Rovinsky

http://logs.omegle.com/ae45f6a4e98de7f9

You: They continued on like that for a while, silent besides the occasional whoop and manic laughter, lighting and throwing to their hearts fucking content, watching the statue crumble around them. It seemed that fire was everywhere they looked, with smoke encasing them and sparks of fire flying through the sky - infront of them, behind, around. It felt as if the world was burning, and K was fucking high off of it. The structure could only last so long and, eventually, there was nothing left besides a pile of wood and bark and other flammable materials, still flaming high above them. "Come on, all of that and you still won't tell me why the fuck you were in a Denny's carpark at 1am?" Kavinsky asked, pulling his t-shirt off and climbing up onto the roof of the Mitsubishi. There was only a moment of hesitation before he felt Ronan climbing up too, and the two of them laid on their backs, facing up at the clear sky. "You don't text me anymore unless you really wanna fuck shit up, so it must've been something."

Stranger: Ronan's jaw tensed. The pile of smoking rubble, embers faintly sparking in its midst, smelled like a time before what they were doing now was /entirely/ unthinkable. Sure, maybe it had been, technically. Maybe they hadn't supposed to have been doing it then either. But nobody had asked, and they had simply done. Bottles of whiskey under skies just like the one sparkling stars in their eyes now, heated races, heated looks. No questions, no complications. If you don't talk about it, it's like it's not there. If you don't say it, it's not really real, is it. The thing with Adam, however, was becoming less and less like that. They were dancing around each other. Ronan knew it -- although sometimes he wondered if it was actually Adam standing tepidly on the dance floor, while Ronan moved around him in ever-shrinking circles. Lately, the circles were so small that they were fucking suffocating, and the only way to get some air was a good, old-fashioned shout or bite. And once one of those surfaced, more were always quick to follow. It wouldn't be so unbearable, Ronan thought, trailing Orion's belt with his eyes, if for once, Adam got mad back. Truly, fumingly mad. If Adam acknowledged it, him, openly and to the point. A no was more honest than a maybe -- and more comprehensible, at that. When you couldn't stop asking yourself questions, a maybe was the worst fucking thing in the world. The afternoon previous hadn't brought Ronan any clarity. Only an outburst over a barely there touch of their pinkies, which was, wasn't, was so fucking there, Parrish, what the literal hell are you doing with my heart -- from Ronan's side, although he didn't say the last bit. From Adam, Ronan had received a coy look and a click of the tongue. Neither had calmed him down. Ronan abruptly turned his face toward K's, turned his voice to ice. "You wanna talk boy problems with me, K? Are you fucking for real with this shit?"

You: To somebody that didn't know Ronan, the sudden shift in energy would've been startling. From laughter -- albeit, crazed laughter --, stolen hints of mad grins, embers of falling ash between them, nothing but the two of them in this fucking world, to frosty tones and angry furrows between thin eyebrows. It happened quicker than Kavinsky could predict, but it happened all the same. K could barely hide the hint of a smirk - after all this time, he still loved to get under Ronan's skin. Since what happened last summer, Ronan had tried so hard to act indifferent towards Kavinsky - no more fighting, no more texting, no more racing. Simply nothing, as if the pair had never known each other. It had infuriated K like nothing else had ever managed to. Even tonight, Ronan's had bit as much as usual, hadn't taken the bait like he would've 6 months ago, and Kavinsky wanted to tear him apart. Wanted to make him mad, make him frustrated. Make him happy. Anything but the tepid nothingness Ronan had shown him for the past year. "I thought this was a sleepover, isn't that what we're supposed to do?" Kavinsky grinned, rolling his head leisurely to the side, finding Ronan's eyes easily, even through the dimming light of the fire. So fucking alive, like they always were when he was in K's presence. "Why did you text me? You've got your own car, your own shit that you can blow up, or set on fire. So why?" The question slipped from curling lips, K's sunglasses long abandoned, favouring a clearer view to watch the way Ronan's jaw tensed, the way his teeth ground, the way he'd check K out when he thought the other wasn't watching. Only for a breath of a second, but it was there. 

Stranger: That goddamn fucking grin. It bit its way into Roman's brain no problem. Just like that, his gaze was lingering only a snatch too long, only a hint too interested. To compensate, Ronan pulled his own face into what he knew to be a very convincing snarl. He didn't look away from those black, black eyes, though. What the fuck did it matter if he couldn't or didn't want to? Nobody was asking. "Fishing for compliments, K? I didn't think you'd go /that/ low." In a sense, it was extremely fucking gratifying to answer some questions with questions of his own. In another, it was just as gratifying to be asked questions for once. To blink, but still see Kavinsky grinning lazily, dangerously back at him. Like he was drinking him in, a fine ass vodka after God knows how long. Ronan could hear K's lips lewdly smack around the taste of him -- goosebumps on his neck. He faltered for as long as Ronan Lynch would ever falter in his life, throat suddenly dry. It wasn't the kind of dry that Adam left when smiling, dancing, disregarding. This one thrilled instead of threatened. It was fire raining down on a forest, a huntsman with his eyes and gun on the prize, an engine revving loud as it would go. The air was too thick for Roman's liking. He snarled harder when K kept looking, a slick kind of triumph on his face. That smile. He really wasn't supposed to be here. "Fuck off. You know you're -- this shit's more fun with two." It was. It wasn't a lie. "And you're good at it." 

You: Kavinsky hummed, rolling his gaze back to the stars. "Not fishing for compliments, Lynch. More just wondering why the fuck you're trying to hit me up, when it's been radio silence for the last nine months." K had had years to train any sort of upset, or disappointment, or neglect from his voice -- when you were disappointed or neglected pretty much every day of your life, there wasn't much point showing it anymore. And more than that, he didn't want anybody knowing that they had any sort of hold over him. Not his mum, not the pack, not even Proko. And yet, when he muttered that sentence to Ronan, the slightest hint of frustration curled around the words, gave them a bitter taste when they left Kavinsky's mouth. Himself had Ronan had never been anything close to friends, never would be, but it had been different with him. It had seemed as if K had been tripping through life blind-folded, and Ronan had ripped that cloth from his face. Not in no lovey-dovey shit, just in that he'd found an equal. Someone that could keep up with him, give him something to scream to the fucking skies for. Something to breathe for. K had always gotten what he wanted, and for Ronan to take what he wanted most, and rip apart any ties they had, it was almost too fucking much. That was why Kavinsky had dropped everything for Ronan's text, that was why he was there any moment he was needed. "Fucking dick." There was no fire behind it, though K tried. 

Stranger: Guilt was an emotion Ronan Lynch was intimately familiar with. Tended to happen, he was pretty sure, when you grew up catholic. They talk you into it from the fucking crib and once you realize what they're up to, it's too late to get out. That guilt never stemmed from empathy, though. The kind evoked by a sad, nasty curve of a mouth; a drop in tone; a subconscious twist of fingers. It was hard not to pay attention to Kavinsky -- for all K's watching, all those months back, Ronan had watched right back. It had been exciting to be the sun of someone else's universe. It was painful now, knowing what it was like to be a planet, too. Painful, but not quite excruciating. K may be a sad dick, but he was still a dick nonetheless. Ronan's eyes still hadn't left Kavinsky's. Still sad, too. "I'm sorry shit went down the way it did, you know. But did you honestly think I'd give you anything but a radio silence baby after you drugged my brother and stashed him in a fucking trunk?" His voice was dangerously low.

You: Kavinsky spared a moment to think back to that night. The numbness in his fingers when he'd gripped at Matthew's collar, throwing him into the back seat of his car. The ever-closer darkness that had edged around his vision the entire night, threatening to pull him into unconsciousness, telling him that he was putting his body through too much, and it wouldn't always be as forgiving as it had -- too many drugs, too much dreaming, too much. Too fucking much. K had ignored it, as he ignored everything inside of him that was telling him that this wasn't the way to get Ronan to notice him, that he'd made his choice and Gansey was it, that he could look at Ronan as a king as much as he wanted, but that didn't loosen the shackles around Kavinsky's own wrists. If Proko hadn't pulled him from the roof of that car in the last second, K would be dead. It had hit him just seconds after, that he really wouldn't have minded. He could feel Ronan's eyes on him, always analysing, and forced that crude smile back to his face, though he knew the other had caught his slight falter. Knew that Ronan could probably read his fucking mind at this point. "Fuck your brother," he sat, shuffling forward slightly until his legs swung over the windshield of his car. "Seems it should've been Parrish I sent up with a bang, anyway. Bad judgement on my part." He said it all with his gaze away from Ronan and after a pause, reached into his jean pocket for a small baggy, emptied a small amount onto his little finger and pressed it to his nose. The burn was soothing, calming - everything it shouldn't be. 

Stranger: It didn't matter that Kavinsky was being Kavinsky. Ronan was positively fucking fuming. His chest felt like the statue's -- blazing with heat and cracking at the edges. The only reason he wasn't instantly at Kavinsky's throat was that the Mitsu's hood was slippery. He bolted up, face on murder, ripped the baggy from Kavinsky's fingers, and clawed his own neatly around his bare shoulder, pushed him back down against the hood. "Say that again." There was powder clinging to K's nose. Jesus. "Fucking say it again. I will break your nose."

You: K glanced up at Ronan, appearing infinitely unimpressed. The heat of the car's roof pressed against his back, matching the heat that was building in Kavinsky's gut. /This/ was what he liked - this was how he made himself feel something. It was undeserved swings at the pack, too much heroin that one time, icy words to get Ronan's hands on him. He'd spent too many years feeling nothing. In some kind of fucked up triumph, he smirked - just a slight upturn of a lip; a narrowing of the eyes; a tilting of the head. It was so subtle, but he knew Ronan would catch it. He knew the argument would grow from nothing to a forest fire in seconds, it was how their arguments always did. "Never thought I'd see the day that Ronan Lynch cared about somebody this much." 

Stranger: Venom came gushing through Ronan's bloodstream right as his heart surged. He shivered, just slightly, as he spat: "It's not my fault you're a jealous fucking dickbag." Ronan hadn't physically fought someone in weeks now, but it wasn't something, he reckoned, he would ever forget how to do. Before he could betray himself -- would look too long into K's eyes, linger on his lips, focus too hard on the way his breath came out in languid, invisible puffs of air -- Ronan swiftly sent his head smashing down. It connected with K's forehead instead of his nose, and there was no crack, only a crash of a thud, but nonetheless it was effective punctuation. Their old English teacher would be impressed. Ronan snarl-smirked at the thought, and realized, belatedly, that his head had slid down. His face was buried lazily, somewhat dizzily, against Kavinsky's neck, where it smelled like beer and expensive aftershave. When he scrambled up, lights fizzed behind his eyes. Maybe Ronan /had/ forgotten, a little bit. But overcompensation had never failed him. "You wish you could care about someone. Hell, /something/."

You: A whisper of pain spread through K's forehead, a promise that tomorrow would be much more painful than it currently was, with the cocaine numbing most of his senses. Except for the spot where Ronan's lips were ever so close to K's next, except for where his fingers dug into Kavinsky's shoulders. Those senses were /alive./ The fire behind them was starting to die out now, casting darkness over half of Kavinsky's face, forcing him to appear as the shadow he was becoming. "You're talking at me like that's supposed to hurt my feelings." Kavinsky spat, the ghost of anger finally started to show in the twist of his lip, the fire of his eyes. K didn't have friends, he had belongings -- hell, one of them was literally crafted from his head -- a character trait that he joked last summer he'd shared with Gansey, before Ronan had pummelled the sentence from his lips. "Like I don't know exactly what the fuck I am. What the fuck are /you?/" The fury in his voice was paired with a quick twist of bodies and K was on top of Ronan, his hand tight around the other's throat - not enough to cut off oxygen supply, but enough to be a threat. "You want to be everything. You want to be this," He gestured violently towards the burning statue behind him with his free hand. "And you want to be Gansey, and you want to be Adam. You want to fucking craft yourselves from the best parts of them all, but you will /never/ be them." The now trembling fingers left Ronan's throat, twisting around his shoulders instead as he lifted then slammed him back to the car roof. "We can never fucking be like them." This dance between the two of them -- this fight -- it had been a choreographed dance of destruction that would always bring them back here. 

Stranger: Ronan's pulse was a wild, fluttering. It boomed high up in his throat, right where Kavinsky's fingers had surely left at least some kind of mark. He would've ripped them off his skin, no fuckin doubt about it, if it hadn't been for the illicit dash of heat that had shot to the pit of his belly at the touch, the intensity with which K pinned him down. Ronan could keep his face in check no problem; it was cold and sharp, just the way he liked it. Didn't fall out of line at the weight of K on him, at pushing hipbones, the danger in K's erratic, filthy voice. But Ronan had less control over his breath -- especially with a restless, bony hand around his throat, especially after getting the air knocked the hell out of him. It was shallow, loud. His back, too, had arched compliantly up and along before he could think better of it. Now that the warm metal of the hood gently burned at his exposed skin again, Ronan's ears felt just as warm. Fuck if he was going to let Kavinsky spout whatever the hell bullshit he was spouting now, though. Ronan didn't respond with words of his own. Instead, propped up on his elbows, he stared Kavinsky down. It took him no time to spit in Kavinsky's shadowed face.

You: Slowly, eyes not leaving Ronan's and without even a hint of emotion to his face, Kavinsky wiped at his cheek with the back of his hand. He wasn't thinking when he let out his boiling frustration and swung his tight fist, accurate and quick from years of taking and throwing them, into Ronan's jaw. Droplets of blood rained down on the white Mitsu's paint job as Ronan's head snapped to the side, though he recovered quickly. The other threw his entire bodyweight behind the fist that edged closer to K's face, hitting his jaw with such force that blood began to pool along his bottom lip, and he slipped down the windshield of the car, straight onto the trampled grass. Ronan was right behind him, jumping down and on top of K before he had chance to get up. He didn't bother to lift his arms to protect his face, wouldn't cover like a little bitch -- he bets that's how Adam would look in a fight, all fetal position and head protecting. Instead, he took the hits as they came, and used Ronan's lack of balance to throw him off of him. Both were to their feet in seconds, and they both looked more alive than they had in a long time. Kavinsky threw another punch. It rocked Ronan and he took a step back, and then steadied himself, blinking his eyes and staring straight at K. His head must be a firework right now. K knew his was. 

Stranger: It wasn't so much the dark that engulfed them as it was the stars in it. A dome adorned with blaring pinpricks in the rustling still of the clearing. Kavinsky and Ronan were merely two of them. Blazing, larger than life, incomprehensible to most. They circled each other slowly, and as they spun, so did Ronan's head. He grit his teeth, blood on his breath, fists in position. Being punched repeatedly in the face was far more freeing than it ought to be, especially because Ronan got to punch back. Didn't have to worry if he was going overboard, if he was being too much. K matched him in intensity every time, so there was no room for holding back, even if he wanted to. He really, really didn't. With a groan, Ronan dashed forward. He plunged into Kavinsky, elbow into the little soft his stomach had, until they were both tumbling back onto the ground. Ronan scrambled for leverage as K did the same, scratching, grabbing, swinging knuckles against bloodied skin. God, Ronan thought. He had a black eye. It was like he was finally breathing. He grabbed, failed to grab Kavinsky's wrist. "You know fuck all about my friends. You know fuck all about --" But K did know about him. K had a split lip. Blood trickled down his chin. God. /God/. "Why do you hate them? /I'm/ the one that went silent on you, you know. And you still show up when I text." Ronan couldn't keep out a gleam of pride. His lungs were fucking finally drained of water. He grabbed at Kavinsky's wrist again, scratched the skin this time. 

You: "Because you always fucking choose them," With hands grabbing and scratching and hitting, K didn't have a filter for his words. Didn't have time to throw up an unconcerned face, hide any jealousy or envy from his strained voice. "Without them, who knows what we could fucking be?" The two of them kept scrambling for dominance, but as they kept spitting harsh words at each other, the fight behind each throw was trailing off. They were letting their words make the hits. K let his wrists be pinned by the side of his head, tried to ignore the pull of heat in his groin as he took a second to consider the position he was in right now -- pinned by Ronan, all tight grips and pushing hips. How many times he'd dreamt of this. Kavinsky shook his head, willing the thoughts from his head. "You can't tell me that you haven't wondered the same. That - that the summer we spent together, you wasn't thinking it, too. We could rule the fucking world if we wanted to." K didn't tell him that that wasn't what he wanted - was never what he wanted. All he wanted was this - fire and pills and dreaming, beneath a forgiving sky. "You can't tell me you didn't think that." The edge of desperation slipped out, though K had tried to keep it contained. "Don't you dare fucking throw that shit back in my face. I fucking told you - /God./" Kavinsky tucked his chin against his shoulder to wipe at the blood he felt dripped. "You think I don't give a shit about anything, right? Anyone?" His voice was barely a whisper, but packed with heat. "You think I don't know your friends, but you don't know mine. You don't know how many times I've driven Jiang to the hospital after he's overdosed. You don't know how many times I've stitched Swann back up after he fucking cuts himself. You don't know shit." Ronan was so close to him now that everytime K's chest rose and fell, their still-shirtless skin brushed against each other. "Just because I'm not Dick Gansey and have some fucking wish to protect everybody and everything, that doesn't mean - I look after the people that I give a shit about. /That's/ why I still show up when you text." 

Stranger: It was everything short of a love confession. Kavinsky's words brushed against Ronan's lips, hot and quick and earnest. So fucking earnest. Ronan was quite sure that was what made them cut. In a handful of breaths, Kavinsky had spoken the most truth Ronan had heard him speak in all the time they'd known each other. It was more disorienting than a blow to the head. Silence dragged out between them. Ronan's chest burned where K's brushed up against it. Time and time again. This was where Ronan was supposed to say something earnest back, match K, top him off one way or another. Or at least make a snide remark. Fucking something. Anything. But his throat was dry again, heart hammering in a way that didn't have a fuck to do with physical exertion. Ronan swallowed, glanced K over once, loosened the grip on his wrists. He didn't move. More embers at his chest. Fact was, he did care. Despite everything, he did feel bad -- about using K, leaving K. He /had/ wondered what they could've been. Sometimes, he still did. And seeing Kavinsky like this, heart on his sleeve, raw and honest -- God. "I guess," Ronan started. An engine roared in the distance. Again: "I guess --" His own voice was as intense as Kavinsky's. Breathier, lower,  than normal. He was too busy eyeing K to bother getting it in check. At this point, there was no use concealing shit. "I don't know you as well as I thought I did."

You: "Guess not," K replied, flexing the fingers of his right hand to check they still all worked. Too many a times he'd broken fingers against jaws, against cheekbones. Ronan's hand was still keeping his wrists pinned, but the grip was softer now, hesitant fingers pressing against the spot where K knew his pulse must be going fucking crazy. Silence stretched between the two of them. K thought back to the last time he had tried to kiss Ronan - they had both been fucked, took down one and a half bottles of vodka between the two of them and they were spread out on this very field, all easy smiles that came from too much alcohol. He'd rolled onto his stomach, head hovering over Ronan, who'd been laid on his back. Before he had chance to move his head more than an inch, Ronan had knocked K back by his shoulder. "Don't start doing that shit." The other had said, trying to appear uninterested, but he was given away by the blush that climbed his tanned neck. Kavinsky hadn't known how to handle rejection, especially not rejection from Ronan. So he'd simply rolled back onto his back, mumbled a quiet 'fuck you' and swallowed the other half of the vodka. This felt a lot like that - the fear of rejection and hoping that Ronan wouldn't fuck off again. With the grip loosening on his wrists, K pushed himself up onto his elbows, closed the distance between the two boys and kissed Ronan. 

Stranger: Nothing about the chaste peck Kavinsky fluttered firmly against Ronan's lips should have been surprising -- except, perhaps, that it was chaste, and just a peck. In Ronan's mind, the entire night had been building up to something he hadn't been able to put his finger on. It hadn't been the climax of his fight with Adam, unsatisfactory as it was. Hadn't been the desperate text to K, hadn't been seeing him after fuck knows how long (Ronan knew exactly how long). Hadn't been a larger than life statue of Declan burning to a Goddamn crisp. What it was was stubble against his jaw, aftershave crowding his space, vodka on his tongue. It was a match being struck, but not lit. A sliver of curiosity quenched, but not the rest of it. For what felt like fucking forever, Ronan didn't know how to move. Kavinsky's lips were oddly soft against his -- softer than Adam's, that one time he had thought whatever they were meant something. Before college, before whatever the fuck game they were playing now. Sneaking glances, sneaking touches, whenever Adam was around on the weekends. Adam drew the line at talking. He had better places to go, after all. This -- this was different than that. Maybe it wasn't going anywhere, but that was kind of what Ronan liked. It was only when Kavinsky moved back, that Ronan realized just how still he'd stayed. He caught the subtlest brush of K's lashes -- eyes falling open in what was clearly hesitation. Ronan couldn't blame him. Last time, he had had said no. But this wasn't last time. This wasn't a daydream during class, an embarrassing shower late at night. Not the fucking cat and mouse bullshit kind of game Adam and he were playing. And, honestly, no dreams, no lazily-fallen-into-quickly-derailed train of thought could've prepared him for how much he wanted to just -- do it again. Kavinsky couldn't get up before Ronan surged toward him again. This time, his lips were parted. This time, he didn't stop to think. A noise rumbled from somewhere in him, and before he knew it, his fingers were snaked into Kavinsky's hair.

You: That moment -- staring up at Ronan, anticipating the rejection that he was sure would come -- seemed all too familiar, K looking up through his eyelashes, aware that his eyes must be giving away how anxious he was feeling, but not making an effort to conceal it. Both of them were too far gone for concealment. He'd been ready to slip out from Ronan's grip, probably shove against him for good measure, and then forget this had happened. Ready for Ronan to disappear for god knows how long (Kavinsky, too, knew exactly how long). But before he had the chance, Ronan's lips were on his, parted and inviting. A surprised sound came from somewhere in K's throat, freezing for just a second before he was chasing the wet promise of Ronan's tongue. The grip on his wrists tightened again, this time in want, more than anger. Kavinsky tolerated it for only a second before ripping one arm free, sweaty palm grabbing at the back of Ronan's neck, his pinky finger brushing against the buzzcut. Kavinsky was hit with the sick pleasure of how much Gansey would hate this. How much /Adam/ would hate this. Parrish had put a claim on Ronan for too long and with every touch, K was washing him away, replacing soft hands and sandy hair with razor-sharp smiles and long, nimble fingers. When Ronan placed his entire weight on the other, pushing K into the ground by his hips, an embarrassingly needy sound whispered against Ronan's neck, where K had began to desperately mouth at. Engines roared in the distance, the fire crackled behind them. Somewhere, Adam was pacing his room, throwing his phone at the wall in frustration at Ronan's silence. The whole word passing by without the two of them giving a fucking damn. 

Stranger: There was no world outside of K's teeth scraping against Roman's skin, outside the shiver his fingers slid down Ronan's bare spine. The world was the little noises Kavinsky made whenever Ronan's hips rolled down. Involuntarily at first, but quickly finding a desperate, languid rhythm through the drag of their jeans, the scent of sweat and ash. It wasn't so much a bubble around them as it was the fact that Ronan got increasingly lost in the marvel that was Kavinsky's touch. He was reverent and careless, harsh and fearful, restless and unyielding. Kavinsky was a highway late at night, and Ronan was the sole driver on it. Windows open, headlights off, full fucking speed. Oxygen was hard to come by, as was inhibition. When K nipped Ronan's neck, he all but fucking whimpered. Couldn't bring himself to care. "Jesus --" Breathless as Kavinsky thrust up. Whatever the rest of the world was up to, Ronan would try to care in the morning. 

You: ​A thrill ran down K's spine at the word dropped so carelessly from Ronan's reddening lips, had images of Ronan down on his knees to pray at church, images of rosemary beads grasped in his hands, held with the same determination as they did now, bruising hands digging into every jutting bend of Kavinsky's body. There was no God tonight - just fire and pills and the feeling of Ronan's hips against his own. The two of them stayed like that for a while, K pinned to the ground with hungry teeth biting along his lips, his jaw, his neck. It could've been for minutes, or hours. Could've been days, but all Kavinsky knew was the way Ronan's thigh fitted so perfectly between his legs. The high-pitched chirp of Ronan's phone came, just barely audible over the groans and sighs from the two boys, and K pulled back slightly, Ronan immediately taking his neck instead. "The one fucking time you have your phone on," He said, breathier than he would've liked. They both ignored it for the first time, the second, the third. "Fuck sake," K dug his nails into the warm skin at the back of Ronan's neck in frustration, forcing the other to face him with a pained moan. "Answer your fucking phone, or turn it off." Ronan offered him only a scowl, which didn't have the same effect with darkening hickies forming on his neck. K saw the user ID flash when Ronan checked, saw Parrish's name clear as day. Kavinsky waited, one hand still on the back of Ronan's neck, grip tight. 

Stranger: The grey-green-red of Ronan's phone illuminated Kavinsky's face like a flame flickering over the crevaces of a deep cave. His eyes were hollow and dark with anticipation, growing more hollow with every ring. His fingers curled tighter around Ronan's neck -- so tight it became nearly impossible to maintain his practised scowl. One more ring, and the phone went silent. A beat. Ronan gazed stubbornly down at Kavinsky, all lazily hooded eyes and panted breaths. Almost immediately, the screen lit up again. Whatever was making Adam call Ronan in the middle of the night, it must be urgent. Or maybe it wasn't, Maybe Adam was up alone in his room at St Agnes, pacing around with thoughts of their fight on his mind. Ronan's pinky still under his in his mind, Ronan's voice whispering jokes into his ears. Kavinsky's hand grew tighter. Ronan let a moan slip out, closed his eyes, just for a second, and snatched the phone from K. He sat up. If Adam was thinking about Ronan, replaying the afternoon they stole in the library, imagining Ronan angry and upset, running to someone else, the only someone else Ronan had ever really had -- Ronan would fucking let him. His finger collided with the screen, and it went dark yet again. He wondered if Adam would leave a voice mail -- he glanced down at K. Kiss-drunk and probably high off his fucking ass, teeth glittering dangerously, triumphantly. Like Ronan was the biggest teddy bear at a rigged carnival stand, and Kavinsky was holding it in his skinny arms. Ronan turned off the phone just as it began ringing again, slid it across the floor, away. "Cause you asked nicely."

You: ​Kavinsky knew that somewhere between the many ignored calls from Ronan, Parrish would've called Gansey. Asked if he was home, when was the last time he'd been seen. Could practically picture Adam's face when Gansey said that, no he wasn't home and no, he couldn't be with Kavinsky. But Parrish knew better than that -- knew exactly where Ronan came crawling when he was hurting and restless and mad at the world. K said nothing at first, content to just watch the dimmed flames reflect off Ronan's tanned chest, propping himself up on his elbows. God, he was fucking /beautiful/. K surrounded himself with a lot of attractive people; he loved the rugged handsomeness of Swann, the gentle beauty of Proko, the upturn of Jiang's full lips, the twisting tattoos that snaked both of Skov's arms. But there was no fucking beauty like Ronan Lynch. "Don't bullshit me," He replied eventually, head tilting slightly with a lazy grin. "If I'd asked nicely, you would've answered the call just to spite. We both know you liked to be talked to like a piece of shit." Kavinsky pushed himself up further so he was upright, Ronan still on his lap. Hungry lips picked up where they'd left off, finding that spot on Ronan's lip where it'd split from their earlier fight and biting at it again, the taste of iron spilling into both their mouths. He could feel the slight hesitation in Ronan's touch now, the way his mouth didn't open as invitingly - knew the other was stuck in his own head again, the call from Adam sobering up any remaining vodka that had been left to float through his bloodstream. K growled, growing frustrated at Ronan's second-guessing and dragged his nails from the tip of Ronan's shoulders all the way down to his lower back, hearing a hiss as he did. 

Stranger: K's nails didn't dig deep; they were too blunt to leave anything but red scratches. Angry but shallow. Nonetheless effective. Ronan's head fell back momentarily when Kavinsky reached the end of his spine. What would his tattoo look like now that K's marks adorned it? What would Adam's face look like if he ever got to see it like that? Was he picturing it right now? Ronan knew his legs could fit easily around K's waist, but instead he folded them on each side of his hips. This way he could keep sitting up, shoulders straight, torso flush against Kavinsky's. Like this, Ronan towered an inch or so above Kavinsky -- might be part of the reason, too. "That you think I do, doesn't make it true," even though it was. Nails on his shoulders this time. Adam would definitely see those marks. He hissed again, straight into Kavinsky's ear. But Ronan was never one to back down without a fight. He bit down on Kavinsky's earlobe, pushed his hips down hard simultaneously. 

You: ​The two stayed like that for a while, alternating between snappy comments and wanting lips. The irony wasn't lost on K when every time one of them said some shit to the other, it was followed by desperate kissing and too rough hands on bare skin. This has always been Ronan and Kavinsky - the surface was all spit and fuck yous and bruised knuckles. But that want had always been there, just under the surface. Time was indistinguishable, but K guessed it was somewhere close to 3:30 by now. Late enough that the sky was still black, but with signs of life slowly coming to around them - the sound of cars passing by for early shifts, birds beginning to sing as the world readied to wake up. The sound of cars getting closer. The Camaro's engine was no silent beast, didn't tread closer and closer undetected like the Mitsubishi did, so K realised sooner than Ronan did that they company. Headlights wiped out any remainder of the orange tint left by the fire, tearing white towards them. Ronan scrambled off him just at the last second, and K heard his voice hitch in a very un-Ronan-like way. Kavinsky took his sweet time standing, hoping that his position and Ronan's hurry to his feet was enough to send the right message to Adam, who was now tearing out of the car in what was actually a very Ronan-like way. Anyway, if Parrish wasn't clever enough to figure it out, the red lines painted on Ronan's back and dug into his shoulders should really be enough. "What the fuck?" Adam shouted, and it was the loudest that K thinks he's ever heard Parrish speak. Now that he thought about it, he wasn't sure he'd ever heard Adam speak above a whisper, as if he was afraid the entire world would turn to him if he uttered anything more. Adam's eyes were all on Ronan, nothing spared for Kavinsky but Gansey, however, who was still sat in the driver's seat, tight grip on the steering wheel, was staring head on at him. Kavinsky lifted his hand in a wave, grin wide and knowing. Dick Gansey the Third was utterly and infuriatingly polite, but right now he had more hatred on his face than K had ever seen. More /anything/ than K had ever seen. Oh, this was fucking amazing.

Stranger: If tonight had been any other night, Ronan would've shot a sarcastic greeting Adam's way before letting a commanding look of Gansey's pull him towards the car; would've slammed the door shut twice, or thrice, for good measure; complained loudly or stubbornly quietly on the way back to Monmouth. But tonight was a night that had started in flames and would end in them. Even though Ronan's long limbs dangled suddenly awkwardly, he pushed back his shoulders, made sure to rise to his full height. He hadn't done a fucking thing wrong -- that's what his face said, anyway, save for the blush blooming high on his cheekbones, save for his kiss-bitten lips. It wasn't a betrayal if there was fucking nothing to betray. Nonetheless, Adam's heaving chest, his eyes that spat fucking fire, made shame wriggle uncomfortably in Ronan's stomach. That, and something else. Adam stood tall himself, and through all his disbelief and and anger, there was a furious kind of fierceness to him. A fierceness that was impressive, to say the least. Ronan had brought that out. "What?" He asked, aiming for nonchalant, defiant, no fucking nonsense. Nothing about him said any of those words. Kavinsky's footsteps sauntered closer, and then Kavinsky himself brushed up beside Ronan. Ronan was sure he was still grinning, although he didn't look. Eyes only on Adam. Not K, smug and gloating by his side.Not Gansey, worried sick and catching fire himself in the Pig. Just Adam's snarl of a face, just Ronan's own bruised hands, his dirty shoes. Adam's face again. Ronan remained standing exactly where he was. 

You: The air was heavy with Adam's anger, with Gansey's worry. No matter how hard Ronan tried to act nonchalant, Kavinsky knew him better than that. Adam and Gansey knew him even better. K passed a glance over Ronan when he replied, took in the teeth that were worrying over his bottom lip, the fingers that instinctively went to the leather bands around his wrists - both telltale signs that he wasn't as sure as he sounded. K didn't know what argument had lead Ronan into his arms, but he could tell by the furious glint in Adam's eyes that he hadn't thought they were over. Or maybe he did, and he just hadn't expected Ronan to move on so quickly, or move on to Kavinsky. "What?" Adam scoffed. "You - We just. You are un-fucking-believable." His voice wasn't a shout anymore but that didn't take the heat from the words. "Him? Really?" Adam gestured vaguely towards where Kavinsky stood, but didn't look his direction. "Of all the shitty fucking things that you've done to get back at me, /this./" His voice broke on the last word and it shouldn't have give Kavinsky such pleasure, but it did. And he grinned wider. He knew Adam spotted the hickies on Ronan's neck, the red-stain around his lips, the moon-shaped nail imprints on his shoulders and chest. Adam's jaw was set in a way that told K that Adam had had plenty of experience perfecting the art of not crying, even when he wanted to. Both of them - Adam and Ronan - were given away by the tremble of their hands. 

Stranger: Ronan was a dog with its tail tucked between its hind legs. But the dog was still a döberman, and it still wasn't ready or willing to run away. "What makes you think it's to get back at you?" Ronan caught the tremble in his voice, even if he tried to keep it level. He also caught Kavinsky sniggering at his side. Maybe a punch to the temple would shut him the fuck up, but for once, K seemed to be his only ally. One that was enjoying the show more than anything else, but still. It was nice to have someone on his side -- have someone who wanted to see Adam angry as much as Ronan did. Because anger wasn't a yes, but it was /something/. Tangible in the way Adam's nostrils flared and his jaw tightened. Tangible in the blatant hurt splayed out on his face. Something in Ronan trembled. He had put /that/ there, too. Gansey's jaw was almost as tight as Adam's when he finally rose from the car. He, too, was burning. Blue hot. What an odd sensation to be at the receiving end of this side of him like this. It had been months since Ronan had seen him like this, and in entirely different circumstances. It was neither Kavinsky nor Ronan that he snapped at, though. Entirely unjovially, un-Gansey-like, he called out a "Joseph," with a nod of his head. It would've been polite on anyone else's lips. On his, it was ice. He wouldn't let Ronan catch his eyes. "Would you care to explain what exactly is going on here?"

You: ​At the call of his name, Kavinsky turned his attention to Gansey, dragging his gaze from the shake of Adam's hands. He wondered if the trailer boy would have it in him to throw a punch at Ronan - better yet, to throw a punch at K. "Dick," he replied, with a slight bow of his head, mocking. Ultimately, K knew that he should feel outnumbered. Adam and Gansey were burning hot in ways that he didn't have the energy for, had been stripped of him as the effects of the coke began to taper. And Kavinsky wasn't sure which side Ronan would take if this was to go up in flames. Maybe he'd stand by him, an unlikely bond from a night of drugs and dreaming, but more likely he would do what he always did. He'd heel to the commands of his owner, play lapdog to Dick Gansey. If that was the case, K would just have to make it harder for Gansey and Parrish to accept him back. Kavinsky hummed dramatically, thumb and index finger perched on his sunken face. "What's going on here, you ask. Which part are we talking about, hm?" He took a few more steps towards the two others, feeling Ronan's eyes burning into the back of his head, but he wasn't deterred. If Ronan was going to leave him again, he was going to take him out swinging. "The part where he swallowed down the pills I gave him and stole from his dreams, or the part where he begged me to lick Adam's name from his mouth?" It was spoken with faked curiosity, but the way his eyes flicked over to Adam, smirk on his lips and something else in his eyes, showed how badly he wanted a reaction. But still, Parrish didn't even glance his way. He opted instead to darkening the look that was still stuck on Ronan. There was an assertiveness in the way he stood, chin up and shoulders back, like that would cancel out the hurt in his voice when he said, "You got a real funny way of showing you care about somebody," all thick Henrietta vowels, too angered to bother smoothing them out. 

Stranger: "I'd say the same to you," Ronan hissed back. He almost stuttered on 'you', didn't catch himself in time, but a fuming huff from Gansey covered it. "But I don't know that you fucking care at all." Gansey was clearly letting Adam take the lead -- uncertain but determined in the unfamiliar position of second in command. He was staying slightly back, ready to act, and /still/ not sparing Ronan one glance. It was clear that, for once in his life, Gansey couldn't figure out a way to get in control of the situation. Too many people, too many layers, too many possibilities, perhaps. And perhaps part of the problem was that it wasn't only Kavinsky he was mad at. That much was clear. Kavinsky: old, trusted, untrustable enemy. Ronan: fragile, volatile -- misguided friend or traitor? If only Gansey knew Ronan was both. Now that he was standing in front of him, Ronan wasn't so sure he wanted him to anymore. Adam, on the other hand, was a sight to behold despite his hurt. Potentially because of it. Shame colored Ronan's cheeks. He wanted simultaneously to cradle Adam's face gently in his hands, to kiss his eyes closed if Adam would let him, never to have sought out Kavinsky to begin with -- and to flick more gunpowder at this angry, crackling statue that was Adam Parrish. After months, Adam wasn't just smoking, but catching, and Ronan needed him to. His reply hadn't sounded like a question, but it had been one. As had the looks, the late night visits, fuck, the texts at night. Ronan's balled fists spelled anticipation. Unlike Kavinsky, Adam wasn't fond of answers. 

You: ​Kavinsky fell back, only slightly, taking the simple pleasure of watching the lovers quarrel, feeling - with a jolt of unease - how similar his and Gansey's positions were right now. Both on the sidelines of something bigger than themselves, both hoping for a certain outcome, albeit opposite sides, and both fighting to hide how they truly felt in that moment. The only difference was Gansey suppressed his emotions with icy politeness and Kavinsky covered his with fire, dripping from his lips. He was waiting for a moment to jump in again, to say something that could finally push one of them over the edge - Adam, Gansey. Hell, even Ronan. But although Ronan and Adam were barely speaking, K couldn't get a word in edgewise, feeling the air around the two of them crackling with hurt and distrust, and Kavinsky could just see how desperately Ronan wanted Adam to just admit why this hurt. Adam didn't have to work and pick Ronan apart piece by piece to finally get what he wanted, as K had. All Adam had to do was exist, like this. Ronan simply wanted Adam in ways that he would never want Kavinsky, but that much had never been a secret. The sting from it was lesser and dull this time around. "Just because I don't - /God/, Ronan." Ronan, in this instance, sounded like please. "You want everything now, and you want to know exactly how I'm feeling at every moment, and you need this constant fucking reassurance that I'm not going to run and leave you, but all you do is push me away." Adam, too, couldn't catch the tremble in his voice, squeezed both hands into fists to distract himself from how weak he sounded. Repressed memories of how he'd sounded as he begged his father no, please. Don't. This was why he found it so hard to let Ronan have all of him, the way he wanted, because he'd stood on his own two feet for the longest time, and he didn't know what it was to be able to lean on someone. Didn't know anything about love or loyalty or friendship until he'd met them - Gansey and Ronan and Noah. Then, Blue. It was all too much, too fast. Adam took a breath, looked down, steadied himself again and looked back up, that same fierceness radiating from him. "I am not going to stand here and.. whatever this is. Fight for you. From him." He finally cut a look at Kavinsky for the first time that night, and K stared right back, that fucking smirk finally dropped. 

Stranger: A knife drilled itself into Ronan's heart without much ceremony. The worst part was that everyone was there to see -- that he didn't have the time or the right mind to try and catch his voice, let alone his face anymore, his heaving chest. He bit his split lip through the silence he shrouded the four of them in. It started bleeding. There hadn't been a part of Ronan that had considered he was asking for too much. Was acknowledgement or rejection too much? A simple yes-or-no, not a love confession or a fucking proposal. He wasn't one to talk about shit. Feelings, whatever. About where they were going, or why. But the grey area they had been in until a second ago was fucking unbearable. Rejection, it turned out, was worse. Adam didn't want him. Truly, honestly, actually didn't. Adam wasn't fighting, wasn't admitting to the slightest affection fonder than friendship. Even if it was written on his face he cared, it was obvious Ronan shouldn't read it like /that/ anymore. He wasn't worth fighting for. He would've moved fucking mountains, burned down cities, for Adam. Too much. Adam would leave. Adam /was/ leaving. Any second now. Not coming back. Ronan's mind flashed to his parents' bedroom -- bed messily made but lacking Niall who had fitted into it cozily just the night before; the breakfast table, Aurora's smiley eggs, Niall's empty chair; a lightning bug haphazardly dreamt through concealed tears and thoughts of 'Gansey, why?'. Ronan's swiped at his eyes once, shook his head, furrowed his brow. He had gotten his answer. "Then don't." And with that, he turned around to march towards the Mitsubishi. 

You: ​Kavinsky stayed put for just a second longer, held Adam's gaze even as he was turning round and following Ronan back towards the car. A thought at the back of his head reminded him that the only reason Ronan had chosen him was because the alternative was rejection - he would be gone in a second if Parrish could just get the fucking words out that K knew were there, on the brink of his lips. Still, it didn't take away the high that was Ronan walking towards the Mistu, walking away from the Camaro and its two heated occupants. "That wasn't - I didn't mean it like that." The desperation in Adam's voice carried through the air, whipped and turned with the last remaining embers. Kavinsky kept walking, despite the fact that Ronan had slowed slightly. He wasn't going to hang by his side, wouldn't show that side of him to Dick Gansey. Instead, he pressed on, making it to the side of the rubble before turning back. Ronan was dead-centre between himself and Adam, still. "I meant. If it's going to be like this, with /him/. I'm not doing that. It's me or him." Kavinsky was struck with the similarity of the situation, the words exact mirrors of what he'd told Ronan just last summer. Adam didn't know if it was fair to place this ultimatum up in the air, but he knew it was the truth. There wasn't much he understood - how to be what Ronan needed and wanted, why, out of everybody, he had Ronan's love offered so readily to him. He didn't know what the hell to do with it, but he knew this much: no matter what they currently were, or what they could be, it had to be only him. No Kavinsky. "Ronan," Gansey warned, so much written in that one word - a reminder of all that he had done for Ronan, a reminder of all the /bad/ that Kavinsky had done. Through that one word, he was reiterating Adam's point - it couldn't be both of them. Us or him. 

