still be trying to help you. Because I want to care for you! I want to do more for you than any of the people who turned you into this ever did. You don't have to be scared. It's okay... [They are insufferable. Their words are insufferable. Chisaki grinds his teeth so loudly he can hear the sound grating around his skull.]

CHISAKI: Scared...[How dare they? How fucking dare they?!] I'm not scared, you little idiot.

[Chisaki gets to his feet and skulks closer to them, eyes wide with anger.]

CHISAKI: Why do you people insist on pushing your care onto people who don't want it? I don't want your pathetic attempts at help. [If it weren't for the protective glass and the convenience of their quirk, they would have been alarmed by the way he suddenly surges forward. As it is, they only look at him with blinking eyes as Chisaki approaches.]

AYUMU: B-- because I--

[They stop short suddenly. Because, now that Chisaki's closer, they can see it. His arms are in view now and right before their eyes, the bandages are actually, literally tearing themselves to pieces. Panic and a violent sense of wonder suddenly seizes them.

Is his quirk evolving-!?

Oh, it's fascinating! It's perfect. This- this makes Overhaul viable! This means progress can happen!!

This also means Asuka could be in more danger than they'd already suspected.

Better handle this fast. Hoping the shock hasn't entered their expression, Asuka smiles to Chisaki in reassurance, holding up a hand in a calm show of surrender as the other slips into her pocket, finding a small remote with a button they press to alert the guards with. This session will have to end sooner than they'd hoped.]

AYUMU: Okay... Chisaki-san, it's okay. If you want to be done, we're done here, I won't say anything anymore. Please calm down... [Chisaki heaves in a breath as increasingly violent tremors run along the length of his spine. He's utterly furious and this stupid fucking bitch isn't listening to him. 'Calm down', like it's that easy. 'It's okay', like it's that goddamn simple to feel fine and dandy.

His eyes bulge in their sockets. Pops always said he had an awful temper.]

CHISAKI: We're not fucking done. I want to know why I'm being kept here. I want to know what the fuck all those experiments are for! I'm not your guinea pig!

[The irony is unfortunately lost on him.]

CHISAKI: Tell me!

[Chisaki is utterly seething as he approaches the glass, so distracted he barely notices the state of his bandages. Asuka remains calm, still muttering platitudes and 'calm down'. His jaw clenches tight and his face turns a violent shade of red as his anger boils over.]

CHISAKI: I will not calm down!

[He thwacks a stump against the glass without much though, hissing through his teeth at the nervous therapist on the other side. Without warning, the glass cracks. Spidery fractals splinter outward from the point where he rested the stump of his arm, not breaking it completely, but enough to cause a few pieces of glass to fall at his feet. Chisaki stumbles backwards, making a noise of alarm.]

CHISAKI: W-w- [The damage itself is small. But it's terrifying. Asuka scrambles further away from the glass, eyes wide, thoughts spinning, theorizing, trying to access the situation as quickly as they could. They watch Chisaki staggering back, realizing what they've done, and in an instant they're spinning around, facing one of the cameras staring their way.]

ASUKA: Security!!

[In an instant, the alarms blare with red light. The door bursts open. Guards pour into the room, lunging at Chisaki, bringing him down hard. Needles appear to jab deep into his skin, syringes full of suppressants, of tranquilizers, anything and everything to keep him down.

On the other side, a similar bustle appears as Asuka's own door is thrown open, security rushing to their aid. At their side in a moment, a guard looks at Asuka with a stern sympathy as they help them to their feet and immediately starts to guide them out.

As they do, Asuka spares one last, longing little glance over at Chisaki as he's gathered up into the guards' vice grips again. They hope he'll be okay. They hope the men aren't too harsh on him. And they hope, naively, that one day, maybe, Chisaki will learn to forgive them all for what's bound to happen next.]

#asuka.log

4 notes · View notes

quirkcounselor-asuka · 4 years

Text

[Case number: OP-0090126-337 Examination recording number: 1 Physician/Psychiatrist: Asuka, Ayumu Recording date: Thursday, October 24th Recording time: 6:00 pm] @ua-todoroki

[It takes an especially long time to process Todoroki into the building. He's registered in and a number of people bustle him around, getting signatures, fingerprints, pictures for his ID card. It's a rather homey building, comfortable and soft in a way more reminiscent of a retirement home than a counseling building. Eventually, he's brought into a cushy little room, lined with couches and other furniture.

