guys guys guys Ive got some huge news:

This is why I keep a greasy duck in my pocket at all times

Post snack update:

Subject reports they are “feeling fine now” and “will [resume task shortly]”

Notes: subject is clearly lying

did you guys know that the hours continue to pass even if you aren’t using them well. I’ll let you know if I discover more

stepped on a plum (overripe plum) (barefoot) it was on the driveway got out of the car and accidentally (didn't know it was there) stepped on the plum (warm) (on the ground) (it had fallen from the tree) barefoot (no shoes) wearing long pants (too long) (need to hem them) plum viscera got on them (the pants) unexpected plum on the driveway (hot plum) (97 degrees out) already super hungover (throwing up all morning) (should not have been driving at all) and I stepped out of the car (black car) (97 degrees out) and onto the plum (unexpected) (didn't know the plum was there) and it burst (plum nightmare on my only good pair of sweatpants) still we find ways to keep ourselves going from day to day

Sometimes life is just a sleep deprivation experiment

I’m not entertaining the thought I’m going to the thought store and trying the thought on without any intention of ever buying it

If you ignore the imminent risk of death being buried in an avalanche is kind of cozy tbh

That feeling when you realize it’s already Monday… again.

man just when i think “maybe it’s not that funny” i remember that we’ve all silently agreed that Matteo JWHJ0715 is just. a normal name. yeah he’s the director what about it. his mother was italian and his father was a license plate

Hit it back

the edible hit