wouldn’t it be funny if mary magdalene was like i hang out with dudes because it’s less drama and then all that happened

getting surgery to separate the right and left halves of my brain as a joke

Strong as fuck ice mummy got.me second guessing my career choices

he has that sadness in his eyes that you only see in eastern european gay porn

sometimes im like "wow holy shit im being really fucking annoying. i should stop talking" and then i pull out my magic 8 ball and it says "youve always been annoying and your friends chose to talk you anyways. youll be fine" and im like wow thanks magic 8 ball. and then the ogre attacks me

alright guys im curious. who were the worst mutuals youve ever had

I feel like there's two levels of chronically online. There's like, the variety where you recognize obscure memes and stupid drama and post constantly but have some sort of tether to reality and have friends in the real world and read the news from time to time, and then there's the kind where you genuinely don't realize that your political position or feelings about popular media are not just non-mainstream but actively fringe and that it's not emotional labor to pick people up from the airport.

SEMEN RETENTION-- WRAPPED!

You conserved 137ml of fluid!

You didn't jack off 140,346,824 times!

The thing that got you most horny was... The rich loam by the river delta!

Your warrior essence grew by 84%! WOW!

The thought that kept you from masturbating the most was... The hard red clay of the valley!

Your male spirit takes the form of the Conquering Lion, and its element is the Roaring Thunder!

If you jerked off now, you could save all of us

“we need to see castiel again.” this statement we can’t possibly refute. “misha collins should be employed.” no i don’t think that’s true.

fantasising about getting him pregnant so that i can make him a single a mother

Dungeon Meshi - Mithruns Rehabilitation