Stranger: If Adam's voice had stilled him, it was Gansey's that swivelled Ronan around -- not in fear, but desperate anger, agitated want. Kavinsky bravely sauntered on, posing unconcerned by everything -- after tonight, Ronan knew he wasn't truly. Even though he was an asshole, it wasn't fair if he got scapegoated in this particular scenario. It had been Ronan, after all, who was the one to seek him out. Another thing Ronan had learned, though, was that Kavinsky really was at his beck and call. That, even if he was storming towards Adam now, fury and tears mingling on his stubborn face, Kavinsky was unlikely to drive away the second he sat his ass down in the car. There was comfort in that. Ronan shot Gansey a /look/ that Gansey reciprocated with a meaningful twist of his mouth -- of course, it said, there wasn't a world in which Ronan wouldn't come walking, if not running, back. He only stopped walking when there was all but an inch between Adam and him. "So tell me what that means," he said, raw and fucking booming, amplified by the lack of space. "What the fuck does it mean to you if I 'pick' you? What do you want from me?" Amplified yet more with every word, until 'from' was a loud growl and 'me' a thundering shout. Adam's betrayal may have been misinterpreted, but that didn't mean it wasn't still cutting Ronan's chest, his heart, his pride -- aided by months of pent up pondering and hope, nights stayed up figuring out intentions, talking himself out of doing something stupid as shit like texting the wrong person to take the wrong things out on. "Tell me what you fucking want, Parrish, or I swear to God, I'll --" Ronan didn't actually knew what he would do. He sounded less dangerous than boisterous without a real threat in the sentence.

You: ​Adam was an inch smaller than Ronan, which Ronan had never let him forgot in the three years they'd been friends, and Adam was aware of it now as he glared up at the other, pushing back his shoulders and straightening up. He tried not to wince when Ronan's voice rose, too used to loud voices up in his face - but this time, it wasn't to tell him that he was useless, or worthless or to get the fuck out of the house. It was to beg for him to understand, to give an answer. To just tell Ronan what he /wanted/. He almost replied that he didn't know, but it only would've been half-true. He didn't know exactly what he wanted, but he recognised the feeling in his chest when he saw the bruises on Ronan's neck, both finger and mouth shaped. He was jealous, furiously so, but that was buried somewhere deep underneath the feeling of hurt. Gansey was lingering somewhere behind them and Adam found himself wishing that they could do this in private, but he'd forfeited that right when he'd refused to answer Ronan just hours before, in the comfort of his box-sized room at St Agnes. "I want to try." He steadied his gaze on Ronan, feeling a blush burning his fair skin. He didn't know how to do this. "I'm not going to promise that I'll know how to - to handle this stuff, and. I don't know how much of myself I can give away, but I want to try." Adam heard the slam of the Camaro car behind him as Gansey got back into the drivers seat, giving them their privacy. It seemed that Kavinsky had done the same, but Adam could see from here that the window was rolled down. Kavinsky's gaze was straight-forward, arms loose on the steering wheel, but the bite of his jaw gave away his eaves-dropping. The hitch in Ronan's breath dragged Adam's gaze back and he resisted the urge to reach up and wipe Ronan's face, knew it would embarrass him more than anyway. He pretended to ignore it. "You. I want - I want you. In whatever way we can." 

Stranger: Maybe the flip Ronan's stomach -- the three flips, actually, total 360s that would've made any professional acrobat green in the fucking face, but Ronan wasn't about to admit that -- would've been enough two, three days ago. It would've shut him up and made him meekly reach for Adam's hand, remember, shove his hand in his pocket. Adam looked devastated. Ronan /was/ devastated. And relentless. "What's the way /you/ want."

You: ​"Jesus, Ronan." Adam huffed, and then he kissed him. Not in the chaste way that Kavinsky had done just hours before, but not in the hungry way that K had either, not quite desperate, but with purpose. He could taste the hint of iron left behind by the split lip. With their chests pressed together, Adam could feel the hammer of Ronan's heat, matching his own. He'd always imagined his first kiss would be awkward and hesitant, but he fitted against Ronan like they'd always meant to end up here eventually. When the conversation hit an abrupt end, Kavinsky dropped the calm facade and snapped his head to the side, searching for the two of them in the dark. If anyone asked K what he'd felt as he watched Ronan's hands rest upon Adam's cheeks, he would say that he felt nothing. Maybe a little pissed that he hadn't managed to get any further with Ronan before they showed up, hadn't had a chance to test out those lips. He'd play it off with something crude and definitely not that he could feel his stomach twist, that he could feel a burn at the back of his throat. "Fuck this," K muttered under his breath, turned the car engine on and slammed his foot to the accelerator without taking off the hand-break, just to make the engine roar. He wasn't going to watch Ronan walk away again, fuck it. 

Stranger: The world went quiet. As did everything inside Ronan. It was as if he'd suddenly be thrown, had suddenly fallen, tripped gently, into a deep, deep lake. The dashes of noise he did catch -- a bird flying past, wheels crackling over concrete, trees rustling -- all came back to him in slow motion and sounding very far away. Like fucking whale songs or some shit, he thought as Adam's hands fit around his waste with confident precision. Ronan's mind, for the first time that night, was entirely quiet. Sure, the quiet was punctuated by the his breath catching; his lips catching Adam's, again and again and again, hungry and relieved and needy; and finally by the soft thud of Ronan's forehead falling against Adam's. "Oh," just above a whisper. His face was uncomfortably wet in the breeze that was picking up. His heart was glowing softly. He didn't want to uncurl his arms that had loosely folded themselves around Adam's neck. Didn't want to pick up the metaphorical needle and prick the bubble around them to little specks of foam. It was bad enough Ronan knew he fucked up in the worst possible way, that he was ashamed. It was worse that it was Kavinsky he was ashamed of. Kavinsky, who deserved a lot of the shit he got, but who, underneath it all, the shades, the pills, the sneers, was a person, too. He had no place here, though. Between Adam's eyes fluttering open and Ronan's heart stopping at the sight, between Ronan's nose nudging Adam's, Adam's smile at the fact. They were both trembling, still. Ronan wished he was wearing a jacket to put around Adam's shoulders. 

You: ​"Yeah," Adam breathed, voice so quiet it threatened to get lost behind the hum of the Camaro's engine. There was a sun where his heart should be, shining bright in his chest. All the concerns that he'd had - what would they do when he went to college, will Ronan be able to manage on his own, did Adam deserve this kind of love - fell away with each press of Ronan's lips. With his hands resting on the small of Ronan's back, he could feel the slight indents of what he knew were scratch marks, and ran the pad of his index finger over one of them. There was no more rage left inside of him, but that jealousy still buzzed somewhere inside of him, knew that Ronan could see it in his eyes. With the prompt, he turned his head to watch Kavinsky who was beginning to pull out of the field, furious hands wiping at his face. Adam couldn't see from here, but he also didn't believe that K knew /how/ to cry. A kiss to his temple pulled him back here. To Ronan. /Ronan./ "You gonna come home now?" 

Stranger: Something had changed in Adam's eyes when they found Ronan's again. Where there had only been bliss before, there now was something like dedication, too. Something like pride, like possessiveness. Ronan vowed to himself he wouldn't look back, needed little convincing to drag his gaze away from Adam, anyway. It wasn't fair, but he /had/ gotten what he wanted. Exactly what he wanted. As long as he didn't consider how Kavinsky had poured his heart into the scratches on his back. Ronan wondered what Adam's nails would feel like -- felt heat pink bloom up his towards his ears, hid his face in Adam's neck. Adam smelled like sweat and cheap, green soap -- which was to say, like childhood summers. Ronan sighed into him, and nodded. 

You: ​Gansey said nothing as the two of them got into the Camaro - Ronan in the passenger seat and Adam in the middle at the back. He didn't mention how his anxiety slipped away as his two friends fit into their places so well, where they were supposed to be. Ronan to his side and Adam right there, between the two of them. He returned Ronan's sheepish, small smile with a fixed look and a kind one back. There had been no doubt in Gansey's mind that Ronan would've picked them, in the end. But he'd been unsure to how tonight itself would go, especially with the freshness of Kavinsky, something new in his eyes. Something more than just a need to piss off the world. Discomfort twisted in Gansey's gut at the implications of what that could have meant if Ronan had reciprocated those feelings, more than the bite marks on his neck, which were now being covered hastily as Ronan tugged his shirt back on. The Mitsubishi, usually silent and stealth, now ripped its way out of the feel, engine roaring with the promise of danger to come. Gansey hoped, absently as he turned his own key in the slot, that Kavinsky wouldn't burn himself up with the fire he was going to try to light on Ronan. Before K had left, he'd pulled out his phone with trembling fingers -- definitely more to do with the half-bag of coke he'd just emptied down his nose, nothing to do with Ronan -- and typed out a simple message. "I'm going to fucking burn you." He knew the threat wouldn't carry the same weight it would've before this night, before he'd emptied his fucking heart to Ronan and begged him to understand, before he'd pressed his lips to the others, over and over and over again, with something more than just lust. Kavinsky felt sick at all he had given to Lynch. All the parts of him that he'd exposed, and he vowed to never let anybody see those broken, beautiful parts of him again. 

Destiel #44

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi! You both like destiel. You: [College!AU. Drunk!Cas. Cas and Dean broke up 3 months ago and Cas just found out that he's is dating Lisa. This message is supposed to be for Lisa, but you can either reply as her or Dean, if he read the message on her phone, etc. It’s up to you! ]

Hey, Lisa. So, uh. There’s just a couple things that I need you to know. CN
Dean has nightmares sometimes. Like, really bad nightmares. If that happens, try and take his mind off it. Making him laugh as much as possible is the best way to go. CN
If it’s late and he starts squinting his eyes a lot, he’s not tired. He just needs to take his contacts out. He forgets a lot. CN
There are times when he’s not gonna want to talk to you. You’ll take it personally. Don’t. He just needs some space. CN
Don’t forget to tell him you love him. He’ll forget. Make sure he knows. CN
Don’t ask about his parents. He’ll tell you when he’s ready. CN
Losing him will be the worst pain you could possibly imagine. Don’t ever let him go. CN
He will love you like nobody else ever has. Please do the same for him. He deserves the world. CN
If you do all of this, you’ll never have to ask for anything ever again. CN Stranger: (Reading!) You: (Thanks!) Stranger: (That is the most adorable and heartbreaking thing. Damn you. I just need to reply!) You: (It broke me to write. Take your time!) Stranger: Castiel, you need to back off. LB You: I didn't mean any offence. CN You: I apologise if it came off as such. CN Stranger: What me and Dean do is nothing to do with you, not anymore. I don't want you talking to him, or anything. LB You: Right, yes. I know that. I just wanted to ensure that he was happy. I didn't know that you would get angry. CN
I haven't spoken to him since he left. I won't. CN Stranger: He's fine. What he needs is to forget you existed and stop those stupid habits you encouraged. LB You: Encouraged? I don't know what you mean. CN Stranger: Hiding away when he should be talking and the rest of that emotional constipation. He's not a child and now he's with me, he's going to grow up. LB Stranger: You were a phase, Castiel. He's over you. LB You: Forcing him to speak to you won't do any good. CN You: I'm well aware that he's over me, thank you. CN Stranger: It will when he realises that you encouraging him to take so much time was a mistake. LB Stranger: I don't even know why he was with you. LB You: You've made your point, Lisa. I didn't text you to argue. This was clearly a mistake. CN Stranger: You need to leave both of us alone. He's not ever going to get back with you. Ever. LB You: (No Reply) Stranger: [2am, from Dean's phone] I know you don't wanna hear from me and I get it, but I saw your texts earlier and I wanted to say sorry. Lisa shouldn't've talked to you like that. Sorry. DW You: It's okay. She was right. I was stepping over the line. CN Stranger: She was being a bitch. I'm still sorry. DW You: It's still okay. CN Stranger: Anyway. I hope you're okay. DW You: I'm getting there. CN
I probably shouldn't be talking to you. CN Stranger: Yeah. I ain't helping. DW
Take care of yourself, Cas. DW You: Lisa won't like it. Ha. CN
You, too. Don't let her force you into speaking about anything you don't want to. CN Stranger: I can talk to whoever I wanna talk to. She ain't my keeper. DW
And I won't. Thanks. DW You: And I'm sorry. For whatever I did that made you leave. CN
You didn't give me a chance to apologise. CN Stranger: You didn't do anything wrong. You don't gotta apologise. It was me. DW You: Well, still. I'd feel better if you'd accept my apology. CN Stranger: I can't take an apology over nothing. DW You: Fine. Stubborn. CN Stranger: Ass. DW You: Rude. CN Stranger: Always. DW You: Freckles. CN Stranger: We playing word association? DW You: Yep. CN You: Deal with it. CN Stranger: Poker. DW You: Money. CN Stranger: Car. DW You: Impala. CN Stranger: Road. DW You: Home. CN Stranger: [delayed] I'm real sorry, Cas. For everything. DW You: Well that isn't associated with home. CN Stranger: It was. DW You: Dean. CN Stranger: Cas? DW You: Don't say things like that. CN Stranger: Yeah. You're right. Sorry. DW You: It's okay. For everything. CN Stranger: Really shouldn't be texting you this time of night. DW You: Why not? CN Stranger: I'm in bed in the dark smiling and texting you. DW You: Bet you look cute, though. CN
Is Lisa there? CN Stranger: I'm not cute. DW
And no. I'm at home. DW Stranger: I read that stuff and I had to get out of there. Be on my own a while. DW You: I don't think she meant any harm by it. CN Stranger: You didn't deserve that. DW Stranger: I never lied to her, Cas. I never said you were an asshole or anything like that, I swear. She knows it was all my fault. DW You: No, no. That thought never crossed my mind. I knew you wouldn't say anything bad about me. CN
Maybe she was right, you know. Maybe I encouraged you to be like, isolated. Maybe that was wrong. CN Stranger: I was never isolated when I was with you. DW You: She is kinda a bitch, tho. CN Stranger: Yeah, she is. DW You: So. Is this a good time for me to ask why you left, or not? CN Stranger: [delayed] I freaked out, Cas. DW You: [delayed] Wait. Did you.. see the ring? CN Stranger: I couldn't let you do it, throw your life away like that. DW You: What are you talking about? You /were/ my life. I had it all planned, all with you. CN Stranger: You deserve better. I always knew you did. I couldn't do that to you, Cas, not when there's someone out there that's perfect for you. DW You: You're it for me. CN Stranger: I'm not. C'mon, man. I'm the egotistical jerk, remember? I won't let you do something you'll regret. DW You: I said you can come across that way. You put up a front. CN You: The only thing I regret is letting you leave. DW Stranger: It was the right decision. DW You: Anyone that I meet now will just be a step down. CN Stranger: You'll find someone, Cas. You'll be so happy. DW You: I was happy with you. CN Stranger: You did everything for me and I couldn't give you anything back. DW You: You made me happy. Wasn't that enough? CN Stranger: You deserve more. DW You: Well. I'm not happy anymore. So. CN Stranger: I'm sorry. DW You: Me too. CN Stranger: [delayed] I'm supposed to be able to think of something funny to say here. DW You: And then I'm supposed to come back with a snark remark. CN Stranger: And I joke and tell you that you're a dick. DW You: And I say you love me anyway. CN Stranger: And I'll tell you that I do. DW You: [delayed] Be happy with her. CN Stranger: [delayed] I'm so fucking sorry. DW You: I know. CN Stranger: Cas. DW You: Hm? CN Stranger: I don't want you to stop texting. DW You: Okay. I won't. CN Stranger: Okay. Good. Thanks. Sorry. DW You: Stop saying sorry. CN Stranger: Sorry for saying sorry. DW You: Idiot. CN Stranger: Asshole. DW You: God. We sound like you and Sam. CN Stranger: I fucking hope not. DW You: Dean. I am gonna have to stop texting eventually, you know? CN You: Like for good. CN Stranger: I don't want that. DW You: Me neither. CN Stranger: So don't stop. DW You: I have to. You're not mine anymore. CN You: Mine to text, I mean. CN Stranger: [an hour later] I miss you. DW You: Stop it. CN Stranger: I fucking do. DW You: You're not allowed to. It's against the rules. CN Stranger: I can't even sleep on the right side of my own fucking bed. DW You: Can't even sleep in mine anymore. CN Stranger: I dunno what to do. DW You: I got a puppy. CN Stranger: Oh. Okay. DW You: Sorry. Thought we needed a topic change. CN Stranger: You're right. I shouldn't've texted you. Shouldn't've asked you to keep texting. I'm an asshole. DW You: I want to text you. Every fucking minute of every day. I want you here. Home. Where you're supposed to be. CN Stranger: [delayed] I hurt you. You can't forgive that, Cas. DW You: You were scared. I can definitely forgive that. CN Stranger: It's been three months. DW You: And 16 days. CN Stranger: How can you forgive me? DW You: Because I love you. And I know you didn't do it to intentionally hurt me. CN Stranger: I love you, Cas. DW
I wanna come home. DW You: You can. CN
If you can escape the wrath of Lisa. CN Stranger: You're real funny, Novak. DW You: Oh, I'm not joking. CN Stranger: I don't care. DW
I just need to see you. DW You: Okay. CN Stranger: Okay? DW You: Yup. CN Stranger: It's late. I can wait until tomorrow. You'll wanna sleep. DW You: Don't you dare make me wait another day. CN Stranger: Right now? DW You: Right now. CN Stranger: I'll get a bag. Pick up the rest of my stuff tomorrow. DW You: I'm so excited. We have so much stuff to do. CN
Like watch the rest of Doctor Who. And eat ice cream. And that's pretty much it. CN Stranger: And kiss you. DW You: Of course. Lot of kissing to make up for. CN Stranger: And get into the shower first before you steal all my hot water. DW You: Hey, there's plenty of room for both of us. CN Stranger: I know. I'm on my way. DW You: Good. CN Stranger: (I'm sorry, I need to dive off, but this was so sweet, so thank you! Have a great night!) You: (No problem. You too!) You have disconnected.

Prompts

[Set the morning after The Prank. Est. James already told Remus what happened because Sirius, my problematic babe, didn’t come up to tell Remus himself.]

James has told you, right? SB Yeah, yeah. Of course he has. Of course. /Shit./ SB Let me explain, alright? This was never supposed to happen - not like this. Snape was always just, you know. In our business and spying on us. I just wanted to scare him a little. Please, Rem. I’ve been driving myself crazy. James has given me a right bollocking and now he won’t even speak to me. Please. SB

[tell me if we disconnected!]

[College AU. Dean and Cas broke up a few months ago. Dean is now dating Lisa. Drunk Cas] You know, there isn’t aaaanything she’s giving you that I couldn’t give you, too. Give you better, even. Plus, she doesn’t even have pretty eyes. I have pretty eyes. CN

[Marriage/Human AU] I’m aware that our marriage isn’t exactly what it used to be, but sending divorce papers to my work? Really? You didn’t even mention getting one, you asshole. CN

[Sixth year. They’ve just returned to Hogwarts. Remus still isn’t speak to Sirius after The Prank at the end of fifth year. Sirius is handling it in an extremely healthy way, and got ridiculously drunk. 2:39 am] You know. You have to talk to me one day. This cannot go on forever, it simply can’t. SB

[Summer break before sixth year. Remus broke up with Sirius and still isn’t speaking to him after The Prank at the end of fifth year. Sirius has just ran away from home and shown up at the Potters, completely out of it and badly injured. Feel free to make Remus a bit off to begin with. He is still upset, after all!] Something happened with Sirius. Before you say it, I know you’re not talking to or about him but it’s serious this time. He’s just shown up at mine. He’s - I don’t know, weird. He won’t talk. I think he’s ran away from home. JP

Heard you’re fucking trailer trash boy. Finally. So happy for you. JK

[post trk. adam has gone to college. gansey’s still around but spends a lot of time travelling with blue and henry. established] Henrietta is so fucking boring without you. RL

[AU where Gansey never saved Ronan after what happened to Niall. Instead, he joined Kavinsky’s pack. Adam, Blue, Noah and Gansey are still all friends, but Ronan left before Adam joined. Message sent to Ronan.] Tell your fucking boyfriend to quit texting Gansey. Leave him alone. AP

[Ronan lived with Kavinsky and the boys for a couple months before moving back in with Gansey. Whilst there, Ronan and the boys developed a friendship, and him and K had a bit of a thing. Everything kinda went sour when Ronan left. Drugs/Overdose warning] Kav’s took too much coke. Gonna take him to the hospital. J

[Let me know if we lost this. Ronan lived with Kavinsky and the boys for a couple months before moving back in with Gansey. Whilst there, Ronan and the boys developed a friendship, and him and K had a bit of a thing. Everything kinda went sour when Ronan left. Drugs/Overdose warning] Kav’s took too much coke. Gonna take him to the hospital. J

[AU where Gansey never saved Ronan after what happened to Niall. Instead, he joined Kavinsky’s pack. Adam, Blue, Noah and Gansey are still all friends, but Ronan left before Adam joined. Ronan and Kavinsky have developed a bit of a thing, but recently K noticed that Ronan’s been staring at Adam a lot.] You want Parrish, baby? JK

[ronan and adam broke up when adam went off to college. ronan just heard that adam’s going on a date. if we were just rping this, let me know. my wifi clocked out] Were you going to tell me you’re going on a date or did you just expect Gansey to pass on the good news? RL

[Non-Magic/Human AU. Please say if you’re reading] University was quickly approaching, and the boys were completing their final summer working at Warwick Castle, the beloved architecture they had grown to call home. The four of them sat at the back of the Great Hall, tucked away beside a fireplace bigger than Peter’s bedroom. All 18 years old and on the brink of adulthood, this was to be their final summer working at the historic castle before leaving for separate universities, separate apartments, separate lives. Separate had always been a word that didn’t apply to them, but now it was pressing against the four uncomfortably. “What an absolute stud,” breathed Sirius Black, lifting his half-full glass of fireball whiskey in the direction of one Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore - current Earl of Warwick, presently engaged in a bordering-on-violent game of Connect 4 with a teenager at the annual ‘welcome back’ party of the summer. (Basically, the four boys work at Warwick Castle. The idea of the castle is to present as an actual medieval castle for children to enjoy, but also a historical artefact for those who are interested in history. Sirius and James are actors, playing the role of knights in pretend sword-fights to entertain the children. Remus does research about the castle and conducts the rare tour. Peter runs the ice cream truck. This is LARGELY based off the fanfic Long Live Living If Living Can Be This. If you haven’t read it, you should! This can go anywhere you want. I just thought it’d be a fun thing to try out, either short or long term. I was thinking of playing Sirius and you could do Remus. We can share the rest.)

Pynch #1

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi! You both like pynch, and rovinsky. You: [ronan and adam broke up when adam went off to college. ronan just heard that adam’s going on a date.] Were you going to tell me you’re going on a date or did you just expect Gansey to pass on the good news? RL Stranger: Frankly? I didn't realize that you needed to be involved this time. AP You: So you just thought you'd tell my best friend, who you knew would pass on the information? Classy as always, Parrish. RL Stranger: Gansey is my friend too. AP
I did not expect him to talk to you about it. AP
Certainly not so soon. AP You: Can always rely on Gansey to be punctual. RL
Who is it? The guy from your class who always wears stupid jumpers? RL Stranger: No one you know. AP You: Try me. RL
Name? RL Stranger: Are you trying to Google them? AP You: Do you blame me? You could be going out with a fucking psycho. RL Stranger: You're acting pretty fucking psycho yourself. AP You: Fuck you. RL
What's his name? RL Stranger: Her. AP You: Her. RL Stranger: Did you forget that I like girls too? AP You: Don't try that. RL
I don't care what fucking gender you decide to date. RL Stranger: Why are we fighting right now? AP You: Whatever. RL Stranger: You can't vague your way out of this, Lynch. AP You: Just. RL
It's pissing me off that you're managing to move on. RL You: Not that I thought you'd be hung up on me for a while, but still. RL
Whatever. It's dumb. Fuck this. RL Stranger: It's one date, Lynch. AP You: Sure. RL Stranger: Don't "sure" me. AP
Why would I lie about this? AP You: Don't think you're lying. Jesus. RL
Just - I can't imagine going on a date. We're just at different points, I guess. More pissed at myself than you. RL
Just taking it out on you. As always. RL Stranger: That's because you don't date the way any other person does. AP
You know that. Don't play dumb. AP You: Yeah, okay. RL
Ignore me. RL Stranger: I would never want to do that. AP You: [no reply] Stranger: [5 hrs later] Can I ask you about Opal? AP You: Mhm. Keep the questions short, I'm fucked. RL Stranger: You're drunk. AP You: Ding ding. RL Stranger: Goodnight Ronan. AP You: Ask me about Opal. RL Stranger: I don't want to talk to you when you're like this. AP You: Ask me about Opal. RL Stranger: I said goodnight. AP You: She's doing a lot better with her talking. Not getting words mixed up as much. RL
Asks about you a lot, but she's getting better at relationships. She's warming to Gansey. RL Stranger: Where is she now? AP You: Downstairs, I think. She likes talking to the cows. RL Stranger: Do you drink a lot around her? AP You: No. Been tryna get clean. RL Stranger: Go to bed, Ronan. AP Stranger: Make sure Opal gets tucked in too. AP You: Blue gave her these fingerless gloves. Ugliest thing I've ever seen, but she won't take them off. RL Stranger: I'm not going to say it again. AP You: Keep trying to buy her nice clothes, but she won't let me. Just steals from Blue's closet all the time. RL
Fuckin' blue. I've told her to stop bringing round her ripped and useless clothing. RL Stranger: Most of your pants are ripped. AP You: I don't care if I get cold. Need her to have practical clothing. RL Stranger: Don't drink anymore tonight. AP You: It's just tonight. RL Stranger: No more. AP You: You're miles away, Adam. RL Stranger: What's your point? AP You: If I wanna drink more, you're miles away. RL Stranger: I was never interested in intimidating you into doing something you didn't want to do. AP You: Are you saying I was? RL Stranger: No. AP
I'm saying proximity doesn't matter. AP
I hope you make the right choice. AP You: Don't hold your breath. RL Stranger: Talk to you some other time. AP You: How'd the date go? RL Stranger: [no reply] You: Do you like her? RL Stranger: [no reply] You: Are you going to see her again? RL Stranger: Ronan, stop. AP You: Give me something. RL Stranger: It doesn't concern you. AP You: Please. RL Stranger: Get in bed. AP You: I will, if you tell me how it went. RL Stranger: Tuck Opal in first. AP You: [twenty minutes later] Sorry, she wanted a story. RL Stranger: Don't apologize for that. AP You: How'd it go? RL Stranger: Are you in bed? AP You: Yeah. RL Stranger: Did you bring a beer? AP You: [delayed] Just tell me how it went, Adam. RL Stranger: Are you still drinking? AP You: Tell me. RL Stranger: Put it down. AP You: Tell me first. RL Stranger: No. AP You: Fuck sake. RL
Will you just fucking tell me? RL Stranger: Once you promise me that you're done for the night. AP You: Depends on your answer. RL Stranger: Doesn't work that way. AP You: Please, Adam. RL Stranger: Don't give me that. AP You: Please. RL Stranger: Ronan. AP You: No. I'm not gonna stop. RL Stranger: Rest easy. AP You: Fuck you. RL Stranger: [no reply] You: Adam. RL Stranger: I need you to go to bed right now. And wake up in the morning, have some water, and make the two of you breakfast. AP You: I need you to tell me how the date went. RL Technical error: Lost contact with server, and couldn't reach it after 3 tries. Sorry. :( Omegle understands if you hate it now, but Omegle still loves you.

Rovinsky #4

ou're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi! You both like pynch, rovinsky, and wolfstar. You: [AU where Gansey never saved Ronan after what happened to Niall. Instead, he joined Kavinsky’s pack. Adam, Blue, Noah and Gansey are still all friends, but Ronan left before Adam joined. Ronan and Kavinsky have developed a bit of a thing, but recently K noticed that Ronan’s been staring at Adam a lot.] You want Parrish, baby? JK Stranger: Don't know what you're talking about. RL You: Don't play dumb. Seen you staring at him. JK Stranger: I guess he's nice to look at. RL You: Not getting enough from us? JK Stranger: Course I am. RL You: Should've stuck with Dick. Parrish follows him round like a little lapdog. Could've wormed your way in. JK Stranger: It's not like that. RL You: So, what's it like? Enlighten me. JK Stranger: He's just nice to look at. RL You: You don't wanna fuck him? JK Stranger: No. RL You: Feel like that's a lie. JK Stranger: I don't lie. RL You: You want him to fuck you? JK Stranger: Perhaps. RL You: [delayed] So ask him, then. JK Stranger: Why would I do that? RL You: You want a fuck. Why wouldn't you do that? JK
He probably knows. Probably seen you staring at him in class. All the fucking time. JK Stranger: Because he doesn't want me like that. RL You: Sure he fucking does. JK Stranger: Says who? RL You: You're really that blind? He stares at you just as much as you do him. JK You: Go ahead. Get your kicks. JK Stranger: I get my kicks from you guys. RL You: Clearly not enough. JK Stranger: Says you. RL You: What's that mean? JK Stranger: It's not like I'm the only person you're into. RL You: You and the boys. JK Stranger: Yeah. That's all I need too. RL You: So, stop looking at him all the time. JK Stranger: Alright. Fine. I'll try. Rl You: You brave soul. JK Stranger: Shut up. RL You: He's not even that pretty. JK Stranger: Isn't he? RL You: No. JK Stranger: I think you're just jealous. RL You: Of white trash? Really? JK Stranger: Yeah. RL You: Got better people to be jealous of. JK Stranger: Like? RL You: Plenty of people want you. JK Stranger: Don't talk shit. RL You: Come on. You know it's true. JK
Especially at the pill parties. Fucking all of them. JK Stranger: It's because I'm a hot piece of ass. RL You: Don't we fucking know it. JK Stranger: Do something about it. RL You: Like what, huh? JK Stranger: What do you think? RL You: Two options. I could singlehandedly go round and beat the shit out of every guy that gives you a second look. JK Stranger: Second option? RL You: Come home and I'll show you. JK Stranger: What good will that do? RL You: Come the fuck home. JK Stranger: Make me. RL You: Where are you? With Parrish, hm? JK Stranger: No. RL You: Where? JK Stranger: Nino's. RL You: With? JK Stranger: Jiang. Proko. RL You: Boring JK You: Boring.* Stranger: They're boring. RL You: So, come home. JK Stranger: I've not finished my shake. RL You: Fuck your shake. JK Stranger: Ew. No. RL You: I'm coming to get you. JK Stranger: Why? RL You: Wanna fuck. JK Stranger: I wanna finish my shake. RL You: Better hurry up then. JK Stranger: Or what? You'll drag me out of nino's? RL You: Possibly. JK Stranger: Don't think you can. RL You: Try me. JK Stranger: You're not strong enough. RL You: Then I'll just fuck you at Ninos. JK Stranger: Ha. Sure. RL You: [slight delay] Proko's informed me that Dick and his pals have showed up. JK Stranger: So? RL You: Just saying. JK Stranger: They're allowed to be in the same place as me. RL You: Never said they weren't. Just observation. JK Stranger: I guess they want a shake too. RL You: Guess they do. JK You: [to jiang] Does he keep looking at him? JK Stranger: Yeah. J You: Mhm. Thought so. JK Stranger: Want me to do something about it? J You: The fuck can you do? Lynch is hot for trailer boy. JK Stranger: I can slap some sense into him. J You: Love to see you try. JK Stranger: Why? J You: He's wanted him for ages. Since Parrish joined Dick's band of merry men. JK Stranger: Doesn't mean I can't do something about it. J You: What you gonna do, hm? JK Stranger: I told you. I'll slap some sense into him. J You: Go ahead. JK Stranger: You don't mind. J Stranger: Mind? You: Took a bunch of shit. I'm open to anything. Slap him around. JK Stranger: You wanna wait til you're here so you can watch? J You: Yeah. Give me five. JK Stranger: K. J You: Is that okay or K as in Kavinsky? JK Stranger: Ok. J You: [paras?] Stranger: (sure!) You: Kavinsky had seen the drug-driving limit, and he had smashed it - twice over. Honestly, he didn't blame himself. The other boys had been out all day and he was bored, out of his mind bored. If his boys weren't there to keep him entertained, coke always was. "How healthy," K mumbled to himself as he climbed out of his car, taking a moment to register how proud of himself he was for making it to Nino's without an injury. He could see the three boys heading out now, Proko in the front. From behind them, he could always spot fucking Dick Gansey and his followers. Parrish was /still/ watching Ronan, following him out of the diner with eager eyes. It set K's blood on fire. Stranger: (brb one sec) You: (no worries!) Stranger has disconnected.

Rovinsky #3

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi! You both like pynch, rovinsky, and drarry. You: [Ronan lived with Kavinsky and the boys for a couple months before moving back in with Gansey. Whilst there, Ronan and the boys developed a friendship, and him and K had a bit of a thing. Everything kinda went sour when Ronan left. Drugs/Overdose warning] Kav’s took too much coke. Gonna take him to the hospital. J Stranger: Again? Fucking hell. RL You: Yeah. Don't know what the fuck's wrong with him. J
Second time this month. J Stranger: The hospital's gonna try and fucking hold him to get him to detox. R Stranger: You gonna try and make him stay? R You: Not gonna make him do anything he doesn't want to do. J Stranger: Jesus Christ. He's not going to fucking wake up one day, man. R Stranger: I'll meet you guys at the fucking hospital. R Stranger: I need you to fucking back me up. R You: I'm not letting them throw him in some fucking mental hospital. Or rehab, or whatever the fuck it is. J Stranger: You think I'm gonna fucking let them do that? Jesus, man. RL Stranger: Look, he needs to fucking detox. One way or another. There's fucking options. R You: Since when do you give a fuck about K? J Stranger: He's gonna fucking kill himself. R You: Swan and Skov want to beat the shit out of you, by the way. So. Be careful, coming here. J Stranger: They can fucking try. R Stranger: I don't give a fuck. Kav's gonna be dead before the fucking year is up if he keeps doing this shit. R You: No fighting. J You: No fucking fighting. J Stranger: You think they're gonna fuckin listen? R Stranger: I don't give a fuck about that. R Stranger: K is gonna fucking die. R Stranger: We can't let that happen. R You: Don't come. It's just gonna cause shit. J You: We've got him. J Stranger: No, you fucking don't. R Stranger: How many fucking times have you let him take way too much shit? R Stranger: He's spiraling, man. R You: Don't you fucking dare, Lynch. Don't fucking dare. J
We looked after him before you were here and we'll look after him long after you've fucked off back to your owner. J Stranger: You fucking think I wanted to choose? R You: You made your choice. J Stranger: It didn't have to be a fucking choice, and you /know/ that. R Stranger: You fucking saw what that asshole meant to me. R Stranger: What you all did. R Stranger: So don't fucking give me that bullshit. R Stranger: He made me leave. R You: It could never be both of them. Gansey and K. J
Adam and K. J Stranger: The all of us worked. R You: Yeah, 'cause we're a family. J Stranger: And he made me leave. R Stranger: Because I missed my friends. R Stranger: That sound like fucking family to you? R You: He made you leave because you were seeing them again. Because we all saw the way Parrish was looking at you. Not just K, all of us. J
And he didn't make you leave. He made you choose. J Stranger: Kav didn't give a fuck about the way I was looking at him. The way I was looking at all of you. R Stranger: He's a jealous fuck, and he couldn't fucking handle that I had other friends. R Stranger: He made me /leave/. R You: He made you choose. J Stranger: I never fucking wanted to go. R You: It was always going to be with him or against him. You know that. J Stranger: I was with him. R Stranger: I wanted to be. R Stranger: Until I fucking died. R Stranger: He forced me to fucking leave. R You: Well, you're seeing Parrish now, so guess it all worked out in your favour, huh? J Stranger: We're not fucking dating. R You: Got better shit to worry about. J Stranger: Fuck this. I don't need to prove shit to you. R Stranger: I'll be at the fucking hospital. R You: Your funeral. J Stranger: [Paras?] You: [yeah, sure!] Stranger: [do you wanna start?] You: [sure!] Stranger: [<3] You: "Stay a-fucking-wake, K." Swan mumbled, keeping Kavinsky's head inclined slightly in case he was sick. Jiang, Swan and Proko were sat in the back of the Mitsubishi with K sprawled across their laps, with Skov driving. "Proko, I'm really going to need you to stop fucking crying. You're stressing everyone out." Jiang snapped as they were piling out of the car, but he pulled the frightened other into his side anyway. They went straight through emergency and Kavinsky was rushed off on some shitty hospital bed, with needles being injected into his collapsing veins and hands pressing against his chest to try and keep him alive. It was twenty minutes later when Lynch showed up, the four boys waiting in a private room. "What the fuck is he doing here?" Swan was the first to spot him, on his feet in seconds. Skov followed quickly. Stranger: (pROKO) You: (HE FUCKING LOVES K SO MUCH) Stranger: (I LOVE HIM, HE'S SUCH A POOR BABY) Stranger: Kavinsky had wormed his way into Ronan's thoughts like rot, sending decay through his flesh, ruining him. It had started with dream things, bloody fists, and the smell of exhaust in the dark Henrietta air; their meeting –two dreamers with their fare share of nightmares– never should have been. The instant friction between them was more than enough of a warning sign. The instant dislike that Kavinsky left on Ronan tasted like a mouthful of gravel after a lost fight (like a lip, bitten through, like smoke filling the inside of a running car, like saltwater in his lungs, like a game of chess with gods.) Ronan Lynch had never learned how to walk away from war. The boys – the lost boys that had bound themselves together with smoke and blood and ink made Ronan feel like home, made him feel like he'd had a family for the first time since– since. But Gansey and Parrish and Blue and Cheng – they were family too. K hadn't understood that there was room in Ronan for both. When he got the text, the second time in as many months, he felt his stomach drop out from underneath him, his heart stop. His breath sent aches through his chest, phantom pains. Would this be the last time? Kavinsky was a natural disaster, a hurricane, a volcano, and a tsunami all rolled up in one fragile frame, desperate for his own undoing. Ronan would fight the fucking wind if it meant having K alive. "Where the fuck is he?" You: This was never going to end well, no matter the situation. The boys had grown a family from an absence of their own, from too many drugs and too little care for their own existence. Letting Ronan in had shifted something for all of them - it had taken months of Kavinsky persuading them to bring in someone else. Proko got jealous, Swan and Skov were cautious. They'd all lost too many people and when Lynch had packed his shit and left in Gansey's fucking Camaro, it had splintered something in all of them. Jiang could understand it, Proko tried not to feel relieved. Swan and Skov dealt with it as they always did, they got angry. Kavinsky spiralled. Took twice the amount of shit he was taking before, fought the boys more than he fucked them and apparently, took enough Coke to kill a small horse. They had a lot to thank Lynch for. "Why the fuck do you care?" Skov spat, taking a step forward and shoving Ronan back by his shoulder. Jiang thanked any fucking god that they had their own private room, that no staff would hopefully intervene four boys worrying over the fate of their friend. "Didn't care when you fucking left him, did you?" Skov added, pairing it with yet another shove. Stranger: Ronan's hands curled into fists at his sides. He wanted to shove Skov right back, slam the other boy into the wall and fucking– fucking curl his fingers around his shoulders, to collide their mouths together and see if the taste of him has changed. Ronan didn't just lose Kavinsky when he left – he'd lost them all. They had left a hole in his fucking chest that felt like a void he'd never be able to fill. It made him breathless, like he was sucking in air, on the edge of blacking out every moment of every day– he hasn't felt alive in months. "You think I don't fucking care?" Ronan snarled right back, stumbling back only slightly. "You're stupider than you fucking look if you think I don't give a damn. You know–– You fucking /know/––" Stranger: Ronan's hands curled into fists at his sides. He wanted to shove Skov right back, slam the other boy into the wall and fucking– fucking curl his fingers around his shoulders, to collide their mouths together and see if the taste of him has changed. Ronan didn't just lose Kavinsky when he left – he'd lost them all. They had left a hole in his fucking chest that felt like a void he'd never be able to fill. It made him breathless, like he was sucking in air, on the edge of blacking out every moment of every day– he hasn't felt alive in months. "You think I don't fucking care?" Ronan snarled right back, stumbling back only slightly. "You're stupider than you fucking look if you think I don't give a damn. You know–– You fucking /know/––" You: (Be right back!) You: "Wanna know what I know?" Swan stepped in, voice slightly less frantic, but not lacking any anger. "Know what you picked them over him - over us. Know that since you left, K's been taking shit like there's no fucking tomorrow. Even fucking Proko misses you. You fucking /left/, Lynch. You don't get to just decide when you wanna be part of this again." Jiang sat back against his seat, silent. Part of him wanted to defend Ronan - wanted to tell the others that, yes, fucking hell - he left. But the others were his family as well. As much as they fucking hated Dick, he looked after his friends. The same way they were all doing for Kavinsky now. But the other part of him stopped this from happening - the betrayed part, the part that had stuck his fingers down K's throat countless times these past months to stop him from OD'ing. "You might as well fucking go. No one wants you here." Skov said, and it was a lie. They all did, but they wanted him /here/. Not just a part of him; they didn't want to share. Didn't want the taste of Parrish on him. You: (Did you get that?) Stranger has disconnected.

