pre-what???

HEY HEY THIS WINTER BREAK IS ALL ABOUT SELF-CARE YOU GUYS. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES. REJUVENATE, REVITALIZE. COME BACK FRESH AND NEW FOR WINTER QUARTER/THE NEW YEAR AND BE READY TO TACKLE ALL THE SHIT THAT COMES YOUR WAY. i love you all and i am here for you <3

guess who’s back. back again.

it’s not slim shady i’m telling you now!!! jacqui reminded me that tumblr is once again a thing but like by choice now and it just made me curious to see what’s going on behind the scenes in everyone’s lives. i love to see how open and honest everyone is being, baring their souls to one another bc honestly it’s a hard thing to do. to show so much of yourself to people and trust that they’ll respect what you’re going through. i admire you all so much for it bc it’s something i can’t do or something i struggle with. if i think about it, i never talk about my problems or my feelings or my thoughts with the gammas minus w shequila and tammy that one time and it makes me sad. its not bc i dont trust u guys w my life or love you wholeheartedly. it’s just not how i’m built. so i promise to try a little more; don’t mind me lurking on your posts while i work on myself hehe luv u guys

reflection

wow, how is it time for this already? it feels like these past several weeks have been the longest but also the fastest of my life. each individual day dragged on, especially those days with no sleep, but here i am, week 9, everything coming to a close from my first year in university to my pledge quarter.

coming into this quarter, i has some vague notion of what was coming my way: the sleepless nights, the jam-packed days, the stress and the anxiety - all from watching Tim deteriorate fall quarter (lmaoooo he looked awful❤️). but looking back on it now, i realize that i never could have truly prepared for everything that happened. i think i-night especially gave me this first shock that this quarter was nothing like anything i could have imagined or would have thought it would be.

i wanna day that what i’ve learned from this quarter are many things i haven’t really had time to reflect on even now. but one thing that comes to mind is how i really am capable of handling all my shit mentally but also how often i keep it all to myself. i definitely had a couple of moments where all the work that we had to do in addition to all the studying i had to do caught up with me and got to me. i definitely slipped up the first couple weeks and did not study as hard as i should have. and i’m hoping my grind in these last couple of weeks in addition to the finals grind in about to head into will pay off. i think i realized a lot of this quarter is about having a positive mindset and learning to roll with the punches. and boy, there were a lot of punches. i think one of the best things is how many people i’ve met and developed relationships and friendships with. it definitely stressed one of my strengths (extroversion) and allowed me to kind of just run free with that and i don’t think i’ve ever been so satisfied with being able to get to know people. i also realized that one of my weaknesses is my love for napping. all the times i should have been studying but i fell victim to the lovely arms of sleep. i definitely treasure my sleep a lot more now, good lord.

i’m hoping after all of this i’ll be a lot better at managing my time since i really won’t have any excuse to not have done everything i needed to do. second year is the year for comebacks and i swear to god it’ll happen. i’m also excited to just expand all of my boundaries and have the time to do new things again.

i most definitely forgot all about my smart goals as this quarter went on but it’s ok!! i’m happy with where i am right now; i’m excited to have all these new people to continue my college journey with and (if i push myself to go) i even have new gym buddies!! this quarter has been a hell of a ride and i both loved and hated it, will miss it and will be so glad it’s over.

my plant Katara is still thriving. good for her HAHAH

above all, i’ve come to realize that i truly cherish the moments i get to facetime and talk to my family and that i miss them so much. and that i have such a caring and supportive boyfriend who means the world to me and friends whom i miss dearly bc i haven’t seen them but who have been supporting me from afar.

i am so blessed to have been given this opportunity to grow and love and laugh with all of these people by my side.

peace out for maybe the last time my peeps🤪💕

GO APPLE GRANDMAS

5.30.18

today was such a rushed day. from barely getting any sleep to going to santa monica to coming back and doing thing after thing after thing, i felt like i couldn’t even breathe!! this feeling will not be missed. the good news is that i underestimated myself and i was sort of fine in the end. minus the math hwk i rushed out the hour before it was due but it’s fine everything is FINE

5.29.18

this morning it was really cold, and then it was really hot, and now it is really freaking cold once again. i don’t like this temperamental weather. i miss san diego where it was nice and sunny and breezy all the time. i do not know how i am surviving on two-three hours of sleep but i’m doing it. i’m really craving the chicken udon from rendez rn bc it’s so cold and i want something warm ughh. i wanna go back to the hill but so many things to do here:(

PT 3

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 

BOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII THERES NOT ENOUGH TIME IN THE DAY FOR EVERYTHING! 

