hearing a few things that point towards jjong planning this out for a long time (not reading the teleprompter announcing his comeback, writing a song to get over the death of loved ones, etc.) makes me feel .00000001% better because it makes it more of something he really wanted and not a momentary feeling so yes people maybe still could have done more, but it was something he had been wanting for a long time and so maybe they won't feel AS guilty anymore... idk. please help the members.

to me personally, learning the news about jonghyun planning to do these things ahead of time made it all the more heart-crushing. knowing he was in that much pain for so long tugs at my own heart and makes the situation even sadder; i wish someone could’ve done something, anything. i wish that there had been another way for the pain to stop. i wish for a lot of things… part of me still doesn’t believe that this is real.

given more time, maybe i’ll have a different perspective on it; i can see how it can make you feel better though, knowing that this was truly what he wanted so he actually thought it out and considered the consequences of his actions… even though i don’t necessarily agree with it, i understand it. thank you for sharing your thoughts. i want you to know that it’s okay to speak your mind.

jonghyun has always been thoughtful and considerate; waiting until all promotions were finished, waiting until birthdays had passed, waiting until dramas were finished airing… he truly want this to be as painless as possible, or at least he tried to ease the blow as much as he could for his loved ones, his members especially. waiting until they were essentially done with the year gives them time to mourn with less stress. however, it doesn’t give them a break from the huge spotlight that is now on everyone that jonghyun knew.

the members have been through so much in the past 3 days. they were given so many responsibilities and have done their best to remain strong; it hurts me so much knowing that they’re in so much pain, but they have been such pillars of strength for those who came to pay respects to jonghyun… they deserve so much more than this, honestly. they’ve been shoved in the spotlight in the worst possible way all while mourning the loss of one of their brothers. being chief mourners at such a young age shouldn’t have been a task that they were assigned, and yet, it happened. i hope they’re handling everything as best as they can. i hope that they’re eating properly, that they’re drinking enough water, that they’re sleeping enough… i hope that they have people comforting them, i hope that they have a support system that’ll help them through this. they’re going to need it moving forward.

People don't realize that we DID know him. Maybe not in reciprocal way, but we listened to him everyday, we watched him everyday, we laughed and loved with him everyday. He was part of our every day life. I can't even say that of some of my irl friends. So how can someone say we shouldn't mourn for him? Jonghyun was our friend. IS our friend. And it hurts. People who love us shouldn't care as much about our reason for pain, but comfort because we are in pain. We love you ❤

Exactly this, sweetheart. You’ve worded this PERFECTLY.

For those of you who don’t know a medium is a person who claims that they can sense things from the other side and talk to the dead. Now some of you may call bullshit already but I’ve done quite a few readings on books by mediums  and I found it quite astounding that most talk about the same key concepts. 

So things that Edgar Cayce (a medium from the late 1800’s, early 1900’s) say coordinate things with what James Van Praagh (a medium from our century) has to say. 

Ofcourse this isn’t something scientifically backed up, but it makes me believe in a life after death, I don’t know about you.

Here are popular questions and the key concept behind them.

Is there a God?

Yes, God is this pure loving energy form. It’s NOT something separate, NOT something that other people worship, but it’s all of us, it’s what we strive to be a part of. As most mediums say “we are all God” 

Is there Heaven/Hell?

The other side is a “Heaven”, it’s where there’s no unrest. There is no such thing as a hell though. People who have committed very bad deeds, don’t get punished by other forces, but their own negative vibe might punish themselves, as in all the negative thoughts and emotions will surround them and they’ll be unable to open up to the love and joy on the other side, the “heaven”. There are definitly a special type of spirit healers, sent to help them. 

Can the dead hear me?

Yes, they can hear you all the time all your thoughts/feelings, even though you might not be able to hear them. Your loved ones maybe close to you as the air that surrounds you. They are not gone, they are just at another place.

What’s the point of life and all these hardships we face in it?

To learn and grow. It works like this: you are in this life for something, all the hardships you face is meant to help you learn from it. Souls come into the Earth to learn these lessons and when they leave the lessons they learn help them achieve a higher level of understanding. This higher level of understanding helps one become more closer to God and to become one with Him. So that terrible break-up you went through? Maybe to help you understand, independence and self-love. Souls come in and out of Earth many times (reincarnation). Each life time may help them learn a specific lesson. 

Do we have soulmates?

Yes! But not in the way you think. Soul mates don’t have to be romantic lovers, they can be best friends, brother and sister, son and father. A soulmate is someone you feel a very special connection to.

Is there such a thing as fate and destiny?

Yeah there are things that are predetermined. Things like who you will marry, how many kids you’ll have, your career etc. However, it’s not set in stone, you have free will, and the power to change if you really wanted to. 

