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pagesofmiracles · 9 months

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a roommate's guide to healing (and falling in love)

sangyeon x reader

genre: roommates to lovers, college au, slight angst in the beginning, getting over ex, PINING so bad, he's such a sweetie gentleman i cannot put it any other way, he also a little bit jealous, and he uses "darling" cause i said so, hurt/comfort, reader understandably cries a lot, drunk-ish confession, kissing warnings: being drunk? like two mild curse words :0 notes: sangyeon is so sweet i want him, also look who's writing more seriously!! and longer! word count: 6.9k

Discontentment. To feel discontentment is to feel disappointed, or unsatisfied with something. To feel discontentment is to feel a sense of anger and sadness. Discontentment is what haunted you on the day that you had most expected to feel the opposite: pleasure.

“It’s been three hours.” Your hands shook as you stood up from the table. The menu laid out on the surface, untouched and almost searing your eyesight with how long you’ve stared at the words. “It’s been three hours of me sitting here and of you not caring enough to show up to a date that I’ve planned for the longest time.”

The man’s–your boyfriend’s–eyes were narrowed. His face immediately contorted into that expression. That same sour expression that he always wore when he was about to blame you for something that you didn’t do.

“Maybe if you reminded me when I woke up today, I would have shown up,” He spat.

Your jaw clenched.

“I reminded you last night.”

He laughed bitterly. “Last night. I was in the middle of a game and that was when you reminded me.” You rolled your eyes, trying to fight back the frustrated tears that threatened to spill over. All it took is for a video game to prevent you and your boyfriend from having a simple date.

“You– you should have put a reminder on your phone or something,” You muttered.

“So now you’re stuttering? What, can’t you think of a better response?”

You stood there, your eyes trained on the floor and your hands clenched in fists. “A better response?” You reached over and grabbed your bag, crumpling the fabric with your grip. “A better response would be that for the past few months–almost a year, in fact, I’ve been trying.” Harshly, you poked a finger into his chest, making him stagger back with a scoff. “I’ve been trying to make this relationship work.”

“If you tried harde–”

“I have been!” You exclaimed. “I have been for the past few weeks! I planned dates, gave gifts, did everything to heal what we have going on. It’s you who doesn’t make an effort. It’s you who doesn’t care.”

“I do care, honey,” He said in an overly sweet tone that would originally have put butterflies in your stomach. But now, it only fills it with acid.

“You don’t,” You whispered, your voice beginning to shake. “And maybe I shouldn’t have wasted my time on trying to get you to in the first place.”

You walked past him without a single word, your hold on your bag only tightening.

“So you’re just going to break up with me like this?” He called out to you.

You stopped and turned around. “Yes,” You said. “And I hope you at least enjoyed the moments when I loved you.” You paused, letting a few tears roll down your cheeks. “Because I did. Unfortunately.”

You turned on your heel, this time letting out a quiet sob. Your heart, previously filled with joy and love was now plagued with what you call: discontentment.

–

Step 1: Hold them when they cry.

Sangyeon was beginning to feel like browsing through shows was his new career. He sighed, sinking down further into the chair, feeling like boredom would swallow him whole. He sat up though, finally, when he heard the door unlocking.

He knew that it was you. It always was you, ever since the two of you were assigned roommates because apparently, you two shared one interest together. One. And it was literally a movie that you watched briefly for fun and that Sangyeon had never watched but he accidentally pressed on it when the survey website for dorm roommate assignments glitched. Simply put, you guys didn’t have anything in common, but you made it work.

He knew it was you and he had expected that you would have a satisfied, happy smile on your face since you had announced excitedly that you were going on a date with your boyfriend before you left. What he didn’t expect, was for you to open the door, tears running down your face and small cries leaving your parched throat.

Immediately, he stood up and walked over, taking your bag from your hand and setting it down gently.

“Why are you crying, darling?” He looked you over, making sure you weren’t physically hurt. You shook your head, trying to respond, only for more sobs to come out of your mouth. He furrowed his eyebrows and bent down slightly so that your eyes would meet his. “What happened…” He muttered to himself.

Physical intimacy was never something you guys did. Ever. But at this moment, it was the only thing that seemed right. With a sigh, his arms wrapped around you in a tight hug. Immediately, warmth engulfed you as you buried your face in his chest and began to cry louder. Your hands came up to his shirt and you gripped tightly, as if to ask him to never let go.

