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otomelife

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Blog about various fandoms and self-inserts; occasional find the fic blog | 18+ years due to content I reblog | Loves taking about Otomes, video games, and anime 💕|

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otomelife · 5 days

Note

I have 2 recommendations for obey me x reader hurt/comfort!

The first one is (with two parts) called by "Comfort spell gone wrong" by devildomdisaster on Tumblr! It has all the brothers, and the dateables (all separate)!

It's about Mc performs a comfort spell after feeling insulted and neglected by the brothers. It goes horribly wrong and the brothers must face their guilt at making Mc feel this way

https://devildomdisaster.tumblr.com/post/654907843658612736/idk-if-you-read-lore-olympus-but-chapter-129-gave (the brothers)

https://devildomdisaster.tumblr.com/post/656812419847487488/comfort-spell-gone-wrong-the-dateables (the dateables)

The second one (with four parts) is called "Bad Day" (the first part), the second part is "Bad day Pt 2" The Boy's sides, the third one is "Lucifer’s Decision", and the last part is "Forgiveness - Last part of bad day" by psychocoffeeaddict on Tumblr!

It's about MC had a bad day because they felt like the brothers hate them now, but Barbatos & Diavolo are there for them. Barbatos took them to the castle while Diavolo purposely let the brothers search for them not letting them know they're with them. The brothers realised their mistake & did make up to MC for it.

https://www.tumblr.com/psychocoffeeaddict/701961598976294912/bad-day-you-tried-to-hold-back-the-tears-you (Bad day - Pt 1)

https://www.tumblr.com/psychocoffeeaddict/703283860264435712/thanks-minty86-for-asking-for-a-follow-up-youre (Bad day Pt 2)

https://www.tumblr.com/psychocoffeeaddict/703409082849181696/second-part-after-bad-day-the-boys-side-i (Lucifer’s Decision - Pt 3)

https://www.tumblr.com/psychocoffeeaddict/703762508945784832/okay-its-a-long-one-thanks-again-to-minty86 (Forgiveness - Last part of bad day)

I hope you enjoy it :)

Thank you so much!! ❤️❤️

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otomelife · 9 days

Text

...The footsteps of your lover outside grow louder until you do the obvious thing and hide yourself under the bed, hands over your mouth to try and conceal your heavy breathing. The pounding of your heart is more like to give you away, you think, as the door creaks open...

☾ I had an idea -- I didn't think I'd get super into it, but here we are almost 4k words later and all I can hope is someone screams at me so loud it makes Jude proud of me for the torment I am hoping I have inflicted.

You're welcome.

PLEASE READ THE CONTENT WARNINGS FOR THIS.

POMEGRANATE

Victor/Female Bodied Reader 3718 words CW: SAFE WORD USAGE!!!, Primal kink/predator & prey kink, very rough sex, oral sex (f recieving), multiple orgasms, piv, vaginal sex, major overstimulation, cumshots, unprotected sex, brief mirror sex, hair pulling, biting, dirty talk, mentions of a threesome, mentions of victor and will having sexual relations, having sex in another mans bed REQUESTS ☾ MASTERLIST

The castle is still.

It’s a rare moment when not a soul other than you and the man, your lover, stood just behind you is home. The maids have been dismissed on his whim, everyone is out on a mission that, according to him would take the better part of the night — if not the whole night. As if recounting his earlier promise, Victor’s arms tighten around your waist and he presses his body against your back, pushing you against the window of the ballroom slightly.

The lights are mostly off, too, apart from the odd oil lamp here or there. It’s eerily quiet, you find yourself jumping any time you hear a noise — an owl outside, the howling of the wind — Victor chuckles, his lips pressing against your ear and his tongue flicking out to run along the edge. So far all evening he’d kept you entertained, yet all his touches had been teasing and nothing more — perhaps he’s waiting for you to ask? Yet the idea of not mentioning it, to see just how far he’ll take his teasing until he can’t handle it anymore and needs you is far too tempting. A sweet forbidden fruit you know will leave you blissfully sore the day after.

His body presses against you more and you gasp when you feel his erection right against your backside. Your breasts against the window cold through the sheer fabric of the lingerie he’d asked you to put on for him earlier before dinner. It was less dinner and more sitting in his lap facing him, feeding each other numerous foods which were absolutely bad for you but so, so very good. Chocolate coated strawberries he knew would make Will jealous to know were kept from him, decorated with a gold leaf which you knew Elbert would crave more than anything. Each time you’d pressed one of the fruits to his lips, his tongue always came out to lick the chocolate from your fingers, and always he maintained eye contact. Yet it wasn’t more than that.

In fact, Victor had seemed almost entirely unaffected by the whole thing while you were positive he could feel the heat building between your legs the entire time.

“Victor,” you gasp out, resting your hands against the window to steady yourself.

His large hands roam your body, rubbing the top of your thigh through the silk you know must have cost him a lot — jet black like the night.

“Did you know… fear can heighten arousal,” he whispers, his lips against your ear. “Would you like to try?”

“Fear…?” you gulp down, trying to move your head to look at him but he has you trapped so perfectly that moving an inch just pushes you closer to him and his firm body. “How? I… don’t know-”

“You’re curious,” he breathes, slipping his fingers up the lingerie to brush against the even more sheer panties you’d put on underneath. “You’re very wet at the idea of it.”

“It’s not the idea,” you whisper quickly, your face burning multiple shades of red.

“Hmm… that redness in your cheeks gives me an idea-” he smiles. “We can use a safe word. How is pomegranate?”

“Pomegranate?”

“The beautiful shade of your cheeks, there’s nothing to be ashamed of, my dear.”

Unable to help the moan from escaping your lips, you close your eyes and give him a small nod. It would be a lie to say you weren’t curious what he had in mind; after all it seemed he’d been building up to it all day. “What… did you have in mind?”

Instantly he removes his fingers from your wetness and you mewl a little, even more when his body lets you go — the room is colder with the distance between you, but he’s smiling like he usually does, his eyes shining with a dangerous heat you’ve come to find a thrill in.

“I’ll give you a minute to run away from me,” he says calmly. “You can hide, just stay inside the castle.”

“And… when you catch me?”

“My dear, that should be obvious. I’ll take you exactly where I caught you.”

You gasp at the low voice he allows his words to pull from him, it’s dangerous, a growl almost and you find yourself taking a step back from him. It’s not that you fear him, you know victor would never hurt you but the castle is dark and he knows it far better than you — no matter how much you run and hide he’s going to find you. The anticipation already sets your heart racing before you rush out from the ballroom, intent on finding somewhere you can at least hide. No — no you want him to catch you, but he’s right, the fear of it, the anticipation — the beautiful thrill is all so arousing that you feel as if your thoughts are no longer yours.

Adrenaline helps you move faster, perhaps you can see better, you think as you rush through room after room. He’d expect you to go somewhere familiar, wouldn’t he? Yet you can’t help but feel anxious at going into one of the others rooms — Jude would likely torture you if he found out, and you don’t even want to think about what Alfons or Roger would do… Ellis would be okay with it, but—

Footsteps echo somewhere behind you.

There’s no time to think.

It’s the door to Will’s room you find yourself pushing open. It creaks slightly and you wince at how loud it seems in the silence, and hurry around trying to find some place to conceal yourself. The footsteps of your lover outside grow louder until you do the obvious thing and hide yourself under the bed, hands over your mouth to try and conceal your heavy breathing. The pounding of your heart is more like to give you away, you think, as the door creaks open. It doesn’t shut, you note, and you flick your eyes to the side to watch his feet move around the room.

The heat between your legs grows, the idea of him finding you almost pulling another moan from your lips. It takes your entire self control to hold it in and to not make a sound at all. Eventually, Victor’s feet turn towards the door and you let out a small sigh of relief.

Too soon.

“My dear, did you think you’d gotten away?”

Before you can process that you’ve been caught, his hand reaches out to grab your ankle and he drags you out from under Will’s bed. It’s more force from him than you’re used to, even more when he lifts you by the arm and throws you onto the bed.

“How….?” you mutter, trying to back up against him, but he crawls over you, caging you in between his arms and legs, his long hair a curtain to block out everything that isn’t him.

“You tripped on the carpet and neglected to fix it,” he chuckles, giving you a small smile as he leans closer, his breath hot against your lips. “And I could smell you.”

“Smell… me?”

“This-”

Victor cuts his words off to press his hands against your heat. You yelp at the sudden pressure, trying to escape him, your heart still going wild — the fear has made you more sensitive, it seems, your eyes are wide as they fix on him.

“The safe word? You remember it?” he breathes out.

It’s your final warning before he starts, you realise. It hadn’t been for the hunt — but rather what came after, when the predator finally enjoys their meal. A shudder ripples through you as you nod. “I-I remember it.” Your voice is hoarse and cracked, but he only smiles in response.

Victors lips press firm against your own, his kiss devouring and hot, louder than the sounds of rustling fabric as he pulls your panties off from under your negligee. It’s so easy to lose yourself in, to forget everything around you as he pushes you down on the bed. A bed which isn’t yours or his, a bed which belongs to another man — which, as you move the sheets - smell like him.

“Victor, wait-” you press against his chest. “I-I can’t make love to you on another man’s bed.”

“Hmm?” His eyes fix on yours as he gives you a much gentler kiss. “That’s okay, you won’t have to.” You relax up, perhaps he’ll take you to his room — your own is much closer, but— “All you have to do is lie there with your legs open while I fuck you on another man’s bed.”

His words are so unexpected that you can only stare at him dumbstruck as he lowers himself down your body. It’s not like him to be like this — Victor can be rough at times, that’s true, but he’s such a doting and sweet lover that you’ve always managed to forget the other side of him, the one he hides all too well. The dangerous side, the one right now that seems to want to take control of every part of you — antithesis to how he usually feels.

You know he’d stop if you said the safe word, and briefly you play around with it on your tongue. It’s not that you don’t like the idea, in fact you’re loathe for the whole thing to end you’re far, far too curious just how it’s going to go — but what if Will came home? What would he think? Victor has a habit of being an indulgent and messy lover, there’s no doubt Will is going to know what’s gone on— the idea brings hot shame to your face and you raise your hands to cover your cheeks.

“You’re worried about what he’s going to think, I see,” Victor purrs. “I guess the only thing I have to do then is make it so you can’t think about anything but me.”

His words end with a rather painful bite to the inside of your thigh that makes you jump. Victor’s hands firmly press your thighs open as he situates himself between your legs, and with one final smile, he lowers himself to devour your soaking pussy with his mouth. There’s no build up at all, his tongue instantly thrusting inside of you and exploring each inch. With his hands gripping your hips you can’t move at all, whimpering and mewling under him as you try desperately for more pressure. He knows exactly how to pleasure you, he always does, and the moment he feels you getting impatient, his lips move to the small bud of nerves. A small kiss first, and then he wraps his mouth around it and sucks firmly. A loud gasp escapes you with a yell of his name as he adds his teeth. Victor is careful not to hurt you, but the danger that he’s so close to being able to—

Victor doesn’t let up as he continues to consume you. By the time you feel yourself coming undone around his tongue, your whole body is entirely worked up — barely being able to move is frustrating, and trying to hide in all the sounds you’re making is exhausting. It’s another mans bed — Victor, your lover, is eating you out on another mans bed — he’s about to make you cum on another man’s bed. Will’s bed. His closest friend. It’s all too indecent, it’s all too much — a danger you’re going to be caught, the previous fear of being hunted by Victor, the darkness enveloping you both-

He sucks on your clit once more and it’s enough to pull your orgasm crashing down on you, pulling a scream of his name from your lips. He’s greedy, lapping up your arousal, eyes fixed on yours as he does so. You half expect him to make a joke of it, to say that’s enough teasing and to return you to his room, but instead he pushes your clothing up so your pussy is bare to him. “So wet for me,” he murmurs, prodding you with his fingers.

“Victor,” you whimper, trying to escape him.

“Not to worry, I’m afraid I’m to greedy to wait any longer.”

A few buttons of his shirt are already undone, your eyes trailing down the peak of skin until they stop where his hands are on his belt. It’s almost painfully slow as he removes his trousers. You gulp, licking your lips as you see just how hard he is — and, when he finally frees himself, you gasp at the sight of him. His wide tip is pleasantly flushed and dripping. Victor takes his cock in his hand and gives a few pumps of it, reaching down to cover his hand with your slick before he coats himself with it-

“Victor….”

There’s no warning other than him pulling you against him with one hand before he thrusts himself inside of you, all at once. Another loud cry echoes in the room as you grip the sheets below you; he doesn’t pause nor give you time to adjust before he’s snapping his hips against yours in a brutal pace. It’s too much, of that you’re aware of, your mind is hazy and you shake your head, feeling tears prick at your eyes. “It’s too much-” you gasp out. “Sl... slow down. I can’t take it.”

“My love, I would be happy if it were too much,” he whispers, leaning over to kiss you. You can taste yourself on him; more indecency, more arousal. “If I left you unable to leave my bed for the next few days while I dote on you. You’d think of nothing but how good I made you feel.”

As his hands ghost your breasts and you process his words you feel the knot in your stomach tighten again. It wouldn’t be the first time he’s pulled multiple orgasms from you in one night, but so quickly?! You try desperately to fight it, but each loud thrust of his body against yours is too much — the wetness, the feeling of just how much he’s filling you. The pressure builds — he truly is going to exhaust you, and you wonder if he’s going to stop even if you lose the ability to remain conscious. You could stop it at any time, yet the safe word feels further from the tip of your tongue than ever. Victor’s fingers pinch your nipples and your pleasure cascades over you again.

You feel your vision blur this time, your thoughts stopping and your breath catching somewhere in your chest. Your body tenses, fingers linked into sheets that belong to another man, your legs tangle with his to pull him closer to you — and yet, even through the intense feeling, he doesn’t slow down at all. Victor continues to fuck you, barely seeming to have a hair out of place as he does so.

It’s almost certain you’re a mess by now. You can feel traces of drool escaping the corners of your lips, unshed tears pooling the edge of your eyes, and the sounds, wetter than before, let you know just how much pleasure he’s brought from you.

Yet there’s nothing but love in his eyes as he peers down at you, his hips continuing their brutal pace.

“Victor…” you croak out, barely having the energy to reach for him.

In an instant he pulls out from you, and you gasp and mewl at the sudden emptiness — but just as quickly he flips you onto your stomach and thrusts back inside of you. One of Victor’s hands moves under your body to lift your hips a little, the other tangles into your hair and pulls tightly. You gasp and hiss in pain as your body pulls up against him — you have no energy to fight him, and when he sinks his teeth into your neck another loud moan escapes your lips, echoing through the entire castle.

“What if Will walked in on us right now?” he whispers, his lips against your ear, barely audible over the sound of how his body meets yours. You whimper, trying to pull away from him — it’s too much stimulation. “Would you take us both?”

“No-” you cry out. “I-I only want you.”

“But have you never thought about what it would be like?” he murmurs. “To have two men take you at once? Will is quite a sensual lover, I think you’d enjoy it,” he kisses along your jawline. “I know I do.”

His words bring reality back to you for a moment, possessiveness of your lover rearing itself in your chest. You can’t bite back the growl that escapes you as you press your body back against his cock; a low moan leaves Victor, he’s close now, he has to be.

“Don’t worry,” he carries on, his voice strained. He lets go of your hair and his hand pushes down the front of your lingerie to grab your breasts. There’s a mirror in front of you that you catch sight of yourself in, cum runs down your legs, drool down your chin and neck, your pupils blown and eyelids heavy. You barely recognise yourself, even with your eyes focused on the way Victor enters into you. “You’re the only one I’ve ever loved.”

Instantly your guard is lowered, brought back to the reality that the man fucking you like an animal is your sweet, attentive lover. Sensing this, he pushes you face first into the bed, Will’s bed, and grips both of your hips to lift you up. Each time he hits deep inside of you, you cry out, begging for it to end and for it to carry on all at once. Your body is sore and exhausted, but you feel so amazingly good that if it were to carry on, you’re almost certain you truly would lose your mind.

Victor pulls another orgasm from you, this time the sensation of your body clamping around him brings him to the edge. He stills, only for a moment, as he fills you up — gasping and gripping your hips tight enough to leave nail marks there. You barely notice the pain, pliant when he pulls out and flips you onto your back again.

Surely this is where he bundles you into his arms, kisses you, and looks after you.

He thrusts in again and your eyes go wide-

“Just a bit more,” he breathes out.

You have no energy left to fight any of the sounds that leave you, each whimper, each cry, each moan — your throat is already sore, your eyes heavy. You’re certain you’re going to pass out, yet you haven’t the ability to reach for him like you want to. The safe word reaches for you again, and just as you debate finally saying it-

Victor pulls out and grips his erect cock, with a few sharp jerks of his hand, he covers your body with his cum. You want to protest, it’s expensive silk, but you’re devoid of any words or anything left to protest as you lay there and let him. Finally, he lets go and leans over you to inspect his work. Long fingers ghost over your body and you whimper, overly sensitive to every touch he has, almost scared he’s going to want to go again-

“Open,” he murmurs, prodding your lips with his fingers. You obey him and he slips his slender fingers inside of your mouth. “I should have finished myself in here too, but I don’t want you to pass out just yet.”

“Victor-” you groan, licking off his fingers.

He places a tender kiss to your forehead before he stands up and lifts you into his arms. You feel almost boneless as you rest against him, head lulling against his shoulder like a ragdoll. Each gentle movement of his steps almost enough to finally pull sleep from you — and when the scent and warmth of his sheets surrounds you, you’re certain you can’t stay awake for much longer.

“I should clean you up,” he sighs, sitting on the edge of the bed. “But seeing you covered in me…” he reaches out to touch you, but thinks better of it, and with a gentle smile vanishes into the adjoined bathroom. In the space between awareness and dreams you find time distorted, you’re unsure if you fell asleep at some point, because by the time you’re aware again, Victor is back at your side with a wash cloth.

“I apologise,” he murmurs, gently tracing his fingers over one of the harsh bitemarks he’d left — the one on your neck. “I was rough. Too rough.”

“It’s okay,” you manage to get out, wincing at the state of your voice. “I… like this side of you.”

Victor smiles and pulls the covers over you. “I’ll join you soon— but…” he trails off, looking almost hesitant, before he stands up. “Consider the offer of allowing Will into our bed. I think you’d enjoy it, and you deserve to be lavished with love.”

He was serious about it? Briefly, before sleep pulls you into it’s embrace, you find yourself lamenting you can’t have two Victor’s to enjoy at once — would he truly… be okay if Will was to join in once? It’s not something you would have ever considered in the past, but now you find yourself unable to brush it off and you’re certain your dreams are going to be full of possibilities of indecent things you absolutely should never desire.

taglist

@nightghoul381 @celiciaa @nani-nani-nani @starlitmanor-network @natimiles

@candied-boys @aquagirl1978 @tele86 @aria-chikage @queengiuliettafirstlady @sh0jun @judesmoonbeauty @maries-gallery

if you wish to be added to my taglist drop me a message or a comment ♡

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otomelife · 11 days

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I FORGOT TO INCLUDE 'GAME' IN THE TITLE. WHICH IKEMEN SERIES GAME HAS YOUR FAVE CHARA DESIGN LMAO. can't edit it now and im too lazy to repost this tho so yeah clarifying it here

edit: also i'm only including ones with an official EN localisation bc i figure that's what most people are familiar with, but if you play any JP-only games and you like their art style feel free to name them in the notes! 🩷

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otomelife · 11 days

Text

Paper cuts come when you least expect them. You thought it was pathetic that a mature human such as yourself couldn't even flip a page without slicing their skin open, but old Devildom books were made of the worst paper. Super thin, and sharp like a blade when touched at the wrong angle.

The small distraction sucked you out of the novel you were reading and back into reality. You shut the book and shook your hand, waiting for the pain to run its course. These actions did not go unnoticed.

"Let me see your hand," Satan murmured. He was suddenly looming over your armchair and gently cupping your fingers.

"It's not bad, don't worry." You were more concerned about the book's pages. Satan's collection had a lot of rare and expensive tomes. The novel in your lap looked fine, but how angry would Satan get if a drop of blood spilled onto it? He might not verbally assault you like he would others, but you feared he'd sulk about it for at least a few weeks.

Satan pulled a square cloth from his back pocket. He paused to stare at it. It looked fine. Maybe a little wrinkled, but nothing that should have made him frown. "My handkerchief is dirty."

He roughly shoved it back into the pocket and instead lifted the hem of his shirt, then lightly blotted at your wound with the still-warm fabric.

"Hey! Nooo, that's just going to make your clothes harder to clean later." You went to jerk your arm back, but Satan's gentle hold turned into an iron grip. Those abs weren't just for show. "It's gonna stain! Knock it off. I can lick it or something."

"Oh, good idea." Satan's shirt slid back down as he dropped it and knelt. He rested his elbows on the seat cushion, one on either side of your legs.

"I can do it! I can do it!" You tried to stop him, but he was already seductively dragging his tongue over your fingertip. "Don't even thi-- ahhh, Satan come on!"

There was far more blood rushing through your face than in the tiny little cut. It astounded you how Satan could pull off an embarrassing action so smoothly, without hesitation.

"Are you done yet?" You didn't know if it had been five seconds or five minutes, but you thought it was long enough.

"Mmh." He mercifully stopped, giving your palm a quick peck. "Move over."

The armchair was meant for one, but it was big and cushy. If you scooted to the side it could probably fit two. "Why?"

Satan was already climbing into the space next to you, raising you onto his legs. "I'm gonna make sure it doesn't happen again. I'll read to you."

He leaned back into the chair, pulling you along with him, and curled an arm around your waist to reach the novel. "So, which page were you on?"

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otomelife · 12 days

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Hello people

This is my first fic

So I hope you guys enjoy it qwq

CHAPTER 1

Fandom: Tears of Themis

Word limit: +2k words

Summary: This is basically an au where Rosa has a mafia background and well...you'll see qwq

Disclamer: english is not my first language and this is my first fic as I said so this might be pretty bad

Please do let me know of any mistakes or how I can improve my writing (ˊ˘ˋ*)

It was yet another meeting in the NXX quarters except the mood in the air said otherwise. The room was quiet save for the low hum of the computer screens, giving voice to various buzzing emotions. The room was silent and yet it wasn't. Everyone seemed a bit tense. Well everyone except a key member of the NXX. Ever since Letha Graye's case came to a close, Rosa has not been attending any of the NXX meetings and has taken a leave from the office. Nothing was out of the ordinary about that except for the fact that she did not answer any of the calls or replied to any of the messages either.

"Has anyone been able to contact her yet?" Artem start glancing at everyone's faces

"I tried to call her yesterday but she didn't pick up." Marius says

"She hasn't replied to any of my messages either" Luke adds

And room falls silent once again. They thought that she still needed time after this case so everyone chose to give her some space, but the fact that she won't pick up calls or reply to any texts made them worried. It took the boys their everything not to just drop everything and rush over to her apartment to check on her. But alas all they could do was just wait.

The next day while Artem was working in his office he received an unexpected call from the reception saying that someone wanted to meet him.

In the office walks a tall young man probably in his early twenties. He had brown hair and eyes a light shade of rose

"Hello? May I come in?" He asks

Artem didn't recognize that man. He assumed he was another client seeking legal aid. But this stranger never specified that.

"Yes. You may" He said as the stranger walked in. He extended his hand as a formal greeting just as the man bowed in his own was of greeting. They both froze mid action.

The stranger was the first to recover

"Oh right" He looked at Artem apologetically as he shake hands with him in greetings

"So, how may I help you?" Artem asked

"Yes. Im just here to deliver these." The stranger said as he handed Artem a very familiar stack of documents

"Rosa asked me to deliver these to you" The man said

Artem froze and glanced at the man. This time he paid attention to all the details. He was a little hesitant and perhaps afraid? as he asked

"....and who might you be?"

"Oh. She didn't tell you?" The stranger said continuing

"I'm her brother. Allen." He stated

"I'm here to visit her"

Artem released a breath he didn't know he was holding he seemed much more relaxed now that he knew the relationship between the two.

"Ah, I see." He smiled "but why didn't she herself deliver these documents herself? Is she okay?" He asked his voice laced with concern

Allen reassured her saying "ah no no! She's okay! It's just that we have some family issue so she's busy packing"

"Packing?"

"Oh yes um-" He handed the senior attorney a formal letter for a long leave

His eyes widened for a millisecond before he schooled his expression once more as he looked over at the contents of the letter before giving a curt nod.