Barely seconds after he's brought in, Ayumu hurries inside, closing the door quickly behind them.]

AYUMU: Todoroki-kuuuun!! It is very nice to meet you, yes, please get seated and we can get started in a second!

[Shouto's underwater through it all.

He doesn't really hear what he's being told. It gets muddled and lost. He mindlessly does what he thinks he has to, goes where he guesses he's supposed to. His slowness isn't thoughtful, it's the opposite. He can't think and it's making everything worse, like the waters found a way into his head somehow.

Eventually, he's finally somewhere that feels more... solid. Or maybe he was told it was. He's not sure. His head slowly perks up at the sound of a new voice and he looks around for a seat, eventually pulling the closest one closer and sitting.]

SHOUTO: ...

[Finding a desk, Ayumu sets down a small stack of papers they were holding, huffing and sighing with curious delight as they attempt to straighten them for a moment. Then, seeming to decide that they're bored of that, they spin around to look at Todoroki.]

AYUMU: Hello! I'll be your main counselor here, my name is Ayumu Asuka, you can call me - well, whatever you like! I don't really care. This experience, all of this, is about you and what you want. You're pretty much the boss here, okay? I'm just here to be your guide during this journey!

[They sit down on a chair, drawing it closer to Todoroki and smiling brightly.]

AYUMU: Do you have any questions? For me, about me and my work, maybe about the process? Or anything, you can ask about the sky if you really want to.. Up to you! Today's more an introductionary day, anyway, so~

[He watches and listens with a blank expression and dull eyes, not able to bring himself to actually care about what they're saying or doing.]

SHOUTO: ... I don't know. [He shrugs.] Barely know what's happening.

AYUMU: Oh! This is your first day of your villain preventation course! It's a form of rehabilitation but, like, before you're convicted of any crimes, pretty much.

[They smile at him for a moment.]

AYUMU: Do you know what day it is? Are you aware of who and where you are?

SHOUTO: ... Great... [He mumbles, dropping his head.] Yeah.

AYUMU: [A small nod.] You weren't looking forward to this day, I take it.

SHOUTO: Why would I.

AYUMU: It doesn't have to be a negative experience, Todoroki-kun. It's an opportunity to change and learn, that could be a very good thing!

SHOUTO: It's villain rehabilitation. [He snaps.] Do you know who my father is.

AYUMU: [A blink.] Of course I do...?

SHOUTO: He's going to kill me for this.

AYUMU: [A tilt of their head.] Literally or figuratively?

SHOUTO: ... [He drops his head further.]

AYUMU: ...? [They wait patiently for a moment.]

SHOUTO: ... I don't know.

AYUMU: If you're in danger, you can be protected...

SHOUTO: N-no... [He shakes his head.] No it's fine...

AYUMU: Hmmm... [They lean back to retrieve some of their papers from their desk.] Does asking for help scare you?

SHOUTO: [He shrugs.] ...

AYUMU: Well, you're obviously scared of something. Your father, obviously... [They drop the papers into their lap.] If you want to talk about him, we can. Or we can move on!

SHOUTO: [Another shrug.] ...

AYUMU: [They smile vaguely.] Mmmmmhm...

AYUMU: ... Do you consider your father to be the worst person in your life?

SHOUTO: Yes.

AYUMU: Worse than any villain?

SHOUTO: ... Yes.

AYUMU: [They sit back, almost looking impressed.] Huh...

SHOUTO: What.

AYUMU: Have you interacted with a lot of villains before? I know you've been involved in a few cases, as a hero, as... et cetera...

SHOUTO: Yes. I have. ...

AYUMU: Any of them make a lasting impression?

SHOUTO: ... Yeah.

AYUMU: ... Like?

SHOUTO: ... [He thinks for a moment.] Um... there's one.

AYUMU: Yes...? [After a second.] Oh, you don't have to name names if that makes you more comfortable!

SHOUTO: ... It's fine.. he.. [He shrinks.] He's targeted me.. directly... for a while... it's not really....

AYUMU: ... Not really what?

