:(

James Patterson needs to be put down

Me when I make two ocs that are basically just maximum ride rip pffs I cannot escape the hold James Patterson had on me

As they should! My books are certainly obsession worthy ;)

My friends and I had to escape the palace of a terrible dragon. We managed to sneak out after distracting them with the works of James Patterson, which they obsessed over.

I sure don’t. What’s it about?

Was writing down ideas for aus as I do and. Y'all know I combine random media with Encanto. And like.

Does anyone remember Maximum Ride or am I delusional. Because I swear my cousin had those books when I was like in 5th or 6th grade 😭

:(

next year james patterson is slapping his name on a book called "the secret lives of booksellers and librarians," which is real bold considering that every bookseller and librarian that i've met in my time as a bookseller and librarian absolutely loathes him. including me.

Don’t worry, Rowan birdlord5000! This is going to be a really great read!

next year james patterson is slapping his name on a book called "the secret lives of booksellers and librarians," which is real bold considering that every bookseller and librarian that i've met in my time as a bookseller and librarian absolutely loathes him. including me.

That's very kind of you to say! But I must ask. What is an..."RPer"?

People think it’s difficult working in a library, but all you need to know is where the ‘p’ is in each section and you’ll be able to put in all your James Patterson books in place in no time

I just started reading Stormbite and aaahhhh I love it! Like James Patterson done better without the weird chapter spacing ❤️😂 will we get a book about your pegasi species? I also wanna thank you for your art because you actually inspired me to kinda try and do a semi-accurate version of my winged human-Cybertronian oc.

!!!! I'm glad you like it and that its inspiring you !!!;o;!!!!

I don't know about anything for pegasi at the moment writing wise, but drawing will just be fun little doodles here and there v ov

I work so hard on all of my books, though. :(

Hate the Maximum Ride series I hate it. It had so much potential but James Patterson wouldn’t know consistency if it hit him in the face. Like the part where the gang went to Antartica? It felt like I had missed a book with how much had happened. And Izzy’s mom going from dead to actually being married and thinking he was dead? Whack. Within a couple of chapters too like. I could be remembering wrong but what kind of inconsistency was that?

I've never read this series, but because my brain is utterly broken, I have watched multiple hours long videos about it. And even then, with all that knowledge, having it all condensed down to it's most straightforward and coherent, I could in no way give you a cohesive plot summary. Like, I think they stop the apocalypse, stop the climate crisis, and then it doesn't matter because the apocalypse happens anyway? Maybe? I don't know.

I don't think even James Patterson knows.

I'm starting to think he's not even a real person. Just every now and then, a book appears in the world with that name on it. It never goes to an editor, no publishing house actually handles it, it's never even been to a printer. It just appears in bookstores and we as a society just don't question it

I told her a dream I hadn’t even realized yet,

That I wanted to be James Patterson.

I want some college kid to walk into a bookstore and wonder why the fuck I’ve written so many books,

How I have the time in the day,

How I can even come up with the ideas,

How I managed to get every single bookstore to carry my words.

I want to be a bookstore cryptid.

What? She makes very good music!

JAMES PATTERSON OMG

mentioned it in an earlier post, but i might literally rewrite maximum ride for james patterson.

er. something similar.

you see, as a writer who was obsessed with this series in middle school, but still perceived its flaws (why did angel get so mf op??? why was the series drawn out SO long???), i wanted to write something similar, but i was scared to. the vibe was SO specific, it seemed impossible not to “copy.”

(and to clarify, by “similar,” i mean found family labrats fighting to survive, not the exact same premise verbatim.)

but i realized recently… james patterson does NOT own that premise, especially with a series like maximum ride. i’ll always have a special place in my heart for it, but when the author can’t even remember the main character’s hair color — yeah, it’s not GOOD.

so, why don’t i go ahead?? keep my favorite things — the vibes and the banter — and make it more concise, more emotional, more sensical, and of course, creepy as hell.

might share more as i get a better idea of what i want to do.

Did anyone else read the Maximum Ride books as a kid and completely forget about it as an adult? It feels like a fever dream and the only reason I remember it is when I occasionally see the books and manga in my boxes of stuff.

That was a James Patterson book I think...he definitely has a habit of writing books for kids that are good but overall flat in the end which is sad because Maximum Ride was a great premise from what I still remember.

This post is incorrect. I AM the real James Patterson. Do not be fooled by blogs telling you that I'm not real. They're the liars, not me. I even have "official" in my name.

this post is not going to reach its intended audience but i NEED people on tumblr to remember that tumblr users impersonate people for the bit. the firefox official blog is not the actual firefox company. the five james patterson blogs can't all be james patterson. this isn't twitter, nobody's "official" here.

i love duologies and trilogies yasss end in a timely manner

It’s so lovely that someone would compare me to a franchise as great as Toy Story! I’m so glad you enjoy my work so much and I hope to continue creating content people like!

I'm bored. Let's do some author slander