He held you through it all, staying steady, even when you began to collapse from exhaustion. Slowly, he brought you over to your room and sat down with you on the bed. He gazed at you softly, worry evident in his eyes.

“You okay?”

You gave him a weak smile. “I don’t think so.”

Sangyeon nodded, sheepishly smiling back. “I figured.”

You stayed quiet, looking down at your hands nervously. It was the first time that your roommate has ever seen you so vulnerable like this.

“Do you… want to talk about it?” He questioned. “I promise I’m a great listener.”

“There’s not much to say,” You laughed painfully. “I loved him and he didn’t love me back.”

Sangyeon’s expression saddened and without thinking, he took your hand in his, holding it tightly. “I’m sorry. You deserve much better.”

“Really?” You looked at him, unconvinced. “Because I’m beginning to doubt that after today.”

He frowned. “No, no, don’t think that. Not because of a shitty guy. He isn’t worth the person that you are.”

You snorted, wiping some of the tears that had welled up in your eyes from Sangyeon’s kind words. “That’s really… flattering.”

He smiled genuinely. It was so different from what you were used to. When you were with your boyfriend, no, ex-boyfriend, you were so accustomed to seeing a simple quirk of a lip, sometimes accompanied by a roll of his eyes. Now, with your roommate, he was gazing at you with so much interest, so much earnestness. You didn’t know what to do with yourself.

“Of course, I wouldn’t lie.”

You were about to respond, maybe with some half-hearted joke, but you were interrupted by a yawn. Your eyes blinked heavily as a bout of exhaustion suddenly hit you like a truck.

“Are you tired?” He tilted his head.

“Mhm,” You mumbled. “Trying to get over a boyfriend of eleven months is truly hard work.”

He chuckled, helping you climb into your covers. “I can imagine.” After he tucked the blankets over you, he turned away, probably to go to his own room. But that was when you realized just how cold you’ve become. It felt almost like the tears dried on your face had become frozen and you couldn’t help but shiver. You could’ve just pulled the blankets closer over you, but no. Instead, your hand reached out and grasped the hem of his shirt.

He froze and turned to you, wide-eyed.

“I…” You stuttered, letting go. “Sorry.”

But he seemed to read your mind. Quickly, he turned off the lights and climbed in with you. He made sure to keep his distance, practically dangling off the bed. You were encased in warmth once again, his body warmth spreading to yours.

“Sleep well,” He whispered. “I know it’s hard, but try to forget him. He hurt you too much for you to dwell on it any longer.”

“Okay,” You whispered. There were warning signs blaring in your mind right now. This was wrong. Sleeping in the same bed as your roommate? When just yesterday, you had only exchanged a few conversations? Was this too much?

“I can hear you thinking.”

You went still. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” He replied, sleepily. “You’ve been through a lot already.”

After a few minutes, you couldn’t help but fall asleep comfortably, even after such a hard day. Sangyeon never mentioned how you cuddled up to his side in the middle night and he didn’t mention how you whined when he moved just slightly away from you.

–

Step 2: Make breakfast.

P.S: Preferably waffles and ice cream with strawberries on top.

You awoke with extremely puffy eyes. Blinking repeatedly, you could see the familiar sight of the plushies lined up on your bed. One of them, your ex-boyfriend had bought you. You had smiled a lot that day. Well, up until he ditched you in the middle of the date so that he could watch a sports live stream. You could also recognize the sight of the light filtering through the windows, bringing in the natural light that always acted like your personal alarm. You turned on your side and that was when you jolted.

That definitely wasn’t familiar. The sight of Sangyeon, your roommate, sleeping in the same bed as you. He seemed to still have kept a distance, his arm and leg hanging off the bed, probably to make you feel more comfortable. You leaned forward, waving a hand over his face to check if he was still sleeping. But with the shuffle of the blankets, he peeked an eye open.

“You’re awake?” He said, his voice rougher and deeper than usual.

“I was awake before you.” You giggled.

He smiled back and sat up, reaching his arms up and stretching slightly which revealed a sliver of his stomach. You gulped and looked away.

“Did you sleep well?” He asked like the caring angel that he was.

You nodded. “I think I did, surprisingly.”

“And you’re feeling…” He trailed off.

“Like shit.”