5.28.18

Happy Memorial Day, everyone! I am back here at UCLA after a very long three hour car ride (which isn’t that bad but I sat in the middle seat so it was entirely uncomfortable). I hate being back to reality but oh well, life goes on. Um, I was very dumb and left my wallet in my cousin’s glove compartment back in San Diego. BUT LUCKILY one of my friends is still down there and my cousin was able to drive to where she’s staying to drop it off. My friend just boarded her train to come back to LA, and so I will have my shit soon!! It’s such an inconvenience to not have your ID, which I realized when I couldn’t get up the elevator, or into my room, or pay for my laundry. Why am I this dumb?? 

5.27.18

day 2 was even more lit!!! what a great and relaxing weekend this has been. i really don’t want to go back to the business of school but at the very least midterms are over and i have a two week break before the finals grind. this weekend has honestly been a dream. why aren’t more people obsessed with san diego??? the weather is so much better than la, the air isn’t polluted, the water is clean, the freeways have wide open lanes, and traffic isn’t god awful. i want to live in la jolla someday. wishful thinking bc im gonna be in debt!!! one more day to enjoy this memorial day weekend and i’m going to make the most of it!! byeee

5.26.18

last night was SO MUCH FUNNNN!! it’s even better because i can relax post-midterms and i’m here w some people i love most in the world!! met up with my middle school and high school friends in the past day and a half, also accidentally took a 5 hour nap today but it’s okay! i’m well-rested for day 2. it’s been so idyllic just hanging around san diego. honestly i think i like it better down here bc at my cousins apartment i have a full bed (not some twin xl shit) and i can use her car. amazing. and the weather is so much nicer than LA. well anyway gonna enjoy the rest of the weekend to the fullest extent possible❤️❤️😤❤️😤❤️🤪

hi big, i love you, ok bye

To: my BIGGIE BIGGIE BIGGIE

Jonathan Shih,

Can’t you seeeeee that i only annoy you and make fun of you because i LOVE YOU big!! You’re like the (annoying) older brother that I’ve always wanted and you fulfill that role (surprisingly) well. 

If I’m being completely honest, I did not expect you to be my big at all, but when I found out it was you at reveals, it just made sense to me. I didn’t know why then, but I do know why now. 

You’re the person who calls me out on my shit and keeps me on track, who tells me when I’m being dumb and irresponsible (even if I don’t necessarily always listen to you hehe). You’re the person who will sass me right back and brighten my mood any day any time with your witty repartee. You’re the person who will eat the rest of my food because I get full so quickly, which is perfect because you have an endless appetite (yes i’m calling you fat, hehe jk). You’re the person who will get uncomfortably close to my boyfriend but make me laugh all while doing so, no matter the shitty mood I am in. You’re the person who understands why I don’t feel the need to share my thoughts, my emotions, my problems with other people, but also knows when something’s wrong.

SO, thank you for everything you have done for me. Thank you for caring for me despite my “oh it depends” answers, for making sure I was okay after Monday meetings and running nights (even if you knew the answer already), for all the food and the boba runs, for all your wise advice and even your sass. Thank you for being so present and there for me in the past couple of weeks, even though you technically don’t have to and even though you have so much other shit going on in your life.

I know I don’t say it enough, and I don’t necessarily express it as often as I should. but I LOVE YOU BIG, and I AIN’T EVER GONNA STOP LOVING YOU BIG. 

Love,

yo litto

5.25.18

today’s the day y’all. the day I finish with midterms for this quarter/year, the day that I WILL do well on my math midterm because I need to. i’m just hoping my prof doesn’t screw me over yet again. but it’s rave day y’all!!! i’ll be in sd in 12 hours and that is what is essentially getting me through today. hopefully those good vibes positively influence the outcome of my math midterm.

