oneblindsadguy - Tumblr blog

oneblindsadguy · 1 year

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Eu tenho tentado não pensar tanto, hoje é um dia bem ruim to escrevendo pela primeira vez e para mostrar pro terapeuta, é algo que preciso pois tô sentindo uma angústia bem grande, eu crio expectativas demais nas minhas relações, mas nem eu mesmo tenho conseguido responder a altura dos sentimentos dos outros, seja no meu relacionamento amoroso ou nas minhas amizades, eu creio que tenho sentido uma certa rejeição por parte de amizades, não sei se isso é algo da minha cabeça ou se é só algo normal, as vezes penso que por as pessoas não responderem uma mensagem ou algo assim, é algo ruim, que elas não gostam da minha companhia, pode ser isso? Pode, mas pode não ser também.

Mas tenho percebido que as pessoas não são mais tão próximas de mim, não sei se é uma fase ou idade, tenho dificuldade maior em criar laços novos com pessoas novas, sempre volto a falar com as mesmas pessoas, e nunca é suficiente, tô com essa carência de atenção que não consigo explicar, já tentei falar com pessoas estranhas na internet, não sei como resolver isso, não é como se a atenção que minha parceira me dá não fosse suficiente, eu sinto que queria uma amizade bem forte, um melhor amigo ou amiga. Não acho certo depositar tudo que sinto e anseio numa pessoa só, mas fiz besteira e uma pessoa muito próxima começou a discordar das minhas decisões e decidiu se afastar. Eu não tive forças pra tomar uma decisão difícil, acabar algo que talvez já esteja meio acabado, esperando a martelada final no caixão. Eu me sinto sem esperança, dessa vez uma vontade de morrer, os problemas da vida adulta se acumulam, eu me saboto sem querer, sem saber.

Ninguém é obrigado a aceitar a minha escuridão e aguentar, mas queria algum amigo ou amiga que tentasse, só pra eu tirar esse peso que sinto. É horrível, me sinto só, me sinto quebrado, fico pensando e divagando por horas sobre cenários impossíveis que jamais acontecerão, por quê perco tanto tempo com isso?

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oneblindsadguy · 7 years

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I don't wanna go away... Quando eu te deixar Vou levar papel em branco Espalhar por cada canto um barco de papel Sei Que o amor é fácil de afogar E se você tem um barco Maior chance de se salvar Mas, ora Você partiu antes de mim Nem me deixou barco frágil Pr'eu me salvar do naufrágio Que foi te dar meu coração Por isso canto todo poema em ode sua E recorto em dobraduras Mais um barco de papel Para mim Não sinto tua falta Não sinto a falta do teu cheiro De perfume importado Que exportou de mim Não sinto falta do teu erre puxado Nem do teu beijo com gosto de dente Que morde coração envenenado Não sinto tua falta Não sinto, nem lembro de você Nem da tua respiração ofegante Não sinto falta, eu sinto ânsia Distância Do teu signo-preto Do teu silêncio, o grito Sinto ânsia E a provoco Enfio os meus dez dedos na garganta Pra ver se vomito teu ser Da minha alma Quando eu te deixar Vou levar papel em branco Espalhar por cada canto um barco de papel Eu tô perdido num mar de ondas suas E remo sem destino esse barco de papel Mas, ora Você partiu antes de mim Nem me deixou barco frágil Pr'eu me salvar do naufrágio Que foi te dar meu coração Por isso canto todo poema em ode sua E recorto em dobraduras Mais um barco de papel Para nós ...

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oneblindsadguy · 7 years

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Não sei mas parece que você esquece do que deve ser Não sei mas se talvez viesse pra ser do bem e fizesse questão de ser além Ah só não me peça pra gostar e se despeça com olhar de quem não pensa em voltar Ah você me diz ignorar a falta que esse amor fará Você falou e prometeu que seja assim perto do seu e perto do meu amor Não sei mas se talvez viesse pra ser do bem e fizesse questão de ser além Ah só não me peça pra gostar e se despeça com olhar de quem não pensa em voltar Ah você me diz ignorar a falta que esse amor fará Eu tive um amor mas foi a dor que me ensinou a ser quem sou Sinto toda essa falta...