He pursed his lips and he got off the bed. You moved to follow him but he stopped you, a gentle hand on your shoulder.

“Just wait here.”

You eyed him with curiosity but you climbed back into bed. You were still tired from all the tears shed so you sank back into the blankets, resting your eyes.

You didn’t know how much time had passed before he opened the door to your room. In his hands was a tray. On that tray was a beautiful sight. There were two waffles, ice cream on top, and strawberries as a delicious decoration. He set it down on the bed and kneeled next to it.

“I figured you would like this?” He grinned.

You stared at it in utter shock. “Sangyeon… you– you didn’t have to. I’m fine, you know?”

“Still.” He frowned. “I’ve yet to have any classes. I want to help make you feel better.”

The word want hit you like a damn arrow in the heart. Never in your life, never in your time when you had dated your ex-boyfriend, did he say that he wanted anything with you. He never wanted to spend time with you. He never wanted to hug you when you were sad and he never wanted to make you waffles with ice cream and strawberries.

Before you knew it, you were staring down at the food, the ice cream now melting in globs, with tears rolling down your face again. He noticed and his sleeve gently came up to your face, patting them away.

“I’m sorry,” You muttered, sniffling and shying away from his gentle touch. “I don’t know what’s gotten into me. It’s just–”

“It’s okay,” He reassured. “It’s okay to cry. There’s no rush in healing.”

You sighed, trying to compose yourself. You reached forward and began to eat. Immediately, your eyes brightened, your tears long forgotten.

“It tastes so good!” You exclaimed. “I didn’t know you were a cook.”

He flushed slightly with bashfulness. “I guess I am? Never thought of myself that way…”

As you worked on finishing your breakfast, the whole time, Sangyeon didn’t leave your side, even when you insisted that you were fine. He sat beside you and he started to talk about some new shows that he watched. Every time you would smile and laugh, he would feel accomplished. That was all he wanted anyway. For you to feel happy.

“Sangyeon?” You nudged him.

“Hm?” He turned to you.

“I never had a chance to thank you. I know that this was very sudden and it must be a burden for you to try to make me feel better. But… still, I really, really appreciate it.”

“It really is my pleasure,” He spoke softly. “He hurt you and… I can’t change that. But I could help you feel happier. We can spend time together, I promise that you won’t bother me. I am a very patient man.”

You laughed brightly at his joke. “You really are a great roommate… and friend.”

He smiled and pulled you into a hug. And you could have imagined it, but you felt a kiss being pressed to the top of your head.

–

Step 3: Hold them when they cry again.

Over the past few days, the two of you had been spending more and more time together. You still felt a bit upset, often finding yourself looking through his social media or longingly staring at the selfies that you would take with him. But with Sangyeon, it was much easier to forget the bad memories.

Today, the two of you were enjoying your own activities. Sangyeon was sitting next to you, reading a book like the peaceful man he was. You were just on your phone, texting your friend. Occasionally, you would laugh at her countless angry emojis, directed to your ex-boyfriend.

And although you really didn’t want to, you found yourself wandering to the past texts with him. Your eyes drooped when you read them over and over. You never realized how closed off he was. His dry, one-word responses, sometimes even leaving you on read, left your heart sinking.

“Do you think…” You spoke up.

Sangyeon looked up at you.

“Nevermind.”

“You can tell me.”

You held your breath before exhaling deeply.

“Do you think that I was being clingy?” Your voice was so quiet. “I mean, maybe if I didn’t try so hard we would have lasted longer.”

He looked taken aback for a second before he shook his head, insistently. “Definitely not. You were doing your best.”

You bit your lip. “I did my best.”

He nodded. “You did.”

“But it still hurts.”

Your face contorted and you were choking on tears again. No, no, not again. You’ve already cried so many times in front of Sangyeon. You tried desperately to hold your sobs back but it was of no use.

“I’m crying again,” You groaned, hiding your face in your hands.

“And I don’t mind at all.” He smiles. “Sometimes, you just have to get it all out.”

“You’re insufferable,” You bitterly laughed through your tears, wiping them away harshly. “And obnoxiously caring.”

“Only for you,” He whispered, grinning cheekily before putting his book down. His hand came up to your cheeks, softly wiping away the tears himself. “You’re hurt but that doesn’t mean you can’t heal. It takes time. All you can do is continue to try. You have me to lean on.”

