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ofmd12verse Day 1 (slam): wait until you hear about my life as an accountant
This is a slam poem that I wrote and recorded for day 1 of the OFMD poetry challenge. It is cringe, but at least it's free?
Interior crocodile, alligator
I drive a Chevrolet… calculator
You can call me Jeff, Jeff the accountant,
A veritable fountain
Of figures and numbers, my countenance
It’s fancy, high-class
Your rich ass can’t cope with the great sass
First pass: an explanation
I’m here for my consultation
Some social navigation
A trading of reputation
I’ve brought a friend with me
For your consideration
Godfrey Thornrose
Killer legs underneath those panty-hose
He’s a fancy man, he has a fancy ship
And his occupation?
It’s a real trip
Phrenologist, sometime sociologist
Probably needs a therapist
You don’t need the dissertation
Yeah, it’s true he sometimes calls me Id
But if you try the same?
You may be did
You’re welcome for that grand illumination
And so it is with great resignation
That I tell you about myself and my station
Born on a beach, or so the stories say
Went through hell, accountant school,
I was no fool, I was the master,
I counted faster, preventing payroll disasters
Outlasted everyone else, became the best
Multi-talented, handsome, dressed to impress
In need of my services? Make your choice
I’ll blow your damn mind, then I’ll send you the invoice
It’s no complication
I understand your abject fascination
With my supreme dedication
But please, please:
Calm your excitation
I promise there’s enough of Jeff to go around
“Oh Jeff, would you summer in Paris?
Of course you would, you disgust me, Jeff.
Summering in Paris is so gauche
I detest the French
Even though I have a French accent
Even though I’m Prussian”
I killed a Prussian once
Don’t make it twice
I’ll use whatever fork I want
And you’d better play nice
Secrets, you all have them, you freaks
Oh là là, you think you’re si chics
All critique and no technique
But I know the truth
Vous n'êtes pas enfants uniques
You all with your wigs
Too much lipstick on too many pigs
Being subjected to you is the true degradation
You lack class, you lack brains, education
And while I’m amused by your passive aggressive communication
I think it’s time to end this bad conversation
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OFMD Decembverse 2022 Challenge
Hello everyone, and welcome to OFMD Decembverse! It’s time to try our hand at some poetry. Please read the entire thread before participating! Our hashtag: #ofmd12verse (alternate: #ofmddecembverse).
First, link to the ao3 collection for this event: https://archiveofourown.org/collections/ofmd12verse22/profile
Official Twitter for this event:
OFMD Decembverse (@ofmd12verse) / TwitterOFMD Poetry Prompt Challenge for December 2022.TWITTER
Information:
OFMD Decembverse is a month-long prompt-based challenge to write some poetry for your fandom. Poetry is seen as something intimidating and “not for people like us” to most people, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Poetry is for everyone.
Each day of December will have two prompts associated with it: A type of poetry (with instructions provided for how to write it) and a lesser-known quote from the show Our Flag Means Death that you can use as inspiration.
You do not have to follow either prompt if you do not want to. You can choose to focus only on the poetry type or the quote, or say screw it and write the poetry you want, how you want. If it’s a poem related to OFMD (or that uses these prompts), it qualifies for this challenge.
This challenge is taking place on Ao3, Twitter, and Tumblr.
Note: Some of these poetry styles (such as Shi) were developed to only work well in certain languages. I will be posting ways to adapt these to English for those who are interested. I don’t think poetry should have to be Euro-centric just because this is a predominantly English-speaking fandom.
Prompt List:
Day 1: Slam: “Wait until you hear about my life as an accountant.”
Day 2: Ballad: “I loves me a thief.”
Day 3: Sonnet (Iambic Pentameter): “The love of a pet makes a man weak.”
Day 4: Pastoral: “We’re gonna have fun today, and that’s an order.”
Day 5: Terza Rima: “If I can help this crew grow as people, then I’ve succeeded in being a pirate captain.”
Day 6: Ottava Rima: “You should have stayed still, that’s kinda on you.”
Day 7: Enclosed rhyme: “The rest was just gravity.”
Day 8: Soliloquy: “So this whole time you were a woman?”
