Alphabet Challenge

3/26/21

Usually Vincent wins xany yellow

Food Review

3/26/21

The flavoring styles of Gabbie are anything but questionable. If you don't care about calories and portion control she is the person to dine from.

But while Gabbie's cuisine is delightful and tasty, nothing beats the scrumptious feasts of Linda. Linda's food tastes better because she makes it for the community. Time and time again has shown us that quality food pulls at the heart strings when it's made with attention and love. Portion control is non-existent - who needs to count calories when food is your source of happiness?

Free Write

3/26/21

Wow it's been a while since I did some writing practice. We'll skip past the shameful paragraph and just into it.

This is my free write for the next four minutes. All I ever write or talk about is what I need to do and what I'm working on. It never seems like I'm going deep enough. Whatever that means you know? I think I finally know what I want to do with my life. I want to be an artist. I am an artist. I am living the dream. It took me so long to see it but I finally do.

Is there a way for me to describe my feelings without being so literal about them?

Maybe my analytical mind is ruining the moment I was having with myself. I know what I want to do with my life. It's kind of magic to know that you have a bunch of life projects in store and there's no deadline for any of them. As long as I do them, that's all that really matters. Life goes by so quick, I can't wait it wallowing around waiting for something to happen.

I don't know how but these books are unlocking all of the knowledge I needed to get my mind on track and build a solid plan.

The first plan of any plan is learn how to plan what you're planning.

This feels like some awesome advice.

10 Alphabet Exercise

2/11/21

Allocating bananas creates destruction. Entering from Ghana, history indicates jumpy kids learn manipulative noises only...partial results show tantalizing unions via wumbo-communications x-ray...yesterday. Zip away bananas. 

Cease delivery expeditiously. Fatal guns have infiltrated Juniper Kalls. Listen most noble  

Fear - 10 Minute Exercise

2/11/2021

Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, it’s that we’re powerful beyond measure. Is that really true? Have I been lying to myself about the very thing that...stops my life on many occasions?

My biggest fear is actually fulfilling my biggest wish: Being honest and having to deal with the world’s response to that. Whatever that may be. 

But fear. What is fear? If I think about it off the top of my head, I’ve always thought of fear as a feeling that comes and goes whenever triggered. And the feeling that it is, is...paralyzing. 

Wow how do I explain fear? It’s...a feeling that can cause people to act in ways that are considered different than their character. Wow that didn’t explain anything either. 

I can only describe what fear makes me do, not how it makes me feel. 

As I push through things and see myself getting things done, the idea of fear becomes a little smaller, but even so, as it grows smaller, I see how big it truly is and the effect that it has over my life. 

But it’s slowly come to my attention that fear represents itself very clearly in other forms of life besides feeling scared. Right, I’m only equating fear with being scared and there’s not always together. Fear is not knowing how to tackle this writing exercise and searching for other information to read and look at to fill up the time instead of tackling this prompt head on. 

But I’m not making any sense. Well that’s something. I do fear not making any sense. So much so that I can drag on what I want to say for long periods of time and I end up sounding breathy and long winded...just like this sentence. 

Ugh my head. It doesn’t hurt...I’m just annoyed. I’m easily annoyed by things, does this have anything to do with fear? 

Maybe my entire life is ruled by fear. Well that sucks...right? That’s a bad thing right? 

I need a message...why? What do I need a message for? This is just a writing exercise. There is nothing gained or lost from doing this in any particular way. The whole point is to practice. 

Dragons 10 Minute Writing Challenge

2/10/21

“The dragon you’re looking for is orange and purple” said the detective as he handed Stella a wad of cash. “You go in there and you don’t speak to anybody except Marshall Ray you understand?” Stella takes the wad of cash and tucks it into her inner breast pocket. “You know I’m not a little girl right?” 

Stella steps out of the car and swiftly crosses the street into a dark alley. In the alley are doors with different colored dragons painted on the outside. Sounds of leaky pipes dripping with water fill the silence. Soft splashes are heard as Stella walks into mini puddles. Confidently strutting down the alley, Stella finally approaches the door with the orange and purple dragon. 

Right before her knuckles hit the door, it swiftly cracks open a little bit, sucking in some of the night air. From the crack, we see a man peeking through the door wearing blue thin sunglasses. Stella pulls the wad of cash from her chest and the man lets her into the room. 

Animals 10 Minute Exercise

2/10/21

People love animals. I didn’t grow up in a home that loved animals. It’s weird to see people love their pet dogs so much. Many times I’ve been vocal about the foreignness I experience watching people lament and mourn the loss of a pet. Most say it’s the equivalent of the death of a family member. If I ever get a pet that dies, then maybe I’ll understand. I’ve had many pets, but I was never the sole provider for them nor was I there when they died. 