SHOUTO: I don't know... public... part of my job...

AYUMU: ... What does that mean? I'm a little confused...

SHOUTO: ... He's been stalking and harrassing me.

AYUMU: [They frown at that.] Oh... That's terrible...

SHOUTO: .. It's been going on for a long time.

AYUMU: About how long?

SHOUTO: ... Months. I don't know. At least six or seven. Maybe more. Can't remember.

AYUMU: [A sad nod.] That's really terrible... I'm so sorry.

SHOUTO: It's fine.

AYUMU: ... Is that the worst of it, then? This villian and your father?

SHOUTO: ... What do you mean..

AYUMU: I mean, when you think of the evil you've encountered in your life, would you think of those two especially? Have they made the biggest impact on you?

SHOUTO: ... Yeah.

AYUMU: And have you ever felt like you've... changed? Perhaps after everything that's happened to you... Do you ever feel like you’ve been affected in ways you can't really stop?

SHOUTO: ... [He nods, slowly at first.] Yes...

AYUMU: Like how? No judgements...

SHOUTO: ... I'm a sex addicted maniac.

AYUMU: Maniac? That's an interesting word to call yourself...

SHOUTO: Is it.

AYUMU: Why do you use it?

SHOUTO: Because it's what I am.

AYUMU: [They pout at him a little.] 'Maniac' implies you're out of control, all over the place... Is that how you feel?

SHOUTO: Yes.

AYUMU: Would you say that's why you're here?

SHOUTO: Yeah.

AYUMU: I see! [They nod thoughtfully.] Have you ever thought violently on top of that? Or acted out on violent thoughts you've had?

SHOUTO: Why do you think I'm here.

AYUMU: [They grin cheekily at him.] I think you're here because someone made you be here. And because you're a sex-addicted maniac, apparently. You can be crazy about sex without being crazy about violence, can't you?

SHOUTO: [He shrugs.]

AYUMU: So would you consider yourself addicted to violence? Or no? Maybe it's more a means to a end, or maybe... [They gesture a little.] More of a guilty pleasure, something that feels almost as good as sex. Any of these sound close?

SHOUTO: ... Yeah. Kind of.

AYUMU: Which one?

SHOUTO: The last one... I guess.

AYUMU: Reeeeally? Huh... [They nod thoughtfully.] Is that why you want to be a hero? Because you still want to be, right?

SHOUTO: I do. But that's not why.

AYUMU: Oh, good! Well, I'm glad that's not the reason, haha. Why do you want to be a hero?

SHOUTO: [He shrugs. Again.] Because I can't see myself doing anything else.

AYUMU: Sooo.... it's not that you want to be, it's that you feel you have to be?

SHOUTO: I guess.

AYUMU: Hmmm... [Crossing their legs, they start going through the papers on their lap.] What feels better to you, saving people or sex?

SHOUTO: .. Um. [He knows the answer.] ... I... uh..

AYUMU: [They smile a little knowingly but otherwise stay silent, letting him fumble.]

SHOUTO: ... I don't.. know. [He looks away.]

AYUMU: Of course... [They nod a little.] Must be hard, confusing.... you're obviously dealing with a lot...

SHOUTO: ... Yeah...

AYUMU: You're not alone in this, okay? [They smile.] I promise. There are plenty of heroes with bad thoughts or impulses, or have even done some wrong in their life. But that doesn't mean they can't change. Do you want to stay like this forever?

SHOUTO: [He grits his teeth.] No. I don't.

AYUMU: [They go :O] ... Then don't you think maybe it's not the worst thing in the world that you're here? Besides the dad thing, I mean.

SHOUTO: I shouldn't have to be here.

AYUMU: What would you rather?

SHOUTO: I'd rather be fine on my own.

AYUMU: Yeah, I bet we all would rather that, huh? But on your own, well, you're some sort of maniac, so...

SHOUTO: ... [He sighs. >:/]

AYUMU: [>:3] I'm just saying, you're here for a reason. You might have had reasons for doing what you did, really good ones, but you still did it and that's what landed you here. I don't really know if you get that?

SHOUTO: I get why I'm here.

AYUMU: [They just pout at him in response.] Then why be so difficult?

SHOUTO: Because I don't want to be.

