Ever do like too many mushrooms and then have a surreal morning of watching the sunrise and giggling like a little kid over your cat’s face and have a few moments of realization and clarity and then pass out for like 8 hours and have to go back to real life? Yeah dog, me too.

Not sure what this was about, but I found it in my notes

Virginia Woolf to Vita Sackville-West, 22 August 1927

I will be either launching myself off a cliff or moving to Portland in the next few months. Only time will tell.

People I went to high school with are starting onlyfans. Meanwhile I’ve been considering releasing my nudes for the art of them for literal years. 

A lot of my old posts, journals, notes, drafts, whatever have you, say shit like, “I’m afraid to love anyone because I don’t think they can love me back the same way,” but now it’s like, “I’m afraid to love anyone because I don’t think I can love them back the same way.” We out here damaged af, my dude.

Peak chaos is cutting out a chunk of your hair and exchanging it with your best friend impulsively.

I project a level of over confidence that makes it impossible for people to understand that I actually hate myself.

Just remembering how pure depression felt before I knew that people weren’t supposed to think about dying all the time. Now it’s like I have to feel guilty about wishing I was dead? That’s so fucked?

It’s not like I want to kill myself, I’m just having a harder and harder time seeing any kind of future again. What’s the point even? I’m just exhausted.

Mother’s Day is always a nightmare. I don’t know why I still participate.

Spent the whole day rehashing things with my ex and I’m realizing that I might actualy just be an incredibly shitty person. 

Name a more iconic duo than my fear of abandonment and instinct to self isolate, I’ll wait

I want to be cute and pornographic

Not to be dramatic, but this whole annual feel like shit in the winter months and not want to accomplish anything and doubt everything you’ve ever done and hate yourself endlessly thing is annoying. Can you even call it seasonal depression if you live in a tropical climate though? Like what is this? Is a planet fucked up?