And that’s what you did. You leaned your head on his broad shoulder, letting the tears fall. His arm came around you, holding you and reminding you that you were safe. And for the first time in a while, you did.

–

Step 4: Make them laugh.

After a week or so, you were feeling much better. Sangyeon still didn’t leave you. In fact, over time, you grew closer than ever before. You knew most of his favorite things and you had even memorized his Chinese takeout order. Sangyeon learned much about you too. He learned that you liked to lean on his shoulder. You had told him that he was very warm and a great heater. Though, you never slept in the same bed again since that night.

One day, he invited you to take a walk in the park.

It was a chilly evening so you couldn’t help but shiver slightly. That was when he took off his jacket and draped it over you.

“You’re such a gentleman,” You praised. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed.”

He laughed, embarrassed as he scratched the back of his neck. “I believe I was just raised like this.”

“That’s good!” You nodded, enthusiastically. “It’s good to be a gentleman. Makes it easier for you to find someone to date. Hey, speaking of, why don’t you date anyone?”

He froze, turning to you with reddening cheeks.

“I’m sure it would be easy for you. You meet all the criteria.”

“Criteria… like what?” He eyed you, slightly terrified.

“Being a gentleman is one. Mmm… you can cook! That’s also good.” You nudged his shoulder with a knowing smile, looking him up and down. “And you definitely fit the criteria in terms of looks.”

He sputtered and his ears were now red. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“I’m serious! I know people who would kill to be with you. Seriously, it would be like a piece of cake.”

He jerked his head away stubbornly. “I don’t really want to.”

You pouted. “Why not?”

His eyes flickered down to your lips and he licked his own. Suddenly, he was losing his breath and his heartbeat was racing.

“I… uh–” He shut his eyes as he tried to think of an excuse other than a certain person that he might be crushing on. “I have no flirting skills.”

You gaped at him, completely speechless. And then you burst out into giggles, your eyes squinting and your laugh resonating through the quiet night atmosphere. He stared at you silently, instead admiring your beautiful laugh.

“Can’t flirt?” You laughed, gasping for air. “We can work on that.”

But Sangyeon only gazed at you with silence.

“Your laugh is really cute,” He suddenly blurted out.

You froze and pointed at yourself. When he nodded, frozen like a deer in headlights, you burst out into a bright smile which only made his heart beat even faster.

“You can definitely flirt, Sangyeon.”

“That was a compliment.”

“Same thing.” You rolled your eyes, fondly.

–

Step 5: Take them out to their favorite place.

Sangyeon took in a deep breath, holding it for a while before exhaling slowly. He rocked on his shoes, shoving his hands in his pockets before pulling them out because they had gotten too sweaty. He didn’t know why he was so nervous.

It wasn’t a date.

He knew that, but he couldn’t help but feel anxious anyway. Earlier in the day, he had asked you where your favorite place to go was. You replied with this one place that sold delicious lattes and beautiful desserts. It was your go-to spot for pretty pictures and amazing food.

“Let’s go.”

You straightened at that. “What? Really?”

Sangyeon nodded, smiling proudly (adorably). “I’ll pay. We can enjoy our time there.”

And you couldn’t hold in your excitement after that. Practically jumping off the walls, you ran into your room to “get ready”. Sangyeon was a bit confused at that because he thought that you looked perfect as you did.

He continued to wait, arranging the plants randomly to calm his nerves. The sound of the door startled him as he turned around. That was when he felt his heart practically explode at the sight of you.

You stood there, awkwardly at the door. Your hair was styled neatly and you had put on a much nicer outfit. It suited you perfectly. In fact, you had bought it specifically for one of your future dates… that never ended up happening. But now that Sangyeon was taking you, you could finally wear it.

You played with your hair nervously when you noticed that he was just staring at you wordlessly, his lips slightly parted.

“Did I dress up too much?” You gave him a small smile. You tilted your head at him and then you stifled a laugh. He was blushing.

“N-no.” He cleared his throat, looking down at the floor to avoid staring too much. You took a few steps closer. And then you hooked a finger under his chin, making him face you. He flushed even brighter, his breath stuttering.

“Are you sure you’re okay, Sangyeon?” You grinned slyly.

“Mhm,” He hummed, swallowing nervously.

“Sure.” You giggled.