"I see. Well thankyou for delivering these to me" Artem said as Allen left his office

"Well...this is unexpected " He thought

Something like this has never happened before....perhaps....he should check up on her?

Up Next...

"Stop fighting you two" The two siblings froze as they looked back at the man walking their way with an obvious scowl on his face

Everyone sat at the round table to start their so called family meeting

"I wish to retire and so you've all been gathered here to prove yourself worthy of the seat to become the next head of the yakuza"

....my partners in crime! >:3

(@chandeliermichel @riveranova @mllorei)

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otomelife · 22 days

Text

"Is it true that you had 700 wives?"

Solomon looks up from his book, to where you're laying on his bed, homework in hand. He'd convinced you to take the class "Rhetoric 101: How to win any argument with an angel using biblical quotes" because he'd figured it'd be fun to watch you try to spark up an argument with Simeon. It was a nice perk that you could study together. It hadn't even occurred to him that he might get mentioned in the coursework.

You read over the pages, eyes brimming with amusement. "What could you possibly need 700 wives for?" you ask and he shrugs. "Mostly politics and gaining land," he says but you don't seem entirely convinced. "Might I remind you that this was happening during a period of 80 years?" he says but you just raise your brows at him. "That's still like 9 wives per year, though. How on earth did you have time for that?" you're laughing now, really laughing and Solomon has to fight a smile.

"What, they'd get like a month and a half each before you were on to the next one," you say, wiping the tears on your cheek. "Actually, I never even met most of them," he says, hoping to help his cause, but it only causes you to laugh even harder. Solomon huffs and pretends to read his book again, letting your laughter subside, but once you read the next line of your homework you're laughing again.

"You had 300 concubines? How is that even possible?" you cackle and Solomon rolls his eyes. "That was a rumour. I did not have that many," he says but you're far gone, clutching your belly as you gasp for air. "I'll have you know that having a pact with the Avatar of Lust gives you a very high libido-" he begins.

"Oh, trust me, I know," you wheeze.

He's on you in a second, pushing you down on the bed, a hand on each side of your head. You giggle, when he presses kisses to your face, any surface he can reach, your cheeks, your forehead, your nose.

"Stop" kiss "teasing" kiss "me!" kiss, he whines, but you've only just begun. "Oh, I'm sorry, my lord, it's just I haven't seen you in three years, you've been so busy with all your wives-" Solomon shuts you up with a kiss on the lips and you bury your hands in his hair, leaning into it. He lays down on top of you, using your chest as a pillow, refusing to move an inch. "Sol, you're crushing me," you complain and he grumbles. He presses a kiss to your collarbone and grabs your homework, throwing it into a corner of his room, before getting comfortable again, this time crushing you a little less. You run your fingers through his hair, humming softly.

You both know that it doesn't actually matter how many wives or concubines or past lovers he's had. Sometimes Solomon thinks that it's all just been a build-up, that none of it actually mattered. His real life didn't begin until he met you and he's completely fine with that.

"Sooo, did you have a favourite? Or perhaps 30 favourites?"

"Oh, shut up."

2K notes · View notes

otomelife · 26 days

Text

-`♡´- the day you and the stars disappeared.

summary: the discovery and aftermath of your disappearance. what do your beloveds do in your absence?

tags: obey me characters (lucifer, mammon, levi, asmo, satan, beel, belphie, diavolo, barbatos, solomon, simeon, and thirteen) x gn!reader, angst, spoilers for the first chapter of obey me! nightbringer.

When Lucifer wakes up, the left side of his bed is cold.

It's not the most unusual thing. Lucifer was much less of a morning person that you were. He glaces to his bedside table. 8:30; it was too early for you to be out of bed on the weekend. Even if you woke up early, you'd still be tucked into his arms, or scrolling through Devilgram on your D.D.D.

Lucifer sits up, a pout on his face. You couldn't have strayed too far in such a short time.

"Beloved?" He calls, hoping you could hear him if you were in the bathroom. Lucifer says your name, this time a little louder, but again gets no response.

It wasn't your turn to be on breakfast duty... Perhaps you had a bad dream? You did tend to hide those things from him.

He closes his eyes and thinks of you. Usually, he would feel a faint warmth, like the fluttering of a moth's wings underneath his skin; it was the feeling of your soul connected to his through your pact. But now, even with all his focus, the feeling of your soul connection is nothing but a cold static.

Lucifer swallows the panic welling up in his chest and stands, quickly throwing on his clothes and rushing from his room. He starts in the basement, looking in any place a human could possibly squeeze into, desperately calling out your name. The ever-composed Lucifer, reduced to tearing the house apart when his human isn't in his sights.

He hopes that he is overreacting. He hopes that he'll find you curled up with Mammon, or on a walk outside the house.

He hopes that you are still somewhere that he can reach.

"Oy, Lucifer, what's going on?" Mammon. Lucifer takes a deep breath and tries to collect himself. If he let himself be emotional, his brothers would take that as a sign that something is very, very wrong. He would have to hold himself together, for now. "You're waking everyone up."

"Mammon, have you seen MC?" Calm enough.

"I haven't seen 'em since last night, they were with you, right?" You and Lucifer stayed up late to finish paperwork for your new student council role. "You didn't make 'em angry, did you?"

Lucifer's pout deepens. He's sure he'll age a millennia faster with how much he worries over you. "No, nothing like that. We finished up the assignments and then went to bed." Lucifer sighs, "and then when I woke up this morning, they weren't there. It's unlike them."

"You sure they just didn't go for a walk or something?" Mammon checks his phone to see if there were any messages from you.

"Mammon... try to connect to them with your pact."

Mammon closes his eyes, and repeats the same action Lucifer did only a few minutes prior.

Nothing.

Mammon instantly shifts into his demon form, fear evident in his eyes.

"I'm gonna go drag Solomon over here. He'll be able to track 'em if they're nearby, right?"

"He should be. Bring Simeon too, if he's there.". Lucifer straightens himself out. "I'll wake Leviathan and then go get Diavolo and Barbatos. Maybe they'll know more about what's going on."

Mammon nods, out the door before Lucifer can even finish his sentence.

Lucifer doesn't allow himself any more moments alone, he rushes upstairs to shake Leviathan awake.

-`♡´-

"No need to pound on the door, Mammon." Simeon smiles, but Mammon can tell he's annoyed. Giving Simeon a minute to open the door was Mammon's idea of being patient, he had half a mind to knock the damn thing off its hinges. "Is there anything—".

"Where's Solomon?" Mammon cuts him off, pushing past him and into Purgatory Hall's living room. The smell of fresh coffee fills the air; just how early did these guys wake up?

"He's still sleeping, I believe. Why are you in such a rush?" Simeon asks.

"MC's missing. Need him to find them. He in his room?"

"What?"

"You heard me!" Mammon can hardly keep it together. He didn't want to talk about it, he knew that if he started talking he wouldn't be able to stop.

He hadn't felt your soul connection so cold since... since...

"What's going on?" Solomon steps out of the hallway, still in his pajamas. "I heard Mammon yelling. What happened to MC?"

Of course he'd have been listening in. "Lucifer woke up this morning and they weren't there. Can't hardly feel their soul at all, it's like they're—".

"What do you mean?" Solomon's eyebrows quirk up, clearly not expecting to hear that. "What does it feel like?"

"Damn it, Solomon, it feels like it did when Belphie... y'know." Mammon can't bring himself to say it. It was too awful, what he did to you. "Enough talking, do your magic thing and find 'em!"

Solomon and Simeon exchange worried looks. "Alright, let me get dressed. Then we'll head off. But Mammon...".

"What?" Mammon huffs, already heading towards the door.

"I'm sure they're fine. You know how capable they are. Perhaps they just wanted some alone time."

"Yes, MC has survived a lot. I'm sure they just popped back up to the Human World or something... We'll probably be laughing about this with them at the end of the day."

Simeon smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes. Mammon tries not to let the thought that they might be trying to placate him bother him.

-`♡´-

"You want me to watch over our brothers? Why? What's happening?" Levi sits up in his bathtub bed, disoriented from being shaken awake so suddenly.

He had heard the commotion earlier, but assumed that Mammon had done something to warrant Lucifer's ire. Lucifer searching through Levi's room while he was sleeping wasn't the strangest occurrence. Mammon did hide things in here from time to time.

"Levi, don't worry over this right now. I'll fill you in once we figure out what's going on."

"No, Lucifer, tell me now!" Levi stands, suddenly very awake. "You're worried over something, and you're never worried, not like this."

Even standing up straight, Lucifer was still looking down at Leviathan.

"Telling you would only make the situation worse." Levi hates how patronizing Lucifer sounds. He hated it when they first fell and he hated it now. "Make sure the others stay put, I'll be back soon."

Levi moves quickly to stop him from leaving. "If you don't tell me, I'll... I'll summon Lotan!" Lucifer steps forward, but Leviathan doesn't budge. "I'll really do it, Lucifer! I'm serious about this!"

It would probably take Levi a few hundred years to muster up the courage to stand up to Lucifer like this again. But watching the cold pity fade from his brother's eyes and turn into something more akin to pride was worth it.

"MC is gone, and I'm going to the Demon Lord's Castle to seek Diavolo and Barbatos's help." Lucifer says it with such a barely-maintained calmness that Leviathan knows this is serious. That you weren't sucked into a silly game or hiding out in Purgatory Hall for the weekend.

Levi feels his heart sink.

"Now, can you do as you're told and stay put? I'll be back soon." Lucifer squeezes Levi's shoulder, forcing Levi to listen. "If anything happens, call me."

He nods, but once Lucifer turns to leave, he quietly falls back into bed. Levi watches Henry swim around in his goldfish tank; you had just fed him yesterday, how did things change so much in just a few hours?

No, he can't shut down here. If something happened to you and he wasn't there to help he would never forgive himself.

You had saved him so many times before, it was time for him to be your Knight. (God, he sounded like a normie).

-`♡´-

When Mammon arrives back to the House of Lamentation with Simeon, Solomon, and Thirteen (Solomon had called her for help), the front door is blown off its hinges. Levi peeks through sheepishly at the four of them, waving for them to come in.

"What the hell happened here?" Thirteen tries to shut the door behind them, but it slowly starts to creak back open as soon as its closed.

"I told Satan what happened." Levi sighs, fiddling with the ends of his sleeves. "He went out to calm himself down. Said he'll be back by the time Lucifer gets home."

"Have you guys found anything here?" Simeon asks Leviathan. Just past Levi in the living room was Asmodeus, who was anxiously staring down at his phone.

Beel descends the stairs at the same time Belphie comes up from the basement: "I checked all the rooms upstairs, they're not up there."

Belphie shakes his head: "They're nowhere in the basement, either."

"I've been texting anyone that knows them from R.A.D. No one has seen them yet." Asmodeus blinks back tears. "This is crazy, you know! Why does this kind of thing always happen to them?"

"Well, they're not dead. So stop acting so sad!" Thirteen chimes in, sprawling herself out on the living room couch. "I checked their candle this morning myself. I can check again but trust me, I would know if they died. I'm a reaper, y'know?"

"You checked their candle this morning? Isn't that quite a walk from where you sleep?" Despite the situation, Solomon just can't help himself. Thirteen sits up and throws a pillow at the sorcerer, cheeks flushed.

"I just had some business over there, that's all." Thirteen huffs, sinking back into the sofa so she doesn't have to see Solomon's smug face. "Anyways, aren't you supposed to be doing your thing?"

"Yeah, get to it, Solomon." Mammon tugs on the back of Solomon's cape, pointing him towards Lucifer's room. "They were last seen in there. See if you can find anything."

-`♡´-

Simeon stands near the doorway to Lucifer's room with Mammon, watching as Solomon searches for traces of anything that might give them a clue as to your whereabouts.

Simeon had thought that he had accepted being human. He thought the feeling of powerlessness that was so overwhelming to him at first had finally settled; there was nothing he could do to gain his grace back after what he had done, after all.

But now? He knew even as an angel there wasn't much more he could do to find you. If he had become your Guardian Angel like he had teased so many times, he could at least feel out if you were in danger.

Cautious Simeon, always so scared to make that final jump.

He says a prayer for you, quietly. Simeon hopes that his Father would still lend his ear to his own child, no matter how far he had strayed.

"There's one strong concentration here." Solomon frowns, gesturing to an area a little above shoulder height, right beside the left side of Lucifer's bed. "but that's all I can sense right now."

"Yeah, there's gotta be something else you missed." Mammon anxiously looks around the room, checking to see for himself if anything was out of place. "Keep looking."

They both follow Solomon as he does just that. He checks Lucifer's bathroom, in the closets, in the halls by his door... Nothing.

"I just don't get it." Solomon says, eyes closed in thought. He leans against the low table in the hallways. "If someone went through all this trouble to kidnap MC, why would they leave such an obvious trace behind?"

"Who gives a shit their motive right now. Tell us that you found something that can lead us to them, Solomon." Desperation drips from Mammon's voice. Mammon needs some hope to hold on to; Simeon empathizes with that feeling.

If Thirteen hadn't assured everyone you were still alive Simeon is sure he'd be snapping at Solomon too. Solomon was a good friend, but there's something about how casual he is with everything that makes Simeon angry. Did he not love you too?

"I did, don't worry, Mammon." Solomon pats Mammon's shoulder, "Once everyone gets back, I'll explain what I found."

-`♡´-

Diavolo, Barbatos, and Lucifer arrive shortly after Solomon is done with his search.

The anxiety in the room is palpable; any news at all could set them alight. Especially Satan, who seemed to be trying to remember old breathing exercises to keep back his demon form.

"Solomon, they're here!" Asmodeus announces, and Simeon, Solomon, and Mammon come out from Lucifer's room to join everyone in the living room.

Lucifer doesn't comment on the broken door, he doesn't much care if the house itself was destroyed in the process of finding you.

"Tell us what you've found." Diavolo asks; Lucifer had informed him and Barbatos about what had happened on the way back from the castle. It had been a long while since Diavolo had seen his old friend look so grave.

Solomon comes around the couch and takes a seat by Thirteen. She scoots away.

"Well, there wasn't much left behind to find.... Which is good in its own way." Solomon crosses his legs. "Time magic was used sometime in Lucifer's bedroom last night. It appears MC has been taken to another point in this timeline."

As soon as the words leave his mouth, all eyes go to Barbatos. Even Barbatos looks stunned, eyes widening in shock.

"Time magic?" Satan stands, hands clenching at his sides. "I would like an explanation then, Barbatos. Now."

"I... am afraid I am as in the dark as you all are." The hesitation in Barbatos's voice does little to persuade the brothers. Beel stands and keeps a watchful eye on Satan. If you were here, you wouldn't want anyone to get hurt for your sake.

Diavolo stands in front of Barbatos. "Now, you all know Barbatos isn't the only being capable of time magic."

"Is it possible that someone else used your portals?" Thirteen asks. "You leave those things wide open, don'tcha? Seems like an easy target."

"I would know if anyone other than myself used them, yes. But I did not feel any abnormalities last night."

Belphie turns to Solomon. "Wait, you said time magic, what time period did they get sent to?"

"Ah, well that's a little tricky." Solomon answers with a sheepish smile. "The residual magic was strong, but you would expect more to be left behind if they went to the future. Future magic is highly unstable, anyways. It's more likely they were sent somewhere into the past, probably around the time of the Celestial War based on my analysis."

Belphie shakes his head. "You can't say 'probably', you have to be certain about this."

"Then, yes, I am certain that is where they are." Solomon answers smoothly.

The second the words leave Solomon's mouth, Mammon speaks up:

"Okay, so how do we get them back?!"

-`♡´-

With lots of loud disagreements, and a few almost-fights, they come to terms that it has to be Solomon that goes after you.

No one particularly likes that idea, but he was the only one who wouldn't completely disrupt the timeline. His past self wouldn't be in the Devildom, so he could avoid paradoxes, and he was more than strong enough to protect himself if need be.

That same day, Barbatos prepares the portal for Solomon to go through after you. But not before one last warning from Diavolo:

Diavolo's eyes are stern, hand gripping Solomon's shoulder tight enough to where it would be painful. Solomon takes a step back, but Diavolo's body follows him.

"You bring them back safe." A warning, "And bring them back swiftly. Whatever you must do to get them back... do it."

Solomon, frankly, had had enough warnings from the demon brothers, and from his old friend Thirteen to understand that his life was forfeit if he came back without you.

He supposed he couldn't fault their protectiveness, however. If your safety was left alone in the hands of any other, he's sure he'd do worse to guarantee you came back alive and well.

"Of course," Solomon rolls his shoulder, shrugging off the Prince's hold. "You know I want them back just as much as you do. Perhaps even more."

Diavolo pats his back, his usual genial smile returning to his face, and he laughs. "Oh, I doubt that."

Barbatos gestures to the two, indicating that everything is ready for Solomon to step through. Solomon doesn't feel anything but calm, for what did he have to be anxious about? He was getting to see you again.

Was it selfish of him to be happy that he would be in a time period where the one you would rely on the most would be him?

"Bring them back to us," Is the last thing he hears before he steps through the portal, and into the past.

-`♡´- Lucifer

Lucifer busies himself with his work. If he fills his schedule enough, he doesn't have time to worry about you constantly, doesn't have time for his mind to cycle through the worst of what could happen with you out of his reach.

He volunteers to take on all of your duties that you were newly appointed as R.A.D.'s newest student council officer. Lucifer doesn't want anything to get in the way of you spending time with him again once you get back.

When he isn't working, he takes care of his brothers. The House of Lamentation always becomes a little quieter when you're not around, but the silence this time is more somber.

Lucifer doesn't scold them as much, gives them more leeway when they skip classes or forget to turn in assignments. He knows they're struggling and he doesn't want to add to that burden.

He hardly sleeps unless he passes out from exhaustion. When he does, his dreams are of blame. Why didn't he just wake up when you were taken? You were right there.

-`♡´- Mammon

Mammon had to be held back by Levi and Beel to keep him from going into the portal after Solomon.

It wasn't fair that that guy got to go and he had to stay behind. He was your first man! Mammon wasn't even sure that Solomon didn't play a role in helping you disappear. He never trusted that guy.

But all he could do now was hope that he would bring you back, right? It didn't matter anymore who saved you, just the fact that you were alive and safe and in his arms would be enough for him.

Mammon misses you ardently.

He texts you about his day every day. He knows the messages won't deliver, but he doesn't have anyone else to send them too. Sometimes he'll even call your phone so he can hear your voice in the voicemail. It helps him sleep.

-`♡´- Leviathan

He's just so tired of this. He thought once your trials at R.A.D. were over, you could settle down in the House of Lamentation forever.

If anyone deserved a life full of peace, it was you. You had endured way too much hardship on their account to keep having these things happen to you.

Levi tries to maintain a normalcy for you to return to. He buys games that you had on your radar for you to play with him once you got back.

He likes looking at the pictures you both had taken together. Cosplay pics, photobooth strips, candid polaroids... precious memories that could never be replaced.

And, when he really misses you, he takes one of your school uniforms, hanging up neatly in your closet and takes it to bed with him. It still smells like you, and if he closes his eyes, he can picture you're there with him.

Though, waking up and seeing you weren't there is like losing you all over again.

-`♡´- Satan

Satan worries.

He knew what he was like right after the Celestial War. He knew what monstrous things he did when he couldn't control his anger; before he made a conscious decision to crawl his way out of his emotional stagnation and to be more than he was created to be.

He gets into a habit of hanging out with Thirteen. Satan never really cared much for her attitude, but she's the only one who would know if you were still alive.

She's tolerable, in that when they get together they always end up talking about you. Satan doesn't tell her the best stories about you, no, those were reserved only for himself.

When he is alone, he often drifts towards your room. He knows his brothers often sleep there when you're gone, so he washes your sheets and makes your bed back up when they're not there.

Satan even tidies his own room just enough so that you would have room to sleep in his bed with him when you returned.

-`♡´- Asmodeus

To have both you and Solomon taken away from him in the same day, it seems a bit cruel, doesn't it?

He's thankful for all the consolations from his friends and his fans; the well wishes are nice, but it isn't the same as hearing it from your voice.

Asmo tells anyone who will listen about what happened to you in hopes that they'll spin stories back at him. Even if most were lies conjured to make him feel better, there always are some true stories in the mix. He hears a few rumors of ancient, powerful demons that he hands over to Satan and Belphie to look more into. He was glad he could do something.

Asmodeus starts collecting things that remind him of you. Flowers that never wilt, lamb plushies, silk pajamas — there's a box in his room of gifts to give you once you get back home.

He writes down everything that you've missed since you disappeared, he has so much to catch you up on, after all! And if there's a lot of 'I love you's' and things he misses about you in between topics, he's sure you won't mind hearing them, too.

-`♡´- Beelzebub

Beel feels a little lost without you there.

You were so ingrained in his daily schedule that he doesn't know what to do with a lot of his time. You, Mammon, him, and Belphie would always hang out after school, since the four of you had the same last period.

There was no sun in the Devildom, but he didn't need any to feel warm sitting next to you three. Mammon would bring cards, and you would take turns picking out games to play.

You would usually win; he loved seeing your smile as you asked for praise for winning. Belphie and Mammon would pout, but Beel was always happy to tell you you did a good job. He keeps an ongoing score sheet somewhere in his backpack:

MC - 102, Mammon - 16, Belphie - 59, Beel - 20. He didn't care much for winning as long as everyone was happy.

He makes his way to the gardens and finds your usual spot empty. Beel waits there for a long while, but only Belphie shows up.

Beel thinks that maybe in the past, you were waiting for him in the same spot too. The thought makes him feel a little less lonely.

-`♡´- Belphegor

Belphie misses you, of course, but he really finds this whole situation odd.

Time magic. Diavolo had said that other beings were capable of it, but Belphie had never heard of anyone, besides Barbatos, that had mastered it enough to send someone back that far. Belphie wasn't the most well-connected person, but he thinks he would've heard about them by now.

Satan thinks the same thing, and so the 'Anti-Lucifer League' is postponed, and in its place the 'MC's Detective Agency' forms. Beel sits in on most meetings, and the rest of the brothers join in occasionally.

But with so few leads there was only so much they could do. But still, Belphie is determined not to give up. If you were in his shoes, he knows you would do the same thing.

He would never admit it to anyone, but he wants to hear you say that you're proud of his work. To feel you pet his head and tell him he did good, to kiss him on the cheeks for working so hard.

...And, of course, making whoever did this pay for what they did would be good, too.

-`♡´- Diavolo

The last note you left him is still taped to his desk:

A chibi of you fist-pumping is drawn on the side of the yellow sticky. There's a big speech bubble that reads: "You can do it, Dia! Knock out that paperwork!" He can't help but smile every time he sees it.

It's silly, but when he looks down and reads those words of encouragement he feels your loss even more strongly. He's sure Solomon will be back with you soon, but as the weeks roll on, he starts getting impatient.

He sends all his best men to search for whoever did this to you. Without any solid leads, it was like chasing the wind, but it helped settle his mind, if only a little.

He supposes you did spoil him too much. He forgot what it was like to be so lonely when you were around. And unlike the brothers, he couldn't just curl up in your bed whenever he wanted to be reminded of you.

Would it be so improper to move you into the castle once you got back? At least here, he would know you were safe. Nothing like this would ever happen to you again on his watch.

-`♡´- Barbatos

Barbatos knows that all eyes are on him.

It isn't hard to figure out that the brothers are suspicious of him. Mammon's crows perch outside his bedroom, Satan takes extra trips to the library in the castle, Belphie "gets lost" wandering the halls after dinner... Even Lucifer asks him pointed questions about that night.

He understands that it comes with the territory of his powers, but when has he ever done anything to jeopardize the exchange program? If he wanted to send you away would he not have done it when you first arrived? Would he not have let you die at the hands of Belphegor?

The him of today would never think of such a thing. Barbatos cared too much about your safety to let you wander too far from his sights.

He knows it is an indulgence that only he is afforded, but he can't help but steal looks into your life back in time as you try to find your way back to them.

Perhaps the others would like to hear about how you are doing, but Barbatos thinks these things are best kept to himself. He was never a fan of sharing, anyways.

-`♡´- Simeon

Luke cries and cries and cries when Simeon tells him what happened to you. Simeon holds the boy in his arms tight, rocking him back and forth to soothe his troubled heart.

He had done this many nights in the past, and he's sure he'd do it for many nights in the future.