Day 9: Blank Verse: “I’ve got more riches than you can shake a fucking stick at!”
Day 10: Free Verse: “I never said that they floated.”
Day 11: Ode: “You all look the same, you know.”
Day 12: Lyric: “Is this all there is?”
Day 13: Ballade (not the same as Ballad): “A widow’s life isn’t nearly as bad as it’s made out to be.”
Day 14: Villanelle: “Mutiny is a-brewin’.”
Day 15: Narrative Poetry: “I can’t believe you made me do this.”
Day 16: Dissonance: “Since we’re on the subject of bad vibes…”
Day 17: Assonance: “We love an audience.”
Day 18: Satirical: “I’m a dirty, filthy murderer!”
Day 19: Haiku (or Tanka): “And you cried all the time, and liked to pick flowers.”
Day 20: Elegy: “Murder is a natural cause.”
Day 21: Imagery: “We could’ve made magic.”
Day 22: Alliteration: “Knives are knives, meat’s meat.”
Day 23: Free Verse: “I heard the most insane rumor.”
Day 24: Couplet: “You don’t get food if you’ve been invaded.”
Day 25: Shi Poetry (see guide for English interpretation of rules): “I’m the Black Cat of Death.”
Day 26: Fable: “Read it and weep, my friend! Adventure awaits!”
Day 27: Ghazal: “God’s not a fan.”
Day 28: Limerick: “The vengeancer and the vengeancee.”
Day 29: Tercet: “You’ll sign a confession to that extent, hmm?”
Day 30: Monorhyme: “Avast ye!”
Day 31: Epic: “My Wondrous Journey: A Life at Sea.”
Rules:
1. Please tag properly and liberally for common/reasonable triggers. Mark explicit verse as explicit for those of us who browse social media at work.
2. No racism/homophobia/transphobia that isn’t both tagged AND used in the storytelling process (such as to express discomfort with these concepts or to show characters being victims of these concepts).
3. If your poetry is explicit, tag that shit please!
4. Don’t worry about getting it perfectly right, poetry is about expressing yourself and feeling free as fuck while doing it.
Frequently Asked Questions:
What if I've never written poetry before/am not very good?
Poetry is one of the oldest art forms in the world. People used poetry to pass down wisdom, stories, and share their culture before they could write. It is truly for everyone, including you. It has a stereotype for being gatekept and that only certain people can appreciate it, but I promise that that is a lie. If you can type words, you can do this.
Do I have to participate in every day/prompt?
No, and it's likely that it will be really difficult to keep up with them all. Do what speaks to you and makes you happy.
What if I don't want to make the kind of poetry in that day's prompt?
Then screw it, pick another kind that speaks to you. This challenge is supposed to help you learn to express yourself in different ways, but if you can't express yourself properly through a haiku or a sonnet, do something else that speaks to you. All poetry is good poetry.
Do I have to follow the quote prompt for each day?
No. Some people don't know where to begin, so I've provided quotes from the show that generally aren't used/referenced much in fandom. But if you have a better idea you are obligated to use that one instead, because again, expressing yourself through verse is the most important part.
Do my poems have to rhyme?
No, not all poetry rhymes, and some kinds explicitly don't.
Can my poetry be explicit/sexy?
Hell yeah. Just tag that shit, please.
Can I participate by writing for other fandoms?
Yes! While this challenge was created with OFMD in mind, all fandoms could use a nice injection of verse in them. All I ask is that you use at least one of the prompts for that day (be it the poetry type or quote) so it relates to this challenge in some way. I know that many people also write for WWDITS and those fandoms are more than welcome here. I purposely chose quotes that aren't a direct reference to characters in the show so that you could branch out.
Do I have to write a poem about the exact context of the quote?
No, absolutely not. It can be about anything. The quote is just there to get your juices flowing.
Where can I post my work?
Ao3: This collection is the place to post it.
Twitter: Use the tag #ofmd12verse OR #ofmdDecembverse (the first one is neater in my opinion). The main account will retweet works under those tags.
Tumblr: Use the tag #ofmd12verse OR #ofmdDecembverse (the first one is neater in my opinion). The main account will reblog works under those tags.
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