larry #7

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi! You both like larry rp. Stranger: (reading?) [Harry Styles runs the mafia. At age eighteen his father was killed in a tragic accident, and Harry stepped up to the plate. He has divisions in the UK, France, and America. The goings’s been tough, having fought for respect amongst men who snorted at such a young man assuming the role of his father. But Harry proved himself as ruthless, and cunning, and now the gang is making more money than it ever has before. Louis is his one weakness. An artist Harry’s age who stumbled upon Harry’s life by accident. They fell in love of their own accord, and when Harry finally confessed where his massive amounts of money came from, Louis never stumbled, only accepting Harry for who he was wholly and entirely. While that should have alarmed Harry, it didn’t, and he only let himself fall further in love with Louis. He shouldn’t have. — No, I’m not turning this into the classic sub Louis loves dominant gang member Harry. How boring. Current political climate: The mafia growing as large as it did has caught people’s attention, and there is a group struggling for power in the French sector of the gang. Harry has been handling it, but struggling as he did.His character is yours to enhance, and alter.] Be safe today. Won’t be stitching up any cuts you get. Going to have to fend for yourself for once. L You: [Reading] Stranger: (thanks. feel free to ask questions. They're both 25, met at 20.) You: Think I've forgotten how to look after myself. HS
What's with the sudden disinterest of catering to my every need and will? I'm hurt. HS Stranger: You're spoiled, is what you are. L Stranger: Just figured it's time you learn to tend to your own wounds while you bleed over the table. L You: I'm spoiled? What are you doing right this second? HS
Painting in your custom-built art studio? Maybe taking a bath? Throwing some bubbles in there too, huh? HS Stranger: You're cheating. L Stranger: That's cheating, I /told/ you I didn't need any of this. L You: But you deserve it. HS You: Still spoilt, though. HS Stranger: Gonna teach you how to sew yourself up, hm? L You: Then what will I keep you around for? HS Stranger: The sex and my exquisite paintings. L Stranger: And my ability to always, always outdrink you. L You: That's cheating. We both know the only reason I can't handle my drink is because I got shot in the liver a couple years ago. HS
It is. HS Stranger: Also because you're a lightweight. L You: I run the Mafia. HS Stranger: A lightweight who runs the mafia. L Stranger: And needs his boyfriend to fix all of his boo-boos. L You: If it's bothering you so much, I can happily hire a doctor. HS Stranger: I just want you able to take care of yourself, if it comes down to it. L You: What's that supposed to mean? Comes down to what? HS Stranger: Harry. L You: What? HS Stranger: Just. It's dangerous. Want to be careful. L You: I'm a big boy. HS Stranger: Gonna have to take care of yourself like one, then, darling. L You: Gonna be a couple of days, this job. Some of the boys will be round the house so invite whoever you want. HS Stranger: Couple of days? You didn't say that. L You: We didn't know how much shit needed to get done until we got here. I'll be as quick as I can. HS Stranger: Jesus. Okay. L Stranger: I mean it, H. Be safe. L You: Quit worrying. I'll be fine. HS Stranger: I always fucking worry. L You: Nothing to worry about. I'm hardcore. HS Stranger: You're hardcore to everyone else. I know you. And I worry. L You: I will be safe. I promise. HS Stranger: Okay. L Stranger: [next day// 4:23 am] Harry. L You: [4:34 am] Everything okay? HS Stranger: Someone's in the house. L Stranger: God. Fuck. L Stranger: Knew it. Had such a bad fucking feeling. L You: What? What do you mean? HS
What the fuck? Can you hear them? HS Stranger: Hiding in the wardrobe. There's, like. L Stranger: God. Eight. Fucking hell. They're paired off, checking the rooms. L You: They must've gotten past six of the fucking boys. I had them posted outside. HS
Alright. Alright, calm down. It's okay. I'm on the phone to Nick now. They're on their way. HS Stranger: Harry. L Stranger: Listen to me. L You: No. You're okay. HS You: Dont give me this shit. HS Stranger: Listen. L You: I'm not fucking listening to shit. HS You: You stay there and you keep your fucking mouth closed. HS Stranger: I love you. L Stranger: Okay? No matter what. L You: I love you, too. HS You: They're on their way. Okay? HS You: Two minutes, tops. HS Stranger: Not fast enough. L You: Shut up. Just. They might not know anyone's home. I'm away, maybe they think the house is empty. HS Stranger: [five minutes later// From: Nick] Boss. N You: [delayed] Fucking explain. HS Stranger: No one's here. N You: Not Louis? Did you check the fucking closets? HS You: Is anything else gone? Did they take anything? HS Stranger: No. Him. That's it. Wardrobe is trashed. He put up a fight. Scratched some numbers into the wardrobe. N You: What the fuck do they want with him? I'm gonna tear them fucking apart. HS
What are the numbers? HS Stranger: "488566 23522 01725394518 112517" L Stranger: *N Stranger: Bunch of gibberish, so far. We're working on it. N You: That doesn't mean shit to me. Get everyone on it. I mean everyone. HS
I'm getting the next flight home. HS Stranger: Don't. N You: Why not? HS Stranger: Sir, they're looking for a weakness from you, right now. Don't show anyone is getting to you. N You: Who is? Who the fuck is behind this? HS
Have you checked CCTV? HS Stranger: Wiped. They knew the passcodes. N You: The FUCK. HS You: We've got someone on the inside. HS Stranger: I don't want to make assumptions. Or freak you out. N You: Scrap what I said about getting everyone on this. I only want close-knit people in on this. Kin and originals. That's it. HS Stranger: But. We don't know what Louis told them. Cutting off a pinky is a pretty quick way to get passcodes. N Stranger: Right. Got it. N You: Like hell he'd tell them anything. Trust me. HS Stranger: Then only close knit people. No one we aren't positive about. N You: Exactly. People that were here from the start. When Dad was running shit. HS Stranger: Got it, Harry. N Stranger: That's... bring it down to a small group. Gonna be slow going. N You: We gotta be careful. HS Stranger: Whatever you say. N You: You got a better idea? HS Stranger: No. This works. N You: Then get on it. I'm flying back in two days. HS Stranger: Got it. See you then, boss. N Stranger: [11/25/17- Three months later. From: Unknown 1:23 am] You need to leave. Now. L You: Louis? HS
Is this Louis? HS Stranger: You need to get the fuck out. L You: What are you talking about? HS
Where are you? HS Stranger: The safe house. Leave. No. L Stranger: *Now. L You: You're gonna need to give me some more. HS Stranger: Leave. Explanation comes of its own accord. L You: Where shall I go? HS Stranger: Anywhere but the goddamned house you're at. Fucking hell. L Stranger: (Hey, I dunno if we've rped before but I do phone calls in a text style, if that's okay with you? Quotes for what's being spoken, brackets for sounds.) You: (Yeah, that's cool!) You: [twenty minutes later] Alright. I'm gone. What the fuck is going on? HS Stranger: Just keep an eye out. L You: What the fuck, Louis? Really. What the fuck? HS Stranger: [3:52 a// From: Nick] I don't know how the fuck you knew to leave your safe house, but it's up in flames. L Stranger: *N Stranger: Note left behind. From the french. They want a conference call. N You: Louis told me. Fucking text me and then vanished again. HS Stranger: Louis? N Stranger: What? How'd you know it was him? N You: Signed off with L. Told me to get out. HS
I mean, I'm just assuming it was him. HS Stranger: Harry. Sir. N Stranger: What's the likelihood of that? N You: Did I ask for your input? HS You: Really don't fucking remember doing so. HS Stranger: I'm trying to make a point. N You: Who else would it have been? HS Stranger: We'd know. If he were just alive and texting. N Stranger: I don't know. Maybe there's an insider for the french. Could be anyone. N You: Sorry. When did we come to the agreement that Louis isn't alive? HS Stranger: All I'm saying is that if he is alive, I don't think he's going to be well enough to be texting you. N Stranger: We've seen what these men can do. They aren't particularly merciful. N You: Keep it to your fucking self, Nick. HS
When's the conference call? HS Stranger: Tomorrow. Eleven am. They call you. N You: Wonderful. HS Stranger: Goodluck. N Stranger: [Next day. Current political climate: A leader has risen to the top of the french ranks, taking control of the chaos and harnessing it. There have been attacks against the U.K. with too much precision, it's been made clear there's a mole within Harry's ranks. The leaders are a couple, one man named Mathys and his partner, who has yet to be seen. // 10:58 am. Incoming call from: Unknown.] You: "I'm going to need you to tell me what you want. Leave out the theatrics." Stranger: [soft laugh, Mathy's voice] "Not even a set of introductions? Bit of a rude opener, don't you think?" You: "Not quite as rude as sending my property up in flames." [Harry moving the phone to the other ear.] "You've got my attention." Stranger: "It was a shame you got out so early. Unlucky call, on our part, I suppose. Darling, d'you care to tell the man what we want?" [soft breathing down another line, then Louis' voice] "Sixty percent of your income, U.K. and the States. We know how much you make, so you can't cheap out on us. We have the location of your men. All of them. Each day you refuse to sign the contract we've drawn up, ten of them die." You: (OH SHIT) Stranger: ( (: ) You: [Silence for a long time. Muttering from the background as the other boys try to ask what's happening. Harry's fist slamming against the table.] "I don't fucking negotiate." [Voice less harsh than before] Stranger: [Mathys laughing. Louis' voice, calm and cool.] "We know you don't. Which is why we didn't offer negotiations. And don't move your men. We have eyes, Mr. Styles. We aren't idiots. L You: [Harry standing up. Harsh, whispered order to one of the boys.] "The numbers in the closet. Suppose they have some sort of relevance?" Stranger: [Mathys pausing, harsh breath from Louis] "Stay on track, Mr. Styles." You: "Stay on track? Really?" [Harry laughing, humourless.] "Kill as many of my fucking men as you want. I'm not giving you shit." [Doors slamming as the men start to move out, already spreading the word of Harry's order.] Stranger: [Louis' voice, edging on annoyed] "We'll up to it twenty. And men and women." You: "If you think I care more about people than the work I've put into this business, you didn't get to know me as well as you thought, Louis." Stranger: [Mathys' laughing again, his voice smug] "Fine. Then it's war, Mr. Styles. And if you think you'll manage to keep the allegiance of your men after you've sacrificed them while we were willing to go peacefully, then you're even more of an idiot than Louis' told me." You: "Then it's war." Stranger: [click over the line of Mathys hanging up, Louis' sharp voice] "You're a fucking idiot. Your people are fucked." You: [Harry moving out of the crowded room. The door shutting behind him.] "All of my men knew what they were signing up for. We go out in a fucking fight, not signing over to traitors." Stranger: (have you got kik, love?) You: (i don't, but i can download it!) Stranger: [soft sigh, muffled noises] "God you're an idiot, Harry. Fucking hell. Half of those men were born into their positions. They don't want to be there, much less watch their wives die for it." Stranger: (that would be perfect! I'm already like a solid half hour late because I've been stalling lmaooo) You: (okay, give me two minutes!) You: [silence for a little while] "I'm not signing over everything my fucking dad did for this business. Not what he died for." Stranger: [sound of Louis hitting a wall, and then a harsh breath of pain] "Then fucking barter, Harry. Jesus fuck." You: "Why the fuck do you care?" Stranger: "No time for that, Harry. Just. Don't let these people die." You: "What are the numbers? In the closet?" You: (I made a kik. The user is morgan_evs) Stranger: [Louis' voice lowering] "Was trying to give you a fair warning. Was my location. And the number I'd text off of. And the date I'd get ahold of you. You were just too slow to figure it out." You: [Harry groaning under his voice] "Well, excuse me. I wasn't approaching it from the viewpoint that you'd be a fucking traitor." Stranger: [soft breath] "You're an idiot. Trusted so fucking easily. And now-" [sharp breath, breath picking up] "He's coming. Have to go. You know where to reach me." [line dead] You: (I'll reply on kik!) You have disconnected.

Rovinsky #2

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi! You both like pynch, and rovinsky. You: Heard you and the trailer trash one finally fucked. So happy for you. JK Stranger: Don't know where the hell you're getting that from. RL You: Proko saw the two of you making out near Dick's place. JK
The fucking was kinda just based on my assumptions. JK Stranger: You got Proko fucking spying on me? RL You: Can't help what he chooses to do in his free time. JK Stranger: I think you can. RL You: Yeah, probably. JK
So, you and him? JK Stranger: We've been hanging out. RL You: That's cryptic. JK
He's fucking boring. Thought you had higher standards. JK Stranger: You don't know shit about him. RL You: Thought you were too good for vanilla sex. JK Stranger: Will you stop talking about me and Parrish fucking? RL You: Why? JK Stranger: Because it has nothing to do with you. RL You: Come over. JK Stranger: What? RL You: Come over. Let's dream or some shit. JK Stranger: I'm not getting fucked up with you. RL You: Getting fucked up is fun. JK Stranger: Can be. RL
But I'm not doing it with you. RL You: Why the fuck not? JK Stranger: Because I'm actually doing shit right for once. RL You: Told you to come over. Not to fucking move back in. JK Stranger: That for shit sure isn't happening. RL You: Not until shit goes wrong for you again and you wanna find a way to hurt Dick and yourself all at once. Noted. JK Stranger: Oh shut the fuck up. RL
You keep playing armchair therapist I'll chuck my phone and you won't hear from me for another month. RL You: Used to that shit. JK Stranger: Don't play kicked dog. RL
That doesn't suit you either. RL You: Parrish the one who has the psychic family or the one who gets the shit beaten out of him by daddy? JK Stranger: You want my hand around your throat? Because that can be arranged. RL You: That's the kinda kinky stuff he won't let you do. JK
And I'm guessing the latter. JK Stranger: Told you. You don't know shit. RL
He doesn't live with them anymore. RL You: Gansey's just playing hero with everyone, huh? Moving them out of shitty environments. Good on him. JK Stranger: Gansey had nothing to do with Adam moving out. RL You: But with you moving out? JK Stranger: Why you picking at old scabs? RL You: Humour me. JK Stranger: He didn't make me leave. RL You: Huh. Interesting. JK Stranger: Interesting? RL You: I guess. JK
Just what I always thought happened. That or some shit with your brother. JK Stranger: He helped me see what crappy decisions I was making. Good enough? RL You: That's kinda bullshit. You were still going to school. Wasn't fucking you up that much. JK Stranger: I nearly died. RL You: Boring. JK Stranger: I was in the fucking hospital. RL You: Yeah, I'm aware. I did fucking drive you there. JK Stranger: Yeah, well. RL
Not like I was conscious of much of anything. RL
I hate hospitals. RL You: I never forced you to take that shit. Hell, I wasn't even there that time. Proko fucking rang me and said you was all out of it and shit. JK Stranger: I know better now. RL You: What the fuck ever. Keep blaming other people for your shitty decisions. JK You: At least I can admit I'm a fuckup. JK Stranger: When the hell did I do that? RL You: You taking shit had nothing to do with me, or the boys, or the house. We look after each other there. JK
You was going through your own shit. Leave us out of that. JK Stranger: Said it wasn't a place for good decisions. That's all I said. RL You: Whatever. Fuck you. JK Stranger: Should make me more of a fuckup than you. Shouldn't it? RL
That I couldn't handle it. RL You: Oh, yeah. You got out. Got yourself a fucking boyfriend and back bro'ing it up with Dick and feeling alive without having to snort shit? You're a fucking loser, Lynch. JK
It was never a competition. JK Stranger: What the hell is wrong with any of that? RL
What the hell is wrong with starting to feel okay? RL You: Sarcasm, man. JK Stranger: You want this? RL
Then why don't you take it. RL You: Fuck outta here. JK Stranger: Clean your act up. RL
Fucking bring the boys apple picking or some bullshit. RL You: Then what? We ain't all got a Dick Gansey there to stroke our fucking hair and tell us everything will be okay. JK Stranger: Or shave it all off when you start to hate the way you look. RL
Try it. Maybe you'll like it. RL You: Think I like drugs more. JK Stranger: I didn't realize you wanted a Gansey. RL You: Fuck Gansey. JK Stranger: Just said you wanted someone to stroke your hair and tell you that you were gonna be alright. RL You: I got plenty of good friends. I got the boys. JK Stranger: And they got you. RL You: Exactly. We don't just skip out on each other. JK Stranger: You're talking at me like that's supposed to hurt. RL You: Not talking like shit. JK Stranger: Never was the same. RL You: As what? Gansey? You thought it would be? JK Stranger: No. RL
I'm saying that I was never one of you. Not really. RL You: The boys liked you. JK
Except Proko. JK Stranger: Never said that I didn't have a good time with them. RL You: So, what? JK Stranger: Just that. RL
I wasn't one of them. RL You: You coulda been. JK Stranger: You wanna agree to disagree or what? RL You: You're so fucking hostile. JK
You wanna go, go. JK Stranger: I did. RL You: I meant now, asshole. JK Stranger: What's left to say? RL You: Fuck all, man. JK Stranger: [delayed] Heard Skov has been selling freshmen oregano. RL You: His dad wrote him out of the will. Gotta make his money somehow. JK Stranger: Seriously? RL You: Seriously. JK Stranger: Fuck that. RL You: Whatever. The guy's a piece of shit anyway. Skov can just stay with me. JK Stranger: For how long? RL You: However long he needs to. JK Stranger: You think you're gonna be around that long? RL You: So he can stay when I'm gone, so what? JK You: Not like my mom's gonna be conscious long enough to kick him out. JK Stranger: Better write that into your will. RL You: I'll get right on it. JK Stranger: Fat chance. RL You: The fuck's that mean? JK Stranger: You're not gonna make time to talk to suits. RL You: I gotta talk to lawyers? Can't I just write that shit up? JK Stranger: Gotta have it notarized at lease. RL You: Well, shit. JK Stranger: And there's no fucking negotiation afterwards. RL You: Wouldn't need negotiation. The boys get everything. JK
My mom can stay in the house, I guess. JK Stranger: Make that explicit. In triplicate. RL You: Fuck it. I'm gonna write it up right now. JK Stranger: That a subtle fuck off? RL You: Not at all. JK
Stay, leave. You usually don't care about my input. JK Stranger: I'm asking for it now. RL You: [delayed] Stay. JK Stranger: I'm here then. RL You: How do I start this shit? JK Stranger: You need an executor. RL You: The fuck is that? JK Stranger: They handle your shit for you after. RL
Make sure money goes in the right pockets and property gets transferred smoothly. RL You: How do I get one? JK Stranger: Usually someone you trust. RL
You gotta write that shit down. This person is my executor and if they should fall unfit to their position this person will be my executor. RL You: Will you do it? JK Stranger: Me? RL You: Mhm. I love the boys but they're all shady as hell. Don't trust any of them to handle this shit. JK Stranger: Thought you thought I was spineless. RL You: You are. But you're the only trustworthy person I can ask to do this. JK Stranger: [delayed] Put me down. RL You: Wonderful. JK
For the unfit position shit, I'll put Jiang. He's probably the best of the pack. JK
What next? JK Stranger: You don't have minor children under your guardianship so we can skip that. RL You: That you know of. JK Stranger: You got a kid there? RL You: Nah. Lives back with dear old Dad. Skip him. JK Stranger: You got a fucking kid? RL
He a dream or what? RL You: Not mine. Brother. JK Stranger: You have a brother? RL You: Uh huh. Next step. JK Stranger: How the hell didn't that come up? RL You: Ain't important. JK Stranger: You know about both of my brothers. RL
Hell you /know/ about Matthew. RL You: Are you fucking deaf? It isn't important. JK Stranger: Blind. RL You: Smart ass. JK Stranger: The next part is just divvying up your assets. RL You: Great. Should be easy. JK Stranger: All of them. Be as specific as possible. RL You: Alright. So. The house to the boys; Prokopenko, Jiang, Skov and Swann. Mom can stay there, too. My savings to Viktor. The Mitsubishi to you. It gotta be anymore specific? JK Stranger: You're giving me your car? RL You: Gotta leave something for you to remember me by. Can't just die and stop annoying your ass. JK Stranger: Wouldn't put it past you to haunt me for the rest of my natural born life. RL You: That'd be awesome. JK You: Ha. Just realised, I left the house to Proko but he won't even be, like, alive. JK Stranger: Yeah. RL
Was gonna bring that up. RL You: Fuck. The boys are gonna be pissed. They don't know. JK You: Ah well, I'll be dead. JK Stranger: [delayed] It's more of a coma. RL You: They still be able to talk to him and shit? JK Stranger: No. RL You: Not awake at all? JK Stranger: Sleeping like the dead. RL You: [delayed] Right. Fuck. JK Stranger: I'm trying to figure it out. RL You: Maybe I'll take him with me then. Romeo and Juliet style. JK Stranger: In some sick way I think he'd like that. RL You: Yeah, me too. JK
That kid sees way too much in me. JK Stranger: Hard to believe he came from your mind. RL You: Not always. He was someone once. JK Stranger: Yeah? RL You: Yeah. JK
Saw way too much in me then, too. JK Stranger: So that part wasn't you. RL You: Hell, no. That wouldn't come from my head. JK Stranger: That's what I'm saying. RL You: Yeah. I know you don't care for him, but he's a good kid. JK Stranger: He's a fucking asshole. RL You: That's the part from my head. JK Stranger: Tried to put the cables from your car on to my fucking nipples once. RL You: Hahahahaha. Wish I'd been there. JK Stranger: Glad you weren't. RL
He probably would've gotten away with it. RL You: Hey. I'm not soft on him. JK Stranger: Yeah but you would've let it happen first. RL You: That's true. JK Stranger: So point stands. Glad you weren't there. RL You: Yeah, yeah. JK
Is that stuff specific enough? JK Stranger: I don't know. The notary can tell you if you're completely fucked before they sign off on it. RL You: You seem like the Will Expert. JK
How do I end it? JK Stranger: They kicked me out of the room before they finished the second reading of my dad's. RL
You'll sign it. And you can write a letter if you want. RL You: Wonder if my mom's got one. JK
Alright. I'll do just that. JK Stranger: No letter? RL You: Ain't got shit to say. JK Stranger: I think that's bullshit. RL You: Course you do. JK Stranger: Dad didn't leave much either. RL You: No closure? JK Stranger: Finding him with a bullet hole through his head covered that. RL You: Then no one around me needs closure. Fuck a letter. JK Stranger: I was pissed as all hell. RL Stranger: Only left Declan five words. RL You: What were they? JK Stranger: "Take care of the family." RL You: Huh. Maybe I'll steal that. JK You: Think I'd change it to 'my family', though. JK Stranger: If that shit is for me I don't want to hear it. RL You: Like hell. Jiang gets it. He's the most responsible of the fuckers. JK Stranger: You said. RL You: Well. I'm repeating. JK Stranger: Was there anything I could have done? RL You: What? JK Stranger: We're writing out your fucking will. RL You: Ohhhh. Nah, man. JK Stranger: Figured. RL You: You'd have wanted to do something? JK Stranger: Did for a while. RL You: Yeah? JK Stranger: Like hell. RL
Thought it might have helped me figure out how to fucking live for a while and then maybe it was something out of contrition and then it was something more complicated. RL You: Should've saved your energy for the sprint you did back to Dick after realising it was pointless. JK Stranger: Was trying after that. RL You: I never asked for your fucking help. JK Stranger: Realized that. RL You: So quit acting like you left 'cause you couldn't fix me. Damn, that's such a fucking Gansey move. JK
I don't need shit from you. JK Stranger: That's not why I left. Just said it. I was trying even after that. RL You: You didn't speak to me for months. How the hell were you trying? JK Stranger: You think I didn't think about you? RL You: I think exactly that. JK Stranger: Every damn day. RL You: Bullshit. JK Stranger: For the first week that's how it was. RL You: Then you got over it. JK Stranger: Then Gansey got better at distracting me. RL You: Good for you. JK Stranger: It took me a lot longer to realize the end all be all. RL You: So, where do you stand now? JK Stranger: Realized that you're no more mine than I am yours. RL
And I have to accept that. RL You: Never knew you wanted that. JK Stranger: Wanted someone I could be better for. RL
Or I do now anyway. RL You: [delayed] Well. Sorry I figured it out so late. JK Stranger: Think you've been blazing down this path since the day I met you. RL You: You wanna be better for Parrish? JK Stranger: Need to be. RL
Doesn't deserve half the shit I am. RL You: Guess that's a good sign, then. JK Stranger: It works for now. RL You: You stopped drinking and shit? JK Stranger: [delayed] No. RL
But I try to remember not to go up to his apartment when I have. RL You: You got off the drugs though, right? JK Stranger: Adam and me smoked once. RL
He only took a hit and he swore he was gone. RL You: How adorable. JK Stranger: It was nice. RL You: Sure. JK Stranger: Tried to show him the smoke rings your boys taught me. RL You: How'd that go? JK Stranger: Couldn't remember how to do it. RL
He made some smart comment and kissed me hard enough that I nearly dropped the bowl. RL You: [delayed] I'm gonna go get high. JK
Then find some suit to notarize this tomorrow. JK Stranger: You telling me to fuck off? RL You: Think so. JK Stranger: Alright. RL You: Yeah. Alright. JK Stranger: Am I gonna know? Before I get a call from some corporate number I don't recognize? RL You: Depends how I go out. JK Stranger: You got a hit man after you? RL You: Probably. JK
Accident, you won't hear about it. Otherwise, I'll make sure to let you know. JK Stranger: Gonna hear from you before then? RL You: You don't need that. JK Stranger: Not sure about that. RL You: You should be. JK You: You wanna be better for him, right? JK Stranger: Desperately. RL You: You said it yourself. You make bad decisions around me. JK Stranger: Fucking sucks. RL You: Sorry. JK Stranger: The thing you said before? About finding out too late? RL
What were you talking about? RL You: When you were living with us it didn't seem like a big deal. Like, I knew you were different to the other boys but I didn't get why. Didn't really matter. You were there and we had a good time and shit was alright. Then when you left, I realised that I fucking missed you. Fucking /hated/ you for leaving. Guess I realised I liked you more than I liked the others. JK
Didn't think you'd be interested. Never read it like that. Figured it out too late. JK Stranger: [delayed] Thought you were fucking magic the first time I saw the pyrotechnic entertainment or whatever for the first time at one of your parties. Never saw so many colors in my life. RL You: Turns out we're both magical, huh? JK Stranger: Yeah. RL
But you knew it better than I did. RL You: You used it better. JK Stranger: This feels fucking weird. RL You: Yeah, I know. Ha. JK
Still not entirely convinced this isn't some drug-induced hallucination. JK Stranger: Wish I had the same conclusion. RL You: Come round and take some. Then you will. JK Stranger: Can't do that. RL You: Worth a shot. JK Stranger: I really fucking want to. RL You: But you're trying this doing shit right for once thing. JK Stranger: It hurts. RL You: Go see Parrish. Talk to Gansey. JK Stranger: They'll both think I'm a shit person if they know what I've been up to. RL You: You know that isn't true. JK Stranger: Helped you write your fucking will. RL You: That's a very considerate thing for you to do. JK Stranger: I should be telling you to fucking pet a dog or something. RL You: Nah. You know me well enough to know that if I wanna write a fucking will, we're writing a fucking will. JK Stranger: Put it in your mind. RL You: Might not be safe up there. JK Stranger: I'm saying that's on me. I told you to write that shit down. RL You: Didn't tell me to give up on fucking life, man. You're too hard on yourself. JK
This way, something good comes from it. JK Stranger: I hate this. RL You: Skov gets some place safe to stay. The boys can have all the fucking parties they want there. My brother gets some cash. JK
Stop stressing. JK Stranger: You aren't a fucking ATM. RL You: I just wanna do something for them. JK Stranger: You're worth more alive then you are dead. RL You: Now, where's the fun in that? JK Stranger: Can't even tell which parts you mean anymore. RL You: Me neither. JK
Shit happens. JK Stranger: Yeah. RL
Doesn't mean I can't hate it. RL You: Come on, you'll be cool. JK
You'll be sad for a week and then Gansey will get better at distracting you. JK Stranger: Maybe. RL You: Definitely. JK Stranger: That's it then? RL You: What's left? JK Stranger: I don't know. RL
Never seemed like the type of person to not say whatever the fuck you wanted. Probably don't have any parting words for me. RL You: Wish I could think of something really cool to say. JK Stranger: I'll be around. If you think up something. RL You: Nah, you won't. You'll be smooching it up with Parrish whilst you're both kinda high and failing to blow smoke circles. JK Stranger: One time. RL You: Point is, you won't be around. JK Stranger: Then I'll pick up when I can. RL You: Wish that didn't make me feel so shitty. Ha. JK Stranger: It'll make me smile. Or sneer. RL You: I'll try to resist the urge to punch trailer boy in the face next time I see him. JK Stranger: You do that and I'll punch you in the face. RL You: Whatever. Let me deflect my hurt into empty acts of violence. I have a reputation to uphold. JK Stranger: My favorite form of conflict resolution. RL You: Do kinda wanna punch someone, though. Won't make it your boyfriend, so don't worry. JK Stranger: Appreciate that. RL You: [delayed by a few hours] I mean, I got a few punches in so that counts. JK Stranger: Who? RL You: The big one from Dick's rowing team. First guy I found. JK
With the shitty fringe. JK Stranger: Not his team anymore. RL You: Technicalities. JK Stranger: You could say something shitty to me here if you wanted. RL You: I'm good. JK Stranger: Weird. RL
He pummel you? RL You: If anyone asks, absolutely not. JK Stranger: Not sure who would. RL You: That's a good point. JK Stranger: There bruises yet? RL You: Probably. My face hurts, so I guess. JK Stranger: Show me. RL You: Get off on it? JK Stranger: It has been a while since I got into a good one. RL You: [img attached: k laid down on his bed, dark bruising already swelling around his right eye and blood smeared underneath his mouth from the slash along his bottom lip. he's smiling a wide grin, eyes closed.] Here you go, you creep. JK Stranger: God. RL You: Not real. JK Stranger: You already got a busted lip. RL You: Ha. I love religious Ronan. JK Stranger: He's not separated from the rest of me. RL You: Thinking into it too much. JK Stranger: I think I need to sit for confession. RL You: That picture really get you going that much, huh? JK Stranger: Not for that. RL
[delayed] But kind of. RL You: That shouldn't make me irrationally happy. JK
And kinda turned on. JK Stranger: We should stop before I have something else to say. RL You: Actually, I'm very interested in what else you have to say. JK Stranger: We said I wasn't gonna fuck this up. RL You: Changed my mind. I'm selfish. JK Stranger: I'm not that stupid. RL You: [delayed] Again, worth a shot. JK Stranger: [delayed] Be stupid to tell you that I want to straddle your hips and bite down into your lip until I could taste blood in my mouth. RL
I'm not stupid. RL You: That's really stupid. JK
Be worse if I told you that I want to grab your hips so hard I leave dark fucking bruises there. JK Stranger: That would be pretty fucking bad. RL
Not as bad if I told you that I'd want my hands around your neck and your dick grinding against my ass. That would be really fucking stupid. RL You: That ain't as stupid as me telling you I wanna fuck you so hard you forget Parrish's name. And your own. JK Stranger: Probably as stupid as me telling you that I want that too. That I want you to fuck me so hard that I can't help but remember it the whole drive home. Can't get comfortable in my seat in Latin and I use it as an excuse to skip the whole day for once. RL You: Stupidest thing would be me telling you that I fucking love you and hate myself for realising it way too late. JK Stranger: [delayed] Yeah, that's stupid. RL
About as stupid as me telling you that I think I did too. RL
I think I do. RL You: You're not gonna fuck this up. JK Stranger: Don't think I already did? RL You: We didn't actually fuck. You're good. JK You: But, we can. If you want. JK You: As you can see, I'm very conflicted right now. JK Stranger: My dick is too. RL You: That is not helping. JK Stranger: No. RL
It isn't. RL You: [delayed] I'll just ask once. Come over? JK Stranger: They say God's forgiveness knows no bounds if you admit to yourself that you're a sinner and ask for his benevolence. RL You: Fuck that. JK You: Won't be God's forgiveness you'll be asking for after. JK Stranger: No. RL
And Adam is prideful. RL
And Gansey is trusting. RL You: And Kavinsky is? JK Stranger: Vengeful. RL You: I'm too high to read into what that means. JK Stranger: Vindictive. RL
There's less mercy in one god than the other. RL You: That doesn't sound like a good thing. JK Stranger: It's not particularly. RL
I wouldn't want to cross you. RL You: With me or against me, right? JK Stranger: Yeah. RL
Sorry I was never like that. RL You: You're not coming over. JK Stranger: [img attached: crude photo of Ronan's dick. It's a little blurry. His thumb is rested over the head of his cock and his pants and boxers are only pulled down around his mid-thigh.] RL
That's all I got, man. RL You: Never felt this sad to receive a dick pic before. JK Stranger: First for everything. RL You: [very delayed] I took way too much coke. JK Stranger: You need me to call Swann? RL You: Not yet. JK Stranger: What do you mean? RL You: M'just enjoying it, right now. JK Stranger: You told me it was too much. RL You: It was. JK Stranger: I'm not gonna let you OD. RL You: Dramatic. JK Stranger: I mean it. RL You: Why the hell not? Got a will in place and everything. I'm basically elderly. JK Stranger: You were about to fuck me about a half hour ago. RL
You're hardly geriatric. RL You: Don't sex-shame the elderly. JK Stranger: You're ridiculous. RL
I'm calling Swann. RL You: Don't. JK Stranger: No. RL You: Ronan. JK Stranger: Need more time. RL You: For what? JK Stranger: Make this not fucking terrible for a start. RL
I'm not having your life on my conscience. That's not fair to ask. RL You: So. I'm good. Night night. JK Stranger: Wake the fuck up asshole. RL You: Oh, fuck you. JK Stranger: I'm texting Swann. RL
[To: Swann] Get over to the mansion. Now. RL You: What did he do? S Stranger: Cocaine. Enough of it toe tell me it was too much. RL You: Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Okay. S Stranger: Whoever is around needs to take him now. RL You: Got Jiang and Proko here. We're going now. S Stranger: Thank you. RL You: You fucking suck. JK Stranger: Yeah, I do. RL You: A lot. JK Stranger: I know. RL
I know that. RL You: You should let me fucking die, asshole. JK Stranger: I can't. RL You: Fuck you. JK Stranger: I can't do that either. RL
Just go with your boys and feel better. RL You: Feel better. That's some bullshit and you know it. JK Stranger: Why can't it be that way? RL You: Because it can't. JK Stranger: Why the hell not? RL You: What the hell would it change? JK Stranger: Could change everything. RL You: You'd still be dating Adam. JK Stranger: I'm not the end all be all. RL You: Right. JK
Shit, my head hurts. JK Stranger: That's because you're high as shit. RL
Just relax. You're gonna be okay. RL You: Aw. Just need to come stroke my hair and you're my Gansey. JK Stranger: [delayed] Would've done that. RL You: That's gay. JK Stranger: Whatever. RL You: I wish you had. JK Stranger: Text me in the morning and ask me to. RL You: Ha. JK Stranger: I mean it. RL You: They better not take me to the fucking hospital. JK Stranger: They know how to take care of you. That's not my jurisdiction. RL You: Dizzy. JK Stranger: Grab on to Proko's hand. RL You: Why didn't you come? JK Stranger: Didn't think you would want me there. RL
Seemed like family business. RL You: You were family. JK Stranger: That's not true. RL You: Whatever. JK Stranger: Text me in the morning and I'll be there. RL You: [no reply] Stranger: [to: Gansey] Can we talk? RL
Like right now? RL You: I'm here. RG Stranger: Do you think I'm going to Hell? RL You: What? Of course not. RG Stranger: What if I told you I almost offed someone today? RL
Yet to be determined, I guess. RL You: As in, almost killed someone? RG
I'm going to need you to explain yourself. Now. RG Stranger: Morally, do you think that you're responsible for a drug overdose if you know damn well that you were the cause of it? RL
I don't want any of the legal bullshit. I want to know, morally, if there's any loophole here to make my hands stop fucking shaking. RL You: Kavinsky? RG Stranger: I helped him write his fucking will. RL You: Oh, Ronan. RG
[delayed] This isn't on you. It was always going to happen. RG Stranger: Don't say that. RL
You didn't say that when it came to me and I know for shit sure there were moments that I was just as bad. RL You: But you always had stuff to live for. Matthew, for starters. RG
What does he have? RG
You're not to blame. You got yourself out of a toxic situation that almost killed you. You don't owe him anything. RG Stranger: He loved me. RL
He fucking said it. Straight from the horse's mouth. He said it. RL You: That doesn't change anything. RG Stranger: How doesn't it change everything? RL You: Whether he loved you or not, he supplied you with the drugs that put you in a coma for three days. RG Stranger: It's not like he injected the needle. RL
I did that. I wrapped the belt around my arm and I did that. RL You: [delayed] Is he okay? Do we need to go over there? RG Stranger: I don't even know if they're going to the damn hospital. RL
That's the shittiest thing, isn't it? I can't even follow through on that. RL You: Ronan. The same way that Kavinsky didn't inject the needle into you, you didn't make him take those drugs. He did that himself. RG
He needs help. RG Stranger: Says he doesn't want it. RL
I tried. I had to have asked him outright three times today. RL You: Won't his friends help? RG Stranger: I fucking hope so. RL You: Need me to come in there? RG Stranger: I want to be unconscious. RL You: That's not going to help anyone. RG You: What if K wakes up and needs you and you're passed out? RG Stranger: Can I even do that? RL
The hell is Parrish gonna think? RL You: Adam will understand. RG You: This isn't just you going round there to shoot and fuck yourself up. This is different. RG Stranger: [delayed] I told him I thought I might have loved him too. RL You: You can't help how you feel. But I'm not letting you go back there. RG Stranger: I'm not asking to. RL
But what if he needs me? After all this? RL You: We'll work something out. Everything's going to be okay. RG Stranger: I don't know how you can be so sure. RL You: Just trust me. RG
Don't drink. Relax. Come out if and when you need me. RG Stranger: You're fucking too much. I swear. RL You: Bad or good? RG Stranger: Too good. RL You: Stop thinking you don't deserve too good. RG Stranger: That's a long haul, Dick. RL
I'm just gonna try to close my eyes. RL
Maybe don't give Adam all the specifics. If you talk to him first. I should do that. RL You: I'll let you speak to him. RG
[4:27 am] He died for like 4 minutes, but they got him back. He's stable. S Stranger: [4:32] They say anything about when he's gonna regain consciousness? RL You: Nah. They don't really know. Said it could be hours or days. Just gotta keep hoping. S Stranger: Do me a favor? RL You: Hm? S Stranger: You got his phone? RL You: Uh. Yeah, think it's with all his shit in his room. S Stranger: Delete my texts. RL
He doesn't need that shit. RL
And maybe get him some marigolds. For the room. RL
I'll pay you back. RL You: Delete just your texts or your number, too? S Stranger: Do what you think is right. RL You: Alright, I will. S Stranger: Thanks for updating me. RL You: Want me to keep letting you know? S Stranger: If you don't mind. RL You: [three days later] He woke up. S Stranger: Yeah? RL
How's he look? RL
What'd he say? RL You: He was confused as hell. Then scared. Now, he's just kinda pissed. S
Whether it's because we didn't let him die or because we brought him to the hospital, I don't know. S Stranger: Probably both. RL
That's good. Means he's getting back to himself. RL You: Don't think they're gonna let us take him home. S Stranger: No? Needs a family member to sign him out or you mean just for the moment? RL You: I don't know, man. S
Heard the doctor talking earlier. They were talking about rehabs and mental fucking wards and shit. I'm not letting 'em take him someplace like that. S Stranger: Don't you think it might be good for him? RL
If he actually wanted that shit. If he gave it a try. RL You: He ain't gonna want it. S Stranger: Yeah. RL
I know. RL You: And I'm not gonna let them force him, either. S
He's calling for me. Gotta go. S Stranger: Just keep talking when there's news. RL You: [8:11pm] The world is brighter than I remembered. JK Stranger: [8:14] That's because you're in a hospital, asshole. RL
White walls. And probably your fair amount of florescence. RL You: They wanna throw me in some crazy place for psychos. JK Stranger: They don't know that you would take over the place in no time flat. RL You: That is almost enough to make me wanna go there. JK Stranger: Send letters home. RL Stranger: But not the macaroni crafts. RL You: Ha, yeah. JK
[delayed] I can't go there, Ronan. You know that. JK Stranger: You're not going anywhere. RL
There's such a thing called informed consent. RL You: So they can't make me? JK Stranger: They can make it very uncomfortable for you to not say yes. RL
I think. I don't know my situation was a little different I guess. RL You: Got shit to do out here. Who's gonna look after the boys if I'm locked up someplace? JK You: [brb!] Stranger: Who would have looked after your boys if you fucking died? RL You: Not my problem. I'd be dead. JK You: Plus, I left them the house, remember? JK Stranger: Did you even get the paper notarized? RL You: Called up someone my dad knew before - you know, shit happened. JK Stranger: I didn't realize you would remember everything. RL You: Shit gets kinda hazy towards the end. JK You: Last thing I remember is the fight, then getting home and sending you a picture. JK You: Then bits and pieces after that. JK Stranger: What sorts of bits and pieces? RL You: Getting the will notarized, sexting you for a while, telling you I love you. All fun stuff. JK Stranger: The highlights. RL You: Of course. JK You: Don't remember taking all that coke. JK Stranger: You advocated for elders vibrant and satisfying sexuality. RL You: Need that on a badge. JK Stranger: I'll dream one for you. RL You: [delayed] I shouldn't've made you choose like that. With the keeping me alive or letting me die shit. That wasn't fair and I'm sorry. JK Stranger: Just happy that you're here right now to shoot the shit with. RL You: I made Proko cry. JK Stranger: He was probably pretty out of it himself for a while. RL You: What a shitty night. JK Stranger: Equally shitty three fucking days. RL You: Now you known how I felt when you were out of it for three days. JK You: know* Stranger: Probably was worse having to deal with Declan. RL
You have my condolences. RL You: Oh, no. Gansey was the worst. JK Stranger: Yeah? RL You: Genuinely feared for my life a total of 17 times. JK Stranger: He asked if I wanted him to drive me up to see you. RL You: How lovely of Dick. JK You: Speak to Parrish? JK Stranger: Bits and pieces. RL You: I'm tired. JK
You gonna come visit tomorrow? JK Stranger: You want me to? RL You: Yeah. JK Stranger: You gonna be pissed if Gansey chauffeurs me? RL You: Probably. But I'll hide it well. JK Stranger: He won't come in besides to say something polite about your coloring. RL You: He does know he's disgustingly polite, right? JK Stranger: If he has self-awareness to the fact he isn't ashamed of it. RL You: I can handle Gansey. JK Stranger: If I realized my dick was going to make you pound back enough lines to make you dizzy I wouldn't have sent it. RL
For the record. RL
There's a reason to teach abstinence. RL You: Rigghttt. The dick pic. Almost forgot. JK You: Can't believe Swann deleted those texts. I'm heartbroken. JK Stranger: Told him to. RL You: Figured. JK Stranger: I thought you remembered the picture or I wouldn't have brought it up. RL You: Remember it now. Thank you. JK You: [i'm really sorry but i have to go cos its just turned 5am here and i have work tomorrow oops. thank you so much for being a great partner!] You have disconnected.