As you two were walking to where the small bakery was, Sangyeon was oddly quiet. You did most of the talking, rambling about the best cupcakes and pastries that you’ve tried there. He had only nodded, taking constant glances at you. And the whole time, his ears were a bright red.

“The drinks are really good too,” You continued. “I’ve only tried a few but the matcha one was probably my favorite.”

He stayed silent.

“Sangyeon?”

…

“You look really pretty.” His voice was quiet yet sincere.

You stopped in your tracks and turned to him with surprise. His words caught you off guard. It was often a rare occurrence that your ex-boyfriend would compliment you so boldly. Sangyeon was a nice change of pace.

“Oh,” You breathed out. “Thank you.”

You could see how his stiff shoulders had finally relaxed and how his uptight expression had returned to his usual, peaceful one. You observed him curiously.

“Were you quiet this whole time because you were working up the courage to compliment me?” You smirked.

He smiled nervously and he walked faster in response.

You laughed and ran after him. He was cute when nervous.

–

Step 6: Don’t let feelings get involved.

Sangyeon had liked you for the longest time. Though, it wasn’t “love at first sight.” It was a slow process of him admiring your adorable habits and learning more about you. But of course, you were taken the whole time so he couldn’t quite do anything about it. He just watched you from afar, making sure that you weren’t hurt.

Even after you had broken up with your ex-boyfriend, he refused to make a move. He has this fear of overwhelming you more so he stayed quiet, instead focusing more on helping you heal.

“I got invited to a party?” You looked up at him with a mix of excitement and confusion.

“Are you going?” He tilted his head.

You thought for a moment. “I guess so. It says I can bring a plus one.”

He went silent at that.

“Who should I bring?” You laid your head in the palm of your hands. “Not many options.”

Sangyeon didn’t say anything, only staring at you with soft, longing eyes.

“There’s this guy in my literature class…” You wondered. “He seemed nice when I spoke to him. Maybe him?”

Sangyeon clenched his jaw. “I don’t think so.”

Don’t get feelings involved.

“Oh, okay.” You eyed him with slight perplexion. “What about the guy who my friend tried to get me to go on a blind date with?”

He quirked up an eyebrow. “You don’t know him though.”

You nodded, sighing. “That’s true. Okay, how about the–”

“You can take me.” He interjected.

Your mouth fell open at his sudden bluntness. He stared back. Something behind his eyes was filled almost with… hope. And something else but you couldn’t tell what exactly.

“Uh–” You stuttered. “I can! That’s a great idea actually.”

He visibly relaxed. But then he tensed again when he realized that you were gazing at him with amusement.

“What is it?” He looked at you cautiously.

“You know…” You grinned, leaning forward on the table. “You could have said you wanted to be my plus one in the first place. No need to be shy, Sangyeonie.”

He bit his lip and stood up abruptly. You could see that his ears have turned red again.

“I’m going to study.”

“You said that you don’t have any classes yet though!” You called after him with a laugh.

“Shut up,” He grumbled, bringing a hand to his face to cover it.

–

Step 7: Don’t bring up the ex-boyfriend.

To get over someone who has hurt you, Sangyeon made it a point not to mention your ex-boyfriend. He feared to bring back any new memories and he hated seeing you cry. For the past two months, he never brought up that man. He made sure that you would never have to talk about him again.

Until you did.

It was when he had come home and as he walked past your room, he had noticed that you were dozing off and sprawled out on the bed. As silently as he could, he approached you and tucked you into the blankets properly.

“You’ll get a cold,” He whispered, furrowing his eyebrows.

You blinked your eyes open and you smiled sleepily up at him.

“You’re back,” You giggled.

“Yeah and you’re–” He paused, leaning closer. It was then that he noticed your cheeks were flushed red and your eyes were in a daze. He brushed a strand of hair from your face gently as he knelt down next to you, peering at you with concern. “Are you drunk?”

You only giggled louder. “Noooo. I’m not.”

He frowned.

“Don’t! Don’t…” You mumbled, slurring and tripping over your words. Suddenly, you sat up in bed, startling him. You were hit with a sudden feeling of dizziness and you nearly fell forward. Sangyeon was quick to lean in so that you could rest your forehead on the crook of his neck. His hand tentatively came to the small of your back, in which you keened into his touch.

“Don’t?” He prompted.

“Don’t give me that expression.” Your hands came up to his chest, punching him weakly.