To: Pledgemaster Hwang

Dear Mr. Jonathan Hwang,

You went from being a deep and scary voice in the dark, to an even more intimidating character once we saw you in the dim lights of Kinsey, and finally someone to whom we could put a name to his face. 

Despite your initial terrifying presence, my fellow pledges and I have grown to love you for all the time, effort, and energy you have been put into developing the different activities and tests designed to help us grow personally and professionally. You mentioned during our interview that you wanted to become a PM in an effort to mature yourself as well, and I do hope that you have gotten as much out of these past several weeks as we have. 

I honestly admired how you always managed to keep a straight face during meetings since we did a lot of dumb and ridiculous things. What is your secret to that?? And also, your outfits were always 11/10 during meetings; always a new and dope suit. Your skin, additionally, is flawless, and I would love to know your skincare routine (please). I think one of the funniest things for me was how Ms. Ellen Niu and other actives told us that you had different types of “deep” voices that you wanted to use on us and (sorry, but...) how different your normal talking voice is to your PM voice. You definitely created a working persona and played your part well.

I am so glad that I had the time to speak with you one-on-one and to express my gratitude towards you for the countless hours you spent preparing meeting notes and coming up with creative punishments for us (I appreciate it retrospectively). Still shook that you would fly out right after running nights to places like Hawaii and Seattle for “mini” trips. TFTI.

Well anyway, this is the end of my letter.

Lots of love,

Katelyn Nguyen

5.24.18

i’m very mad that my luck of the draw is actually complete ass and i have a midterm tomorrow. yes i’m stressed about it, but that’s not the worst part. it feels like i cant fully enjoy all the moments i spend w my apple grandmas and how absent i had to be last night and this morning when we should all have been making mems together. i may have been just a room away but the FOMO was too real. i despise math and i need to never ever take another math class ever again. this weekend will be a good break from school and allow me to find the energy to push through this final stretch

To Pledgemaster Ellen Niu :)

Dear Ms. Ellen Niu,

Thank you does not even begin to cover how grateful I am to both you and Mr. Jonathan Hwang. You have put in endless hours of work, time, and energy into developing and perfecting the Alpha Gamma pledge quarter and into helping us pledges grow personally and professionally. 

Thank you for caring enough to come up with different activities and lessons and assignments to teach us something about ourselves. Thank you for devoting one-two hours every Monday and Wednesday to our pledge class (despite the scoldings and the punishments) to help us grow. Thank you for being part of the driving force behind an organization that has brought sixteen wonderful people into my life and also brought me close to them on an entirely different level that I have not experienced before. 

Here we are, several weeks later, and it’s finally time for us to have a one-on-one conversation! We have progressed from me flinching in meetings every time you called my name to me sprinting out of Chick-Fil-A to me also running away from you when some other pledges and I saw you in your grad dress for grad pics (btw you looked so pretty!!; also running seems to be a common theme here) to me setting up an interview with you. I am so so SO excited for our interview next Tuesday and to get to know you better. Ms. Michele Shi mentioned in her post that you are from San Ramon, aka you are a Bay Area native! Instant connection.

Lots of love,

Katelyn Nguyen

P.S. I have never felt more betrayed than when I found out that you are actually the BLS Director and not Mr. Michael Hashimoto.

P.P.S. Except maybe when you revealed you live with our p-mom Ms. Tiffany Chen.

5.23.18

hello hello everybody. i started off my day technically by waking up from a 10 hour sleep. it began as an hour nap and ended as that, so yes i’m doing great. then math stressed me out to the point where i had a slight mental breakdown for five minutes but i’m feeling better now. math really freaking sucks and i cannot wait to just be done with it but in order to do that i have to pass this class. and the sad thing is that even if it were any other quarter and not this particular one, i’d still be doing poorly, that is how much i suck at math. but i am extremely grateful for the kind and understanding people in my life who are here for me and constantly support me. y’all are the real ones and i love you