Rovinsky #1

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi! You both like pynch, and rovinsky. You: Heard you and the trailer trash one finally fucked. So happy for you. JK Stranger: Who the hell said that? RL You: Proko. Don't ask how he knows, 'cause fuck if I know. JK Stranger: People can kiss in public without fucking. RL
A novel concept for you, I realize. RL You: Kissing in public? That's beautiful. JK
Bet Dick's over the moon, huh? Found yourself a nice boy. JK Stranger: Don't bring him into this. RL You: Oh. Is he jealous? JK You: Seems the jealous type. JK Stranger: Are you? RL You: Of trailer boy? Nah. JK Stranger: Of course. RL
Listen, I don't feel much like chatting with you. RL You: You're being extremely fucking civilised, Lynch. JK
It's boring. Bite. JK Stranger: Stay the fuck away from him. RL You: There we go. JK
What interest would I have in your pretty little boyfriend? JK Stranger: Not my boyfriend. RL
Not sure why you would bring it up if you weren't trying to fuck with me. RL You: But you want him to be. JK
Just exchanging pleasantries. JK Stranger: Don't call a water chamber a bathroom because it wants to be one. RL
We don't do that. RL You: You're fucking weird, man. JK
Come dream. JK Stranger: Fuck no. RL You: Too good for that now? JK Stranger: I don't want anything to do with you. RL
Did I not make that perfectly clear? RL You: Man, they really have fucking gotten to you. Whatever. JK Stranger: The hell are you talking about? RL You: You used to be fun. Me and the boys had a bet as to how long it'd be until your fucking owner beat it out of you. JK Stranger: I'm nothing like you. RL
Gansey doesn't do shit to me. I can whatever the hell I want. RL You: Sure thing, Lynch. Whatever you gotta tell yourself. JK Stranger: I'm gonna wring your fucking neck. RL
Is that what you want? RL You: Kinky. JK Stranger: Shut up. RL You: It's all good. You enjoy your lapdog life with your nice boyfriend. Always here if you need me. <3 JK Stranger: You're not gonna say shit. RL You: Excuse me? JK Stranger: When school is back in session. At any of your parties. To him. RL You: Can't he look after himself? JK
Oh, waaait. You're his Gansey! That's beautiful. JK Stranger: This is nothing like that either. RL You: Don't lie and tell me you've never gotten it on thinking about Dick. I've been in your head, man. JK Stranger: I told you that we don't do that shit. RL You: Doesn't mean you haven't thought about it. JK Stranger: Don't be gross. RL You: Bored. JK Stranger: I'm not here for your entertainment. RL You: Fuck off then. JK Stranger: Tell me what you plan on doing with this. RL You: Not gonna do shit, man. You think too much. JK Stranger: Then why did you fucking text me. RL You: Like I said. Bored. JK Stranger: Don't insult my intelligence. RL
I know this is a power grab and I know that you want something. RL You: Insult your intelligence? You sound just like him, man. JK Stranger: How would you have any clue what Adam sounds like? RL You: Meant your other boyfriend. JK Stranger: Starting to make me think you have a boner for Gansey. RL You: Reflecting your own feelings, there. JK You: Honestly, I just wanted to see if you'd reply. It's funny. JK Stranger: You're an ass. RL You: You used to like it. JK Stranger: Keep their names out of your mouth. RL You: Or what, baby? JK Stranger: Don't call me that. RL You: Boring fucker. JK
We done, yeah? JK Stranger: Tell me that you're leaving them out of this. RL You: Leaving's your thing, dude. JK Stranger: Still bitter? RL You: Just high. JK Stranger: Liar. RL You: Whatever. Had plenty of people drop out on me. JK Stranger: One mouth is the same as any other. RL You: That's what they say. JK You: Adam good with his mouth? JK Stranger: Told you we don't do that. RL You: Vanilla. JK Stranger: Like his hands more anyway. RL You: Like I give a fuck. I'm gonna do dream some shit up. JK Stranger: If I thought it would do anything I would say you should get some fucking help. RL You: That what you did? Cleaned yourself up? I bet Dick's so proud. JK Stranger: I said to keep his name out of your mouth. RL You: Typed it. JK Stranger: Same difference. RL You: Why are you so fucking defensive about them? JK Stranger: They're my friends. RL You: They suffocate you. JK Stranger: Don't know what you're talking about. RL You: You always gotta do stuff his way or no way. We're going, Ronan. Come over here, Ronan. Feet off the fucking car, Ronan. JK Stranger: You have such a problem with Gansey, why don't you bring it up with him? RL You: He doesn't bite. JK You: He's not interesting enough. JK Stranger: I'm not here to fucking entertain you. RL You: What are you here for then? JK Stranger: [delayed] I don't fucking know anymore. RL You: Run off then, boy. Laters. JK Stranger: Fuck you. RL You: Got Parrish for that now. JK Stranger: You're a piece of shit. You know that? RL You: Undoubtedly. JK You: That's a clever word, right? Show that to Dick! JK Stranger: Hate your guts. RL You: Fucking hell, man. You're the one who skipped out. I did jack shit wrong. JK
Your owner whistled and you went running back. Now you've got your fucking boyfriend. So why are you still here? JK Stranger: Because I miss it. RL You: Told you. You can come back. JK Stranger: You know I can't. RL You: You're not allowed, you mean. JK Stranger: Because I'm not gonna fuck up something good in my life because I feel too fucked up to accept it. RL You: Nice, Lynch. JK Stranger: I know how you are. RL You: I'm just there for when you can't accept the good shit, yeah? JK Stranger: You're just there for when I want it to hurt. RL You: Not anymore, man. Fuck you. JK Stranger: Why don't you? RL You: Why don't I what? JK Stranger: Nothing. RL You: Fuck you? JK Stranger: Fuck me. Fuck me up. Whatever. RL You: [delayed] Nah. Not doing it again. JK Stranger: Thought that was what you wanted. RL You: It was. JK Stranger: Gonna say something melodramatic like "not anymore"? RL
Gonna pretend that wasn't why you started this damn conversation? RL You: I'm too high for this shit. JK
How long you gonna stay for this time? Just the night? Maybe a week, again? Maybe even two! Really test your boys. JK Stranger: Last time I checked you weren't inviting me over at all. RL You: Come over. Don't. I don't give a fuck. JK
Got Proko here if I want it that bad. JK Stranger: Talk to you when I talk to you. RL You: How mysterious. JK Stranger: You know what I mean. RL You: Will Parrish not mind you coming over to fuck? JK Stranger: [Delayed] No. RL
I think he would be quite upset if he found out. RL You: And you're okay with upsetting him? JK Stranger: No. RL You: So? JK Stranger: So it's a good thing you don't want me. RL You: Always want you. I'm high enough to admit that. JK You: Always want you. I'm high enough to admit that. JK Stranger: Not enough for this. RL You: What's he got? Does he hold your hand? Tell you he loves you? JK Stranger: Not sure anyone will ever do that. RL You: That what you want? JK Stranger: [delayed] More than I'd like to. RL You: I can tell you I love you. JK Stranger: You'd never mean it. RL You: Does it matter? I want you. That's enough. JK Stranger: It's not though. RL You: Come over. JK Stranger: I can't. RL You: I'll fuck you. Or beat the shit out of you. Whatever you fucking want. JK Stranger: I shouldn't want that. RL You: Definitely not. I think the word Gansey would use is 'unhealthy.' JK Stranger: Probably say "toxic" too. Maybe use the term "coping mechanisms". RL You: Adam's healthy. JK Stranger: He gets angry sometimes and I don't know how long he'll stay. RL
But yeah. Mostly. RL You: Good for you, man. JK Stranger: Yeah. RL
Good for me. RL You: Come over. JK Stranger: K. RL You: Is that a K as in okay or a K as in Kavinsky, come on now. JK Stranger: The latter. RL You: Latter. Stupid word. JK
Fuck off then, Lynch. I mean it. JK Stranger: Forever? RL You: As long as I'm around, dude. Forever's a long time. JK Stranger: Yeah, alright. RL You: Alright? JK Stranger: Not sure what's left to say. RL
Wasn't gonna be you and me. Even if we went skipping hand-in-hand into an AA meeting. RL You: AA meetings are for pussies. JK
So, you and him, then? JK Stranger: Don't know how long he'll stay. RL You: You want him to stick around? JK Stranger: So long as it doesn't royally fuck him up. RL You: Better hope he doesn't leave then. It's shitty. JK Stranger: Know he will. RL
Just hope he comes back. RL You: Yeah. I feel that. JK Stranger: Aren't you gonna chase me off your lawn with a broom or something? RL You: Be fucking happy, Lynch. One of us has gotta be. JK
Be too cliche if we both were JK Stranger: Sounds like some shitty pseudo-philosophy RL You: Maybe I'll write a book. JK Stranger: Wouldn't text you after I read it. RL You: That's part of the 'be fucking happy' mission. JK Stranger: That sounds shitty too RL You: Let me know. JK Stranger: Thought I couldn't. Part of the mission. RL You: Oh, shit. Yeah. JK
Didn't think this through. JK Stranger: Maybe I'll write you a letter. RL
No exchange necessary. RL You: Fuck letters. JK Stranger: What do you propose then? RL You: Dream me a fucking billboard or something. JK Stranger: God. RL
Gaudy asshole. RL
You got a deal. RL You: Enjoy, Lynch. JK Stranger: Let me know if you're trying it. RL You: Oh, yeah. Gonna settle down with Proko. Or maybe Swann. Hold hands and exchange soft whispers of nothingness. JK Stranger: We'll plan double-dates. RL You: I'm gonna be sick. JK Stranger: Just let me know. RL
Whatever it is, you know. RL You: You're actually gonna date someone. That's fucking weird. JK Stranger: What's weird about it? RL You: [delayed] Guess I don't know. Like you said, it was never gonna be me and you. JK Stranger: It's not like you ever thought of holding my hand and exchanging soft whispers with me as our hair grayed. RL You: Nah. Always pictured you there, though. JK Stranger: What? RL
Sucking your cock as we crossed the border? RL You: Ha. Guess so. JK
Never see myself getting old anyway, man. A couple more years, tops. JK Stranger: I don't want to go to another funeral. RL You: You're not invited, then. JK You: Like I'd have a fucking funeral anyway. JK Stranger: Not up to you who fucking attends, asshole. RL You: Who'd come to my funeral? My mum would be coked up on the bathroom floor. Dad and Proko would pretty much cease to exist when I die. I'm not having a funeral just for you. That's too romantic. You: JK Stranger: What about the rest of your band of merry men? RL You: They'll pop some pills in my honour. JK Stranger: Think I'll be invited to that? RL You: Maybe. Swann always liked you. JK Stranger: Yeah? RL You: Mhm. When you lived with us for a bit. JK Stranger: Thought they all hated my guts. RL You: Proko hates your guts. That's a jealousy thing, not a personal thing. JK Stranger: Just never felt like it was mine in the same way. RL
But you know Monmouth never did either. RL You: So go back to the barns. Fuck Declan. JK Stranger: Want to. RL You: I'll come with you. JK Stranger: You serious? RL You: Yeah. Like I said, man, whatever the fuck you want. JK Stranger: Thought you wanted me to fuck the hell off. RL You: That was if you didn't want anything. JK Stranger: Life is too complicated for absolutes. RL You: Dick Gansey thing to say. JK You: Life isn't complicated at all. JK Stranger: Then explain this want to me. RL You: What want? JK Stranger: This. RL You: Want a lot of things, man. For you to move back here. For you to stop rolling over for Gansey. For trailer boy to fuck off. JK You: Plenty of things. JK Stranger: Explain mine. RL You: Your want for what? JK
Me? Adam? JK Stranger: We haven't been talking about Adam for a while now. RL You: You're fucked up. Don't think you deserve anything as good as him. Same with Gansey, really. But me - well, I'm not exactly anything good, am I? So you come to me looking for hurt and sex and drugs and once you feel thoroughly broken, you crawl back to the others and let 'em fix you up again. JK Stranger: [delayed] That's all this is then? RL You: I think so. You don't like me or anything like that. Don't even think you particularly enjoy my company. Just how shitty I make you feel. You think you deserve it. JK Stranger: You have nice eyes. RL
When they aren't blown out on coke. RL You: That's beautiful, Lynch. You should write a poetry book. JK Stranger: Don't have the marketing power you do. RL
No one's gonna buy a book of poems that a gay farmer wrote about an ex-whatever. RL You: Ouch. I'm an ex. JK Stranger: Isn't that what we decided? RL You: You decided when you shacked up with Parrish. JK Stranger: We're not having sex. RL You: It's more. That's worse. JK Stranger: You think I deserve it? RL You: Parrish? JK Stranger: Parrish. RL You: Yeah. JK You: But also, fuck Parrish. JK Stranger: Think I deserve you? RL You: Wouldn't wish that on anyone. JK Stranger: That's why you want me to fuck off. RL You: Sounds edgier when I just tell you to fuck off. JK Stranger: I won't tell anyone. Wouldn't want to ruin your street cred. RL You: Yeah. Thanks. JK Stranger: [delayed] I think I could've loved you too. RL You: I don't. JK Stranger: Yeah, well. RL
Anyone's guess now. RL You: Hey. Think of the positives. When I finally cork it, you'll have so much more fuel to dream. JK Stranger: That's not what I want. RL You: You want too much. JK Stranger: Yeah. RL
Glutton. RL You: You want to move in. Then you want to move out. Then you want Parrish. JK You: Think it's time for you to fuck off now, yeah? JK Stranger: That what you want? RL You: Doesn't fucking matter what I want, Lynch. JK Stranger: I'm asking. RL You: Made it perfectly clear what I wanted when you packed your shit back into the Camaro. JK Stranger: And you also made it perfectly clear that I'm not allowed to want that. RL You: You can want what you like. But you don't deserve it. JK You: This coke's making me sappy. JK Stranger: You should start working on your book now. RL
Inspiration is a hot ire. RL You: Coked up writing a book. Call me fucking Alice in Wonderland. JK Stranger: Dad used to read us that. RL You: Go back to the barns, Ronan. JK You: Take your toy boy. JK Stranger: Don't want to fuck it up. RL You: So, don't. JK Stranger: If I go back now and they find me what if I never get to go home again? RL You: Tear up the fucking world. Do whatever it takes. JK Stranger: What if it doesn't feel right anymore? RL You: It will. JK Stranger: How do you know? RL You: It's your home, man. JK Stranger: And if it doesn't feel right... what? I don't have one anymore? RL You: Don't be fucking ridiculous. JK
You got Dick. And that fucking factory he lives in. JK Stranger: Told you. Doesn't feel the same. RL You: Still home. JK Stranger: Not to me. RL You: Don't know what to tell you. You got good friends. JK
Fucking hate their guts, but. You know. JK Stranger: Can't believe you just said that. RL You: It's this dream coke. Dunno what the fuck it is. JK Stranger: You're better than you think you are. RL You: That's a lie. JK You: You could've never loved me, you know? What could I have offered? Drugs? Good sex? JK
I'm probably gonna be dead by the time Parrish starts fucking college to go on to be some bigshot. JK Stranger: I don't give a shit about some degree. RL You: He does. JK Stranger: I know that. RL
But that isn't what I need. RL You: What do you need? JK Stranger: Someone to be better for. RL You: Aw. That ain't me, man. JK You: I don't need you to be better. I like what you are now. JK
Parrish'll push you. JK Stranger: I'm shit. RL You: Same. JK Stranger: You're alright with that? RL You: At this point, yeah. JK Stranger: Tell me if you change your mind. RL You: There's been times where I've considered changing. But - that ain't me. JK Stranger: Can't force you. RL You: You think you'll be better for him? JK Stranger: I can try. RL You: You want to be? JK Stranger: I think so. RL
Most of the time. RL You: The rest of the time. That's me, right? JK Stranger: That predictable? RL You: [delayed] Fuck off, Lynch. JK Stranger: Take care of yourself. RL You: I always do. JK Stranger: Poorly. RL You: Still alive. JK Stranger: Predicting a time stamp. RL You: I'm just realistic. JK Stranger: You're a prick. RL
And I'm not gonna forgive you for giving up. RL You: On what? You or life? JK Stranger: Both. RL You: You left, man. JK Stranger: Cause it couldn't be this way. RL You: What way is that? JK Stranger: The two of us throwing punches until we tire each other out. RL You: Also could never be any other way. JK Stranger: A man can dream. RL You: We could've just. I don't fucking know. Dreamt. Fucked. Slept. JK
That's all I can offer you. JK Stranger: Wish I knew how to make you happy. RL You: Hahahaha. Same, man. JK You: You know how to make him happy? JK Stranger: Think I'm learning. RL You: And him, you? JK Stranger: Sometimes I'm not sure if I'm meant to be. RL You: I think you are. JK Stranger: What makes you think that? RL You: You've had a lot of shit. Think it's time you had a break. JK Stranger: Don't think the same for yourself? RL You: A lot of mine is self-inflicted. JK
Like, 99%. JK Stranger: Which makes you less worthy? RL You: Yeah. Exactly. JK Stranger: Don't know if I agree with that. RL You: We rarely agree. JK Stranger: This is better that way. RL You: What way? JK You: Disagreeing? JK Stranger: When we're at each other's throats. RL You: Kinky. JK Stranger: Oh whatever. RL You: I fucking miss you. JK Stranger: Yeah. RL
Said I did too. RL You: Shitty. JK Stranger: Me? RL You: The situation. JK Stranger: Don't think the alternatives would have been much better. RL You: You don't see the appeal of us drinking ourselves into an early grave? JK Stranger: Got people to worry about. RL You: Don't have that problem. JK Stranger: Me. RL You: You're gonna be fine, man. JK You: You already have enough people worried about you. JK Stranger: Only because I've lived through worse. RL Stranger: Not about the quantity, man. RL
Tried to keep them all out of bounds anyway. RL You: No one worries about me, Lynch. I'm gonna be just fine. JK Stranger: Don't believe that for a second. RL You: Maybe I could kill myself and dream up a dream version of me. JK Stranger: Wouldn't be the same. RL You: You're not gonna see me again anyway. It'd be for Proko. JK Stranger: Proko would be dead. RL Stranger: Or suspended. Whatever. RL You: Oh, shit. JK
For the others then. JK Stranger: You said they wouldn't care. RL You: Fucking hell. I won't make a dream version, then. JK Stranger: I'm not gonna stamp my approval. Not sure why you're telling me. RL You: Not sure why I'm still bothering you at all. JK Stranger: Give it a guess. RL You: Hate guessing games. JK Stranger: Well, I don't know your head. RL You: Never been an ex before. JK Stranger: Never let someone close enough for that. RL You: Seems you do know my head. JK Stranger: We're the same that way. RL You: I'm gonna keep wishing for Parrish to fuck off. Just so you know. JK Stranger: That's alright. RL You: Gansey, too. JK Stranger: It was never like that. RL You: He still has you in ways I never will. JK Stranger: Declan probably wouldn't have signed over the papers if I was going back to yours instead of his. RL You: Oh, Declan can fuck off, too. They all can. JK Stranger: You're not gonna hear me say anything to the contrary on that. RL You: Not sure what's left to say. JK Stranger: You know where to find me if the situation changes and likewise. RL You: Go fall in love, fuckface. JK Stranger: Or die trying. RL You: Or just die. JK Stranger: That's you. RL You: Oh, yeah. JK
Don't wear black to my funeral. That's depressing as shit. JK Stranger: You gonna pick out my outfit too? RL You: Just come naked. JK Stranger: Try again. RL You: Your blue jeans and that ugly red sweater you have. JK Stranger: Can I wear my boots? RL You: Yeah. JK Stranger: Keep that in mind. RL You: Add it to your notes. Don't forget. JK Stranger: I won't. Promise. RL You: Promise. Okay, good. JK Stranger: Hope you can see me. RL
If it comes to that. RL You: Course I will, man. After all the shit in our lives, you don't believe in ghosts? JK Stranger: You gonna haunt me? RL You: Gonna haunt Parrish. JK Stranger: Leave him alone. RL You: Not dead yet. JK Stranger: I'm the one who would miss you. RL You: I'd just knock something over whenever you guys were about to have sex. JK
Hahahahaha. I'm so high. JK Stranger: Yeah. RL You: Proko's doing my fucking head in. I wanna kill him again. JK Stranger: What? RL You: What? JK Stranger: What's he doing? RL You: Keeps talking about you and Adam. JK
He's fucking thrilled. JK Stranger: Tell him to fuck off. RL You: Have done. Next, I'm gonna shoot his head off. JK Stranger: Yeah, well. RL You: Stamp of approval? JK Stranger: Don't depend on me for moral decisions. RL You: I'm gonna miss you when I'm dead. JK Stranger: Don't think you'll be conscious of that. RL You: I'll miss you enough now for that, then. JK Stranger: I'm sorry. RL You: There's literally no reason for you to be apologising. JK Stranger: Didn't want what you did. RL You: I wanted stupid shit. JK Stranger: Yeah. You did. RL You: Mostly just you, though. JK Stranger: Still qualifies. RL
I'm a stupid shit. RL You: You wanted me to love you. Not much stupider than that. JK Stranger: Real fucking idiot. RL You: I'm gonna go dream. JK Stranger: Don't bring back something too fucked up. RL You: No promises. JK Stranger: Yeah, yeah. RL You: I kinda loved you, you know. JK You: Just incase I bring back something really fucked up and get eaten or some shit. JK Stranger: In whatever way you were capable. RL You: Yeah. That. JK You: You were the closest. JK Stranger: That's why I'm an ex. RL You: You're gonna be the only one. This shit hurts. JK Stranger: Hope you're my only one, too. RL You: Grow old with Parrish in his trailer. JK Stranger: Something like that. RL You: Gross. JK Stranger: I know. RL You: Never thought I'd want to be trailer trash so bad in my life. JK Stranger: Asked you to be. RL
You said you couldn't see yourself sticking around long enough. RL You: We both know that's true. JK
Plus, like I said, you don't deserve that. JK Stranger: And like I said - you're better than you think. RL You: What if I asked you to forget Parrish and come grow old with me? JK Stranger: I'd want to know you were serious. RL
And I would want to know that you wanted to get better. RL You: Better? JK Stranger: Healthy. Happy. RL You: Healthy? JK Stranger: Not shooting up rocks on a Tuesday. RL You: If I thought I could give you that, I would. JK Stranger: Yeah? RL You: Straight away. JK Stranger: Almost feels nice. RL You: But Parrish already doesn't shoot up rocks on a Tuesday, so he's ahead. JK Stranger: Not a race. RL You: He's already winning. JK Stranger: Forget about him for a second. RL You: Okay. JK Stranger: You willing to try living? RL You: Sounds awful. JK Stranger: That's a no. RL You: Look. If I thought that I could do that, I would. If I knew I wouldn't just keep snorting and disappointing you and fucking you up, I would. But. Jesus, Ronan. Our entire relationship was built on me being the one who hurts you when you need it. That's all I'm good for. JK Stranger: And if that's how you want it to be then I'm not gonna try convincing you. RL You: Pick the healthy option. JK Stranger: Whatever. RL You: Don't be mad. JK Stranger: I'm allowed to feel how I want to feel. RL You: Alright. JK Stranger: And I'm not gonna forgive you for this. RL
I already told you that. RL You: Counting on it. JK Stranger: [No Reply] You: Not gonna say goodbye? JK Stranger: What's the point? RL You: Damn. Okay. JK You: Fucking look after yourself, Lynch. JK Stranger: Do my best. RL You: [no reply] Stranger: Wish I didn't hate you for what we already knew. RL You: Stop messaging me. Go be happy with your trailer trash. JK Stranger: You're not the boss of me. RL You: Want me to be? JK You: Ha. Jokes. JK Stranger: You're not funny. RL You: I'm high. Everything's funny. JK You: But really. Go, Ronan. JK Stranger: Don't you usually kick a dog before yelling at them to run. RL You: Think I've hurt ya enough. JK Stranger: Whatever, man. RL You: If Parrish ends up being a dick, I can kill him for you. JK Stranger: You're my hitman now? RL You: Sure. JK Stranger: Gonna have to stay alive long enough for me to stir up shit. RL You: No promises. JK You: I'll leave it in my will. Get one of the boys to do it. JK Stranger: They won't give enough of a shit to follow through. RL You: They're my friends. JK Stranger: Yeah. RL
But they're not mine. RL You: They do as they're told. JK You: Well, Jiang doesn't. JK Stranger: Can't enforce that when you're dead. RL You: Goodbye, Lynch. JK Stranger: [to: Adam] Can I come over? RL You: Everything okay? AP Stranger: Just would really like to see you. RL You: Oh. Yeah, sure. I'll be home in ten. AP Stranger: I'll be by the door. RL
Don't startle. RL You: Are you sure you're good? AP Stranger: I don't want to talk about it. RL You: So, you're not. AP Stranger: No. RL
I'm not. RL You: Okay. AP
Want me to bring food? AP Stranger: Not sure if I can eat. RL
I can order something if you're hungry. RL You: Can't eat? Ronan, what's wrong? AP Stranger: I want to kiss you. RL You: [delayed] Oh. Okay. AP
Ten minutes. AP Stranger: Ten minutes. RL You: [no reply] You: [hey i really have to go cos its literally 5:30 am here omg but i really wanna continue this so you could send ur response to my email. only if u want to of course! it's [email protected] . if you dont carry on by email thats cool, i've really loved this!] Stranger: ((Sure! It's also getting pretty late here. Sweet dreams, d00d!)) You: [sleep well! You have disconnected.

Wolfstar #3

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi! You both like wolfstar, and drarry. You: [Summer break before sixth year. Remus broke up with Sirius and still isn’t speaking to him after The Prank at the end of fifth year. Sirius has just ran away from home and shown up at the Potters, completely out of it and badly injured.] Something happened with Sirius. Before you say it, I know you’re not talking to or about him but it’s serious this time. He’s ran away from home. JP Stranger: Is he alright? RL You: Not 100% sure, mate. He hasn't spoke a word since he got here. JP
Looks a bit bruised up, though. JP Stranger: When did he get there? RL You: About an hour ago. JP Stranger: Alright. Well, I'm glad he's gotten away from home then. He's safe with you. RL You: Yeah. I guess. JP
Just thought you'd wanna know. JP Stranger: Thanks for telling me. I hope he's alright. RL You: [next morning - to groupchat] Sirius update. He's awake. Finally letting my mum fix up his injuries. Stubborn ass. JP
Am I still okay to come over later, James? About 5? PP
Yeah. That's cool, Pete. PP Stranger: Has he said what happened? Is he doing okay? RL You: He woke up in the night so we talked some. Something happened with his mum and she started setting a little physical. Mum says it looks like some of the marks are from curses. But I don't want to push him. JP Stranger: He's staying with you now, though? Permanently? RL You: Definitely. No way mother Potter is gonna let him out of her sight again. JP Stranger: Alright. Good. I'm sure it will be much better for him. RL You: Rem, are you coming to the Potters too? PP Stranger: Ah... no I wasn't planning on it, Peter. I'm still not on speaking terms with Sirius. RL You: Oh. Okay, fair enough. PP
He was asking for you, last night. JP
Is that fair to say? I wasn't judging you for not coming, just. A fact. JP Stranger: [delayed] I'll consider it. But you know what he did, James. I can't just forget and forgive that because Sirius has problems to deal with too. Even if they are serious problems. RL You: Nobody's asking you to forgive him. And certainly not to forget. I understand. JP Stranger: I may come over tonight. Would me and Peter be too much? RL You: Actually, I think it's exactly what he needs, right now. JP Stranger: Alright. Well. I'll think about it. RL You: Let me know. JP
Pete, come over whenever. My folks know you're coming. JP Stranger: [an hour later] I'll be there too. RL You: Want me to tell him? JP Stranger: I suppose I shouldn't just surprise him. That wouldn't be fair. RL You: Right. I'll let him know. JP You: [delayed] You don't have to come. SB Stranger: It's alright, Sirius. I wasn't going to ignore you forever. And maybe now is better then when we're back in school. RL You: I don't want you to forgive me just because my family's a fuck up. SB Stranger: I'm not going to forgive you over that. But you deserve support. And I want to make sure you're okay. RL You: I'm fine. SB Stranger: I believe you. I still want to see you, unless you don't want to see me. RL You: It's not that I don't want to see you. Of course I do. SB
But you haven't spoken to me in months, and I don't want you to feel you have to just because of this. SB Stranger: I know I don't have to. RL You: Alright. Come then. SB Stranger: I'll see you tonight then, Sirius. RL You: [delayed] Come by floo, if you can. It's quickest. JP Stranger: Yeah, of course. That was my plan. I'll be there at five sharp. Unless, is Peter already there? RL You: Not yet. Why? JP Stranger: Well, if he was there, I might drop by a little earlier. But I didn't want to come too much before him. RL You: He'll probably be here a little before five, but come whenever. Mum will do us food and stuff, and you can obviously stay. JP Stranger: Are you sure there's enough space? I don't want to be a burden. RL You: There's plenty of room. Don't be ridiculous. JP
We'll most likely spread out blankets on the living room floor and all crash there. JP Stranger: Alright. That sounds nice, actually. I've been getting a little lonely up here. RL You: Just a pre-warning. Sirius isn't .. like, Sirius, right now. Understandably. JP
I just want you to know before you come, so it's not some big surprise. He's pretty quiet and withdrawn. JP Stranger: I figured as much. He seemed a little off when he talked to me. RL You: He's mostly just sleeping. Like, a lot. JP
I don't even know if he even realises what's going on. JP Stranger: How did he get to your house? RL You: No idea. Wasn't magic, can't have been. He wasn't strong enough. JP Stranger: And not floo? RL You: Nope. Came straight to the door, sopping wet. JP Stranger: He can't have walked. That would be crazy. Muggle transport? Broom? RL You: No broom. Maybe muggle transport, but don't you need muggle money for that? JP Stranger: Yes. You do. He won't answer when you ask? RL You: Says he can't remember. JP Stranger: Did he have a confundus charm cast on him or something? RL You: I honestly have no idea, moons. JP
I mean, I knew his family was messed up, but not like this. I didn't think they'd physically hurt him. JP Stranger: I'm not surprised, given what he's said about them. His mother always seemed on the brink. RL You: At least he's out. JP Stranger: Yes. Exactly. RL You: Peter just got here. JP
See you around five? JP Stranger: Around five, yeah. RL You: [you wanna do paras?] Stranger: [sure! you want to start or me?] You: [you can go for it if you like!] Stranger: [Okay] Stranger: Remus had considered simply not going. Nothing about his qualms with Sirius had changed between today and yesterday. All that had changed was Sirius's situation. Still, knowing that a very confused and battered Sirius had turned up injured at James's house and was still unlike himself, Remus couldn't help but want to see him, just to check with his own eyes and make sure he was okay, and maybe offer some comfort. It wasn't as though he hated Sirius, after all. He didn't even dislike him. He was just so shocked and hurt by last year's prank that it was difficult to look at him. But come fall, he was going to have to face Sirius every day anyway. Maybe it was better they broke the ice now. With a small bag packed (clothes to sleep in and change into, a toothbrush, chocolate and a book in case he couldn't sleep) Remus took a handful of floo powder from the bowl above the mantle in his house and, after saying his destination and closing his eyes for the dizzying ride,opened his eyes on the Potter's living room, brushing the ash out of his curls and off of his jumper before he stepped out, glancing around for James, Sirius, Peter, Mr. or Mrs. Potter. Anyone, really. You: Mrs Potter was the first to spot Remus, having been preparing dinner for all the boys in the kitchen. "Oh, Remus. Look at you, so tall. So handsome." She fussed over the boy - considering she was a mother, she thought it to be her job to. It seemed some of these boys didn't get enough love from their own blood. "Alright. Down, mother." James interrupted, pushing the door shut behind him and offering Remus a small, apologetic smile. "Sorry, mate." Mrs Potter, despite her enthusiastic entity, looked fairly worn out. James wasn't exactly looking his best, either. His dark complexity seemed paler, his hair sticking up this way and that, even more than normal. "Peter's in the living room. Sirius is still sleeping." He added, glancing at the grandfather clock in the hallway. Stranger: Remus chuckled and pinked slightly around the ears, at once endeared to Mrs. Potter by her perennial sweetness and utterly unsure how to respond to the fussing. "Growing like a weed, my mother says," He agreed, rubbing one of the fresher scars that cut across his cheek self-consciously, "Thanks for having me, Mrs. Potter." He glanced up when James, with typical brusqueness, stepped into the room. Remus was used to seeing James in most forms, given the ups and downs of quidditch and his attempts at wooing Lily Evans, and today was a definite bad day. He looked a bit ashen, and his hair was a riotous mess. Remus's brow furrowed. "Are you alright, James?" He asked, taking a step closer as he hitched up his bag, "You look... off." You: "Yeah, yeah. Just," James shrugged, once again running his hands through the mess of tangles he called hair. "You know, with Sirius and stuff." At once, he brushed away the topic, able to notice from years of experience, the way his mum was beginning to eavesdrop of the conversation. Angling her body purposely away from them, but keeping her head fairly far back. Amateur. James hadn't kept anything from her, really. He'd told her what he knew about the family, ish. If he'd gone in details, he knew his mother would've been storming through the Black's manor like a force to be reckoned with. Quite scary she could be, Mrs Potter. "Let's head into the room," he muttered, leading his way through a long hallway, monumental photos issued at every interval. James' first birthday, his first quidditch broom. The odd photo of Sirius, too. "Hi, Moony." Peter smiled from his spot on the floor, haven developed quite a friendship with the Potter's cat, which was currently curled in his lap. Stranger: Remus followed James's glance towards Mrs. Potter and swallowed a smile. Of course she would be interested in milking every possible detail of of James. Especially considering Sirius's condition, James was a far preferable source of information over Sirius himself. He wasn't sure how much James had told his mother, but Remus guessed it must not be everything. Considering how protective Mrs. Potter was, Remus wouldn't have been surprised if he tried to pass Sirius's curse marks off as being the result of a brawl with a rival or something. Not his mother. He followed James into the living room, glancing at the portraits on the wall as they passed, and smiling when at last he saw Peter. "Hi Wormtail," He greeted, "Shouldn't you have a natural aversion to cats, considering?" And then, more gravely, "Have you gotten a chance to see Sirius yet?" You: James collapsed onto one of the sofas, running a hand over his face. Last night, he'd gotten hardly any sleep. The night was either filled with talking to Sirius, or staying awake to check he was still bloody breathing, despite his mother's assurances of his respiratory functions. Worst of all, despite everything, James felt guilty. They'd all known about Sirius' family situation - maybe not to the abusive extent it went, but at least some. And to credit them, they'd tried to get him to leave. James had always said he was welcome at the Potters, that he was as good as family already. But there was still something tugging at James, as if he could've done more. "Not yet, no." Peter brushed cat hairs from his trousers, sniffing. "Only got here like an hour ago and he's been asleep, so." The three boys filled the next three hours with food, talk of what they'd done over the holidays, and a game of snaps. (Mrs Potter quickly put an end to that.) It was passing into the late evening and blankets were layered over the living room floor when Sirius joined them, pausing by the door. His long hair, longer than usual, framed his bruised face, turned away from the peering eyes of his best mates. "Oh, hey." He muttered, lifting his gaze just slightly and taking the seat besides James. Stranger: While usually Remus would have enjoyed his time with James and Peter easily-- eating Mrs. Potter's excellent cooking, chatting, sharing his chocolate and playing (albeit short-lived) games, he couldn't manage to relax, knowing that Sirius was sleeping away for hours at a time just a few yards away, exiled from his family, injured and probably very unhappy. Beyond that, there was the anxiety of talking to someone he was still angry with, but couldn't bear to see hurt. They hadn't spoken in months, and now he was here when Sirius was at his most vulnerable. He'd have to watch himself-- to make sure he said only what he meant, not things that were too soft and sweet, and that would burn away again once Sirius was well. He glanced up when Sirius came in, frowning faintly at the sight of the bruises before Sirius shied away from Peter's and his concerned looks. His hair was at least an inch longer than it had been when school had ended. Remus dropped his gaze. "Hi, Sirius," He said, "How are you feeling?" You: Easily, James through his arm around his brother and, just as easily, Sirius lent into it. His home - or his old home - did strange things to him, whenever he had to spend prolonged amounts of time there. It was like he would forget that people were capable of showing affection, that not everybody else adopts the cold, 'tough love' that his own parents do. Days, he could manage. But school holidays dawned on him like a storm, building up throughout the last couple weeks of the term and festering inside of him. Of course, he'd never show that. Black pride is perhaps the only thing he has to show of his heritage. That was why coming to the Potters was always such a culture shock. If he was good for his parents, he was allowed to come to the Potters for two weeks of the holiday. Meaning he could go if he shut the hell up and stayed out of his parents way, unless it was to attend grand, ridiculous balls or be forced to chat to females for a possible future wife. Purebloods only, of course. Keep the blood clean. /Bullshit/. But then he'd come here, where everything is extravagant displays of affection, with Mrs Potter and her fussing and Mr Potter with his pat on the back and, you look good, son, and sometimes Sirius wondered what James must've done in his past life to deserve a family like this. And what Sirius must've done to deserve one like his own. "I'm alright. Just confused, I guess." He shrugged, resting his head on James' shoulder. James began to pass him a hair tie from his wrist, before hesitating and tying Sirius' hair up himself. Silently, Sirius thanked him. His arms were much too tired for that. "Looking good, Wormtail." Sirius nodded towards the pyjamas, bright blue with yellow dots, a hint of a smile on his face. Stranger: Remus smiled faintly and nodded. "I'm glad you got here alright. It's nice to see you again." The air felt tense and the conversation a little stilted between himself and Sirius. Sirius seemed not at ease, exactly. Not /born/ to lean against James's shoulder or sprawl out on the couch like he did sometimes-- the good times. But he seemed comfortable with James, like he belonged there, and there was something of his usual attitude in the way he talked to Peter too. Then again, their normal had been destroyed when Sirius had nearly sent Severus to his death by Remus's teeth last school year. Still, Remus found it a little difficult to believe Sirius had asked for him. Remus drew a knee to his chest and wrapped his arms around it, resting his chin on them and trying not to watch the tender fraternal exchange between James and Sirius, as James tied his hair up for him. Maybe, if he had only written Sirius, or cleared the air with him last spring, Remus could have prevented this, somehow. Gotten Sirius to leave home before the lightning struck. You: Sirius wasn't sure what his mother had cursed him with - only remembered a lick of pain across his side and a brief feeling of fire burning through his veins, and then it was gone. It had taken Sirius the couple days he'd been here to even think up that memory, having to distinguish whether it had really happened or he'd fabricated it from thin air. It felt hazy, and broken, the way a dream did. Somehow, afterwards, he'd ended up at the Potters. He was still trying to fit the pieces between those two events, but every time he thought about it, he was reminded of the excruciating headache resting just behind his eyes. Everything ached and burnt, but it somehow felt better with his friends here. "It's really nice to see you again, too. Really." Sirius looked over at his old friend, his ex boyfriend, and looked away once more. Similar sensation to the headache. Slowly, the boys started to lose some of the tension. Wormtail returned to his ridiculous self, discussing some sort of muggle theory on aliens he'd heard about from his muggle aunt. James argued with his father over quidditch, when Mr Potter popped in. And Remus stayed quiet, offering small comments and laughter, here and there. But that was Remus. Sirius - well, he was just tired. Stranger: At least it didn't stay tense for too long. Remus had wanted both Peter and James there for a reason-- to dilute the strangeness between himself and Sirius, to make it easier for him to act normal, without freezing up too much. Eventually, he was able to relax into the evening again, trying not to notice the way Sirius looked at him-- or didn't look at him-- or the bruises on Sirius's skin, or just how tired he looked still, even after all that sleep. Eventually, Remus got up to brush his teeth and change into his own pajamas, which now stopped an inch or two too short of his ankles, considering his recent growth spurt, trying not to toy too much with the holes in the hem of his t-shirt, lest they get any bigger. It was getting late, and the evening felt as though it was winding down as people got more tired. Remus was gradually gathering a small nest of blankets around himself, talking less, and still trying not to look too hard at Sirius, because as much as it burned not to look at him, it pained him even more to look, and he didn't want to make Sirius uncomfortable, regardless. You: Wormtail was the first one to fall asleep, which any of them could've put money on. Despite how exhausted he felt, Sirius was having a hard time transforming that feeling into actually actions, meaning James eventually fell asleep, head in Sirius' lap. He was just thankful that the other could actually sleep, knowing he'd been up all night to look after Sirius. All that was left was Remus, Sirius and the odd soft snores of James. The two of them seemed to be pointedly /not/ looking at one another, and the awkwardness was starting to build up again, and Sirius was too drained to feel uncomfortable. "I know I've told you this a million times, but I regret what I did that night. More than I've ever regretted anything else." His voice was strained, probably not used to speak coherent sentences after a full five weeks of saying nothing more than the odd 'yes, sir' and 'no, ma'am'. Still, he didn't look at Remus, just watched his own hand, which was currently tangled in James' hair. Stranger: Remus could hear the disuse and exhaustion in Sirius's voice, and frowned again, just a little, as he actually looked up at Sirius for the first time in what felt like an hour. Sirius wasn't looking at him, though, so Remus glanced away again to study his own fingers and the wash-worn fabric of his shirt. "I know," Remus whispered in return, after a few seconds of silence, words coming only hesitantly, "I just... I would never have thought you would do something like that. You've-- we've-- always been... unfriendly to Snape, but to actually do something that could kill him, to potentially turn me into what I'm so afraid of being without thinking about what that would mean to me, above and beyond whatever punishment I would receive. I just never expected that out of you. I was shocked. I still don't understand it. But I still care about you, and worry about you, and want you to be happy. I'll... move past it. Eventually. And this isn't about me right now." You: "It's always about you," Sirius whispered, more to himself, though he knew Remus would able to hear him through the silence that had engulfed the room. "That wasn't ever - It wasn't about killing him, or making you into anything, definitely not some sort of monster. Which I never, ever saw you as. Believe me. And that was part of the problem," he paused slightly as James shuffled, mumbling something about the snitch quietly, and then fading back into snores. "I never saw you as that monster. Maybe I didn't understand the danger I was putting Snape in, and maybe I did. But I didn't want him dead. I'm not - I'm not like that. Like them." Deciding to blurt out the entrance to the Whomping Willow was singlehandedly the most self-destructive thing Sirius had ever done, looking past the destruction it caused to Moony and Snape, obviously. But it lost him one of his best friends - James too, for a while. And Remus broke up with him. "I just want to say that I'm sorry, though I'm sure you're sick of hearing that from me." Stranger: "If that's what you think," Remus murmured, despite himself, even though he knew Sirius had not really been addressing him, "Then you underestimate your own importance, Sirius." Because this night, inarguably as far as Remus was concerned, should be focused on helping Sirius feel better. He drew his other knee up to his chest as well as Sirius kept speaking, drawing himself into a ball as he stared across the living room at the curtains that kept out the moonlight. Waning gibbous, he knew without looking. He had a few weeks before the next night. His mouth twitched when Sirius said he never saw him as a monster, and Remus, despite his sharp misgivings in the days following the prank, believed him. It was still a selfish, short-sighted, foolish thing to do that had broken Remus's trust in Sirius, and allowed Snape to figure out his secret, but at least Remus could cling to that. "I know," He murmured at last, "Thank you, Padfoot. I want to be friends again. To act like friends again." You: "I want that, too." Truthfully, Sirius wanted everything to go back to how it had been before. For Remus to trust him, for the two of them to be okay again. To be /them/ again, but he understood that couldn't happen. And he wouldn't put Remus in a position where he asked for it, either. For now, friends worked. And if that was all they ever was going to be, that would have to work too. Slowly, over the next week, Sirius gained a little more strength. Mrs Potter had confirmed that it had been a confundus charm and that it would start to fade. Sirius felt it happen as it did, everything seemed to come into focus and he could actually focus on one conversation at a time. Peter had to go home after a few days to start packing for Hogwarts, because he was staying with his muggle relatives. But Remus stuck around, and they were okay, too. They weren't them, but they were okay. There were still bad moments mingled in there, too - like when his parents sent the letter to the Potters, officially disowning him as their son and withdrawing any family rights. There was no emotion to the letter, no grief over the loss of their son, but also no bitterness. Overall, it was a simple dear Sirius, you're not our son anymore and you can't have our money. Signed off with a sharp signature. Sirius had been the one to get the post, and was sat at the dinner table, letter clutched in his hands and /definitely not tears in his eyes/ when Remus walked in. Because they were awful people, truly, but they were still his family. Stranger: Remus didn't really /need/ Peter by the time Peter left. He didn't stay at the Potter's the whole time. He ducked home every other day or so to spend a few hours at home, or get something, or check in with his parents. But even so, he became habituated to life there, kipping on the couch, or the floor beside the couch, depending, and chatting with James and Sirius until it felt almost natural again, even though he didn't touch Sirius in the way that he had before the prank because they weren't together anymore, and Remus was not about to go diving into it again too fast. Mrs. Potter had dragged James out shopping with her, so when Remus wandered into the kitchen, he and Sirius were perfectly alone. One glance between Sirius and the letter gave him a decent idea of just what was written inside. Sirius looked like he was trying desperately to hold back tears. Remus's brow furrowed. "From your parents?" He asked, going to lean against the chair next to Sirius. You: "Yeah," Sirius managed, clearing his throat a couple times before tossing the letter in the general direction of Remus. As the other read it, Sirius tried to keep his focus on something else - the pattern of the dining cloth, the continuous hooting of the delivery owl by the window. Just something so he wouldn't cry, or get mad. They seemed to be the only emotions his family elicited from him recently. The neglect of money wasn't an issue - Sirius didn't give a shit about any of that. He could get a job if he needed, and he knew he could stay here for however long he wanted. But seeing the disowning from his family so clearly stated. It was the finality about it that frightened him, and Sirius began to wonder if he'd ever see his family again - he'd see Regulus at school, but what about after that? Stranger: Remus snatched the letter out of the air and read it, the furrow deepening in his brow. The tone was cold. Indifferent. The farthest thing from familial Remus could imagine, which, he supposed, was fitting, considering the letter's contents. It was tempting to say good riddance to Walburga and most of the rest of the Black family, but it was obvious that Sirius didn't see it that way at the moment, which was more than understandable. Even after everything, they were still his family, people who were supposed to love him unconditionally. "I'm sorry, Sirius," He said at last, setting the letter aside, "You deserve so much better than that. But you'll always have a home with the Potters. James and Mr. and Mrs. Potter will always adore you, and Peter, and me. I-- know that doesn't make up for everything. But you don't have a shortage of people who love and care for you. And any members of your family who want to reach out to you, I'm sure they'll find a way." You: Sirius wiped angrily at his cheeks, knowing that it was useless trying to stop the crying now - especially since Remus had started talking. Sirius did not deserve. He didn't deserve the kind words and the promises of loves - none of it. Remus was far too good for him, too kind. Mostly, Sirius was just glad that Remus hadn't tried to brush this off. He would've understood if any of his friends had turned around, asked him why he still cared after all they'd done, asked him why he wasted tears over them. He would'e understood, really, he just wouldn't've known how the hell to respond. "Yeah," he managed, again, voice thick. He sniffed once, letting his head fall into his hands. Stranger: Remus didn't say anything. He wouldn't stop Sirius from crying, even if the tears that Sirius was trying fruitlessly to dash from his eyes were making his own chest ache. Pulling out the chair he had been leaning against, Remus sat down beside Sirius, and after a moment of hesitation, wrapped an arm around his shoulders, squeezing him close, until his head brushed close to Sirius's, side to side. He just sat there silently, holding Sirius in a half hug and waiting for him to either draw away, or draw closer, or say something, but beyond that just giving him the opportunity to cry all he needed to, over the loss of the family that was already so much less than he deserved You: Honestly, Sirius couldn't decide if having Remus comforting him like this was making it better or worse. Now, all he could think about was the times before when they'd hold each other like this, and suddenly he wasn't just grieving the loss of his family, but the loss of a relationship which had meant so much to him. All because he'd behaved like - like a Black. But he didn't try to move away, of course he didn't. Without knowing it, this was what he'd needed these past couple of days. Or one of the things he'd needed; a shower, food, Peter to make him laugh, James to remind him he has a family, and Remus to make him feel loved again. It took a handful of minutes for him to calm down but, once he had, he titled his head to the side slightly, his cheek resting against the palm of his hand that was propped on the table. His and Remus' faces were fairly close. "Thank you. I don't - I don't deserve that. Thank you." Stranger: Remus sat there the whole time, unmoving, just letting Sirius cry until he had reached a sort of equilibrium, though even after he stopped he didn't draw away. Sirius was warm beside him, and he missed this. He wasn't as physical as James and Sirius were-- he could count the times that he had fallen asleep leaning against James or with his head in his lap on one hand, and it happened even more rarely with Peter-- but he hadn't realized how much he had missed hugging Sirius, being physically close to him. It was soothing, and even given the grave context of this embrace, he couldn't help but enjoy it a little. "You absolutely deserve it, Pads," Remus said when Sirius spoke, "You deserve a family that loves you. And maybe you weren't born into that family, but you have it now." You: ((I really have to go cos I have to be up for work in like 5 hours, but I'm really loving this so if you want to continue send your reply to - [email protected] and I'll reply when I can tomorrow! Thanks soo much for this, I loved it)) You have disconnected.