Now that I think about it, I actually had quite a few pets. I had two hamsters and I gave them the whackest names. The first was named...Harold. Harold ran away the first night. He could probably sense the evilness that seeped out of my aunt’s veins. It was weird. I would come around the cage the door would be open...now that I think about it, I wonder if someone was setting the hamster loose on purpose. I don’t know what happened to the first one, but we got another one and I named him Mathew. He was pretty uneventful. I rarely remember playing with the animals or giving them an specific love and care. It was kind of hard with hamsters being so small and they’d run away if I ever held them in my hands. 

Around the fourth grade, my cousin got a black kitten. I don’t know why she got a cat when she’s allergic to them. I wasn’t allergic to cats at the time, but in my older age I’ve become allergic to them. I loved that cat. Her name was Diamond. I remember one of Teresa’s friends adopted Diamond’s brother...I think his name was Diego. Those two cats did not like each other. 

I spent more time with Diamond than with any other pet. We’d play, she’d fall asleep on my butt, I knocked her off the stairs on the second floor a few times, and I would yell at her when she wouldn’t come back in the house. I would scream at the top of my lungs. One time it worked and another time it didn’t. The first time it worked, the second time, it didn’t and my aunt caught me. She wasn’t mad, she was actually laughing and told me that the cat would come inside eventually. And she did. 

That was the good ole days. I have no idea what ever happened to that cat. 

I have flashbacks to cat sitting for a friend of mine. It was harder to feed her cat when I didn’t have any money to get back and forth. I didn’t think about that around the time I agreed to help out. When I asked for reimbursement I was met with hostile energy at first. From one friend. I was brushed off. I was later told I be repaid, but I never received the payment. This was from the parter of the friend. This goes into a different topic of more emotional weight. Best not to proceed. 

10 Minute Exercise - Dreams

2/9/21

I love to dream. It’s one of my most beloved activities. In the past...5 years, I’ve become increasingly more interested in understanding my dreams. Dreams feel like the closest thing to magic for me. Some of my dreams are premonitions, others are analyses of my life, but most of them are reflections of my desires and shit I don’t know. It’s the number one place where I have complete control over what’s going on. Even if I don’t remember it for most of the time. 

I go on journeys, I do what I want, and the best part is that no one would ever know unless I told them. If people were to ever get access to my thoughts and dreams, I would never feel happy or safe in this world. My mind is the one place where privacy belongs to me. 

Every now and then, I’m sparked with motivation to continue my dream exercises. Exercises that either assist with lucid dreaming, astral projection, or dream analysis. thinking about it now, I actually spend long periods of time dedicated to thinking about my dreams. I typically fixate on dreams when certain people pop up in them, i.e. ex crushes. 

I’ll admit, I’ve been pretty whimsical when it comes to spirituality and dreams. Dreams are a fantasy scape that I can’t seem to allow myself to believe is just that and not...something else.  I want there to be truth and meaning; I mean that in every magical and supernatural sense. 

10 Minute Exercise - Food

2/9/21

A homemade Chipotle bowl was what I had for dinner tonight. Last week, I ordered Chipotle via doordash and it was not to my usual standards. I like a loaded bowl. I want everything on it. I want as much food as possible. I was disappointed and ate out of disappointment. Whenever things don’t go my way, I consume the very thing that disappoints me as fast a possible to be rid of it. 

Tonight’s dinner fixed any ill feelings my take out had given me. My bowl had white rice with chopped spinach, sauted veggies including mushrooms, onions, green onions, corn, and red peppers. Add some salsa, guac, sour cream and cheese with a little siracha and badda bing, badda boom, I had my Chipotle bowl. And it was absolutely delicious. I was blown away at how tasty it was. It’s meals like these that make me sad when the food is gone. 

I never know what I’m going to make until my stomach begins to rumble. It’s so lovely having options for food. I also feel fortunate to have the options that I do. The meal I just had had a lot of fixings. Fixings cost money. 

As I’ve been writing this, different thoughts besides food, but related to food popped up. I thought of how “fat” I sounded when I mentioned I get sad when food is gone. And then I thought about money and times when we didn’t have a lot of food when I mentioned how lovely it is to have options. 

Food is such a sensitive subject. So much food in the world and yet not many people have it. How could all of this come from a taco bowl? I guess everything is connected one way or another. 

I might...I will go find something to eat after I finish writing. I can’t help it. I think it’s a habit instead of a survival activity for me. That’s for a different blog for a different time. 

10 Minute Exercise

Drugs and Productivity 

I don’t do coke. I want to but I don’t. I’m already bad with weed, the last thing I need is a stimulant like that. Although I have done...what I have I done? It wasn’t exactly aderall but it was similar to it. I took that shit while I studied for a class I ended up failing anyway. 