The last time it had happened it had been when Simeon had told Luke about losing his powers. You had been there, then, and had cried as soon as you saw tears well up in Luke's eyes. Luke was less sad and more angry at Simeon for not telling him sooner. He had held you both in his arms that night, and before long the three of you fell asleep together.

Simeon wishes you were here now to hold him. To tell him it was going to be alright. But he supposed if you were here the both of them wouldn't have anything to cry about.

Michael allows Luke to stay in Purgatory Hall for as long as it would take to get you back. Simeon is thankful for the company; with Raphael and Solomon gone, and the Hall silent, it was easy for Simeon to start blaming himself.

He hears Luke pray every night for your safety, and Simeon slips back into the habit as well.

-`♡´- Thirteen

Thirteen spends a lot more time in her cave when you're not around.

What's the point of going to R.A.D. if you weren't there? It's not like she cared much about anyone else that went there. And to hear the brothers cry about missing you... She couldn't take it.

She cared about you too, but you didn't see her moping around about it!

But even worse was the fact Solomon got to go back in time to save you. Just thinking about you spending all that alone time with that shitty Sorcerer makes her blood boil; he could live a thousand lifetimes and never once deserve you.

She goes and checks your candle every morning to see if the flame is going strong. Thirteen breathes easy when she sees the bright orange flame light up the darkness.

Reapers weren't supposed to interfere directly with mortal's lifespans, but she supposed it wouldn't hurt if she poured some of Solomon's melted wax onto your candle. It's not like he would need it anyways.

Besides, this was her making up for lost time. Every day you were away shouldn't count! You didn't choose to go back in time, after all!

255 notes · View notes

otomelife · 1 month

Note

Hello! Can I request scenario or headcanons (it's up to you) with N who meets his childhood crush (gn!reader) who came back from their hometown Paldea after a long time. And it's their meeting after a long time, they catch up and both of them still have feelings for each other. Reader has meowscarada as partner pokemon and meowscarada sees that they both pin on each other so tried to set them up (or helps to N ask reader out) bc wants to see it's trainer happy.

(sorry that it's so long but I've been thinking about this for days)

Enchanted Reunion

Pairing: n x gn!reader

Words: 642

Warnings: none

A/N: idk how did this one turned out?? I hope it’s good enough🫣

As the sun dipped below the horizon, casting a warm golden glow over the bustling city at Unova, N found himself wandering through the streets with a sense of anticipation. He had heard whispers, rumors that a familiar face had returned to the city after a long absence. And deep within his heart, he hoped that those rumors were true. His heart raced as he finally spotted the silhouette he had longed to see. There you were, standing on a street corner, your smile as radiant as he remembered. With a quickened pace, N approached, his heart pounding in his chest.

"y/n!" he called out, his voice filled with a mix of surprise and delight. You turned toward the sound, your eyes widening as you met his gaze. "N?" you exclaimed, your voice tinged with disbelief.

The two of you closed the distance, and before you knew it, you were wrapped in a warm embrace, the years apart melting away in an instant. N's arms encircled you, his touch sending a rush of familiar comfort through your veins.

"It's really you," N murmured, his voice soft as he held you close. You pulled back slightly, gazing up at him with a fond smile. "I can't believe you're here. It's been so long." The two of you spent hours catching up, sharing stories of the time apart. Laughter filled the air as you recounted childhood memories, and N's eyes sparkled with genuine happiness, his heart swelling with each moment you shared.

As the night deepened, you mentioned your partner Pokémon, an enigmatic cat Pokémon known as Meowscarada, who had been by your side all this time. N's curiosity was piqued, and you reached into your bag, releasing the Pokéball that held your beloved companion. With a flash of light, Meowscarada materialized before you, its form an imposing yet intriguing sight. N's eyes widened in awe as he observed the unique Pokémon.

"Meowscarada," you said affectionately, "meet N. N, this is Meowscarada." N regarded the Pokémon with a mixture of wonder and respect. He extended his hand, allowing Meowscarada to nuzzle against his palm, its presence both captivating and mysterious.

"An extraordinary Pokémon," N mused, his voice filled with admiration. Meowscarada's keen gaze shifted between you and N, as it seemed to sense the connection that lingered between the two of you. There was an unspoken understanding in its eyes, a knowledge of the feelings that had endured over the years. Unbeknownst to the two of you, Meowscarada had sensed the mutual affection that still bound you and N together. It was as if the Pokémon could perceive the emotions that danced beneath the surface, the unspoken longing that had persisted.

In a whimsical and calculated display, Meowscarada gracefully moved towards N, its bípedo form swaying like a dancer as it brushed affectionately against his side. With a flourish, it then turned its attention to you. Meowscarada's movements were deliberate, its actions a clever illusion, encouraging both you and N to embrace the emotions that pulsed beneath the surface. As it lowered itself gracefully, you felt a gentle touch – a reassuring caress of its leafy mask against your cheek, a gesture that seemed to transcend the boundaries of the physical and the magical. In that moment, Meowscarada's enchanting aura enveloped you both, guiding you towards a deeper connection and a shared acknowledgement of the unspoken feelings that bloomed between you.

N's gaze met yours, a mixture of emotions swirling in his eyes. Meowscarada's actions had ignited a spark of courage within him, an urge to finally express what he had kept hidden. "(Y/N)," he began, his voice soft yet determined, "there's something I've wanted to say."

Your heart raced as you met his gaze, your curiosity piqued. "What is it, N?"

With a deep breath, N took a step closer, his hand reaching out to gently cup your cheek. "From the moment we met all those years ago, my heart was captivated by you. And even though time and distance have separated us, my feelings have only grown stronger." A rush of emotion surged through you, your heart pounding in your chest. "N…"

"I don't want to waste any more time," N continued, his voice filled with sincerity. "I want to be by your side, y/n, not as just friends, but as something more." Tears welled up in your eyes as you realized that the feelings you had held onto for so long were reciprocated. With a smile that radiated happiness, you nodded, your voice filled with warmth. "N, I feel the same way."

In that moment, the world seemed to fade away, leaving only the two of you and the towering cat that had orchestrated this heartfelt confession. Meowscarada watched with satisfaction, its mission to bring two hearts together accomplished.

As N pulled you into a tender embrace, you felt a sense of completeness that you had yearned for over the years. The city around you seemed to come alive with a newfound magic, and in the presence of the enigmatic Pokémon that had silently championed your love, you and N embarked on a new chapter of your journey – hand in hand, hearts entwined, and a future filled with boundless possibilities.

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otomelife · 1 month

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Valentine’s Day Hcs!

Headcannons of how you celebrate and spend Valentine’s Day with your partner!

Characters: N, Shauna, Hop, Kieran, Carmine!

Note: Happy Valentines to those who celebrate it! I made some head cannons with my favourite characters, but I won’t be taking requests for Shauna or N yet!

N - Ferris wheel ride

For Valentines, be prepared to be out and about for most of the day!

He’s been practically everywhere in Unova. He’s not going to go to places with plenty of people there, oh no.

He’s going to take you places you’ve never seen before, places so remote that you can be sure that they’re only known to the two of you.

This man is so thoughtful too, he’s only going to take you to places that he knows for sure that you’ll like.

I can imagine him taking you to a really pretty flower field to take a look at all the Lilligant and Whimsicott frolicking through!

He would also try and make you a flower crown but he hasn’t made one in years.

(He fails horribly, silly goof.)

By sunset, the two of you get to Nimbasa city, and although it’s crowded, he leads you to the Rondez-View ferris wheel together.

On the ferris wheel, he’d sit really close to you as well, he’s a sucker for physical contact and touch.

After that he’d hold your hand and talk about how he loves spending time with you, and how he loved today.

He’s good with words too, he’ll say it in the most poetic way possible, but it doesn’t sound cheesy, though you wouldn’t care if it was.

And at the very top of the ferris wheel, with the sunset on full view, he gives you a quick, sweet kiss on the lips! How romantic!

It’s a perfect end to a perfect Valentine’s Day!

Shauna - Fireworks

Shauna’s so excited for Valentines, she’s about to bust your door down the moment she gets to your house,, don’t worry, she’s just really excited to go on a date with you today!

The two of you go all over Lumiose city together! You both decide the places that you want to go together, you don’t really have anything planned.

Valentines with her seems like a bit more of an outing than a date, but that doesn’t make it less enjoyable or romantic in any way.

Shauna is a very outgoing and bubbly girl, and the sort of energy she carries around her is able to make any experience with her 10 times better!

You start by going to a cafe together and eating Poképuffs together. Even better, they’ve been doing Valentine’s themed foods there and she gushes over how adorable they are!

After that, you pretty much walk through the entire city together. There’s so much to do!

A lot of shopping is done. It’s a case of her finding something cute on a shop window and her dragging you in. It’s super fun to see the different things in store, Lumiose has so much to offer!

You take walks down the avenues and boulevards, as well as the plazas!

Although it doesn’t sound like a lot, these activities took up most of the day. Lumiose is a ginormous place…

But there’s one more place that she’s adamant to take you to!

It took a little while, but she takes you to a place called the Parfum Palace! It’s a public museum, and she’s got a surprise for you there!

She takes you to a balcony, where you and her stand together.

She can barely hold in her excitement, and she’s elated when fireworks start shooting off! She’s bouncing off the walls, and you can tell how happy she is when you feel how tight her hand is gripping yours!

The fireworks are gorgeous, no wonder she was so determined to bring you here. It was worth it, seeing all the beautiful Valentines themed patterns, and the colours to go with them!

Shauna does her best for valentines, and although it may be quite an exhilarating event, it’s a romantic event that the both of you won’t ever forget!

Hop- Gorgeous sightseeing

Happy Valentines! I hope you like travelling and sightseeing, because Hop is taking you to the best Galar has to offer!

Sure, the weather in Galar is wonky with it being rainy one day, stormy the other- and a lot of it is filled with ruins- so what could you find romantic about that?

Hop has been all through this wretched region, he knows the best places to take you for a day as special as today. As long as you’re up to it (you are) he’ll be taking you to the prettiest places there!

Although he’s put an incredible amount of thought in for the places to go, he can’t help but feel normal as the two of you converse on the train

He starts with Glimwood tangle. Although it’s mysterious, it’s quite a serene place, with not much to be heard apart from the occasional rustling that comes from Impidimp scouring through.

He takes this chance to hold your hand as you stroll through and head to Ballonlea (smart move, hop)!The town itself may not be too romantic, but it’s a pretty sight, right?

He also takes you to Wyndon. It’s a wonderful sight, even though it’s crowded.

You go for a stroll up the gardens, and the two of you look back on your moments together, even way back from when you were just friends.

(If you paid close attention to his voice, you could hear it trembling slightly…)

He’s got one more place to show you after you finish a lap around Wyndon, and he hopes he can make it work!

It takes a while to get there, having to go from Wyndon all the way to Postwick was time consuming, but you have each other!

On the train ride there, you end up leaning onto Hop’s shoulder, and he gets so flustered!

The two of you have been dating for a while, but he still never fails to grow warm under your touch. He ends up leaning onto you too.

The two of you head inside the slumbering Weald, making sure to avoid the Weezing and Musharna floating about so that you could get to your destination quickly.

You’ve arrived, and at this point Hop puts his hands over your eyes. When he opens them, you’re met with the gorgeous sight of an altar, well hidden by the trees, and the sun gleaming down at the waters.

Hop also had matching bracelets to give to you- the two being your favourite colours with some other white beads, and a message spelling ‘I love you’ !

The rest of you spend your time peacefully talking together at the Slumbering Weald. Celebrating Valentines with Hop is him making his appreciation to you known in (what he thinks are) the best ways possible!

Kieran- Appletun pie

This is Kieran’s first Valentine’s Day with you, so he wants to make it special and last.

He’s never really been the type to plan and do extravagant things, so he settles for something that he thinks would be fun for the both of you.

And that’s through baking!

Unfortunately, the Apple trees over at Apple hills are far from blossoming at this time of year, but it’s okay! He’s got a bunch of fresh ones the two of you can use!

(His Hydrapple picks out the sweetest apples for him. Even before the two of you started dating that thing has been nothing but a wingman!)

On the day, he’s so happy when he arrives at your house!

He’s got the biggest smild smile on his face too!

“Happy Valentines S/O ! I bought you somethin’ as well :DD!”

He wants this to go as well as possible, he brings some choclate too!

Anyways, the two of you use an Appletun apple pie recipe, it’s a pie that looks plenty similar to the aforementioned Pokémon!

He’s a noob at baking too, but that does make it fun, right? If you can bake? He’s happy that there’s some experience to tag along! If not? The two of you fooling around makes it plenty enjoyable!

Speaking of fooling around… FLOUR FIGHTS >:)))

You’d probably instigate it while you’re waiting for the pie to bake in the oven, but that does not mean that Kieran is backing down in any way!

Kieran’s a competitive guy, even though you may not know it. And in some cases, his friendly competitiveness goes beyond battling on the BB Academy courts!

He’s going to reach over to smear it on your face and leave handprints on your clothes. The two of you were throwing it all over the kitchen, and boy, was it fun.

Kieran’s Hydrapple was downright terrified though. While the two of you were having fun, this poor dude was imagining the possibilities of Carmine coming in…

(She did peek in the kitchen and see the two of you fighting and she was absolutely fuming. She was about to give the both of you a piece of her mind, but even she saw how much fun the two of you were having. She must’ve felt merciful, because she left you two alone despite being livid at the mess. She was just glad to see Kieran happy in love :))

The timer for the pie goes off, and you eventually clean the kitchen to the best of your abilities. He has a spare washcloth that he lets you use to wipe the flour off where you can. Just have to hope nobody else notices the flour!

After, the two of you split the Appletun pie so there’s some for his family and some for yours!

Kieran thinks he left a memorable impression for a first Valentine’s date, and he hopes for many more!

Carmine- Late nights

Carmine would probably have a sleepover with you. But it’d be an event where the two of you go all out!

Carmine is the sort of person to do so. Going on an outing around Kitakami just isn’t her thing.

When you show up at the door, she’s got everything for the night.

Movies? Face masks? Board games? Checked right off!

She’s even decorated the living room for the occasion, taking her red blankets and pillows all down so the two of you’re cozy.

She’s so excited to spend time with you! What do you want to do first? She suggests wearing face masks while watching the all the movies she’s got to watch!

Carmine also loves physical contact, she gets super cuddly at night. For tonight, you’ll be her stuffed animal while you watch beauty and the ultra beast.

The two of you had tossed on face masks while watching the Princess and the Froakie, and all of a sudden you hear a loud yell and it’s none other than Carmine’s brother, Kieran!

He knows what a face mask is but he always gets so startled when he sees his sister wearing one…

Carmine shoos him away as soon as possible so the two of you can continue watching the movie!

Carmine is a little pouty after that mishap, but she’ll be fine.

The entire night is just a sleepover for you to focus on each other, and Carmine loves that. She loves spending time with you, and you staying over at hers is what she loves the most. She loves Kitakami, and there are good places for romantic outings, but to her what could possibly be more romantic than staying at home with your partner?

And whatever you’re doing, you should play with her hair, brush it or style it in any way you want. Carmine adores it when you do that to her, she feels so close with you!

(You enjoy it too, you’re able to get a full view of your girlfriend’s face, gazing warmly at yours.)

When you’re all settled down for the night, you and her have late night talks. She’s so in love, she could talk ti you about the most mundane things ever and she’d still look at you with the most lovesick look on her face.

Also, more cuddles, yay! She’s a big spoon, so prepare to be wrapped around her!

It’s a pretty ideal Valentine’s Day (or night in this case). Compared to the others, you simply get to laze around with your girlfriend while still having fun! And you don’t need to run everywhere!

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otomelife · 1 month

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Char. N Harmonia

Syn. You, the adopted child of N, go to his office in the dead of night...

wordc. 3.9k

content. 18+, psuedo-incest, forced feminization, pet names, omegaverse, underage, grooming, manipulation, mind break, breeding/knotting, bond marking, dumbification, reader has a penis (otherwise gender neutral aside from the feminization kink), omega reader, puppy person reader, alpha N

There was a knock on his office door again tonight. He already knew who it was; nobody would call on him at such a late hour.

“Come in,” He hummed. He didn’t set aside the papers in his hand, organizational work for Plasma, government legislature, etcetera… He glanced up from them to see you.

You’re small for a thirteen-year-old, even for an Omega, and on the weaker side to boot. Malnutrition and abuse from your previous life outside had done a lifelong number on you. You’re a little slow, quiet and shy. The past years of rehabilitation and growth have done miracles for you, but your jitters gave away how much there was left to go.

On your path to health, like the abandoned baby Litten that never learned how to hunt, there was the milestone of gaining the strength and confidence to pursue what you want.

“U-um… Daddy?”

He smiled. You took to that name well. Anything but what he called his own father was perfect.

“Yes?”

You crossed the room slowly. At an unsteady pace, you walked around his desk, and stood next to him. He finally put down his work to turn his chair, and face you.

Did words strictly need to be exchanged? Not really, but voicing your desires was yet another battle to be won for you. N pushed his bangs back through his fingers, and smiled at you.

“Can I do something for you?”

Shakily, jerking your chin up and down, you nodded. You already knew what he would say next, so you cut ahead; “I w-want to h-have sex.”

“Well,” He spread his legs a little further. “Here it is. Let me know if you need help.”

It was all in your hands. To be frank, he wouldn’t exactly let you run away, but…he didn’t ask you to come here tonight. Every step forward was your own volition, your own conviction, your own need. He hadn’t forced you since you were far smaller, and in need of guidance. Now, you opened his fly and pulled out his flaccid cock with intimate, well-instructed experience. Thinly veiled desire drooled out of you with the heft and thickness in your fingers. The smell of your slick clung to you.

Admittedly, he was getting hard fast. Already half mast, and you’d just begun to grasp him. It was just so cute to see you struggle with his size, every time. A bit of an ego boost.

“You don’t have to deepthroat it,” He soothed you. “Just do your best.”

“I wanna,” You mumbled, wetting your lips. It was a good thing, then, that he trained your gag reflex out of you. You must be grateful.

To start, you kissed his tip. Your small mouth couldn’t fit his whole length, but slowly, inch by inch, your cheeks and jaw flexed with as much as you could take. Your tongue played with his flushing head while your fingers fluttered around the base. It wasn’t long before he was fully hard and forcing you to sit up on your haunches properly to reach, teasing the beginnings of his knot with your fingers.

“Mmmh,” He hummed his approval. His long fingers settled on your head, snaking into your hair. “Your roots are showing,” He commented on the fuzz of your natural color at your scalp, inching into the permanently died curls of green that you were so proud of, thumbing at your puppy ears. You did it on your own; he wasn’t expressing an expectation, he was helping you maintain your own wish.

His swell of pride in you choosing to look like him was purely of support, not of ownership.

You hummed around his cock, bobbing deeply on it. Blatantly, you were only prepping him for something. Before long, you pulled off and started wiggling out of your pants and underwear, curled tail wagging. So eager.

He chuckled under his breath at the amount of slick all over your lower half, making even your shaved mound and limp cocklet shine. You definitely tried playing with yourself, only to end up unsatisfied. Defeated by your own lust, you came to him.

“Come here, sweetie,” He patted his knee. You hopped up right away - your chin only reaching up to his shoulder. Settling happily, you clung to him with open excitement, shivering.

Your scent gland, still so pure, unmarked, hidden away by the collar he bought you. Idly, he stroked his thumb over it. Just that was enough to draw a pleased sound from you, though whether you knew what it really meant or not was unclear.

He tilted your chin up, and kissed you. Slowly, deeply, he ravaged your mouth as you opened yourself to him. His hand slid down your back. You jumped deliciously when his fingers scratched your tail, but he wasn’t aiming for that.

Your entrance, gushing slick on his pants and twitching with need, gave easily to his fingers. With so much time devoted to molding you to him, it was only natural that there was little tension against only two fingers. He was only testing if you’d prepped yourself adequately.

And you had not. His third finger was an actual push that made you whine, and a fourth needed time.

“You’re not ready,” He mused idly. “I wonder, did you want my cock? Or did something else bring you here? You know to prepare yourself properly when you plan on seeing something through. I taught you that.”

“I-I…”

He gazed down at you deeply. “Do you want to tell me? Or do you need time?”

You shuddered, and the hint of fear tinged your scent. He was well used to it; so well used to it that it made his cock jump from associations. The thin, sharp notes of it were…an acquired taste.

“Well?” He prompted you, failing to keep the husk out of his voice. You were tempting him. But you had to speak, you had to grow, he was nurturing you.

“T-time,” You cried, arching your back from the way his fingers stretched you. “Time, mmmph - t-tiiiimmmeeee… N-need time…”

“Thank you for telling me.” He cheerfully twisted his fingers to hit your prostate just right, forcing a loud sob from your throat.

Soon, he could fit the fourth finger and begin stretching you in earnest. He hadn’t worried about you fitting him for a long time, given how much of a perfect match you were for him, but this was a necessary step to maintain your health. While you'd be happy with any treatment he gave you sooner or later, he couldn’t afford to give you anal tears. The first time was bad enough.

Diligently, he spread you, urging you to relax with gentle murmurings in your ear, his other hand petting you all over. Slick ran down to his wrist in rivulets. “Did you drink enough water?” He asked you.

You nodded. “Good,” He praised. “Remember to hydrate yourself later, as well.”

It was important that you take care of yourself, that he taught you to. Very important to nurture you.

How to fuck you…? He hummed, considering his options, but decided to simply have you in his lap. He leaned back, lifting you easily, lining up his cock. The anticipation always made his heart thump and sing. You, dripping your hot juices into his member, gazing at him with all the love and desire in the world contained in your dazed, lidded eyes.

He loved you.

Slowly, your hips lowered. His member met the ring of muscle; easily, you relaxed with a sigh, and sank inch by delicious inch into him, accepting his knot with only a brief squeak of discomfort. Fully settled, your feet dangled as you sighed. He was sad that you were growing too big for the bulge of his cock to show through your tummy as obviously as before, but he was comforted by the knowledge that you wouldn’t grow much bigger.

As he mused, basking in the pleasure your clinging, sloppy, warm hole gave him, he almost missed the way your face fell. How you hiccupped, not of pleasure or pain, but of oncoming tears. But he caught it quickly.

“What’s wrong, y/n?” He asked. Wiping your tears, he gazed at you with open concern. “Does something hurt? Or are you sad about something?”

“...” You shook your head. “I-It's stupid,” You mumbled, with that same tinge of fear as before. “I'm o-okay…Please fuck me…”

He considered reprimanding you for your rude and self-defaming use of “stupid”, you knew better than that, but decided against it. There were better times for it. “Let me be the judge,” he said instead. “I'll see if it’s truly stupid.”

You squeezed your eyes shut and shook your head resolutely. “'M sorry,” You mumbled, “I d-don’t wanna talk about it…”

He couldn’t argue with that. It was important to respect boundaries, after all. If he just had to fuck you while you cried, then so be it.

He lifted you up and down, but your crying didn’t stop. Before he could build a proper pace, you started whining in clear discomfort and twisted this way and that to worm out of his grasp. You weren’t getting anywhere, but it was annoying enough to make him stop, which annoyed him even more.

“Y/N,” he said firmly. You froze up entirely, eyes wide with fear. “Do you want my cock, or not?”

“...” You sniffled. “... No,” You mumbled. You twisted your fists into his pants. “I d-dunno…I'm scared…”

You must lack the words to vocalize whatever was wrong. “Did something happen?” He asked.

“Are you gonna leave?” You asked.

N blinked at you.

He did, in fact, have plans to leave the castle. Business must be taken care of. After he beat the other hero and defeated his father, Plasma had successfully begun extricating Pokémon from people. He must see this process through, which required some travel.

… You will be alone. He hadn’t quite thought about that. You must see him amidst all this preparation, and feel very afraid. You'd never been away from him; you do everything together, morning to night.

How very cute. How adorable. A grin tugged at his cheeks.

When he was a child, he was devastated by his father's absence, though that was better for him in the long run. Putting you though that same devastation… he refused.

He and you would not be separated. But a curious side to him rose up; he wanted to know the depths of your desperation, how much it would devastate you. He wanted to hear you beg for him to stay.

“There are plans,” he said evenly.

You squirmed unhappily. “L-let me go,” You mumbled tearfully. “I don' wanna anymore - I wanna go-”

He held you fast. “Why run?” He asked.

“B-because,” You insisted. You were starting to grow afraid for a different reason; you knew, too, that he wouldn’t just let you go. “I - I-”

He lifted you up, and slammed you down. You screamed.