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oneblindsadguy · 7 years

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There is a house built out of stone Wooden floors, walls and window sills Tables and chairs worn by all of the dust This is a place where I don't feel alone This is a place where I feel at home Cause, I built a home For you For me Until it disappeared From me From you And now, it's time to leave and turn to dust Out in the garden where we planted the seeds There is a tree as old as me Branches were sewn by the color of green Ground had arose and passed it's knees By the cracks of the skin I climbed to the top I climbed the tree to see the world When the gusts came around to blow me down I held on as tightly as you held onto me I held on as tightly as you held onto me Cause, I built a home For you For me Until it disappeared From me From you And now, it's time to leave and turn to dust I miss my home...

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oneblindsadguy · 7 years

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If I was a simple man, Would we still walk hand in hand? And if I suddenly went blind, Would you still look in my eyes? What happens when I grow old? And all my stories have been told? Will your heart still race for me? Or will it march to a new beat? If I was a simple man If I was a simple man, I'd own no home, I'd own no land Would you still stand by my side? And would our flame still burn so bright? Sometimes I wonder why, I'm so full of these endless rhymes About the way I feel inside I wish I could just get it right If I was a simple man And I could make you understand There'd be no reason to think twice You'd be my sun; you'd be my light If I was a simple man... If I was a simple man... Sometimes I wonder why I'm so full of these endless rhymes About the way I feel inside I wish... Sometimes...

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oneblindsadguy · 7 years

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It's been a long day and I'm trying to figure it out The way those words left your mouth I feel broken, shattered and blue And it's all because of you And I'm trying, trying to figure it out If this is love Why does it break me down? Why do you break me down? If this is love Why does it break me down? Why do you break me down? It's been a long time since I've felt the way that I do now Like I need you but I don't know how It's been a while since I smiled And I meant it for all my heart But the idea of leaving this behind, it tears me apart If this is love Why does it break me down? Why do you break me down? If this is love Why does it break me down? Why do you break me down? Kiss me now and remind me why I ever wanted to make you mine And even though it hurts in this moment I've always known it You're the other half of my broken heart If this is love Why does it break me down? Why do you break me down? If this is love Why does it break me down? Why do you break me down? Even though it hurts in this moment I've always known it You're the other half of my broken heart I forgive you...

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oneblindsadguy · 7 years

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All around me are familiar faces Worn out places Worn out faces Bright and early for the daily races Going no where Going no where Their tears are filling up their glasses No expression No expression Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow No tomorrow No tomorrow And I find it kind of funny I find it kind of sad The dreams in which I'm dying Are the best I've ever had I find it hard to tell you I find it hard to take When people run in circles It's a very, very Mad world, mad world Mad world, mad world Children waiting for the day they feel good Happy birthday Happy birthday And I feel the way that every child should Sit and listen Sit and listen Went to school and I was very nervous No one knew me No one knew me Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson Look right through me Look right through me And I find it kind of funny I find it kind of sad The dreams in which I'm dying Are the best I've ever had I find it hard to tell you I find it hard to take When people run in circles it's a very very Mad world Mad world Enlarge your world Mad world ...

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oneblindsadguy · 7 years

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Posso ouvir o som da tua voz a me chamar Parece que tudo que há de nós Em mim não vai calar E se a vida nunca mais me der o ar De ter você aqui? O tempo já não quer dizer que vai passar Eu sei, eu preciso caminhar Te deixo me levar Última vez que paro e tento me calar Que é pra te ver partir Você acha mesmo Que eu sou tudo isso? E o que fomos nós? Fomos só um vício? Você acha mesmo Que eu não sou capaz De ser para alguém O que lhe satisfaz? Você...