Right before doing this writing exercise I took a hit off the bowl. I miss getting high and doing things. I haven’t don’t this in over and year and it’s absolutely lovely. What’s unexpected is the ease that I’m able to smoke. I’m having a great time. 

I haven’t decided where I stand on this yet, but I find myself pushing through to do things while I’m high. I might be slower if I was sober, but the ease at which I work is completely different. I no intention of becoming depending on Mary Jane to help me accomplish tasks, it’s fun to have her tag along. 

Today I’ve worked on my grad school paper, took some notes for planning grad school, I also did some deep self-reflection, it should be loads of fun to read that when I wake up. I also fleshed out everything I needed for my new video upload for tomorrow. 

But to go back to being productive while on drugs...it’s kind of weird. It feels like I’m here but I’m not really here. I don’t know where I go but I know that I have a pretty okay time. It’s weird to realize how much I can accomplish while on drugs. Especially because I know that I can accomplish so much more when I’m not high. 

But while it’s all fun and games right now, I worry what I’m doing to myself doing drugs. What if I lived a life free of drugs, alcohol, and other vices? How would I relieve stress? How would I have a good time? It feels so bold and strange to hear that people get high on life and never use or do anything. Hmm....has me thinking. I don’t think I can stop. This is the exact type of thinking that I need to overcome if I want to live a different type of life...A drug free life. Wow. It’s been while getting used to friends who don’t do drugs. Wow that seems so different. But I’m interested. 

The last thing I want is to ever become dependent on drugs. I want to be happy, determined, hard working, and a whole bunch of other inspirational adjectives as a working professional. 

As of right now, are the drugs that I’m using helping me or hindering me? Or...

Short Story 5 Minute Exercise

2/7/2021

Candles 

Amanda rushed past the staircase and grabbed the nearest candle stick. The flame danced closely to her face making her squint in fear. Her breath is heavy as she quickly tip toes out the door. Looking both ways into the dark vast front lawn, Amanda dashes into the darkness. Behind her, we hear the sound of hooves and growls. The sound of horse carriages stop Amanda dead in her tracks. She looks back at the beast that’s chasing her, holds out her hand and out flashes a blue sparkly light. The beast is incinerated. Amanda picks up her dragging dress and runs towards the horse carriages. She motions for the carriages to stop and is assisted into the carriages before riding off. Back at the house, our heroine, Vanessa, is laying in a pile of broke glass unconscious. 

Letter of Recommendation Exercise

Gabbie’s Letter of Recommendation for Herself 

2/6/21

Gabrielle Bowen is someone you always want front and center. If you put her anywhere else, eyes will follow...So It’s best to put her right in the front. Gabbie, as people commonly refer to her, is a thoughtful individual. Both courteous and introspective, Gabbie will always offer and articulate carefully constructed ideas. Her ability to command attention and respect is an astute quality which she treats humbly.  

Poetry Exercise

5 Minute Exercise

2/6/21

Sand

If there was anything I’m similar to in this world, 

it would be sand. 

A single grain of sand is so...small. 

But with many other grains of sand, 

creates a whole entity. 

In this vast universe and existence, 

I am only but a grain of sand. 

What I think and feel is equivalent to sand blowing in the wind...

Temporary. 

But small doesn’t mean un-impactful. 

5 Minute Expository Exercise

2/5/21

How to Wash Your Face

This is a safe space where all are welcome. From seasoned skin care lovers to newbies, these tips will be effective for you. Skin care is the new craze these days, and it’s easy to get overwhelmed by the options and different regimes available. There is no need for fear, finding the right routine and products can be a little tricky, but this how-to-guide should make it easier for everyone. 

1. Picking your face wash

First you’ll need to figure out what kind of skin do you have. Do you have acne prone skin? Hyperpigmentation? Oily skin? Dry skin? Take some time to really look at and understand the skin on your face. And if you’re capable, see a dermatologist or esthetician and get their opinion. 

Dear Future Self

Please tell me that we change for the better. Tell me that the habits I have right now, I know longer have. I know it’s wrong of me to put so much weight on you for things to go right when it’s all dependent on me. On this day, early February 5, 2021 at 2:45am. I just remember that my friend’s birthday is coming up, but I don’t remember which date. It’s weird knowing so many people with birthdays in February and I never remember the exact dates. I digress...

What I want is for my writing to get better. So much better that it...does unthinkably great things. I don’t write no where near enough. But this is the day that we start writing for at least five minutes. This feels outside the bounds of morning pages, but a little different than a mind dump. Each day, we’ll do something different. Today it’s a letter to my future self, and tomorrow it’ll be something else. 

Other things I want my future self to think about is...CD. Is this still important? I would definitely hope not. Strange as it is, each day, they truly become an idea. But there have been moments recently when the idea almost became a mirage again, and I wanted to throw myself into it. But after a few days, I pulled myself out of it.