“Use your words,” he said, mildly pissed.

You babbled incoherently around hiccupping sobs for a minute, clenching wildly around him. With a bit-off groan, he rolled his hips into you. “C'mon, I made sure you became literate,” he said. “Try harder. Don’t disappoint me by babbling like you did when I first picked you up.”

You cried, tears streaming down your cheeks. Eventually, you gathered yourself up enough to sob, “I'm s-scared!”

“Of what,” He pressed, impatient. He licked his lips. “I know that, it's in your scent.”

You try pulling off of him again. He growled.

All at once, he cleared off his desk with one sweep of his arm to press you down on it, watching your chest heave wildly, arms flailing for purchase. Legs dangling, ears pulled back and pressed down flat by a strong hand on your back, you were unable to escape now.

“Now, I know you’re a little dumb,” he said. He tried not to rock in and out of you too much despite how much your pussy was begging for him, because you wouldn’t hear a damn thing he was saying if he did. “so vocalizing your thoughts and feelings is difficult for you. But you have to try. You aren’t so incompetent that you can’t figure yourself out, surely?”

You panted, struggling for air. For a moment, the was only silence as you desperately tried to untangle yourself. But you gave up.

“I don’t know,” You sobbed. “I t-tried to - I tried to touch myself b-but I need you but you’re gonna leave and I need you and I'm scared…!! I-I never - I never n-needed anyone…!”

He didn’t bother to hide his grin. He had his final variable, and the full equation lay before his eyes.

You, abandoned and abused at so young, taken in and nursed to health by him, had never loved or needed anyone before. Now that you knew the taste of such bliss, the thought of losing him even for a little was so deeply terrifying - maybe how much you loved and needed him itself was so horrifying to you - that you'd try to push him away to protect your heart. But you still couldn’t get off by yourself, and your body wouldn’t stop clinging to his cock even as you tried to pull away.

He laughed. You sobbed fitfully, and he laughed.

“Okay,” He managed to calm himself enough to speak properly. “Okay, love.” Slowly, he pulled himself out inch by inch, until only his head remained inside. “Here. I'll teach you something.”

Your sobs quieted, and you listened.

“I'll count to ten.

“If you don’t run away, and instead use your big girl words and tell me how you really feel, intelligently, then we'll just have a calm, quiet night together, reading books, conversing, having fun together in a civilized way. We'll have tea and cookies and play chess. We could even talk together about what to do about my leaving, workshopping solutions we both like.” He smiled, caressing your back. “You'd like that, wouldn’t you?

“If you don’t use your words and instead just try to run again…” He bit his bottom lip. “Well, you won't be getting away from me again. You won't be walking.

“If you don’t make a choice, then…” He shrugged. “Maybe having choices is just too much for you. Maybe I should have you as a pet instead of a child from now on.” He chuckled darkly, full of thrill. “That way, you can have all the happiness of being loved and taken care of, without any of the hardship, struggle, or burden of humanity.”

He did not miss how your whole body shuddered. Tongue flicking out to wet his lips, he drew in a breath.

“Ready?”

You froze up again. He began, knowing exactly how it would end. You just had to learn.

“One…”

Your jaw was flexing with the attempt to say something, anything, but all that came out was incoherent noise - if anything at all.

“Two…”

Still, you tried to speak, but hiccupping from your sobs and your shot voice didn’t help you.

“Three…”

You wriggled away. You tried to, you did, but every time his flared head dragged on your hole you pushed back reflexively, collapsing on the hard wood of the desk and clenching strongly.

“Four…”

He bit his bottom lip, resisting the impulse to fuck you already. Quickly, you were ending up with more inside of you than you started with.

“Five…”

You still hadn’t succeeded, but you gave up on talking. Committing to escape, you at least chose to attempt agency.

“Six…”

He was a little disappointed. He wanted to rip this will from you so badly.

“Seven…”

Your knees made it into the desk, but you just couldn’t pull away without crying out. You tugged and tugged and tugged.

“Eight…”

He even gave you such a generous head start. If he left his knot inside of you, you'd have given up immediately. How well you were trained, to find even his tip irresistible, to be unable to pull away from that little? You were so beautiful in your greed, your helplessness.

“Nine…”

You almost had it. You did. Just barely, your hole strained, with your trembling knees and arms doing their best to commit to pulling away. Just when it looked like you would finally free yourself…

…N grabbed your hips and slammed them flush to his with a loud squelch and pop as his full size hit your deepest point, knot to tip. “Ten.”

You came. With a shriek, you quaked uncontrollably, legs falling off the table as you squirted around him, voice rising in delirium. His laugh at you was strained by his own pleasure, the feeling of your insides clenching down on him so strongly.

There was no reason to hold back anymore. You made your choice. You made your choice when you walked in, when you accepted his affections, when you agreed to stay with him all those years ago. He was only fulfilling your dreams. You wanted this. He was only nurturing you.

Wisely, he had the desk nailed down some months ago. Now he could fuck you with abandon and it wouldn’t be shoved away by the force. He knew he was hurting your thighs on the edge of it; you were not going to walk after this.

Your voice was punched out of you with every thrust. You'd collapsed to simply take what he gave you, moaning as his knot abused your hole.

He wasn’t going to last long, not after the past while of preparation and teasing. “Y/N,” He groaned, leaning down to teethe at your collar. The pressure in his cock was making his knot catch, and only a few thrusts later he couldn’t pull out again. You'd need morning after pills… but the thought of not giving them to you, of watching your little body change with pregnancy, holding his pups…

He dug his teeth into your shoulder. Groaning loudly, his knot burst. You were full right away and only overflowed from there, sick squelching sounds as he grinded his thick, creamy cum deeper into you. In the throes of pleasure, he wanted his seed to take more than anything.

Your voice was broken by your cries. He was still hard, only just started, and you were fucked out. With a sigh, he carefully turned you into your back, still knotted, and hunched over you. Your glassy eyes stared up into his.

With a little breathless Omegan coo, your legs wrapped locked at his hips. He smiled, and kissed you.

“You’re mine,” He mumbled on your lips. One of his hands played with your hair, as green as his. “Don’t think for a second that there’s any other path for you. That I'll leave you, that you’ll ever be alone again…” He smiled. “You’re not very smart.”

Your gaze went wide, helplessly locked on him. “I was thinking,” He mused. “Since I have to think for you anyway, what good is you making figure anything out? In attempting to raise your intelligence, in trying to make something of you that you clearly aren’t? It's not like we'll ever be intellectual equals.” He shrugged. “I believe we should switch tracks.”

He sat up, and smiled. “You’re right, Y/N. You are stupid.”

Your big doe eyes blinked up at him, scent bursting forth with fear and strong arousal. His nose flared, eyes bright.

“You're helpless,” He stated. “You’re traumatized. You’re slow. You’re an Omega, a puppy at that. And frankly, your dick is so useless it's hard to imagine that you qualify as a boy, let alone ever qualifying as a man. You love your pussy so much you can't even feel good with this thing.” He flicked it, limp as it was, swamped by just the bulge his cock made in you. It took a while, but this part of your training is what was most proud of. Because you never wanted to become a man, that was never for you…

N tilted his head at you. “No, I don’t think you ever becoming a real, independent, intelligent person was ever in the cards for you.”

Something like misery swirled in your eyes, turning them glassy with tears, but he wasn’t done yet.

“Don’t be sad,” He cooed, using his Alpha voice for the extra mile of soothing. You all but melted immediately. “It's nothing to be sad about. It's the truth. The truth is that I can't leave you alone.”

He wrapped his arms around you, lifting you. He kissed the single tear that rolled down your cheek. “I love you, exactly as you are,” He murmured to you. Fully to you, only to you. “I love taking care of you, more than anything in the world. I love being with you, I love thinking for you, I love making you feel good, I love his good you make me feel…” He sighed against your lips.

“Your imperfect self is perfect for me.”

You squirmed, not to get away, but to get closer, impossibly closer. Arms locking behind his neck, you peered at him through your eyelashes. He saw right through you; you always liked talking more with your body than your mouth.

“You don’t have to say anything anymore,” He smiled, shifting his hands to your hips. “I won't be disappointed. We've discovered who you are now.”

His lips grazed your ear, and he purred, “My sweet little baby girl. Forever and ever.”

His knot had gone down just enough to pull out again. Just like that, he fucked into you with enough force to make you bounce. And you came again, blubbering mindlessly as your orgasm rocked through you.

He reached up, and pressed his thumb to your collar. A fingerprint lock; the only person who was ever going to unlock it was him.

Your scent was even sweeter freed. He moaned, lips attacking your gland as your head rolled on your neck. “F-fuck,” It was so good, he couldn’t help but curse. “Baby, you're mine. Mine, forever…”

N found you, N took you in, N bathed you, N fed you, N clothed you, N taught you to read, to write, to speak, to think… N taught you your body, his body, how to be, late nights spent teaching and teaching and teaching… He nurtured you. He did everything for you, he who was given nothing.

He made you. Wholly and completely, you are his.

N's teeth dug into your gland. You must be reassured beyond belief, the very image of peace. You will truly never, ever be separated from him now.

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otomelife · 1 month

Text

WON'T YOU LEND ME YOUR FAITH? | R. ITOSHI

❁ tags ; fem!reader (reader dresses femininely + is referred to as a girl / with she/her pronouns), reader is shorter than rin , strangers to friends to lovers, fluff, getting together, rin is soo teenage boy (and makes some annoying teen-boy comments), slow-burn, making out is as suggestive as this gets, stereotypical shoujo romance, usage of honorifics, coming of age

❁ wc ; 21.4k (insane. most insane thing ive ever seen)

❁ a/n ; i'm genuinely appalled by the length of this fic. how did that happen. what in the world. this fic is truly just. every single shoujou manga trope crammed into one okay. my silly little self indulgent romance !!!!

also this fic is sfw + takes place in their third of hs so im not gonna say mdni that's silly. however if you're a minor please do not follow me i post heinous dark content and this fic is a fluke in the timeline dskffjkfd

❁ synopsis ; the love story of a sensitive, stoic soccer player and an eccentric wannabe journalist

or that time you confess to itoshi rin, knowing he'll reject you, and asking to befriend him in spite of it.

“I like you,”

A breeze of wind passes.

“What?”

You confess to Itoshi Rin at the start of the Spring semester. On the school rooftop with your head down. Bent at a near ninety degrees as you hold out what looks like a love letter.

For a minute, he can’t do anything more than stare. He’s received countless confessions in highschool. Half of which he rejected immediately, not even stopping to hear the full extent of their feelings. Why would he? The lukewarm ideas of first love had never been of interest. Even before his fight with Sae, Rin was always focused on his goals.

After his second year of high school was spent in Bluelock, Rin has only returned for his third. He promised his parents he’d graduate properly, and Bluelock was off-season until Ego could fully prepare for the next stages.

And a lot has changed since then. But some parts of him, namely his feelings towards the idea of conventional relationships, haven't changed at all.

It’s only been a little less than three weeks since school had started, and by now he’s received more confessions than he can really remember. All of which he’s rejected coldly, and blankly, because Itoshi Rin has never been in the business of coddling anyone. Most of those girls he’s never even met. Knows nothing about them because they’re first or second years he’d never even spoken to.

Rin, however, does know you. You’ve been in his class in all 3 years of his highschool, and he’s seen you around more than once. You’re in the newspaper club, which he remembers because you covered their winning match back when Rin was a first year. He wouldn’t call you friends, but you’ve spoken to each other enough that he can remember your name with a little effort.

He also remembers you being sort of annoying. You’re one of those loud and earnest types that he can’t stand.

A year ago, Rin would’ve denied knowing you at all. But now that things with Sae have cleared up just a little - he’s not inclined to take his anger out on you. He knows you. Not well, but enough.

And if his reputation precedes him at all, then you know Rin too. You know that he’s never once gone out with a single girl in his 3 years of highschool and that most of the guys in all three grades consider him an arrogant jerk. You know that he mostly plays soccer alone during breaks and that he only really hangs out with one person.

Which means you must know that he doesn’t harbor any feelings for you. And that he’s going to reject your confession without thinking twice about it.

In the first place, he was just curious if you were stupid enough to do it. If you really called him up here for a roof-top confession. The fact that you were is what’s stifling him. Your words are familiar. He’s heard them so many times. But it’s baffling. It’s ridiculous.

You lift your head to face him. You’re still smiling, though there’s something more there that he can’t understand. He doesn’t do well with people like you begin with. He finds himself backing away when you jog up closer towards him.

He’s taller than you, he notices. You pick your head up to look at him and smile, toothy and at ease. You hold the letter up again and shove it towards him, though you don’t seem like you’re expecting him to take it. He stares at you.

“I like you,” You repeat, smooth and bubbly. He frowns.

“I don’t like you.”

He has expectations for this part. Normally he receives a saddened look like a dog whose tail he stepped on or a fit of crying (sometimes genuine, sometimes with the intent of guilt.) Sometimes he gets an awkward smile trying to seem unbothered by the whole situation.

You don’t falter though. You don’t even flinch at the words, cold as ice and steely. It throws him off.

“I know,” You say back, prying the letter away from him. You turn the other way, walking towards the metal grates and for a minute Rin wonders if you’re going to do something drastic. You don’t though, instead sticking your the paper in the air “That’s why I have a proposal,”

He stares, absolutely dumbfounded. You turn again towards him.

“I want to get to know you. And keep confessing to you,” You say first, and Rin immediately goes to reject you until you put your hands up “And I want you to keep rejecting me.”

He’s baffled. Really.

“What?”

“So I can gradually lose my feelings for you. Nothing that different on your end, honestly..”

It sounds annoying. It really does. If it were anyone else, under any other circumstance he would scoff and tell them to deal with their own shitty feelings alone just like everyone else. But there’s no hidden intention there. Rin’s always been good at sniffing that out. Your words are pure as can be.

Frustratingly simple and twice as sincere, no matter how confusing the whole thing is.

“Why should I?”

“We can be friends,” You reply like it’s the best deal he could ask for. “Isn’t that enough? Not like you really have any right now.”

He scoffs bitterly albeit he can’t counter you.

“Friendship is lukewarm. I don’t care about any of that stuff,”

“Lukewarm? Really? Then..think of it like I’ll be your shield. You hate when people socialize with you right? I’ll help you deal with it.”

That doesn’t sound too bad actually. On top of that, he’s kind of curious what your deal is. He rolls his eyes at you, turning to face the other way.

“Do whatever you want. It’s not like it matters.”

His response makes you beam. He hears you shout from the otherside of the yard, followed by the sound of your footsteps noisily thudding against the concrete as you try to catch up with him. He walks faster than you just to spite you for earlier, but he hears your last words through a huff of breath.

“Jeez, you’re fast. I’ll see you at lunch, be prepared!”

Somehow, he feels like he’s crossed paths with something he shouldn’t’ve.

You keep up with your end of the deal with Rin to the best of your ability.

The upsides of your arrangement is that the usual annoyances Rin has to deal with have decreased significantly in the time you’ve been hanging around him. You’re very good at using your speech to sway conversations one way or the other without upsetting the other party.

Normally, Rin’s rejections for different things leave a bitter taste in the air. He’s never been good at mincing his words for anyone and while it doesn’t affect him - the strange stares and whispers he gets are a little annoying to deal with. People always take his disinterest personally. Rin has always hated that. He was probably a little gentler about the denial before but still.

While other people are too stupid to pay it any mind, you’re clever at turning the tides your way. You always manage to completely divert their questions without making them feel uncomfortable. Rin has tried, many times, to actually break down how you’re doing it. He doesn’t think he’d ever be able to replicate it, no matter how much he studies you.

He’s reluctant to admit it, but really, your presence has significantly lowered the number of obstacles in his daily life and made him overall, less irritable.

Instead of many annoying things, there’s only you. Which is tolerable in comparison.

You also expect him to uphold his end of the deal. For the most part, this has just meant you inserting yourself into his usual activities. It started out small enough, mostly just you sitting with him during lunch. It draws too much attention to eat in the classroom so you both fuck off to the roof.

(You often joke about how romantic it is, reminiscing on your rejected first love with as much melodrama as you can muster.

Rin never laughs about it to your face, but he admits it’s funny. Your stupidity is mildly amusing, at least )

There, you eat lunch together. Rin learns you make yourself colorful bentos from time to time- though some days are much less elaborate than others. You like to unwind that way, your designated and nightly me-time. You work part-time, and you take care of your neighbors kids by helping them every morning and night.

Rin doesn’t ask you for more, not willing to deliberately show interest.

But you notice his curiosity for better or for worse and explain that she, the woman next door, used to make you dinner back when your parents were too busy. You have an older brother who's nearly twelve years your senior so you were alone for most of your childhood. She had children late, but they feel like your little siblings. So you help them in the mornings and in the evenings when you have time.

Rin learns you, funnily enough, have a sense of obligation towards other people that he can’t fully comprehend. He forgot there were people like that. In an environment like Bluelock that is so dead set on fostering ego, it’s easy to forget something so simple.

You haven’t confessed to him again since that time. Not like he’s expecting it, but given your personality he wonders why. He thought it’d be more of a daily occurence, something like a bit you did. But you never do. Even when at times, it’s so heavy in the atmosphere even he can tell you want too.

Admittedly, Rin wonders a lot more about you than he cares to. He wonders why you spend so much time with him when you have plenty of other friends who seem to cherish you. He wonders why you care so much about the dying club you're in. He wonders if this, in some strange way, stems from some kind of obligation.

He wonders, sometimes, what about him you could even like. It’s probably something stupid. You’d probably think long and hard before going on to say that you like him because he’s handsome or cool. Something shallow and meaningless.

He tells himself that when he starts thinking about it again.

Rin gets roped into cleaning the classroom with you.

He’s used to being paired with other people. But he’s never had to do with you before, even in the years prior. Or maybe he did. He doesn’t recall much of his first year.

Still, now that it’s already mid-May, Rin has never been on cleaning duty with you. He’s conscious of the sound of your name these days. It’s not something he’s happy about.

It’s a simple affair. Just 15 or 20 minutes. Nothing to talk about. Not really.

But, today you’re alone with him. Alone in an empty classroom with light pouring through the windows and reflecting off of the wooden desks. You’re busying yourself with wiping down the chalkboard, humming quietly. Rin has the broom and dust pan, slowly working himself towards the front of the room.

It’s mostly quiet. Just your humming. The soft thud of a dust pan, a gentle brush of the bristle.

Rin feels a crick in his neck, half-way done with the task at hand. He stares at you, off in the front. In your own little world as you fix everything up diligently without turning your head to look up at him even once.

The nape of your neck is visible from the way you’re standing. There’s a chain there. Do you wear a necklace under your uniform? He can see the slope of your shoulders. The light reflects on you.

It stops him dead in his tracks. All he can hear is the quiet. The soft humming of your voice. The thud of the dust pan, the woosh of an eraser. The gentle bristle of a broom. The sound of his own heartbeat, a little louder than it was a minute ago.

He shakes his head. He goes back to sweeping.

“Why do you look like that?”

You look depressed. For Rin, this expression on you is unusual. You do look sad sometimes. Somber, occasionally but the look you have on your face right now is down right harrowing. You’re staring blankly out into the open, sitting in the usual spot the two of you have lunch at. But you’ve hardly touched your food and your favorite juicebox (a lunchtime staple) doesn’t have a straw in it yet.

It’s freaking him out, quite frankly. He stares at you, waving a hand in front of your face until you click back into reality. You jump in your skin at the sight of him before taking a deep breath once you’ve realized who’s in front of you.

“Oh. It’s just you. Sorry,” You say, immediately going for your juice. See? “What did you say?”

He sighs, sitting down next to you with his own lunch. Nothing special, something his mom likes to pack when he’s at home - though he doesn’t often take it. He opens up his own tin, taking chopsticks out attached from the top.

“I asked why you looked like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like someone just died.”

You look at him morbidly, clasping your hands and leaning forward with your elbows on your knees.

“My midterm grades,” You say solemnly, voice wavering ever so slightly “They’re detestable. A shame to my bloodline.”

Rin looks at you plainly.

“Aren’t you an idiot to begin with?”

“Hey! I’ll have you know I’m average. Super average. But I scored even lower than usual and I’m concerned. I need to do well on the next one and on my entrance exams.”

Oh, right. Rin forgot since he has no plans to take any.

“Do you know what you want to do for college?” He asks, mostly out of obligation.

“I want to study journalism.” There’s a wispiness to your way of speaking. It gives the air a sentimental feel. “There’s a private university with a good program I want to get into but they’re kind of tough. So I have to focus and do well,”

“What subject are you struggling with?”

You deflate all over again.

“Chemistry and Classical Japanese,”

Rin does well in both subjects. He thinks it over, and decides he can consider this payback. That’s all it is. He’s never liked owing people for favors and while you say this much is enough - Rin can rest assured about your little deal if he’s actually been of use to you in return. He remains impassive as he takes a sip of water.

“Do you want me to help you study?”

You turn to him immediately, suddenly full of life. He doesn’t like the gleam in your eyes, an immediate regret settling in as he stares at you, eyes full of disdain. You don’t hesitate grabbing his hand, putting it to your forehead and bowing deeply as you face him. You’re like a fly that keeps buzzing around him.

“Are you serious? Really? Forreal? Do you mean it?”

“If you keep being a dipshit I’m going to take it back,”

You pull away, hands folded in your lap, going stone faced.

“I would be very grateful,” You say, hands clasped in front of your face. He rolls his eyes.

“Don’t get the wrong idea,” He says bluntly, staring out into space “I just don’t want to owe you any favors.”

This you laugh at, leaning back on the wall behind you - with your legs stretched out.

“Don’t worry,” You reply, self-assured. “Somehow, you asking me to study with you so innocently really cements it in that you don’t have a shred of affection for me.”

Something in him stirs. He ignores it.

“Never in a million years.”

You laugh light-heartedly.

“You’re so cold to me, Itoshi-kun.”

“You still call me that.” He grimaces. You stare at him confused.

“How else would I call you?”

“When you use my last name it reminds me of my brother,”

“...Are you implying I should use your first name?”

Oh. Shit. That is what he sort of said, isn’t it?

“No,” He denies, somehow unable to come up with anything worthwhile “Don’t address me at all.”

“Eh? But that’s impossible? I can try but,”

Only an idiot like you would think to actually try. He shakes his head. It’s no good after all.

“Shut up,” He decides, because there’s not anything else he can think to say “We can study at the library.”

You’re quick to reject the proposal.

“We have to pick somewhere else. Like a cafe or something,” You say, not looking at him. You have your phone pulled up now, looking for places nearby. He’s lost again.

“What? Why? Isn’t it easier if it’s at school?”

You glance over at him wide-eyed, before suddenly smiling. It’s a knowing smile, almost like you feel sorry for him. He wants to ask why you look like that. It’s weirdly guarded and he hates that from you. He stares at you, trying to will you to explain yourself. You’re good at reading his thoughts, frustratingly enough, so he’s not accustomed to asking.

Which means your lack of answer is deliberate, and even with the pressure he’s putting on you, you don’t budge.

“Trust me on this one,” You voice light and airy. “It’s better if we find somewhere away from school, too. There’s still some time to look, so no rush.”

He lets it go because he doesn’t have any other choice. Lunch passes and you talk like everything's normal.

The question lingers in the back of his mind.

Rin spends most of his time between classes watching soccer. If he has some free time on his day off, he’ll look for a new movie to watch. There’s a new foreign film coming out from a director who he really likes and he’s just finished watching the trailer.

Thirsty, with nothing to do - he stands to his feet and briefly surveys the classroom. He wants a drink and there’s a vending machine down the hallway with a sports drink that tastes like..something.

His airpods are close to being dead so there’s no music as he makes his way. He’s not a fan of being forced to listen to the chatter of the general populace so it’s not that hard to ignore.

It catches his attention when he hears your name in passing before turning the corner of the hall. It stops him dead in his tracks, something tense left in the syllables after . He doesn’t know why he stopped, not exactly. He figured it’d be annoying if his presence caused a ruckus.

He’s used to people talking about you, though they usually describe you as a busybody. The Senpai who’s everywhere. A hand in every jar, or something like that. But there’s a tone to that, mild amusement - never malice, that Rin is more than accustomed to.

This is not that, he notices. He leans on the wall and listens. A group of girls. Some of the voices he recognizes. They’re from the third year classroom down the hall.

