notpigmeat - Tumblr blog

notpigmeat · 10 months

Text

Bold Lies & Half Truths || Andy & Jazz

TIMING: current. LOCATION: the common. PARTIES: @notpigmeat & @declinlalune SUMMARY: jazz is trying to impress his date. andy overhears and is both confused and concerned. CONTENT WARNINGS: guns (not used)

Andy stuck her phone in the front pocket of her flannel, deciding the 5% battery wasn’t worth wasting. It was harder to want to go home after Kaden’s tumble with the wolf, and though she had a variety of questions to ask him, she couldn’t bring herself to actually get them out. She wanted desperately to understand the guilt he could feel so that she could help him absolve it. But where would she start when she hadn’t even handled her own? Andy half-wondered, too, if Alex would blame herself for what happened to him. The thought made her sick.

But not as sick as the guy feeding information about a raccoon into his date’s ears. Something about sharp claws and venomous teeth? Had she heard that right? It was possible that this was something she didn’t know about, but from where she was sitting, she could tell there was nothing off about it. It was just a regular raccoon. Andy let him speak a moment longer before she pointed towards it. “So it’s really dangerous? How?” Maybe she’d let him fumble over his words so that the date could see what a giant jackass he was being. Maybe it was about impressing them, but even though Andy didn’t hunt and she hadn’t since she was young, there was something about lying about non-dangerous things being dangerous that made her frustrated. What if this person went around killing all the raccoons they could find from now on?

Jazz looked away from his date for a moment to the woman asking questions. "Perfect." He thought. "Yeah, so the scientific name of this little guy is 'Raccooness Ruderalis'. One of only 2 marsupials on the continent. They're known for their venomous bite and cantankerous demeanor." He said. Jazz knew he was full of shit but they didn't. All he knew was that his date liked wildlife and funky creatures. Simple stuff to make up. After all, he was a scribe. Not that the title of scribe really meant anything, honestly. His date stepped closer to him. Obviously, intimidated by his words. Jazz grinned. "Don't worry, I'm an expert on these like this. You're safe." He winked at the frightened woman as she squeezed even closer to him. 'Yeah I'm busting some cheeks toniiiiight.' He thought to himself. And indeed, if things kept going as they were he'd definitely be getting some cheeks that night.

“Raccoo…” Andy didn’t bother finishing the name that he had made up. She had to admit, he was at least giving descriptors that could exist in a town like Wicked’s Rest. “How do you get rid of them?” She looked at the racoon that was minding its own business in the trash can with an arched brow. If it went up any further, it’d disappear into her hairline. The guy’s date, however, seemed fascinated by the information that he was providing. “An expert?” Andy leaned her weight onto one hip as she watched the racoon fumble around with a candy wrapper. She had half a mind to snatch it away. “Do you work in animal control or something?” She asked, trying to remember if Kaden had mentioned a co-worker giving falsified information away. “It does look really scary. What if it jumps out and bites us?”

"Silver bullet," Jazz answered quickly. He knew that question was coming sooner or later. "We don't wanna hurt the specimen tonight but yes, silver bullets would do the trick." His dates eyes sparkled as she listened intently. "But what if he jumps out at us?" She asked.

Jazz was less prepared for that question. But he's been pulling excuses out of his ass for years.

"Not to worry. I'll handle it." Jazz pulled a pistol from his back pocket. He twirled it around his finger trying to imitate a western movie he'd seen. He nearly dropped the gun. You'd think that anyone seeing this would think he's an idiot. But not his date.

"I'm a great shot. Everyone in the Scribe Society has to be." He explained pulling yet another assertion out of thin air. His date marveled at his claimed ability biting her lip slightly. Jazz noticed. He was pleased.

"And yes little lady, I'm an expert." He said through a grin at this random bystander. He winked and returned his pistol to his waistband.

"I suppose you could say I'm in a type of animal control. I'd explain what the Scribe Society is but you may not understand."

“A silver bullet?” Andy watched the man as he explained what they could do to get rid of the raccoon. And then he was pulling a gun out of his pocket? Why did he have a gun in his pocket?

It was highly unlikely, she realized, that this man was a part of the scribes at all. He was blatantly lying, and for what? To get laid? If it hadn’t been for the gun, then maybe Andy could have sat by quietly and listened to him spin lies, but she wasn’t sure she could stay quiet any longer.

She got up from the bench and approached him. “I didn’t know that they gave weapons to the scribes.” She had no idea if they did or not. Andy didn’t go to them, mostly because they worked with hunters, and the last thing she wanted was to be associated with any of the hunters (aside from Emilio and Kaden, apparently) in Wicked’s Rest.