Destiel #41

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi! You both like destiel. You: [Marriage/Human AU] I’m aware that our marriage isn’t exactly what it used to be, but sending divorce papers to my work? Really? You didn’t even mention getting one, you asshole. CN Stranger: Just wanted to see what you would say. If you would sign them or not. Calm down. -DW You: Calm down? Everyone at work is talking about it now. You embarrassed me. CN Stranger: You're probably overreacting. -DW You: You don't care how any of this makes me feel. This is my professional life. CN Stranger: For it being your professional life, you aren't acting very professional, babe. -DW You: Go fuck yourself. CN Stranger: Hey, come on. That's overreacting. -DW You: So, what if I did sign them? CN Stranger: I don't know, I'd have to sign them. -DW You: Right. CN
Do you want me to? CN Stranger: You sound like you want to. -DW You: Doesn't answer my question. CN Stranger: I don't care what you do, Cas. -DW You: Wow. Okay. CN You: I don't know what we're waiting for. None of us seem to be fighting for anything. CN Stranger: So what, you wanna get a divorce? -DW You: You sent the papers. CN Stranger: Cause I know you want one. -DW You: Bullshit. You just said you don't care. CN Stranger: I don't care if you sign them or not. That's what I said. But I know you want to get a divorce. It's just a matter of signing them or not. -DW You: You don't care if I sign them? CN Stranger: I don't care. -DW Stranger: But if you sign them, then I will too. -DW You: [delayed] Alright. I'll get my lawyers to read it over and then I'll sign it. CN
I'll go stay with Gabe. CN Stranger: You're really gonna do it, huh? -DW You: Nothing stopping me. CN Stranger: Right, yeah. -DW You: You can have the house until the lease runs out. CN Stranger: Are you serious? -DW You: You don't care. CN Stranger: What? -DW You: You said it. You don't care whether I sign or not. I want to be with someone who does care. CN Stranger: I said it because if you signed, then it would mean you really wanted it. I'm not about to make you live with someone you hate and don't wanna live with anymore. -DW Stranger: Besides, all we do is yell at each other and I doubt the fucking marriage counselor you make me go to even gives a shit if we divorce or not. -DW You: How about you just stop with the reverse psychology and the guilt tripping and the bullshit? For once, be straight with me. Do you want me to sign these papers? Regardless of what I want. CN Stranger: It doesn't matter because you do! You're already sorting shit out with the lawyers and with the house and staying with Gabe! -DW You: Do you want me to sign these papers? CN Stranger: It doesn't matter because you want to sign them. -DW You: Dean. Do you want me to sign these papers? CN Stranger: You never cared about what I think, so I don't know why you're starting now. -DW You: Answer me. CN Stranger: Yeah, why not? Go ahead and sign them. Fuck off. -DW You: Alright. CN Stranger: Fine. -DW You: Is this what you want? CN Stranger: It's what you want, and that's good enough for me. -DW You: Please just give me a straight answer. CN Stranger: Look. I sent you the papers because I wanted to see what you wanted. If you signed them, then I would sign them. If you wouldn't, then I wouldn't. So, you're gonna sign the papers? Fine. I'll sign them because I don't wanna live the rest of my life with you hating the ever loving fuck out of me. -DW You: If you don't want me to sign them, I won't. We'll keep working on us. CN Stranger: I want you to do what you wanna do. -DW You: I'm not signing until you give me an answer. CN Stranger: Oh my god. -DW Stranger: You're so fucking stubborn. -DW You: Yep. CN Stranger: What the fuck do you want me to say here, Cas? That I still love you or what? -DW You: I want to know what you want. You always pass it off on me and say do whatever you want. It's up to you, Cas. What do you want? CN Stranger: [delayed] I don't want you to sign the papers. -DW Stranger: But I know you want to. -DW You: I'm willing to work on us. CN Stranger: You said you'd sign them. -DW You: If you wanted me to. cn Stranger: Cas, you told me to say what I want yet you can't even do that yourself. -DW Stranger: What the fuck do you want? -DW You: Right now, I want to sign them. But I won't. CN
Instead, we can work harder to fix this. CN Stranger: No, it's fine. Go ahead and sign them. -DW You: No. CN Stranger: Fuck you, then I will. -DW You: I won't. CN Stranger: You said you wanna sign them, then sign them. -DW Stranger: I'm not changing the way I am anytime soon, so we're gonna get a divorce sooner or later. -DW You: We both have to change. CN Stranger: Like I said, I'm not changing. -DW You: Not even to fix us? CN Stranger: Probably not. And even if I do, you're never gonna be satisfied with it. -DW You: I love you. CN You: But I can't keep doing this. Not the way that we are. CN Stranger: Don't say that to me just to soften the blow. -DW Stranger: You haven't said that to me in months and now the only reason why you're saying it is to say you wanna divorce me. -DW You: No. It's to say that I fell in love with someone that is so different to the person you are now. We both need to change and try and make this work. CN Stranger: Nope, I'm pretty sure I'm the same. You're the one that Stranger: that's different. -DW** You: You drink all the time. You're out the majority of nights. You haven't touched me in months. You have changed. CN Stranger: I've tried to have sex a billion times, Cas! You're always the one telling me to get away from you. You're the one that doesn't wanna touch me in return. -DW Stranger: And I don't drink all the time. Not more than I did before we got married or started dating. -DW You: Okay, Dean. CN Stranger: You know I'm right. You just like to blame it all on me and make it seem like all of the things I did before we got married are now bad and that it's me "changing". -DW You: All you want is sex. You never just wanna be near me or kiss me or hold my hand. CN Stranger: Course I do. -DW You: You don't. CN Stranger: Cas, yes I do. -DW Stranger: You're the one that never says I love you back. -DW You: You only say it when we're fucking. CN Stranger: I say it after. And when you go off to work without kissing me or looking at me or even drinking the fucking coffee I make. -DW You: Do you want to try and fix this? CN Stranger: You don't. You wanna sign the papers. -DW] You: I want to sign them if nothing's going to change. CN Stranger: You're just gonna make me go to another fucking marriage counselor if I say things are gonna change. -DW Stranger: You're gonna change me and take all my whiskey and not let me go out at night and not let me do what I want, and nothing about you is gonna change. Because this is all my fault, isn't it? You don't think any of this is your fault. -DW You: Tell me what you want me to change and I will. CN Stranger: So you're not denying anything. You're gonna make me do all this stupid shit. -DW You: I'm going to ask you to stop drinking, yes. CN You: You can go out whenever, but I want at least one night a week for me and you to do something together. CN Stranger: I'm not gonna stop drinking. -DW You: Please? CN Stranger: This isn't fucking church, Cas. I'm gonna drink. -DW You: Just for occasions, then. You: CN You: Not everyday. CN Stranger: Cas. -DW You: What? CN Stranger: No. -DW You: Then I'm done. CN Stranger: You're gonna divorce me because I like to have a little whiskey every once in a while? Okay. -DW You: I'm going to divorce you because you're not willing to stop drinking every fucking day in order to stay with me. CN Stranger: And what about you? Will you stop nagging to me all the time or am I gonna have to divorce you just so you can stop? -DW You: Why don't you find someone who'll fucking celebrate you destroying your liver and not give a fuck about you? They'll never nag you because they won't care! Oh, that'd be perfect for you, wouldn't it? CN Stranger: Yeah, it would. Thanks. -DW You: Fucking go for it, then. CN Stranger: Nagging doesn't show that you care, by the way. It shows that you're a controlling asshole who wants some kind of perfect barbie dream house life and can't stand otherwise. Newsflash, babe, pretending that your life if perfect doesn't actually make your life perfect. -DW You: A drunk for a husband with no job? I'm fairly sure I know my life isn't perfect. CN Stranger: I have a job. -DW You: When you bother to show up. CN Stranger: I do, asshole. See? This is exactly what I'm talking about. -DW You: I'll sign the papers. CN Stranger: Exactly. That's what I thought. -DW You: I'll stay at Gabe's until it's finalised. CN Stranger: Whatever. -DW You: The papers will be with you by the weekend. CN Stranger: Whatever. Excuse me while I go drink and be the deadbeat that you think I am. -DW You: I'll go and be a 'controlling asshole' somewhere else. Probably push away everyone I care about because I can't stand to have anything less than perfect. CN Stranger: Have fun. That's what you do best. -DW You: [next week] The papers will be home today for you to sign. CN Stranger: Yeah, okay. -DW You: Then if you could post them back to the address written on the side, I'll sort everything. CN Stranger: I'm just gonna sign them. You can figure out the rest. -DW You: Could you just send them back to the address, please? CN Stranger: And you can't? -DW You: Fine. I'll get Gabe to come and pick them up. CN Stranger: Fine. -DW You: [no reply] Stranger: So you really signed them? -DW Stranger: All because I want to drink? -DW You: The papers will be home today for you to sign. CN Stranger: Answer me, asshole. You can't answer me? -DW You: I signed them because you don't care. You started this by saying you didn't care if I signed. You would rather have a drink and lose me. CN Stranger: I'd rather not get limited by my husband as if I was a child. That's how you treat me, Cas. Like I'm a fucking child. -DW Stranger: I should be able to drink and be your husband at the same time, and I've been doing that but all you care about is the drinking. -DW You: I don't like the person you are when you're drunk. CN Stranger: I sleep when I Stranger: I'm drunk. -DW** ((shit sorry lmao)) You: ((it's all good hahha) You: You get angry when you're drunk. CN You: Then you fall asleep. CN Stranger: I do not get angry. -DW Stranger: I've never hit you, Cas. -DW You: Never did I say you had. But you do get angry. You shout and cuss me out. CN Stranger: Like you don't do that! -DW You: You do it for no fucking reason when you're pissed. You threw a fucking glass at me two weeks ago because I told you to go to fucking bed. CN Stranger: Yeah, like I'm a child! You can't tell your fucking husband to go to bed like he's a fucking three year old. -DW You: You know what, De? Okay. You're fine. You do nothing wrong. All you do is have the odd drink here and there and that's it. All of this is me - nagging and shouting and controlling. Okay. CN Stranger: I'm saying you should let me have my nightcap and I'll lay off. I shouldn't have to ask for permission to do these things, Cas. -DW You: You don't have to anymore. CN Stranger: Cas, come on. -DW You: I don't know what to do anymore. CN Stranger: You signed the papers. -DW You: I signed the papers. CN Stranger: And you want me to sign the papers. -DW You: I want you to be happy. CN Stranger: So you want me to sign the papers. -DW You: Yeah. CN You: Then you can do whatever you want. CN Stranger: Do you think we can't make each other happy? -DW You: I think we've forgotten how to. CN Stranger: Yeah...yeah, okay. -DW Stranger: I'll have the papers signed and we'll be happy. -DW You: You think? CN Stranger: Yeah. You will. -DW You: You won't have me on your case all the time. CN Stranger: I know. -DW You: I don't have to worry about if you're okay when you're out at night. CN Stranger: I know. -DW You: And maybe you and your dad will be able to sort things with me gone? CN Stranger: I don't know about that. -DW You: Maybe, though. CN Stranger: I doubt it. -DW You: Don't make Sam hate me. CN Stranger: I couldn't even if I tried, Cas. -DW You: Don't even try. CN Stranger: I won't. -DW You: Okay. CN Stranger: If he hates anyone from this situation, it's gonna be me. -DW You: Sam couldn't hate you. Kid worships the ground you walk on. CN You: You basically raised him. CN Stranger: Yeah, and he worships the ground you walk on so he'll kill me. -DW Stranger: Basically yelled at me for hours straight when I said we wanted to get a divorce. -DW You: He might kill you. Never hate you, though. CN Stranger: He does, I can tell. -DW Stranger: It's fine though. Doesn't matter. -DW You: You think everyone that loves you, hates you. CN Stranger: They all do eventually. -DW You: Not yet. CN Stranger: Sam hates me, Dad hates me. You hate me. Or you will, or you did or whatever. -DW You: Sam doesn't hate you. Your dad hates me. I don't hate you. Nor will I ever. CN You: Your dad has hated the world ever since your mom passed. That's not your fault. CN Stranger: Yeah it is. It's my fault. -DW You: How? CN Stranger: It's my fault in the beginning for not saving mom. And then just...I don't know. I was a bad son, I made him mad and I blamed him for everything. You know how that goes. -DW You: Dean, you couldn't've saved her. CN Stranger: Yeah, I could've. -DW You: No. And even after that, he blamed you for everything. He left town for months at a time and left you to raise Sam. He was scum. CN Stranger: Cas, shut up. -DW Stranger: He's not. -DW You: Yes, he is. CN Stranger: Stop. Seriously. -DW You: He beat the shit out of you when he caught us together. CN Stranger: Cas, stop. He didn't. -DW You: I was there, Dean. CN You: Stop defending him. CN Stranger: I deserved it and you know it. -DW Stranger: I didn't tell him about me or us or anything. -DW You: For being gay? CN Stranger: Yeah. -DW You: Oh, Dean. CN Stranger: Are you done bashing my father? -DW You: He does the bashing. CN Stranger: Cas, we're getting divorced. You can't tell me this shit anymore. -DW You: You never listened anyway. I remember begging you to leave, as I was fucking cleaning the blood from your face and you wouldn't. CN Stranger: He's my dad, Cas! I don't care who the fuck you think he is. He's my family. -DW You: I just wish you realised how much better you deserve. CN Stranger: Too bad I'm just as deadbeat as him, huh? -DW You: You'd never hurt anyone. CN Stranger: I hurt you. -DW You: Not the way John does. CN You: He hit me, once. CN You: That wasn't you. CN Stranger: He hurt you for a second. I hurt you for years. -DW Stranger: That's why this thing isn't working. -DW You: Our whole marriage hasn't been like this. We were so happy. Once we'd got away from Lawrence, we were good. It's just this past year. CN Stranger: I don't really wanna go back and talk about all this shit, Cas. -DW You: Okay. We won't. CN Stranger: Yeah, okay. -DW You: You can read it all in the papers but basically the terms are, you get the house until lease ends, which is about 10 months away, I think. You also get half the savings account. CN Stranger: I don't wanna talk about the divorce either. -DW You: I'll leave you alone. CN Stranger: [no reply] You: [short timeskip] Hey. Sorry. I'm just letting you know that the papers are getting sent today. Then it's all finalised. CN Stranger: Okay, thanks. -Dw You: [no reply] Stranger: I know we divided up all the legal stuff, but if you wanna some of the personal stuff...like your CDs or whatever, I got everything in a box. -DW You: Photos? CN Stranger: Yeah, those too. -DW Stranger: Couple of your t-shirts and books and some other stuff. -DW You: Yeah. I'll come get those. Do you wanna keep Jesper? CN ((I'm thinking they have a dog lmao)) Stranger: You can take him. He likes you better anyways. -DW ((lol yeah that works!)) You: Maybe you have him until I find a place? CN Stranger: He's been whimpering ever since you left, Cas. I think he wants you. -DW Stranger: You've always been the one taking care of him anyways. -DW You: Alright. Gabe'll be cool with me keeping him here, I'm sure. CN
Do you - you know. Wanna be out of the house when I come or? CN Stranger: Doesn't matter. I'll probably be passed out by the time you get here anyways. -DW You: [delayed] Okay. I'll call by in about an hour. CN Stranger: Okay. -DW You: ((wanna go for paras?)) Stranger: ((sure! do you mind starting?)) You: ((not at all!)) You: The house already looked so different - Cas had only been gone for three weeks. The flowers in the front garden had began to wilt, Jesper free to rip up patches without Cas there to tell him off. He wouldn't allow himself to imagine Dean living without him because the end result was never a favourable one. Cas closed the car door behind him with trembling hands, straightening out his wrinkled clothes. Believe it or not, Dean had always been the one to do the washing and ironing and folding. It had calmed him, apparently. Get in, get your things, get out. That was the plan. Already, Cas could see the golden lab at the window, his barks falling silent as he spotted Cas. As always, he let himself in, only hesitating for a second as he did so. Stranger: Dean didn't want to think that this was true, but hell, it was. He was getting divorced, and now for the rest of his natural born life, he was gonna have that label slapped on his forehead every time he walked into a bar or any room for that matter. But more than that, it hurt that he was getting divorced from his best friend, from the love of his life, from the guy he wouldn't have ever thought he'd get divorced from. But there it was. Castiel wanted it and Dean wasn't going to change, so they had done it. And originally, Dean thought it would be great to be able to drink and get away with it, to go out and have fun, to leave the flowers to wilt without Castiel getting mad at him. But here he was, doing all of that, wasted and drunk as soon as he got home from work, the flowers wilted and the grass unkept, and it was miserable. He had finished off a few drinks pretty quickly, leaving him barely awake and sprawled out on the couch, only groaning a bit when he heard someone come into the house. He knew it was probably Castiel, but the fact that Castiel had to see him like this was embarrassing. You: Jesper had pounded at him the second he opened the door, almost knocking him backwards. "Woah, boy." He muttered, hand flying out to steady himself for a few seconds before he gave the dog the affection he craved. The tell-tale groans coming from the living room confirmed what Cas had already known. Dean was drunk. Chances are, he'd been drunk everyday that Cas had been gone. The other saw it as nagging, but Cas just didn't want him to be like this everyday - dull eyed and sprawled out over the couch, not even able to make decent conversation. "Oh, Dean." He whispered once he'd caught sight of him, brushing the dog away as he knelt down infront of his husband. His ex-husband. Husband. Whatever. The box of things for Cas to collect had been by the door, but he'd brushed them out of his way to get here. "Don't do this to yourself." Stranger: Dean had been lying on his stomach, face pressed into the pillow on the couch as he groaned, but it was apparently audible enough for Castiel to hear it. He thought Castiel would just come in, see the box by the door, grab it, and leave. That was the plan. But, he had made his way to the living room, and soon enough, Dean could hear his voice right by his ear. He swallowed, blinking his eyes just so they could open a little bit, head lifting as he looked at Castiel, eyes red and glazed over. "Went to work today," he muttered, his throat dry, voice low and weak. "Went t' work today and y'r still pissed at me." he muttered. After all, Castiel was complaining that Dean never went to work because he drank so much, but here, he was showing he could do both, as desperate as that sounded. "Not my boyfriend anymore, Cas." he muttered after a moment before letting his head drop onto the pillow again, eyes shut. "Y' can't tell m' what to do 'nymore." You: The word 'boyfriend' sounded so juvenile coming from Dean's slurred lips that it almost made Cas smile. It reminded him of stolen kisses away from John's sight and climbing from windows and sneaking into bedrooms. Almost as soon as they turned 18 and left Lawrence, they were engaged. Then it was fiancé, then finally husband. Now ex-husband. Boyfriend had been a simpler time. "I'm not pissed at you," Cas assured, keeping his voice soft. Chances are Dean wouldn't get angry now. He seemed to have skipped that step and gone straight in for blank. In ways, the lack of emotion on his face was worse. This was why Cas had wanted him to stop drinking. "I know I can't. I know." Despite himself, Cas brought a hand up to brush through the hair, his forehead falling to rest on Dean's shoulder. You: brush through Dean's hair* Stranger: From Castiel's words, Dean let out a weak chuckle, the sound only being muffled by the pillow against his face, but he knew Castiel could hear it. "Mhm..." he muttered, licking his lips. "You're always pissed as someone...always pissed at me." he muttered with a huff of breath, eyes still shut as he laid down on the couch, body completely relaxed, his mind blank. He had spent the last week getting angry, throwing things. Hell, Castiel would have a heart attack if he saw how little of their glass cups they had left. But now, he was just numb. Just drinking to keep from feeling it all, just drinking to keep himself blank, to keep himself dead and numb and immune to all the shit Castiel made him feel. He knew it would get better with time, so he was allowing himself to feel this way for now. He licked his lips again, the alcohol keeping his lips and throat dry. "So don't." He muttered simply. "Get the shit you want and go fuckin' divorce me. Don't wan' you here if your just gonna be congratulatin' y'rself on how shitty I am." You: This was the kind of thing that would have instigated a fight before. Dean would've got drunk, Cas would've said something about it and then Dean would be straight in, aiming to hurt the other. It was his speciality. He always knew how to break Cas' heart, how to rip him apart and make him hurt. Granted, though, he also knew exactly how to put him back together again. Cas wondered who'd do that this time. Now, there was no energy between them for a fight. Dean was too far gone to even lift his head and Cas' entire body ached with the pain of the break up. Never would he have thought this would happen. You heard of relationships dying off, the fire dying or whatever, but this was them. They'd made it through John and through Cas' religious family and through laws against them and they had gotten married. And. It wasn't supposed to end like this, and Cas wasn't ready to. Not yet. Just a little bit longer. So he stayed where he was, hand in Dean's hair and head on his shoulder, telling himself that he was allowed to cry now. For the past three weeks, he hadn't. Hadn't cried, hadn't gotten angry. He'd just existed, sorting the papers and meeting with lawyers. Anything to keep from really thinking. Stranger: Dean huffed out a weak breath, his chest heaving against the couch as he just laid there. Castiel might've responded, but Dean hadn't heard anything. All he could take in was Castiel's hand in his hair, and his head on his shoulder. The same way he always comforted him. It was how he comforted him about John, about Sam leaving them to go to college, about every single anniversary and birthday that his dead mother had. Castiel always knew how to keep Dean steady, how to calm him down and let him just be. But of course, things weren't like that anymore, and the booze just wanted to hate Castiel so bad. "I love you, y'know." he whimpered out eventually, the silence between them heavy and daunting against Dean's body. He didn't open his eyes or move, he couldn't. "I love you and I hate you and I don't know what t'do with myself." he mumbled out, his voice weak and limp. "The fuck am I supposed to do, Cas?" he whimpered, his breaths stifling as if he was going to cry. And hell, he might. With the booze and the fact that Castiel was touching him after months of the contrary, he might. You: Cas squeezed his eyes shut at the sound of Dean's voice, tight with the restraint of tears. There'd only been a handful of times that Cas had seen the other cry; when John had called, begging him to come back home, when Sam had left for college and their wedding day. It did something to Cas, seeing the man he loved so deeply cry. His chest grew tight and he felt like he couldn't breathe, wanting more than anything to take his pain away. Right now, though, it was Cas that was causing the pain and that. That was too much. "You'll be okay." He tried, having to repeat it once more as it got lost in the lump in Cas' throat, and the tears falling quick. The fabric underneath him was growing damp. "You said it. We'll be happy. You won't have me nagging you all the time and I won't have to worry about you drinking yourself into a coma." Bullshit. If anything, he'd worry more. The hand that was in Dean's hair tightened slightly, grabbing onto him. Stranger: Dean swallowed, his breaths quickening and skipping as he tried not to cry, but from Castiel's words, he could feel a tear manage to slip down onto his cheek, staying there for a moment before it slid down and absorbed into the pillow he was laying on. He never wanted to cry, especially not in front of Castiel. Honestly, the last time he could remember that he cried in front of Castiel was on their wedding day, but it wasn't like this. That was crying because it felt like the beginning of his whole life. It was exciting and new and dare he say, magical. But this? This was crying because it felt like the end of his whole life. And it was dramatic, he knew that. But besides Castiel, he had no one. Sam was mad at him, John too, and their dog didn't even like staying with him. "T-This whole fuckin' time..." he whimpered out, a few more tears falling from this eyes. "Whole fuckin' time I thought I'd love to see you gone." he mumbled out, finally managing to open his eyes, his vision blurred from his tears, and even more from the booze. But he could see Castiel, that was all that mattered. "Th-The second you left, I realized I missed your voice." he whimpered out. Fuck, he was a baby, especially from his words and from the fact that he was crying so hard now. But he couldn't help it. "I-It's like you left and everythin' went to shit." You: Love to see him gone. Taken out of context, it cut deep. How long had he been thinking that? Dean's drinking had been escalating for the past year, and, in turn, so had Cas' bitching. Had Dean been thinking that all this time? About how much better off he'd be without Cas on his back? It would've hurt more, probably would've made him angry, if Dean didn't look so pitiful right now. The side of his face visible was marked with tear tracks, eyes red and glazed over but still so green. Fucking unbelievably green. "Take a deep breath, baby." He whispered, the hand falling from hair to cheek as he tried his best to provide comfort. Jesper whined from behind the two, winding his way between them and up onto the couch, resting her head on Dean's leg. It was like she could tell something was changing. Ending. "This is what I wanted you to understand," he began slowly, not wanting to cause an argument. "I bitch and I nag and I tell you what to do because I love you. I'm wrong a lot of the time, but I think I know what's best for you. I want the best for you." Stranger: Dean looked at Castiel, his gaze distracted and blank as he tried to keep his eyes focused on blue ones. He looked fuzzy and disoriented, but he could feel the hand on his cheek, and he could see that Castiel was looking back at him. Hell, this was probably the most eye contact they had given each other in months, which only made him realize that he missed Castiel. He missed his blue eyes, he missed his messy hair that he would kiss every morning before Castiel would go off to take a shower. He missed cooking breakfast for the both of them on weekends and he missed when Castiel would scold him for feeding a piece of bacon to Jesper since it was "unhealthy" for her. He missed the way Castiel used to look at him, full of admiration and love and pride, and he missed the way they used to work so seamlessly and effortlessly. He missed how he thought that it would last forever, that they would last forever. Because, of course, it didn't. This was how it ended. It was pathetic and weak and everything Dean strived not to be, because ultimately, he was so good at letting down the people he loved. Even now with Castiel talking to him like this, he knew he had let him down more than anyone in the world. "Mhmm..." he mumbled out weakly, licking his lips again, eyes staying on Castiel intently. "Guess we all knew who the fuck up was here." he muttered with a short and pathetic laugh towards himself, a lazy and glazed smile spreading on his lips. "Fucked up, baby...Told you I would and I did." You: Although Dean's gaze was unfocused and disorientated, it was consistent. He never wavered. The intensity of it made Cas want to look away but he forced himself not to. They had to face this head on now. Walking away and ignoring problems and beating around the bush was how they ended up here. "You're not a fuck up." He meant it, and he hoped that Dean could hear that. "You are - God, Dean. You raised your brother basically alone since he was a baby, worked three jobs from the age of eleven to put food on the table. You finished high school, even though everyone bet you wouldn't." Still, that gaze held. Their faces seemed to be moving ever closer, which Cas realised must've been his fault, as Dean was laid as still as he had been all along. "You're fucking incredible." Stranger: Dean scoffed again at Castiel's words. Castiel wasn't lying about all the stuff he said about Dean, but that didn't mean it was as big of a deal as he made it out to be. It didn't mean he wasn't a fuck up. Because ultimately, he fucked up with his dad. And ultimately, he fucked up with Sam too. So all of that was for nothing. He smiled crookedly and shook his head. "Mhmmm, tell yourself that, sweetheart." he mumbled out, forcing his hand to lift up, reaching over to Castiel. His hand felt heavy, weighed down by the world, but Castiel felt closer than ever, and he just wanted to touch him. So he did. On his cheek, hand holding it, thumb brushing softly against his cheekbone despite his state. He was soft, despite all the anger and the hatred and confusion and sadness between them. He just wanted touch him before Castiel was gone and they were strangers again. "You can't tell me that though," he finished his thought, hand still holding Castiel's cheek. "Can't sit here and tell me that 'm not a fuck up. When we're getting fucking divorced." he pointed out, staring at Castiel for a while before scoffing again, his arm dropping from Castiel's face. "Said it before...'ll say it again. I'm dead-fucking-beat." You: ((hey, i have to go as it's 3:20am. i loved this so much tho and if you wanna carry on you can send your last response to [email protected]. if you dont do email then thats cool too, thanks for a great rp!)) You have disconnected.

Wolfstar #2

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi! You both like marauders rp, wolfstar, and wolfstar rp. Stranger: [Set the morning after The Prank. Established Wolfstar. James just told Remus what happened because Sirius, my problematic babe, didn’t come up to tell Remus himself. I’m looking for this to sort of start off as /big/ fight, so a semi-defensive Sirius at first would be perfect.]

