qilyns
𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘦 .
𝘢𝘴 𝘱𝘦𝘳 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘵 .
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HIIII i severely underestimated how december was going to be my busiest month of the year (4 family birthdays before christmas + i got drafted into doing office work at the family company while our employees have some extra time off for the holidays) soo don't take my silence on here to mean that i'm going anywhere!! i'm not <3
#logging off again bc i need to call and dispute an invoice yippee#also our accountant is apparently hospitalized hnghhh#i miss having her around bc she's also a lawyer so she used to argue with people on my behalf.....#ooc tbd.
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ganyu day healed my sickness fr. life is so good
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SWEET BIRTHDAY BABY !!!
#RELIEVED the art is actually nice .#but why is CLOUD RETAINER there in the other one.... women can't have shit
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#ganyu bday art in like 5 hours........ i'll be asleep but MENTALLY IM THERE ALREADY#4000 and something and STILLL an it girl!#ooc tbd.
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@yanwangye said ... you laugh like a little girl, and inside you think like a martyr.
it would be a rather snide remark, coming from anyone else. ganyu would have rolled her eyes if it were cloud retainer, crossed her arms defensively and not made any attempts to hide how peeved such familiar remarks made her. it's not just anyone else though. coming from the one whose word is law and whose name is the subject of her repentance, how could she argue? her devotion is a gravity well — personal feelings and opinions cannot escape its pull. acceptance is the only thing that emerges.
if there is anyone else who would know better than herself about what she is or isn't — it's rex lapis. faith is comforting in that regard, even when the subject matter itself unnerves her more than she'd like to admit. ganyu blinks slowly, and exhales in a manner not entirely unlike a huff.
" i'm .. not sure what you mean by that. " she doesn't feel bad admitting it, idle to assume insult where she may simply be ignorant on the matter. don't martyrs die though? the subjects of childhood and sacrifice are already closely tied in her memory, though she prefers not to tread in that particular mire unnecessarily. perhaps it's the same in his memories of her too. what a shame that would be. " i .. fully intend on honoring my contract to the people of liyue for many years to come, so please don't worry about me. i'll still be here. "
#??? unprovoked.#what is your issue#what is rex lapis morax zhongli issue????#⟣ ┄ ─ 𝖺𝗇𝗌𝗐𝖾𝗋𝖾𝖽.#⟣ ┄ ─ & 𝘺𝘢𝘯𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘺𝘦.
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i feel like this is also made exponentially worse by the fact that guili is composed of the 归 gui from guizhong's name and the same 离 li that we later see rex lapis use within his alias zhongli. all the adepti are having literal ptsd war flashbacks when rex lapis unveils his cool new alias and it literally means departed bell / chime.
for reference imagine if your boss' wife died and only left behind a wedding ring and one day he faked his death and added you back on facebook under the name "ring that was lost" and it turns out he was working at the local gas station this whole time. you'd freak out too!!!!
hello today i'm thinking about how the literal translation of the chinese name guili assembly means "gathering of returning and departure" so this means that the guili plains themselves are technically named the plains of returning and departing immm?? couldn't they have named it gathering of people having a good time. gathering of people who definitely won't die and turn into dust and cause the upheaval of the entire adepti societal structure. how about a little less foresight?? or more foresight idk
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hello today i'm thinking about how the literal translation of the chinese name guili assembly means "gathering of returning and departure" so this means that the guili plains themselves are technically named the plains of returning and departing immm?? couldn't they have named it gathering of people having a good time. gathering of people who definitely won't die and turn into dust and cause the upheaval of the entire adepti societal structure. how about a little less foresight?? or more foresight idk
#ganyu: time to start my new job at Company of returning and departure SURELY nothing unforeseen or bad will happen at this office#funny how inazuma is the land of eternity when NOTHING in liyue is allowed to die it's all just suspended in time#⟣ ┄ ─ 𝗈𝗈𝖼.
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ganyu's name is written with the characters for sweet 甘 and rain 雨 and may be a reference to the idiom " 久旱逢甘雨， 他鄉遇故知 " which describes encountering a pleasant rain after a long drought and meeting an old friend in a foreign place. the meaning of the metaphor is the feeling of fulfilling a long – cherished wish.
the symbols used in the name of ganyu's liu tian archery technique are 流 天. the first character 流 meaning flow or water stream and 天 meaning sky or heaven. an approximate translation would be flowing sky archery.
the chinese name for celestial shower is 降众天华. 降 meaning fall or descend, 众 meaning many, numerous, or a crowd, 天 meaning sky or heaven, and 华 meaning magnificent or flowery.
ganyu's first ascension passive is written as 唯此一心 . the character 唯 as in only or alone, 此 meaning this, 一 meaning one or single, and 心 for heart. rather than its english title undivided heart, a more literal translation is only this one heart or possibly read as this heart alone.