“I know what a scribe is,” She said now, but not to him. Instead, it was directed towards his date. “What else do you know about the raccoo– whatever it was called.” She crossed her arms over her chest, gaze sweeping to the waistband where he kept his gun. Andy hoped that he at least knew how to properly care for it, above all else.

Jazz paused for a moment. His mind flashed to earlier that day. He was sitting at his desk organizing files about various fae and creatures. It was so quiet that you could hear the clock on the wall tick it's seconds away. He looked up at the other scribes. One was sleeping at their desk. Another was eating a sandwich they brought from home. He knew he couldn't tell his date that this was his day to day. Hell, he wasn't even supposed to talk about being a scribe in the first place. He gazed in the eyes of the woman that was interrupting his date.

"Weapons are standard issue, little lady. This one is my own though." He pulled his shirt to the side just a bit to reveal the gun.

To be honest he knew nothing about raccoons. He would have to pull something from the very crack of his ass if he was to continue the ruse.

"Raccoonus Ruderalis. Yes, a very common creature amongst these parts. They can take a man's arm off in one bite. And… umm, you see how they look like they have a mask on? It's actually a trick to make you think they're regular raccoons. Tricky little bastards…."

Complete nonsense. That's what was spilling from his mouth. He didn't care. He'd had a dry spell since he'd gotten to Wicked's Rest. He'd never been longer than a couple of days without the company of a woman when he was still a boxer. The lack of panties in his life was driving him mad.

".... And that's why they have thumbs." He finished.

Jazz was annoyed by the woman but he didn't show it. Though the bead of sweat on his forehead likely gave him away.

He flashed a view of the gun again and Andy felt her stomach twist. Even if scribes were allowed to have guns (which she still had no clue if true or not), she wasn’t sure that this guy was a true scribe. She stared at him, expression edging on incredulous now.

“Tricky little bastards,” She repeated, gaze flickering to the raccoon that was unfazed by the three humans’ presence. Andy fought every bone in her body that was telling her to call him out. Maybe he knew what he was doing with the gun, maybe he knew how to protect himself. In a town like Wicked’s Rest, there was no judging anyone for having a weapon for self defense. Hell, she had a knife in her bag.

But what if that silver bullet was turned on the wrong person? What if what he said he knew was bullshit and somebody paid the price?

“They have thumbs?” Andy hadn’t realized that raccoons had thumbs. That was new information at least. She looked to his date, who still seemed completely enamored with him. She couldn’t believe that somebody was buying this shit. “Do you know about their cousin?” She decided that instead of calling him out on the spot, she’d provide some bullshit of her own. Maybe it’d spin him in the hotseat and he’d give up and decide to never lie about this kind of thing again.

Andy thought for a moment before continuing, knowing she needed to be as convincing for his date to believe her, too. “Racinitis Raconulus. They spit poison from their mouths when they’re upset. I think you might be mistaking that one for the cousin species.” This felt oddly like the woman with the white hart. “And they also can take off somebody’s head completely clean off with the spikes on their tail.”

"'Racinitis Raconulus' was only recently discovered a few years ago. In fact I know the man that did…." At this point he was talking without thinking. Why was this chick pressing him so hard??? There was no Racinitis Raconulus. She knew and he did too. "I'm just trying to get some ass." He screamed in his head.

"As much as I'd love to keep this conversation going I'm sure you noticed in have a date." He said with a slight frown, that signaled for her to get going. "So, if you'll excuse is…"

“You know the man who discovered Racinitis Raconulus?” If she could just take the focus off the fact that he was carrying a weapon, maybe she could pull him to the side and ask him if he were really a part of the scribes. He was getting himself involved in a world that didn’t seem to suit him, what with the lies.

Maybe this was a tactic, she thought. But Andy wasn’t sure if the scribes would approve of that. She blinked at him as he tried to cut the conversation. Was there really much more she could do? She didn’t know him, and it was clear that he didn’t care about the misinformation he was spreading. “How can I reach you? In case I have more questions.” She didn’t want him to think she was trying to hit on him, and she didn’t want his date to misunderstand, so she quickly added, “my girlfriend and I really want to keep ourselves safe.” That was a bullshit lie. She didn’t have a girlfriend, but whatever.

Jazz was fed up at this point. His frown has turned into a scowl. This was the first date he's had since he's been in Wicked's Rest and tho whole thing was about to go belly up because of this random girl.