“It’s like, I don’t know,” Eto-san, he thinks. She’s come up to him before, more times than he can really count on one hand. Rin knows the type. Kind but not really. To the point it’s hard for anyone to call her out on it. “It’s weird how much she hangs around him. She’s not a bad girl or anything,”

The addition makes Rin’s eye twitch. Yeah. He’s very familiar with this type. He keeps listening. Another voice, but he has no idea who this one is.

“Really? But Senpai is pretty kind to me,”

“Mm, I guess so. I just wonder if it makes Itoshi-kun uncomfortable, you know? With pushy people like that, it doesn’t matter how blunt you are. I just worry about him a bit.”

If it wasn’t so annoying to listen in, Rin would laugh. He’s never understood girls. Especially not highschool ones. He doesn’t pay attention to that kind of social hierarchical shit to begin with, only forced to acknowledge it because other people do. None of it matters to him.

He does think back to what you said a week ago, about finding a place away from school to study. It clicks. You probably know they talk about you like this. Or you could surmise this outcome. Rin should expect that level of awareness from you. Sincere. Always attuned to everyone. Of course this is something you know but he doesn’t.

Why didn’t you tell him? That’s annoying. It’s nothing he couldn’t deal with knowing. He would’ve got it if you explained it earlier.

“Oh wow, you really care about him Eto-san,”

There’s a soft chuckle that makes Rin annoyed. Is he supposed to feel grateful? They’ve barely spoken to each other.

“It’s not like that. It must be hard since he missed second year, that’s all.”

With that, Rin decides to turn the corner.

He’s a little pleased at the reaction. How everyone goes into complete silence when he arrives. He spares her a glance as he moves towards the vending machines, clicking in the buttons. A generic sports drink comes tumbling out of the bottom, and Rin grabs it with deliberate slowness - drawing out the unease.

Eto-san gives him a blank stare before suddenly looking cheerful. She seems a little panicked, quickly trying to make conversation with him. The words don’t reach his ears as he stares down at her expressionlessly.

“Are you done?” He says, ice-cold. She stutters at that. Rin suppresses a smile.

“Oh, uhm, yeah. Sorry, were you busy?”

“Yeah,” He says back, completely apathetic.

He doesn’t plan on saying anymore in the first place. The little victories count.

It does feel like some kind of magic when he hears your voice from the other end of the hallway. You’re practically shouting it, and following is the sound of the hall monitors telling you off for running as you barrel toward him full speed. He can hear the thud of your sneakers all the way till they skid to a stop.

You’re out of breath, bent over your knees and messy as you put a hand up. Most times, he would be embarrassed. He’d even tell you off for being such an idiot. Right now, he finds the corners of his lips upturned as he stares at you from where you stand.

“Oh, hey guys. Sorry, I had some business with this guy. Oh, Fujita-chan, your hair is cute today! I like how it looks up on you,” You say, to the girl who was calling you kind just a minute ago “I hope he wasn’t too cruel to you. He’s actually afraid of women, it’s a generational curse. Every night he turns into a frog and—”

You shuffle in front him, arms stretched out like a shield. He sticks his leg out and kicks your shin. You yelp in pain.

“What the hell are you talking about? Shut up.”

“Ow, you strong bastard. You’re a soccer player, please be more conscious of your kicks. What if you shattered my shin? I know you’re loaded but it’s the principle of the thing, you know—”

“Stop talking or I’ll kick you a second time.”

You go silent immediately.

“Forgive me, Itoshi-sama. I’ve strayed from the path of righteousness. Alas, the people need you.” You say, turning around.

“Speak clearly.”

“Homeroom teacher wanted to double check with you about after graduation plans and told me to go get you.”

“Why you?”

“I was already walking around for the newspaper club.”

He nods, not needing any more explanation.

“H-hey, aren’t you acting too friendly with him?”

So she decided to speak. This makes you falter, just a little, and Rin detests the look of self-satisfaction on her face. He speaks this time. It’s not like he can’t fight any of his own battles.

“It’s fine,” He says, not bothering to think about it. He looks at you, as you stare back at him where he stands, wide-eyed. Idiot. “I don’t mind.”

You grin at him. Big and rounded and stupid, with all of your teeth like you’re giddy. If the hallway monitor wasn’t up your ass, he figures you’d be skipping about now. You usher him into the hall, back where he came from, waving them off.

“Be seeing you guys, then! Bye!”

And you’re off. It’s quiet until you’re both completely out of ear-shot. Before he can go any further you stand in front of him, hands behind your back with a dumb look on your face. He already knows what you’re going to say.

“Hey. I really like you a lot. Just now… my heart was fluttering. I thought I was hallucinating,”

“You’re a moron,”

“Ahhh, what should I do? I’m all hot under the collar. Is this what it’s like being a maiden in love? It’s great.”

“How can you say that knowing I’ve already rejected you?”

“It’s because you’ve rejected me, I can say that.”

And Rin doesn't really get it. He’s not sure he ever will.

But you seem happy enough. He decides against prying.

Somehow, you’ve ended up at Rin’s house.

He doesn’t know how it happened. Really.

He mentioned to his mother off-handedly that he needed to help someone study. He should’ve lied about it then, but coming off of running drills makes him pretty stupid. He uses most of his brain power when he trains. So in an altered state of mind due to dehydration, hunger and general exhaustion - he answered honestly instead of lying.

You’re helping someone study? Yes, they’re from my class.

Is it a boy or a girl? A girl. We’re friends.

You can’t study at the library? She doesn’t want to, so we’re trying to find somewhere else.

Why not invite her here, if her parents are okay with it? Her parent’s don’t really pay enough attention to be bothered.

Wait, what is he saying?

Rin doesn’t know how it happened. Really. Really. He tried pretty hard to reject his mothers advances about the situation but he’s never been one to upset her. The whole thing with Sae really tore her up so they both had a silent agreement to try and get along at home. And since Rin is still living at home for now, he tries harder to listen to her. Even so, he wasn’t planning on yielding for this one.

Rin is not immune to his mothers guilt. A long lecture about how her only sons never cared about anything but soccer and how she’s worried she’s never going to have grandchildren later, he finally gave in and gave you a call at his dinner table.

He was hoping you would come through and reject the offer. Say something stupid about how that’s dangerous territory for a young girl in love and let his mom down gently. He forgot about your whole thing about responsibility and being a nice girl who gets along well with adults.

And now, the door is ringing and Rin knows he’s going to open it to you. He mostly blames himself for not thinking ahead.

Rin opens the door on a Saturday afternoon and the first thing he thinks is that you’re not wearing your uniform.

You look…different. It’s weird. Your hair is styled in an unusual way, tied with something like ribbon. You’re wearing something flowy and loose but the neck is a little rounder than usual. There’s a necklace there, a heart-pendant with a chain. You have in...earrings.

Rin thinks vaguely that you look…something. He doesn’t know. But in his vision you’re like a troublesome and amorphous blob that yammers on about nothing. And right now you look…not like that.

“You’re dressed up.” Are the first words to come out of his mouth. You blink at him owlishly.

“Oh. Yeah. I wanted to make a good impression on your mom so I tried not to look sloppy.” You say sheepishly. He leans against the doorframe.

“She doesn’t care about stuff like that.”

“Well I do, okay? Now, can I come in?”

“The white slippers are for you.”

He steps aside and lets you in. You have perfect manners. He probably should’ve expected that. You take your shoes off neatly and place them on the rack the same way, slipping your feet into the slippers provided. Rin just watches, eyes tracing the curve of your neck.

“Where’s your mom?” You ask.

“In the kitchen making dinner. You’re staying for dinner right?”

You blink at him, surprised.

“I mean it’s not like I can’t.”

“She’d be upset if you didn’t.” He says noncommittally before walking you down to the kitchen.

His mother is right where he expects. He stands in the corner as you shuffle in watching on. She turns around to look at you, wiping her hands on her apron.

“Oh, my, you must be Rin’s friend? Such a lovely girl. Welcome! Welcome.”

To this, you bow your head as deep as it can go. The air around you feels serious. Rin scoffs internally. There’s a strange feeling in his chest that he can’t describe, seeing you bowing in front of his mom. An itch he can’t reach, locked tight around his ribs.

You give his mother your name first and she smiles like she’s absolutely delighted just hearing it.

“Thank you for having me. I brought some fruit with me as a gift, I hope that’s alright.”

His mom shoots him a look that Rin deflects by turning away, opening the plastic bag you’ve handed to her.

“Oh my! Aren’t these expensive fruits? Please thank your parents for me!”

“Oh no, don’t worry about that. I work part-time, so I paid for them myself. It was the least I could do. I’m grateful for the tutoring.”

You tense up, realizing that might’ve been an awkward thing to say. It isn’t. Even if it was, Rin’s mother has always been soft-hearted. His dad tells him they’re a lot alike but Rin doesn’t see it. Whatever it may be, Rin’s mom is too doting and too sociable to let you feel bad. Right now she seems emotional, an expression between empathy and pride. She reaches for you like it’s the most natural thing in the world, patting your head gently.

“How diligent. Thank you, then, for the fruit.”

Rin can’t see your face but it’s easy to picture.

“Of course. And pardon the intrusion! And uhm, thank you for having me for dinner.”

Clumsy. Rin thinks you’re clumsy. A flickering light. His mom laughs brightly and tells you not to worry. She leans in closer like she’s whispering but Rin can hear her loud and clear.

“Rin can be very brash but he’s a good boy, so thank you for being kind to him.”

He feels embarrassed. Even readies himself to intervene.

“He is very kind to me.”

Wait. What?

His mom smiles even brighter, and mouths something like ‘take care of her’ when you’re not looking. He wants to stop it before it starts. You’re not dating. You’re hardly even friends, you’re just here to study. Rin almost wants to shout it, but he’s stuck. Before he can do any of that, you’re turning around and smiling like you haven’t said anything strange.

What do you mean he’s kind to you? When his whole thing is rejecting you mercilessly? Being cruel?

What kind of person would ever describe him as kind?

He can’t find the words he wants to say, so he takes you to his room in silence.

You both make it to Rin’s room in one piece.

You’ve been studying now for about an hour. Given your personality, Rin was expecting more of a fuss. He thought you’d make some comment about being in a boys room and then fight off the actual studying like the plague.

Much to his surprise, you started studying with him right away. Rin tries his best to tutor you, though he does make fun of you in the process. But you’re a try-hard all the same, stopping only to ask questions and get clarification occasionally.

You’ve been focused that whole time, miraculously enough. Rin studies too, but only a bit, after deciding to study some recent matches instead.

( Every now and again, he’ll glance at you. Just to see if you’re stuck or still working. Each time, he gets caught up on the fact you’re not in your uniform and has to tear his eyes away. )

After a bout of silence, you yawn out loud, quietly shutting your workbook.

“I’ve finished all my practice problems for today,” You announce, before deciding to lay down on his floor “I’m beat.”

“I thought you were gonna give up before you started.” Rin admits. You frown at him.

“I was serious about needing tutoring. Thanks for all your help.”

“I already told you it’s fine. Is there anything else? Finals are next week.”

You shake your head.

“Mm, I don’t think so. One of the guys from the newspaper club helped me with math so I’ll be okay.”

…Huh?

“From the newspaper club?”

“Huh? Yeah. Murata-senpai. We’re in the same year. He’s a few months older so he insists on making me call him Senpai.”

“And he helped you with math?”

“Yeah. He was a delinquent like, all of first year but he really cleaned up his act. He’s actually really gentle.”

Rin frowns at that.

“Do people usually describe delinquents as gentle?”

You make a noise of indignance from where you’re laid on his floor.

“Hey. Murata-senpai is really nice, okay? And he is gentle, so I won’t tolerate your usual judginess.”

Rin rolls his eyes.

“How’d you even meet him?”

“Uh…I wanted to write a column about him, basically. He was helping in the garden last year and I kinda…stalked him. It sounds worse than it is. I just wanted to know what made him change.”

“So stalking people is pretty typical for you.”

You sit up and gape at him. Rin suppresses a laugh.

“Anyways. I eventually flagged him down for an interview. Apparently, he had a real scare with his granny getting sick and decided he needed to cut the shit. He’s a good guy. He joined the newspaper club after the interview,”

“After the interview…?”

You nod, leaning forward with your elbows on the table in front of you.

“Uh-huh. Said he was interested because of my passion or something. He’s been really nice to me ever since and helps me with all of the ideas I have.” You soften as you talk about it. Rin feels an ugly emotion in his chest “I’m worried about what will happen to the club after graduation, but Senpai is always encouraging me to make the most out of the time we still have. So I’m really thankful for him. That’s why you have to be nice.”

Rin is super annoyed. He doesn’t know why he’s so annoyed but he is. How do you not realize this guy likes you? He doesn’t know why he’s opening his mouth to tell you what’s so obvious. It’s not like it really matters. Rin doesn’t like you in the first place, so if he informs you that your beloved Murata-senpai has feelings for you - it’s no big deal.

In fact it might be better for everyone if you realize. He’s just frustrated by how clueless you can be sometimes.

“He’s interested in you,” Rin says, against his better judgment. It feels like the words are welling up in his throat “Your senpai or whatever.”

You blink at him stupidly. He wonders if you’re wearing mascara.

“Huh? I doubt that somehow. Senpai is kind to me but I think he sees me like a little sister.”

He scoffs at you.

“You would think that. Most guys aren’t just nice to girls they don’t like.”

“Not everyone is like you, yanno.” You say back without thinking twice. That’s not the point this time, he wants to say. And he’s right for this one. Anyone else with half of a brain would realize. You’re just… you. Which means you’re absolutely unaware of things pertaining to you. It’s the only reason he can think you’d deny something so obvious.

The only reason you could come to the house of a boy you liked just to study.

“Shut up. I’m saying this because you’re too much of a dumbass to put it together on your own. The guy definitely likes you.”

“I didn’t know you were a love guru,” You say sarcastically, sticking your tongue out at him. Childish. Annoying “It doesn’t matter if he does.”

“Why wouldn’t it matter?”

You give him an incredulous look.

“Unfortunately my heart is captured by an aloof sportsman.”

He doesn’t know why he feels relieved when you say that. He feels his heart all the way in his throat like he’s going to throw it up, even though his expression remains impassive.

“You already know I don’t like you, though. It’s a good opportunity, isn’t it? Don’t a lot of people move on that way.”

You shake your head.

“I’m not that sort of wishy-washy woman.” You reply, huffing your chest up and trying to ease the tension. You stop to shake your head, a small smile on your face. “You wouldn’t get it even if I explained.”

“It’s annoying when you do that,” Rin voices, not bothering to cut it any other way “You did that with the girls at school too. I’m never gonna get it if you don’t bother explaining it to me.”

You soften at this, then whisper.

“...Why do you care?” But it’s not said with any malice. It’s not said sadly either. Just curious. He freezes, but doesn’t let it show. He wants to ask himself the same question.

“I don’t. It’s just,” And he scoffs, not looking at your face “It’s a pain.”

You hum, not expecting more of an answer.

“I want to treasure my own feelings towards you,” You say, and something in Rin feels like it’s being set on fire. “It’s not just about having a boyfriend. If it was, then I’d consider Senpai's feelings.”

“...So it’s about me, specifically?”

“Yeah,” You say without offering any more explanation than that “It is. I like you.”

The words but why, linger in the air. You seem to be feeling merciful, as you lean back on your palms and stare up at his ceiling. You wear your heart outside of your body, more often than not. And he thinks that part of you is so hard to get used to.

“You’re really awkward. And aloof. And you don’t have any friends.”

“Is this some kind of revenge or…?”

“But. You’re also sensitive. The more I know you, the more I think you’re kind and well-meaning. You uh, remind me of a cat.”

He blinks.

“A cat?”

“A cat. Sometimes they want their own space. And sometimes they knock your water off your desk for fun. Plus they only really care about people in their own circle,”

“Again, is this—”

“Let me finish, jeez. They’re solitary creatures. But like when they accept you, they get comfortable. An’ nice . And they look out for you in their own way. To me you’re a lot like that.”

You give him a smile so warm it makes his back hot. So loud and so vibrant like it burst out of him at any minute.

“I’ve uh, always been interested in you. I watched you play in Bluelock too. I kept thinking to myself, there’s something about you. I want to know more, even if it’s just a little. Stuff like that.” You talk so quietly yet it’s all Rin can hear. All Rin can see in his vision is you. All Rin can think about is you. “I’ve always been interested in other peoples stories. So I thought, what a waste it would be, to throw away that feeling because of something like love or like. I thought, ‘What's your story, Itoshi Rin?’”

Rin doesn’t know what to say so he chooses to say nothing.

“When I confessed, I knew you would never like me. Because that’s just the sort of person everyone says you are. Still, what a waste, right? You miss all the shots you don’t take or whatever. So, I wanted to get to know you. I guess.”

“I don’t get it. I get what you’re like but it still doesn’t make any sense. There’s nothing special to know, is there?”

“Feeling that is special, don’t you think? That’s a special reason to me.”

He doesn’t follow. You laugh lightly.

“If I never became interested in Murata-senpai’s story, I would’ve never been his friend. If I gave up on trying to know you, just because you didn’t return to my one-sided feelings, then I would’ve never gotten to know you either. Don’t you think that’s a waste?”

Rin doesn’t know. He’s never really cared about it. He’s rejected so many confessions and never once thought enough about any of them in any depth. That part of you is foreign. He can chalk it up to a difference in character. He can’t understand wanting to know someone just because.

(Or maybe he can. He just hasn’t until now. Until this very moment, suspended in time. Where he wants to know what things make you the way you are.)

Some small, dark part of him wants to ask why. Over and over until his throat feels raw - long enough to understand it. Even as he grips onto that desire so tight, with such bruising force, the words sit in his mouth. They taste like iron. They taste like a bitten tongue. If you’ve watched him all this time, then you know. Being chosen. He’s never been confident in that. Rin wants to ask, why him?

What’s so special? Enough to keep talking to him? Enough to do any of this? Is getting to know people is always this difficult, he wonders. Does it always feel uncomfortable to be in proximity with someone?

In the end, he can’t bring himself to ask. He can’t even bear to examine it in himself, the sense of dread washing over him like sickness. He’s nauseous. And this time, there’s a residue of tension he’s finding increasingly difficult to ignore.

You come through again. He wonders if you can read his mind just like you do with all the nobodies at school.

“Rin-kun,” You say, your voice like the summer heat. “Getting to know you makes me feel like my feelings aren’t a waste. I’m happy getting to know you. I want to treasure that.”

What happens when you run out of things to know? The question is too heavy. He settles on a different one. He wants to understand it more. Just to put himself at ease.

“Isn’t being in the same room with someone who rejected you uncomfortable?”

“Maybe. But there’s a clear line for me and you, so it’s cool. In like, ten years, maybe someone will interview me about you. As your classmate and stuff. And I’ll go - ‘He’s actually a really nice guy. I actually had a crush on him.’ If I can say that, without being regretful, then that’ll be enough for me.”

“That’ll be enough for you? Really?”

“Really.”

“You’re so weird.” He says, unsure of what else he could possibly say. You giggle, and lay back down on his floor.

“I knew you’d say that.”

Summer comes.

It doesn’t occur to Rin how often he sees you in school until it all comes to a halt. He has your number, and you text him often - about unimportant and trivial shit that you think of. In that way, it doesn’t even really feel like you’ve separated.

But the sudden absence of your chattering in his life makes everything feel especially quiet. Summer is a boring time for Rin. It’s mostly the same. Practicing and playing and studying. On the few occasions he’s been out, it’s because some of the other Bluelock members are gathering and refuse to let him know even a breath of peace.

He’s seen Sae now, though they never really talk about anything. Sort of just look at each other and exchange enough words that their mom doesn’t cry before going back to their room. Sae will be gone before school starts back up again, so Rin isn’t all that worried about it.

It occurs to Rin for the first time that this summer will be the last of his highschool days. He’s never been sentimental about stuff like that - so he figures you’re to blame for these sudden thoughts.

Your summer has been a lot busier than his. He should probably expect this from you by now, but your surprisingly youthful social life always shocks him. You’ve been working part-time as usual. In that time though, you’ve also been to the beach and been on an overnight trip to Osaka with your newspaper club.

(Rin wasn’t happy to hear about this. He was relieved to know it was with a teacher and that you roomed with a girl. But still, not exactly his favorite of anecdotes for the summer.)

You’ve invited Rin more than once to come hang out with you, but he’s basically always declined. The group setting is troublesome, but being alone with you feels even worse somehow. It wouldn’t be a date, obviously, but it would be something. Something deliberate.

Rin doesn’t know if he can come see you in good faith for such a reason.

It’s another day spent doing his usual. Being technical, it’s a rest day, which means he’s only allowed to stretch. He has done his basics. Studied, messed around with his ball, responded to a barrage of texts from Bachira and Isagi. He played games for a while, checking out a new horror game before deciding it’d be best not to get too sucked in so he has something to play next time.

After all that, during a mid-August day while Rin sits on his couch and watches T.V., he receives a facetime call from you for the very first time. At first, he just lets it ring. But when it keeps ringing - he figures your persistence is going to continue unless he replies.

He looks around. No one's home, so he doesn’t need to go to his room. He swipes, and the call connects. The screen shows him, propped up against something with a full shot of your room. You’re turned away from the camera. Rin just stares.

“Oh, shit - did you actually pick up?”

“Should I hang up.”

“No! No, I just wasn’t expecting you. Don’t hang up. I need a guy's opinion.”

“What? What for?”

“I got in a fight with my brother about a dress I bought,” You say, exasperated, and Rin is surprised because you hardly see him. “I know he’s probably looking out for me but I don’t think we talk enough for him to be telling me how to dress.”

“He’s older than you, right? Maybe you should listen to him.”

“You’re the last person I want to hear that from. Either way, I’m not a kid. I’m already 18 and I’m going to college. It’s a cute dress! I feel like it’s fine.”

“So..why’d you call me again?”

“I’m gonna try it on and show you. Murata-senpai is busy.”

“You shouldn’t do that to a guy who likes you.” Rin deadpans. You laugh.

“Shut up. I really need an opinion. I wanted to wear it to go out today so if it’s actually too provocative then I have to change my outfit.”

“Where are you even going?”

“My friend needs to get a concealer, so probably the mall or something. After that I’ll go buy some stationary.”

“Alone? What about your friend?”

“She’s gonna go see her boyfriend.”

“Why can’t you just go with them? Or ask them to go with you”

“And third wheel? I’m good. I just need some stationary and then I’ll be home. Easy peasy. Anyway, what’s with the interrogation?”

“It’s not interrogation.” He insists. You’re offscreen so Rin can’t see you, but he can hear the sound of a zipper echo in the speakers. He’s also sure you’re rolling your eyes.

When you come on camera, the dress of the hour is on display. Rin’s first thought is to tell you to take it off. It is too provocative to him. The front is fine as is, but it’s nearly backless and it’s cut too high on your thighs. He’s never seen so much of your skin. Maybe that’s a given, since he didn’t go to the beach with you either.

You give him a quick spin, before patting the front down. You say something, but the words don’t register. It feels like his brain is full of cotton or something.

“So? Too much? I mean it’s backless but like. I don’t know, it’s kind of loose? And the sleeves are long. Neckline isn’t that bad, either.”

Rin just says what he thinks “You shouldn’t go out alone wearing it.”

You frown at him.

“That’s not helpful, Rin-kun.”

“It’s…fine. What time does your friend have to go?”

“Probably right after we’re done.”

He sighs.

“Tell her to go with her boyfriend early. I’ll come with you to get your stationary.”

“Wait, what? Did I hear that right? You’re coming to get me? After I’ve been hounding you to hang out? What’s with the change of heart?”

“I don’t have anything to do since it’s a rest day. You need stuff and I don’t think you should be out alone. Don’t read into it.”

“Kinda hard not too but I’m not gonna complain. Are you coming right now?”

“Yeah. Send me your address.”

Rin has no idea what impulse has brought him here.

That’s not entirely true. What brought him to your apartment towards the end of summer is impulse. He acted on nothing but impulse.

Rin, for better or for worse, finds that you’re clueless about yourself. The fact you were going to call Murata-senpai is already bothering him enough. That, along with the fact you wore the dress and didn’t think it was too short is troubling. It’s not that Rin wants to tell you what not to wear. He doesn’t have the right but you did ask.

Anyway, it’s a lot less agitating if you’re being accompanied while wearing it. Going alone in something like that, even if it’s the middle of summer, would be stupid.

Rin doesn’t make it a habit of worrying about the outfits of girls he doesn’t know. He does know you though. He thinks you’d be really annoying if something happened and you got upset about it. So, all he’s doing is preventing that outcome. It’s nothing more than that.