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oneblindsadguy · 7 years

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Oh I'm sorry I broke it Never forgive me Your love is the hopeless Light that I need To remind me I'm living And that I still need it You pulled me together With blood and soft stitches You're proof that I'm breathing And that I still need To be loved and to hear you Whisper to me

You're enough You're enough You're enough

Well I'm a self-centered writer Loving myself to sin Stay away from me Don't find a way to get in I care only for art and career So scared of death that I try to leave part of me here I am lonely Lonely in the fact that I need to be loved And told I am deserving

We let us be, just to be

Isn't that all we should need We need We should need

But the truth is I need you To tell me I'm worthy Of all this great living That I've been doing And I'm sick of the silence Greets me when I go to bed And the waking in a cold sweat After all I'm an artist And I've still got songs in me yet And I'm frightened Frightened to death you'll forget Don't forget Don't forget me

I guess that's the most Honest thing I've written yet So here goes Forgive me I'll sing it again Don't forget Don't forget me Don't forget me Don't forget me Don't forget me Don't forget me Don't forget me Don't forget me... I still have art in me yet

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oneblindsadguy · 7 years

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I am alone, so don't speak I find war, and I find peace I find no heat, no love in me

And I am low and unwell This is love, this is hell This sweet plague that follows me

And my body's weak Feel my heart giving up on me I'm worried it might just be And my body's weak Feel my lungs giving up on me I'm worried it might just be Something my soul needs Something my soul needs

And I see a war on the screen And it is cruel and unclean But I still worry more about you

And I am rude and unkind Have no thought, and have no time Have no eyes, so no point of view

And my body's weak I feel my heart giving up on me I'm worried it might just be My body's weak, Feel my lungs giving up on me I'm worried it might just be Something my soul needs Something my soul needs Something my soul needs

And I am more than this frame I feel hurt and I feel shame I just wish you would feel the same

And I am more than these bones I feel love, I feel alone I just wish you would come home

My body's weak I feel my heart giving up on me I'm worried it might just be My body's weak Feel my lungs giving up on me I'm worried it might just be Something my soul needs Something my soul needs Something my soul needs

Is you, lying next to me And it's you, lying next to me

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oneblindsadguy · 7 years

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I can see the stars above They watch us live They shine upon our fragile lives and cry Can i ask you why we turn our heads the other way And look for something we will never find Imaginary day when pain is washed away Waiting for freedom Give us reason to live Missing you ...

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oneblindsadguy · 7 years

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Every thing i see is a reminder of you...

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oneblindsadguy · 7 years

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I can't believe

That when I breath

There's something good inside of me

Just one good thing inside of me

So close to me

That memory

Of that one good thing inside of me

Just one good thing inside of me

I broke it all and I put to the rest

Put your hand to mine and feel the emptiness

There's no beat in my chest, cause there's nothing left

No it ain't goodbye, it's a last caress

What another dream, you can hardly sleep

Can you believe bad things only happen to me

God knows one day you will finally see

That scars will heal but were meant to bleed

Do you realize I would lie for you?

Please have my last breath, I would die for you

I know I'm no good but my heart beats true

You know I'm gonna fight, though I might be scared to lose

You took me in and I fucked it up again

An empty promise, no I won't pretend

Cause in the end we need someone to solve 'em

Nobody can fix me if I'm part of the problem...

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oneblindsadguy · 7 years

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When the end is getting closer

And the earth has burned the sky

Now repent 'cause it's all over

Just let me die

Here's the massacre

A mausoleum fit for me

Lived a hundred years

A hundred years i didn't see

Gave all my hope away

Is there any left for me?

Bombs are splitting atoms

What can the future bring?

We can fill a million choirs

And wait till children sing

We can walk a million miles

And end up in the sea

And our lungs just keep filling

And lying when we breathe

The world's filled with liars

Liars like me

And i look at my child

It's fire, this feeling

It's blue like the sky

I see all of this meaning

I reach up to god and ask if i'm dreaming

I'm so sorry i don't have those things that you're needing

And darling, a kiss

Kiss me on these lips

When the end is getting closer

And the earth has burned the sky

Now repent 'cause it's all over

Just let me die

As my body lies here broken

And i'm carried to the light

Now my heart is finally open

Just let me die

Everybody says greetings and goodbyes

Everybody pays, no one knows the price

We know the price of sin

The sin of sacrifice

I know i'll sing again

But who can save me twice?

