one day i will come back to this hellsite

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hunterspath:

iris.

iris warmed at the kiss laid upon her forehead, finding solace in her girlfriend’s words and obvious affection. she was fine — more importantly, they were fine. on the other hand, this mess that she had created was not fine. she needed to dispose of everything as if tonight hadn’t happened, as if she hadn’t snuck out of bed at midnight and went off into the night with a dark hunger coiled inside her stomach. iris was really sorry that vivianna had seen her like this; that she had stumbled upon her dark secret. vivianna was literally looking at the skeletons inside of iris’ closet and that shook her more than anything. she’d never planned on telling her, not yet at least, and had certainly not wanted to get caught looking like she’d taken a blood bath. she prayed for things to stay alright between them, but most of all for her girlfriend not to look at her any differently. she was trying to be optimistic about this whole situation, something that her hippie parents had taught her (“better to look at the bright side of things than the dark side” was something they always liked to say, which never made any fucking sense but iris wasn’t complaining). vivianna was the only person iris really trusted and loved, and losing her, or hell — being looked at differently, like a monster, like a sadistic killer — wasn’t something iris was looking forward to. anyway, bright side of things, right? chin up, chin up, she reminded herself. 

                              ❝ you’re right, we can’t. and we shouldn’t lie to each other. at least, not anymore. we should be a hundred and ten percent honest, ❞ iris said as she made her way out the bathroom, swinging the plastic bag back and forth. ❝ yeah, sure. think of me as a vigilante. a serial killing vigilante, ❞ she muttered that last part. iris walked towards the sliding glass doors that lead to the back, peering outside before unlocking the door. ❝ our neighbors won’t suspect a thing, and if they do? we’ll tell them to mind their business, or else, ❞ she shot her girlfriend a wicked smile, only mostly joking. ❝ look, i can throw this bag in our little bonfire and how about you go grab us some marshmallows so it looks like we got hit with munchies? i’ll be outside waiting. ❞ and without another word, she pulled open the door and slipped outside into the night.

a breath of relief fell from her lips as iris agreed with her. the last thing that vivianna wanted was to feel like she was in love with a stranger. she didn’t want to tip toe around iris, never knowing if the truth was being told or if there were more things she was kept in the dark about. trust was huge in their relationship and aside from this, iris had never given vivianna a reason to doubt her. while the situation was definitely short of ideal, she was confident that together they would find a way to work things out. doing her best to put on a show, a small smile remained on her features as she nodded her head. she couldn’t honestly say that she was paying full attention to the other, as there was currently a war going on in her head. a war between the girl she loved and the morals she held. if she would’ve just stayed asleep, none of this would’ve ever happened. well  — iris probably still would’ve come home soaked in blood and there still would’ve been things going on in the dark that viv knew nothing of, but she was okay with that. ignorance is bliss, especially in situations like this. however, they hadn’t gotten that lucky and it was left up to them to find the next move. the trust and love she’d instilled in iris hadn’t wavered, even in this moment of uncertainty. she was her person, and she’d be damned if she let her face this alone. 

                               ❝seriously baby, you can’t lie to me anymore, ❞ her voice trailed through the house, hoping to reach iris as she stayed in place.  ❝no matter how much you think you’re protecting me or whatever, we’re in this together now. and i might not like it, but i do love you and well, i’m kind of an accomplice now so you don’t really have a choice. ❞ her skin shivered at her girlfriends words, a small laugh being elicited in attempt to mask her shakiness. she nodded her head, watching iris slip outside and turning to grab the marshmallows like she’d been instructed. with a deep breath, she grabbed the marshmallows along with some graham crackers and chocolates. she walked toward the door, shaking off her unease and boasting out with a large smile.  ❝i got the marshmallows baby, we can make s’mores it’ll be fun. ❞ her tone was steady, the smile still on her features. if the neighbors did happen to get nosy, vivianna decided standing outside and looking like a hurt puppy wouldn’t help.

