saying something you know will make people laugh. And they do laugh.

you just know when someone in customer service says “thank you for your patience!!!!” they’re fighting for their lives that day

We failed as a society when everyone stopped wearing headphones.

Sailor Moon fanart 🌙

I left my YouTube on autoplay while I've been working and somehow ended up listening to a true crime thing and I would be absolutely fucked in a police interrogation.

"Repetition and forgetfulness during storytelling are signs of guilt," the detective says with certainty.

Worstie, you can ask me the same question multiple times in a row, and I will think of new details to tell you each time while simultaneously forgetting everything else I previously told you. That doesn't mean I murdered Karen, it just means I've got mental illness and ADHD.

ra ra rasputin something something sour cream

My partner got me to watch JoJo's Bizarre Adventure and honestly Dio Brando is a real one because if I as a show of cruelty kissed my enemy's girlfriend and she then proceeded to clean her mouth with mud I would have quit my whole evil schemes. I would have packed my belongings and gone through an international pilgrimage trying to live down the humiliation

I think indeed dot com should have a comment section

I actually really like the thing when you're starting to get the hang of a new language, enough to understand and say simple sentences but you gotta get creative to get more complex thoughts across, like a puzzle. I remember a time in the restortation school when a classmate who wasn't natively finnish and did her best anyway dropped something and sighed, telling me "every day is monday this week. I have had four mondays this week." And I understood.

I don't think I speak much of spanish anymore, but in the nursing school training period I did there, I did manage to get by with making weird Tarzan sentences. I got a nosebleed at some point and startled another nurse. Not knowing the words "humidity" or "stress", I managed to string together: "This is ok. It is hot, it is cold, I have a bad day, I am sad, I have blood. This is normal for me." And she understood.

And sometimes you just say things weird, but it's better than not saying it. One time, I was stuck in a narrow hallway behind someone walking really slowly with a walker, and he apologised for being in the way. I was not in any hurry, but didn't know the spanish word for "hurry", but I did know enough words to try to circumvent it by borrowing the english "I have all the time in the world."

The man burst into one of those cackling old man laughters that they do when something in this world still manages to surprise them. He had to be somewhere between 70 and a 100 years old, and I guess if there was one thing he wasn't expecting to hear today, it would be a random blond vaguely baltic-looking fuck casually announce that he is the sole owner and keeper of the very concept of time.

we shpuld make a tumblr bar with drinks like sonic screwdriver and the baker street mule

help i got a haircut and it's so fucking bad I want to shave my head

it was so expensive too and she can't fix it because it's too short

I screencapped this comment when this video was posted (late 2018) and I have honestly thought of it weekly ever since

Comments on erotica are so funny because a lot of the people in those sections are trying to compliment the author without directly saying "awesome job, I jacked it to this!"

Rip Howl Pendragon, you would’ve loved Korean skincare.

wait tumblr is now fully telling us if the call is coming from inside the house?

pls reblog! me and my friend have been talking about magical girl animes recently so i need to know

Honestly the GRIP Sailor Cosmos has had on me and the rest of the fandom is pretty amazing. She only appears in like 7 pages of the manga, lol. But when you put together the mystery of her true identity (despite wide/common speculation), her gorgeous design, and her appearance in the climax of the entire series I guess it makes sense!