Ребёнок щаслив

1. a couple months ago a publicist invited me to a concert and i accepted her invite and she said she’d add my name to the guest list. the night of the concert i was feeling a little tired and not entirely up for walking all the way to the venue and standing around listening to a band i’d never heard of. but then, as i was making dinner, i thought, “why don’t you pretend this is a date night with bill hader?” i realize this is an insane person thing to think. i do often go to concerts with friends; i am not in the habit of pretending bill hader is accompanying me to concerts. but that night i did put on the band’s album and pretend that bill hader was dancing around the kitchen with me while i cooked. and then i pretended that bill hader threw his arm around me on the walk to the venue and walked slower than usual because he’s taller and his paces are longer than mine. then i got to the venue. and i told the lady in the ticket booth that i was on the guest list. and i gave her my name. and she handed me two tickets, and she said, “here, for you and your plus one.” i was all alone in front of the box office. there was no one else around. at no point leading up to this had the publicist mentioned giving me a plus one. i laughed a little to myself at the idea of Imaginary Bill Hader being given his own ticket and then i went inside.

2. on the way home from acting class tonight, a long walk in the cold, i came upon a diner lit in warm golden hues, and i hadn’t eaten all day, and it looked irresistible, so i went inside. “for one,” i said, and the hostess said, “do you want to eat at the bar?” and i said, “no thanks, could i sit at a table?” and i was ushered to a table for two. it was a pretty busy night and i was kind of self-conscious about being the only person eating alone so i was like, “well okay i’ll just imagine i’m on a date with bill hader again haha.” and so i sat there and enjoyed some very good sweet potato ravioli with chestnut-cream sauce, and what was perhaps the best cheesecake i’d ever eaten in my life, all the while imagining bill hader seated in the empty chair across from me. and then at the end of the meal, my waitress came and cleared away my dessert plate, and she looked at me, and then she looked at the empty chair, and then she looked back at me, and then she said, “are you paying separate or together?” again, the other seat was empty. i had been sitting at this table fully by myself for the entire duration of the meal. the waitress had come by the table perhaps five or six times over the course of the hour, seeing me completely alone. and i said, “sorry?” and she said, “separate or together?” and i said, “…together?” and she said, “cool, do you need the machine?” and i said, “yes” and she brought the machine over and i paid, because my dinner companion, despite apparently being visible to my waitress, was imaginary bill hader. 

Florence Pugh as Jean Tatlock OPPENHEIMER (2023) dir. Christopher Nolan

CHAPPELL ROAN Coachella — April 12, 2024

I know damn well F. Scott Fitzgerald didn't write this

some chappell roans from my sketchbook :)

remaking since things have slowed down!

i am job searching with no unemployment checks, i'm in danger of having utilities shut off so please help with anything you can! share widely!

but do NOT tag this post!!!

aka do not tag this post.

it’s green/cshp

it’s coffee/k0fi

it’s dark blue/yellow/p@ypal

it’s blue/v3nm0

My three girlfriends. And yes, they smoke weed.

ate

Every episode of supernatural I watch one of them is saying “we should Go and Hunt Monsters on The Road” and the other is saying “are you sure? What about that Recent Traumatic Event?” And then the first one goes “what would make me feel better is to Hunt, and Kill Monsters, on The Road”

i love it when male biographers talk shit on women for rejecting their male biographees bc the misogyny inevitably goes so far it turns into homoeroticism naruto-style

American Psycho (2000) dir. Mary Harron