He knocks on your door as he shakes the thoughts out of his head, and he’s greeted by a man in his late twenties. It dawns on Rin that this is your brother. He really didn’t think this through.

Your brother is an imposing person. He’s a head taller than Rin with a gruff voice and a scar on his cheek. Rin stares at him blankly.

“Who are you?”

“Itoshi Rin. I’m here for—”

“Nii-san, tell Rin-kun to come inside and sit! I’m not done getting ready.”

Your brother glares at him.

“Who’s he? Your boyfriend? Is that why—”

You come stumbling out of your room, half-dressed and Rin immediately averts his eyes. This is the most uncomfortable experience of his life.

“He’s not my boyfriend. He already rejected me, so we’re just friends. Stop fussing and let him in, it’s hot out.”

“He rejected you?”

Rin should just leave.

“I already knew he was going to. Now move,”

Rin doesn’t enjoy being involved in your sibling quarrel. Suddenly, he feels a twinge of regret about some old Bluelock memories. He understands it now more than ever, gaining a little empathy.

Your brother moves out of the way. You’re standing in the hall, with a single stocking on and powder on your face he’s pretty sure is meant to be brushed. You grin at him.

“Sorry! I won’t be long, promise. You got here faster than I thought you would.”

Rin can feel a pair of eyes in the back of his skull.

“Uh. Yeah. I took the bus so it was quick.”

“It might be uncomfortable here. Do you wanna sit in my room instead? It’s colder but it’s kind of a mess—”

“He can sit here.” Your brother insists. Rin is never leaving his house again. You frown.

“Didn’t I already tell you we’re not dating? He’s not even interested in me, it’s not like anything is gonna happen.”

“It’s the principle of it.” Yeah. Definitely siblings.

“Whatever. If you make him uncomfortable, I’m gonna yell at you. Rin-kun, sorry. Do you need anything? Juice? Water?”

Your hospitality throws him off. You’re different at home.

“Uh. No. I’m okay.”

“Okay, then I’ll hurry and get dressed. Nii-san, please be civil.”

With that, you flounce back up to your room. Your brother is staring hard in Rin’s direction. He’s not intimidated. It’s just… so awkward it’s kind of unbearable for him. What do people usually do in this situation? Rin’s not exactly the sociable type.

“She confessed to you?”

Rin is startled.

“Uh. Yeah. In April.”

“And you’re friends?”

“She asked to be friends.”

Your brother looks distressed.

“I don’t understand that girl at all.”

Rin doesn't either.

“What’s she like in school?”

Rin stares. Oh. He’s that kind of older brother.

“Uh. Busy. She’s in the newspaper club so she’s always doing something. She has a lot of friends and gets along with our class.”

“I see…that’s good. I’m always worried about her. Our family has always been busy and I moved out when I was 18 so… we don’t see much of each other. She doesn’t talk about herself that much either.”

Rin nods absently. What circle of hell is this?

“She probably thinks I’m just being overprotective,” Bullseye “But I just worry she grew up too fast.”

Rin thinks if he were a different kind of guy, now would be the time he gives your older brother an encouraging heart to heart. The script is there. It’s just not how he honestly feels. Rin doesn’t take pleasure in defending you. But it’s hypocritical and a little ridiculous to hear it from him.

Some of it is leftover resentment from Sae. The rest is knowing you.

You did grow up too fast. From what he knows about teenage girls, they’re supposed to be…meaner. More hysterical. More inconsiderate. Less responsible and more in the moment. Messy. All teenagers are, really.

For all the ways you are clumsy and ridiculous, sometimes Rin thinks you’re too off-puttingly mature. It wouldn’t kill you to be more selfish. To be just a little less self-reliant. It’s not normal is it? To be so grateful for things you’re owed. It bothers him. Always has.

Rin knows what the script is. But it bothers him.

“If you know that then you don’t really have any right to intervene,” Rin says bluntly. “Suddenly acting protective and considerate when she grew up on her own is just going to feel stifling. Aren’t you just trying to make yourself feel better?”

He looks surprised by his answer. Hurt too.

“I guess that’s right,”

He frowns.

“If you actually care, just be honest. She’s not the type of person to turn someone away on a grudge.”

Before Rin can feel embarrassed about what he’s said, you come stumbling down the steps all dressed up. Your brother gives you a look.

“Do you need any money?”

You look at him confused then shake your head no.

“Okay. Stay safe and have fun.”

He turns to leave. You watch him go. Rin puts his hands in his pockets like he’s trying to wipe himself of it.

“Weird… anyways. Ready to go?”

“Yeah.”

Your outing goes well.

Outing. Not a date. No matter how many times people mistake you two for being on a date today - it was nothing more than an outing.

You start with stationary for the upcoming term, then you drag Rin to the mall because you need some more clothes. After that, you go into a bookstore to pick up some manga. Rin has fun there because he gets to pick out some new releases and you bond mutually over your tastes. Rin learns both like thrillers. You spend a lot of time together, reading over his shoulder.

It’s not a date. But it wasn’t bad. He’s so used to talking to you that the entire situation doesn’t feel uncomfortable at all. You’re funnier than he’s usually willing to give you credit for. Doing all that, plus train rides, makes it so you’re not home until sundown. You, however, refuse to end the night without having some kind of treat. After a lot of begging Rin to cheat on his meal plan, the two of you get ice-cream and you drag Rin to a local playground. Apparently you bring your neighbors' kids here sometimes.

Now he’s here. Sitting on swings with ice-cream and it is still not a date. Rin has no opinions on the day but you’re practically bursting at the seams with happiness. The dress you’re wearing is hiking up on your thigh from how you’re sitting. He was right to accompany you, by the way. The amount of creeps he’s had to stare down today alone is outright disgusting.

Rin takes a spoonful of ice-cream and lets it melt in his mouth. You let your feet hit the mulch beneath you as you lick the ice-cream carefully - trying desperately not to let it spill on your hand. He watches on in amusement. After you finally get a handle on it, you give him a small look.

“I had fun today,” You say sentimentally. Rin feels his stomach tie in knots “Thank you.”

He frowns.

“Gross. Stop that.”

“Aw, c’mon. You’re so edgy. Just admit you had fun! You had a fantastic and whimsical time.”

He gives you an unimpressed stare.

“Really? Nothing? You’re not feeling the flames of youthful joy in your loins at all?”

“Describing it like that is disgusting.”

“So you admit you know what it is.”

Rin wants to smile. Fuck, he hates you.

“...It wasn’t bad.”

You grin. You’re so annoying.

“Ladies and gents, we got an ‘it wasn’t bad’ from the ever soulless Itoshi Rin!”

Stupid. So stupid.

“It was more tolerable than hanging out with some of my other dipshit friends.”

You clasp a hand over your mouth dramatically.

“Oh…Oh wow… Do you want to try proposing next? The set-up is there. Perfect ambience.”

His face cracks into a begrudging smile.

“You’re insufferable.”

You suddenly go quiet. When Rin looks at you, you’re stunned

“Why’re you being weird?”

“No, sorry, I was just thinking I really like you,” You say, like it’s the easiest and most natural thing in the world “I’ve never seen you smile before. It’s nice.”

“...Your ability to say cringy shit like that so easily is astounding to me.”

“I don’t want to hear this from the guy who unironically uses lukewarm,” You say, biting into your ice-cream cone. Rin blushes. “Besides, nothing wrong with being cringe when you’re in love.”

“Freak.”

You give him a thumbs up.

“One of a kind.”

There’s a beat of silence. It’s comfortable. Rin eats his too, probably a little slower than he has to. Summer feels heavy in the air.

“You weren’t always like..an edgelord, right?”

Rin stares at you, perplexed by how sudden the question is.

“Where’d you hear that from?”

“Your mom after dinner. You already went upstairs. Said you had a nasty fight with your brother.”

He doesn’t say anything, posture stiffening at the mention of Sae.

“It’s not your business.”

“Hey. No need for the attitude. I’m curious as your number one fan.” You say, trying to back off as much as possible. Like he’s some kind of feral cat you’re trying to calm. “Don’t be mad, okay? You don’t have to talk about it.”

You try your best to be soothing and Rin softens

He is angry. Not at you. Not really. The mention of Sae just does that to him. And if anyone else even thought to bring it up - he’d probably tell them to go fuck themselves with nothing but bitter hatred.

With you, there’s not any of that. There’s a lingering sense of hesitance - an internal conflict, but not anger. Rin’s never enjoyed opening his heart to anyone.

Even so, he feels compelled to tell you, so he does.

“My brothers a dick,” Resentment seeps into his words “He came back from overseas and then basically insulted me for a minute straight. We were always meant to play soccer together but he went through something. He changed. We never talked about it,”

“What? He insulted you for no reason? That’s so weird. Did you always have a bad relationship?”

Rin sits with himself quietly.

“I don’t know if we have one now. We were close as kids. At least.”

“And he just… came back and started being an asshole to you? Seriously?”

Rin nods. There’s not much else to the story. Rin’s tried hard not to think about the situation itself. He only uses the feelings that stayed behind to make him better. To give him a reason to play - it’s motivation and nothing more. If he starts to view it too much like what it is, betrayal, he’s afraid everything inside of him will collapse.

“There’s probably more to it than that,” You conclude thoughtfully. Rin thinks the same “But still. You’re his baby brother. Even if he’s going through something…”

Rin scoffs “You sound like you’re worried about him.” It comes out more petulantly than he expects

“Not really. Not as much as I’m worried about you,” You counter, giving him a small smile. Rin feels his heart leap into his throat “I just figure, you know, maybe thinking about it like that would help. You were close right? Your mom said he used to dote on you,”

Rin nods. He feels his chest swell and tighten.

“Then…I bet it sucked. I bet it was hard. Or at least, it must’ve been lonely to go through that,” You say, frown deepening “Such a sudden change would be hard for anyone to deal with, I think. It’s okay if you feel like it’s unfair. His reasons aside.”

You sigh, suddenly, covering your hands with your face.

“What?” Rin asks. You shake your head.

“You poor thing. I wanna hug you to death you know. A good squeeze. I’m trying to refrain.” You say, stomping your feet just slightly. He feels a flush crawl up his neck, turning his head to look away.

“...It’s not like I’m stopping you.”

He doesn’t have the courage to look at you. Not as he says it, or after to steal a glance of what face you're making. Instead, he hears the metal of the chain and feels the warmth of your body. It’s a tight hug. You’re standing and he’s sitting, your arms around his neck, his face directly against your chest. He widens his eyes. He wants to yell at you for being a defenseless idiot, but the feeling of being hugged so tightly washes the words away. You’re soft…and warm. He’s never been hugged by someone who isn’t his mom or brother before, and he can’t remember the last time either thing happened to him. You pat his head.

Do you touch people like this often? So casually? Or is he special because you like him, he wants to ask. He wants to ask but doesn’t want to know the answer, pushing the feeling down as deep as he can make it go. He wraps his arms around you loosely, above your waist trying to be respectful.

But he leans into the warmth. Like it’s something that happens once in a lifetime.

“Hey, Rin.” You say, soft. He can feel the warmth of your breath against his hair.

“Hn.”

“I hope you kick your brother's ass in soccer.”

You sound teary. Weirdly, it makes Rin feel better.

“Yeah.”

School starts up again during September.

The autumn season welcomes warm colors, fallen leaves and the sort of cool weather that puts the summer uniforms back up on the hangers. Rin is listening to music when he spots you waiting for him at the gate, waving your hand at him. He has half a mind to ignore you, you’re so embarrassing.

But before he can pretend not to see, you’re jogging over to him. He has to stand so you don’t end up bumping into him. You walk like you were born backwards, two left feet with such little awareness of your surroundings it stresses Rin out.

He gives you a blank stare as you smile, securing your bag to your shoulder.

“Look what the cat dragged in,” You say warmly. Rin pauses to look at you. You look different somehow. Lately you always do, Rin wonders if you’ve picked up some weird shape-shifting in your time apart “Are you excited for the new semester, hm? Hmm?”

He keeps walking and you fall in step with him. You try but he’s too fast, so he slows just a little. He clicks his teeth, shaking his head, eyes taking in the view of the building in front him.

“Why would I be excited?”

You shrug.

“Because winter break is close? Because there’s fun leaves outside? Because it’s your birthday in 6 days?”

He stops dead in his tracks.

“What the hell? Why do you know that?”

“Your mom told me.” You say, skipping along happily to school like you didn’t just say something insane. His frown deepens.

“You have my moms number? You talk to my mom?”

“She loves me,” You say casually, turning only to look at him and stick your tongue out “And she’s nice. Get over it.”

With this, you rush into the building faster, giggling as you leave. Rin, frustrated, stomps after you.

Your time together at lunch continues into fall. It’s the third day of the term, September 6th and you’re sitting by his side. The two of you eat in casual silence now, falling into a regular routine. There’s something about the whole ordeal that makes Rin feel a little funny.

Friendship, as it stands, is still a lukewarm idea to him. But sprawled out next to you in a comfortable quiet isn’t the worst thing. The weather is cool enough to be nice and the daylight lasts for just the right amount of time to see sunset when he treks back home from practicing shooting into the net.

That kind of sentimental viewing of his surroundings is a bad habit he’s picked up from you. He can’t seem to shake it off. He’s tried at least, but Rin has been stopping to look at everything nowadays. The sun, the trees, the cars passing. Everything passes right by his life, slowly.

Eventually, eventually this whole thing will cease. You’ll never see Rin again and he’ll never see you - and you’ll part your separate ways. Thinking about that feels so stifling. But he figures since that’s the case, there’s probably not any harm in letting the time pass like this. As long as he’s still improving.

Your voice doesn’t catch him off-guard anymore, no matter how loud it is after a long bout of silence. You stuff something into your mouth, a tomato he thinks.

“Rin-kun,” You start, tilting your head to one-side “Are you doing anything for your birthday?”

“No.” He answers immediately because he never does. He hasn’t done much since Sae left home and now that he’s a third year and about to be 18, there’s even less of a desire to pull together a party and celebrate.

“What? Boo. That’s so lame.”

“Don’t be so childish.”

“I’m older than you, you dummy,” You say with such automation that Rin doesn’t even get the chance to process “You’re not even gonna have cake? Nothing?”

“My mom might but I don’t have any plans.”

“Your mom is so nice.”

“Stop.”

You frown at him but don’t say any more. You look like you have something on your mind. Probably something stupid, but Rin can’t help but wonder what’s making your brow crease so intensely.

“What?” He snips. You flick your eyes to him and shake your head.

“I just think it’s a waste,” You say simply, that tone of fondness seeping into it that Rin can’t get used to. “It’s such a big number, you know? A little cake and some show tunes or something would suffice.”

Rin scoffs.

“I don’t care about it. It’s pointless to me. Lukewarm” He says, before noticing your genuine sadness. He sighs a little to himself “Stop looking like a depressed mutt.”

“I’m not a dog.”

“I guess dogs are more well-trained.’

“Hey. Hey, what the hell do you mean by that?”

He ignores you.

“Anyway, stop worrying about it.”

You pout.

“Easier said than done.”.

Rin’s morning routine has been the exact same for two years.

He starts by opening the window, to let fresh air and sunlight come in through the glass. He feels like his room gets stale overnight and it wakes him up to taste the sun in the back of his mouth. He takes a deep breath of it, clearing out his lungs and blinking his eyes open.

After that he stretches. He unfurls a Bluelock brand yoga mat onto his carpeted floor and gets to his usual cycle. It’s integral for an athlete to keep their muscles stretched, functioning like a well-oiled machine. He has it down pat. He starts from the bottom up, stretching his legs and working up to his arms and shoulders. His legs always come first since he’s a striker, always focusing on the mobility of his calves and foot before he stretches out his thigh.

His core, then his chest and arms. When he’s done with all that - he practices yoga for fifteen minutes. Again with mobility but this time full body, like making sure each of his limbs work with each other without any stops. He’ll sit back down after those minutes are up to meditate for another fifteen - clear his mind of absolutely anything stuck in it. It’s the most peace he gets on any given day.

At the end, he sits with his feelings. Carefully, he undoes the wrapped clothed box around his heart and stares at it as it sits in his lap. Beating and raw and melancholy blue - so full of sadness and anger like it could burst at any minute. Revisiting his sadness and rage is a necessity. Sometimes it feels like only sadness. Only monochrome.

(He wonders if a day will come where that part of his routine is changed. If ever, he’ll unwrap his own heart only to see it pink or golden yellow or even a softer shade of red. He wonders if the colors ever change, or if time will fade them.)

All of this happens before he even brushes his teeth. The rest of his morning routine is keeping his room neat. He folds the comforter on his bed, puts any dirty clothes away, and gets dressed. He doesn’t really style his hair - it’s so pin straight after washing he normally just has to brush it to keep it nice.

After that he has breakfast, and checks through his bag. On days he has school he goes to school and comes back to practice. If he’s home alone - he picks one of many other things to do. He tends to practice closer to evening, taking a shower before he goes to sleep.

On the morning of Rin’s 18th birthday, he’s only really acutely aware of the date. His morning starts the exact same as it has everyday for nearly two years. Nothing to make him feel particularly different. When he looks in the mirror, he still sees his brother's face and when he looks at his heart it’s still a steely, melancholy blue.

When he comes down stairs, though - there’s a pair of shoes he doesn’t recognize. And there’s a humming traveling down the hall and always the way up towards him that he knows quite well.

He thinks, for a minute, he might still be dreaming. Why you would be in his house on a Saturday morning makes absolutely no sense otherwise.

He slips his feet into his gray slippers and treks into the living room, only to find you in view of the open kitchen. There’s a balloon attached to flowers and a spread of fruits on the table. Orange juice in a cold glass. You with his moms borrowed apron, humming contentedly as you bend over the stove.

Rin doesn’t know what the feeling is. He doesn’t know if he’s irritated or not. Just that it’s so overwhelming to see you in his kitchen, marching to the beat of your own drum like you always do.

“What the hell are you doing in my house?”

You startle when you hear his voice, whipping around to face him. Dramatically putting a hand on your chest - you shoot him an unfriendly glare.

“Well hello to you too.”

“Answer my question.” He demands. You click your teeth.

“Well, obviously I’m making breakfast. We’re celebrating your birthday.”

“Without telling me.”

You snap your fingers before giving him finger guns “Precisely. Genius deduction, Itoshi-sama.”

“What the fuck. Where are my parents.”

“They’re out on a day-trip! It’s a Saturday. They’ll be back here on Sunday afternoon. Read the note.”

“What were you gonna do if I had last minute plans?”

“You don’t though?” You say like knowing that is so obvious. He knows you asked but still “I guess I’d turn around and make my own breakfast. Give you your gift at school or something.”

“Why are you here?” He asks a little softer this time. With a little more emotion, just a touch. He never expects anyone to make a fuss about his birthday.

Rin doesn’t really ask for much. Certainly wouldn’t ask for this on his own accord. That’s a vain thing to do, right?

It occurs to Rin that this is the kind of birthday you do for someone you like. Someone you love. You’re always confessing your feelings to him. You only say it when you’re sure. It wasn’t like Rin didn’t know you had feelings for him, because the point of it all had been for you to try and get rid of them. Or honor them, or deal with them in whatever way you saw fit. Rin had agreed on a whim to help you with that. Your friendship had started with the very notion that you liked Itoshi Rin and he didn’t like you back. It’s not some secret.

When the light pours in through the windows and hits your back and for the first time - Rin understands what the fuss is about being in love is. He’s sure that this strange, grotesque warmth is the aftermath of being liked. He always thought it’d feel more simple. That he’d remain unmoved in the face of it because he was different.

It’s not like he’s unloved. He’s sure his parents love him. His brother did too. Still does, Rin thinks.

But it’s the first time someone has made their feelings so clear to him. Someone who isn’t supposed to love or like him. And even Rin, chronically apathetic, can’t bring himself to ignore the weight of knowing that. He stares at you, dumbstruck.

You’re still turned to him. There’s a cool tumbler of iced-coffee sitting on the counter that you sip, head tilted to one side.

“Well, I don’t know,” You start, a hand on your hip “It just felt like too much of a waste to do nothing on your birthday. But you’re not the kind of guy who likes big celebrations. So I thought maybe just hanging out would be more your speed.”

Rin swallows. “Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

“Bold thing to assume.”

You frown back.

“Well, I was gonna invite Isagi-kun—“

“Isagi? How do you know Isagi?”

“He saw me leaving your house ‘cause he was gonna visit. After we talked he followed me on Instagram. Anyway, I was gonna invite him and Bachira and all four of us could go to a movie,” You explain as you sigh and go back to the stove “But he said you’d probably just want to hang out with me.”

“…And he didn’t say anything else?”

“Well he asked if we were dating so I just told him the truth. Really nice guy, by the way.”

Rin’s going to hound Isagi next time they practice together.

“So. Now you’re here… doing what exactly?”

“Making you breakfast. I’ll make you ochazuke for lunch later. Haven’t decided on dinner, I thought I’d ask when you woke up. Your mom said you liked traditional breakfast but I didn’t think I’d be done by the time you woke up so there’s fruit.”

Sure enough, when Rin walks over to the other side of the table - there’s a half done spread of breakfast on the table. All the dining ware is set up neatly, the table arranged so well he feels guilty for not helping.

“You didn’t have to do all this for me.” Rin tsks, a frown on his expression as he stands next to you. He watches you pour egg into a square pan, slowly evening out the layers.

“I wanted to,” You reply, not thinking twice about it. “I enjoy cooking for people. It’s fun. I normally just do it to feed myself, so it’s nice to share.”

He closes his eyes.

“Thanks.”

He’s afraid to look over at you, the excitement radiating off of you. It makes him uncomfortable that something so simple could make you so happy.

“Can you repeat that?”

“Don’t start.”

“Rin-chan,” You coo, immediately making him so embarrassed he wants to hit you “You’re so docile today.”

“I’m gonna kill you.” He says, hitting your shoulder as light as he can.

“Woah…how romantic. Dying on the day you were born? Jeez. I’m swooning.”

He looks at you blankly.

“Stop being gross. Where did you even get that from?”

“Too many things to count,” You say with a snap. He shakes his head.

“Is there anything I can help with?”

“How diligent. It’s fine! It’s your birthday, right? Sit. Eat some fruit. Pick out what you wanna do. I rented some games and there’s some movies I had in mind too. Make your agenda. “

Rin laughs to himself, lightly.

“Isn’t that supposed to be your job?”

“Don’t be stingy! I’m already making breakfast.”

Rin rolls his eyes.

“Yeah. Whatever.”

You end up back in Rin’s room.

After a healthy discussion about what he would like to do - Rin landed on wanting to do both. He picked out a copy of Resident Evil to play until after lunch and then decided to binge a bunch of movies after.

You even agree to accompany him while he practices. There’s 24 hours in a day and the plans are nothing more than vague suggestions - but deep down, it makes Rin kind of…well whatever. It’s not a bad plan.

Currently, you’re sitting at the foot of Rin’s bed with your hands tight around the controller of his PS4. Rin feels a little bad for you. While you do okay with horror movies, the immersion of horror games seems to frighten you enough that your eyes are glued onto the screen. As such, Rin is trying his best not to startle you as you lean forward every so slightly. The leg of your pants is pushed up just barely. You’re dressed cozy, so it’s funny seeing your head shrink into your hoodie.

“Why the fuck would you set it hardcore if this BOTH of our first times playing,” You whine, turning yourself into the next room carefully on screen “I’m scared.”

“You’re such a wuss,” He scoffs, leaning back from where he’s sitting next to you on his bed. “We’re never gonna make any progress like this.”

You stomp your feet and Rin resists the urge to laugh.

“Shut up, it’s scary.”

He nudges your shoulder with his knee.

“Stop complaining. You got to pick the character and I got to pick the difficulty.”

“I deserve to lust after Leon after the shit I’m getting put through,”

Rin scoffs at your declaration. The irritation is softened when you walk into the backroom faced with a zombie - a short scream leaving your lips as you mash buttons and use your gun to kill it quickly. You manage to dodge as much damage as you can, obviously trying not to waste limited resources. Even so it takes damn near 7 bullets. Despite your cowardice, you’re pretty good at the game.

You loot the room for any possible supplies then leave. You turn the corner of the isle, a zombie filled gas station awaiting you. You manage to save bullets and stun the one closest to you before getting your shit completely rocked - quick to duck out. The first cut scene of the game comes next where you meet the other main character Claire. You gasp like you’ve been running, shoving the controller towards Rin.