I’m pretty sure you have plenty of more questions but that’s the main ones I got as of now. I recommend books by James Van Praagh or Concetta Bertoldi, basically go to the “New Age” section in your local library. 

Maybe I’ll make another post, if this enlightened anyone at all. Feel free to send me any more questions you may have. 

i hope everyone is doing better than yesterday and if u aren’t ily and it will hurt less eventually

Praying for the woman I’ll be in 5+yrs I hope she’s happy, and loved, living life unapologetically, doing what she loves.

별빛 바램 (wish upon a star) ♡ shinee from: 1and1 - repackage album please download / stream digitally!

Even at the funeral, where he had every right to break down and be vulnerable, Onew stayed a leader.

He kept the members in check.

He was literally Kibum’s shoulder to cry on.

He made sure Jonghyun’s family members were properly escorted to the hearse.

Everything, he did as a leader.

If that’s not strength then I don’t know what is.

After a period of sadness, happiness doesn’t jump into your life. it grows back slowly in the crevasses of your soul, like small plants which sprout in cracked concrete; it creeps softly up to you until eventually it’s walking by your side, so quietly you barely even notice.

🌟💖 to jonghyun: my sun, my moon, my stars, someone who i'll love forever  💖🌟

i don’t know how to start this properly so i’ll do so by saying i’m coping the best i can be given the circumstances but it still feels like there’s this void in my chest. 

when i first started listening to k-pop i figured it’d just be a fun pasttime for me and, for the most part, it has been. i just didn’t think i’d get as attached as i did to an idol as i did jonghyun because i’d never been the type to get super attached to celebrities to begin with but i was really drawn to him from the get go. i remember the first time i saw him in the “lucifer” mv. i was like: ”wow, who is that dude“ so i started looking into him and grew to like him quickly. this was before he started to show more of himself to shawols / the world. after that point he made his twitter and began to interact more with fans by showing how clever, intelligent, fun loving and socially conscious he was. and his sense of humor was so strange - which was something that i could relate to. that’s probably when i knew he was going to be my ult for a long time. i remember when he supported kang eun ha back in late 2013 and i was so relieved because i was just starting to really come to terms with the fact that i was queer and it was comforting to know that my ult would accept me for that. in the short time that followed we were able to see him grow and develop as a person. he started to bare his soul to the world through blue night, always more than he was obligated to, and he was always graceful and thoughtful in doing so. i remember at shinee’s fifth anniversary party when he debuted “beautiful tonight” to shawols. i was so proud of him because i knew that it’d always been his dream to make his own music and that was the FIRST time that he was able to share something with us that was completely his. 

