it's nice to not have to be jealous 24/7, that's a fuckin relief.

i'm fucking pissed off about just the way everything ended and i’m so pissed at her. i feel like i have to hide on this goddamn website

jjjjhhbbbbbb

thank god for this stupid blog!

i feel so pathetic i want her to take me back so badly but also i don't i want her to be okay. idk what to do. do i just cry? :"(! i feel so bad.

i miss her so bad and i’m so mad i’m literally a healthier version of myself for having known her and i just still love her so deeply and i am so happy she's taking care of herself, i keep trying to do my usual "be mad" pancake move but i fucking can't. i cant do it because i’m not like i’m so happy she's taking care of herself and i don't hate her and i still love her and stilll want to be wjth her and just want her to be happy. like i'll do my thing and date around when i’m ready but she still has a place with me if she ever wants it.

i just keep feeling like i’m being watched like, i don't know if i blocked ppl well enough on here i feel like i’m being watched here and my mom is watching my location and people watch me on snapchat if i post i’m just so overwhelmed i had a fucking breakdown today and my mom doesn't understand what she did wrong, she didn't i don't know what to tell her other than i love her but living with her is so so bad for my mental health. she grabs birds!! she grabs them and holds them and they scream to let go. you can't grab a bird, you have to let them free. she keeps trying grab me. i feel like i’m being grabbed; by money, by unemployment, by my family, by others. please let me go let go of me i just don't want to be held onto. i want people to let go of me. i hate this person i hooked up with a couple months ago because i feel like they think they're entitled to me. they're not. not my ex not them not no one, no one gets to see me at my worse or my best if i don't want them to. i want to habe the freedom to be invisible when j need to. i want to be able to hide but there's nowhere to hide. there's no where to hide and i speak in plain fucking english and nobody understands what i’m saying. they take it personally, they think it's not for them, they don't care, or some other reasons i don't know, j don't care. leave me the fuvk alone leave me the FUCK alone LEAVE me the fuck ALONE. i'll go the psych ward right fucking now if one more person does some stupid shot it's over i’m punching a hole in a wall i'll scream on a bus i'll start throwing things in a library if you think i won't fucjing lose my goddamn mind in the middle of absolutely everything fuck you i will. and you know what? i don't think anyone would do anything. because i look like the type of stupid white trash kid who would do that. i look like shit. i don't think it would matter. it really fucjing wouldnt. bo one is going to be there for me or take care of me in the way i want or need unless i'm fucking paying for it IE my therapist. not my friends, god forbid they want to fucj me or they don't want me because i'm poor, not a partner, not my parents they're too busy hating each other than to see the broken mess they stepped over while they fought, not my family for they speak in another language i will never learn because it's between the lines and i don't understand. i don't feel like i belong anywhere but tk just keep fucjing stealing info i can and to shift around and be broke. i think i’m happy because tbis is the best it's gonna get.

my ex was literally the only person i bought of staying for. but now she's gone and idgaf

literally my mom only cares about me not screaming so loud so the neighbors hear. she doesn't care that i’m screamkng. my parents only care that other people don't hear me scream. they're embaressed of what that says about them. or something. i hate them both and no wonder i have fucjing mood problems, they're polar opposite people.

bruh i hate that i habe to fucjing hide from my ex on this goddamn app. literally if she was that pressed to keep up on what's up with me and if i’m okay she would simply have not ended things,or!! concept: she could move the fuck on. isn't that what she wanted? to heal? go fucjing heal then. the fuck?

i don't want to give it any more thought. i just wish she came back.

genuinely want someone to push me down and hurt me again. i deserve it.

i want her back

not going to lie, i don't trust a lot of trans women anymore. haha. ive had so many bad sexual experiences being strictly t4t, i cant do it anymore. i don't trust men either. i don't trust anyone. i keep getting SA'd. i think i’m going to kill myself

i genuinely feel so broken. ive never felt like this before. it's like, another layer of betrayal and hurt while also knowing im fine. did she ever want me? genuinely? should i even consider waiting?

ive never gone through a breakup and not immediately wanted to start dating again. im genuinely just spent. i feel exhausted. i don't trust people now. i think she's the last trans women i’m ever going to date. she was good to me. every other one has SA'd me or did some stupid shit to me. let's end it on a good note.

just found out that loving someone more after a heartbreak is due to hormones and being addicted to someone. so it could be a load of bullshit.

i took a nap and had an insane thought, maybe i'll find someone who, won't leave me! how insane is that? lmao i’m doing my pattened pancake move on breakup shit. watch how fast im gone.