That it, then? Sirius Black is just going to hide away? RL You: Took enough of a bollocking from James. Rather not get it from everyone else, thanks. SB Stranger: Fuck you. RL You: It was a fucking joke, Remus. SB Stranger: I fail to see the humor behind you trying to make me a fucking murderer. RL You: Obviously I wasn't going to let Snape just waltz into there. What do you think I am? SB Stranger: I think you're a fucking Black. RL
Mummy might even let you back in when she hears about this, hm? RL
James dragged him out at the last bloody second. Bullshit you weren't going to let me rip him apart. /Bullshit/. RL You: Oh, nice, Rem. Real fucking nice. SB
Let's pull out the tragic backstory of Sirius, yeah. That's a wonderful idea. You know me so well. SB
Well, I didn't think he'd be fucking stupid enough to wonder in when he sees a fucking /werewolf/. SB Stranger: So this is still everyone's fault but your own. That it? RL
It's completely fine that you told him where to find me because you put a /prank/ over me. RL
Me. You're supposed to fucking /love/ me, aren't you? Isn't that what you say when I crawl into your bed, wanting nothing more than to be someone else? RL
"I love /you/, Re." Ha. Brilliant work, there. I believed you. I really did. RL You: You're so dramatic. Fuck me. SB
Putting a prank over you? I put fucking everything over you. My family, my home. SB
Don't even fucking act like I don't love you. Don't tell me you honestly believe that. SB Stranger: You're the one acting like you don't love me. RL You: For a joke? Admittedly, a fucking stupid joke that shouldn't have happened. But I didn't realise, alright? SB Stranger: It's not a joke. It's not /funny/. RL
What did you expect to happen, Sirius? What was the best case scenario for this? RL
Because I see it as either 1.) He sees me, finds out about me, and finally has the leverage he needs against us to get me run out of school, which is what's about to fucking happen. 2.) James doesn't save him, he gets up to the shack and I /murder/ him. Or 3.) I turn him. Either way with those last two I'm going to a bloody execution within the week by the Department for Disposal of Dangerous Magical Creatures. RL
So you were either trying to ruin my life, kill him using me, or kill me. That's how this is, if you realize it or fucking not. RL You: It wasn't a /planned thing/. It was an offhand joke. I just muttered something about the shrieking shack as I went past him. Said how to get to it. SB
Nothing I did was to hurt you. Just sick of him spying on us all the time. Wanted him to get a little scare. SB
You're not gonna get kicked out. Or ran out. We won't let them. SB Stranger: This is out of your hands now, Sirius. He has the information, now, and I still trust Snape less than I trust you. RL
Though it's a close fucking thing. RL You: Dumbledore won't let anything happen. SB
He took Snivellus to his office this morning. SB Stranger: He still /knows/. RL
Nobody was ever supposed to know. RL
I should have listened to my parents. RL You: I'm sorry, alright? SB
So fucking sorry. SB Stranger: I don't believe you. RL
[...] Stay the hell away from me, Sirius. Just /go/. RL You: Remus. SB
[...] Alright. I'm sorry. I am. So sorry. SB Stranger: I said I don't believe you. RL You: Wouldn't expect you to. SB
Are we.. I mean. What happens with us? SB Stranger: I already told you. RL
Stay the hell away from me. RL You: Rem, please. SB
This was a stupid fucking mistake, but it doesn't change how I feel about you. SB Stranger: And it's still about you, isn't it? RL
This entire conversation has been about /you/. RL
Maybe it changed how I feel about you. Maybe it changed how I feel about the lot of you, about- about any of this. RL
Maybe I don't want to fucking be here anymore, but how would you know? Did you ask? RL
Did you ask how many of my bones are broken? Because the answer is /seven/. RL
[...] I don't know what I expected. I really don't. I just- I can't do this, Sirius. I still can't even believe I haven't woken up in your bed from a bloody nightmare. RL You: Don't use this against the others. You know Prongs and Wormtail consider you a brother. SB
What do you want me to do? Just tell me. SB Stranger: Thought you did to. RL
Go away. That's what I want you to do. RL

(btw I know Remus is being uncharacteristically blabbery and dramatic and hurtful i just feel like he'd be in shock and not know what to do, you know? hearkbroken or whatever) Stranger: (*too) You: (omg no it's fine i love how you're playing him!) You: Thought of you as much more than that. I fucked up. SB
Alright. I'll leave. SB Stranger: [No Reply] You: [few hours later] Did you speak to Sirius? JP
Are you okay? Where are you? JP Stranger: [...] Yeah. RL You: How long ago? JP Stranger: Hours. RL You: [...] Ah. Alright. Um. JP
Me and Wormy were gonna come see you a little later. Is that okay? JP Stranger: Don't, actually. RL You: Why not? JP Stranger: Tired. Pomfrey's keeping me over night, I told her no visitors. So don't bother. RL You: Oh, alright. We have some things to do tonight, anyways. JP
Tomorrow morning? JP Stranger: [No Reply] You: Remus, we didn't do anything wrong. JP
I understand you're hurting but we care about you. JP Stranger: [Long Delay] Don't bring him with you. RL You: Wouldn't dream of it. JP
We don't know where he is, anyway. JP Stranger: What do you mean you don't know where he is? RL You: He hasn't been back to the dorms since last night. Missed all his classes today, too. JP Stranger: Find him. RL You: Moons, I'm not chasing after him. He's a big boy and he needs to think about what he's done. JP
Sick of cleaning up after him all the time. This isn't just a small mistake. He's messed up. JP Stranger: [...] James, I said some awful things. RL
Really awful. RL You: Sirius is as good as blood to me. But maybe he deserved it this time, Rem. JP Stranger: "I think you're a fucking Black. Mummy might even let you back in when she hears about this, hm?" RL
I- I don't- RL
It just- I- James. Please find him? RL
I've never said anything like that to him. Not ever. RL You: [...] Right. Yeah. We'll go look for him. JP
Try not to worry yourself. You need to rest. JP
He'll know you don't mean it. He'll be fine. JP Stranger: I didn't mean it. I didn't, not- Not that bit, I just- RL
He broke my fucking heart, James. RL
I know you don't care. I just- I don't know what to do. RL You: Don't care? Of course I care. You three are like family to me. JP
It's no excuse, but Pads is a big fucking child. And he just went too far this time. It wasn't malicious. JP
We're heading out now. We've got the invisibility cloak, so we can stay out pretty late. Try and get some sleep. JP Stranger: Right. Yeah. Sleep. RL You: [hours later] We can't find him. JP
He's smart. Most likely, he's turned into Padsfoot. I bet he comes back to the dorms over night. JP Stranger: What if he doesn't? RL
James, what if he /doesn't/? RL You: Then we find him tomorrow. JP
Where could he possibly have gone? JP You: I'm guessing you've never argued like that before. And I sure as hell have never yelled at him like that. He's probably off licking his wounds. JP Stranger: [...] I hate this. RL Stranger: Why did he have to /do/ this? RL You: I don't know, Rem. He's never pulled a stunt like this. JP
We've tried messaging him but he just leaves us on read. At least you know he's safe enough to read messages. JP Stranger: Yeah. At least. RL You: How are you feeling? Physically. LT You: JP* Stranger: Dunno if I've ever been this sore after. RL
I'll be fine. RL You: We'll be up to see you in the morning, okay? We have a free period after Potions. JP Stranger: [...] Will you bring chocolate? RL You: We already swiped a bunch from Honeydukes. JP Stranger: 'Course you did. RL You: Believe it or not, we all have your back. JP
No matter what. JP Stranger: [...] Dunno if I do, if I'm being honest. RL You: Yeah, I know that. JP You: Knew it before this happened. JP Stranger: Hah. Ouch. I'm that transparent, am I? RL You: Unfortunately so. Ha. JP
Nah. Could just tell you were waiting for something to go wrong. For us to 'see you as the monster you are', I assume. JP
Sirius just fucked it up. JP Stranger: Or that just finally happened. RL You: We'd never see you as a monster, Rem. You line your quills up in descending thickness. JP
[...] Minnie just paid us a visit. JP Stranger: It's /logical/ for note taki- You know what? Piss off. RL
[...] Oh. Shit. RL You: It seems Sirius has decided to go home a week before Christmas break. JP
Home home. JP Stranger: No. RL
/No/, he can't fucking- Fuck. RL
That fucking selfish, pompous, arsehol- Fuck, James, what do I do? RL You: Yeah. JP
Minnie saw us earlier when we were looking for him and asked around. Apparently the barmaid at The Three Broomsticks spotted a black, large dog wandering through Hogsmeade. Mcgonagall contacted The Blacks after calling my folks. He's back there. JP
Can't fucking believe he went back there. He knows he could've gone to mine. Fuck sake, Sirius. JP Stranger: We've got to go. RL
We have to /go/. Get him back. RL
We have to go get him, James, before she hurts him or he hurts himself or one of the other hurt him, or kill him, or he never comes back to school and we never see him again. We have to go right /now/. RL You: Calm down. JP
We can't just leave. Mcgonagall would notice. Plus, you're still all broken up. JP
I'm going to keep trying to message him. He's gotta answer me eventually. JP Stranger: He'll answer me. RL
He'll answer me, right? RL
No he won't. Not after the horrible shit I said to him. RL You: Probably more likely to answer you. JP
We had a pretty heated argument too. You might as well try. JP Stranger: [To: Sirius] Sirius. Answer me. RL You: [immediate response] Are you okay? SB Stranger: No. RL
Come back. RL
Come back to hogwards or I swear to Merlin I will come to you. RL
I've got three broken ribs and haven't flown a broomstick since third year but I will. I'll to it. RL
Sirius, please come back. RL Stranger: (*Hogwarts) You: [...] Can't do that. Not yet. SB
I'll be back after Christmas. SB Stranger: Bullocks you can't. You left, you can come back. RL You: You said you wanted me to leave you alone. SB
This means you don't have to see me for a while. You have time to calm down over Christmas. SB
They're letting you stay, right? You're not going to lose your place at Hogwarts? SB Stranger: I need you to come back. RL You: Remus, you're not losing your place, right? SB Stranger: I'll answer that in /person/. RL You: I'll just ask James. SB
Oh. Wait, James hates me, right now. SB
Peter. Peter will tell me. SB Stranger: James doesn't hate you. RL
Sirius, please. You're bloody scaring me. RL
I- What I said. I didn't- I didn't mean- RL
[...] Siri, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I said about you. Your Mum, and your family, and- And I'm sorry, alright? RL You: Don't apologise. SB
You have nothing to be sorry for. This is my fault. And don't be scared, alright? SB
Just wanted to give you some room and I didn't know if I'd be welcomed at the Potters. I'll be back after Christmas. SB
You just get fixed, okay? I'm sorry. SB Stranger: I'm not letting you stay there. RL You: It's only three weeks. SB Stranger: You were /never/ supposed to go back. A day is too long, an /hour/ is too long. RL You: Believe me, I know. Grovelling to my mother was not something I had pleasure in doing. SB
But I wanted you to feel comfortable as school. To forgive the others. Couldn't do that with me there. sb You: at* Stranger: Stop it. RL
Sirius, stop. You shouldn't have done this. RL
This is too much. I can't breathe. RL
If you love me, you'll come back. RL You: Hey. That's not fair. SB You: Can't come back now. Had to tell my mother a load of bullshit to get her to let me stay. One of which being school had removed me for my own protection, or whatever. SB
Not that she gives a shit. SB
Me telling her that I've abandoned the Potters and broken up with you, now that won her round. SB Stranger: Sirius... RL You: Three weeks. SB
Get yourself fixed. Don't take it out on James and Pete. SB Stranger: I'm so /mad/ at you. Why did you do this? Why? Why couldn't you just go mope by the lake or- or sneak in here with the cloak and piss me off? RL
Sirius, what you did was horrible. It was /horrible/ and I've never felt so utterly gutted, like you went and kicked my insides about, I- but- RL
But I can't leave you there. I won't. And if you won't find some way out, James Pete and I will find a way in. We will. RL You: Thought you'd want me to leave. I tried speaking to James but he wouldn't talk to me. Just. SB
I'd fucked everything up and I ruined our relationship and I wanted to give you space. When you were saying that shit about how this has changed the way you feel about all of us, it just. When you told us about the werewolf thing, we said we'd protect you. Dunno. Didn't want to be under all your feet. SB
Trust me, you guys are in a lot more danger here than I am. Leave it, okay? At least this way I might get to see Reg for a while. SB
Is James still angry? SB Stranger: Has she hurt you? RL You: You can't just ignore everything I said, Rem. SB Stranger: Answer me. RL You: No, she hasn't hurt me. SB
Just ridiculously smug. SB Stranger: Promise me you aren't lying. RL You: Promise. SB Stranger: [...] He's still angry, yeah. RL You: Damn it. SB You: Didn't think everyone would be so angry. Didn't think at all, obviously. SB
Hate it when people are mad at me. SB You: Think James will forgive me? SB Stranger: I know. RL
Of course he will, are you kidding? RL You: You didn't see him. SB
Never seen him so angry. SB Stranger: [...] He was really that bad off? RL You: Honestly. SB
Thought he was gonna take a swing for me a couple of times. SB
He didn't, obviously. SB You: Do you think you'll ever forgive me? SB Stranger: [...] I'm not going to answer that. RL You: [...] That's fair. SB Stranger: I really wish you hadn't left, Sirius. RL You: Sorry. SB You: Really sorry. SB Stranger: Did you at least tell James the right chocolate to get from honeydukes? RL You: Who do you think left it on his bed? SB Stranger: [...] Thanks. RL You: Least I can do. SB Stranger: Yeah. RL
Uh. RL
I should. Uh. RL You: I love you. SB
Realised I'd never actually said it when we were together, so. Uh. No time like the present. SB Stranger: [No Reply] You: [To James] Sorry for the scare. I'm okay. And sorry. SB
Look after Remus. Don't let Snape give him shit. SB Stranger: Oi, what the fuck is- /Ugh/. JP
[...] You're okay. RL Stranger: (*JP) You: I'm okay. SB
And sorry. SB Stranger: Got that. Ignoring it the second time as much as the first time, mate. JP You: Right. Well. Okay. SB You: Didn't mean to hurt him, James. SB Stranger: Who? Snape, or Remus? JP You: Remus. SB You: Or Snape. Didn't want the bastard dead. SB You: I'm not like that. I'm not - I'm not my family. SB Stranger: Hey, whoa. I know. JP
Padfoot, I know you're not. Rem too. JP
He didn't mean that shite he said, alright? You just hurt him. JP You: Have you told your mum? SB
Oh, Merlin. Please tell me you haven't told Mrs Potter. SB Stranger: Merlin, I didn't /tell/ on you. JP
Besides, you know she doesn't know about Rem. How would I tell this story, exactly? Hm? JP You: Alright, alright. Smart mouth. SB
He broke up with me. SB Stranger: He- Wait, what? JP You: Remus. Broke up with me. SB Stranger: Shit. JP You: Probably wasn't the best time to tell him I love him for the first time, either. SB
What am I gonna do, Prongs? SB Stranger: You told him you loved him. In the middle of all this. JP
[...] This is going to be alright. JP
Marauders forever. That wasn't a bloody joke. JP
And I'm not losing either of you tossers. JP You: Well, I do love him. Thought he oughta know before he banishes me from his life. SB
Worried you weren't gonna forgive me. SB
Don't wanna lose either of you either. Or Pete. SB Stranger: Mate. You alright? JP
I mean- I know you're not /alright/ but you sound... Not good. JP
I don't like you being there, Pads. I might even be more angry about that. JP You: This place just brings back shitty memories. SB
Stop being angry at me. I'm wallowing in self-pity because I'm a shitty person who makes terrible life decisions. SB Stranger: I could hear the pout in that. JP You: I'm not allowed to be self-pitying when I'm talking to Rem. You're used to it. SB Stranger: Oi, I suffered too. I had a fist full of that slimy git's hair. I don't think I'll ever recover. JP Stranger: You know he tried to hex me after I saved his arse? Unbelievable. JP You: Honestly, my deepest apologies to you. Not even the strongest fire hex will burn that grease from your hands. SB
Fucked up, James. Bad this time. Think you can get me out of it this time? SB Stranger: [...] I dunno, mate. JP
I even tried to get in to see him tonight. Wouldn't have it. Gave me some shite about being tired. JP
Well. I s'pose that's probably true. But still. JP
He's always tired. JP You: Tired is just part of his personality. SB
Should've seen my mother's face when I got here. Hate this so much. SB
WHY AM I SO STUPID? SB You: Wallow with me, Jamesy. SB Stranger: But I agree with you. JP
And /I'm/ not stupid this time. JP You: Remus can't hate me forever. He /can't./ SB Stranger: That's actually probably true. JP
For a werewolf he's a bloody softie. No way in hell he'll keep this up. JP
[...] Probably. JP You: Ugh, you just had to go and add the probably. SB
He still hasn't answered my declaration of love. SB
This is embarrassing. SB Stranger: He probably thinks- JP
Fell asleep. Definitely asleep. JP You: Probably thinks what? SB Stranger: [...] Look, it's just- If it were me it might feel like you were saying it to be desperate. To manipulate him, or whatever. JP You: Why are relationships so difficult? SB
I /love/ him. SB Stranger: I know you do, mate. JP
Trust me, I know. Probably longer than you have. JP You: Had to tell Walburga we'd broken up. No way she'd let me stay here if not. SB
How do I make him believe it? SB Stranger: Look. Stop. JP
Stop thinking about this. Okay? JP
You left. When you're not here, there isn't much you can do. JP
I'm going to do what I can in the morning. Okay? JP You: Don't let fucking Snivellus say shit to him. SB Stranger: As if I can help that. They're up in the hospital wing together all night because he's being a dramatic tit. JP You: What the hell? I hate that. Do not like that one bit. SB Stranger: Trust me, neither do I. JP
Pomfrey will cut him up into bits if he gets out of bed, though. JP You: Kidnap him. Protect him. Guard him with your life. SB Stranger: He's like 9 feet tall and has three broken ribs right now. No thanks. JP You: You're a terrible friend, James. Awful. SB Stranger: Do you want to go there? /Do/ you? JP You: Stopppppppp. SB Stranger: S'what I thought. JP
[...] Love you. JP You: Love you, too, man. SB
Let me know how it goes tomorrow. Wish me luck with Kreacher. SB Stranger: Ugh. That thing's a menace. JP
[...] Good luck. I'll chat with you tomorrow, yeah? JP
Keep your stupid head low. I mean it. JP You: I'll stay out of her way. SB
Talk tomorrow. SB Stranger: [No Reply]

[Around 3 am] I love you too. RL You: Meant it. Wasn't saying it for manipulation or whatever. SB Stranger: You should be sleeping. RL You: So should you. SB Stranger: Mm. Touche. RL You: Feeling any better? SB Stranger: No. RL You: If it makes you feel any better, I don't have a mattress in my room so I'm literally sleeping on the floor. SB You: I mean, my family is crazy rich. You'd think they could afford a mattress. SB Stranger: [...] That really, /really/ doesn't make me feel better. RL You: I look pretty funny, though. SB
Sorry. I'm awful at this cheering up game. SB Stranger: Hah, yeah. Always have been. RL
[...] Look, Sirius, I- RL
I don't think I can do this. Without you. RL You: What do you mean? SB Stranger: What did I just text you at three in the morning, Sirius? RL You: You love me. SB
You wanna get back together? Does it even really count as a break up? SB Stranger: I just. RL
[...] I miss you. I haven't not had you the day after a moon in years. RL You: For as long as you want me, I'll be there. Fixing bones and shit. Like a magician. SB
Ha. SB
I really do love you. And I really am sorry. Truly. SB Stranger: I know Sirius. RL
And. And what I said, really, I- RL
I feel ill over it. Every time I think about it. RL You: Don't sweat it. SB
You were angry. And it was kinda true. That was a very Black thing of me to do. SB You: And mummy did let me back in. Ha. SB Stranger: /Ugh/. RL You: Always right about everything. SB Stranger: I really didn't intend for you to try it. RL You: You know me and my crazy ideas. SB You: You know me and my crazy ideas. SB Stranger: You've had a few shit ones the past few days. RL You: You were my best idea. <3 SB Stranger: Mm. Better. RL Stranger: Though technically it was my idea. RL You: I loved you for longer. SB Stranger: S'just because you're a romantic. RL You: Ugh. I am not. I'm punk rock. SB Stranger: They're always the soppiest. RL
I remember when I snogged Gideon. Always wore those leather trousers. Good times. RL You: Gideon's a jerk. SB Stranger: I know. I just like reminding you I had a type before you turned up. ;) RL You: Is this your idea of a punishment? SB
Because it's working. SB Stranger: He was so tall. RL You: Tall is dumb. SB Stranger: Oh??? RL You: Tall is adorable on you. Tall is dumb on Gideon. SB You: Am I winning you back over yet? SB Stranger: Could keep going for a bit. RL You: ((hey, sorry i have to go! it's like 3am here but this has been so fun thanks so much!)) You have disconnected.

Wolfstar #1

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi! You both like marauders rp, wolfstar, and wolfstar rp. Stranger: [Marauders Band/Muggle AU. James is the lead vocalist, Sirius plays guitar/sings occasionally, and Peter is on drums. Remus also happens to also be a very talented guitarist and plays the piano/keyboard as well, but he’s not in the band and doesn’t know them. Sirius recently broke his wrist in a motorbike accident and this is Remus responding to a flyer asking for a stand in guitarist. The band (The Marauders) are relatively famous locally and on campus. Please respond as Sirius! I’d love a bitter, mopy Sirius at first who doesn’t want to be replaced so he’s a bit cold to begin with. Also, TW: Illness/disability. I’m only not including the exact specifications in the prompt as not to influence the way you play Sirius but if that’s too obnoxious for you, just ask :)]

Er, hi. My name’s Remus Lupin. Is this Sirius Black, the most massive git of all time? RL
Not my words, by the way. I don’t think your fellow band mates are thrilled you “broke your stupid wrist being stupid.” RL You: Thought you were asking for a fight then, mate. SB
Yeah. This is Sirius. Any particular reason you're texting? SB Stranger: Well. They flyers. RL
... Fuck. Um. RL
Never mind, yeah? Thought you knew about them. Forget I texted. RL You: Spit it out. Flyers? SB Stranger: Yeah. RL
Er, hold on. RL
[img. attached of a flyer stapled to a bulliten board, big bold letter spelling out "SIRIUS BLACK, THE MOST MASSIVE GIT OF ALL TIME, BROKE HIS STUPID WRIST BEING STUPID. WE NEED A REPLACEMENT FOR HIS DUMB ARSE.] RL
Not /permanent/, of course. Apparently they scrawled that onto the bottom. I jnow you can't see it in the photo, but Alice swears it's there. RL You: What the fuck? Those fuckers. SB
They can't just /replace/ me. And for the record, it wasn't doing something stupid. I was on my skateboard. SB
Granted, I was drunk, but that's not the point. SB
I'm actually going to murder James Potter with my bare hands. SB Stranger: Shit. This was a bad idea. RL
Well. That does sound a bit stupid. RL
...Please don't do that. RL You: So what? You're texting cos you want my place in the band, basically? SB Stranger: Not permanently. Really. And it wasn't my idea. RL You: Yeah, well. My mates are giant dickheads. SB Stranger: Flyer said you've got loads of major gigs coming up. Wouldn't fly to go on stage without a guitarist. RL You: A lot of major gigs that I got for us. Bloody walked around at all hours of the morning asking every place in town. SB
James Potter is a dead man walking. SB Stranger: Okay, okay, /or/. RL
Or you could spare him? Maybe? RL
Bloody hell, Alice owes me. RL You: I've already killed him. SB
Well, I threw my pillow at him, which I think is the same thing. SB
He says I have to stop being a jerk to you, so. Sorry. SB Stranger: Oh. RL
Thanks, James Potter. RL You: So. What did you text for then? You wanna come audition? SB Stranger: I do, yeah. RL You: Our dorms in the west build. Room 209. SB You: Meet us there and we'll take you to where we practice. SB Stranger: Wait. RL
I have a video. A few videos. D'you want them? RL You: Yeah, whatever. SB
Easier than audition, I guess. SB Stranger: Please, try to contain your excitement. RL You: Really trying not to be an asshole here. SB
You're making it difficult. SB Stranger: Hah. You're funny. RL
I tend to do that to people. RL You: If you're so good at playing guitar, how come you don't already have a band, or whatever. SB
Why are you just stealing - Oh, I'm sorry. 'Temporarily standing in' for others. SB Stranger: Not really my thing. i was peer pressured into texting you. RL
Actually, it was supposed to be calling. Whoops. RL You: Not your thing? Wow, you sound really enthusiastic about this band thing. SB Stranger: I just mean... historically. Maybe it will be my thing. Playing in a band. RL
Not yours. That's not what I meant. RL
I'm not stealing your band, alright? R You: I'm being an asshole again. SB
James threatened to take my phone away. SB
Wanna send those videos? SB Stranger: [Media attached: Remus sitting cross legged on his bed in a pair of flannel pyjamas and an argyle jumper that doesn’t match at all, playing Stairway to Heaven with a bit of added personal flair here and there.]
[Media attached: Remus in an empty band room, a girl’s voice saying “alright, go” before he starts doing some freestyle strumming on an electric guitar which was plugged into an amp. After a thumbs up up from the girl he smiles and continues on to flawlessly play the intro to Thunderstruck by AC/DC] RL
[Media attached, Remus in bed again, looking a bit more worn out and peakish. He clears his throat a few times into his hand, then grabs the same acoustic guitar from before and begins strumming an original acoustic song, a softly sung four line chorus in the middle. Idk I just have a lot of feelings about Remus playing guitar so let’s just say he’s really precious and good and talented] RL You: God damn it. SB You: GOD DAMN IT. SB Stranger: I have no idea what to make of that. RL You: Wanted you to suck. I wanted you to suck so bad. SB
But you're good. And you're cute as well. SB
And James has already said yes. This sucks. SB Stranger: Wait, really? He said yes? RL
I mean- Sorry. RL
And also thank you. RL
... Sorry. RL You: He said yes. Practices are Tuesdays and Thursdays, 6 till 9. SB Stranger: /9/? At night? RL You: Yes, at night. SB
Is that going to be a problem? SB Stranger: ... Nope. RL You: You sure? SB Stranger: Positive. It'll be fine. RL You: Then consider yourself a part of the band. James and Peter offer you a warm welcome. Mine is just lukewarm. SB
Wanna be added to the group chat? SB Stranger: Wait. Hold on. RL
You think I'm cute? RL
I argue that's at least /regular/ warm. RL You: Excuse you. I'm capable of finding people cute and also hating their guts for stealing my band. SB Stranger: Borrowing. RL You: >:( SB
That's an angry frowny face. SB Stranger: Thanks, that captioning was really needed. RL You: >:'( SB
That's an angry frowny face with a tear. SB Stranger: I like a man who's not afraid to cry. RL You: Well then, consider me a sobbing mess. SB
James doesn't like me flirting with you or being an ass to you. SB
Can never win with this dude. SB
You good for practice tomorrow? SB Stranger: Damn, just when it was getting fun. RL
[...] Do you have any videos of you preforming a set list? RL
I have your album and EP. Off iTunes. RL
But. Do you? Have any videos? RL You: Uh, yeah. On my laptop. SB
Give me a second to transfer them over to my phone and I'll send them. SB
Got a couple from the old setlist and our new one. I'll send them both cos James will most likely make you learn both, incase he decides to switch up songs. SB
Which he does quite a lot, so. Warning. SB Stranger: Right. Good. That's fine. RL
Thanks. RL
For the warning. RL You: [img.attached: Sirius in the practice band room, his hair tied up into a bun and their band shirt on, playing one of the softer songs from their setlist.] 
[img.attached: Little older video of an old song. Sirius' hairs down, a little shorter than it is now and James is drunkenly swaying in the background, shouting out slurred lyrics.]
[img.attached: Starts with Sirius shouting 'shut the fuck up, Peter' before grabbing an acoustic guitar and beginning to play. James' fingers are covering a little of the camera, but it's still decent quality. Sirius is in a dressing gown, sprawled across his bed.] Stranger: Oh. RL
Wow. RL You: What was it you said earlier? SB
'I have no idea what to make of that.' SB Stranger: [...] You're very good looking. RL
Both of you. RL
Like. /Annoyingly/ good looking. RL You: Yeah. I have that effect on people. SB
Quoting you again. Ha. SB
I'm better looking though, right? SB Stranger: Will I go from from lukewarm to steamy if I say yes? RL You: Boiling. SB Stranger: You're hot as fuck, then. RL You: Welcome to the band. SB
What's your name again? SB
Hold up. Let me scroll. SB
Remus Lupin. SB Stranger: Ouch. You could've just scrolled and not wounded me like that. Dick. RL You: Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen. SB You: To be fair, I was super pissed at you when you first text. So I just discarded your name. SB Stranger: The blows just keep coming. RL You: Well, I do apologise. SB
Wanna be added to the group chat? SB Stranger: Oh, yeah. Sorry. Sure, do that. RL You: [padfoot added remus lupin to the chat]
Hey, guys. This is the new guitarist. TEMPORARY guitarist. He's hot and finds me more attractive than James. SB
Say hello. SB
Damn it, Sirius. Are you flirting with him already? JP
Yes. SB Stranger: We already have a new guitarist? Why does nobody tell me anything? PP
Um. Hello. RL
And here I was, thinking I was special. RL
(Also, James, sorry). RL You: Hey, don't worry, Peter. Nobody told me either. SB
>:( That's for you, James. SB
No worries, man. Sirius is just a bit of a child sometimes. JP Stranger: Did he tell you that that's a angry frowny face? I never knew. RL
Well I knew we were replacing you, not that we already had. PP
Welcome, Remus. By the way. PP
You're really not helping me not to get murdered here, PP. RL You: Oh, here we go. JP
I AM NOT BEING REPLACED, PETER. YOU STUPID RIDICULOUS MANCHILD. SB
HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT? REPLACING ME? GOOD BLOODY LUCK, MATE. SB
Are you done? JP Stranger: You see what you do, Peter? RL
I hate him already. He's too much like you. PP You: Sirius, I can hear you pacing next door. Sit down. We're not replacing you. JP
Stop eavesdropping, you creep. SB
You can't hate him, Peter. He's cute. Look. SB You: [forwarded video of remus playing acoustic guitar] Stranger: Oi, if you're going to objectify me at least do it in a chat I'm /not/ a part of. RL
Wow, /that's/ him? PP
Pleas don't shag him on my drum set. I still don't even understand how that was comfortable the first time. PP Stranger: Should I /go/? RL You: Stop making him feel uncomfortable, you guys. JP
So sorry, Remus. Are you sure this is the band you wanna get yourself into? JP
A drum set isn't the most uncomfortable place, surprisingly. SB Stranger: [...] Pretty sure, yeah. RL
He hesitated. PP
Shut up, PP. RL You: Listen, man. I was just joking around. Didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. SB
I'll stop. SB
Damn right you will. JP
You're not my mother, James Potter. SB Stranger: Oh, I'm not uncomfortable. Feel free to continue flirting. RL
Ugh, here we go. RL
Whoops. RL You: WELL, SINCE YOU ASKED - SB
I'm going to assume that the loud crash I just heard was James running into Sirius' room and tackling his phone from his hands. PP Stranger: No mercy even for the bloke with the broken wrist, huh? RL
Are out lot always like this? RL You: JAMES POTTER IS AN ANIMAL. LET ME BE THE FIRST TO SAY IT. WHAT KIND OF BARBARIC FOOL JUMPS ON A GUY WITH A BROKEN WRIST, SPECIFICALLY AIMING FOR THE HAND REGION? SB
I am disgusted at his behaviour. SB
Yes, always. JP
And I stand by my actions. JP Stranger: I'm going to announce I'm officially on the bloke's side who was trying to flirt with me. RL
Sorry, James. Gotta do whatcha gotta do. RL You: Ha. The new guitarist likes me more. :P SB
That's me sticking my tongue out at you, Jamesy boy. SB Stranger: Is nobody going to tell him? RL You: Tell me what? SB Stranger: How unnecessary it is to caption emojis. RL
Don't get me wrong, it's endearing. Just. RL
Do you really do it every time? When you say shit like "And then what? ;)" "That was a winky face, btw." RL You: James. The new guy is bullying me. SB
Hurting my feelings. SB
Breaking my heart. SB Stranger: Oh my god you totally do. RL
Yeah, Sirius. You should break bones more often, this is great. RL
You all /want/ him to hate me. RL Stranger: (*JP on that second one, sorry) You: (no need to apologise!) You: You're awful. All of you. SB
One broken bone and you all turn on me. SB
You actually broke three bones in your wrist and tore a ligament. PP
Wow, thank you, Peter. SB Stranger: Wormy has a point. JP
I'm sorry, did you just say wormy? RL
D'you reckon Remus here will wear your leather pants? JP
Um, hello, no. I'm right here, and no. RL
Though, I am curious about the leather pants. RL You: Yes, Wormy. We all have nicknames with adorably endearing back stories. Mines padfoot, James' is Prongs and Peter's is Wormy. SB
I don't think Remus ever wears anything unless it's 100% cotton. SB
I rock leather pants. SB Stranger: I'm more alarmed than endeared by those nicknames. RL
Oi, you don't know me. RL
Wool is also a favorite of mine. RL You: I'm a brilliant judge of character. SB Stranger: Denim. RL
I swear denim. Denim isn't soft. RL You: I bet it's soft denim. SB
Yes, Sirius. I'm sure that's a thing. JP
It's late, everyone. PP
Thank you for that wonderful observation, Peter. SB
Stop being an ass to Peter, Pads. JP Stranger: I'm observing that James is the band dad. RL
Also would like to note that I'm with.... Wormy? On this one? RL
That felt weird. RL You: James is the band mum. There's a difference. SB
Already taking sides against me. SB Stranger: Someone has to. RL You: Ooooooh. JP
Ooooooh. PP 
And what is that supposed to mean? SB Stranger: Wait. Shit, no, don't oooh. Why do you all want me dead? RL
Er, well. Maybe just bringing you down a few pegs, is what I mean. RL You: Oooooooooooooooh. JP
Oooooooooooooooooooh. PP
Bringing me down - Excuse you. SB Stranger: I just think humble might look cute on you, Padfoot. RL
Anyway. Think this might be a brilliant time for me to sign off, hm? RL
Tomorrow. 6-9, west building, room 209. RL You: Good save. SB
Really hope Pads told you that and you aren't just some creepy stalker. JP Stranger: ;) RL
That's a winky face, btw. RL You: I hate you. SB
I think I love you. JP Stranger: This has been a rollercoaster. RL Stranger: PP? Any emotions about me to contribute? RL You: I'm uncomfortable with expressing my feelings. PP
Wow, Peter. Wow. SB Stranger: At least he's honest. RL You: What are you getting yourself into, Remus? JP
We're already trapped with him. JP Stranger: I'm sure he'll behave. RL
Goodnight, you lot. Try not to murder each other? I think I'd rather like to actually meet you. RL You: Tomorrow, it is, Rem. Be there or be square. SB Stranger: Mm, might be a bit of both. I find being square is more of a personality trait for me. RL You: Goodnight, my companions. SB
Night kids. JP
Night!! PP Stranger: Night, Marauders. RL

[Several hours later, around 3 am. Sent just to Sirius] Any chance you're awake? RL You: Rock and roll never sleeps. SB Stranger: You really are always like that. Bloody hell. RL You: Is everything alright? SB Stranger: Yeah. RL
No. RL
I mean, yeah. RL You: What is it? SB Stranger: [...] I haven't been completely honest with you. RL You: Oh, God. SB
Have we been catfished? SB Stranger: Hah, yeah, I got those videos of some kid off a blog. I'm actually a middle aged woman with a rockstar fetish. RL
And leather. Mmmm. RL
My name is Martha. RL You: Well, lovely to meet you Martha. SB
I have some leather with your name on it. SB Stranger: [...] Weird request, but maybe you cut put Remus on it instead? I've grown attached to the name.It'll be hotter that way. RL You: Hm, that is weird. But I'll do it just for you. SB
We keep getting distracted. SB
What is it you've gotta tell me? SB Stranger: Right. RL
Um. RL
[Long Delay] I'm deaf. RL You: Is that it? SB
Does it affect how you play? Judging by your videos, not. SB Stranger: I- Uh, no. Not how I play. RL
Just how I learn. RL
I'm sorry, did you just say is that it? RL You: Sorry, is that rude? SB Stranger: No. RL
Just anti climatic. Been lying in bed for hours asking myself why I was stupid enough to listen to Alice. RL
But it's okay. Really? RL
Because I get it. If it's not. RL You: Remus, of course it's okay. SB
We're not gonna kick you out of the band just because you can't hear. SB
Honestly, the amount of shit I talk, that's probably for the best. SB Stranger: Hah, I read lips. Really well. I probably hear more that way than you do with your ears. RL
It's different. I lost my hearing, few years ago. So. I wasn't born without it, I heard before. RL
Learned to play with hearing. I'm not that impressive. RL You: Yeah, but you can learn new songs without even hearing them. SB
That's badass. SB Stranger: It's taken five years. Nearly six. RL
Still getting used to it, believe it or not. RL
But I try not to make it noticeable. There will be things, though. RL You: We can handle it. SB
Things like what? SB Stranger: Like I'm clumsy. And I don't notice how loud being clumsy is, anymore. Alice hates that. RL
Also, when I learn the songs- I'll just need to be somewhere I can watch. For the first few times. Time the vibrations with the words and all that. RL Stranger: Youtube has been a blessing with singing bits. RL You: You don't know clumsy until you have met Peter Pettigrew. We are up to date with clumsy friends. SB
The singing thing is cool. We always practice new songs together anyway, so not a problem. SB
Don't sweat it, mate. Okay? SB Stranger: [...] Thanks. RL
Even if now I owe Alice dinner. I reckoned you'd sack me. RL You: We're not assholes, no matter how my first impression may have seemed. SB Stranger: Wouldn't have made you an asshole. Deaf musician. I'm no Beethoven. RL
Though you were sort of one anyway, weren't you? RL You: You're a great guitarist, man. That's all that matters. SB
It's part of my crazy sex appeal. SB Stranger: Mm. It was nice, actually. RL
Nobody's ever an asshole to the deaf, ill kid. RL You: That's what I'm here for. SB
You're ill? SB Stranger: Don't worry, it won't be a problem. RL You: Wasn't asking for that reason, asshole. SB
Just being a good friend. SB Stranger: Oh. RL
Well, in that case, yep. Almost constantly. RL You: How come? SB Stranger: [...] Wait. First, promise me you'll keep being an asshole to me? RL You: Kinky. Promise. SB Stranger: ;) RL
Winky face. Btw. RL You: Hate you. SB Stranger: :* RL
Know that one? RL You: I know all the emojis. SB
I'm the emoji king. SB Stranger: But you still explain them. RL You: I'm a considerate emoji king. SB
Come on, sick boy. What's your illness? SB Stranger: [...] I've got COPD. Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. It's a lung disrder. Cystic fibrosis is it's famous sister, you've probably heart of her. RL Stranger: (*heard) You: Oh, yeah. Cystic fibrosis. Love her stuff. SB
Is it serious? You're not gonna die before the end of our mini tour right? SB Stranger: Just keep your cigarettes away from me, punk boy. RL You: Excuse you. I would not poison my lungs with the devil's toxins. SB Stranger: No? You don't smoke? RL You: Nah, not anymore. Not really, anyway. SB
Socially. SB Stranger: Think you might've been made for me, Sirius black. Asshole rockstar in tight leather who /doesn't/ smoke. RL
I'd accuse you of being part of the make a wish foundation, but I don't have cancer so I don't get one of those. RL You: That sucks. I'm going to compose a very angry letter to the make a wish foundation. SB Stranger: Use lots of emojis, your majesty. RL You: >:( SB Stranger: What's that one again? I forgot. RL
Sure would be nice if someone could explain it to me. RL You: You're making fun of me. SB Stranger: In a fond way. RL Stranger: But it was starting to grow on me, I admit. RL You: That's an angry frowny face. SB Stranger: Mm, thanks. RL
Really should sleep. Alice will kill me for being tired on a walk tomorrow. RL You: On a walk? SB
You go for walks. That is honestly the most adorable thing I have ever heard. SB Stranger: What? Walking isn't adorable. You walk. People walk. RL
Not all people. Lucky people. RL
Though I a prick and I don't /feel/ lucky. These are torture walks. RL You: Difference between walking and going for a walk. SB Stranger: [...] I like the pigeons. We bring seeds for them, alright? RL
I feel horrible guilty when I miss it, now. RL You: YOU'RE SO CUTE. SB You: How are you going to play in a band? You should be a tv presenter on a kids show. SB Stranger: Oi, I can make pigeons happy and still blow you away with a Stones cover any day. RL You: Thought you were gonna leave it at still blow you. SB Stranger: Smooth. RL You: Super smooth. SB
Are you sleeping? Don't forget about the pigeons. SB Stranger: M'currently asleep. M'just that good. RL You: Pointing out incorrect uses of past and present tense. Very rock and roll. SB
Sleep, dear child. SB Stranger: The rockiest and the rolliest. RL
Can't wait to meet you. RL You: That's adorable. SB
I'll try not to disappoint. SB Stranger: You won't. RL You: True. I won't. SB Stranger: Cocky. RL You: You like it. I'm gonna take your breath away. SB
Ha. SB Stranger: Shh. Don't do that. RL You: Do what? SB Stranger: Be all sext like that. Not fair. RL You: That's just me as a person, I'm afraid. SB Stranger: I'm definitely afraid. RL You: As much as it pains me to admit it, I need to sleep. SB Stranger: M'already asleep. RL You: I wish I was as talented as you. SB Stranger: Dream on, punk boy. RL You: I would if you'd let me go to bloody sleep. SB Stranger: M'not holding you hostage. Be gone. RL You: No, but you're nice to talk to. SB Stranger: Oh! RL
Just rmemebered. We've got to prank them. RL You: What did you just say? SB
Prank? PRANK? SB
YOU WANT TO PRANK. SB You: I think I'm in love with you. SB Stranger: Not going to think too mugh about that because it makes my heart do things. RL
Yes, though. Prank. It'd be a wasted opportunity. RL
Don't tell them. Peter and James. RL
It wasn't obvious, right? In the videos? They don't know? RL You: No, no. None of us had any idea. What are you thinking? SB Stranger: Well, I want to see how long I can go without them getting something's off, but I'll need your help. RL
Y'know. Smooth over awkward moments. Sprinkle in a bit of tasteful comments that'll piss James off and make him think he's missing something. RL
He seems like he'd do that a lot. RL You: Where have you been all my life? SB Stranger: And after I play a set flawlessly, because I will, I'll just start ignoring him and it'll freak him out. RL
Preferable he'll say something like "Are you deaf?":I've always wanted someone to ask so I can say yes. RL
Hospitals, mostly. RL You: (It's like 3am here but I really wanted to get to paras so I could see this happen UGH. Do you have an email we could continue over? If not, that's totally cool!) Stranger: (I do, if you'd just wanna reply there! [email protected]) You: (Of course! I'll do it now and then reply in the morning if that's okay?) Stranger: (totally fine <3 thanks for being awesome!) You: (you too!) You have disconnected.