How much can we ask?

You'll get the answer first

How much can we kneel?

With the air that chills the earth?

The air keeps getting colder

My knees keep hitting dirt

The end, sink and crawl

Without the guilt of getting hurt

You ask who you love and you don't know

Do you?

The spirit of god, just passes right through you

You gave away heaven, handed right to you

And i can see it all

Tell me, is it true?

Kiss me, my darling

(darling, But I need you)

Where do we go?

We go, oh

Lord, I don't know

Where we go

We go, no

I don't know where

Where do we go?

We go, oh

Lord, I don't know

Where we go

We go, no

Lord, I don't know!

When the end is getting closer

And the earth has burned the sky

Now repent 'cause it's all over

Just let me die

As my body lies here broken

And I'm carried to the light

Now my heart is finally open

Just let me die...

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oneblindsadguy · 7 years

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This struggle seems endless, i think that this shit is going to tear me apart. How can this pain be so big? I feel like i'm going after what hurts me But how can i even deny myself that i love her this much? I used to talk to this friend, talk things that no one could hear But i think that i have to spare him from those thoughts as well Now i have only myself to talk, in here. I've been wanting to die, so badly, so so badly What keeps me from doing it, are my family and friends That wouldn't be fair to them. A heartbreak isn't enough of a reason for me to take away my life I'm just really tired of people, tired of lies, tired of this world. My body feels so tired, i've been sick all the time too. My own mind is slowly breaking my body, my thoughts are causing me this sickness My friends love me, they gave me all they could But i want her, no one else in this world is like her. She still is my sun and my thoughts are always about her Now the bad ones are about her too. One more sad thing is that i feel like i'm close to death I feel like my time in this life is coming to an end. Maybe it's just because i'm hopeless and sick all the time. It's still scary to me, how bad this situation is. How fast it got like this I wish there was really a god i could ask advice to I wish i had some divine help because i can't do more on my own Feeling this weak and powerless is so bad for my mental health Oh well, maybe my time is really coming to an end, i'll just embrace death And keep going being myself until the end Life was a gift from this universe, we are all stardust afterall I've lived, cared, made mistakes, loved and lived again. Now who knows what will happen? I just hope i can wake up tomorrow and have a better day Amor verus nunquam moritur

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oneblindsadguy · 7 years

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These days are taking so long to pass, Feels like one minute away is eternity, I feel like i never knew you at all, I wonder all the time...Where are you? Are you safe?Who could be holding your hand? You took a piece of me that i can’t grow back again, I’ve lost the joy of living I want to move on, but you’re always there on my thoughts There are so many pictures, so many memories, Our Song...There are so many songs. There are so many questions too, where is the love? Where is the empathy? Where is that “you” that cared about us and not only yourself? Where are you now that i need you the most? Maybe i’m being the wrong one for needing someone like you. I don’t want to find someone like you again... There’s no one else like you. There’s just us and our love. But i can’t fix you and you can’t fix your mistakes. You’re pushing me away day after day, even when you say you love me. There are many moments that i think i’ll lose myself. I’m holding onto a frail spark of hope. But i’m also dying inside every time i see you around. I feel divided, it’s not love and hate, it’s just love and the overwhelming sadness... And after all of this, the only thing left inside my heart Is the unexplainable love i have for you.... I love you.

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oneblindsadguy · 7 years

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I spoke to God today, and she said that she's ashamed What have I become, what have I done? I spoke to the devil today, and he swears he's not to blame And I understood, cause I feel the same

Arms wide open, I stand alone I'm no hero, and I'm not made of stone Right or wrong, I can hardly tell I'm on the wrong side of heaven, and the righteous side of hell...

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