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odaslain-blog · 5 years

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MITSUHIDE’S LIFE IS FILLED WITH REGRETS. he regrets believing so wholly in nobunaga’s ambition, realizing far too late that peace and unification were not worth such cruelty. he regrets the fates of lord nagamasa, and the takeda, and of all the innocent people needlessly slaughtered by their hands --- by his hand. he regrets the way his hands are stained red, regrets all those who perished due to his betrayal, regrets that ranmaru had to die.

he regrets forcing hideyoshi’s hand ( but he had to see his betrayal through to the end ! ), regrets risking motochika’s life, regrets risking akkorō’s. he regrets that he would not be safe unless the world thought he was dead, regrets that motochika and akkorō had to believe this, as well.

off on his own, he had thought he would find peace. but, he is haunted by his regrets, tormented by them. masked, hidden, in a small home in the middle of a small village, his only reprieve is the shamisen he purchased for himself with what little of his stipend he had left, has taught himself the songs that motochika dedicated to him, has taught himself the lullaby he would play for akkorō to relieve him of his night terrors.

the loneliness is still unbearable, and mitsuhide knows it is impossible to hope to outlive all those who wanted him dead for his betrayal, and hard to hope that motochika and akkorō have both moved on when he wants so badly to see them again.

he knows akkorō serves the toyotomi now, just as he knows the chōsokabe have submitted to hideyoshi, and now ally themselves with him. he knows the risks associated with sneaking into the toyotomi main camp ------ and he finds himself a miracle, in the form of hideyoshi’s former page, mitsunari. ( he remembers him when he was just a boy, when he and akkorō both were that age. he wonders if mitsunari remains an expert on tea ; he wonders how grown akkorō must be. )

he is certain that he has taken mitsunari by surprise --- but he realizes quickly into his conversation with him that he will be allowed in with little trouble.

lord mitsuhide ------ our scouts said they saw your corpse. regrettably, that was a decoy. please. i only wish to see akkorō. i don’t want to create trouble. i ... i understand. lord hideyoshi is away. you will find no trouble here. i will show you to his study. if akkorō is not there presently, he will be shortly. you have my gratitude.

and so within his study mitsuhide sat, waited for his son to arrive. and above all other regrets, when he witnesses the way the young man reacts to his presence, he regrets how deeply he has hurt his family.

his chest tightens, requires more effort to breathe evenly, and he is so wracked with guilt that asks himself how he could have allowed any of this to happen, how he could have allowed akkorō to blame himself for so long.

you visit me every day — in my dreams, my nightmares, my every waking moment. / you always bring rice cakes. they always turn to sand between my fingers — or blood, if i am being especially cruel to myself.

akkorō is so unfazed by his arrival, is so expectant that he is merely a spectre, a trick in his mind, that it physically hurts. what a cruel world that they live in, for someone so young to feel such an inner turmoil, to blame themselves so harshly for something so far beyond their control ! he prays for akkorō’s health. he prays for motochika’s.

“ akkorō ------ ”

i miss you, mitsuhide — unbearably so. the loss of you is everywhere. / do you visit father as you do me ? / that is all that matters to me anymore: my father’s happiness. i must do what i can to right the wrong that i have done to him.

“ listen to me, akkorōkamui. you have done no wrong. ” his fingers are furled into fists upon his lap, wants so desperately to reach out to the boy and hold him like he used to after a bad dream, wants to reassure him that he is okay and everything will be okay. and this time, he wants to believe in it.

“ you did not fail me, or him. i escaped, akkorō, and i have remained in hiding since. but even if i hadn’t, it would not have been your fault. it was out of your control. you must believe me. ” he swallows, blinks back tears. “ i am so sorry to have hurt you and your father so deeply. i - i ... regret --- ” everything. “ but it was not safe for me to find you both. ”

he bows his head, low, ashamed.

“ i understand if you cannot forgive me. i only wanted to see you again. ” @labyrithn

#labyrithn #omggggg it is So Hard to find caps of a Sad Mitsuhide like hes smiling or looking Content in almost All of his chronicle events #except for One Singular Moment when he got all Mad Concerned bcus hisahide was pretending to be attacked #rip #anyway I Am Emo

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