#i just think they're neat#she's very sky coded!#may not be 100% correct but i did my research sooo maybe 95%. just covering all my bases here#the idiom has a couple more lines but....#⟣ ┄ ─ 𝗉𝗈𝗋𝗍𝗋𝖺𝗒𝖺𝗅.#the chinese name for celestial shower is a bit more difficult to translate IMO so i simply . didn't <3#general opinion seems to be “Heavenly Blossoms Descending upon the Crowd” buuut im . wanna research more
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₍ 🎞 ₎ annihilation (2018) rp starters ! featuring mature themes . some lines have been slightly adjusted for rp purposes .
some questions will ruin you if you are denied the answer long enough.
almost all of us self-destruct. in some way, in some part of our lives.
these aren't decisions, they're... impulses.
i thought i was a person. i had a life. and now i'm not so sure.
i love seeing the moon in daytime.
so weird you say that. i was about to make the exact same point.
you know he's listening right now, don't you?
okay. mistakes were made.
i keep looking for you, but you never seem to be around.
all work and no play. it’s not healthy.
i thought you were gone – gone forever.
i get really turned on when you patronize me. it's really hot.
you think i come out into the garden, pining, looking up at the sky?
are you kidding me? what do you think i do when you’re away?
i deserve a better explanation than… no explanation.
i remembered you. i remembered your face.
you probably feel dreadful. queasy. a nasty metal taste in the mouth.
so let’s cut the shit – i’m done answering questions. it’s your turn.
i can’t talk about that. you understand.
you still haven’t told me anything about what’s going on or what i’m doing here!
it's impressive to have escaped. to this point at least.
the chances are zero if i don’t even try.
it’s not simply a question of your motivation. there are processes to observe.
i was thinking we should bond or something. considering we’re travel buddies.
you get used to it. you have to accept it, because it’s there.
this is not something you do if your life is in perfect harmony.
i’m done sleeping for the night.
i’ll do it alone, if need be. you simply decide whether you’re coming with me.
you’re saying we get out by going deeper in?
my secret? is that not our secret?
none of this is possible. but it is what’s happening.
it doesn’t just hurt us, and kill us. it changes us.
it’s not exactly the first time i’ve been in your bed, or you in mine.
you know it’s not me you hate. it’s yourself.
you’re wrong. but you’re also not interested hearing in the truth.
i can’t survive these injuries. you know that.
it’s a terrible thought. to die frightened and in pain.
please. don’t ask me to do this.
i had to know what it was. what was waiting. i had to know.
it’s going to annihilate us. that’s what it is. that’s what’s waiting.
#so many new mutuals teehee ...#long time no meme!#⟣ ┄ ─ 𝗉𝗋𝗈𝗆𝗉𝗍𝗌.#while i work on replies and cry over my layla icons .
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following path of duty sometimes takes one off the beaten path, though not without an accompanying feeling of slight unease. maybe it's the change of scenery that's getting to her – inazuma may not be entirely unfamiliar, but many things have changed since she last walked in the oppressive shade cast by the shogunate.
unfamiliarity is not a feeling ganyu frequently indulges in, yet she won't allow herself to let discontent color every new experience such a dull shade. there is wonder to be found here – at least if this guide of hers is to be believed. as an emissary of the qixing, it would be unconscionable to approach diplomacy with a closed mind, even though sight – seeing tends to fall outside the jurisdiction of foreign dignitaries. oh well.
" oh, um .. of course. i'll take your word for it. " ganyu concedes, somewhat bashful in her attempt to pretend that this little display of hometown heroism didn't just send her heart into her throat. " i'm glad no one got hurt. you're quite fast to spring into action. " it seems like a quality wasted on whatever line of work this falls under, but that's neither here nor there.
as the tension begins to dissolve from her shoulders and her arms come unstuck from her sides, cohesive thoughts also return from where they were previously scattered. a tinge of familiarity as the guuji yae comes to mind, and the fact that ganyu has yet to resume their correspondence, as was promised. best not to poke that particular fox's nest if she can avoid it.
" so that is the blessing from the sacred sakura .. have you traveled to the grand narukami shrine yourself? "
A certain vibrancy found itself thick within Inauzma's climate within these particular days. Through his guiding introduction would be the witness of humanity in a more active, rowdy nature as Inazuma itself seemed content to let it's power be used for this purpose. A demonstration was being made for a new face that decided to visit these very shores.
