Ten years

It’s been an entire decade since our house burned down and, in many ways, it feels like a lifetime ago. Life has changed so much even in just the last five years. I published a book, became a writer-in-residence, and am typing these words while on a fancy writers’ retreat at the Banff Centre. But the fact of the fire is also always just under the surface, and I still find myself thinking about it nearly every week, mostly in terms of the things we lost. Just a few days ago, I was remembering a peony painting I used to have—my dad had painted it in the late 90s and tacked it up in the living room over my piano, and I took it with me when I left home. It is gone forever and, even if I asked him now to make another one, it would not be the same. He no longer has his workshop so he’d have to work on a smaller scale. The new painting would not be tied to old memories. Which is ok, though, because it has to be. 

The other thing I think about often is how resilient I was in the months after the fire, about how I did not once lose heart that we could rebuild our life and come out better in the long run. Sometimes when I’m feeling hopeless now, I try to channel that version of myself. The future is unpredictable, and there will always be hard times, but life can also surprise you in the most unexpected and wonderful ways, especially if you are willing to begin again—and again and again.

Five years

Today we were talking about the many things that have happened in the last five years that were even more life-changing than the fire (Isaac's birth, Sunny's strokes and brain surgery). We can never predict what life will bring next. 

A few months ago, I met a colleague from Chicago who was giving me some advice about comics publishing. I told him I felt scared and inadequate whenever I showed my drawings to others. He said, "But you shouldn't be afraid of anything. You've been through so much these past few years. You're battle worn." He was right. I've made it through a lot worse than any rejection letter from a publisher could ever be. I often downplay (even to myself) what I did to keep our family going through crazy hard situations. A lot of it was a blur. I just kept going. But I also know now that I handled things remarkably well. 

That summer five years ago, as I was driving around in the evenings running errands, I often heard a song called "Titanium" on the radio. I turned it up loud and sang along with Sia: 

I'm bulletproof nothing to lose Fire away, fire away Ricochet, you take your aim Fire away, fire away You shoot me down but I won't fall I am titanium...

I had nothing at that point. No home, no possessions. I was wearing borrowed shoes on my feet. But I felt indestructible.

Four years

Yesterday was the four-year anniversary of the fire. These days, it's like a distant memory, although I find myself referring to it almost compulsively at least once or twice a week still. In May, the city of Fort MacMurray suffered extensive wildfire damage, and we were able to help out one family we knew who had evacuated to Calgary. Cara, the mom, said that it must've brought back a lot of bad memories, but what we went through was so small compared to the scale of the Fort McMurray fire. We still had my brother's home to live in. We still had our workplaces. We had a whole community rally behind us. Their community was burned and scattered. Our fire was nothing. Life in the Wong household is relatively drama-free now. The kids are growing. Sunny has almost completely recovered from his brain and eye surgeries. He went back to work part-time in April, and is making big plans for a new venture. I have been working for months on a graphic novel about postpartum depression and just sent it out to a couple publishers -- just in time to celebrate my 40th birthday. We are looking ahead more than looking back these days. It's a remarkable thing.

Three years

It's funny. I knew that it was the anniversary of the fire today, but I didn't plan on marking it in any special way. Then, at the end of the day, I looked down and realized I was wearing the shirt I had escaped the house in three years ago. I guess my subconscious thought it would be a fitting way to remember. The fire and its aftermath seem long, long ago, especially since we have been dealing with a whole new challenge these past few months. Sunny had two strokes at the beginning of April and consequently went in for brain surgery on May 25. He is still suffering from some pain as well as physical deficits. A fire is nothing compared to health problems, really. Things are just things, after all. But the experience of going through hardship and a disrupted life probably helped prepare us for this latest setback. We are a strong family, and this too will pass. People sometimes joke that we are cursed. But I don't think our lives are actually any harder than anyone else's. Life is difficult, but we have been blessed extraordinarily. I look around at the home we've made in the past three years and I am filled with a sense of well being. I think about how we've handled ourselves in adversity and I feel proud. I say to the future, "Bring it on!"

Two years

With a newborn in the house, I almost forgot what day it was today. The fire happened two years ago and, while it remains a big part of our family history, we are no longer feeling the aftermath on a daily basis. It seems like we've always in this house. And Sunny has turned the backyard into an urban garden oasis, complete with a new greenhouse. They are still doing (or re-doing) siding work on Charlie's house next door, though, and he just put in new grass to replace what was torn up. It really does take years to undo all the damage, I guess. The girls still occasionally talk about stuff burning down, and I'm pretty sure Scarlet will remember the events of two years ago. Baby Isaac will know this new house as his first home, though. And that makes me happy. One bonus is that I don't have to feel guilty about not taking enough baby photos of Isaac, since he'll probably have more than Scarlet and Eden do. All in all, we are settled and ready to move forward.

Cardel Renovations hired a professional photographer to come get shots of our place for marketing material. These are the sneak peek photos Cardel sent us last week. Again, we've come a long way...

We've come a long way...

Done!

Woohoo! We are done with shopping under duress, trying to be responsible with our replacement of items, and keeping and processing all receipts for every purchase. I wish I could say we were done with insurance, but that won't be true until they send us outstanding payments. But it sure feels good to get to this point. We've finished with living expenses (the rental house), rebuild (the new house), and now contents (the stuff).

Let's never do this again!

After August 31, I'm never buying anything ever again.

(It's been several weeks of shopping til we drop, as we try to buy more than 200 items before the insurance deadline.)

It took me a long time to find the right piece of art to hang in our living room. I was looking for something that would be visually captivating but also have some sort of significance to our family.