Destiel #40

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi! You both like destiel. You: [Cheating AU. Cas knows that Dean is cheating. Dean knows that Cas knows. The cheating could be for any reason. It doesn’t have to be the classic Dean is a douchebag story] (2:03am) Will you lock the door next time you leave, please? You forgot to. CN Stranger: Yeah, sorry. DW
Did I wake you? DW You: No. I always wake up a couple minutes after you leave. Must be a thing. CN Stranger: Probably the door. It squeaks. DW You: Nah, I think it's probably because I'm not used to sleeping without you. CN
Are you going to be home late? Do you have a key? CN Stranger: I've got my keys. DW
Don't wait up, I'm gonna be late. DW You: Alright. CN
Be careful. CN Stranger: Sleep tight, handsome. DW You: [3:14 pm] Dean? When are you coming home? CN Stranger: [Delayed] Soon. DW
Everything okay? DW You: Yeah. You just usually don't stay out this late. CN Stranger: I'll be back soon. DW You: [11:53 pm] I'm locking the door. You still have a key, right? CN Stranger: Yeah, I have my key. DW You: Are you going to be home tonight? CN Stranger: Yeah. DW You: Promise? CN Stranger: You okay? DW You: I just miss you. CN Stranger: I miss you too. DW You: Come home tonight, yeah? CN Stranger: Yeah, I'm gonna be home. DW You: [no reply] Stranger: Dean walked into his and Cas' bedroom, and by now it was starting to hit 3am. He wasn't sure if his partner was awake, all he could see from the door was a bundled up duvet hiding Cas' form, so he closed the door as quietly as he could to keep from waking up the other man. He hadn't imagined they would wind up in a situation like this. They'd been happy, they'd been real happy together. That went to shit a couple months ago, when they'd started fighting. Since then it'd been a whole lot of cold silences and avoiding each other. It's when he had first started seeing Lisa, to get away from it all. Cas was still patient with him though, and for the life of him Dean couldn't understand why. They weren't any good for each other, not this way. All he did now was hurt Cas, he could see it. He couldn't break it off though, he was too selfish for that. You: Cas had had to force himself to get to sleep, all his instincts telling him to wait until Dean came home. After sharing a bed with somebody for three years, nearly four, sleeping without him went against everything he knew. Even now he was in a fairly light sleep, wavering between actually being asleep and being awake. This situation was entirely Cas' fault. Or at least he'd made himself believe that. Most of the arguments were because Cas was tired from work, or because they never slept together anymore. Again, Cas was too tired. It's why he never reacted, or questioned Dean about it. There was no doubt in his mind that he was cheating; Dean didn't really do his best to cover it up. Maybe for the first couple of weeks, but then it seemed like he just couldn't be bothered anymore. As soon as Cas felt the dip in the bed, he subconsciously shuffled towards the other, resting his head on Dean's chest. Stranger: Dean glanced down at his partner, and then leaned back again, his focus turning to the ceiling. He couldn't see it very well, it was too dark to get a look at anything really. Part of Dean was glad for that, he wanted the room shrouded in darkness. For one thing, it would make this easier. It would make it easier if he didn't look at Cas' face, meet his eyes. A few short seconds transpassed, and then Dean's arm wrapped loosely around Cas' shoulders and his eyes closed. It was kind of weird if he was honest. He spent his evenings away from home, got back at ungodly hours, and still there Cas was. It was as though nothing had changed, that they were still 100% happy with each other's company. "I tried to be quiet. You're a light sleeper," he said, his voice apologetic and almost a whisper, as though this was their biggest concern right now. You: Cas shook his head. "I was waiting up for you." He whispered back, opening his eyes slowly. "It's fine." It wasn't fine. He wasn't deluded. It wasn't that he didn't understand how fucked up their relationship was, how toxic it was. Not even just for him, for the both of them. But he couldn't end it. Everything that Cas had done for the past handful of years had been built around Dean. Everything was manufactured to /work/ for them both. He didn't take that new job in New York, because Dean wanted to stay with his family. Just things like that. Of course, Cas had never realised that it would end up like this. He questioned whether he would've gone through with this all if he knew the outcome. Despite everything, it came down to the fact that Cas was just too stupidly, overwhelmingly in love with Dean. "Did you lock the door?" Stranger: Dean cracked open his eyes, then he frowned a bit as he tried to recall what he'd done after walking into the house. Eventually though, he nodded. "Locked the door, put the keys back on the hook," he said, getting comfortable. It was kinda screwed up, he thought, one of his biggest difficulties would have been getting up to go and lock that door. "You've been nagging me about it for years, but it never quite gets drilled in huh," he said, but there was no evidence of anything harsh in his tone, instead an underlying fondness. "Still, once every fortnight it comes to me," Dean said. Even now he couldn't find it in himself to be mad, to be as irritable as he had been with his partner a couple weeks ago. He didn't know about Cas, but he'd sure gotten sick of the fighting a long time ago. It was easier this way, if they just let things pass. Not healthy, but easy. You: "Good. Thanks." Cas simply nodded. This was what the conversation was like now. Neither of them had the energy to argue anymore, so it was just mumbled small talk and awkward silences. Still, it was easier to handle than all the fighting and screaming that had been 95% of their general communication a couple of weeks prior. Cas stretched slightly, his nose just brushing the underside of Dean's jaw. Perfume. Usually, Cas wouldn't sleep this close to Dean after a night out, for this very reason. He just missed him. Today had been a shitty day at work and he just wanted Dean to held him. So he sucked in a breath and blinked hard, quickly moving to wipe his cheek when a tear slipped. He tried to be as discreet as possible, clearing his throat. "Night." He said, voice tight. Stranger: Dean knew what was going on with Cas right now, and if the movement of his hand hadn't given him away, the sound of his voice would have for sure. Dean could hear the upset in his partner's tone, it was never difficult to pick it out. A little tremble of his voice usually, or the words would come out a pitch or two higher. It had an effect though, of course it did. Dean's own throat would close up stupidly tight, constrict when the guilt hit him. Guilt for knowing he was responsible. Maybe it would be better if he let this go, after all Cas didn't seem to want to bring it to light, but Dean knew he couldn't. He was a shitty excuse for a partner he knew that, but even he had a tipping point. "I'm sorry, for what it's worth," he said after minute of silence, "I don't wanna see you cry, baby. I'm sorry." You: Cas didn't want to bring it up, or hear Dean even begin to discuss it, because that would make it all real. Right now, he could almost wish that it was just his own over-active imagination and that Dean was just working extra hours, or spending more time with Sam. Cas knew that wasn't the case, but he could just pretend. As soon as either of them mentioned it and they had a real, grown up conversation about it, that was when it would all hit home. Cas wasn't ready for that yet. "No, yeah. I know you're sorry. I know." He did. He knew Dean wasn't doing this for vindictive reasons, he wasn't set out just to hurt Cas. That wasn't who he was. It was just a shitty situation. Stranger: Dean knew he had to be more careful, not come home with lipstick smeared onto his collar or the smell of perfume clinging onto him. The least he could do was come home clean, erase all traces of her. It seemed like it was too much effort though, and that it would be a tedious job anyway. Cas knew what was going on, it would be stupid of Dean to assume anything else. Still, it was become excessively apparent to him that maybe he should be taking better care of the situation, not bringing her home with him. Because although Cas already knew, seeing it play out in front of him, Dean imagined, had an effect of its own. 
"Goodnight, Cas," Dean replied eventually. He understood by his partner's short replied that maybe now wasn't the best time to talk. It was never a good time to talk, but he didn't let that keep him from shutting up. You: ((Timeskip?)) Stranger: ((Sure)) You: [6:22 pm] Will you be home for dinner? CN Stranger: Yeah, I'm gonna be around. DW You: You sure? I don't want to put your food on, and have you leave again. CN Stranger: gtg sorry this was fun <3 Stranger has disconnected.

Drarry #1

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi! You both like larry rp, larry, drarry, and drarry rp. Stranger: Everything about this situation just seemed bad. Harry had left his Invisibility cloak in the dormitory and he was currently Flooing back from winter break, quite late in the evening, and he had no bloody clue how he was going to make it past the common room if anyone was still up. He looked a fright, honestly, and though Harry knew /some/ cleaning spells, he really wasn’t good with the ones pertaining to dried or fresh blood on his face. While he was home for break, he’d gotten into a row with his uncle, which had ended with Vernon shoving Harry against the wall and punching him square in the nose. Harry had gotten one hit in, at least, but he had sort of blacked out, so to speak, and wasn’t aware of doing so until he came back to his senses when his nose broke. It was the second time this had happened to him - that things had escalated in the house enough for physical violence to occur - but this was the first time that anything had been so obviously wrong. Harry tumbled out of the fireplace in the Room of Requirement and was met with an otherwise empty room. He hadn’t even thought to bring the Marauder’s Map with him, something he was kicking himself about now, because as Harry left the Room, he almost ran directly into someone else. “Shit - lumos,” he hissed, covering his nose with his spare hand while the tip of his wand lit up to reveal, /of course/, Draco Malfoy, who looked just as disgruntled as Harry felt. “What are you doing out past curfew, Malfoy?” Harry asked with a deeply furrowed brow, hoping to prevent the Slytherin from asking the same. You: [Reading!] Stranger: [thanks! x] You: [Any specific year you want this set?] Stranger: [probably sixth, or we could always set it in seventh year, as if harry hadn't gone horcrux-hunting, or the super-fun optional 8th year! basically sixth year onward, haha x You: [No worries!] You: It had only been one day. Draco had been back at Hogwarts for one day and already he had received a letter from his father, the usual words twisted in there. Disappointment. Voldemort. Duty. Words he was sick of hearing. Duty to the Dark Lord? Draco owed him nothing. All he had done was stripped away any pride left of the Malfoy's. Narcissa never spoke anymore. Scars and nightmares depicted the horrors that Draco had gone through that winter break, playing home to the death eaters. And Lucius was too numb from fear to do anything. In that sense, Draco felt sorry for his father. He seemed to have aged centuries. The Slytherin common room had become home of excited conversation about Voldemort's return and the oncoming war everyone sensed. After nothing but this at home, it grew old quickly. Curfew had been enforced even more strictly this year than before, but any punishment would pale in comparison to what he had faced at his time at the Manor. Draco had headed straight for the Room of Requirement, praying it would offer him some silence. Perhaps a place to spend the night. A dreamless sleep potion wouldn't go a miss either. He had been in the midst of the three walks, when a force knocked him from the side. Of course. Of course it would be Harry Potter. The blonde sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Wouldn't you like to know, Potter." He spat, though with less ferocity than before. The arguing had a dull sensation to it, as if they had been over this time and time before. Draco supposed they had. Stranger: At least the question hadn't been returned to him. Harry could very easily go along his way after tossing another retort at Malfoy, because why would he bother to stop and speak with the Slytherin? But.. Something lingered, as the blond's words resounded in his ears, and Harry realised why. There was no.. Meaning, behind them. The words seemed empty, the disdainful pronunciation of his last name didn't seem half as forceful as it usually was, as it tended to leave Harry with flecks of Malfoy's actual /spit/ on the lenses of his glasses, and Malfoy looked.. Tired. He looked tired, Harry decided, and he frowned, staying perfectly in the way of the door to the Room of Requirement, wondering why the hell the Slytherin would be out this late at night. Keeping his wandlight low, so as to not bring any attention to himself or his own face and dark circles under his eyes from sleep deprivation, Harry nodded. "Yeah, actually, I would, Malfoy. Mind showing me what the hell you're up to in the Room this late at night?" he asked, his brows still quite furrowed together. "Doing your duty to help Voldemort's cause comes to mind, obviously, but hearing it from you would be just that /bit/ more satisfying." You: [let me just say, you write harry so well. like, i can imagine him saying all that. i'm shook] Stranger: [omg thank you he's my favourite character (sorry draco) i just love him and his mentally ill ass so much!!! and you do draco so well too tbh like most people can't grasp him like you have] You: The last thing that Draco had expected was a conversation. Judging by the time of night and the dried blood clinging to Harry's skin, the other should've been eager to get back to the Gryffindor dormitories before he broke curfew even more. Then again, it wasn't like the rules had ever applied to Potter. Saint Potter. The Chosen One. He had no idea what this was like - having to live up to the name. That had never been expected of Harry. He had never had to prove himself. Hell, before the boy had even turned two years old, everyone around the world idolised him. For what? Staying alive? Well then, Draco at least deserved some praise. He was here after all. So what if Harry had survived the killing curse? Draco had survived the cruciatus curse multiple times over the holidays. And, honestly, the killing curse would've been a blessing at time. At the mention of Voldemort's name, Draco flinched, eyes narrowed. "Maybe I'll tell you what happened to me if you explain why you're sneaking in past curfew?" Draco finally lifted his gaze, feeling the strain around his eyes as he did so. He was so tired. "Off fighting to save the Wizarding world? Pardon me if I don't fall at your feet in praise, as the rest of the world seems to be doing." You: [thank you!! draco's my favourite character so it seems we work out quite well hahah] Stranger: Harry, for a brief lapse in judgment, missed the days when he could actually read Malfoy's stupid, often-smug face. He'd been able to read the expressions flitting across it the way that Hermione read books; easily and without much practice. Now, though, it seemed that the Slytherin was intent on cloaking his thoughts for as long as he could, even when he had merely suspected Harry to be in his train compartment at the start of the year. This was the second time Harry had his nose broken, and he would have preferred his face stomped on again than have his uncle's big, solid fist in his face and against his neck. The request that Draco gave had Harry narrowing his eyes, scanning the blond's face for any signs of emotion. All he could see was a tightness, a tiredness, something missing from his features - the eyes, Harry realised. His eyes were.. Duller. Why? Surely Draco Malfoy, son of Voldemort's lapdog family, wouldn't be struggling as long as he listened to the orders that Harry was positive he was given. "The rest of the world does not /fall at my feet/," Harry retorted instantly, feeling his temper flare at the jab. He didn't ask for this. He'd never asked for any of this. Harry would give his own life ten times over if it meant he got to be some normal nobody living with his parents, and Malfoy had the gall to assume that he loved this, and made sure to bring it up, each and every time they fought. "And why would I tell you? All I'd get is a maybe you'll tell me, maybe you won't, in return. Tell me, Malfoy, what's Voldemort assigned you to do?" Harry asked, making sure to use the wizard's name again, as it had clearly made Malfoy flinch before. Odd, that he would find it uncomfortable. You: It had only just occurred to Draco that, had it been in his possession, Harry would've been using the invisibility cloak. A part of him mourned the fact that this had not happened; if that had been the case, Harry could've shuffled his way back to the common room unnoticed, assumedly uncaring of why his self was out past curfew. There were plenty of instances in which this conversation could've been avoided, and yet here he was. Flinching, yet again. Voldemort's voice didn't just represent the Dark Lord who claimed the name. Not anymore. It represented curses thrown, screams ripping through the Manor walls, burning his throat. It represented fire licking at his veins and the idea that maybe he was going to go insane, just the way that Longbottom's parents had. It represented the disappearance of emotions from his mother and the fall of his father. For a moment, silence passed by the two of them. Harry's features were harsh, scrutinising. This was exhausting. "Get out of my way, Potter. Go and wash the blood from your face." He straightened up. "There is no reason to continue this conversation." You: Voldemort's name* Stranger: There was definitely something that Harry wasn't seeing. He'd been working on becoming more observant, with mainly Hermione's help, but also with Ginny's, on occasion, because she was just as observant as Hermione, and often about different things. He needed to be more observant and aware of people and things in his surroundings if he wanted to be an Auror, when this was all over. If he made it through the war, that was. And knowing that there was something he was missing, that there was a reason for Draco to flinch every time Harry said Voldemort's name, and not being able to know what it was? That was driving Harry insane. He squared his posture, straightening his shoulders slightly, and kept his wand down and lowered, not pointing at any part of Malfoy. "Make me," Harry said, his voice soft but his tone quite sincere. He wasn't moving unless he was moved. You: Draco wanted to retort with how juvenile he was being, spit his name out with the same ferocity he always had. At that moment, he almost missed the way the two had been before. Yes, they despised each other. Draco made Harry's life as hellish as possible, but Harry was always there to match him one for one. Now, it seemed the only reason that Harry wanted to fight was because he was already wound up. The fresh wounds indicated that. If it had been any other night, any other situation, Draco might have jumped at the chance to throw a hex at the other. It had been too long since he'd been allowed to cause destruction with his own wand. Just - not tonight. He craved the bed he knew awaited for him behind Harry's stubborn shoulders. The blonde sighed. "Are you not tired of this?" Genuine curiosity accompanied his voice, the finality slipping in there, too. Stranger: Was he tired of this? What kind of question was that? Harry didn't understand why Draco was asking this of him, why he was suddenly seeming to tire of their camaraderie. What had changed to make the Slytherin seem so.. Defeated? Harry lowered his wand completely, murmuring, "Lumos minima," to keep the light as soft and low as possible, on the off-chance anyone came up this way. He lowered his hand from his nose and mouth, brushing it off on his jeans, which were already quite ruined as it was, since they'd been Dudley's before they were Harry's. He still hadn't managed to buy himself any new clothes that weren't wizarding robes. "I don't understand," Harry said after a long moment, genuine confusion mingling with a touch of concern sneaking into his voice. "Not that I don't understand your question. I'm not understanding why you're asking it." Another pause, during which Harry took the smallest of steps closer to Malfoy, away from the doorway to the Room that lay behind him, with Merlin only knew what waiting for Draco. "Unless you're asking because /you're/ tired. Which you do look tired. Hellish, in fact. You should be in bed in your dormitory," Harry continued, his brows furrowed deeply again, but this time in thought instead of anger as he took another step closer, just a tiny bit braver about approaching the Slytherin before him. "Out with it. What are you tired of, exactly, Malfoy?" You: With every step that Harry took forward, Draco lifted his chin an inch. When had the other grown so tall? His chin was almost fully inclined by the time Harry had stopped, a few inches too close for the slytherin's liking. He was just thankful that the wand light had been diminished to almost nothing - he didn't need Potter enquiring about the marks across his face. Not that he had any room to speak. "Of course you don't understand," Draco muttered, rolling his eyes only a fraction of an amount. The appearance of Nearly-Headless Nick caused them both to startle, eyes momentarily as Harry whispered 'Nox', before falling into silence. Somebody was clearly watching over them, as the ghost moved along with nearly no recognition of the boys besides a brief halt. The tip of Harry's wand lit again, bringing attention back to the question. "You, mostly." He shrugged, though he knew Harry wouldn't buy it. The incline of the other boys left eyebrow showed that much. "Not that it's any of your business, but. Just. There are worse things happening in the world right now than me being out of bed or you sneaking in." Stranger: Harry scowled slightly as Draco called him out for not understanding; he wasn't very skilled at Legilimency, of course he wasn't a mind reader, so he didn't understand very well any of this that they were talking about. It was even further cemented when Draco went on to say that he was tired of Harry, which the Gryffindor knew to be untrue. If he was so tired of Harry, then Draco could just bloody well leave, now couldn't he? Of course he could. Harry lit his wand again, a bit more bright, after they'd nearly been caught out by the ghost - Harry supposed he could've talked Nick out of getting them in trouble, but that would involve talking to the ghost, which was quite depressing. "Trust me, I'm just as aware of all the terrible things happening out there," Harry said, and he lifted his wand up between their bodies to get a better look at Malfoy's face. When he did, his eyes widened slightly and Harry frowned, lifting the wandlight up to better examine his face, completely forgetting the fact that Draco would now see the extent of his broken nose and the bruises like choking on his neck. "And what the /hell/ happened to you? Where'd you get those scratches from? You haven't got a cat, and your Owl is the family owl.." Harry reasoned, frowning as his gaze met the other boy's. He wanted an answer, but wouldn't directly push for one - it wasn't his place. You: Almost like instinct, the second the wand was lifted to his face, Draco tried to take a step backwards out of the light. The last thing he needed was Potter pressing about the origin of the bruising and scratches - the idea of saving people was so ingrained in Harry from years of being told that was his duty, he would never let Draco go in peace to the bed awaiting him if he learnt the severity of the situation. "Oh, will you stop?" Draco sighed through split lips. He had many stories that could explain the injuries - a different one for every person he had lied to. Crabbe, Snape, Dumbledore. His mother. But Harry would see straight through any of them. Clutching at any way to escape this, Draco turned it round on the other. "And what happened to /you/?" He tried to keep his tone light but now that the light spread over Harry's entire face, he could hardly stand to look at him. The nose was clearly broken, perhaps even twice, and the bruises hugging his neck were already starting to turn blue around the edges. Stranger: "Like I said before - make me, Malfoy," Harry retorted, frowning deeply at the idea that he wouldn't be able to know what was happening to the other boy. It was bad enough that he was being secretive and that he was most likely working for Voldemort, but now he was injured, on top of that? They hardly looked like physical injuries; Harry had seen enough of those on himself and hidden on his aunt's arms to know what it looked like when someone gripped you too hard, with brute force. Right now, he was more concerned with the idea of someone using magic to hurt Draco, and to hell with it if the Slytherin wasn't a friend, right? He was still a person, still just a boy, just like Harry, and if Harry could help, he bloody well would. At the question of what happened to himself, though, Harry paused. "I got in a fight," he replied simply, because it was true, and he didn't feel like explaining to Draco Malfoy, of all people, that his remaining blood family hated him and had been abusing him for years in various ways. "Your turn. And why do you almost flinch when I point my wand at you?" Harry asked, frowning again. Stranger: [brb! i'm going downstairs for a drink but i've some drunk family so it might be a bit, but i swear to god i'm coming back!! x You: [okay, no problem! x] Stranger: [omg i survived :') You: Only now, when Draco desperately wished somebody would catch them, no professors were around. Not even bloody Filch and that damn cat. Five years prior to this of sneaking around the castle, the majority of times being caught, and now they were nowhere to be found? The irony of it wasn't lost on Draco. He wished to be caught this time, simply to remove himself from this conversation and Harry's eyes. Ridiculous eyes. Draco would've thought there was pity in them, but he'd known the other long enough to know Potter didn't pity anyone. A shitty childhood and fake people will do that to you. More likely, it was concern. Which threw Draco off even more. Of course, he could always just leave and return to his dorm. But that meant standing down to Harry, which had never been an option. "A fight with a troll?" Draco scoffed, shaking his head. Whatever it had been, it definitely wasn't a fair fight. A quick glance showed Draco there was only a hint of bruising on Harry's knuckles, enough to be the result of only one punch, two at a push. Exhaustion was messing with his head and right now, he would be willing to say anything to get Potter to just stand down (for once) and let him through. "The death eaters making home at the Manor have been locked away for plenty of years and their cursing skills have grown rusty. They needed to practice. Now, let me through." You: [yaaay, welcome back haha] Stranger: "More or less," Harry replied, a hint of a dry smile curling the edges of his chapped lips. Blood had already touched them, though Harry had done his best to wipe it away before coming back to school. He knew that Ron would sleep heavily, but the other boys? Harry couldn't count on that. Besides, it was fair for him to suggest that it was a troll he'd fought, anyway, because uncle Vernon certainly resembled one in temperament, though not in intelligence. He was smart enough to usually hide bruises, place them where shirts and baggy clothes could cover them up. Harry was about to ask Draco, again, what had happened to him, but then he got his answer, and it left Harry speechless. He wasn't sure what to say, to be perfectly honest. Malfoy had just admitted to him that there were Death Eaters at his house, and Harry was.. Well, he wasn't obligated, but he felt as though he had a duty to alert the Order immediately about this, on the off-chance it was true. Then again.. It could be a lie. Harry searched Draco's face for anything, any hint of a lie, but he couldn't find a single one. Letting out a slow breath, Harry nodded. "If you let me in there with you," he relented, only slightly shrinking his posture. "I wouldn't stay for long. But we're going to talk, or you're at least going to let me tend to those, and we won't talk. Either way, I'm going with you and that's final." Harry was firm on thisl he would play the card of being in the Order if he had to, but he didn't want to threaten the Slytherin. You: No part of him had believed that the revelation would be enough to get Harry off of his case - if anything, he knew it would make the situation worse. He probably should care that he'd just disclosed the whereabouts of a dozen death eaters to Harry, and he should probably care about what would happen to him when Voldemort learnt of this. But he didn't. All he cared for was sleep and quiet. So much so that the request of joining him didn't phase Draco. If Harry wanted to sit and watch as Draco slept, then so be it. That was all he was going to get. No heart-to-hearts, no pity. "'Either way, I'm going with you and that's final.'" Draco mimicked in a high-pitched voice, already stepping into stride to complete the three walks. I want somewhere to sleep. I want to be safe. I want to forget. The door to the Room made itself known, twisted patterns stretching across the previously plain wall until it solidified. Too much aware of the Gryffindor one step behind him, Draco entered. As expected, a large bed filled a corner of the room, curtains hung around it. In the centre, a chestnut-oak table stood, a variety of potions upon a silver plate. One in particular stood out to him, purple label visible from the door. Dreamless sleep. Stranger: Harry rolled his eyes at being mimicked; he was used to that. That was more like the Draco Malfoy he knew. Right now, though, everything seemed topsy-turvy, everything turned upside-down and flown around like someone who had no bloody clue how to fly a broom had decided it was okay to pilot one. Harry stepped aside for Draco to make his three strides, watching in wonderment as the door opened for him. He was desperate to know what the other thought of to conjure the Room the way it was - soft, quiet, a large bed in the corner, a table full of potions - and then followed him inside anyway. "At least when you mimic my voice you sound more like yourself," Harry commented, his voice quiet in the room. It felt almost as if he couldn't speak too loudly or he would end up being silenced. He watched as Malfoy seemed to make a beeline for the potions table and followed, inspecting them and noticing they were all for sleep, for dreamless sleep, or for something to aid with sleeping and having pleasant dreams. I need potions to help with his injuries, Harry thought, and watched as some seemed to spring from the table, albeit quite slowly, because if Harry was correct, they were curse marks. "I won't talk to you. Take your potion and get into bed, I'll sort out the potions I need to help you," Harry instructed, his voice a soft murmur in the room. He didn't want to be too commanding and demanding, but it was his nature in situations like this to take control - or was that nurture, instead? Harry didn't know and didn't want to find out, uncorking the bottles and inspecting them one by one, dropping a few drops carefully onto a plate he hadn't noticed before to see what they did. You: The bed grew more comfortable every time. His first experience with the room had been back at the start of the year; he'd been trying desperately to get rid of some curse marks across his ribs. That had been the first time he'd been used by the death eaters and his father had promised, in whispered breaks when they got a chance to be alone, that it would be the only time. That Voldemort had offered him before Lucius could offer himself. Draco recalls that from up close, his father looked a lot older. Any argument that could occur between the two boys was sucked away, a peaceful blanket thrown over the room. Even if they had wanted to fight, had the energy to, Draco had a feeling the room wouldn't allow it. Allowing himself to relax for the first time in days, the blonde finished off three of the potions - all different variations of sleep. Dreamless, fearless, peaceful. His eyes were growing tired and he let himself close them, slightly aware of Harry's presence as he crossed the room to the bed, but too drained to open his eyes. Stranger: It was a bit concerning, really, that Draco was so intent on taking the potions for sleep that he was willing to mix them. Shouldn't he, of all people, know the dangers of doing so? He was close with Snape, and he had better marks in Potions than even hermione did most of the time. Harry kept his comments to himself, though, thinking that it wouldn't be wise to start an argument right now. He wasn't sure if it was his own idea or the Room's, but either way, Harry felt it to be the correct type of thought. He stayed silent until he knew that Draco was tucked into the bed, probably still in his clothes. "Have you any other marks that are bad enough for me to look at?" Harry asked quietly. He had deemed the potions safe enough for use on the Slytherin, and gathered them up on a small silver tray, which he carried over to the bed. A table sprung up just as Harry thought he'd like to have one, and he set the tray down on it before hesitantly sitting on the very edge of the bed. From this angle, from above, with his eyes closed, Draco looked.. Peaceful. At rest. Something about it made Harry's heart twist and he realised it was because the boy looked like a corpse. "I don't know if you're allowed to mix potions like that, but if you don't wake up, I'm going to bring you back and hex you," Harry muttered, mostly to himself. He wasn't sure the other could hear him, anyway. Picking up the first potion - one to penetrate underneath the skin to heal deeper wounds - Harry used a cloth he hadn't noticed before and soaked the tip of it before gently rubbing it onto Draco's face, his motions gentle and slow, not wanting to hurt. You: At the question, the marks sliced across Draco's back and dug into the gaps of his ribs called for attention, but no matter what state he was in, he wouldn't allow Harry to tend to them. If needs be, he would wait until he was alone in the room and do it himself. "No." A hint of a thank you almost came, but not quite. Sleep was already tugging at all of his senses and his muscles screamed for him to let go, but he wouldn't allow himself to fall so willingly whilst Harry was still here. Just as Draco thought that he would've been much more comfortable in pyjamas, a pair appeared besides him on the bed. He would change later. Potions shouldn't really be mixed. It was a fact that Snape focused on intently - he had even set a homework essay on the dangers and side effects of doing so. "The Room will protect me." He replied, voice so soft. He honestly believed it. The Room had been here when he had had nothing else. It had supplied him with everything he had ever wanted and more. The first time he had come, all he wanted was silence, and it had given it. The Room wouldn't hurt him. Stranger: "If it doesn't, I'm going to have words with it," Harry murmured, keeping his voice just as soft as Draco's. He was sure that there were other wounds on his body - there was no way the Death Eaters practiced curses solely on the Slytherin's face and neck - and so Harry was going to tend to his wounds that he could see the best that he could. He paid no mind to the fact that Draco seemed to still be awake, working steadily and quietly for about five minutes before he noticed the pyjamas. "Do you.. Want to change? I can turn around, or - " Harry paused, as a screen seemed to set itself up at the foot of the bed, as if asking for Harry to leave the area. "All right. You change. Two more potions to go to help with healing," he promised, standing up from where he'd been sat on the edge of the bed. Harry left the bed area alone for the time being, giving Draco enough time to change before quietly calling, "Are you decent? I'm coming back." You: His body seemed to move without any indication from his brain, slowly and carefully fitting the pyjamas onto himself. They were silk, of course, and rested comfortably against his bruises. Sometimes, he cursed his body for being so breakable. The curses were understandable - no wizard could leave what he had unharmed, but the bruises were all so /mortal./ A result of hitting the wall too hard or slamming down to the floor with invisible force. Blue and black and tinges of yellow painted him, similar to those formed around Harry's neck and Draco was struck for a minute how broken the two of them were. Quite different to the witty, wholesome children they had been when they had met. The thought pulled him away from reality a moment too long, missing when Harry had spoken and giving no response. The buttons of his pyjama shirt were undone, all of the destruction still visible on his front when Harry stepped out from behind the sheet, his gaze instantly falling there as Draco hurried to work on his buttons. Of course, his hands were shaking. Stranger: Harry paused when he saw the bruises colouring Draco's chest, and with sudden clarity, he could imagine the bruises landing on the other's pale skin. Falling, or hitting something - not curses, not spells - but the aftermath of them. Quite quickly, Harry moved to Draco's side, placing his own hands - warm, a bit calloused, stained with his own blood - over top of the blond's, stilling the motions of them. "No, it's - it's okay. Please, let me help?" Harry asked, his voice unusually soft and gentle. It was even more unusual that he would ask to help, but as he glanced at Draco's face, he decided that waiting for an answer was perhaps stupid, and so he gently guided the blond back to the bed, leaving one hand on the opening of his pyjama shirt while the other reached for the same potion that he had used on his face. "Your face already looks more like it usually does. This can help, with your chest," Harry explained quietly, showing the bottle to Draco and its label before magically uncorking it and using some on his fingers to press lightly into the wounds on Draco's chest. "Just - hold still." You: Harry hadn't really given him a choice, or time to resist. The potion burnt but only slightly and the other was being so gentle that Draco didn't have it in him to ask him to stop. It really looked like he was enjoying this - not the pain that Draco was experiencing but the helping. It was a subdued form of enjoyment, not as if he was happy about the situation but eagerness to help - to fix everything. Even things that couldn't be. As Harry worked on his injuries, Draco had time to examine the other's. The nose angled awkwardly, bruising by the side making it clear that it had been the result of a forceful punch. The muggles idea of fighting wasn't one that Draco had encountered many times, only that incident when Harry had tackled him after the Quidditch game, but he was clued up enough to realise. The bruising around his neck was a whole other story - finger shaped marks were printed there and Draco wondered how long he had had to go without breathing for. "You need to tend to your own injuries, as well." He said quietly, and seconds after, a new handful of potions appeared on the tray. Stranger: "I will," Harry answered after a moment. He didn't really think that his own injuries warranted talking about, or tending to - they weren't as severe as Malfoy's. Harry knew how deep and terrible curse marks could be - hell, Ron even had some imprinted on his arms from the brains that had gotten a hold of him at the Ministry last summer - and Harry knew his own would heal just fine with or without the assistance of magic. "I'm sorry if it stings at all," he added as a means of apologising, just for something, because Harry couldn't bring himself to apologise for following Malfoy into the Room. He wouldn't be able to say it and mean it, and at least he was able to mean the apology for the burning or stinging potions. Harry corked the first potion back up and then grabbed the second, using the cloth this time to trace over the wounds on Draco's chest. He pointedly ignored the other medicinal potions available to him on the counter, as he could use those once he was sure that Malfoy was fine. "Is.. Is Bellatrix at the Manor as well, then?" Harry asked after a moment, barely able to get the name out without feeling hatred rise like bile in his throat. She'd taken the last bit of hope from Harry, the last shred of hope for escape from the Dursleys, without a second thought. Harry had to know. You: Malfoy had a feeling that he would have to force Harry to care for his own wounds - after all, despite what the two of them thought of each other, Harry had proved to be selfless. Whether it was fierce loyalty or a lack of self-care, he did not know. But over the years they had known each other, Draco had seen him go extraordinary lengths for the people he cared about and even now, for the person he hated. At the sound of Bellatrix's name, Malfoy flinched. It had become such a common occurrence that his muscles seemed to curve into it effortlessly, his shoulders rising slightly towards his ears. She had been the one to perform the majority of the cruciatus curses. The rest weren't so cruel. They were far from enjoyable, but stinging and mutation hexes were nothing compared to the torture of the cruciatus curse. Every bad thing that Draco had ever said to Neville hung over him now as a humbling reminder - he would never say another word to him again. "You know I can't." Draco eventually responded, meeting Harry's eyes. The hatred and hurt was evident on his face and his heart twisted, for reasons he didn't understand. "If they find out I even told you about them staying.." He shook his head, closing his eyes momentarily. As always, flashes of green and cries of pain printed on his eyelids. He opened them. Stranger: The fact that Draco flinched when Harry so much as mentioned the name of his aunt - of Bellatrix Lestrange, previously Bellatrix Black - spoke more than words ever could. "Okay," Harry replied simple, knowing that it would be dangerous enough for the youngest Malfoy to actually go home for any length of time, especially now. And Harry, though he was sure it was just guilt, felt entirely responsible for that. How could he help to force someone out of their home and not feel guilty about it? Just because he had been forced out of his own by Voldemort didn't mean that others had to be, as well. Harry finished with the second of the three potions for Malfoy's wounds and then paused, biting on his lower lip, unaware that he might be chewing it until it bled again. "When - when Sirius passed, he left me Grimmauld Place in his will," Harry started, voice soft but slow, not reluctant, but merely tentative. He didn't want to cross any lines. "It's currently the headquarters for the Order. It's the Black family residence, and.. And it's safe. Myself and the members of the Order are the Secret-Keepers for it," he explained, picking up the third potion and ,erely holding it in his hands. "If you wanted, we could relocate you and.. One or two family members, if you needed, to this house." Harry paused again, meeting Draco's eyes, and then began to gently pat the potion from the bottle onto his fingers and then to Malfoy's chest. It was meant to close any wounds and help with healing. "You'd have to renounce any, like.. Loyalty to Voldemort, though." You: "I don't have any loyalty to Voldemort." He replied fiercely, the first heated word that had been spoken since they entered the room and it was gone quicker than it had come. Deep nail marks - courtesy of his wonderful aunt Bellatrix - burnt as the potion sunk in, attempting to heal and close the wound. Any other nail wounds wouldn't have been as painful, but the hands of Bellatrix Lestrange were amongst the most dangerous things to face and the physicality of her showed it. The idea of somewhere safe, where he could sleep without waking every couple of minutes, obviously appealed to him. The fact that his biggest needs - as shown by the room - were a bed and some quiet portrayed that. But the logistics would never work. Despite everything, his father wouldn't renounce loyalty to Voldemort. He would die first. And, although she loved her son deeply, more than she loved Lucius, Narcissa Malfoy was a fiercely loyal woman and would leave none of her family behind. And Draco would die before he left his mother alone - his father was nothing of a protector anymore. "That's very kind of you," He said sincerely, between hisses of pain. "But, right now, that won't work out. As much as -" He paused, a tight smile on his face. Even just talking about this put up countless walls, walls that Harry had somehow managed to work through over the past hour. "Thank you, though." Stranger: "As much as you'd like to accept the offer, you can't. I suppose that's one thing Slytherins and Gryffindors have in common, hmm? We're both intensely loyal to the people we care about," Harry surmised, believing himself to be correct. If he wasn't, he was positive that Malfoy would let him know within an instant - it was part of being a Slytherin, as Harry believed - they always had to be right in one way or another. It was worse than most Ravenclaws, honestly; that House was quite the open-minded bunch, if Harry was being honest about it. He had also noticed how quick Draco had been to denounce any loyalty to Voldemort, and though he was sure that it had much to do with these injuries, Harry wasn't going to press it. Not now, anyway. Every sound of pain that the Slytherin let out had Harry's stomach twisting and he wished he could soothe it, somehow. Without his even thinking it more than on a subconscious level, another potion appeared, one whose lavel explained that it would do something along the lines of lessen pain. "I'm going to add this one as well. I'd ask you to drink it, but I think you've already done something a bit dangerous," Harry murmured, lifting the potion and gently rubbing it over Draco's torso, not focusing on the wounds, but just on the skin he could see and reach. He reached up to the Slytherin's face, hands running warm and smooth along his skin, and Harry paused with one hand on each cheek, his eyes focused on Draco's for the longest moment before he slowly let his hands slide down, over his neck, to rest on his shoulders. "Are you feeling any better?" Harry asked, his voice barely above a whisper. You: "Quite." Draco spoke, purposely keeping his answers short as he knew his voice would be shaky. He took great pride in never crying in front of anybody, not even the death eaters. The metallic taste of blood that he had sampled swam to mind, as Draco had bit down so harshly on his tongue to keep from crying out. He always did, though. Bellatrix seemed to get the most enjoyment out of that, her erratic screams of laughter mixing with his own. And yet, he never cried. Perhaps it was some sort of Slytherin thing - pride, self integrity - or perhaps it was a Malfoy thing. The family had grown used to hiding their own hurt. Even so, it didn't explain why Draco felt the need to cry now. Nobody had touched him in this way in such a long time, as if to comfort him and soothe. Touch had too often become associated with pain. The potion worked quickly, much more so than the others. Naivety wasn't a Malfoy trait. He knew the hexes would never heal completely. The ones on his body he could live with, but deep marks cut across his face and the thought of having a constant reminder so blatantly obvious made him sick. Stranger: Harry stayed silent, not wanting to provoke the other boy into speaking, as he was sure that Malfoy was doing the same thing that Harry himself did when he had been confronted by Dudley when he was younger, or by uncle Vernon mere hours ago, the man's fist against his neck and spots swimming in front of his eyes -he was trying not to cry. It was hard to show emotion as it was, but Harry had purposely shoved any but the righteously angry ones down deep inside of himself. The last time he'd cried had been the summer before his fifth year, shortly before he turned fifteen - he'd woken up sobbing from a dream about Cedric's death, and he hadn't been able to stop it. Even with no one to witness it, Harry felt a deep shame for having cried at all. He wasn't supposed to cry; he was supposed to be the Saviour of the wizarding world, as absurd as that was. Once he'd finished tending to every single one of Draco's injuries that he could reach, Harry murmured, "I'm done." He set the potion aside, resisting the urge to rub at his nose for fear it would ache, and then asked, "D'you want me to, like.. Go back behind the screen while you sleep? I don't want you to, like.. You know. Die in your sleep because of the potions or something." It was a bit of a lame excuse to stick around, but Harry was going to use it. You: One thing that Draco had grown to appreciate tonight was that Harry never pushed - not even really when initially asking about his injuries, not when mentioning Bellatrix, not now when the blonde was clearing fighting the urge to cry. Previous experience, Draco guessed, told Harry that sometimes some things don't need to be told in full. Not yet, anyway. Emotions had always been a taboo in the Malfoy house - all those beside pride and arrogance, it seemed. Weakness was responded to in the same manner as the letter that Draco had received early on this night. "Um. You can, like.. If you want to." As a response to his incoherent mumbling, a round, comfortable-looking seat appeared beside the bed, accompanied with a thick blanket and a reclining ability. His clear fear of being alone should've embarrassed him but it felt the two of them had come on too far - even in the past hour - for trivial things like embarrassment to matter. Stranger: The sound of things magically coming into existence had Harry turning and he couldn't help a slight smile at the sight of the comfortable armchair and thick blanket, both maroon in colour with golden accents to them. It was honestly quite touching that his presence was still wanted, even after barging into the safe space that Malfoy had created for himself. "I'll stay," Harry murmured. "Don't worry." He paused a moment, wondering why he was soothing Draco, but then brushed the thought aside. Carefully, Harry buttoned up the pyjama top again and then hesitated a moment, hand outstretched as if to brush back a strand of hair from Draco's face, but he lowered it instead, almost too shy to go through with it. He wasn't sure if it would be.. Acceptable, to say the least, to brush Malfoy's hair aside as if he were a lover or a caretaker or some odd mix of both. "Sleep well, okay? I'll be right here," Harry murmured, moving himself to sit in the reclining chair. He leaned back in it, comfortable enough in his clothes to curl up tiny and small, as he was used to, shifting the blanket over him. He'd take care of his injuries in the morning, Harry rold himself. You: [hey, it's just turned 5am here and i can feel myself starting to fall asleep so i should probably get to bed. i've loved this so much, i'm so sad to be leaving omg] Stranger: [omg do you have anything we could continue on?? you're GMT, it's only just about 12am for me. i've got kik and email?? omggg You: [yeah, we could definitely continue over email! my email is [email protected] , wanna send your last response there and i'll reply in the morning?] Stranger: [YES okay hold on, if you can stay awake for a couple minutes longer while i send it to you?? You: [yes of course!!] Stranger: [okay okay hold on uno momento x Stranger: [it was sent! my email is [email protected] !! Stranger: [if you wanna grab the chat log link that'd be cool but if not i definitely don't mind!! x You: [yep, got it! of course, i'll grab it and send it over through email. thanks so much for this, i really enjoyed it. i'll speak to you tomorrow!! x] You have disconnected. 
 