Running within his mind had been a determination to let new sights be embraced. Though, maybe the sight was a touch too energetic as through the arcs of lightning whipping higher in the sky, the hoots and hollers of more traveling fit Inazumans soaring with wind gliders, quite the experience was being demonstrated to Qilin firsthand. Needless to say as Thoma's mouth found itself mildly agape, even he hadn't anticipated this certain bunch utilizing nature at this point and time.
"And..! Well, what we have here is an ancient means of fast travel through the wilds of Inazuma! Through the Sakura's blessing, usually it allowed the nimble to soar and for more unique ends of skyborne travel.."
There's a pause grating the explanation as one of those figures nearly flung themselves to the wayside. While the natural electricity would've made their body more durable for the fall, Thoma's instincts kicked in regardless, an agile feat being performed to not only catch this sailing soul! Also to carefully set them down, pat dust from the shoulders and offer a 'be a lil more careful!' Such a response warranted a response in question.
"Aye aye! Much thanks to you, Mr.Fixer. Certainly didn't want to make more of a fool of myself before your present company, haha!" As they skittered off, indulging in the high octane nature of zipping from one point to another, even Thoma couldn't help but edge an apologetic look towards his current company.
"..I promise antics like this aren't the usual norm."
@qilyns
#SORRY THIS TOOK ME SO LONG SGHFD#poor timing on my part to move blogs right after u posted this... i'm just a humble clown#⟣ ┄ ─ & 𝘴𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘰𝘰𝘺𝘰𝘳𝘰𝘪.
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@mingji said ... take your coat, don't get cold .
temperate evenings turn to frigid nights across the plains. the cold doesn't reach past their doorstep though – the warmth emanates from within, all things aglow. when guizhong stops her on the way out, ganyu only smiles. the lord of dust is far more vigilant than her station would imply, all – seeing and all – considerate in a way that's markedly different from the other adepti within the assembly.
even their common dwellings in the clouded and solitary peaks of juyeun karst could not compare to the familiar hum of life moving in all directions around them, all throughout the city. just as cloud retainer had pointed out, the human side of her always longs for more.
" oh, good idea. " she all but chirps in response, idling along the stone – laden hallways, tracing fingertips along the subtle grooves in the walls. she's grateful to have been invited in the first place, to dine and listen along with her seniors .. even when the conversations become noticeably heated, the ruckus does more to still her heart than cause genuine upset. the halls are quieter now, in the smaller hours – details of their exploits and friendly competition fondly committed to memory until next time. ganyu sighs at the thought.
" well ... i don't actually know that i – uh, brought one. " sheepish in a way that would cause cloud retainer to roll her eyes at her, but she really can't help it. guizhong seems so effortless in comparison, even in the dim half – light, draped in the fineries befitting a true lord. a stark contrast to the young half – qilin, looking around as if she's expecting something, anything, to appear out of thin air and smooth over this mishap. " or maybe cloud retainer took mine earlier. don't tell her i said that though, please. "
#guili assembly era because im darksided AND an adepti family truther#i like the HAPPY times. sue me!!!!#also sorry ganyu is chronically hearteyes at everything during this time period it cannot be helped..... the optimism of youth etcetera#⟣ ┄ ─ 𝖺𝗇𝗌𝗐𝖾𝗋𝖾𝖽.#⟣ ┄ ─ & 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘫𝘪.
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the numbness does not subside even as she wills herself to move, shifting away from him with arms crossed tight over her chest. the world does not stand still for anyone, no matter how much she might wish that it would just stop and give her a minute.
all the while she hears him breathing, and the soft rustle of layers of fabric shifting against an unexpectedly warm evening breeze – impossibly tangible in a way that she isn't ready to parse with just yet. ganyu wants so badly to ask him for that minute, to stand quietly for a while longer. it's a terribly human thing to ask for, she realizes, but there's no way she could face this the way he does, so dignified even in dejection. a presence simply radiating despite the form it presently inhabits.
" no – i'm sorry, i didn't mean to imply that you've done something wrong .. or to offend me. i just didn't understand. and – um .. i still don't. "
her own capitulation to memory is not so graceful. what do i even call you? ganyu wonders but doesn't ask, throat twisting into a painful knot when she forces herself to face zhongli again. the name alone feels awkward within her mind – but in this instance alone, the lack of familiarity is a small mercy for her nerves. " was it really you, all this time? but then .. i should have known, shouldn't i? when we spoke earlier .. i couldn't recognize you at all. "
to the adepti, he had said nothing. ganyu had been first among them to witness the fall, and only because of a separate proximity altogether to a human rite that the others had nothing to do with. had it been cruel? perhaps. then, he never expected it to have been a decision any other could make — a heart may beat within, but it pulses with gold that has hardened in time. it is a heart that he has shared with ganyu for millennia, ever since her mother had placed her in his arms to bless her. forgive him, that he had felt the need to break it to allow it to beat with ease again.
he expects this, the disbelief and the distance — still, whether he had considered what he would have done with it is another matter. it always seems to be another matter.