“What expression?”

“That– worried one,” You whispered. “The one where you frown and look all concerned for me.”

He chuckled. “And why’s that?”

“Because!” You exclaimed suddenly. “Because. It makes me feel weird inside.”

He held his breath, pulling away.

“You know my ex-boyfriend?” You smiled lazily.

He gulped. “What about him?”

“He never had that look on his face. For the eleven months that we dated. He never– cared for me like you did.” You pouted. And for a second, Sangyeon feared that maybe you were going to cry again. But instead, you took his hand in his, playing with his fingers. His eyes widened and he looked up at you curiously. “And before you ridicule me for thinking of him again… I don’t. I don’t think of him anymore. I think that I’m completely over him.”

He let out a breath of relief as he smiled. “That’s great. I’m proud of you.” Slowly, his hands came to your shoulders and brought you to lie back down. He tucked you in, just like he always did.

“Do you want to know who I think of these days?” You slurred.

Sangyeon gazed at you wordlessly. He had expected you to answer with one of those handsome actors or charming celebrities. But instead–

“I think of you.”

He inhaled sharply. He bit back a shy smile. For all he knew, you could be lying. You weren’t in the right state of mind after all. And so, he shook out of it.

“We can talk about this later, darling,” He spoke quietly. “But I…” He trailed off when he realized that you had already fallen asleep. Silently, to himself, for once after so long, he spoke his feelings out loud.

“I also think of you. Every single day.”

He leaned down and pressed a kiss to your forehead.

–

Step 8: Sleep in separate beds.

Of course, this was self-explanatory. But apparently, even that was a hard rule to follow. Especially since you’ve always been a clingy person. The weather was cold and Sangyeon knew that you hated it. What he didn’t expect was for you to show up in his room in the middle of the night, your pillow tucked under your arm.

He blinked his eyes open and sat up as he brought his hand up to tame the mess of his slightly curly hair.

“Need something?”

“It’s cold,” You whined.

He frowned. “If you want, you can borrow this blanket.”

“No.” You refuted, stubbornly. “You’re a great human heater.”

He stared at you in confusion. “And…?”

You groaned. “Must I say it straight up?”

He only replied with an innocent look.

“Let me sleep in your bed.”

His mouth formed a silent ‘o.’ It was literally two in the morning. He had no energy to even be flustered. With a sigh, he opened his covers, inviting you in.

“Roommates…” He mumbled as you eagerly climbed in. “More like bedmates.”

You glared. “Grumpy?”

He whined. “It’s so late. You woke me up, dummy.” And you couldn’t help but smile fondly at his pouty lips and squinted eyes. Sleepy Sangyeon was indeed a very endearing sight.

Again, physical intimacy wasn’t something that you two were used to. Or at least you thought. Lately, your hands were constantly somewhere on him and vice versa. You guys liked to hug. He liked to put a hand on your waist to guide you in crowded places. It became sort of… normal.

So, naturally, like this was an everyday thing, you buried your face into his chest. With a satisfied hum, he pulled you closer with his arm, holding you securely and warmly.

“Roommates,” You mumbled to yourself. “More like very close cuddlers.”

“Interesting observation,” He muttered before he was knocked out into dreamland.

–

Step 9: Don’t initiate physical intimacy.

That rule’s been broken a long, long time ago. But Sangyeon thought that hugs and cuddling were pretty normal for friends. Platonic. No romance. Just friends. So he had no problem following this rule.

Up until you were sitting on his lap.

He felt like he could explode with how close you were. This wouldn’t have happened if he had just said no to your pleas to tie his hair.

“Are you done?” He grumbled.

“Stay still.” You glowered at him. He would never admit but he absolutely loved your fingers running through his hair. He loved the feeling of your fingertips massaging his scalp, combing through the strands.

“What exactly is it that you’re doing anyway?” He raised an eyebrow, looking up at you intently. You paused at his prolonged eye contact, gulping. You truly had forgotten how close your faces were.

“I’m doing pigtails,” You muttered, praying that your face wasn’t visibly turning red.

He snorted. “Okay, knock yourself out.” And then he smirked as he gazed up at you with amusement. His stare seared you and you couldn’t help but jolt in his lap. Something in the way he studied all of your features, made you feel like your heart was melting from inside out.

