I'm genuinely so fucking miserable i can't even see

Lol pictures of me from today activated my eating disorder so bad.....i need to lose thirty lbs

I'm so gross genuinely it's disgusting

If there was such a thing as the afterlife i would have shot myself already

Every woman i've been friends with has made fun of how i look, what i wear, how i talk, how i write, and what i like. It's gotten to the point where i can't even trust friendliness, because it's always laced with insults. I don't know what i've done to deserve this. I want to have real friends that care about me and that i can trust and have fun with. I don't think i've ever experienced that.

I'm always being mocked and ostracized by other women. It feels like everything i am is used against me as an insult. I'm afraid to try and be friends with people. I've always wanted a big group of friends, and after my rape, i wanted to feel comfort in the presence and friendship of other women, but it was never possible. It feels like being mocked and cut down is my destiny.

I am so depressed it's crazy. It feels like any bad thing anyone has ever said is about me

I never want to kill myself more than when i talk to my mom 💗

I want to be someone people admire and want to be friends with

The people who know i have done sex work truly just don’t know what it’s like. They think i’m like some unquenchable sex demon when the whole thing was just insecure middle aged men fondling me and cumming fast and comparing me to their daughter. Like i barely had to do anything. And most of my bad sexual experiences came from sex work. I started doing it to “reclaim” my sexuality after i was raped but it just made me infinitely worse lmao. So i hate when people act like i’m some kind of succubus or evil bitch just because i fucked for money five years ago. But i’ll always be honest about it because i want people to reveal who they really are

Does anyone actually find me attractive or do they just see a body

Horrible, horrible nightmares

This just isn’t riiiiiiight why am i still gaining weight????? I barely ate all day!!!!!

You know what is really annoying as fuck is that my mom keeps insisting that racism and ableism are 1 to 1 in their forms of discrimination and they’re really not at all. I get she’s trying to relate to me but our experiences are not the same and what are solutions to her problems are NOT solutions to mine. She told me to disclose my autism to my employer and i said no because they just won’t hire me. In her mind, she thinks it will give me a leg up because employers like to “diversify” their workplace for tax credits. In my experience, employers will not hire anyone they are aware has a disability and I’ve always secured work by hiding it. Maybe that works with voluntarily listing your race, but definitely not your disability. I said maybe after i’m hired i’ll tell them i have tourette’s because it would actually be beneficial for me since it gets worse when i’m nervous (people have assumed i’m on drugs because of twitching). She said no that’s too weird. Lmao

Trying to transition my thought process from “why would that person say this about me” to “what a weird person to talk badly about someone without knowing them” because the former has no answer that will help me

It hurts so much that other people can believe in love

Unfortunately i still have depression