questurr - Tumblr blog

questurr · 1 year

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Hello, it’s been a while!

04.13.23

Certainly unsure of who, if anyone, still reads my Tumblr. If you’re here, thank you for caring. Writing was one of my favorite forms of coping, and sadly, it became a talent and comfort I’ve lost over the years. In many ways, I’ve felt lost over the years.

Anyway, here are some random thoughts from today:

It’s been a while since I’ve felt such a heavy heart. Conveying your concerns and hearing the response “that’s not at the top of my priority list right now” is a tough pill to swallow. I just…didn’t think I’d feel this way ever again.

I’ve learned that the statement if they just did “x” every day then they wouldn’t be “y” is an oversimplified slippery slope into toxicity. If they worked a little bit every day, then they wouldn’t be behind, but you ignore that someone’s doing the work of 3 people. If they saved $1 every day, then they wouldn’t be so poor, but you forget that amount is someone’s meal. If they just tried to be a little bit happier every day, then they wouldn’t be so irritable, but you don’t know that getting out of bed was their biggest accomplishment in days.

I’ve been depending on myself to feel beautiful, and I don’t think that’s normal for the position I’m in.

I miss you, and you didn’t even exist for more than 6 months.

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questurr · 4 years

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Hello out there.

05.15.2020 I'm not sure if anyone would read this, or if anyone stops by here anymore. But hello there. I think I left a piece of me where it shouldn't belong.

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questurr · 6 years

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"I'll be okay. And if I'm not, I'll be okay."

08.03.18

For anyone who still reads my posts, thank you for checking in, despite how little I've written.

I've been thinking about life and death quite frequently this past year. There are many things of which I'm not yet ready to share with the world, but here's the gist.

I used to think I was invincible. Despite a very rough adolescence, I like to think that I overcame it by being fiercely dedicated to finally doing things for me. In a way, that explains why I worked so passionately in Circle K International and in all of my jobs. Hamilton the Musical became such a beacon for me because "I want to build something that's gonna outlive me." I've worked so hard to create a legacy.

Then, the appointments came. Then my grandpa passed away. Then more appointments came.

I used to be so worried about break ups, finding love, getting married, being a good mom, finding a career, and growing old.

Now, I'm here wondering how much time I have left. A few years? A decade? Maybe this is what bravery really entails.

I've spent enough time in waiting rooms to think, and I think that if I go, I'll be okay. The only sadness I'll feel is the sadness I'll bring upon my loved ones.

Please don't cry for me. My life has been grand! I'm very proud of all the things I've been able to accomplish. I don't know how much longer I'll have, but I'm satisfied.

"Is it strange for me to say

That if I were to die today

There's not a thing that I would change

I've lived well."

- Eternal Sunshine | Jhene Aiko

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questurr · 6 years

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Sometimes, I wish we could still be together. But I'm here checking your Tumblr always. I hope you're doing well.

Thank you so much for checking up on me through Tumblr and for keeping me in your thoughts ❤️ If you would like to talk, I'm always available through social media.

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questurr · 6 years

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i wish i didnt let you go sometimes

Please don't be afraid to tell me personally.

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questurr · 6 years

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11.07.17 You knew what to say. You always knew what to say. But did you feel the things you said?

I've realized that I harbor so much aggression towards you because I want to block the memories of when you made me feel cherished. On the other hand, our end was met when you ripped apart my dignity, and I was left feeling worthless.

Now, I'm left to wonder if I now compromise my preference of verbal affection for affectionate actions.

But thanks for telling me every morning that I was radiant or that I was beautiful.

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questurr · 7 years

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Food isn't just about what tastes great. You're experiencing someone's love, sacrifice, and dream. Danny, the owner of @thejointcreamery, was willing to take his time to talk to me about the struggles and triumphs he endured to make The Joint Creamery a reality. He makes sure that the menu contains something to fit everyone's taste buds, and that takes fresh ideas and even fresher ingredients. I got to try and the Pineapple Express and Rainbow Mountain, and I can't wait to come back for Franken Beans! 😋 I wouldn't have been able to experience this without @x3hoppie ❤️ Be sure to follow her for more food must-tries! (at The Joint Creamery)

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questurr · 7 years

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Out of all the work I've put into CKI, this is how I'll be remembered 😂💕 Thanks to @divadivineindy I think for the entertaining as heck voting sample questions during House of Delegates! Let the Circle K International convention (CKIx) and Key Club International convention recap begin! (at Grand Hyatt San Antonio)

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questurr · 7 years

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"Ooo, I crane't believe it." Exact words from T-Pain, I promise. (at Los Angeles Zoo and Botanical Gardens)

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questurr · 7 years

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:insert Arrested Development's Charlie Brown sad walk theme: (at Los Angeles Zoo and Botanical Gardens)

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questurr · 7 years

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The entrance | Part 2 (at Los Angeles Zoo)

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questurr · 7 years

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are you mixed? your eyes are so pretty

Yes I am! Vietnamese, Chinese, and Caucasian (Last one is default. I’m not sure if I’m European, American, etc.).

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questurr · 7 years

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01.12.17. 1:03am. Oh, hi there, Tumblr. It’s been a while.

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questurr · 8 years

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The opposite of drafting.

08.04.16 I read my drafts to remember why you became my past.

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questurr · 8 years

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Are you single? Or are you still with Sean

LOL It's been a while since I've been on Tumblr, and this happens to be one of the first things I see. Yes, with Sean.

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questurr · 8 years

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12.01.15: Photography adventures.

Frank Ocean’s “Sweet Life” has been spontaneously appearing in my life, so I went hunting through my files for the photo that I thought perfectly complemented the song. I didn’t realize that the hunt would retake me through the rise and fall of a relationship. I saw our laughter, our smiles, the places that were ours, and then photos that marked a new chapter. Without you. Funny enough, I actually feel indifferent, numb. Then I remember that that’s why I love photography and film. They capture a piece of who we were in that moment, a souvenir of what happiness meant to us in that part of our lives.

More importantly, they show that life goes on, and it continues to be even more beautiful.

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questurr · 8 years

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11.15.15

I haven’t romantically used this in two years, but yes, I mean it wholeheartedly. I feel liberated.

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