“Your turn. Move, I wanna sit on your bed.”

“Why?”

“Cause it’s a weekend and I have a right to be lazy. Shoo. On the floor.”

“You’re getting way too comfortable in my house on my birthday.”

Rin, does, go sit on the floor where you were. Mostly because it’s a better position to play the game in. At least it has minimal back support. The cut scene plays in the background, nothing difficult as the main characters go to the next area - the police station and the technical start of the game. Rin hasn’t played the remake, but he did longingly watch some playthroughs while he was in Bluelock during its release.

He had never mentioned it to you, so he was shocked you knew enough about it to bring it over. He likes survival horror and he was always wanting to play it.

“Me and your mom are best friends so I practically live here anyways. Also shut-up and look.”

He does shut up, too invested in the story to be annoyed. The main characters get separated and Leon ends up in the streets.

For whatever reason, he’s conscious about proximity. Your knee next to his shoulder. You’re close enough to touch him casually and he’s wondering…hoping to know if you’re naive enough to do it without thinking. It feels like a stroke of luck, or maybe a form of mind-reading when you reach for his hair with your fingers. He wonders if you’re doing it on purpose. He thinks he should tell you to stop.

But when you ask “Is this okay?”

He can’t find the strength in himself to do it. He focuses on the scene in front of him, weaving through the cars to shake off a horde of zombies. Rin grabs the controls, immediately turning around to try and stun a group of zombies before turning into the gate so he can head to the station.

His heart is racing and his eyes almost feel cross from how much he’s focusing but it’s not exactly the game. The game isn’t even that scary, as much as it’s gory he thinks.

“I don’t care but,” He says through a breath, trying to sound like he means it and that he’s not so conscious of the way your pinky lingers on his nape “when’d you get so touchy?”

“I like touching you.” You reply, twirling a strand of hair around your fingers “Your hair is so silky and nice. I felt when I gave you a hug that one time and I kept thinking about it.”

Rin wants to say “Do you think about me that much?” but the words don’t come out how he wants.

“Do you touch everyone like this?”

You’re silent for a minute. It takes patience, effort - not to turn his head to see the look on your face. Though he probably knows it. He thinks he just wants affirmation from you.

“...No. Not really. I just like you.”

There’s a beat of silence - a pause designated for his rejection, the promise he made to you so many months ago. He knows what the script is. And he’s said it many times before. Not in a million years, right?

But he can’t bring himself to say it this time, so he doesn’t.

“Yeah. I know.”

___

Before Rin knows it, the day is coming to a close.

The entirety of it you spend together, with you faithfully stuck to him and without Rin feeling entirely suffocated. He isn’t sure why it’s so easy with you. Normally this much socialization would render him exhausted. Irritable at best and angry at worst. But he’s not. In fact even after his entire workout routine, he felt fine listening to you ramble. He didn’t need complete silence, but even when there were lulls and dips - it didn’t feel uncomfortable.

You didn’t get far in Resident Evil 2. Rin decides to cut it short since it’d definitely take a lot longer than all the time you had and there were movies he wanted to watch. When you whine about not being able to finish - he quietly told you to just come over next time and play it with him then.

He waited a year, so he can wait a little longer. Your face lit up idiotically, giddy with delight at the promise of next time. As promised, ochazuke was for lunch and after 30 minutes of digestion - he put it out of his mind as he did his daily drills. You joined him, insisting that you’d be fine doing nothing. Sat on the field with a book the entire time even though it was cold, tossing him his things whenever he took a break - smiling each time he talked to you.

(“You know you don’t actually need to stay with me the entire day.” He reminds you of this as he brings a bottle of water to lips, sweat dripping down the side of his head even in the cool weather. You turn your head up at him.

“When else am I gonna get to stick by your side all day? This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.”

“You’re so good at being annoying it’s impressive,” He says, dropping his water bottle back down “Aren’t you bored?”

“Huh? No way. I have my fun book to keep me company and on top of that I get to see you play in the flesh.”

Oh, yeah. You mentioned watching him when he was in Bluelock. “Well, it’s not like a match. But I’m not gonna keep asking, so whatever.”

“Yes, yes - I understand. Now go, shoo.”)

Even though Rin practiced for his usually long amount of hours, you sat with him diligently - even stopping to cheer him on when you needed a break from reading or studying or whatever else you were doing.

Upon returning, he went to shower and you went to warm up in the kitchen. After he was redressed and clean, he joined you downstairs to order take-out and have dinner.

Finally, it’s after dinner and you’ve banished Rin to his room while you set something up downstairs. He’s mostly scrolling twitter, watching soccer highlights from the accounts he follows. He’s just about comfortable when you finally call him back down, which irritates him enough to click his teeth but not enough to bring it up to you.

After a long day, when Rin finally comes back down stairs, walking down into the hall and back into the living room - he can’t help but be surprised at the change in scenery. All the lights have been turned low, and everything looks different. You’ve taken to decorating a wall of his living room after some rearranging. A white sheet hanging up with something, and a plethora of fairy lights in stripes going down it in a nice pattern.

There’s a banner and it looks hand-made. It spells out happy birthday, rin in neat, thick blue letters on cut-out white shapes, attached along the back wall. On the table in front, there’s some decoration along with nice paper plates and plastic cutlery and a cake in the middle that’s nicer than he’s expecting.

You beam at him as he walks in. And you’re stupid enough to be wearing a birthday hat, giving him jazz hands as he enters.

“Happy birthday!”

On paper, Rin thinks it’s been something of a boring birthday. He did what he normally would do on a day off but you cooked for him twice. He spent most of it with you, even though it was a lot of nothing. A lot of being together like you were roommates or something. Maybe that's why he’s so reluctant to admit that this is making him feel something.

That the silly theatrics feel meaningful. It is thoughtful, isn’t it? Rin doesn’t think anyone in his entire life has done anything this thoughtful for him. Birthdays are birthdays, and they’ve never really been especially meaningful. He didn’t see the point in just celebrating the day of someone's birth. Certainly, he doesn’t think he’d have it in himself to do something like this for another person.

Rin stares at you. Wearing a stupid birthday hat and the most gleeful, idiotic smile he’s ever seen. All of this for a guy who’s rejected you, but you seem to cherish so much anyways. Apathetic and ungraceful as he is and always will be - he’s so overwhelmed he doesn’t know what to do. What a strange, unrecognizable feeling welling up inside of him. And not even one feeling, but so many so tangled with each other - he can’t see anything straight. His eyes aren’t drawn to the candlelight, or the moon, or the cake.

It’s like a sense of tunnel vision. Where all Rin can really look at is you. It’s happened before. How can anyone be like this, he wonders. Are there people born into the world so unselfishly? And if they are, why would he ever cross paths with them? How could someone so easy to love have any business loving him, in the first place?

Rin won’t ever understand you. He accepts that. He’ll never be able to understand this kind of person. Someone who shines even brighter than the sun.

But he’s not so stupid to not understand himself. He’s unable to say the words he’d promised to you all the way in April. Rin doesn’t like to lie.

He would be lying, that is, if you told him just one more time that you liked him. He’d be lying if it told you it’ll never happen. He’d be lying if he said he doesn’t like you. And it’s not just because you like him, because that never mattered to him in the first place.

Some people are made to be adored. Born special and bright like everything should revolve around them. Perhaps that kind of thing is only afforded to people without ego. With heart and character and charisma.

It doesn’t matter. What a stupid thing to realize on his birthday of all days.

“Rin-kun?”

He blinks.

“Where’d you hide all of this?”

You laugh at him, bubbly and delighted.

“I brought it in a tote and kept it in the kitchen. Mostly stuff from my house, and your mom helped with the cake and stuff. It’s nice right? I did a good job, no?”

Ah. He’s fucked.

“It looks okay.”

You frown, huffing and puffing “Just okay? C’mon, don’t be stingy.”

“Doesn’t begging for compliments defeat the purpose of them.”

“Not to me,”

Your frown deepens and Rin is starting to feel the rose colored glasses set in.

“It’s nice. It’s good.”

“So you like it? You’re happy? Delighted, even? Absolutely overjoyed by-”

“Cut it out or I’m going to send you home.”

“No,” You whine, tugging on his sleeves like you’re worried he really will “I want cake.”

“Then let’s cut the cake?”

“We can’t,” You put your arms up in a cross and Rin gives you a look of confusion. “I promised I’d get a good picture of you.”

“What? Promised who?”

“Your parents, mostly. But also, you should post on your Instagram a little more, no? You’re basically a famous player already, you should have the courtesy to feed your fans.”

Before he can do anything to protest, you usher Rin to sit on the other side of the table before you back with his phone. He stares at you but you only look at him expectantly. Still, he unlocks it and hands it to you. He gives you an irritated sigh (though he isn’t really irritated).

“This is stupid.”

“It’s a good thing to capture memories, you dummy. Now smile,” You say, holding up the camera after some angling “Or don’t. The people do love a good scowl.”

That makes him want to smile. He’s awkward in the photos but he does stay still for them, trying his best not to look ridiculous. You take a few, then pause to come up to the table and light the candles in front of him. He hears the camera shutter one more time before you look up at him over the edge.

“Ready to blow out your candles?”

“I guess.”

Before Rin can do anything about it, he listens to you sing happy birthday - poorly with too much enthusiasm. You’re tone deaf and passionate all at the same time - singing each word with a dramatic flair until you’re on the final word. You can’t clap because you’re recording but you do cheer as he burns the candles out. Once it’s over you stop recording, looking down and swiping through the pictures.

“They turned out good. You should post them.”

“...You’re done taking them?”

You tilt your head to one side.

“Yeah?”

“We didn’t get any together.”

Your eyes widen like he said something shocking.

“...You wanna take them together?”

He scoffs.

“We spent the whole day together.”

You flush, suddenly embarrassed and god.

“I just wasn’t expecting you to want that. I mean we’re friends but-”

“Shut up. And come here.”

So you do, phone still in hand as you mess with your appearance.

“Do you want to take it or do you want me to?”

“Oh, uh lemme just-” You go through a bunch of filters and find one before handing it to him, a nervous expression “You take it cause your arm is longer and you’re taller.”

Rin just nods. Takes the phone from you, and lets you pose a little before he takes the photo. He hands it back to you so you can see, and watches your eyes light up as you stare at it. Stupid.

“It came out nice.” You say. You save it onto his phone before handing it back to him. “Send it to me later?”

“Yeah.”

You give him another grin and Rin takes his phone from you, going through the pictures as he opens up Instagram. He guess it wouldn’t hurt to post. You leave his side, saying something about cutting the cake. But he isn’t looking, really.

He drafts a post as he waits for you. He likes the picture you took together best and decides to put it second. He never has any idea on how to caption these which is why he doesn’t want to post it in the first place. He glances at you, then sighs internally.

itoshirin._ posted for the first time in a while. posted 7 mins ago. liked by isagi_yoichi, bachiraaaaa, and others. itoshirin._ ; 09.09.2002. thanks for everything, stupid. isagi_yoichi commented: no way you’re getting a girlfriend before me. life is so unfair and cruel. isagi_yoichi commented: oh happy birthday btw bachiraaaaa commented: RIN-CHAN !!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶ official_itoshisae: happy birthday. itoshirinsnumberonefan: WHO IS THAT?? yo_hiori: happy birthday!

“Rin, I cut the cake!”

He puts his phone on DND before taking a plate of cake from your hand.

The clock strikes two, and you’re still at Rin’s place.

After a long binge of horror movies, you’re both comfortably in each other's space - only inches away, talking about nothing. The movie ended a little over half an hour ago.

He’s still doing just that, listening to you chatter away next to his ear. The room is completely dark minus the soft glow of the T.V. which gives just enough light for Rin to gaze at your face. Your eyes are wide and sparkly, still, even though it seems like the tiredness is getting to you too.

Neither of you wants to stop talking. You’ve started discussing manga - particularly Rin's favorite manga.

“Ciguatera was interesting,” You say, hugging one of his pillows close to your chest. “I wasn’t sure what to expect.”

“I’m shocked you read it. Seriously. I thought you would’ve forgotten the minute after I told you.”

“Well, yeah. You recommended it, so obviously I wanted to at least try,” You say with a breathless laugh, turning over to face him. You’re facing each other, he realizes a second too late “You’re such a boy, by the way. Weekly young magazine? Really.”

“Shut up.” He says, with no real bite to his words “What were you expecting?”

“Dunno. Didn’t think you were interested in romance of all things. Especially cause Ogino’s kind of a loser.”

“There was other stuff in it.” He points out. You chuckle.

“Yeah. Way raunchier and darker than I thought. But it was mostly about romance. So, I was surprised to say the last.”

“What,” Rin starts, partially offended by the implication “Do you think I'm a soulless machine or something?”

“Well no,” You frown, shaking your head as you stare at him “But you’ve rejected every confession you’ve ever gotten, even from some of the prettiest girls in our entire grade. So I didn’t think you had any interest in that kinda thing.”

He scoffs.”You’re stupid.”

“You tell me all the time,” You point your fingers and place them under your chin. “Why did you reject them, by the way? Just trying to focus on soccer?”

He feels flush, explaining. Turning his gaze to the ceiling, he sighs.

“None of those people actually had feelings for me. It wasn’t meaningful in any way.”

“And you want it to be meaningful?”

“There’s no point being in a relationship with someone I don’t like and barely know. And who doesn’t really care to get to know me. I’m busy enough with soccer, and I don’t have time to entertain lukewarm relationships like that.”

“What an unexpectedly sentimental reason. How soft of you Rin-kun.”

“Shut up.”

There’s a pause of thoughtful silence where you hum and lay flat on your back, reaching your hand up towards the ceilings. Rin can’t do much more than look.

“You know. How I said I’ve been watching you since you were in Bluelock?”

“Yeah.”

“Y’know. I always thought you looked really sad back then. I might’ve been reading too much into it but,” You smile, corners of your lips upturned while you giggle “It’s like…weirdly relieving to see you like this.”

“Like what?”

“You’re like…just a boy,” You say wispy and delighted “A normal boy who reads shitty raunchy magazines and thinks about love. It’s comforting somehow. Makes me feel special. I really like you. A little more every day, it feels like.”

Another beat of silence. He thinks you can sense the hesitance of his rejection. There’s such a tangible shift in the atmosphere. If Rin stretches his hand out to touch it, he thinks he’d push through an impossible barrier and keep falling in it forever. He thinks it would swallow him.

He isn’t sure what it is. If it’s an act of bravery, or a sudden uptick in adrenaline, or if the exhaustion of a long day is finally starting to hit. Maybe it’s just these feelings that keep overwhelming him that make his body move. Something outside of his mind, nestled in his ribs, that has him inching closer to you.

He flips until he’s hovering over you. Your eyes widen and you stare at him. He stares back, like he almost can’t believe himself.

“Rin-kun?”

And he freezes. The confidence dissipates as soon as he finds it but now he’s above you, on top of you. You’re messy and flush from the day. Your mascara is smudged and your lipgloss is gone - leaving a faint sheen on your mouth that matches your skin. Your hoodie is rumpled around the shoulders - one of the sleeves pulled to your elbows. Rin really gets a look at you. Cognizant of the fact he spent all day with you. That’s why you look worn and sleepy and so unbelievably cute. So cute it annoys him. Irritates him half to death.

You open your mouth again, only to close it. It almost feels like he can hear your heart. Or maybe it’s his. It’s hard to know the difference.

“Is this a n-new kind of bullying?” You joke, trying to ease the tension. He frowns at you.

“Does it seem like I’m joking?”

Your eyes widen and you turn away. Rin wants to make you look.

“Well no but…” And you squirm a little “what are you doing?”

He doesn’t know, either.

“I don’t know.” He admits, and you laugh a little breathless and the tension is so thick Rin can’t swallow around it “I want to kiss you.” He blurts out. Awkward and uncharismatic and clumsy.

A bout of silence.

“...Am I going insane? Did you just say you want to kiss me?”

“I did.”

More silence.

“Why? Wouldn’t that make me your first kiss?”

“It would.”

“And isn’t that like… reserved for your special someone?”

“It is.”

“Rin-kun,” You breathe out, blinking in disbelief “Do you even know what you’re saying?”

“I do.”

You’re a little more serious this time. You put your hand on his shoulder. He feels like the Earth is gonna fall from under his feet.

“Stop messing with me.”

“I’m not.”

You frown.

“Do you really want to kiss me?”

“Yeah,” He can’t think “I do.”

You reach up for him. You’re more experienced with this kind of thing and it shows as you cup the nape of his neck. He doesn’t finch. He doesn’t look away from you either, as your thumb brushes under his eyes - the both of you so wrapped up in each other nothing matters. Rin would stay in this forever, if someone gave him the option.

“W-we have to talk about this afterwards, okay?”

“Okay.”

“I’m serious, Itoshi Rin. Because you can’t just—”

Your palm cups his cheek and he rubs against it instinctively. He sees your eyes widen and you swallow - a frown still etched into your features.

“I know. I’m sorry.”

Your voice goes as soft as a whisper.

“You’re so unfair.”

He almost laughs.

“Please kiss me.” He asks, so silently it almost goes unheard but he knows you hear it because your lips press into a thin line before you’re pulling Rin down towards you. Your lips are soft. And warm. And they taste faintly like whip-cream and the slight sour of strawberries and your hands are so gentle. Somehow he feels at ease even though he feels like he’s going to implode on himself from nerves.

Just a little deeper before you pull away and stare at him. Rin looks back, eyes jumping from your lips up to your eyes and back down to your lips. You open your mouth to say something. Mumbling his given name only for him to cut you off with another kiss, a little deeper this time. The way it shuts you up is so cute it almost makes him angry. How it muffles your words, tapers off into a noise of surprise and ends up just back at a kiss.

He’s never felt like this kind of thing was a viable option. Itoshi Rin is an antisocial, angry, and apathetic soccer protege and he has no time in the world for anything lukewarm. He’s rejected every confession he’s ever received in his life and always thought of relationships as something far off and disconnected to him in his entirety.

Perpetually unloveable but maybe not in such an angsty, vulnerable way. Like a law of the universe. A truth, like thinking of him, means to postulate that he is that way. A prerequisite to understanding him.

Rin doesn’t like things that are half-ass. Perhaps, part of the reason he likes you so much is because you’ve proved him wrong in such an utterly defeating way. The fact your very existence is by and large, the antithesis of this truth.

Itoshi Rin is not only loveable, but he is capable of loving. There is evidence of it, right underneath him now - with soft lashes and wet eyes and the brightest smile that could ever exist.

And it’s haunting for more reasons than one. But he likes how unyielding the revelation is. You’re worried he’ll want to avoid it, and he does. But he doesn’t think he could forever, even if he tried.

He’s confident if he made the attempt, you’d come barreling towards him once more. With all the confidence in the world. It makes him want to at least try to face it.

Which is why he’s kissing you a second, third, and fourth time. Which is why he’s looking at you in between, wide blue eyes transfixed on every part of your face. He’s trying to face what daunts him most, not like but love and the difference is more important as the days pass.

You pull away, finally - put a hand on his chest and stare.

“Rin-kun,” You whisper, uncertain of yourself which he hates. “I like you. I really like you.” And again, a little softer “And I want you to like me too,” Like that had been the biggest secret of all. Something you’d never told anyone, even once.

Rin can’t imagine it. Have you been holding in something like this all this time? He only realized a couple hours ago and it already feels like he’s going to rip apart at the seams.

“I do. I do like you.”

“Really? Forreal? Seriously? You’re not pulling my leg? Yanking my chain?”

He knocks his forehead against yours.

“Be quiet. How can you be this stupid in the middle of getting confessed to?”

You pout. Pout at him, all whiny. God.

“It doesn’t feel real to me.”

He laughs humorlessly. “It’s all a dream. You’ll forget it all in the morning.”

“Stop being mean to me.”

He has to be. If he’s not you’re going to see right through him.

“No,” He says instead “Stop being so ridiculous first.”

“An impossible ask to the world's most ridiculous girl.”

He smiles a little.

“That’s a good name for you. I’ll change your contact.”

“Nooo,” You say again, this time pulling him down for a hug. His eyes widened. And he’s unfair? “Be nice to your girlfriend.”

He doesn’t have anything to say to that. It flusters him too, admittedly. Before he can think of a counter, you yawn big and wide. Rin is still on top of you and neither of you have brushed your teeth. He was planning on putting you up in the guest room, but currently you’re clinging to him half-away. And he has no such plans of telling you to move.

“I’m so tired.”

Rin feels like he’s going to pass out, He mumbles.

“You can sleep.”

“Want you to sleep too.”

Rin closes his eyes. He couldn’t refuse even if he wanted to. You’ll have to talk about it in the morning.

“Okay.”

“Rin? Where’s your frie—oh!”

Rin stirs the minute his mom enters the room. It only takes him a minute to regain consciousness and by the time he’s awake - he’s already regretting not locking his door.

He continues to pretend to be asleep. He thinks you still are because you’re comfortably slotted in his arms. Rin is so embarrassed he wants to die. He hears his mom gasp, and then quietly shouts for his father to come to his room.

“What are you—oh.”

Rin is going to have the worst morning of his life whenever they leave. He remains still. He hears the shutter of a camera and grits his teeth all the way in the back of his jaw.

“Oh this will make a great wedding photo.”

His dad laughs a little to himself, ushering his mother out of the room “Don’t get carried away,”

When the door finally clicks, Rin opens his eyes and lets out a breath of relief. Much to his shock, he also feels you stir. His eyes widen when you turn to him, your face painted in utter mortification before you bury it in your hands. He stares at you as you groan, kicking your feet.

“Oh god I’m going to cry. How am I going to face her? Oh my god”

Rin scoffs a little at your dramatics. It calms him down in a strange way “She’s not gonna say anything to you. She’s probably only going to bully me about it.”

“I’ve forsaken you, mother-in-law”

Rin nudges your ribs, blush crawling up his face.

“Shut up.”

Up until three weeks ago, Rin didn’t take issue with the way you interacted at school.

You two have a pretty strict policy about it. Though you’re in the same class and you chat occasionally in the halls - you tend to avoid Rin where you can. Originally, this made sense. For the sake of his comfort and yours, the best choice was sneaking to the roof together to eat where you could remain mostly undisturbed.

As such, Rin has never been particularly consciousness of your presence in the classroom. For starters, you’re always somewhere. A busybody of the highest pedigree and always running errands - even if Rin were to try to talk to you he can only really find you 20 percent of the time. Secondly, unlike Rin, you have a handful of friends surrounding you. Rin has interacted with them very briefly but you (seemingly for his sake) try not to force him out of his comfort zone too much by making you all sit together. The most Rin has gotten from them is a single knowing smirk or glance.

And lastly, before three weeks ago, it would’ve been a big problem if people started getting onto either of you about a relationship that didn’t exist. That would've been all around awkward and uncomfortable and maybe would’ve deterred your future endeavors with other guys.

That was when you and Itoshi Rin were in fact not dating.

Three weeks into your relationship and nothing much has changed, though nowadays you come over to his house on weekends where you can. You’ve even been on one date after his dad (of all people) hounded him about never taking you on a proper one.

You text the same as you did before, and you call Rin a little more often. Usually for the purposes of rambling so much you tucker yourself out and fall asleep.

But at school, Rin only really sees you for the spare minutes of lunch and not much more than that. He’s never really thought about it before. It was never enough of an issue to warrant his intervention.

It’s not like he cares, okay?

But he’s more aware of it, now - frustratingly enough. You really don’t see each other often enough in school and you have many more guy friends than he had ever considered before. Every time he catches you and Murata-senpai trekking down the hall he feels his blood pressure rise.

You and Rin have both decided, though. Despite his posting of you, neither of you have confirmed the relationship. Rin is immune to the prying and you’re good at dodging it altogether. This is the agreement.

It is therefore very irrational of him to be thinking of speaking up at this current moment in time.

Despite your mutual decision to keep things as private as possible, Rin has heard nothing but gossip about the situation for weeks. Outside of the usual, direct kind of prying - there’s whispers and stares and all sorts of other things. Rin doesn’t care about it. He’s used to it, it’s part of the gig and the neo-egoist league made him near immune.

It’s all the things directed at you that make him seethe. Misplaced jealousy and the disappointed remarks of guys in class that make him feel like his blood pressure is rising. The latter is what’s making him most irritated now. How fucking long are these idiots going to talk about this?

“Dude, you had like three years to confess,” Some idiot, who’s name Rin doesn’t know is still yapping “If she’s actually dating Mr.Popular then it’s on you for fucking yourself over.”