Suddenly, you felt a hand sneak to the small of your back, holding you closer and securely.

“Stay still.”

And he had the audacity to smile wider. You were just… speechless. Just before, he was complaining that he didn’t want you on his lap. And now… you didn’t even know what he was doing anymore.

With an embarrassed huff, you slapped his chest weakly. “Remember when you said that you couldn’t flirt? Look at you now. You’re teasing me.”

His stare shifted into something less amused. You couldn’t place your finger on it but it was almost… like yearning.

“What if my intention wasn’t to tease?” He said quietly, his eyes flickering down to your lips again. He had been doing that for a while now and you noticed.

You held your breath, both of your hands falling to rest against his chest, the warmth and pounding heartbeat thrumming through your fingertips.

“Then what were you doing?” You whispered, your voice quivering.

And his answer was so vague. It was so vague that it left you awake at night, going over his words over and over again, trying to find any sort of meaning behind it. You even tossed and turned for way too many nights.

“Anything but teasing.”

–

Step 10: Don’t fall in love.

You have definitely underestimated how many people would be at the party. You stood before the building, taking deep breaths through your nose. You glanced down at your outfit. It was out of your comfort zone, but just before, Sangyeon had assured you that you looked amazing. But still, you couldn’t help but stand there, frozen on the spot as you observed the many people dancing and laughing, drinks in hand.

Your breath hitched when you felt a large hand wound around your waist. You looked to your right and Sangyeon appeared before you, giving you a soothing smile.

“Nervous?” His thumb ran circles to calm you.

You squeezed your eyes shut hoping you could just teleport away from here. “Yes.”

“Don’t be.” He shook his head. “You look beautiful.”

You bit your lip, fighting back that smile that seemed to appear a lot more than normal when around Sangyeon. “It’s not that.” You gestured to the crowds of people. “There’s just so… many.”

He glimpsed at the sight. And instead of responding immediately, he pulled you closer to his side.

“I’ll be right by your side. I won’t leave, promise.” He looked at you with a sincere gaze. “Call me your personal bodyguard.”

You laughed, slowly feeling your nerves dissipate. “Thank you. For everything.”

“Of course.” He grinned.

The party wasn’t as bad as you had expected. As you entered, you found that the crowds of people slowly started to scatter, leaving you a chance to breathe. As time passed, you started to have more fun. Occasionally, a classmate would walk by, notice you, and have a quick conversation. You noticed that every time that happened, Sangyeon’s grip on your waist would tighten ever so slightly, looming over you almost protectively.

Your ears perked when you heard a slow song come on. A quick glance at Sangyeon and he was already standing up, offering his hand.

“Dance with me, if you please.” He gave you a quirked-up smile.

You giggled and took his hand. As if it were the most natural thing, your arms looped around your neck and his hands came to your waist. Sangyeon’s soft eyes never left yours.

After the song ended, Sangyeon left briefly to get drinks. That was when you heard a familiar voice behind you. A voice that you dreaded.

“Got a new boyfriend already?” The man snarked. You turned around and frowned at the sight. He looked much worse for wear, his eyes tired. He looked almost… intoxicated.

“What are you doing here?”

He ignored your question. “And you claim that I didn’t care for you anymore? Going off and cheating on me.”

“I didn’t.” You rolled your eyes. “Let’s be completely honest. We’re not together anymore and we never will be.” You had no more energy to argue with him anymore. You’ve done that for way too many months now. So instead, you turned around only to come face-to-face with Sangyeon. He was staring down at you worriedly.

“Everything okay?” He looked you over.

“Hm?” You widened your eyes. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“We should get out of here.” He pulled you in protectively. “He was bothering you.”

You gulped and looked up at him in utter confusion. “Sangyeon. I’m okay, I swear.”

But he ignored your words. He pulled you through the crowds and out the door. You stared after him, perplexed. The walk back to your dorm was short and quiet. You could see just how bothered Sangyeon had become. His jaw was clenched and there was a crease in between his eyebrows.

When you reached the hallway, the both of you were just about to reach the door when he whirled you around.

“Are you hurt?”

“What?” You whispered, looking at him frantically.

“Did he hurt you?” He looked you over, his hands wandering down your arms to check.

“No, no–” You gazed up at him in complete surprise. “I’m… okay. I promise.”

He let out a breath of relief. “You worried me. I was afraid he did something.”