Destiel #39

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi! You both like destiel. You: [College AU. Cas and Dean broke up a couple weeks ago.] (3:53 am) I know you’re angry and told me to never speak to you again, but the nightmares are back and you’re the only one who can calm me down. CN Stranger: You need to make yourself some warm milk whiskey. DW You: Tell me how. CN Stranger: Heat up some milk in a pan, hot enough until it just starts to bubble at the edges, then take it out and add half a shot of whiskey. Stir and mix in a spoonful of sugar, so you don't taste the alcohol. DW You: You know, I never knew that was what you made me. I just drank it. CN Stranger: Yeah, I know. DW You: Thank you. I'll leave you alone, now. CN Stranger: Right. Yeah. You'll be able to sleep, anyway. DW You: [43 minutes later] I don't think I made it right. CN Stranger: How come? DW You: My hands still haven't stopped shaking. CN Stranger: Make yourself another one and don't drink it until you're comfy in bed. DW You: I think I'm just going to force myself to sleep. It's too dark to get up again. CN Stranger: Right. Well, that's exactly how I made it. It should taste the same. DW You: It did taste the same. It just didn't help this time. CN Stranger: I dunno what to suggest. I didn't do anything else. DW You: Okay. Never mind. Thank you for trying. CN Stranger: It's fine. Hope you get a better sleep. DW You: [Next Night. 1:32 am] You must have done something differently. CN Stranger: What? DW You: To stop the nightmares. I made three drinks and it hasn't worked. CN Stranger: I didn't do anything differently. And you even said it tasted the same. DW You: Then why isn't it working? CN Stranger: I don't know. You should feel better. I just gave it to you in bed, that's all. DW You: I'll just take the milk part out of the equation. That should help. CN Stranger: You know what your hangovers are like. DW You: Better than this. CN Stranger: You'll be fine, okay? Just, I dunno, get a hot water bottle, wrap it in a blanket and hold it. Try that. DW You: [no reply] Stranger: Don't be dumb and start drinking. DW You: Coming from you? CN Stranger: We're not talking about me. DW You: Let me just see if it helps. CN Stranger: Okay. DW You: [3am] It does. CN Stranger: Good. DW You: Mhm. CN Stranger: Right, well. Night. DW You: You've not starting the drugs again, have you? Since we broke up, I mean. CN You: started* Stranger: You should be trying to get some sleep. DW You: Dean. CN Stranger: No, alright? What the hell does it matter? DW You: Just checking. CN Stranger: Go to sleep. DW You: No. You. CN Stranger: You're falling asleep now. Put your phone away. DW You: You sound like you're trying to hypnotise me. CN Stranger: Anything just to get you to sleep. DW You: I miss you. CN Stranger: Don't. You're exhausted. Get some rest. DW You: Think I might have figured out why the milk didn't work. CN Stranger: Why not? DW You: I don't think it was ever the drink. It was just you. CN Stranger: That's dumb. I didn't do anything. DW You: Don't think you had to. CN Stranger: Well, now you've got your bottle, so you'll be fine. DW You: Yeah? CN Stranger: Yeah. DW You: Good. I'm glad. CN Stranger: Right. Well. I'll let you get some sleep. DW You: I don't want you to. CN Stranger: You always say things you don't mean when you're tired. DW You: You say things you don't mean all the time. CN Stranger: That's because I'm an asshole, remember? DW You: Not a valid excuse, though. CN Stranger: Didn't say it was an excuse. DW You: Should I get a pet? CN Stranger: It's your choice. DW You: You hate animals. CN Stranger: I don't hate animals. DW You: You wouldn't let me get a cat, or dog. CN Stranger: Well, good thing you're not stuck with me anymore, then. DW You: If you decide to come back, would I have to get rid of it? CN Stranger: We're over. It's your life. Get a pet or don't. Whatever you want. DW You: [no reply] Stranger: And for the record, I said I didn't want a dog in the car. And I'm allergic to cats. DW You: Ok. CN Stranger: [no reply] You: [an hour later] I keep trying to think up excuses to text you. CN Stranger: You know Balthazar wants to ask you out. DW You: He does? CN Stranger: Yeah. He's more your type. DW You: What do you mean? CN Stranger: Classy, smart. Better off. You'd have fun. DW You: Are you over me? CN You: If you are, then I'll go out with him. CN Stranger: It's got nothing to do with me. DW You: Just answer the question. CN Stranger: It doesn't matter. DW You: It does. CN Stranger: We don't work together, so it really doesn't. DW You: Please. CN Stranger: No. But that doesn't change anything. DW You: Right. CN Stranger: Yeah. DW You: I don't want to date Balt. CN Stranger: Then there's Crowley. DW You: Really? CN Stranger: Yeah. DW You: He treats me like a piece of ass. CN Stranger: Then there'll be a ton of other people that you can choose from. DW You: You're being stupid. CN Stranger: What's new? DW You: Stop it. CN Stranger: It's late. DW You: Then go to sleep. CN Stranger: So should you. DW You: Not tired. CN Stranger: You'll be wrecked for you ten o'clock. DW You: I'll not go. CN Stranger: You always go to class. DW You: So? CN Stranger: You went to class when you had the flu. DW You: I don't see how that's relevant. CN Stranger: You wouldn't ever ditch class for sleep. DW You: Shit happens. CN Stranger: That's not like you. DW You: You don't know me. CN Stranger: Yeah, I do. DW You: I'm shaking again. CN You: This sucks. CN Stranger: You need to keep warm. DW You: Doesn't whiskey keep you warm? CN Stranger: Don't drink. Just get another hot water bottle and get back under the covers. DW You: Okay. CN Stranger: Okay, good. DW You: [Delayed] I feel better now. CN Stranger: What did you do? DW You: What you said. Got the hot water bottle. CN Stranger: Just don't burn yourself. DW You: And I spoke to Sam. cn You: You worry too much. CN Stranger: Right, well, if you're talking to Sam, you've got someone else, so I'll leave you to it. DW You: You don't have to speak to me, you know. It's very clear you don't want to. CN Stranger: There's no point. I'm not a masochist. DW You: No point in what? CN Stranger: Us talking. DW You: Oh. CN You: Okay. CN Stranger: It's stupid and it's late and it might be normal for a second, but it's not. DW You: That's fine. :) CN Stranger: No, it's not. We're not together anymore. DW You: I mean us not talking. That's fine. CN Stranger: Oh. Right. Yeah. DW You: I can do it on my own, you know? CN Stranger: I know you can. DW You: Good. Because I can. CN Stranger: I never said you weren't. DW You: Everyone else does. CN Stranger: You know they're wrong. DW You: I thought they were. CN Stranger: They are. DW You: Okay. CN Stranger: You know how strong you are. DW You: Everyone treats me like I'm broken. CN Stranger: You're not. Tell them to go fuck themselves. DW You: I will. CN Stranger: Good. DW You: Why do you keep texting me back? CN Stranger: Why do you keep texting me? DW You: Because you keep texting back. CN Stranger: That doesn't make sense. DW You: I know. CN Stranger: Have a good sleep, alright? DW You: You, too. Be happy. Soooo happy. CN Stranger: Have you been drinking? DW You: Just to help the shaking. CN You: Not a lot. CN Stranger: How much is not a lot? DW You: I don't know. Not a lot. CN Stranger: So, a lot. Go take some painkillers. And drink water. You know your hangovers are shitty. DW You: I already told you I can handle it. CN Stranger: Just do it, alright? DW You: Are you mad? CN Stranger: No. DW You: Okay. CN Stranger: Will you please not be a dumbass and look after yourself properly? DW You: I can do it. CN Stranger: Have you taken your painkillers yet? DW You: Maybe. CN Stranger: Cas. DW You: :) CN Stranger: For fuck's sake. You're gonna feel like hell tomorrow. DW You: You worry too much. What time is it? CN Stranger: Half 4. DW You: Have you slept yet? CN Stranger: Not yet. DW You: I'm sorry. CN Stranger: I was up anyway. DW You: Just tell me to fuck off. CN Stranger: I'm not that much of an asshole, surprisingly. DW You: I'm annoying, though. CN Stranger: You're not annoying. DW You: Liar. CN Stranger: You've never been annoying. And I'm not lying. DW You: Not even when I was ill with the flu and you kept telling me to go to bed but I wouldn't because I had the report to finish? CN Stranger: No, I was just frustrated that you wouldn't let me take care of you. DW You: Because you was going to leave. So I couldn't let you. CN Stranger: [delayed] That's all in the past now, anyway. DW You: What about when we watched Marley and Me and I cried for like 2 hours. That was annoying. CN Stranger: It wasn't. You wouldn't let me go and I thought for once I could do something right to make you feel better. DW You: [delayed] I love you. CN Stranger: You don't. You're drunk and exhausted and you're better off without me. DW You: Just let me. CN Stranger: Let you what? DW You: Love you. CN Stranger: Cas, please. DW You: I was gonna ask you to marry me. CN Stranger: Don't say that. DW You: So don't fucking say I don't. CN Stranger: It would've been the biggest mistake of your life. DW You: That implies that you would've said yes. CN Stranger: [delayed] Go get some sleep. You need it. DW You: You would've said yes. CN Stranger: Don't do this to me, okay? Please don't. DW You: Do what? CN Stranger: It doesn't matter. DW You: Do what? CN Stranger: We've over. You're just drunk and nostalgic, and in the morning, you'll read over this and regret everything. DW You: And lonely. You forgot lonely. CN Stranger: That lonely that you think you want me back. DW You: Will you come over? CN Stranger: No. I can't. DW You: Please. I want someone to hold me. CN Stranger: You're just lonely. You don't want me. You just want arms. DW You: You have arms. CN Stranger: Go to bed. DW You: Come. CN Stranger: No. DW You: I need someone. CN Stranger: No, you need anyone. And that's not me. DW You: Then who is it? CN Stranger: I'm not gonna come over and pretend that we're okay, just to have to sneak out before you wake up so I don't have to see the look of disgust on your face when you realise what happened in the morning. DW You: Look of disgust? Are you under the impression that I don't fucking love you? CN Stranger: You're fucking drunk. And lonely. DW You: And in love. CN Stranger: And you're forgetting every shitty thing that happened between us. Why we broke up. DW You: Can't forget it. We went to shit, I shouted at you a lot, you cheated, I couldn't blame you. CN Stranger: [delayed] I didn't cheat on you. DW You: Sure you did. CN You: Lisa told me. CN Stranger: Do you remember the ex that I told you about? The one that told people that I used to fuck Sam? My brother? DW Stranger: That was fucking Lisa. DW You: [Delayed] I'm confused. CN Stranger: Lisa is an ex. DW You: She said you slept with her. CN Stranger: Two years ago. DW You: The night that we had that big row. When I smashed that plate. CN Stranger: I stayed with Sam. DW You: Oh, God. CN Stranger: It doesn't matter. DW You: No, yeah, it does. I'm.. fucking hell. That was why I gave up. CN Stranger: You were right. You deserve better. DW You: You never did anything wrong. You didn't cheat. CN Stranger: I was still an asshole. DW You: I'm an idiot. CN Stranger: No, you're not. I cheated on Lisa, and this is karma. DW You: I don't know what to do. CN Stranger: You should go to bed. DW You: I'm so sorry. CN Stranger: Don't have anything to be sorry for. DW You: Let me apologise. CN Stranger: You don't need to. I mean it. DW You: Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. CN Stranger: Cas, don't. DW You: :( CN Stranger: We argued all the time. I made your life miserable. DW You: Not all the time. CN Stranger: Most of it. You don't need that. DW You: I'm never gonna change your mind. You're too stupid. CN You: stubborn* Stranger: I want you to be happy, alright? DW You: Yeah. CN Stranger: Okay. DW You: Okay, Dean. CN Stranger: Just. Whatever else, be happy. DW You: Maybe I should delete your number. Let us both move on. CN Stranger: [delayed] You do what's best for you. DW You: It means I won't be able to bother you. CN Stranger: You don't bother me. DW You: I will eventually. CN Stranger: You'll forget all about me long before that happens. DW You: Don't be silly. You were it for me. I'd planned out my whole life around you. CN Stranger: You can't plan your whole life like that. DW You: I can. I did. Just didn't work out. CN You: I actually planned it a long time ago. With your mom. CN Stranger: What? DW You: Like the proposal and the wedding and stuff. Me and your mom planned it ages ago. When we were younger. CN Stranger: [delayed] I didn't know. DW You: It was supposed to be a surprise. CN Stranger: I'm sorry I screwed it all up. DW You: It was a joint effort. CN Stranger: You were always the special one, Cas. DW You: I better have been. CN Stranger: Yeah. DW You: That's good. It means that even when you meet someone else, I'll know that I'm special. CN Stranger: Like I'll ever meet someone else like you. DW You: Maybe not. But you'll meet someone else. CN Stranger: Nah. You'll be the one with the smart and fancy husband, giving you whatever you want. DW You: You deserve that. CN Stranger: What I don't want? Maybe you're right. DW You: No. Something stable. Someone. To be happy. CN You: Just. Don't take this the wrong way, but you're a lot of work, Dean. You have so many walls up, and they take so long to break down, but when they do, it's so worth it. I just don't want people to give up on you before they realise that. CN Stranger: Don't worry about me. I'll just be the same guy I was before we got together. DW You: He wasn't a good guy. CN Stranger: It won't be something you'll have to worry about. DW You: You're putting your walls up again. CN Stranger: What do you want me to say, Cas, really? That I managed to fuck up the best thing that happened to me? That I dunno what to do? That I'm never gonna ever find something like what we had? What? What do you want from me? DW You: I'm going to bed. CN Stranger: Okay. DW You: I won't text you tomorrow. CN Stranger: Right. Yeah. DW You: Or at least, I'll try not to. CN Stranger: You won't. I get it. Don't worry. DW
Goodnight, Castiel. DW You: Goodnight, Dean-o. CN Stranger: [no reply] You: [two weeks later] Hey. Have you been talking to Cas recently? SW Stranger: Not recently. DW You: Right. Okay. SW Stranger: Why? DW You: He's not been answering my messages for the past couple weeks, and he used to call every night. SW Stranger: [to Castiel] Cas? DW You: Mm? CN Stranger: Sam said you've been avoiding him. DW You: Just been busy. CN Stranger: Are you okay? DW You: Always. CN Stranger: Sorry. It's Dean, by the way. DW You: Yeah. I didn't delete your number. CN Stranger: Oh. DW Stranger: Just... don't punish Sam because of me. Please. DW You: Is he worrying? CN Stranger: Yes. You haven't answered messages in two weeks. DW You: It's not personal. I haven't answered anyone. CN Stranger: Why? What's wrong? DW You: Just busy. College. CN Stranger: Right. None of my business. Sorry for bothering you. DW You: Tell Sam I'm okay. CN Stranger: You should talk to him yourself. DW You: He doesn't leave it alone like you do. CN Stranger: Leave what alone? DW You: Me. CN You: He pushes. CN Stranger: Sam's your friend. Don't push him away. He's good. DW You: Just tell him I'm okay. CN Stranger: Please. DW You: I can't. CN Stranger: It's not Sam's fault. It's mine. Don't hurt him. DW You: He's too much like you. CN You: I don't want to hurt him. CN Stranger: So, I've managed to fuck up your friendship, too. DW You: I just want to be alone. CN Stranger: I'm sorry. DW You: Okay. CN Stranger: I'll leave you alone. DW You: Will you tell Sam? CN Stranger: Yeah. Sure. DW You: Thank you. CN Stranger: Right. DW You: [no reply] Stranger: [to Sam] Cas says he's sorry, but he wants to be alone. Seems I fucked him up so bad that you remind him of me too much. So. I'm sorry. DW You: Oh. Okay. SW You: Well, as long as he's alright. SW Stranger: Yeah. He said to tell you he was okay. DW You: I tried speaking to his brothers but he won't speak to them either, so I figured you were the best bet. Thanks, Dean. SW Stranger: Don't thank me. He's like that because of me in the fucking first place. DW You: He'll be okay. I'm gonna try and set him up with Balthazar. Which is gonna be difficult seen as he isn't talking to me, but I'll figure it out. SW Stranger: Can you just not talk to me about it? At all? Ever? DW You: About Cas? SW Stranger: I just can't, Sam, alright? DW You: Okay. Alright, sorry. SW Stranger: I want him to be happy, so do what you gotta do, but, fuck it, I can't hear about it. DW You: Forgive me if this is wrong, but if he's unhappy because your not together, wouldn't the suitable solution be for you to get back together? SW You: you're* Stranger: We didn't work out. I didn't make him happy. I fucked it up, okay? DW You: Okay. SW Stranger: He's probably unhappy about something else, anyway. DW You: Like what? SW Stranger: I don't know. DW You: I'll help him. SW Stranger: Thanks, Sammy. DW You: [a month later] I know you don't want to hear about Cas, but he's doing better. SW Stranger: I'm glad. Got himself a boyfriend? DW You: Kind of. I think Balthazar is getting bored. SW Stranger: Cas won't stay single for long. DW Stranger: If that asshole's getting bored and goes, I mean. DW You: I kinda hope he leaves him anyway. Cas deserves better. I thought he was nicer. SW Stranger: Well, you're his friend. You can help him out. DW You: He keeps calling him a nut-job. It's not very nice. SW
I'll sort it. SW Stranger: If he's like that, Cas needs to find someone better. DW You: Yeah, I know. SW Stranger: Kinda sucks, Sammy. DW You: I know. SW Stranger: I mean. He's moved on and I still can't even bring myself to get laid. DW You: I don't think he's fully moved on. That's why Balthazar's getting bored. SW Stranger: Well, he's getting there, obviously. DW
Good for him. DW You: I guess. I hope you get there. SW Stranger: [delayed] He was gonna ask me to marry him. Me. DW You: I know. Mom told me. SW You: Before, obviously. SW Stranger: Yeah. He was it, so, you know. DW You: He'd take you back. SW Stranger: He's moving on. I'm not gonna screw him up again. He's too important. DW You: You're both so stubborn. SW Stranger: C'mon, Sam. He was always too good for me. It was never gonna work. DW You: He clearly doesn't think so. SW Stranger: Didn't. DW You: Whatever. SW Stranger: Don't screw up like me, okay? You fall in love and you do whatever it takes to keep them happy. DW You: I finally asked Jess out. SW Stranger: She's a great girl. DW You: Yeah. She is. SW Stranger: Be happy, Sammy. DW You: You're not gonna kill yourself or something stupid, right? SW Stranger: Shut up. I'm not dumb. DW You: Okay. Good. SW Stranger: Someone's gotta look out for your sorry ass. DW You: That's very true. Just try your hardest to be happy, yeah? SW Stranger: I got my baby and I got you. What more could I want? DW You: Dean. SW Stranger: What? DW You: Nothing. SW Stranger: Okay. Well. I'll see you later. DW You: [two weeks later] Balthazar left. CN Stranger: [delayed] I'm sorry. DW You: I'm not. CN Stranger: You'll find someone better. DW You: Already did. CN Stranger: Oh. Good for you. DW You: It's you, idiot. CN Stranger: You can't just text me after you've broken up with someone. You got over me, remember? DW You: Says who? CN Stranger: You were with someone else. DW You: Yeah, and why do you think he left? CN Stranger: Because he's an asshole. DW You: Well, yeah. But also that I kept waking up from nightmares and wanting to call you. Even if he was laid next to me. CN Stranger: No offence, but I don't wanna hear about you in bed with someone else, thanks. DW You: That's not what I .. Alright. CN Stranger: Thanks. DW You: We never slept together. CN Stranger: I don't want to hear it. Please. DW Stranger: It's none of my business anyway. DW Stranger: We're not together. It's your body. DW You: [no reply] Stranger: [delayed] Just. Long as you know. I can't judge. DW You: Oh. CN Stranger: Not that I have. Because I haven't. DW You: You haven't? CN Stranger: No. DW You: Okay. CN Stranger: Not that it matters. Either way. DW You: Hey, Dean. CN Stranger: Yeah? DW You: Is there even the smallest possible chance of you ever coming back? CN Stranger: I want you to be happy, Cas. DW You: Not what I asked. CN Stranger: That comes before what I want. DW You: Please just answer the question. CN Stranger: [delayed] You know how I feel about you. DW You: So, yes? CN Stranger: I don't wanna screw anything up. Screw you up. DW You: You can't screw me up anymore than I already am. CN Stranger: You're not screwed up. DW You: Sam had to come find me last night because I went out to drink and got lost. CN Stranger: Fuck. Are you okay? DW You: Yeah. Just making my point. CN Stranger: You were dumb last night, but you're not a screw up. DW You: You know how I said everyone thought I couldn't do it on my own? CN Stranger: Don't. You're stronger than you think. DW You: You always thought too highly of me. CN Stranger: No, I just know you. DW You: I'm not as great as you see me. CN Stranger: You are. You're everything, Cas. DW You: Only to you. CN Stranger: So who the fuck cares about anyone else? DW You: Because I don't have you anymore. CN Stranger: Goddamnit, Cas. I've always been yours. You could leave me and find someone else, be happier with him than me for the rest of your life, and I'd still be fucking yours. DW You: Then come back. CN Stranger: Are you sure you want me? DW You: Yes. CN Stranger: Then. Okay. DW You: Yeah? CN You: For good, I mean. Like, stay. CN Stranger: Stay? DW You: Yeah. CN Stranger: I'm in love with you, Cas. Just thought you should know. DW You: Fuck, it is so good to hear that. CN Stranger: You knew it already. DW You: I doubted it. CN Stranger: I dunno how you could. DW You: I'm in love with you. CN Stranger: Cas. Don't fucking leave me. Please. DW You: I would never. I promise. CN Stranger: I love you. DW You: Good. CN Stranger: [sorry, I need to get to bed, but this was fun! Have a good night (= ) Stranger has disconnected.

Destiel #38

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi! You both like destiel. You: [College AU] Cas and Dean broke up a couple weeks ago.] (3:53 am) I know you said you didn’t want anything to do with me but the nightmares are back and you’re the only one who can calm me down. CN Stranger: I thought you had someone who could come over, like the other night? DW You: People are starting to get bored of me. Nobody answers my calls anymore. CN Stranger: And the list isn't helping? DW You: No. Tried to do it, but without you here, it's pointless. CN Stranger: It's not pointless. You just have to start with the deep breaths. DW You: Already have. Maybe I should go for a walk. CN Stranger: This late at night? Don't be dumb. DW You: The fresh air might do me good. CN Stranger: Go stand at an open window, then. Or in the yard. DW You: Mm. Okay. I'll just sit outside. CN Stranger: Yeah. You don't need to put yourself in danger. DW You: Doubt I'd get murdered. I'm pretty threatening. CN Stranger: Since when are you threatening? DW You: Since always. CN Stranger: Since never. DW You: I'm very intimidating, I'll have you know. CN Stranger: I think you're finally dreaming again. DW You: Maybe not to badboy Winchester. But to others, I'm particularly frightening. CN Stranger: It's probably only because you glare and scowl all the time. DW You: People are annoying. CN Stranger: Yeah, but you never smile. DW You: Of course I did. CN Stranger: I can't remember the last time you smiled. DW You: You haven't seen me for weeks. CN Stranger: I'm talking about before then. DW You: I did smile. CN Stranger: I can't remember the last time you did. DW You: Shit was hard at the end. Wasn't much to smile about. CN Stranger: Forget it. It's not important. DW You: No, come on. This was our problem - we never talked. CN Stranger: It's not even about the end. You hardly ever smiled, period. DW You: I was happy. CN Stranger: Could've fooled me. DW You: That why you left? CN Stranger: We just weren't working. DW You: Better men than you have tried. CN Stranger: Gee, thanks for that. DW You: Just a phrase. CN Stranger: Sure. DW You: Think I'm moving back home. CN Stranger: Right. Well, you've gotta do what you've gotta do. Guess there's nothing keeping you here. DW You: Guess so. Mom is sick, and college isn't working out for me. Just think home's the best bet right now. CN Stranger: I hope your mom gets better. DW You: Thank you. I'll tell her. CN Stranger: Hopefully everything'll work out for you. DW You: Hopefully. Thought college would be great, you know? I loved school. CN Stranger: Yeah, well, sometimes things don't work out, as much as you want them to. DW You: That's shitty. The universe screws us over. CN Stranger: Dunno about that. Life's a bitch and then you die. DW You: Soon, hopefully. CN
Kidding. Just kidding. CN Stranger: Don't joke about shit like that. DW You: Sensitive. CN Stranger: Says you? Really? DW You: Okay, you have a point. CN
None of my brothers are coming home to see my mom. How dickish is that? CN Stranger: Yeah. Family should always come first. DW You: So now I have to go and face my dickhead of a dad alone, because my brothers are dicks and everyone is a dick. CN Stranger: I thought you were just gonna go and see your mom? DW You: He's living with her again. She couldn't look after herself with us all gone. I tried to get Luke to go back instead, but he wouldn't. CN Stranger: Then maybe you should just visit and let him look after her. DW You: I don't want him looking after her. I can do it. CN Stranger: Alright. Sorry. None of my business. DW You: You're the only one who knows what he was like, so kind of is. CN Stranger: No, I mean, I can't tell you how to live your life. I just forgot a second, I guess. DW You: Advice is welcome. CN Stranger: You should just do what you think is right. You're not happy at college, so, I dunno. DW You: Yeah. Guess so. CN
I'm gonna go drop out tomorrow. CN You: Today, technically. CN Stranger: Maybe you should just tell them you need a couple of weeks for your mom and think it over a while first. DW You: Missing a couple of weeks would put me miles behind anyway. And I'm already failing. CN You: I just want to leave. CN Stranger: Okay. Well. Guess that means this is a goodbye conversation. DW You: Worst conversation. CN Stranger: It's only me, Cas, it's not like it's a big deal. DW You: Only you. CN You: Sure. CN Stranger: So just, you know. Look after yourself and stuff. DW You: I'll try my best. CN Stranger: [slight delay] I'm glad I met you. I know we fucked up and we didn't work out, but... I dunno what I'm trying to say. There were good times, so, yeah. You were a good friend. Just thought you should know that. DW You: I wish we had. CN
Worked out. CN Stranger: It's probably better this way. You'd have left anyway and I still wouldn't have seen you again. DW You: No. I wouldn't have. CN Stranger: Yeah, you would. C'mon, Cas, you just liked the idea of being with someone, and I helped with your nightmares. That was all we had. DW You: You really believe that? CN You: That was all we had? CN Stranger: From your side, yeah. Look, it's not a big deal, I'm over it. DW You: If that's what you believe. CN Stranger: I'm not gonna fight with you again. DW You: You know when we moved in together, for the first four months, you thought I didn't have nightmares. You'd always wonder why they suddenly came on. "You never had any before this." But really, I just went and sat in the bathroom for hours until I'd calmed down and then came back, because I was so scared you'd freak out and leave me. CN Stranger: What? Jesus Christ, Cas, what the hell? How could you even think that? DW You: Because that's what my ex did. I loved you so much. It was never just me wanting to be with someone - I wanted to be with you. CN Stranger: You just went along with whatever I wanted. Like I was forcing you into everything. You never seemed happy. I just couldn't do it anymore. We were miserable. DW You: Just wanted to keep you happy. CN Stranger: It doesn't matter now. DW You: I know. I just had to tell you before I go. CN Stranger: Right. Well. It's dumb, because you'll go back home and meet up with whoever it was that you used to have feelings for and none of this'll ever matter. DW You: Okay, Dean. CN Stranger: You fucked me up, you know that? And you get to go, you get a big, fresh start, and I just get left here with the crap you've left behind. DW You: Big, fresh start. I'm going to live with my /dad/, in a house I hate, with my sick mother. Because I'm too fucking sad to stay here. CN
Forgive me for rubbing it in your face about how wonderful my life is going to be. CN Stranger: That's your decision, no one else's. You don't get to put that on me. DW You: I never said it was on you. CN
Stop taking everything so personally. CN You: It's not my decision. You said it yourself, family comes first. CN Stranger: You know what? Fine. It's nothing to do with me. You just texted because there was no one else useful around. You don't need me yammering about any bullshit you don't care about. Goodnight, Castiel. DW You: Stop. CN Stranger: I just have. Goodnight. DW You: [delayed] Goodnight, Dean. I'm going to give your things to Charlie tomorrow. CN Stranger: I don't want them. DW You: What about all the pictures you left here? Should I throw them too? CN Stranger: They're yours. You want to throw them out, that's up to you. DW You: Course it is. I'll just make all the decisions. CN Stranger: If you don't want them, just throw them in the trash. DW You: That's what you do, right? CN Stranger: Excuse me? DW You: Night, Dean. CN Stranger: What the fuck was that supposed to mean? DW You: I'm not fucking arguing with you. CN Stranger: Too fucking late. DW You: Fuck off. CN Stranger: Yeah. Can't wait for me to just get gone like I did the last time. Shouldn't be surprised. DW You: Me neither. I mean, it must've been too much for you. When I'd do whatever you asked, always tried to keep you happy. That must've been terrible. CN Stranger: Yeah. It's not like I actually wanted someone to want something for themselves, or to actually show some emotion or not make me feel like I was forcing myself on them, like they were a fucking machine. DW You: Well, I'm so fucking sorry. Find someone who's not fucked up - that will show you emotion and want something that isn't just you. Knock yourself out. Have the best fucking time. CN Stranger: You didn't want me. You just wanted a walking, talking protector from your nightmares. Long as I was useful, right, Castiel? DW You: God, you got it. That's why I hid it for four months. You're so smart, Dean. Please bestow some of that knowledge onto me. CN Stranger: You know what fucking gets me? You talk about loving me and wanting me to be happy, but when I went to walk out that door, you didn't say a damn word. You couldn't give a fuck about us. DW You: It wasn't my place to say anything. You wasn't happy. You wanted to leave. I let you. CN Stranger: Yeah. Because nothing makes a guy feel wanted like the guy he loves not giving a shit one way or the other. DW You: I did love you, Dean. CN You: Even though.. everything. I still did. CN Stranger: Whatever. Good luck back home. DW You: Thanks. I'll need it. CN Stranger: Since I'll never see you again, may as well say it now. You broke my fucking heart, Cas. So. Have a nice life. DW You: Right back at ya. CN Stranger: [no reply] You: [next day - 3:26 pm] Your ACDC CD is under your door matt. I know you said you didn't want anything, but it's your signed one. Charlie has your favourite sweater - I couldn't throw it away. She also has my laptop and all my college books to give to Sam. I think that's everything. CN Stranger: Just tell her to keep it. I can't deal with any of that. I already told you no. DW You: What about the Sam stuff? CN Stranger: No. I can't, alright? I just can't. DW You: I'm giving him that stuff. He needs a laptop for college. CN Stranger: I'm working and saving. He'll get what he needs. DW You: [delayed] Right. I'll donate them back to the college then. CN Stranger: Good. DW You: [no reply] Stranger: Just... tell Charlie to throw the sweater away. I can't have reminders of you. DW You: Okay. CN Stranger: Right. Thanks. DW You: No problem, Dean. CN
So. I'm going. CN Stranger: Yeah, I know. DW You: I'll see you around, okay? Look after yourself. Good luck with your finals. CN Stranger: Don't say shit like that. DW You: Shit like what? CN Stranger: I'll see you around. We'll never see each other again. DW You: Okay. I'll never see you around. Look after yourself. Good luck with your finals. CN Stranger: Just. Don't pretend you care. I don't wanna deal with it. DW You: I do - You know what, never mind. Good luck with your finals. CN Stranger: No, you don't. I take it back. I fucking wish I'd never met you. How fucking dare you, Novak. Just. Fuck you. Fuck everything. DW You: Alright. Goodbye, Dean. CN Stranger: I fucking love you and you just couldn't give one flying shit. DW Stranger: Forget it. DW You: I'm tired of this. I've tried to tell you. You don't want to hear it. Let me go. CN Stranger: Then go. DW You: [no reply] Stranger: [no reply] You: [a week later] Dean, you're never going to guess what happened today! SW Stranger: What? DW You: School decided to gift the most promising student with a new laptop, and a ton of college books. Some of them aren't that relevant to what I want to do, but some are perfect! How great is that? SW You: Oh, they picked me. I left that bit out. Haha. SW Stranger: [slight delay] What kind of laptop? DW You: A macbook!!! It's only an old model, but it's perfect. SW Stranger: Oh. That's great, Sam. DW You: I know. I'm so excited to try it out. Got to get back to homework now, on my new laptop :) SW Stranger: Alright. Knock yourself out. DW You: [no reply] Stranger: [to Cas] Well, your fucking laptop and books ended up with Sam anyway, so score one to you. DW
Fuck it, I know you're not gonna reply. DW
Now every time I see that stupid fucking machine I'll remember you. Fucking awesome. DW You: I took them to the school. Told them to give it to the most deserving student. CN Stranger: I didn't think you'd reply. I shouldn't have texted. DW You: Okay. CN Stranger: But of course it had to be Sam that would get it. Because fuck everything. DW You: Dean, sorry. I'm just really tired, right now. Can we do this later? CN Stranger: No, it's fine. It's my problem, not yours. I'll lose your number. DW You: Alright. Thanks.CN Stranger: [no reply] You: [8:11 pm] Awake. Would you like to talk about it? CN Stranger: Not really. Sorry. Won't bother you again. DW You: It's okay. You don't have to apologise. CN You: Didn't mean to overstep. With Sam. CN Stranger: No, it's not. You agreed that I should lose your number, so I'll delete it. We're over. We're not even friends. You don't need some random guy's bullshit. DW You: I was running on two hours sleep in four days. I was just tired. CN Stranger: You were right. DW You: Dean - CN You: My dad's home. Sorry. I've gotta go. CN Stranger: Goodbye, Cas. DW You: Yeah. CN Stranger: [no reply] You: [1:00 am] I can't remember if you stitch through the side or upwards. CN You: Like, across the wound or up and over. CN You: I can't remember. CN Stranger: Criss-cross one side to another. Why? DW You: Thank you. CN Stranger: What happened? DW You: [no reply] Stranger: For fuck's sake, just answer me! DW You: You know what happened. CN Stranger: You can't be there. You need to get out now. DW You: My mom's getting worse. I can't. CN Stranger: Yeah, well, she's not going to be the only dead Novak if you stay. DW You: Dean. CN Stranger: And it's not like she even did anything to protect you from him in the first place. DW You: She tried. CN Stranger: Fuck did she try. DW You: She's still my mom. None of my brothers will come back. You know I can't leave. CN Stranger: Yeah, you can. And none of your brothers will go back because they know what's good for them. DW You: No, they're just cowards. CN Stranger: You know that's bullshit. DW You: She's dying. CN Stranger: I don't care. DW Stranger: I'm sorry, but I don't. DW You: Well, I do. CN Stranger: She's willing to let him hurt you. DW You: She's too weak to stop him. CN Stranger: Has she told you to leave? DW You: [delayed] No. CN Stranger: Yeah, thought so. DW You: Maybe she doesn't know he's doing it again. CN Stranger: Right. Sure. DW You: I can't, De. CN Stranger: Yes you can. DW Stranger: For once in your life, just do something that'll make you happy. DW You: I have nowhere to go. CN Stranger: You can crash in my dorm until you get on your feet. DW You: Dean. That's not a good idea. CN Stranger: I'll go crash at someone else's place. I'll keep out of your way. DW You: I'm not kicking you out of your dorm. CN
I can start looking for apartments or something. CN Stranger: Just stay in my dorm until you find something. You won't even see me. DW You: It's not about seeing you. I'm not going to kick you out of your own room. CN
There's a ton of places for sale, I'm sure. And I have some money saved. CN Stranger: Just, whatever, get out of there. DW You: [quick reply] I have to go. CN Stranger: Okay. Go. DW You: [an hour later] Your dorm will do fine. CN Stranger: Okay. Are you on your way now? DW You: Yeah. CN You: I can't believe I've just left her. CN Stranger: You did the right thing. DW You: If she dies - CN Stranger: Then she'll die knowing that she let her kid be abused one last time. DW You: Stop it, Dean. Please. CN Stranger: Just. Don't think about it right now. DW You: Okay. Okay. I'll be there soon. CN Stranger: I'll get the stuff I need and drop the spare key off with Charlie for you. DW You: [delayed] You don't have to go. CN Stranger: It's better if I do. DW You: Right. Yeah. I just - would like some company. But I'll ask Charlie. CN You: To stay over. If that's okay? CN Stranger: Yeah. It's your place for however long you need it, so, yeah. DW You: Why are you doing this? CN You: Where are you going to go? CN Stranger: Doing what? DW Stranger: Don't worry about it. DW You: Letting me have your place. Literally moving out so that I can move in. CN You: You're not living in Baby. CN Stranger: Because otherwise, you might die over there, and it's the only thing I can do. DW You: No. I refuse. You stay. We'll just co-exist awkwardly. CN Stranger: I can't, alright? Just trust me. I'm fine. DW You: I'll turn around and go home. CN Stranger: Don't be fucking stupid. DW You: Then stay. CN Stranger: It's a bad idea. I'll see if Benny has some space. DW You: It's going to take me at least a week or two to find a place. You're not sleeping in your car that whole time. CN Stranger: I just said I'd ask Benny. Don't worry about it. DW You: If I find you living in that car, even once, I'll go home. CN Stranger: Okay, fine. I just don't think it's a good idea us living together. DW You: Yeah, but if we need to, we'll have to. CN Stranger: I'll figure something out. Don't worry. DW You: Alright. Do you have pills at your place? CN Stranger: No. No fucking drugs. DW You: Dean. It hurts. Just want to forget for a while. CN Stranger: Then take painkillers. DW You: That doesn't make you forget. CN Stranger: You're asking Charlie to go and spend time with you, right? You'll have a distraction. DW You: Fine. CN Stranger: No drugs in the dorm. None. DW You: Alright, alright. No drugs in the dorm. CN Stranger: I'm serious. DW You: I won't. CN Stranger: Swear. DW You: Promise. CN Stranger: Okay. Good. DW You: Alcohol? CN Stranger: I can't be a hypocrite. DW You: Okay. Good. CN Stranger: There's some jack under my pillow. DW You: Not going to ask. Thank you. CN Stranger: It's alright. DW You: [few hours later] M'here. CN Stranger: You got in to the dorm safely? DW You: Yeah. Charlie couldn't stay but she gave me the key. CN Stranger: Shit. I dunno who else is around. Garth's on some shitty camping trip. DW You: It's alright. I'll manage. CN Stranger: I'd ask Benny, but he's away for a couple of weeks seeing his girlfriend. DW You: Dean. I'm fine alone. CN Stranger: Okay. Well, look, you've got my number if you need anything. DW You: Painkillers? CN Stranger: Cabinet beside the sink. DW You: Thank you. You at Benny's? CN Stranger: No. He's away. I'm figuring something else out. DW You: I'm not sleeping until you do. CN Stranger: Cas, it's fine. You don't need to worry about me, remember? DW You: Of course I do. CN You: What about Kevin's? CN Stranger: Kevin's roommate's an asshole that can't stand me. DW
And of course you don't. I dunno why you're so insistent about this. DW You: Jo? CN
Because I do worry about you. CN Stranger: Well, you don't have to. Just take your painkillers and go get some rest. DW You: Not until I know you're safe. CN Stranger: Please don't. DW You: I'm just going to sit here and wait. CN Stranger: Cas, please. DW You: Not taking my painkillers. CN You: Suffering. CN You: In pain. CN Stranger: I've got my baby for tonight, and I'll find a place tomorrow, and if I don't, I'll find a cheap motel. DW You: Come home for tonight. CN Stranger: Don't say it like that, okay? DW Stranger: It's just one night. Go rest. DW You: Come back to your dorm for tonight. CN Stranger: Cas, I can't. I'm sorry. DW You: [delayed] Alright. I'm going to go make friends with Jack and then sleep. Be careful. CN Stranger: Okay. Thanks. DW You: [2:11 am] Are you safe? CN Stranger: Yeah. Go back to sleep. DW You: Okay. You need to work on the comfiness of your couch. CN Stranger: Why are you on the couch? I changed the sheets for you. DW You: Your bed? CN Stranger: Well, yeah. DW You: Um. No, the couch is fine. CN Stranger: I changed the sheets. DW You: The couch is fine. CN Stranger: It's a bed and you're hurt. DW You: Too many memories. CN Stranger: Oh. Right. At least take the pillows. DW You: I'm fine. Just need another dose of painkillers and I'll be out. CN Stranger: Okay. Just rest, best you can. DW You: Can I put the TV on? CN Stranger: You can do whatever you want. It's your place as long as you need it. DW You: [delayed] Do you still love me? CN Stranger: You should go back to sleep. DW You: That's the only reason you'd do something like this. Nobody else would ever do this for me. I mean, you're living in a car, for god sake. CN Stranger: Look, it doesn't matter, so please just rest. You need it after today. DW You: I love you, too. CN Stranger: [delayed] There should be enough food in for a couple of days for you, so just help yourself. Forgot to say. DW You: [delayed] Alright. Thanks. CN Stranger: Night, Cas. DW You: [no reply] Stranger: [9am] Just wanted to check and make sure you were alright. DW You: Still alive. CN Stranger: Okay. Don't go crazy on the painkillers. DW You: I won't. Enjoy class. CN Stranger: Not in class until this afternoon. DW You: Oh, well. Enjoy your morning. CN Stranger: Right. Sorry. You don't need me checking up on you. DW You: No, I do. I'm a mess, to be honest. CN You: Just thought you'd have better things to do. CN Stranger: I just wanna make sure you're safe. DW You: I'm safe. A little high on painkillers, so sleepy. And watching Toy Story. CN Stranger: That's a good one. DW You: It's a great one. CN Stranger: Haven't seen it in forever. DW You: Come watch it. CN Stranger: It's not a good idea. DW You: Okay. CN You: Are we ever going to see each other again? CN Stranger: It's too hard. DW You: Ever? CN Stranger: I just need time to get over you. DW You: [delayed] Okay. CN You: Do you want to get over me? CN Stranger: What kind of question is that? DW You: I just - if we both still like each other.. CN Stranger: But we weren't happy. We fucked everything up. DW You: We're both pretty fucked up now. Can't hurt. CN Stranger: You're hurting. I'm not gonna make it worse because I'm selfish. DW You: Can't be worse. CN You: I want this. CN Stranger: [delayed] Okay. DW You: Yeah? We can just try. CN Stranger: Yeah. Try to be normal. DW You: Friends first. Build it up. CN Stranger: Right. Yeah. Good idea. DW You: I'm happy. CN You: Didn't tell you that enough last time. CN Stranger: Let's just, I dunno, start over. As friends. Keep some distance. DW You: Okay. Friends. CN You: Distance might be a bit hard - I kind of live in your dorm. CN Stranger: I meant no touching. No temptation. DW You: Hm. Might be even harder. CN Stranger: No, it'll be fine. We can do it. DW You: Okay. We can do it. CN Stranger: [I'm sorry, I need to go to bed, but this was fun!] You: [No worries, I have to go, too! Thanks for this :)] You have disconnected.