" yu-yu, " the name is as foreign on the tongue as it is familiar, and he hopes it stirs up the same memories that he has always held dear, if only to prove that he had not done this in jest. the shape that is zhongli closes his mouth, gaze dropping for a moment to alleviate her from the weight of it, and sighs. whatever explanation he had primed along the lips turns to stone, and shame instead takes its place. " i am sorry. "
#YU-YU????? WHO???#RICKY WHEN I CATCH YOU RICKY#idiots who can't stop apologizing to each other#ganyu still in her shock era but SOON she will start Experiencing Things and that's when i'm simply gonna deactivate tbh#⟣ ┄ ─ & 𝘺𝘢𝘯𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘺𝘦.
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inbox call since i'm almost done with my own! like this post if you want me to terrorize your inbox with starters & memes from your reblogged prompts tag ➶♡
#since i'm working on replies tn ‼️#emphasis on starters *plural* if i'm feeling particularly devious . idk
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A drawing for zine that didn't see light of the world because after on month after finishing this piece there was info that there were not enough orders
#⟣ ┄ ─ 𝗏𝗂𝗌𝗎𝖺𝗅.#really just rbing old material again but#this is the hair length i have in mind for her wolfcut!!#ik in this artwork it's just draped over her shoulder but humor me . the rat tail is cancelled#also colors 🌈🔆🎨
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“You looked at me (did you still see me?).”
— Christa Wolf, Cassandra: A Novel and Four Essays (tr. Jan van Heurck)
#the mortifying ordeal of being seen . let's not even think about being known#⟣ ┄ ─ 𝗌𝗍𝗎𝖽𝗒.#christa wolf is like an invasive species of my brain i cant get her out
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another one but hyv is quite abysmal at giving female characters .. real character flaws beyond "omg she works too much!" so in my personal canon i see ganyu as someone who is stubborn and inflexible in her thinking without ever really recognising it, stilted in conversation, (intentionally) overly formal, and not exactly .. lacking empathy but perhaps less emotionally intuitive than her interactions with the traveler would suggest (" .. [she] finds it difficult to comprehend mortal squabbles. " says the canon) .. like she might have sympathy for people going through struggles but she doesn't fully understand the how and why and the emotional weight of the daily trials that people might be going through (i also don't know that she fully has the desire to gain this understanding outside of individual cases) (this definitely extends to her own personal struggles as well though. the call is coming from inside the house)
also emotionally avoidant but still embarrassingly sensitive + frequently and easily gets flustered at her big age (massive L) and she's uptight about everyone including herself. that's a start
#in conclusion she's a rex lapis truther who won't stop using her costumer service voice even during a deep conversation#her internal monologue is also fucked up at all times but we all knew this from my .. interesting replies#i would add more but . i really haven't written her for THAT long so maybe it'll come to me in a prophetic dream one day#also im aware these flaws arent as cool as like she kills people! wah! but more mundane flaws can still greatly affect interactions#she just seems so unaware of how people view her idk. and completely unwilling to like.. change her mind about it. ever#⟣ ┄ ─ 𝗉𝗈𝗋𝗍𝗋𝖺𝗒𝖺𝗅.
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long ass psychology hot take / personality notes headcanon / me rambling about my least favorite recurring joke within ganyu's background . tw for mentions of eating disorders + armchair psychology
psa: i'm aware it may be contentious for me to use the lens of eating disorders to make conclusions about interpersonal relationships, but i think many people who have gone through this for themselves can tell you that the two are intimately tied together.
ganyu's commitment to emotionally isolating herself is not only an expression of her qilin heritage but also a display of restraint as a warped idea of self–discipline (in reality this falls further on the scale of self–punishment) which is also mirrored in her disordered eating habits. wether it was intentional by hyv or not, i still see it as a theme that informs her personality not only in regards to how she presents herself but also in how she interacts and forms relationships (or doesn't) with the people around her.
the fandom likes to make fun of the monster choking incident from when she was younger, which the text also enforces by describing it in a very humorous tone. i can accept that it wasn't meant to be that deep but based on her behavior for the past 3000+ YEARS i think we can infer that it was a deeply upsetting moment for ganyu regardless of how humorous it may have been for the other adepti. many instances relating to her weight are described as being intensely embarrassing for her, like cloud retainer sharing her childhood stories with the traveler during her story chapter (fucked up fr... dumbass bird) and her literally running away in frustration from feeling humiliated by someone so close to her.