when it comes to shinee .. i haven’t been here since the beginning. i became a fan during the summer of 2011 but i’ve always felt like i was present during the timeline that was the most pertinent in his growing as a human being. blue night was always so special to me because it opened us up to a side of him that he had been careful to share before then. people had these fixed stereotypes about him and, while some have lingered on, he was able to blow most out of the water through the show. without blue night we wouldn’t have been able to hear a large percentage of his beautiful solo work. looking back i can see that this was a burden to him and it makes me ache knowing something he loved became such a weight for him but i’ll always cherish the work that he gave to us. he was always trying so hard. it doesn’t take what happened to know that. he never shied away from telling us when he felt lost or lonely or upset and he never made fans feel as if they were wrong to feel that way either. honestly he never made fans feel like they were in the wrong for anything. he’d support them through even their most ridiculous (and some of the funnier stories he got on blue night were proof of that) and the love he had for us was undeniable. you could see it in his eyes whenever he was given the chance to be face-to-face with us: at events with shinee, for blue night, for himself. it always looked like he was … ridiculously content just breathing the same air as his fans. this extended to international fans as well. he didn’t speak up on it often but it was obvious he knew about the disconnect / distance that we’ve always felt in being so far away from him and shinee. we got “selene 6.23” to show for that one. it was also thanks to jonghyun and the rest of shinee that i was able to make most of the close friends that i have today. that, and they were also so charming that i was able to have my older friends become a fan of them as well. they also gave me a reason to be able to travel twice in the last year and a half: once to chicago and another time to los angeles. i’ll always be grateful that i was able to see them twice - that i was able to see him twice. i’m starting to feel too introspective so i’m going to switch over and talk about a few of my favorite things about him: 1) he wasn’t perfect. he made mistakes but he always apologized and tried to make amends for them in the end. he was constantly trying to better himself and become education / sensitive to a variety of issues. i feel he excelled there, really. 2) his love for roo. i think it goes without saying that a good deal of the funnier content involving him was related back to roo. and remember the time she photobombed minho taking a picture of jjong with his music show trophies? yeah. 3) how much of his life he dedicated to making his mom and sodam feel loved and appreciated. i really don’t know what else to add here that isn’t obvious already. 4) he wasn’t afraid to show the world the side of himself that was what most would regard as being “childish” or in geeking out about things that made him happy like naruto or how much he had fallen in love with (and been touched by) kimi no na wa. 5) when he wanted to cry he cried and he made sure that others were aware that it was alright to cry too, to be weak sometimes because to be “weak” is to really be strong. 6) he was such a great and caring friend. he just … was. there’s no denying that. he was always nonjudgmental and willing to be there for his friends at the drop of a hat when they needed him (like when he drove two hours to pick up dongwoo when he needed a ride home from a random location). 7) jinki. he was always a pillar of strength for him and this worked both ways. he took the spotlight for him when he wasn’t able to do it himself and he was always the first to understand his strange jokes and puns and play off of them. 8) kibum. he was kibum’s first friend when they became trainees. we’ll never know what kind of connection they had in full but it was obvious it was something special that went beyond words. 9) minho. minho is probably his biggest fan. he could read him like an open book and he was always the first to be there when he needed him most and it’s obvious that hasn’t changed even now. 10) taemin. he was HIS biggest fan. we all know that. he wasn’t just his friend and brother but his baby and you could see how proud he was to see him develop as both an artist and person. i’m glad he got to see up to now even though it hurts me he won’t see all he is capable of achieving. 11) the relationship he had with his blue night family - listeners included. they helped him so much. they gave him stories to use that helped broaden his work as a singer-songwriter and he developed meaningful friendships with both regular guests and pds. 12) taeyeon, suho, yoona, krystal, heechul, donghae, jungmo. all the friends that he made within sm when they began training who he knew for just as long as the other members of shinee. and all of those who have left sm since that were close to and meant a lot to him at a point as well, like luhan, jessica and tao. plus those that he became and stayed close to after debut. yeri, lee jonghyun, hongki, crush, zion.t, jung joon young, younha, tablo, wheesung, minkyung, gray, zico. i know they’re all hurting too. 13) he wrote a beautiful book where he used all main characters as a template to show different sides of himself to readers. he was writing another book too and i’m glad he was at least able to share his idea for it with us. 14) he was able to release four amazing solo albums in such a short amount of time and i honestly feel like he helped to break some of the bias sm had toward allowing their artists to release their own work. 15) he wasn’t afraid to gush over other men that he found attractive. looking back on his fanboying over gong yoo is always going to make me laugh. 16) i really loved how much he loved the moon and stars and space and mythology and all that whimsical stuff because he could be pretty whimsical himself at times. 17) how much of a dork he was for poetry. remember when he sent that wreath to wheesung with that bertolt brecht poem? iconic. 18) he really admired and looked up to prince. you could see his influence in both the sound and styling of his solo work and that makes the stereotypical minnesotan in me happy. 19) more of a random anecdote but how excited he was when he was dying his hair pink for “she is” promotions. the story about how he’d kept on showing the other members a photo of the shade he was trying for excitedly will always be one of my faves. 20) he was the kazoo king. 21) random little physical traits of his like his blingspot and all his pretty moles and birthmarks, his bottom teeth, how his legs were bowed. 22) how he pretty much laughed with his entire body and how his nose scrunched up when doing so. how expressive he was. how you could pretty much see every emotion he was trying to convey in his eyes and they’d sometimes sparkle like there was an entire universe in them (i used to say that a lot). i’ll move on from the facts from now but this is … a lot. emotionally. (death tw, suicide tw) honestly i feel like i can’t say much else that hasn’t already been said and that i won’t be able to completely do justice to who he was as an artist, bandmate, brother, son, friend, colleagues, so on and so forth. but you can feel it at least. i guess words?? aren’t really needed always?? you can feel it in how many people have went to pay their respects to him in the last day. he was SO loved and he left such a mark on the industry, not just of his immense and unique talent but because of how kind, generous, soft and understanding he was. i’ve said this a few times already to close friends of mine but as much as it kills me to know that he’s gone and that he was in as much pain as he was i’m also relieved that he isn’t feeling that pain anymore. what else can you really say in situations like these. he hurt more than anyone deserves to and maybe it’s cheesy to say but a part of me feels like he was too good for this world. i’ve never really been religious but i hope that if there is an afterlife that he feels content, warm, happy and comfortable for once. maybe now he’s a star, hanging around the moon, or maybe he’s a star pup. that’d be wild. he’d probably love that. or maybe he’s jamming out with his favorite musicians who’ve passed. who knows. anyway. i think that’s all i’m gonna say for now. in the future i may revisit this post - maybe i’ll add on to it or maybe i’ll use it as a template to make a new one. who knows but the only other thing i can say before closing this off is that he’ll always have a special place in my heart and i’ll never forget him.

