i owe... drafts to thyme, nyaaron, and vale. sorry angels for taking so long, i will get around to them eventually. school has just very much been hurting my one braincell and i have no motivation to write  . i am in a permanent state of Apologetic

“Nostalgia? No, something else, sometimes an inexplicable sadness.”

— Ingeborg Bachmann, from Three Paths to the Lake; “Word for Word,”

He runs at Gentaro throwing his hands around his midsection , a muffled "Gentaro gets a treat ! " He hands him a box filled with an assortment of matcha & other loose teas. There's a nice new classical looking tea cup in the set as well , stuffed to the brim with candy , a more typical treat for the holiday.

Oh? He wasn’t expecting this, but he graciously accepts the box nonetheless - eyes widening subtly in surprise as he examines its contents. The corner of his lips lift into a smile, head inclining just the slightest. A light hum escapes his lips as he fingers through a few of the tea packets, looking rather pleased ( for there were quite a few he’d been wanting to try for a while now ). Furthermore, the tea cup was exquisite - something he was absolutely excited to add to his collection at home. “Ah, all this for me? Hm, is there something you’re wanting to ask from me in return? Truly a master of bribery... I’m only kidding~” A pause, A thoughtful gift, a sincere and kind gesture he hadn’t anticipated - how could he possibly return the sentiment? He holds the box carefully, opting to set it aside on the ground for just a moment before he takes a step forward to wrap his arms around the other. “Thank you Ramuda. This is much appreciated.” 

@candypopped

  【 EXCLUSIVE | INDIE | ORIGINAL OC 】

㈩                      -   LORCAN-                      ㈩ ㈩                    -       RULES -                      ㈩ ㈩                    -    ALUCARD -                    ㈩

       【    Who would ever Allow us to put              our Filthy hands upon Him?     】  

" yumeno-san.. d-do you want to go get coffee? you look kind of down.. "

Oh? Was it obvious? It makes him a bit uneasy to think someone could spot his vulnerabilities with such ease - he’s quick to answer with a smile, the usual pleasant, unbothered quirk of the lips ( however, lacking mischief this time around ) ( this man is nothing like an enigma right now, perhaps if anything - fearfully honest ). “Hm? Down? Perhaps your eyes are deceiving you...” Words trail off - he could tease, spin an exaggerated tale - perhaps say his house burnt down, or that his latest novel was a flop, perhaps he witnessed a horrible event - what was the use of lying in this moment however? He doesn’t quite feel like lying right now, not now. “But... a coffee would be very nice. If you have the time, I’d be glad to.” 

gendice is officially over because dice doesn’t even kiss his boyfriend @fategambled

#LMAO LOOK AT THIS LOSER ANDHIS YAOI BOOKS

champagne glass tilts and spills liquid all over the pages, until it's contents are emptied. it was probably an expensive drink, but hifumi doesn't care - in fact, he didn't even look at the price tag. he finds watching gentaro's expression much more entertaining, ' oopsies ~ i'm kiiinda tipsy, so these kind of accidents can happen, you feel? '

He can’t believe this is actually happening - he’s too stunned to say a single word or do anything, merely offering a sharp inhale of offense as soon as the pages are thoroughly soaked. The brunette feels himself tremble - and there’s laughter bubbling in the back of his throat that threatens to spill forth ( is this situation worth tears or laughter? He wants to do both ). Gentaro opts to stand abruptly, palms pushing himself away from the table where he sat - a smile creeping onto his lips, pleasant despite the obvious anger rolling off of him in waves. “Ah, yes, I completely understand Hifumi-kun. It’s no problem, don’t worry about it.” A pause, throat clearing. “I’m only kidding~ I hope that’s not what you were expecting me to say~ I hope you know I’m not going to forgive you very easily for this, for ruining my special yaoi books.” 

🤕Hit 👊 or miss😳 I guess 🤔they 👉never ❌ miss, huh 😕😕? You 🙌got 🤪a boyfriend😍, I bet 🎰😶he 😨doesn't 👎kiss 😘😘 ya🤭 mwah💖

“Ah. Hifumi-kun…. How are you doing that with your voice?”

How distasteful, how annoying. 