I loved him, I adored him. And I don’t know why I write that in the past tense, for I love him still.

Marcel Proust, from a letter to Reynaldo Hahn c. October 1914  (via siikens)

cain.

he closed his eyes and hummed peacefully at the feel of her fingers against his skin. this is what he had been missing out on for 300 years? god, he really had played himself. cain was raptured by this moment of sentiment and vulnerability, he wanted to hold onto this forever and never let go. the real life that waited for them outside that door would shatter what little peace they had managed to build, the progress they had made. it threatened to ruin his moment of happiness.

                                        ❝ i think you’d be a great actor. though, i suspect people might be worried when you win your 5th award after being in the industry for years and not aging, ❞ he made fun of her, grinning. ❝ honey. ❞ the word sounded like sweet, syrupy honey coming from her mouth. it made his chest tighten and he couldn’t help but peck her on the lips. ❝ i’m fine with sounding a little mad. beats being boring and sane. ❞

she couldn’t help but agree to his statement. after the years of experience she’s had, being an actress would be an easy feat compared to some of the harder things she’s done. besides, if she did recall correctly it wouldn’t be the first time she’d gone and pursued a career she probably shouldn’t have considering her... state of living. or the lack thereof. either way, she smiled over at him and tilted her head. 

                                 ❝i’d be like buffy the vampire slayer. except, instead of the vampire slayer i’d just be the vampire.❞ the peck on her lips was a welcomed surprise, inviting her to pull his face back to hers and kiss him once again. except this time, it wasn’t just a peck. she let her lips linger, a smile formed into the kiss before she pulled away.  ❝you’re right, it definitely does. we’ll have to find some really open minded friends though. ❞

mars.

mars wasn’t surprised to hear that she was a teacher. she seemed the part, what with her caring and peaceful aura. it was endearing, and if he must admit, cute. he wondered if he seemed like a social worker, like a guy who spent his time helping other people with their problems. funny to think about considering he was dealing with his own troubles. 

                             ❝ well, i’m glad you’re getting your own classroom, that’s really cool. seems like it’ll be crazy, though, working with kindergarteners and all. guess that’s a lot better than the alternative. high schoolers would probably eat you alive, ❞ he said, but he smiled to let her know that he was messing around. he liked hearing her talk, even if she felt like she talked too much. mars knew he could talk up a storm, so it was refreshing to meet someone who shared his own terrible habit. ❝ oh my god, i’m…i— ❞ his face was red as he scrambled to come up with something to say, and immediately started laughing at her own giggling. ❝ oh, you’re very funny. i did not curve you, but just for that, i think i’ll take you to mcdonald’s. their happy meals are the perfect size for you. ❞ he made a dig at her height, knowing she wasn’t that short but compared to him, he towered over her. 

her spirits soared at the topic of having her own classroom. for as long as she could remember, she’d dreamed of the day she’d get to be in one of her own. it had always been known to her that she wanted to teach kindergarten, loving the sponge like minds of children and their willingness to see the world as a positive place. her pinterest boards were practically an interior designers wet dream, with the extensive planning she’d done on just how she’d decorate her room. teacher of the year, here she comes. 

                           ❝kids only take advantage of you if you let them take advantage of you. they’re like wolves, they can smell your fear. ❞ this wasn’t one of her exaggerations. she’d learned early on in her teacher’s assisting that if they knew you weren’t confident, they would take advantage.  ❝highschoolers would not eat me alive. i can be assertive!❞ her arms crossed over her chest in a last ditch effort to prove herself. the conversation was effortless and she enjoyed that, almost hoping that the night wouldn’t end. she couldn’t help but laugh at his flustered speech, and the way he’d scrambled. ❝oh i’d love to go to mcdonalds, perfect place for a first... outing? ❞ that’s what she’d call it. and with that, she stuck her tongue out at him, only backing his comment about the happy meals. 

i joined a skeleton rp and... it’s taking up my life.

iris.

iris shivered from her girlfriend’s dry laughter and finished washing up. she made sure all of the soap was off her body and hair, and when that was done she twisted the shower off and stepped out. iris pulled a towel around her body and stepped toward vivianna, reaching out and grabbing her lover’s hand. she wanted to convey how sorry she was for this, for being caught. iris never intended for vivianna to find out about this, about her guilty pleasures. but here they were crossing a bridge that iris never wanted built in the first place. she had a panicking thought in that moment: was she going to break up with her? and if so, would she snitch on her? honestly, losing vivianna was a lot worst than facing jail time. she really hoped her girlfriend wasn’t going to dump her.

