outoutdamnspark - Tumblr blog

outoutdamnspark · 4 days

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It makes me sad that most people around me are so unbelievably burnt out from work and life that they are just truly emotionally unavailable and don't even wanna use their energy for anything beside going out partying once a weekend

It's like watching friends who you've seen be silly and have deep talks work jobs to the point of stress where they are incoherent and respond to messages like legit 6 days later and not in a rude way but genuinely they don't have the mental capacity to do shit anymore

Working jobs and paying bills shouldn't take everything out of people to the extent it really does

Even when I'm off work and I had a shorter shift most of the time I truly have nothing left in the tank after the combo of emotions and physical labor

#I’m in this post and I don’t like it #😭😭😭

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outoutdamnspark · 4 days

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Types Of Writer’s Block (And How To Fix Them)

1. High inspiration, low motivation. You have so many ideas to write, but you just don’t have the motivation to actually get them down, and even if you can make yourself start writing it you’ll often find yourself getting distracted or disengaged in favour of imagining everything playing out

Try just bullet pointing the ideas you have instead of writing them properly, especially if you won’t remember it afterwards if you don’t. At least you’ll have the ideas ready to use when you have the motivation later on

2. Low inspiration, high motivation. You’re all prepared, you’re so pumped to write, you open your document aaaaand… three hours later, that cursor is still blinking at the top of a blank page

RIP pantsers but this is where plotting wins out; refer back to your plans and figure out where to go from here. You can also use your bullet points from the last point if this is applicable

3. No inspiration, no motivation. You don’t have any ideas, you don’t feel like writing, all in all everything is just sucky when you think about it

Make a deal with yourself; usually when I’m feeling this way I can tell myself “Okay, just write anyway for ten minutes and after that, if you really want to stop, you can stop” and then once my ten minutes is up I’ve often found my flow. Just remember that, if you still don’t want to keep writing after your ten minutes is up, don’t keep writing anyway and break your deal - it’ll be harder to make deals with yourself in future if your brain knows you don’t honour them

4. Can’t bridge the gap. When you’re stuck on this one sentence/paragraph that you just don’t know how to progress through. Until you figure it out, productivity has slowed to a halt

Mark it up, bullet point what you want to happen here, then move on. A lot of people don’t know how to keep writing after skipping a part because they don’t know exactly what happened to lead up to this moment - but you have a general idea just like you do for everything else you’re writing, and that’s enough. Just keep it generic and know you can go back to edit later, at the same time as when you’re filling in the blank. It’ll give editing you a clear purpose, if nothing else

5. Perfectionism and self-doubt. You don’t think your writing is perfect first time, so you struggle to accept that it’s anything better than a total failure. Whether or not you’re aware of the fact that this is an unrealistic standard makes no difference

Perfection is stagnant. If you write the perfect story, which would require you to turn a good story into something objective rather than subjective, then after that you’d never write again, because nothing will ever meet that standard again. That or you would only ever write the same kind of stories over and over, never growing or developing as a writer. If you’re looking back on your writing and saying “This is so bad, I hate it”, that’s generally a good thing; it means you’ve grown and improved. Maybe your current writing isn’t bad, if just matched your skill level at the time, and since then you’re able to maintain a higher standard since you’ve learned more about your craft as time went on

#save me please 😭

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outoutdamnspark · 6 days

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#listen i am BEGGING i haven't written in so long

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outoutdamnspark · 17 days

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#*lays on the floor*

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outoutdamnspark · 21 days

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GET YOUR BODY OUT OF SURVIVAL MODE SO YOU CAN CREATE FROM YOUR HEART

#listen man it’s been a LONG five months 😭

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outoutdamnspark · 26 days

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Reblog to let your followers know that they’re safe from jumpscares/screamers/etc from you on April 1st but they are NOT safe from getting boop’d like an idiot amen

#I will never knowingly post screamers or jumpscares #y’all are safe with me

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outoutdamnspark · 27 days

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*chews the wall*

Hoping tomorrow is slow at work, because I wanna write out some Hazbin Hotel headcanons...

#10 hour monday solo shift incoming please be a chill day

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outoutdamnspark · 29 days

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*deep breath*

Okay. Okay, I'm alive, I swear. Everything falling apart since December did a massive number on me (and I... may have fucked up some friendships real bad because I just... stopped mentally existing) but! I'm still breathing.

So I'm counting that as a victory.

Life stuff is still rocky right now, but I feel more human than I have in months, and by all that is unholy I want to make an effort again. Depression is a mind-eating monster and I don't want to feed it anymore.

Going forward, just until I can remember how to Person again, I'm going to try and give myself a specific day of the week to talk to friends if I haven't already, and maybe create something small - I feel like if I assign A Day and make it part of my routine, I'll have a better chance of maintaining it.

(Also gonna maybe try and work with a couple fandoms other than just submas, because maybe a brief change will get me back on track, you know?)

For everyone still here with me, thank you.💕 I'm sorry I disappeared.

Love you guys.

-Isaac💥

#been on a hazbin hotel kick recently so maybe i'll drop a few headcanon lists to start #or drag some of my old submas things out that are nearly done rather than start anything new #spark speaks #i'm not leaving the submas fandom i just need to force myself not to stagnate any longer

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outoutdamnspark · 29 days

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"Are you ok?" I'm actually tired bro. From the bottom of my heart I'm tired

#slowly recovering though #I think #*knocks on wood*

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outoutdamnspark · 29 days

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#listen my sona is a tv head I’m not scared of being a robot #I have legit been freaked out by the idea of loss of self my entire life so the clone thing is terrifying to me #existentialism

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outoutdamnspark · 1 month

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tumblr friendships are hard to maintain like im sorry i know i havent talked to you in 5 months but you’re still super rad and i still consider us friends im just dumb

#me #me me me all the way #I’m so sorry y’all I miss you you know who you all are 😢

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outoutdamnspark · 2 months

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reblog or reply with your love song. you know, the one that you think is what love sounds like

#either Come What May from Moulin Rouge #or Heaven’s Light from Hunchback of Notre Dame

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outoutdamnspark · 2 months

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Well.

