NY was an experience

iPhone 13 photography during a hot girl walk… nature is beautiful

Early March

It's so hard for me to confess actual true feelings because I'm so afraid of disappointing people and not being perfect. I'm afraid of it being backfired but you know I'm entitled to my feelings. I am independent. If he doesn't like what I have to say then ok, leave. I am ok. I will always be ok. I am entitled to my feelings. Granted it is my life and I should've said something but I'm a spontaneous person. I know he has alot going on and I'm not gonna be a stuck up bitch at this time. So no more. I have to start thinking through consequences of my actions, this is not ok. I admit this is 99% on me. Also doesn't help my hormones are going crazy. All I want is to be content. Not even happy because I know I KNOW there's alot going on in my head if you can't tell. Why do I keep thinking of woa woa when I'm sad? What would he say in this situation? He'll be like ay ni mo yeah and just listen to me tbh never was much of a talker. I literally told myself I wasn't going to cry because I just put on my skincare but the water works literally started.

Late February

Dude you can't deny this type of sadness. You just can't. There are some things he will never understand, it's weird I don't feel better I just feel worse and imagine my bleek future. I can't even describe how I'm feeling to be honest with you. No doubt I like Ryan there are obviously great things about him as a person and as a partner. But I can't help feel like it's not enough and maybe that I am a bitch for thinking that. I don't know if it's just a now thing because of MBA and pandemic. Like I said before I wish he asked more about me. I want him to remember the things I said and did and ask about mama and the abode. Cuz at the end this is why I am still alive, the only thing I'm living for. I wish he was a little more considerate asking me if I need help and really being present with me. Although J wasn't like that either but somehow always made me feel better. I think it was his unconditional love that did it for me. He saw every which side.

via weheartit

“I’m surrounded by distractions. I haven’t found a way to block all the sounds that pound away in my head. I sit there whilst they circulate around my mind. As a result, I procrastinate until I hate myself for being unable to create something that I love.”

— @fidds6

“For Your Love” Wisconsin Horizons by Phil Koch, turning landscapes in to natural portraits. http://phil-koch.artistwebsites.com/

Netherlands

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