❝ you’re lying. you’re a terrible liar. you always have been. ❞ she chewed on her bottom lip. she looked at the bloody clothes on the floor and gave vivianna’s hand a squeeze. ❝ i don’t kill innocent people. i’m not that sick. do i look like dahmer? ❞ she said and rolled her eyes sarcastically. ❝ i only kill bad people, like rapists, murderers. people like that. ❞ she let go of vivianna’s hand and grabbed the plastic trash bag out of the wastebasket, and used it like a glove to pick up the bloody clothes. she tied a knot in the bag and looked over at her girlfriend. ❝ trust me, you’re not the only one shook here. let’s burn these and the shoes while we talk, okay? ❞

her hand entwined with her girlfriends, hoping to provide both of them with comfort. with a soft squeeze she gazed up at her, a forlorn expression riddling her features. the part in this all that confused vivianna the most was the fact that she hadn’t considered leaving yet. the fact that it was highly unlikely that she would consider leaving at all. she was hard headed and stubborn, but she wasn’t one to walk away. nor did she feel like it was necessary. sure, she’d found iris covered in blood and discovered her deepest, darkest secret, but iris hadn’t done anything to hurt her. come to think of it, iris had never done anything besides love her, and fill her with an unspeakable amount of happiness. 

                           ❝we can’t both be good liars, lover.❞ she rose from her seated position and looked down at iris, placing a small kiss on her forehead to let her know she wasn’t going anywhere. she was still confused, and still a bit scared, but she wasn’t running. ❝okay, i can handle that. well, i can handle it better than thinking you’re going out and just murdering random people for the hell of it, at least. you’re like... a vigilante! that’s what you are. yeah.❞ if she dressed it up it didn’t seem so bad. she could almost forget that it was completely illegal, and even more immoral. the things you did for love. nodding her head, she motioned toward the door and waited for iris to take the lead. ❝yeah, i guess. won’t a fire at 2 am be a little weird to the neighbors?❞

iris.

iris could hear the tone of her voice, practically see the venom dripping from the other girl’s mouth. alright, her girlfriend was freaking out, and it wasn’t doing much to calm iris’ nerves. yes, she appeared calm, cool, and collected, but on the inside she was shaken. it felt like the world had just split open and swallowed her whole. when you first start dating someone there’s always that sense of you ruining it from your imperfections, from the way you chew with your mouth open or the fact that your fart stinks underneath the blankets. except iris’ sense of ruining things never went away, that comfortability of just being had never really came, because her cracks ran deeper than just mundane behaviors. she was a killer, for gods sake. she had kept this secret for so long and after being so careful, it had all came crumbling in a matter of seconds at 2AM on a friday night. she felt like she was on an examination table and vivianna was picking and prodding, finally seeing her for what she was…and this didn’t sit well with her.

                                        ❝ listen, honey. i know you’re freaking out. i know this isn’t something normal, so i’m trying to make this easy as possible for you and for me. ❞ she squeezed shampoo into her hand and began lathering it into her hair. ❝ yes, yes, this is all disgusting. to put it simply, i’ve been doing this before we got together. there’s really no why to it. it’s just…what i do. look, ❞ she stuck her head out the shower and looked at vivianna, squinting her eyes, ❝ i’m fine. i’m peachy keen. it’s not like you didn’t catch me with my hand in the cookie jar. if anything, are you okay? you look very pale. don’t pass out. i can’t catch you with all this soap and water on my hands, you’d slip right out my hold and onto the floor. ❞ 

a few deep breaths was all it took to bring her nerves to a normal level. maybe slightly more than normal, but significantly lower than they’d been previously. a humorless laugh filled the air before she shook her head in disbelief. memories of the two over the years made their way to the forefront of her mind. from the first time they met, to the countless nights they’d spend talking about everything under the moon, their late night ice cream runs, the little things that had stuck with her throughout time. it was unbelievable to her that during each one of these memories, her girlfriend had an agenda of her own. one that, had she not stupidly gotten out of bed, vivianna never would’ve known about. then again, wasn’t it better to proceed with no lies rather than to continue based on them? she decided that it was. 

                                 ❝i’m not freaking out, i’m perfectly fine.❞ she lied. she was freaking out, and there was no denying that. anyone could see that she was obviously shaken, but she could sense that her girlfriend was just as shaken as she was, if not more. adding to her stress was on the least of her priorities at the moment. ❝if there’s no why then, you’re just going out and killing innocent people? for what? that doesn’t make sense, baby, and you know it doesn’t.❞ she was really praying on the fact that iris would correct her, tell her that no, i’m not just doing it because. that there was some sort of rhyme or reason to this madess. ❝don’t worry, i’m not gonna faint. not until you get all cleaned up at least, i would hate to be the reason that there’s a big mess in two rooms of the house. i’m not gonna say i’m okay, because i’m a little shook, but i will live.❞

iris.

iris allowed vivianna to take her hand, finding comfort in her girlfriend’s soft fingers. she flipped on the bathroom light and twisted the knob on the shower all the way to the left, watching the water shot out and change from cold to hot fast, steam already rising in the air. iris looked at herself in the mirror, seeing the blood caked all over her face and hair. it was dried up now, the rich darkness of it all. there was blood on her shirt and pants, soaked into the fabric. ruined. she would have to throw these clothes away, obviously. she glanced at her girlfriend in the mirror and gave her a small smile. she really did feel bad about this. usually, she was quick at coming home and cleaning herself up. whenever she went out on her outings she wore thrifted clothes, gloves, and plastic. lots of plastic. she liked to keep the blood off of her, but sometimes, like tonight, that was easier said than done. 

                            ❝ i really am sorry you had to see me like this, ❞ she said to vivianna, looking a little sheepish. she started to strip out of her clothes, tossing her shirt and pants on the floor and standing in front of her girlfriend in her underwear. ❝ i am a lot cleaner, viv. i mean, if i wasn’t, you would’ve already caught me. i’m careful about what i do and how i do it. i never make a mistake. ❞ except tonight she had. fuck, that was going to irk her. whatever. on the brightside, she had gotten away. she could be behind bars right now. she stripped out her underwear and stepped into the shower, loving the feel of the hot water running down her back. there was so much blood on her body and hair that the water down the drain ran red. ❝ alright. go ahead, say what you want and then have your heart attack while i wash off. ❞

the nonchalant demeanor iris was maintaining was doing less to comfort vivianna, and more to work at her nerves. she didn’t understand how she could be so calm, couldn’t fathom how she’d desensitized herself to the point that this was a normal occurrence. something deeming a simple, ‘oh, oops ! you weren’t suppose to see that,’ and moving on. and perhaps to her it was, but to vivianna it was easily comparable to the end of the fucking world. she watched intently as iris undressed, finding it hard to focus on her figure and how entrancing she was as she normally would. instead, her eyes focused on the caked up blood and the dark cloud looming over them.