remember how fast jonghyun would speak whenever he’s nervous. it was a cute lil habit of his

remember how jonghyun never learned how to ride a bicycle until he was 23 and when he finally learned how to, his new bike got stolen and had to go back to the bike shop the next day, apologized to the bike owner and bought a new one (only to find out a year or two later that minho was the one behind the bike theft)

remember how jonghyun always somehow managed to get a hold of sm’s youtube channel and would post cute n wholesome clips of his dog roo

remember how much love and support jonghyun gave to taemin with his solo career and how much he adored “dracula oppa”/ his “fairy prince”

remember how jonghyun fell asleep on the couch and minho recreation of that famous michelangelo painting and key posted it on weibo

remember how jonghyun got mad from said event so he decided to post 473828292 memes of minho as payback (and just always posted memes of the rest of the members on twitter lol)

remember how when jonghyun and onew first met, jonghyun thought he was older than him and dragged onew around the sm building speaking informally. and when he found out the next day that onew was older he got super embarrassed

remember how much jonghyun loved playing that damn kazoo of his, his live version of beautiful tonight > anything really

remember how the members were asked how many hats did kibum own and jonghyun instantly raised his hand in 0.000000001 seconds and got the answer correct

remember how jonghyun thought it was a good idea to walk to the airport with a dog mask on his head just so he could make everyone laugh

remember how much jonghyun cared for his older sister songdam and always had her as his phone wallpaper

remember how much jonghyun cared for his mother who he loved so dearly and said she was always his biggest influencer

feel free to reblog and add on your own favorite memories of him if you want <3

stop saying yes to the shit you hate

Kim Jonghyun

[tw depression death suicide]

Depression is a thing that is hard to understand for people who don’t suffer from it. Some people might say that Jonghyun faked his happiness, that what he did was a lie. But I can assure you, since i suffer from depression as well, he didn’t lie and his happiness was a true happiness. Just because you suffer from this illness doesn’t mean the world is always grey or even dark, there are bright moments, colorful moments an i am certain that Jonghyun had a lot of bright and happy moments in his life. He was honest with us. He told us how much he suffered and I am so sad that we couldn’t do anything to help him out of this depression. Because it’s a war. Depression is a war against yourself and you sadly can only fight it alone. But there are people outside who know how to help you with that fight, people who take you serious in this. And it pains me to know, that Jonghyun fought for so long, seeked for help but sadly got to the wrong person, the wrong doctor and probably got discouraged in trying to find a better doctor. I am proud of him that he was able to fight for so long and I am simultaneously so sad that he couldn’t fight once more. I am sad that in his last fight the depression won and that he decided in a long run to end all this. People might say he was egoistic or selfish for leaving the world like this, but even in his last moments he took care of everything he loved. He left a legacy to his sister, he made sure that his organs would be donated, he wrote letters to the people dear to him. Until the last moment he cared for each and everyone of us. He wrote us fans a song to not be sad when someone we love left us. He didn’t want us to suffer. Until the very end Jonghyun cared for us all. And this is a very strong thing to do, for a person who decided to end everything. 

I know we suffer a lot from losing him. But we need to remember that he has been so strong over all these years. Now it’s time for us to be strong for him and his family, the SHINee members, his friends. And please, if you suffer from depression, seek for help. Try to talk to people, try to find people who understand you. I know its hard to speak about it out loud, to admit suffering from this illness. But you are not alone. There are people who can understand you. 

Thank you for everything Jonghyun. We will forever remember you as the bright and kind and loving person, the creative musician with these many many talents. Thank you for being an inspiration to us, thank you for shining so bright even in the dark. I hope you’re now at a better place without suffering. I hope you can play your beloved Kazoo, and that you can smile forever now in pure happiness. We will forever love you. Rest in paradise, sunshine.

if you’re a Youth and you’re reading this i just wanna discourage you from like….imitating the culture on this site too completely and building your whole worldview through the lens you’re finding here. just. be cautious be careful be critical

this year changed me. like who am i

sometimes i forget how many times i’ve picked myself off the floor, how many times i’ve washed away smudgy makeup and put myself to bed. how many times i’ve said no to something unhealthy. said yes to something good. how many times i’ve treated myself with kindness and patience. i forget how many times i’ve tended to wounds and made peace with my own anger. if i was taking care of a body that was not my own, i’d believe i was doing everything i could. so here’s to remembering that i’m doing the best i can.

blue night radio - 150830 jonghyun: i think it’s okay to feel lost in your life. i think it’s okay not to reach that final goal (in your life). you may earn things while being lost or could make something out of it through the emotions you feel. i think it should be your judgement. you don’t have to make someone else judge the satisfaction of your life. i hope that you don’t feel too anxious about feeling lost in your life. (source: thatcoolcatmeow)