“Please consider... stopping.”

jasminesaura‌:

Just like always, every word he uttered was filled with raw emotion, captivating his heart and making his eyes widen with genuine excitement with every detail put into the setting and the story. Attention to detail was always Gentaro’s forte, but also a double edge sword– with every meticulous, well-crafted sentence, it served as a reminder of the wedge that separated them. Shackles kept him bound, and he could tell with these woven stories that Gentaro tried in vain to loosen them. 

How many times would he see those bruises on his fingers?

How many times would he see that defeated look on his face? How many times would he tirelessly try to pull him into his world of splendor filled with golden flowers and white petals that surrounded them?

… Ah. He’s finishing his story. Looks like both he and Tachibana shared something in common: they were both liars and cowards, parallel lines that always went the same direction but never met. As the days rolled on and those flowers began to wilt, Tachibana realized that meaning was more and more true.

He’s a fool, a hopeless lovesick fool, but at least he could make Gentaro happy, even for a moment.

‘ You can take it easy if you’re not feeling well, Gentaro, ‘ soft reassurance emphasized with his fingers tapping against Gentaro’s arm, his smile as gentle as ever.

‘ Did you stay up all night writing this again? You have bags under your eyes. ‘

“Do I? I didn’t think it was that noticeable...” The corner of his lips upturn into a small smile, attempting to shake loose the dread settling within his heart. Ah, how he’s thankful for an excuse - how merciful Tachibana was, an angel truly. But he had always been too good for this world, wasn’t he? Perhaps that would be why elsewhere was calling Tachibana forth, a place that transcended this finite realm but god, how Gentaro never wanted him to go. 

"But to answer your question, unfortunately that was the case. I have another deadline coming up at the end of the week.” He settles upon that, and leaves it precisely at that - words spinning skillful white lies, strengthening the front he puts on in front of his dear friend. If only he could spin a reality that could be theirs, one that was merciful to both of them: one where Tachibana was healthy and truly happy, one where Gentaro would be safe in loving him ( for nothing would take him away, it would be them and only them ). 

The book is left momentarily forgotten as he sets it down upon his lap, hand moving to gently grasp those slender fingers within his own hands - giving a small squeeze of reassurance. 

“I’m fine, but perhaps we’ll continue this story another time.” Please, he doesn’t it to end yet. 

He lets go of his hand ( though a desperate part of him wants that to be the last thing he ever does ), clearing his throat quietly. 

“How are you feeling today?”

                                     Once, I was afraid of death and would wash my hands until they welted                                    and the skin scraped off. I know so much about blood I can sense it before it is                                   spilled, can feel the                      wounds before they are made.

— Brynne Rebele-Henry, from “Self-portrait as a broken Venus statuette,” Autobiography of a Wound

if you must die sweetheart, die knowing your life was my life’s best part

“Ah. I’m sorry, it appears I’ve lost my train of thought....” A merciful lie choked from between lips that desperately swallow back every tidal wave of anxieties  ( though it’s so hard to swallow with his throat so tight ) - the invisible hand of grief wound tight around his neck like a rope, relentless and unmerciful. But he has no right to grieve, there’s no place for grief - not when Tachibana is right there beside him, patiently awaiting for Gentaro to continue onto the next sentence. How abruptly his words had trailed off, Gentaro suddenly still for a few heartbeats of silence. How unlike him to have a moment of weakness, he wills himself to regain composure - but today was one of the harder days, it was one of the days where the realization that this shared moment of content was so utterly fragile - just like this precious friend of his sitting beside him. With each passing heartbeat, time continued to slip further and further through his fingertips - it’s nauseating to know their time together is on a timer bound to click to a stop any second. His grip tightens on the book, and he wills himself to concentrate - read the words, speak them aloud but he can only concentrate on his heartbeat so painful within his breast, so loud within his ears - each steady drum that asserts, “Don’t go, don’t go.”

Oh, but he’s a liar and a coward: and he cannot will himself to say those words aloud either. 

closed starter / for @jasminesaura

@mcbigbro

please send prayers

pressing f for cleo 

hostbeats replied to your post: that’s really just how it is on this bitch of an...

sorry for your loss

yeah me too :) 

that’s really just how it is on this bitch of an earth huh

me: i wanna write

someone: then… write?

me: