A quick list of things you are not:

damaged goods.

a burden.

worthless.

a failure.

stupid.

a waste of space.

weak.

a lost cause.

alone.

I’m so pissed that while we’re abused we completely disregard the neglect. We don’t even think of being upset that our parents haven’t noticed our depression, us starving ourselves or cutting ourselves, that we lost all desire to live and exist, we’re just fucking grateful they don’t scream at us or beat us for every living moment and that we’re sometimes allowed to eat! 

It’s not normal, it’s not fucking normal for parents to fail to pay attention to their kid to the point where they have no clue if their kid is eating properly, or struggling in school, or having a devastating experience with a friend or crying their heart out from a broken heart. It’s not normal for parents to ignore or not notice when the child is sick, when they’re missing supplies and resources, when they need someone to talk to them and reassure them that everything’s okay! It’s not normal to not have frequent conversations to verify that the child is doing well! Neglect is still abuse! 

Neglect will still result in you failing to care for yourself, thinking that eating isn’t important and health isn’t something that matters and that you feeling absolutely miserable is just normal state of things and that you don’t deserve to get attention and support in those times! 

I learned that being absolutely neglected was a bliss and something to aspire for because that was the least abusive my parents ever got! It was all i had to be shut down in my room living in my head! I learned to be grateful for nobody paying attention to me because the alternative was being yelled at and humiliated and hit and forced into labour against my will! Meanwhile I didn’t learn to ask for medicine or help or support and instead kept breaking down, on my own, alone, all the time, thinking “that’s life”. No it isn’t! Fuck neglect and fuck abusers for getting away with it! Neglected children do not grow up happy and fulfilled and nobody should be okay with this.

How to Cope with Hurt and Pain

1. Try to give it form and to put it into words. Don’t allow it to be shapeless as that’s harder to resolve.

2. Agree that you will look at it and not ignore the pain - as any unexpressed emotions lead to problems later on.

3. Avoid triggers and memories that take you back in time, and open up old wounds, so you experience pain again.

4. Ground yourself in the present and who you are today – and remember you have strengths, and good people in your life.

5. Don’t allow the hurt and pain to take control of who you are, or limit what you’ll do, or the goals you set yourself.

6. Spend as much time as you can with those who care and treat you well – with those who see your worth, and truly love and value you.

“Abusers don’t abuse every day. They have good moments. Days when they do the right things. Moments when they say the correct words. when this happens, the key is to remember that it is just an abuser having a good day, but still an abuser based on all the other days.”

— Shannon Thomas

[Drawing of a sloth holding an umbrella outside in the rain with a caption that says “You don’t need to know the motivations and justifications of your abuser to heal. Do know it wasn’t your fault and you deserve better.”]

It’s OK to Say “No” …

1. If you don’t want to do it …

2. If you don’t like the people …

3. If you’d rather relax …

4. If you’re already overscheduled…

5. If you don’t have the time …

6. If it doesn’t fit your values …

7. If you feel forced to say “yes” …

Im going to try this

“Instead of saying ‘I’m damaged, I’m broken, I have trust issues’ say ‘I’m healing, I’m rediscovering myself, I’m starting over.’”

— Horatio Jones

I just want to feel loved, feel safe, feel like I’m worth something.

growing up in an abusive household can only break you and you learn that your boundaries aren’t really yours but everyone else’s. i still don’t know how to manage my life without getting validation or approval from people i don’t even know. i cant make a decision without someone telling me what to do and it’s stressing me out so much

Some people forgive their abusers and that’s okay.

Some people never forgive their abusers and that’s okay, too.

What’s not okay is someone who forgave their abusers demanding everyone else forgive their abusers, too.

What’s also not okay is someone who didn’t forgive their abusers demanding everybody else not forgive their abusers, too.

Abuse and the pain that comes after escaping it is unique to each survivor.

Don’t ruin their progress by butting in with forgive / don’t forgive.

Don’t pressure them to forgive to “keep the peace” or so you can feel better.

Their abusers already took many of survivor’s choices away. Don’t take this one away from the survivor.

The choice to forgive the abuser or not should only be made by the individual survivor, and it is a choice that must be made without any outside pressure or influences.

Survivors, forgiving or not forgiving is up to you alone.

It’s okay to say you forgive your abuser on their deathbed when you really don’t because saying the words gives you peace of mind.

It’s okay to walk up to your abuser on their deathbed and tell them you will never forgive them.

It’s okay to forgive your abuser and then take it back.

It’s okay to forgive.

It’s okay not to forgive.

There is no wrong choice.

❤️

You know how happy children become when you’re nice to them? You tell them they’re marvelous and smart and immediately their eyes light up and their energy goes to 120% and they feel like they own the world! And yet, yet abusive parents see whatever’s left of that light in child’s eyes and they don’t stop until it’s all empty and black and child no longer believes in themselves or tomorrow. That is hatred. How can somebody defend that? How can somebody say “Yeah you could have a bright-eyed, loved, happy, confident and energetic child here, but it’s for their own good that they be told they’re waste of space and a horrible mongrel until they cry themselves to sleep every night and feel too afraid to put one toe over the line!”. How could you look at a kid and want to do this to them? How could you stop any happiness forming in their eyes? How could you make such a reach to decide that since your life wasn’t 100% perfect you’ll now hurt this unsuspecting, happy kid who literally cannot cause any real harm to you? How fucking low can you sink. Get the hell away from children if this is what you want to do to their life.

it’s not selfish to want happiness. you deserve joy

This is a mood

I wish some of my friends understood this

People coming to my blog saying, "what do you mean that parents terrorizing their children into not expressing their pain, fear and sadness through tears is abuse???" Got me like I don't even know what. So....to be clear...YES. It's: Abusive. Tyrannical. Emotional terrorism. Micro totalitarianism. It's all those things. In a normal family with parents who love, the children cry and their parents let them and even...get this...support them with compassion and affection when they do. I know. It's mind blowing to us, but it's true. And you deserved that. And I'm sorry you didn't get it. 💙