                                 ❝i would’ve already caught you, meaning this isn’t the first time this has happened. meaning you’ve gotten out of our bed, gone into the night and did whatever the fuck it is you tried to do tonight, and then came home and got back into bed with me.❞ her tone was calculated, her face twisting up in disgust as she watched the blood run down the drain, painting their tub a deep red with it.  ❝first of all, that,❞ the word was laced with disgust as she motioned to the blood running down the drain. ❝is disgusting. second of all, you’re out of your fucking mind. third of all, care to tell me how long this has been going on? and why? and lasty, are you positive that you’re okay?❞ she wanted to question about her ability to stealthily make it back home, but refrained as to limit the extent that she irritated the other. 

isis.

she did NOT believe what she was hearing, what was actually happening. her girlfriend was scared…of her? probably. ouch. that burned. that hurt worse than the kick she’d gotten from that guy before he’d dialed the cops. as if she would ever dream of hurting vivianna, as if she would even imagine doing something like that. of course, iris knew her girlfriend didn’t mean to come off as if she was terrified of her, but it still felt like a smack to the face. she had to breath in and out again, squeezing the bridge of her nose for a moment before nodding her head swiftly. 

                  ❝ anybody would be an idiot to think that i would ever harm you, ❞ she said, her tone was heavy, and she made direct eye contact. there was emphasis on iris’ words because she wanted her girlfriend to know that she didn’t need to be scared of her directly. yes, she could be frightened of this totally awkward ‘hey, i just caught you after a wild night of ( attempted ) murder’ but that she didn’t need to fear for her safety. ❝ there’s no cops on my tail. i really just want to get this blood off of me. i can feel it caking up in my hair. tell me, seriously, baby, is it all over my face? i swear i can feel it dried up on my forehead. ❞ as she was speaking, she ran her fingers through her hair and started walking towards their bedroom. her mind was on the much needed shower. she knew that this conversation wasn’t over and had no problems continuing it as long as she got to clean herself up, too. 

the look of hurt in iris’ eyes was enough to soften vivianna up. sure, she had just done whatever the hell it was she just did, but vivianna knew iris. she knew that despite how messy the situation looked, she had no reason to be scared. besides, feigning ignorance seemed 20 times easier than facing the reality of what was happening. with a swift movement the distance between the two was nearly closed and vivianna was examining her partner. her eyes looked over her in a sweeping motion, checking for any injuries she would’ve acquired in... her activities. she smelled distinctly of pennies and viv was realizing quickly that she really needed to shut up and let iris get cleaned up. 

                                ❝it’s um, yeah, it’s everywhere.❞ with that she followed quickly behind, not particularly wanting to be alone after finding out this news. while iris was calm and collected, vivianna was feeling the paranoia for both of them. she felt an annoying urge to look over her shoulder every two seconds and decided that staying close to iris would be the best option for her. upon reaching their bedroom, she gripped onto iris’ hand and pulled her easily into the bathroom. ❝okay, let’s get you cleaned up. god, baby, you couldn’t have been, i don’t know, cleaner about it?❞

is zayn ok... askjfhasf

iris.

it didn’t get pass iris the way vivianna had moved backwards when she had stepped forward, as if burned by some invisible force. she couldn’t help the emotion of betrayal run through her body, and she crossed her arms as the other girl took a seat on the floor. at least she hadn’t ran. yes, she’d stepped back as if iris had brandished a knife and was going to kill her too, but that was better than the alternative. iris let out a breath and tapped her foot impatiently. the blood was going to dry in her hair, and she wanted to finishing cleaning herself off, ridding of the evidence, but she knew that vivanna needed to talk to her. so she pushed back those feelings and began to talk.

                            ❝ if you have a heart attack, i think that’ll be hard to explain to the paramedics when they get here. ‘hey, guys, don’t mind my bloodiness. just save my girlfriend,’ ❞ iris mumbled as she rolled her eyes. ❝ okay. viv, baby, usually i have enough time to clean myself off and dispose of my clothes, but you really caught me by surprise tonight. you just had to wake up tonight. you just couldn’t, oh, i don’t know, sleep through the night. and god, ❞ iris threw her arms up in exasperation, mostly talking to herself now, ❝ that idiot asshole knocked me down and got to his phone before i could just slit his… ❞ she realized where she was going, how annoyed she sounded about not killing someone, and how weird that might appear to her already frazzled girlfriend. she crouched down and looked at vivianna, an apologetic smile on her face. ❝ i’m really sorry you had to see me like this, hon. ❞ 