I ended up discovering the Flying House series of photographs by Laurent Chehere. In the series, Chehere manipulates photos of Paris homes in the 19th and 20th arrondissements so that they appear airborne. 

The artist writes, ""I tried to get these sad houses out of the anonymity of the street, to help them to tell their story, true or fantasized."

And the Huffington Post reported that the series "not only urges the viewer to readdress the obscure beauty of urban houses, but also to think of the transitory experience of being lifted away from your permanent residence."

Sold.

We are still deciding where to hang the print, but I am so happy to have something that tells the story of what we've gone through, as well as symbolizing the release of that experience to the skies. 

Plus, Paris!

p.s. Scarlet and Eden really like the photograph too. When I first brought it home, we spent a long time sitting in front of it and examining the details. Scarlet thinks it's actually of our old house on fire... I'll have to correct her at some point. But wouldn't it be nice for her to think that, instead of our house burning to the ground, it simply broke free from the neighbourhood and floated away? 

One year old

I just received a message from Tumblr letting me know that this blog turned one today. It's funny: I was just thinking earlier about how nearly everything we own is less than a year old, and how weird that is. I look around at the home we've built, the life we've made, and realize that it's still in its infancy.

One year ago

This time last year, I was sitting in a car, watching our house and everything in it burn to the ground. It seems like yesterday but also a long time ago. It is kind of surreal to be sitting here now, in a room that looks pretty much the same as it did before the fire, and to think about everything that has happened in the past year. We had a "house cooling" party on Saturday with the people who came last year. So much has changed in our friends' lives too. New babies, engagements, new homes, new relationships. I guess this happens in any year, but we have a marker now, a date to measure these things against. Janneke and Phong surprised us with an amazing memory book, a compilation of friends' photos and messages. It was great to have photos we had never seen before of different events in our lives. The overall feeling I have is of gratitude. We have been blessed through this event. We have learned how generous and kind people (even strangers) can be. We have also learned what we are made of as a family: it didn't break us. It only made us stronger. 

Calgary Flood

The city has been in a state of emergency for nearly a week because of massive floods in areas near the Bow and Elbow rivers. We are not affected directly, but it has been heartwrenching to see the loss of so many homes and displacement of so many people.

I know a few people in Mission whose basements were completely flooded and who have lost a significant amount of their treasured possessions. One said to me, "But it's nothing compared to what you went through."

It made me think. Is that true? I don't know. With our fire, we were so well taken care of. Insurance was right there, and the demolition/restoration companies too. We didn't have to clean up our own mess. Roads and infrastructure were fine.

So, while I can identify with those who have lost everything, I don't think our situation is anything close to what's going on for so many in southern Alberta right now.

It is interesting to be on the other side of a disaster. To want to help but not know how. To do a little bit, but not feel like you're doing enough. For the most part, I've had to stay at home and watch the kids. Sunny was out helping in Bowness and Inglewood. And we've made donations to the Red Cross, YWCA and Silvera (seniors homes), but it still doesn't feel like much. Bit by bit, I guess.

11 months

I'm a few days late for this update, and I know I missed the 10-month one, but we were just so busy with the move and getting settled in, and I really didn't have anything to say. Excuses, excuses.

It is hard to believe that it's been almost a year since the fire -- and that, this time last year, we had no clue what was about to happen.

The neighbours finally moved back into their house today. I really hope they are happy with it -- and with their new things. I also noticed two trucks from OnSide Restoration, so here's hoping that they were able to recover some important memory items. They have always been so gracious whenever I see them. Lots of smiles and comments about our kids. We are so blessed to have them as neighbours.

We have been given the absolutely non-negotiable cut-off date for replacing contents: August 31. It's causing me a bit of stress since I feel like there's so much left to do in a short time. And some things -- like mittens and snowbrushes -- we will probably not be able to replace in the summertime. But it will be a relief to be done with checking every purchase against our list, and tracking and processing every receipt. And if we don't get insurance money, so be it. 

i am feeling more and more settled. And still very thrilled with our home so far. It's been a tiring few weeks, though, and I don't know if this exhaustion will lift. It's been a hard year. And I think I'm finally feeling it, now that "survival mode" is switching off.

Best birthday ever

It was Sunny's birthday today, and it coincided with the delivery of everything that OnSide Restoration recovered from the fire. We spent quite some time going through the many boxes of memorabilia and photos recovered. Of course, it's only a fraction of what we lost, but it feels like we regained a lot too. There are photos from our first Europe trip, including the one I took of Sunny sitting at the foot of the Goddess of Winged Victory in the Louvre. And there are some of me with my grandmother in China (who died this year at age 105). And, best of all, photos from Sunny's childhood. These were all recovered from albums stored in the bonus room over the garage -- so they really did survive full-on flames. Amazing.

Of course, most of the items are damaged in one way or another, but they still exist. And that's good enough.

Over the next little while, we'll go through everything and figure out how to get stuff scanned, stored or displayed.

So much of this year has been an exercise in gratitude. I mean, I really do miss some of the stuff that is gone for good. But I am so, so grateful for every little thing that made it through. And so, so grateful for this beautiful new home. And so, so grateful to be alive.

One week later

Well, we've been in the new/old house for a week now and words can't describe just how at home we feel. It's like everything has clicked back into place after months of disarray. Of course, there's still a lot to do, and we've been running around like crazy trying to get settled, but there's a deep sense of peace that prevails. We are home at last. It's been particularly thrilling to see our vision for the house come together. We're happy with most everything, including the interior design choices, furniture and accessories -- even down to the cups and bowls. It's nice when you don't regret the stuff you've chosen. More later. I am elated, but exhausted.

I excited!

Eden, upon visiting the house for the first time.