You looked up at him, your lips parted in shock. You grew silent as you watched him ramble on and on about how he should’ve been by your side, should’ve protected you better. You felt something deep in your stomach and it was slowly rising up to your heart, making it beat erratically. You watched as he looked you over with soft, gentle eyes. Whatever he was saying had become muffled through your ears.

You began to scrutinize the many ways that Sangyeon had taken care of you. Even after so many months, he never failed to look you over. He never failed to give you the sweetest compliments, make you laugh, or make you blush.

Suddenly, the feeling of his hand coming up to the side of your face, brushing a piece of hair gently away from your finger, brought you back to your senses. It just hit you.

It was him and it always had been.

“Are you sure you're okay?” He frowned. “You look a little pale.” His hand took hold of yours, about to unlock the door of your shared dorm.

“Sangyeon, wait.”

That was when you pulled his hand harshly, so harshly that he was right up against your body. One of his hands rested against the wall, caging you against the corridor wall.

He gulped, looking down at you with surprise.

“Hello,” He whispered, in a complete daze.

“Hi.” You replied, a smile growing on your lips.

“Are you teasing me, darling?” He raised an eyebrow.

“No,” You breathed out.

“I doubt it.” He laughed lightly. “You really do joke around a lot.”

Your hand took hold of his collar. And then you pulled him in, close enough that your lips brushed against his. “I really like you a lot.”

He widened his eyes, his breath stuttering.

“What?” He muttered. You could hear his heartbeat.

“I said that I like you.” You managed to say, feeling out of breath for some reason. “I’ve fallen for you, Sangyeon.”

“You’re not… you’re not being serious right?” He leaned his forehead against yours, his lips so close to yours. If you could just lean in–

“Want me to prove it?”

“Please,” He whispered. Your fingers came to grasp his collar once again. And you closed the distance between you. He was frozen for a second before he groaned quietly in satisfaction. The two of you didn’t seem to care that you were kissing right in the middle of a corridor where anyone could catch you. You both were too caught up in the moment. His hands came to hold your waist, pulling you flush against his body.

You hummed and pressed closer, your hands resting against his chest. It was a slow, sweet kiss, just the two of you with tilted heads and growing smiles against each other’s lips. You licked the bottom of his lip briefly before pulling away, making him chase you adorably for more.

You gazed at him, your eyes sparkling with newfound feelings blooming in your chest. Or maybe they’ve always been there.

“Oh,” He breathed out, his eyes glossed over.

You suppressed a loud laugh, in hopes of not waking up your neighbors. When he only continued to gaze at you with that lovesick expression, you felt your face grow hot. And so you punched him in the chest, making him wince.

“Stop looking at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like you’re in love with me.”

Sangyeon gaped at you. And then he laughed. He laughed deeply (and very attractively, dare you add) as he pulled you into his chest and he nuzzled his cheek against your head lovingly.

“I am in love with you. You just failed to notice.” He whispered, hugging you tightly.

“Oh. Oh my god.” It all came crashing down on you. The fleeting touches, the fond smiles…

He shook his head, pulling away to look you in the eye. “I tried to hide it anyway.”

You snorted. “Great acting skills.”

But Sangyeon didn’t respond to your sarcastic joke. Instead, his eyes fell to your lips once again. You held your breath, your eyes wandering to his own, red and slightly swollen. You had expected him to just lean in. But instead, he asked a question.

“Can I kiss you?”

You stared at him incredulously. “You’re going to ask now? After you just made out with me in a hallway?”

“I was raised a gentleman.”

You hummed, amused. “A very fine, lovely gentleman indeed,” You sang, teasingly.

He groaned. “Shush.” And his lips were on yours in just a second, pressing deeply, more passionately than before. Soon enough, the door has been unlocked–you wondered how he did that even while being so… preoccupied. You were being pushed into your dorm, his mouth still on yours, moving intensely.

He pulled away to catch his breath. “Have I mentioned how beautiful you look tonight?”

You bit your lip shyly. “You have.”

“Then allow me to tell you over and over.” He pressed another kiss to your lips. “Until you’re nothing but a shy mess.”

You felt your cheeks flush hotly and your throat went dry as you hid your face in his chest. He already succeeded.

#the way I was blushing #IM SO SHAMELESS IM SORRRRRY #this is so beautifully written LIKE WTF

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