dumbfounded was the only way to describe how she was feeling. along with grief, betrayal, confusion, maybe a little terrified? so what if that wasn’t the only way to describe how she felt. her mind was moving at a mile a minute and if it weren’t too dramatic to say so, she’d say the room felt as if it were spinning. not to mention, it was two o’clock in the fucking morning and iris decided that now was the perfect time to reveal to her that she was some sort of murderer. leave it to iris to never fail to surprise, it was like a signature she’d perfected. while she should’ve known to expect the unexpected, she never could’ve imagined this.

                             ❝they’d probably put two and two together that you came home, after leaving me alone in bed might i add ( totally not cool ) and came home covered in blood, ultimately making me find out that you kill people? or at least, you were going to kill this person? and then, because your cover was blown you killed me.❞ the last bit was meant to be humorous, but she couldn’t help shooting her a look that conveyed ‘please don’t kill me.’ her explanation wasn’t a very good one, but viv decided that it was all she needed to hear. although viv wasn’t quite fond of others either, she’d never considered killing someone. however, she decided that with all of the blood dripping on the floor and drying on iris, now wasn’t the time to question her about it. ❝i’m really sorry too, i should’ve just went back to sleep but i didn’t so like, lets clean everything up? we’re not about to have police swarm through our house, right?❞

— iris.

okay, think, think, iris thought to herself. her mind was panicky, her body was on fire with nerves, and her heart was racing a mile a minute. she was disorganized, her thoughts all over the place and unable to conjure a reasonable explanation. of course, there was no reasonable way to explain why someone would be in their kitchen covered in blood besides the complete obvious. all hands pointed to exactly what her girlfriend, who was giving her this wide eyed, incredulous look, had come up with: murder. okay. great. this was fucking perfect. iris raised both of her slightly bloody, soaking wet hands into the air and tried to smile easily. vivianna was probably having a mini heart attack (pft, so was iris), and so she had to approach this situation carefully. 

                               ❝ i’m fine. the other asshole? not so much, but he’ll live, ❞ she muttered the last words, rolling her eyes. ❝ god, babe. i’m so glad nothing can get passed you. ❞ her tone was so sarcastic, and she realized now wasn’t the time to be her usual sassy self. speaking lightly, she took a step forward. ❝ i know this looks really crazy, but i can explain myself. you just have to promise me you won’t faint. ❞

this couldn’t actually be happening. at least, that’s what she told herself to keep from making a mad dash for their room and locking herself in for an ungodly amount of time. she remained frozen in her spot, eyes locked on the girl’s figure as she attempted to wrap her mind around this. but how could she, when the person she considered to be her lover, whom she thought she knew like the back of her hand, turned around and brought herself into a new light? it took every ounce of self control she had to stop herself from having a dramatic outburst. after all, she couldn’t find it in herself to not be terrified, and although her better reasoning told her that iris would never bring her harm she couldn’t help but proceed with a skittish nature.

                              ❝ well, i’m glad you’re okay. ❞ which she meant wholeheartedly. regardless of the events that led to iris standing in their kitchen looking like she’d just come from a horror movie, vivianna felt a sense of relief knowing that she was perfectly fine. cautiously, she took a step back as the other inched forward.  ❝i will promise you i won’t faint but i can’t promise you i won’t like... have a heart attack or something. and i think this will require me to sit down so i’m just gonna...❞ and with her sentence trailing off, she plopped down in a criss cross applesauce formation, right in the hallway leading to their kitchen. 

text; 😇

DYLAN: okay i'm trying to feed him a bite

DYLAN: he sniffed it and didnt eat it

DYLAN: he hates avocado

DYLAN: i'm making him a piece of regular toast

ADDIE: he hates avocado

ADDIE: what kind of ... being hates avocado

ADDIE: dylan we might have to get a new dog :(