Im gonna kill myself

I had a vision.

🩶

「Twitter」

scara sketches

nobody told me it ended.

sketchbook scaras

I have made a keychan design (ignore the ugly background)

ENDLESS

curry man

Coralina!Au

every few months i remember how cool his design is

A few days ago I went to visit my grandpa, as I haven't seen him in a few months.

He's on his death bed; his time is fast approaching. I saw it in his eyes. They looked glassy.

My father warned me that it wouldn't have been pretty to see him like that. I wasn't expecting it to be. He's been sick a while and my dad has been taking care of him almost entirely by himself, so I knew it wasn't gonna be nice. Though I'll say, seeing my boisterous, larger-than-life grandfather reduced to the shadow of a man left a bitter taste in my mouth - and tears in my eyes. Still I did not cry. I didn't want grandpa to see me, just in case. I realized that he wouldn't have been able to see me anyway: he looked almost lost in thought. Completely out of it. All he could do was hold his face in his hands, too weak to even roll over.

He didn't respond to my dad when he called for him, nor did he acknowledge my presence initially. My dad glossed over it. Apparently he's not been able to recognise my dad for a few days now. Still, I could have sworn I heard my grandpa mutter his name a few times.

After a while, something happened. Grandpa took his hands off his face and glanced around. Then he looked at me. I cocked my head to the side and said hi. His eyes went wide when I smiled at him. He smiled back. Half hearted, strained, but it was there, and I was so relieved. My dad was wrong; he recognised me. He knew I was there and that I came to say goodbye. I extended my hand towards his own over the bed. He was far away, I thought had to lean in, but I didn't need to. He reached out first. His hand was shaking, purplish in color, but it held mine like it was his last lifeline.

For some reason, this reminded me of something. From times when grandpa wasn't sick, and I heard him talking to my dad over the phone. My dad is a 60 year old man: and still, before hanging up, my grandpa always told him, "A dopo amore." ("Later love"; in Italy, parents oftenly refer to their children as "love"). Because he's still his father's love, even at 60 years old. Me and my sister were also given the same nickname by grandpa, and even as he was fading away, I was still his "love". I felt it in the way he held my hand.

That's how I wanna remember him. So I won't be going to see him again, nor will I look back. I left him with that.

A dopo, amore.

Wandering

My new illustration inspired by the LN comic!

Imitating the artstyle is very fun!

had to get this out before bed

ruru platoon