"How do you reach me? We're in Connecticut. Look for the one Black dude." Jazz said rudely yet sincerely. His date have him a playful elbow to the ribs as if to tell him to be nice. She smiled at the interrupter and excused herself to a nearby ladies room. Jazz took this opportunity to set things straight. He waited until she was out of earshot before starting.

"Yo what the hell?!?!? I'm tryin' to grease these here butt cheeks and you blowin' up the spot!" He said angrily. He had a habit of letting his southern accent come out when he was irritated or upset. His Texas drawl was on full display.

“This isn’t Connecticut, this is Maine.” Andy stared at him, watching as the woman he was with excused herself to the bathroom. At least now she could ask him what this was all about. While she didn’t exactly feel like outing her knowledge of the supernatural, it would be better to tell him she knew that he was lying then let him continue to do it, right?

But she hadn’t expected his frustration. “You’re– what?” Men really would say anything. Where was the respect? It was clear that this man had none. Either for her, or for the woman he was trying to take home. “You’re lying to her. I know you are. You’re a scribe? How? Where?” She stared at him. “Do you know how dangerous it is to tell somebody how to kill something like that? It’s just a raccoon! You seem charming, you can probably woo her in ways that won’t send her off gunning down every mammal she sees.”

"Connecticut, Maine. Who cares? We're in the middle of Crackerville. Aight?" He said condescendingly. Maybe he was being a bit harsh but, he had to get his rocks off and this chick was the only one standing in the way.

"No shit I'm lying. You think they give Scribes guns? Scribes are pacifists. I got recruited to be one but apparently their background check missed a few things." Why was he explaining? He didn't know honestly. Maybe if he came completely clean she'd back off.

"Look, this girl is a certified redneck. She loves hunting, guns, and guys who knows how to use them. I'd bet money she's been killing racoons a lot longer than I've known her." He said. Jazz rolled his eyes. He had been pretty damn ridiculous with the raccoon nonsense.

Jazz took a deep breath and exhaled sharply. "Thanks for calling me charming. My charm is a slow burn. I need her back at my house tonight. Not next week. Understand?"

He had a point. Andy sighed and pushed a few stray hairs out of her face. She didn’t want to tell anyone how to protect themselves, especially when her own methods might not exactly be normal.

But he admitted he was lying, and even though it was small, she felt a little bit victorious. Andy grimaced. “So you’re not actually going to do anything stupid?” Because if he wasn’t just making shit up or believed in the things he was making up, that meant he was aware, and that in itself could be better than the alternative. But that still begged the question of whether or not his date might take him seriously. She listened to him as he explained his date and the love for hunting racoons and her grimace deepened.

“Okay, whatever. Get laid, do whatever you want.” She noticed that his date was heading back towards them. Andy took a deep breath. She could flatline his chances right now, she realized. But there was a certain kind of humor in this, even if he did seem like a bit of a tool. “He just taught me so much,” she remarked, gesturing towards their shared interest. “I’ve got so much… knowledge.” The grimace morphed into a bright smile. “You’ve got yourself a lucky one. Now I know how to protect myself.” Besides, if she ever needed information, she had a way in.

"Always happy to educate, citizen." Jazz winked. He knew she understood. Everyone has been through a frustrating dry spell. Since she didn't call him out this particular dry spell was all but guaranteed to end in just a short time.

Jazz looked at his date who was beaming with happiness. He looked at the woman who had helped him seal the deal. "My name is Jazz, if you're ever in need feel free to contact the Scribe office." He said this only half genuinely. She may have helped him out but she was oh so close to sending him home alone.

“Oh, I will.” The woman seemed desperate to leave, too. Maybe he had a certain kind of charm that Andy was immune to. Or maybe she really was just as simple as he was. With a tight lipped smile, she brought her hand up to wave at him.

Hopefully he knew how to protect himself from the real dangers that Wicked’s Rest had to offer, and hopefully he knew when was the right time to pull a trigger. Not that she wanted him to at all, but the faux knowledge had her on edge. “Appreciate the knowledge, Jazz. Looking forward to picking your brain a little more later. Enjoy your night.”

It pained her to turn her back, but she could use this to her advantage one way or another.

"She was nice." Jazz's date said.

"Yeah she was. So… we headed back to my place?" Jazz asked.

"Actually, I'm on my cycle so I think I'm gonna head home…"

#declinlalune #andy #justalittlebooty #para: bold lies & half truths #para: jazz #gun tw #wickedswriting

11 notes · View notes