" another secret that ganyu is anxious to keep hidden is the fact that she is watching her physique. " ₍ ... ₎ " during the archon war, she once choked a giant monster to death after getting lodged in its throat when it tried to eat her.. " ₍ ... ₎ " for ganyu, avoiding any similarly embarrassing episodes in the future is an absolute must. "
" whenever she finds herself being drawn towards some delicious dish, she will attempt to reassert her self-control. " ₍ ... ₎ " the difficulty of such a challenge is second only to finding a flaming flower atop dragonspine. " ₍ ... ₎ " but she is not one to give up half-way through the ascent. "
canonically having an eating disorder for more than three millennia is not only fucked up on hyv's part for.. coming up with the idea.. but i think it does show us her recurring tendency to deny herself of potentially enjoyable experiences (such as eating with others, which is a big aspect of socializing within liyuen culture.) to maintain a strict status quo. she worries about people distancing themselves from her if they find out the truth of her being half-qilin, she worries about people distancing themselves based on her physical appearance, and she worries about how people perceive her in a professional context, she worries about being replaced professionally and how that would eliminate her role within human society entirely.
the point of all this rambling is this: it's my personal headcanon that two big aspects of her personality are restraint and self punishment as means to control her circumstances and avoid embarrassment and how in turn this makes her averse to forming deep bonds with others. i don't read this as a matter of vanity since, in spite of all her efforts, there's no sense of accomplishment in keeping these secrets. only endless worrying and stress.
however, as someone who has experienced disordered eating for many years in real life, there is also an unspoken sense of accomplishment within this idea of discipline. the text describes her as " not one to give up half-way through the ascent. " which is notably aspirational in tone and tells us that this is something she sees as a good thing, not merely as a struggle to avoid embarrassment but as a pursuit of self–improvement. obviously this is fucked up and not the case but i think it's a very obvious coping mechanism to try and find a noble purpose within something you're suffering – otherwise the suffering itself may be seen as a source of shame and failure.
and on the aspirational note, the qilin in real life mythology is described as being lonely by nature but there's really nothing in the mythology of genshin to suggest this might be the case in universe. i see it more as a motif for her struggle than a definitive characteristic of hers, and perhaps isolation it's a way for her to aspire to embrace this side of her heritage which she obviously does not identify with on a deeper level? she does insist on describing herself as inhuman so perhaps it's also an attempt to delineate herself from others.....
so anyway, i believe that this idea of restraint plays into her loneliness as an inhuman. we don't see any examples of her being rejected from human society other than her own insistence that there is no place for her beyond her function. someone like yanfei is clearly able to live and thrive within liyue harbor, so why not ganyu?
i propose that this isolation is more or less self imposed. microdosing on (imagined?) societal rejection to avoid confronting loneliness and strife within actual interpersonal relationships. cloud retainer says that life as an adeptus in juyeun karst would be too lonely for her to cope with but ganyu insists that the loneliness she feels among other people is more personal and therefore harder to endure.
as a character, she often takes steps to avoid embarrassment and rejection but she doesn't necessarily shy away from suffering itself. if the writers truly want us to believe she goes without close friendships or romantic companionship for decades if not centuries at a time (she rarely if ever brings up anyone from the past other than the adepti and rex lapis) then i think the only reasonable conclusion is that she imposed those restraints on herself and that she probably does find some level of comfort within that loneliness, even if it's starting to wear on her by the time that genshin impact takes place.
many psychologists adhere to the idea of the cyclical disorder, which is essentially a process of using restrictive behaviors to exert control over negative feelings or dissatisfactions with life, which are recurring emotions for any person regardless of how long they live. i don't think she is a hermit though. i think that, similar to the cyclical nature of disordered eating, her disordered idea of relationships is to abstain for as long as she possibly can and then punish herself afterwards by seeking relief in familiar habits of isolation.
i imagine her restrictive eating began as a way to exert control over the way people view her, and i think the fact that she has maintained these ideas for so. fucking. long. implies that this mindset probably extends further than we ever get to see in our role as traveler within the story
thanks for coming to my tedtalk
#⟣ ┄ ─ 𝗉𝗈𝗋𝗍𝗋𝖺𝗒𝖺𝗅.#safe to say i care more about ganyu's psychology than hyv ever did lmao#the definition of “ITS NOT THAT DEEP”#i dont expect anyone to read this . but if u did idk what to tell you
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