AYUMU: Huuuh... That's just going to keep you in a place like this longer...

SHOUTO: I can get better anyways.

AYUMU: Oh, so you actually plan to? Get better?

SHOUTO: Yes?

AYUMU: Well! That's a relief to hear! [They clap once.] Sometimes it's hard to tell with you what you're thinking and feeling. You're very closed off. Have you been like that your whole life?

SHOUTO: ... Yeah.

AYUMU: Why, do you think? Does it feel safer?

SHOUTO: I guess.

AYUMU: Is there anyone you've ever really opened up to...? Maybe in your past or maybe one of your friends?

SHOUTO: Kind of. [He shrugs.] Not a lot.

AYUMU: Would you rather it be a different way? Or are you more... content with this sort of arrangement?

SHOUTO: I don't know. I guess I wish I could.

AYUMU: [They smile softly at that, tilting their head a little.] Why don't you try a little? Maybe you can reach out to someone in your life, tell them a little more about yourself? It doesn't have to be about the bad things...

SHOUTO: I don't know what I'd say.

AYUMU: Well, what do you like?

SHOUTO: Um... [He blinks.] Sex. ... [He looks away, knowing that shouldn't have been the first thing out of his mouth.] I read sometimes.

AYUMU: [They try (and fail) to suppress a little giggle.] Of course... What do you like to read?

SHOUTO: Manga, when I can get it.. Books are good, too...

AYUMU: Oh? Maybe you can reach out to your classmates, see what they like to read? That could be a good conversation starter...

SHOUTO: Maybe.

AYUMU: Or maybe something else... Anything else. Even sex, if you wanna start with that, if that's easier for you... [They nod.] I think to start you really need to learn to reconnect with the things around you. With people, good people, with society... You know! Get more of a sense of what's normal for people...

SHOUTO: ... Yeah. [He looks down, suddenly sad.] I've never connected with people well, though.

AYUMU: ... No? [Expression falling, they look at him for a moment, trying to think a way past his predicament.]... What about your classmates?

SHOUTO: [He shrugs.] Not really. I mean. I guess. Sort of.... but it's never really felt... I dunno. Real.

AYUMU: Really? What would make it feel real to you, then...? Do you know?

SHOUTO: ... No.

AYUMU: ... I see...

SHOUTO: ... I have... a friend.. um... he's kind of like me, I guess. Maybe that's the closest.

AYUMU: Oh? Wanna tell me about him?

SHOUTO: ... I dunno. He's been missing. [He frowns.] He's not really like me at all. I guess he just gets it.

SHOUTO: [:(... Frowning now, they nod in understanding.] ... Well... that makes sense, then. It helps when they understand what you've been through, right?

AYUMU: ... Yeah.

SHOUTO: Well... You have group therapy next... [They look at his schedule.] With a bunch of people your age who are dealing with some of the same things... Maybe you can reach out to them if you can't reach out to your classmates?

SHOUTO: [He shrugs.] Maybe.

AYUMU: Good... I'd really like you to. [They perk up, a childish happiness on their face.] Next time I see you, I want you to be able to tell me about a new friend you made! That's your homework for the week, okay?

SHOUTO: ... Okay.

AYUMU: I also want you to write down any violent or "villainous" thoughts you might have during the week... Maybe about your father or that villain you mentioned, or any bad instances that stick out. We'll talk about that. Try and find some positive thoughts or experiences for every villainous one, ones that you can connect more to being "heroic"! We'll go over all that next time. Sound good?

SHOUTO: ... Yeah.

AYUMU: Good! If you do them both, you'll get a nice reward! [They wink.] Otherwise, I'm sending you off to group, now... Unless you have any questions about today? Any of the things we talked about?

SHOUTO: ... No, I don't... [He starts to stand.]

AYUMU: [They stand with him, smiling to themselves.] Good! Then I'll be seeing you soon, Shouto-kun~ [They give him a little pat on the head, ruffling his hair around.]

SHOUTO: Yeah. [He gives a forced smile at the pat and then steps away to leave.]

AYUMU: [Satisfied with that, they start to return to their desk.] Don't forget everything I've said, Shouto-kun! Good luck!

#todoroki shouto #asuka.log #[[ not sfw btw... ]]

0 notes