Things were calming down, and then something else happened.

(cw: death mention)

My biological father just died.

I'm not... sad? because I went no-contact over a decade ago. I'm just kind of Tired.™️Going back to my hometown for the weekend for the legal stuff, go through his belongings, and most importantly to be with my mom, since I'm more worried about her than anything else.

There's also the possibility I'll have to deal with other relatives I've gone no-contact with. Which. Fuck, I hope not.

Wish me luck, y'all.

#i'm sorry for the silence and the constant stream of negative shit i keep bringing to the blog. 😣#i swear i'm not gone forever and i don't mean to be such a debby downer #i'm going to try and officially come back after this week because godssssss i need a refresh #cw death mention #cw parental death #spark speaks

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outoutdamnspark · 2 months

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So it's been uhhhhhh... about a week and a half since my last post?

I'm okay now, as much as we all can be; the funeral trip went fine, and I spoke to my therapist the other day. I'm trying to get myself back to a stable place right now, and while it's... not quite there just, it's better than it was before.

Gonna be trying to reconnect with people I've accidentally pulled away from in the past month or so.

Thanks, everybody, for being patient with me. 💛

#spark speaks

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outoutdamnspark · 2 months

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For the record, I would never knowingly use or share AI generated art in anything I post, so if you ever catch me doing so, it was an accident, and I'd like you to let me know so I can delete it.

#this

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outoutdamnspark · 3 months

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Uggggg.

Okay, well… Here goes…

(vent post ahead)

It started back in December and it’s just been getting steadily worse, to the point where it’s almost comical (but very much not really). Like, the sheer amount of bullshit seems like I’m making stuff up, I swear.

To condense it as best I can:

My wisdom teeth removal left me with temporary nerve damage on the entire right half of my face, putting me anywhere from a 6 to a 9.5 on the pain scale on a daily basis for about 7 weeks. (Finally mostly not in pain anymore but I still can’t fully use my jaw just yet.)

A week later both my partners and I caught COVID. I was out for a week, spouse was out for two, and wifey was out for three and still has lingering health issues. Even using up our sick leave/PTO, it wasn’t enough to cover all our time out sick, so our financial situation took a hit.

My mom’s health problems have gotten worse and now she may need double knee surgery, so she’s sinking deep into depression. I haven’t been able to go visit her since November. (There’s also a fucked up roommate situation happening? That I’m still waiting for details on.)

Shit went down in one of my partner’s families and they are Not Okay. That was then followed up by a death, so we’re driving a 10-hour total roundtrip tomorrow out of state to go to the funeral.

Since New Year’s, two of my loved ones have been expressing heavy-duty suicidal thoughts - to the point where I had a couple breakdowns at work because I was terrified they would act on those thoughts and there was nothing I could do to help them.

Also had several panic attacks, complete with heart palpitations and chest pain this past weekend at work for. Various reasons.

The past few days at work have been utter hell; I’m the only employee assigned to my particular location, so I’m there alone for 10 (or more) hours a day, and I’ve been pulling 6 to 8 day weeks recently. This weekend was disgustingly busy - with only me there to handle up to 8 people at a time. Plus phones. Only to also be told my location is dragging down the district average. Manager said it’s not my fault, since I sometimes go days without a single person coming into my store, but to compensate for lack of foot traffic, I’m apparently supposed to just. Do Better. Fix it somehow. Plus the warehouse for the company is notoriously shitty at its job, so they fucked up this weekend and it took two days to fix the mess, which meant I had to deal with angry customers on top of all the rest of this chaos.

I’ve been slowly falling apart since December and self isolating because all I want to do is sleep and not wake up, and I haven’t wanted to focus on myself because I’ve been so worried about the people I care about so I just. Bottled it all up. Last night was a breaking point.

I’m… not good, not really, but I’m. Better, I guess? I’m not self destructing like I was yesterday, so that’s gotta count for something.

Just gonna get through the next few days…

I'm sorry if I scared/worried anyone with my last couple of vent posts.

I'll try to maybe kind of explain a little bit? Maybe tomorrow if I get a second to breathe - it's been... a long week already...

I'm about as better as I'm going to get for the moment. Still not good, really, but I'm not in a bad a place as I was earlier.

And... thank you. Everybody that's been reaching out to me, even while I've been self-isolating on accident, thank you. I love you guys.

#spark speaks #I’m gonna delete this in the next day or so probably #but I need this all to not be just bottled up in my head anymore

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outoutdamnspark · 3 months

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I'm sorry if I scared/worried anyone with my last couple of vent posts.

I'll try to maybe kind of explain a little bit? Maybe tomorrow if I get a second to breathe - it's been... a long week already...

I'm about as better as I'm going to get for the moment. Still not good, really, but I'm not in a bad a place as I was earlier.

And... thank you. Everybody that's been reaching out to me, even while I've been self-isolating on accident, thank you. I love you guys.

#my work week starts like halfway through the week cuz my job is weird #doesn't help that my 'week' was 8 days long and this past weekend has felt like a fucking year #spark speaks #gonna eventually delete those vent posts even though i really really appreciate the messages y'all left #i don't say it enough but i appreciate all of you

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