The other idiot in question groans, and Rin forces his face to remain impassive as he listens. He tries to stop listening. More than once, actually. But they just keep going.

“I didn’t think he’d actually do it dude. Like there’s no way, right? He rejected every single girl who ever confessed to him. I thought she was safe. And now my highschool love is forever ruined.”

Like he ever stood a chance. How ridiculous.

Another one of the goons speaks up “Dunno. Neither of them have said anything right? You miss all of the shots you don’t take.”

“Are you saying I should just confess to her anyway? She got posted on his Instagram dude.”

A smirk appears on Extra Three’s face “No confirmation means fair game. Stop being pussy and do it.”

“You think I stand a chance against that dude?”

Rin can feel all three pairs' eyes hit him at once.

“Nah. Not a chance. But you could always wait till she’s all heartbroken and comfort her, right? Hook, line, and sinker.”

“I hear when girls are heartbroken they’re like way more likely to let you—”

With that, Rin stands to his feet. He’s seething. It’s ridiculous. It’s stupid. He should definitely just leave to go cool his head but he’s so fucking angry it’s hard to sit still and he has no other way of dealing with his feelings. So he walks towards the table slowly, eyes darkened and just barely holding it in

He knows this is a bad idea. He can feel the whole classroom look at him as he slams his hand down on the desk. But he doesn’t care. He’ll deal with it later.

“You’d be fucking lucky if my girlfriend ever looked your way.”

As soon as Rin says it, there's a thud at the door-way of the classroom. When he looks up you’re there with your eyes widened. Rin just looks back, impassive and immune to the sudden uproar of whispers.

He only clicks his teeth when you grab him by the sleeve of his uniform - cracking a small smile as he hears the faint words “Just give up dude.” as he leaves.

Up on the roof top, you’re shaking Rin by the shoulders - visibly distressed.

“Hey! What the hell was that?”

“What.” He offers, not willing to budge on the situation. In the first place he’s a little irritated by all of it. And he’s a little irritated by how much you’ve been enforcing the no-talking rule. Right now, it really feels like he can’t take it anymore.

You frown deeply, distress only growing as the time passes in uncomfortable silence. Rin doesn’t want to be civil about it. About it and about you and about those idiots.

“We had an agreement!” You say, grabbing him by the front of his shirt, though it’s weak. He stares down at you.

“So what?”

“Rin, we talked about this. Don’t be like this.”

“Like what.”

“Pissy and weird. You’re being weird and I don’t like it. It’s making me sad.”

“How am I being—”

Before Rin can proceed with his sentence, he catches a glimpse of your face in the midst of his tantrum. Sad like a puppy who got its tail stepped on and about ready to cry, he immediately seals his mouth in fear of making it worse.

“Why are you doing that?” He spits.

“Doing what?”

“Being all sad and pathetic. Does it really bother you that much if people know we’re dating?”

“It’s not like that.” You assure.

“Then what is it?” Rin prods, frustrated but not wanting to make things worse “Why is it such a big deal?”

There’s a bout of silence before you sigh.

“Rin, you’re a huge soccer player. The people you’re dating and stuff - it’s a big deal,”

Rin cuts you off.

“That’s what you were worried about? My career?”

“Well, yeah.”

“You’re stupid.”

“Hey! I’m seriously worried about it and then you go and—”

He gives you a frown. He forgets all too often you’re like this. He’s used to your silly and unserious way of talking, so it slips his mind that you’re actually a massively responsible person. You probably have a point about it, thinking of the consequences of your relationship through hell and back. With a detached sense of rationality - Rin can recognize that you’re probably thinking about more things than this. Otherwise it wouldn’t be so touchy of a subject.

Nothing’s changed on paper, but everything will eventually. It’s something to think about, admittedly.

Honestly Rin doesn’t care what strangers think. He’s blunt and unfriendly. Always has been, and will continue to be through the majority of his career he’s absolutely sure. Even outside of Bluelock, he has almost no regard for the opinions of other people and what concerns them. Maybe it’s irresponsible, but Rin isn’t playing soccer for the approval of the populace and nothing will ever change that.

“If I thought that was something I should worry about, we wouldn’t be dating.”

You look up at him.

“You should be worried about it.” You emphasize.

“I’m not. I don’t care what any of those people think.”

“Then why’d you go and say something?”

Rin seethes.

“They deserved it.”

Your hand reaches for his cheek. He pauses and takes a deep breath, staring at you. He leans into your touch instinctively, frustration eased by the sensation. You stare back.

“Okay. We’ll announce it officially later, then.”

“Do we even need to do that? If you tell three people, half of our grade’ll find out anyway.”

“Are you saying my friends gossip?”

He doesn’t reply to that. You pout at him and Rin fights the urge to kiss you. There’s a beat of silence as you give him a hug - the two of you on the same roof you always are. Rin doesn’t mind it, wrapping his arms loosely around your waist.

“You know, it’s gonna get busy for me soon.” You mumble. So this is what else you were worrying about. “And for you. I have my entrance exam and the school is in Tokyo. And you’re gonna go back to Bluelock and—”

“It’ll be fine.”

“I’m worried about it anyways.”

“About what?”

“I’ll see you less. What if you stop liking me randomly and I can’t even hunt you down about it?”

Rin huffs “You’re insane enough to find me,” He drops his chin on your shoulder “Plus you talk to my mom.”

“You’re gonna be so busy.”

“I’ll come see you when I’m not.”

“And you’re going to be surrounded by the human equivalent of siren women someday soon.”

“I don’t care about that.”

“But you might.”

“I haven’t in eighteen years, you moron.”

“I’m gonna miss you all the time.” You say, sniffly and Rin is so struck with a feeling of affection he almost falls “I already miss you all the time.”

He squeezes you a little tighter “It’ll be fine.”

“For you.”

Rin furrows his brow, pulling back to stare at you.

“Not for me,” Because Rin can begrudgingly admit he will miss you worse than this “Just in general. It’ll be fine. You almost made it a year without me.”

“But now I’m with you,” You reply easily, and softly and oh-so in love Rin wants to turn away “And I’m so happy and I want it be like this for a long time,”

“Just a long time? Not something stupid like a blossoming eternity?”

“I thought I’d scare you.”

“You did that in April.” He points out flatly. You hit him lightly but smile anyway.

“It’s a problem how much I like you.”

Rin likes you just as much. You’re probably too much of an idiot to realize and won’t for a long while. He takes a little comfort in, strangely.

“It’ll be fine. I’ll come see you.” He says again, because it’s the only thing he can think to say. He believes in it thoroughly. If Rin were a better, more candidly vulnerable person he thinks now he’d give the loving boyfriend speech. He almost wants to half-assedly try but can’t bring himself to get past the awkwardness. He hugs you tighter because it’s all he’s capable of, and hopes he can will it into you. The sincerity of his words, he wants so badly for them to reach you “Stop worrying so much.”

“Rin-kun,” You start, then pause to look up at him. His breath hitches “Rin. I love you. Really.”

He feels like he’s gonna be sick as he stares at you, eyes widened. You look the same as you always do. Unexpectant, terribly sincere, with your heart on your sleeve. The more Rin knows you, the more he thinks it can’t be easy to be so vulnerable all the time.

So you do it for him, and only him. And Rin is always going to be intolerable. Frustrating and impatient. But he wants to do it for you too, where he can. Rin wants you to know it’ll be fine because the fact that you’re standing here now is nothing short of a miracle. Nothing comes out right.

“Yeah.” He says, but he can’t get the rest of words out. And you laugh, and peek up at him through your lashes.

“And you love me too, don’t you?”

Rin grits his teeth. He wants to say no.

“I guess.”

“And we’re going to be just fine.” You repeat, hugging him tight. Rin hugs you back. He wants to say thank you. He wants to kiss you stupid and make fun of you at the same time. He wants you so much and so often he’s sure he’s lost his fucking mind.

But he agrees with you, at least. He nods. He holds you. He doesn’t like to lie, so he looks at you instead.

“Yeah. It’s gonna be fine.”

EPILOGUE ;

In Rin’s defense, he’s not trying to listen in on the conversions of your underclassmen.

For starters, the club door is cracked up and Rin only has one airpod fully charged. Secondly, it’s not like they’re being quiet. Rin’s pretty sure anyone with decent enough hearing could hear them from down the hall. Given that it’s the newspaper club, he’s sure that the conversation isn’t usually this interesting.

It’s just when he catches wind of your name while you’re nowhere to be found, he finds himself eavesdropping just a little. He leans back into the chair he’s sitting in, face tucked into his black mask and hat pulled neatly over his head.

“Guys, I’ve decided I’m going to confess to Boss no matter what.”

He must mean you. Rin often hears how some of the people in the club affectionately add danchou to the end of your name. Rin scoffs a little at the kids' confidence. It reminds him a little of highschool. Rin really think you’re at more of a risk than he is. Being a celebrity makes him naturally unattainable - more of a fixture than a person.

Everytime someone confesses to you though it’s sincere. From knowing you. And he gets it but it doesn’t keep him from scoffing and turning his nose up.

“It’d be a good idea to give up while you’re ahead.” Says another unnamed voice.

“Yeah Nakao-san. Do you even know who Senpai's boyfriend is?”

“N-no. But it doesn’t matter. Through the powerful of love I’ll—”

Before Rin gets a chance to listen anymore, he hears your voice call out for him. He snaps his head up to look at you. You’re dressed so professionally it’s hard to recognize you like that. Your hair is cut neat and styled professionally and you’re dressed in business casual. He’s relieved he brought shoes for you to change into.

You run up to him anyway, and Rin stands up to make sure you don’t stumble as you throw your arms around his neck. You’re closer in height with your heels on so he doesn’t have to bend down much at all to kiss you. He pulls down his mask quickly.

“Rin-tan, you’re here.” You say with a soft, breathless giggle “I missed youuu.”

“Missed you too,” He says, an arm squeezed around your waist “I have shoes for you in the car,”

You gasp, rubbing your cheek against his affectionately.

“You’re the best in the world. My feet are so sore.”

“Did the interview go well?” Rin asks. You pull away, moving your hair away from your eyes before nodding.

“Uh-huh. The women's rugby team captain is super chill and she interviews great so it went smoothly. I just need to drop the transcript off and then we can leave,” You say holding his hand. He squeezes your palms “Do you want to meet them? You don’t have to but a lot of them ask about you.”

Normally Rin would say no. But he’s feeling a little petty today, after all.

“Sure.”

You beam, your hand in his as you nudge the door open. The room goes silent, a bout of excited cheering following at your return. He’s relieved to see you’re still so well loved, a little reluctant to let go of your hand.

“Senpai, you’re back.”

“Yup, yup. I have the transcript and recording on this USB. Watch it and draft the article up tonight. When I come in tomorrow, we’ll go through editing and get it out by Monday.” You say, hand on hip before remembering his presence. You grab him and Rin follows “Oh, and guys - this is my boyfriend! Rin Itoshi.”

Most of them seem to know. Rin can sense the admiration but it’s respectful. He can tell that everyone is professionals in the field. Rin likes that. He bows politely.

“Nice to meet everyone,”

“Nice to meet you too, Itoshi-san.”

“Danchou…you’re dating Rin Itoshi…the famous soccer player Rin Itoshi?”

You giggle, looping your arm in Rin’s. He laughs internally. It’s the same kid who wanted to confess to you.

“Uh-huh. We’re highschool sweethearts! And today is our very special date night so don’t contact me for any reason until tomorrow morning at least. I’ll see you guys later.”

“Bye, senpai.”

“Have fun on your date.”

With that, you turn the corner and leave the room - immediately beginning to ramble about your day. Rin half-listens. He only pays complete attention when he hears your kouhais talking from down the hall.

“Told you to give up, dude.”

“Rin. Are you paying attention?”

He chuckles to himself.

“Yeah. Sorry.”

❁ a/n ; hello!! me again. first of alll, if you read through this whole fic, thank you so much. second of all i want to discuss a few things about this fic.

im usually pretty keen on localization for my fics where possible because i think it makes for a smoother reader experience - however the usage of honorifics was important to the atmosphere for this one so i'll hope it wasn't too awkward to read.

secondly, im nervous about rins characterization for this one so i hope it was alright. apologies for any errors its 5am and im soo tired.

this fic was mostly meant as an exploration of how i think rin would really benefit from being with someone eccentric and bubbly. the core of their relationship is that reader is an overall emotionally intelligent and honest person and how that has a huge influence on rin so i hope that growth came thru. once again thanks for reading and i hope u enjoyed. rbs and tags always appreciated!

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otomelife · 1 month

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The human girl and her guard dog

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otomelife · 1 month

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please please please come back you are possibly one of the best obm writers and trust me i have gone through ALL ao3, tumblr and wattpad. i know what i am talking about trust me 😭😭😭🙏🙏

Strangely enough I am working on something anon! So I am coming back I just need...ideas... In the meanwhile though please do check out @books-and-catears! I've been getting back into OM and they are half responsible for bringing me back !

God maybe I should open up requests...is anybody even in this fandom anymore? But because you are so sweet I'm gonna leave this! Have you ever had a little cut? Well not to fear, your prideful demon Lucifer has got his special disinfectant right here~

You sigh and put your hand over your neck once again, Lucifer coming up behind you as you sigh and lean forward so you can look at your face in the mirror.

“…I don’t know why I’m being a klutz all of a sudden.”

Lucifer wouldn’t call you a klutz, you were just distracted. You had looked rather lovely tucked in with your head stuck in a book that you had most likely not measured the amount of strength you were putting into your hand. So no, not a klutz–but certainly one step away from getting into yet another tiny accident. He smiles when he sees your pout and reaches for the hand around the back of your neck.

“Surely you shouldn’t be feeling down over a little scratch. Here, let me see–”

Your hand remains firm on your neck, even if his fingers were tucking inside so that he could start pulling it away.

“No no it’s fine--you have a lot of work. I’ll go grab a bandaid or something.”

He can feel you jump when his hand goes to your waist, keeping you in place as his other hand starts tugging down the small barrier you had made for yourself.

“MC. Let me see.”

You knew better than to argue with that voice, Lucifer had made it a priority to condition you and the rest of his brothers to always listen to this tone. It meant that if he had to repeat himself again, it would come with a very harsh punishment. With a sigh, you let him pull your hand away from your neck as your eyes look down at your feet, letting Lucifer see whatever damage you had unconsciously made

And it was–-mild.

The cut was most likely from the RAD badge that they needed to wear on the school uniform, Lucifer had seen you toss your jacket on rather haphazardly whenever you needed to run out of the House of Lamentation when you were late…it was most likely caused by that. Yet what had his attention wasn’t the cut–it was the little indentation of blood that had begun to pool up on the back of your neck.

“…Is...Is it bad?”

When was the last time he had seen human blood? He could probably count the time in millenia. It wasn’t necessarily new to him either–human blood was just human blood, after all. It was used in demon summoning rituals a long time ago. Whoever had wished to make a deal would offer up a hefty amount of their blood just to conjure their presence. No, what made this little sliver of blood so delici–special–was that it was yours. Human blood tastes metallic to your fellow kin, but demon’s had a different sort of palate.

“Not bad no…”

He pulls your hand by the wrist so your fingers go to his lips, letting his tongue trace the single drop of blood that was threatening to roll down your finger, greedily tasting the flavor of his Master's blood. There's no hesitation in his steps when he opens his mouth, pressing your finger against his tongue and closing his lips around it before you could even react. Another greedy suck, a cheeky smile and a hand that refused to let go of your wrist.

“But it should be disinfected right away.”

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otomelife · 1 month

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Rukiora

Ishida posted on Twitter another winter play backstory for Mitsuki's birthday, July 14, 2023. The post includes a drawing and a music link. I did my best an amateur to translate it into English. Minor play spoilers.

Not much has been spoken about Rukushio. What her family had was uncountable wealth, even among people in Havenna, But she hated the lewd family business.

What she hated were lies, The baseless lies her father always told her.

What she hated was that father. However wonderful a place Havenna was, However much power he had, however remarkable a person, She despised her passionately-spoken father from the depths of her heart.

What she lacked was a mother. The outside world was far too wonderful; This is why she left Havenna for good, her father said. It was all his fault.

When she asked which was more wonderful, the outside world or Havenna, He answered it was Havenna. She grew to hate him more and more.

What she loved were songs. They reminded her of the mother who completely left her.

What she changed was her name. Exaggerated in her mind, she hated that her name echoed similarly to his. Somehow, by adding the 'la' in "Luxiola (Rukiora)", It turned all songlike. She was utterly taken with this.

What she lacked were friends. Her hands were already full in her own little world. What she didn't know was love. Someday soon. What she did was sing to make a living. There was something a bit painful about using what she loved to earn money.

After all that, Despite hating the lies, hating her father, What was it that that made her continue to believe only his stories of the outside world?

(Neji's P.S./ Rukiora doesn't need much backstory probably. When it comes to Havenna, she knows barely anything at all.)

Note: Ishida left his usual disclaimer that him writing these on his own is like a 2D work by a 1D artist and that only the game Towada and him worked closely on together is considered canon. Towada retweeted the thread. He also always leaves a little congrats at the end, presumably like a "Happy Birthday" message.

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otomelife · 1 month

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FULL-LENGTH JACK JEANNE COMIC/DOUJINSHI TRANSLATION!

Please give it a read!!!

Title: “Baka ni Nattemo ii Kashira”/ “Is it Alright to Lose my Mind?”

Arist: Etta/Lollin

Translation: Me!

Link: Here! (NOTE: PLEASE MAKE SURE IMAGES ARE SORTED BY “OLDEST” and click on them to view them in full size.)

Please be aware of spoilers for Neji’s route!

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otomelife · 1 month

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Mitsuki Shirota's Short Story

On the official Japanese Jack Jeanne website, there's a page of full of concept art and short stories for each major character (as well as stories for every character + Kisa). They were written by Shin Towada (primary writer of the game and Ishida's sister) and the art is by Ronin (also did concept art for Nier, Pokemon, Fire Emblem).

I thought it would be cute to post translations on each character's birthday. Since they were written as promo material, spoilers are quite minimal (mostly around the first performance). I tried to keep the original notebook aesthetic and dialogue colour-coding to post on Twitter, but I'm posting a regular text version here for better accessibility.

As if he were observing the ever-fluctuating world through a pane of glass, he always kept his distance. "It's already been a year since we were on stage at the Newcomer's Performance, huh?" He heard those words while in class at the beginning of lunch period. It wasn't that big a deal. The topic should have ended with that one disruptive statement, but it captured the attention of the Univeil Drama School second-year students. Voices of shared nostalgia all piled on top of each other.

"A lot has changed since then, huh? For us and for the ones in other classes too." "I didn't think Sugachi would become the Al Jeanne of Onyx. He's so reserved." "And in Rhodonite, Minorikawa is likely their Jack Ace yeah? It's probably tough being a Jack Ace over there." People always brought up the same names to represent the second-year class.

"Shirota became a tresor like we all expected too." The moment that name was said, the Quartz second years turned their eyes to him. They're so annoying.

Sitting in a chair, chin in his hands, Mitsuki Shirota looked over his sheet music. He remembered something even more clamorous than the noisy stares of a crowd. Shirota was a second-year Quartz student, same as them. The term 'tresor' was reserved only for Jeannes with strong vocal talent. Combined with his unmistakably Jeanne-like facial features, he drew notice from people around him. But their unrestrained gaze was not something he enjoyed.

Shirota raised his head and looked directly at them to catch their stares. His calm expression suddenly turned sharp. Crumbling under the impact, the students hurriedly averted their eyes. "W-well, our grade sure has a lot of talented people, huh?" Avoiding the topic of this interaction, they resumed their conversation. But Shirota knew this discussion would be pointless. He took his sheet music in hand and stood up.

"But y'know… it's because 'that guy' is here." The end of these conversations was always the same. "The moment I saw that guy on stage at last year's Newcomer's Performance, I lost all hope." The cheery atmosphere immediately turned and a heavy air permeated the classroom. "As long as that guy is here, us in the 77th class are…" Shirota and the other second-years were part of the 77th class year in the history of Univeil Drama School. And in that 77th class, everyone had been cursed by the existence of just one person. This doesn't just apply to our class though, does it? It affected the third-years in the 76th class and the first-years in the 78th class too.

Leaving the classroom, he closed the door as if to shut out everything. It's pointless

He fled the group's vortex and went to the terrace next to the Univeil school building. This place, covered in vibrant plants mixed with the smell of flowers, enveloped him in a peaceful atmosphere Siiigh Shirota released a big breath from deep in his lungs, sat on the bench, and opened his sheet music. The Newcomer's Performance vocal section. It was a performance for the newly enrolled first-years to be in lead roles, but Shirota and the other older students would be on stage as well. The duty to support the first-years seemed burdensome to him. Staring at his music sheet, he began to play the song in his head to see the shape of it. Huh?

Suddenly the song was scrambled by noisy footsteps in the distance. Going this way and that, the sound started moving towards Shirota. "Oh, it's Shirota! Working hard today!" Echoing even louder than the footsteps, that clear voice penetrated the ears he was trying to cover. The one who came to greet him with the sunny face to match his personality was the brand new Jack of Quartz, Suzu Orimaki. He had barely just enrolled and was in Shirota's class. "Shut up." "O-oh! My bad!" After being smacked with this unreasonable anger, Suzu sincerely apologized. He didn't avert his eyes the way the students in Shirota's grade did. Shirota's eyes relaxed. "What are you looking around for? The other ones in your grade?" "Whoa, how did you know bro?!" "You're being too loud." "Oh, my bad!" Seeing Suzu quickly cover his mouth, Shirota let out a breath. "I knew because you were wandering all over the place. You're probably looking for Yonaga." Suzu nodded and opened his mouth, "I promised to run lines with those guys on the terrace." He took care to lower his tone of voice a bit, although strangely his voice still reverberated. "…You're with the other first-years a lot huh?" In competition for the good roles with others in their grade, there was often a lot of friction early in the school year. A friction that continued all the way up until graduation in some cases. Images of students in his year flashed in the back of Shirota's mind. "Yeah, they're great guys," Suzu answered with a smile that showed no trace of conflict. "Hmm," Shirota responded vaguely. "Well, sorry for bugging you! I'll be going now!" Suzu gave a short nod and ran off.

As his footsteps faded into the distance, the quiet returned. "…He sure is an energetic one eh?" As if waiting for the right moment, another presence appeared. "Fumi." "Yo." How long had he been there? Without disturbing the quiet, Sarafumi Takashina, the Al Jeanne of Quartz, showed himself. As Shirota was a Jeanne himself, this was the person directly above him. "Kuro would get so excited seeing you talking to the younger students." "Please stop…" The person Fumi called 'Kuro' was the leader of Quartz, Kokuto Neji. He fit in with the rest of those prodigy guys, but to Shirota he was just a bothersome senior. Seeing Shirota make an upset face from deep in his heart, Fumi chuckled. He stood next to Shirota and looked in the direction where Suzu ran off. "Orimaki seems like the type to be friendly with everybody huh?" "No matter what I say, he doesn't back down." "Wherever he goes, the place becomes brighter." "Even just his presence is loud." As soon as Shirota said this, in the distance he could hear, "There you guys are!" It seemed like Suzu had rejoined his classmates. Even with him not present, he was such a loud man. It would probably get even noisier as they started running lines. Or so he thought. Miraculously, Suzu's voice faded and he could no longer hear it. Maybe they changed locations. "Orimaki isn't the only one you've talked to right?" "Hmm, well…" Shirota had an unapproachable energy. While many of his juniors kept their distance to avoid upsetting him, there was one other first-year who approached him like Suzu did. There was this first year with a gentle face whose name kept coming up over and over, from the time he enrolled until being nominated as a Jeanne. This student was always hanging out with Suzu and Yonaga, even the other first-years too sometimes. Maybe those guys changed locations because Orimaki told them I'm here. When he had unpleasant thoughts towards others, all he had to do was reject them. But, if he wasn't like this, how should he be instead? Thinking about it made him a bit tired.

"…Well, Mitsu, it's good to take baby steps," Fumi said in a slow relaxed voice. He spoke as if seeing a future not visible to Shirota himself.

As if surrendering himself to the idea, he quietly replied, "Yeah, we'll see."

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otomelife · 1 month

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『Jack Jeanne Comic』

Translation: Me

Original: 也➸

This translation was SO wordy but SO worth it in the end!

REBLOG TO GIVE NEJI SOME SLEEP

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